03x11 - The Mad Scientist

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ Is how we show our love ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪

♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud Loud Loud ♪

♪ Loud house ♪

- Poo-poo.

[lilting orchestral music]

♪ ♪

- It was Einstein
who first proposed the idea

of time travel via wormholes,
but now I, Lisa Loud,

have come very close
to actually creating one.

All I need to figure out
is how to harness

the necessary energy to--

Aah!
- I need you to take my pulse.

I'm working on
a breathing technique that

lowers my heart rate to the
point of barely being alive.

- Nope, still quite robust.

- Dang it, I hate robust.
- Pardon the interruption.

As I was saying--

- Hey, Lis! We need your help.

We found this cupcake
behind the radiator,

it's got a little mold on it,
but can we still eat it?

- Well, only if you wanna
ingest gangrenous ergotism,

alimentary toxic aleukia,
or Stachybotrys chartarum.

- Eh, no thanks.

- [swallowing]
You had me at gangrenous.

- Apologies, once again.
Now, to continue--

[electric guitar wails]
- Yo, brain-box,

I'm playing a gig
at Sunset Canyon tonight

and I need to make sure
the oldies can hear me.

Can you measure
my decibel level?

- Not right now--
[electric guitar wails]

[sighs]
I think you should be fine.

Which is more than I can say
for my beaker collection.

I'm so sorry, it's not easy
being a research scientist

in a household populated by
uncouth, disorderly siblings.

I look forward to the day
when I'll have somewhere quiet

to work.
- Well, why not today?

You're welcome
to come spend this afternoon

here at the institute.

We have top-notch facilities
where you could continue

your research
free of distractions.

- Really?
That sounds phenomenal!

I'd say I have butterflies
but we both know that it's just

the reduction of blood flow
to my stomach.

- [scientists chuckling]

- [Lynn farts]
Boom!

- How soon can I come?

- Lisa!

So glad you could
join us for the day.

Let me give you the tour.
Over there is our biosphere.

Through that door is
our nuclear fission facility.

And those are the restrooms.

- So when does the
bathroom line typically form?

I'd like to arrive early
so I don't waste

valuable research time.

- There's never a line.
- Shut the anterior entryway!

- In here is the crown jewel
of the institute:

Our research laboratory.

It's at your disposal.
Enjoy the quiet afternoon.

- Erlenmeyer flasks?

, milliliter beakers?
[gasps]

This place is
every four-year-old's dream...

[sighs]

♪ The only gases I smell
are the noble kind ♪

♪ There's no better place
for my scientific mind ♪

♪ Look, it's a chimp ♪

♪ I can observe how it swings ♪

♪ This lab's so amazing
it's making me sing ♪

♪ With so many test tubes
my tests won't go wrong ♪

♪ This lab is where I belong ♪

♪ ♪

♪ No wailing guitars,
and no spooky sis ♪

♪ No cupcake dilemmas ♪

♪ You can even hear this ♪

[tinging]

- Shhh.

♪ It's quantum equations,
it's Saturn's bright rings ♪

♪ When you're working
with colleagues ♪

♪ And not with your siblings ♪

♪ With such fine equipment,
my work can't go wrong ♪

♪ All my neurons are f*ring ♪

♪ This is where
I be-lonnnnnnng! ♪

Esteemed colleagues,
I believe I have cracked it.

By combining super magnets,

nuclear fission,
and banana peels,

one can produce
the necessary energy

to open a wormhole
large enough for a human being

to pass through.

Boom.
Time travel.

- Brilliant!
An epic achievement.

- Thank you, Dr. Jellson.
I couldn't have done it without

the opportunity to work
in such an optimal environment.

I also had a marvelous time
in the bathroom.

In fact, I think
I'll visit it on the way out.

- Wait!
You don't have to go.

Look at all you've accomplished
in half a day.

Imagine if you
were here full time!

- I'm honored.

I'd say I have a lump
in my throat, but we both know

it's merely the tightening
of my esophageal sphincter.

- You wanna stay there?
I don't understand honey,

what's wrong
with working from home?

[chaotic yelling]

- It has it's distractions.

- Okay, true,
but that doesn't mean you have

to leave your family
and move to some institute.

- What?
- Wait, Lisa's leaving us?

- What's an institute?

- Honey, you've never been
away from home.

Plus, you're four.

- I anticipated this reaction
and so I constructed

this pie chart, detailing
my psychological make-up.

The green area represents
scientific pursuit,

which, as you can see,
makes up %.

The orange slice, at %,
represents my affinity

for West Coast Rap.

And finally,
the blue sliver, at %,

represents my
emotional attachments.

- Dang.
You're as cold as ice, brah.

