07x01 - China Cruise: The Pledge/East Meets West/Dear Roberta/My Two Dumplings: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making
another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something
for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard,
it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

♪♪

♪♪

Captain, this is great.

We should do this
more often.

Right.

Yeah, Chinese food
is my favorite.

Uh, Vicki, no, no, no.

Here.
No, put that down.

Listen.

You hold your chopsticks
in your right hand like this,

okay?

You pick up a morsel
of food like that.

You see?

You just take -- oops.

And then, you send your pants
to the cleaners like this.

[ Laughter ]

Here are
the fortune cookies.

Help yourselves.
Oh.

Good. Thank you.

Hey, listen to this --

you're about to embark
upon an exotic journey

to the far east.

I wish.

Shanghai means
"above the sea."

The great wall of China
is over , miles long.

You know that
I read in the paper --

they just found another
hundred miles of that wall

that had been
buried for centuries.

Nothing like a little education
with your lunch.

I, uh, have to be honest.

I had those fortune cookies
made to order

because...
We are going to China.

-You're kidding.
-Wait, now. What?

-Are you serious?
-Now, we sail from Hong Kong

on the Pearl of scandinavia

into the
people's republic of China,

stopping at Shanghai
and Peking.

Well, how did you manage
to swing that one?

Well, the captain of the Pearl
used to be with our line.

And I suggested this exchange
program for one cruise,

and both the lines
seemed to like it.

Oh, gopher, now, you're really
gonna have to show me

how to use
these chopsticks.

Yeah,
I better learn, myself.

[ Laughter,
indistinct conversations ]

♪♪

Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to transasian airlines.

Our total flying time
to Hong Kong

will be hours, minutes.

We hope you
have a comfortable flight.

♪♪

Fasten your seat belts,
ladies and gentlemen.

We're starting our descent into
Hong Kong's Kai tak airport.

Doc:
Oh, that's quite a sight.

Gopher: Isn't it beautiful?
That's Victoria harbor.

Gopher:
How do you like that, Vicki?
They named a harbor after you.

Vicki: One side of the harbor
is Hong Kong island,

and the other side
is the peninsula of kowloon.

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Here we are.

Peninsula hotel is one
of the most famous hotels

in the world.
-Excuse me.

Would you mind taking a picture
of all of us together?

Thank you.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

♪♪

-Can I help you, sir?
-Yes.

Been quite some time
since I've seen mount kiso rum.

Do you think you make me
a shark's tooth?

I can make it
if you can tell me what it is.

What it is, my friend,
is four jiggers of mount kiso,

a touch of
white creme De menthe...

And a squeeze of lime.

And a squeeze of lime.

-You've been to great exuma?
-Yes, indeed.

The white whale bar?

Eddie makes a great drink.

Burt gardner.

Carole Stanton.

Would you join me
in a glass?

Uh...

Eddie would be
very disappointed

if two of his customers
didn't take the opportunity

to be better acquainted.

Well, we wouldn't want
to disappoint Eddie.

Two.

Mm.
You anticipated me.

To a lovely
world traveler.

To a gallant
world traveler.

You are lovely,
you know.

I hope we'll meet again.

So do I.

But I'm afraid
it won't be for a while.

I'm off to China on
the Pearl of scandinavia today.

Oh.

Well, we will meet again.

I'm going to be on
that same ship.

Wonderful.

To our next meeting.

Now, you put yours on mine
straight up.

Now, we are one,
together forever.

♪♪

Vicki: There's the
Pearl of scandinavia.

Oh, it looks like
a great ship, dad.

Merrill:
Yes, I've checked her out

from stem to stern --
she's a beauty.

Oh, I just can't believe
we're in Hong Kong.

If we're not,
I blew $ on this tour book.

You know, the passengers
will be coming aboard

in a couple of hours.

Well, there's one thing
that I just don't understand.

Is Hong Kong part of China?
-No, Vicki.

It's a British crown colony --
till .

All I know is when
that horn blows,

we're off
for Shanghai and Peking.