- All I'm saying
is that research is my life

and this
is a huge opportunity.

- Huh.
What do you think, honey?

- Well, sweetie,
you've always been...

independent.

I guess we can give it a try.

- Yes!

[all groaning]

- I call dibs on her room!
Oh wait, Lily's in that room.

Never mind.
- Poo-poo!

[blows raspberry]

- [cries]

- Now, now, pater familias.
What you're experiencing

is merely the release
of an endorphin called

leucine-enkephalin,
which helps to improve mood

and rid the body of toxins.
You'll be over it shortly.

- [dad blubbering]

- Some people
take longer than others.

[stomach growling]
Hmmm.

That's an unexpected reaction.

[stomach growls]
Oh, it's my tummy.

Six o' clock already?

Wow, time sure flies when
you're synthesizing chemicals.

[upbeat music]

I'm so hungry,
I could eat an equus caballus.

What in the name
of Pythagoras is this?

- It's a nutrient-rich cube
filled with all

the essential vitamins
one needs

for maximum brain efficiency.

- Whilst I see the merits,

it's not exactly
my father's meatloaf.

- Try not to fill up.
There's mint chip ice cream

for dessert.
- Ooh, Now you're talking--

Ow!
- In injection form, of course.

- Sprinkles?
- No, no, I'm good!

Greetings, Colleagues.

Anyone down
for some "Dream Boat"?

Announcer: Coming up
on "The Dream Boat..."

- What, you guys don't know
"The Dream Boat"?

It's my family's favorite show!
Oh, you're in for a treat!

Let me just catch you up
a little bit.

Last season, Karen made
Blaine walk the plank,

but now he's
the one setting sail for love,

and these gals here are--

[boat horn]

Oh.

Huh, what's this?
"Dear sis...

Huh, how thoughtful, I suppose
I could go for a snack.

Shouldn't be too hard
to figure this out.

I mean, I did cr*ck
time travel today.

How does he do it?

Ugh, eh, ooh, oh.

Darn zipper!
Eh, why is this so hard?

[playful music]

[sighs]
That's why.

Grrrr.

Why am I having so much trouble
falling asleep?

- "Goodnight, Mr. Cow.
Goodnight, Mrs. Sheep.

The sun has gone down,
it's time now for sleep."

- Oh, that's why.

Newtonian Physics Vol. ?

Hmm, I guess this will do.

[snoring, muttering]

[gasps]

Mother, Father?
I had a nightmare!

Oh, right.
I'm not home.

[sniffling]

Salinity filled fluid leaking

from my nasolacrimal duct...

Slippery secretion
from my mucous membranes?

This can only lead me
to one conclusion...

Family, I've called to correct
my earlier findings.

I now have
a more accurate understanding

of my psychological makeup.

As you can see
from this revised pie chart,

West Coast Rap
still stands at %.

But scientific pursuit
is now %

and emotional attachment
has expanded to a whopping %.

What I am trying to say is,
you guys mean a lot to me.

I'm sorry
I didn't see that until now.

I really miss you.

All: Awwwwww!

- Honey, we miss you too.
- Why don't you come home?

All: Yeah, come home!

- Well, I'd love to, but I'm
afraid that's not possible.

Leaving now
would cause irreparable damage

to my reputation
and future career prospects.

- Aw, if only you could go
back in time and never visit

that weird old science place
to begin with.

- Aw, sweet, simple Leni.

I'm afraid
it doesn't work that way.

Anyway, family, I better go.

I have to prepare another
presentation on time travel.

[gasps]
Hmmm.

[dramatic music]

Okay.

Magnets,
plutonium, banana peels.

[time machine whirring]

Let's hope
my theory actually works.

[whirring,
electricity crackling]

Yes, the wormhole!

Hope you're watching this,
Einstein!

Here goes nothing.

Better not end up
in the Dark Ages.

computer: Transport
to : a.m. yesterday.

[electricity crackles, thuds]

- [grunts]

I made it!

Yep, all eleven toes,
still there.

- [coos]

- Shhh.

Someday I'll explain it to you.

- You're welcome
to come spend this afternoon

here at the institute.

We have top notch facilities
where you could continue

your research
free of distractions.

- A very generous offer,
Doctor J.

but I'm good right here
where I belong.

Hey Lincoln, think I could get
one of your famous PB&Js?

- Lisa-style, coming right up!

- [strains]

[farts]
Boom!

- [giggling]

- [sighs]
Home sweet home.

[rock music]

♪ ♪

- [sighs]
Time for my four o'clock call

with Bobby, literally
the highlight of my day.

[phone buzzing]

- Roberto, come quick!
The freezer case is having

another meltdown!
Yow!

- I'm on it, Grandpa!

[phone buzzes]

[line trilling]
- Huh, that's weird.

Why isn't he picking up?

- Think you can get
the last of this, Lalo?

I gotta call Lori back.

- [barks]

[phone buzzing]

- [screaming]
Why is a snake

in my sock drawer?

- She needed a warm spot
to lay eggs.

- Why isn't she answering?

Oh, is she upset
that I didn't pick up before?

[snakes hissing]

[phone buzzing]

- Hi, Boo Boo Bear!
- Hey, babe!

Both: Sorry I missed your...
Oh, you go.

- So I have to tell you
this crazy story

about the freezer case--
- Aaah! Not another one!

- Oh, I thought
you liked my stories.

- No, no, no.
It's not that.

I thought I sat on a baby snake
but it's just a scrunchie.

- Ugh, well
that was a dumb idea.

- What?
I didn't do it on purpose.

- Huh, no, not you babe.
I accidentally made Lalo hurl.

But I'll clean it up later.
So what were we talking about?

- The freezer case?
- Oh, right.

Uh, actually, you don't want
to hear about that.

It's boring.
Let's talk about your day.

- Oh, okay, you won't believe

what happened in math--
ah, actually...

that's kinda boring too.

Both:
Well, you probably wanna--

sorry you go--

wait, you have to go?

um, okay, well, love you.

bye?

- Dinner's in .
Trying a new thing with cod f--

- Dinner's in , Grandma's
making, you know, everything--

dude, are you crying?

- [crying]
- What's wrong, kiddo?

- Bobby and I...
- Lori and I...

Both: Just had the most
awkward conversation ever!

- Aha, stay here,
I'll get backup!

- Uh, this isn't
really my department--

- But it is ours!

- Why was it so hard to talk?

- Is the distance
getting to us?

Both: Are we losing
our connection?

- Yes, it is hopeless.
You should let Lori be free

to find a real man.
- Carl, why don't you go use

the potty before dinner?

Don't worry, Bobby.
You know, your aunt and I were

long distance sweethearts
while she was in art school.

- Aw, your dad and I
had to be apart for a month

while he had mono.
- Those ding-dang karaoke mics

are just dripping with germs!
- Dad, ew.

- But even when
you are separated by miles,

you can still keep the passion
of your hearts aflame.

[purring]

- Aunt Frida, ew.

- It's all about stepping up
your game and showing you care.

Both: Hmmm.

[cars honking]
[phone dialing]

Royal Woods Pizza?

I'd like to order
a very special pie

for a very special lady--

[doorbell rings]

- Hi, I have a delivery
for the--

- Ooh, Pizza!

Why's it shaped like a heart?

- Uh, I think
it's supposed to be a butt!

- Oh, yeah!

[both munching]

- Mm, I like butt.

- And make the headline say,

"Babe and Boo Boo Bear
named couple of the year!"

[gasps]
Bobby's gonna love this!

- I didn't buy
a newspaper subscription.

I get my news
the old-fashioned way:

Through gossip!

- [squawks]
Special Delivery!

[splattering]

- Why hasn't Lori said...
- Why hasn't Bobby said...

- anything about the pizza?
- anything about the newspaper?

- Did she think it was lame?
- Did he think it was lame?

Both: Ugh!

- I'm a terrible boyfriend.
- I'm a terrible girlfriend.

Both: I have to try harder!

- Hey babe, I'm making a video
of my life at the bodega

so you can feel
like you're here with me!

Look, I moved the chips
closer to the salsa.

So much better right?
Oh, and here's my Lori shrine,

right next to the lotto tickets
'cause you're good luck.

Ronnie Anne,
can I borrow a stamp?

[mischievous music]

- [evil laugh]

Mi vida, your beauty inspires
♪ my soul... ♪

- Hey sweetie,
got your choo-choo jammies

fresh from the dryer!

- Oh, Mommy!

- Ugh, I don't
have time for this.

[phone rings]

- Hey babe, I think I know
what you're calling about.

- A virtual date night?

- Ugh, she hated
the video so much,

she can't even talk about it.
Oh, uh, never mind...

What's a virtual date?
- Oh, it's where we both watch

the same movie
while talking on the phone!

It'll be like having
a real date,

even though we're apart.

- [laughs]

- How can you laugh?
Nina just d*ed!

- What, Nina dies?

Aw dang it,
the video's buffering again.

- Forget I said that!
I'll pause till you catch up!

Spokesman:
Do you suffer from jock itch?

- Ugh, not another ad!
One sec--

- Ugh, still buffering.

- Never mind,
this was a dumb idea anyway.

- No it wasn't--

Spokesman:
Do you suffer from jock itch?

- Let's just
talk tomorrow, Bobby!

- Oh, okay Lori.

Both: Ugh, this isn't working.
We need to be together.

[engine growling]

[exciting music]

♪ ♪

- Well hello, mi vida!
You must have gotten my video.

Let me explain
about the choo-choo jammies--

[ringtone playing]

- Boo Boo Bear!
- Babe!

Both: Guess where I am!

Both: Dang it.

- Okay, don't move!
I'll drive back to you!

We need to be together!

- Mi vida, forget Bobby!
You have a real man right here!

- Carl, I cut up your hot dog!

- Boo Boo Bear!
- Babe!

[light music]

I can't wait to show you
all the romantic stuff

I have planned
for our day together.

- Same here, I made some calls
on my drive back!

- Let's go!

Surprise!
I thought that we could

re-create the first time
I asked you out!

Remember, when I left
brownies in your locker?

- Of course I do, but how
are we going to get inside?

It's Saturday.
- I didn't think of that.

No biggie, I'm sure
there's another way in.

[groans]

[alarms blaring]
[screams] scatter!

Babe, we're like miles
from the school,

we can slow down now!
- No we can't!

I booked
a romantic balloon ride

and it's
leaving without us!

Wait, Come back!
I already paid!

[sighing]
- It's okay, babe.

It was
a really sweet idea any--

[thud]
Oof!

- [gasps]
Boo Boo Bear!

- Ah, sorry!
I keep doing that.

- You're gonna love
this next surprise.

Remember our first date?
- Of course!

You wore a tie and showed up
hours early and took me to--

Aww,
Jean Juan's French Mex Buffet!

- Closed for
health code violations.

Come on!

- Don't worry, Boo Boo Bear.
It was still a sweet idea.

And besides,
I made us lunch plans too.

This is supposed to be the most
romantic restaurant in town.

You literally eat
in complete darkness.

- Ooh, trendy!

Hey Babe,
I found us a free table!

- Oof, get off me!
- Sorry sir...

Or ma'am with a deep voice.

- Hang on Boo Boo Bear, I think
I found a light switch.

[switch clicks]
[crowd yells]

- Turn the sprinkler off!
- My dress!

- Ugh, I'm so sorry,
Boo Boo Bear.

- Hey don't worry about it.
Why don't we just grab

some nachos at Flip's?
And maybe some paper towels.

Chili-cheese and jalapeno's,
Lori's favorite.

- Wild cherry and cola,
Bobby's favorite.

Both: Oof!

Ugh, it's hopeless!

- Babe, I don't know
what's happened to us!

- Neither do I,
but if it's this hard then,

maybe we have to face the truth
and think about...

Both: Letting go!

[both sobbing]

- Hey snot faces, get cleaning!

- Guess I better wash up
before heading back.

Grandpa will get mad if the
bodega truck smells like cheese

or whatever this is.

- It's been minutes,
is he not coming back?

Does he never want
to see me again?

[ringtone playing]
Bobby?

- Um, hey,
so the bathroom door is broken

and I can't get out of here.

- Oh, hang on!
I'll get Flip!

- It's a little temperamental.

You just gotta
sweet talk it a bit!

[straining]

Dang it!
One of yous owes me a doorknob!

- Okay, Boo Boo Bear, the
fire department's on their way.

- Oh, I hope
they get here soon.

You know how terrified
I am of confined spaces.

- Don't worry,
I'm not going anywhere.

I'll stay on the phone
with you until they get here.

- Ah, thanks Babe!
So what should we talk about?

- Um, well, I could tell you
about that funny thing

that happened in math?
- Oh, yeah, I totally

want to hear about that!

- Oh, and last week
for dinner, my dad tried

this new thing with cod.
- Cool!

Like fish sticks
or more of a fillet situation?

Okay, so would you rather give
up all cheeses or all desserts?

- OMG, hmm, tough one...

- I know right?
Because what about--

Both: Cheesecake!

[both laugh]
[both sigh]

- This is so nice.
- And so easy.

- What did
we think was so hard again?

- I have no idea!
I guess I let that

one awkward phone call
get me all freaked out.

- Same!
Maybe we've been trying

to fix something
that isn't broken.

I mean, we know
we love each other, right?

- Of course!
You're the best thing

that ever happened to me.
- Oh, Boo Boo Bear--

[fire truck sirens wail]

- Great idea asking
for a ride, Babe!

- I know!
Isn't it literally so romantic?

- Yeah.
Hey, maybe we could try

to finish that movie
when we get back?

Even though I know Nina dies--

- Aw, come on, man!
Spoilers!

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Loud house ♪

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line
to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with kids ♪

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