Or as the Chinese call it --
Beijing.

Well, whatever they call it,
I'm glad we're going there.

[ Speaking Chinese ]

Attention, all passengers --

the Pearl of scandinavia

will be sailing for Shanghai
at : P.M.

Well, thanks, Don.

I really appreciate you
and the guys seein' me off.

Oh, it's my pleasure.

It's not often
we Hong Kong newspapermen

get to hobnob with a famous
columnist from the states.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

They've been reading your advice
to the lovelorn for a year.

And they got a big kick
out of discovering

that you're "dear Roberta."

Come on.
Anybody finds out who I am,

I'll never get
a moment's peace.

Relax.
And have a great time.

-Yeah, deliver, please.
-Oh, yeah. Sure.

Why not?

"Dear Roberta"?

Far out.

♪♪

Barbara fields.
It's strange.

But your name
isn't here.

But that's impossible.

I...

[ Sighs ]

It's probably
under my married name --

Kingman.

Oh, newlywed?

No, newly divorced.

Oh.
Oh, yes, of course.

It's right here,
Ms. Kingman.

You're on the main deck,
cabin .

I'm sure you'll meet
some nice people.

I should've said,
"very newly divorced."

I'm not sure
I want to jump back

into the mainstream
just yet.

Thanks.

Absolutely nothing available,
sir.

Not one cabin?

Why, surely,
you must have one.

You see,
I must get on this ship.

Sir, I'm sorry.

This cruise was booked
months in advance.

I wish I could help you.

I don't suppose
you'd accept a bribe?

[ Chuckles ]
I didn't think so.

♪♪

-Hello, world traveler.
-Hello.

Checked in already?

Yes, yes. I'm all set.
How 'bout you?

-Mm, just about.
-Excellent.

I boarded early
so I'd be here to greet you.

You still got your bag.

-Well, I didn't want to miss
you.
-How nice.

[ Speaking Chinese ]

I'm sorry. Let me --
let me try that again.

[ Speaking Chinese ]

[ Chuckles ]
Excuse me.

It looks like you're having
a little communication problem.

A little? Unfortunately,
these dictionaries

can't tell you how to say,

"your cabins
are through those doors

and to the left."
-Ah.

[ Speaking Chinese ]

Uh, could I interest you

in becoming my personal
interpreter?

Well,
it couldn't be very personal

if I don't know your name.

Oh, Adam bricker.

-Leslie webb.
-Hi.

Well, where did you learn
to speak Chinese like that?

I've been living in Hong Kong
since I was .

Yes, I like to travel
to the people's republic

as often as I can.

Sounds like you
lead a pretty exciting life.

It's getting more exciting
by the minute.

Yeah, I'm sorry,
but I'm not up

on my shipboard
insignias.

Are you the captain?
-Unh-unh.

-The purser?
-No. I'm the doctor.

Well, fortunately, I always
carry a supply of apples.

-Apples?
-An apple a day

keeps the doctor away.

Welcome aboard.
I'm your purser,
Greg munford today.

Hey, Greg.
Hey, welcome aboard, guy.

But, uh, you couldn't possibly
be traveling alone.

Absolutely solo.

See, I got
this little problem, gopher.

I'm madly in love
with two girls.

Oh, finally narrowed it down
to two, huh?

-What a guy.
-Two of the best.

I'm tellin' you.
Joanne is perfect for me.

She's classy
and sophisticated.

Then, there's Laurie.

She's wholesome
and down to earth.

She's perfect for me too.

Well, at least you
know what you want --

everything.
[ Laughs ]

But, um,
do they know about each other?

Are you kidding?

Why, that's why I have
to get away by myself.

I've got to decide
which one I want to marry.

Joanne: Greg.

Joanne.

Oh.

Hey.

-Good to see you.
-Yeah.

I just couldn't stand the
thought of being without you.

Of course, mother thought
it was foolish of me

to come all this way.

-What do mothers know?
-Yeah, right.

Gopher, this is,
uh, joanne Morgan.

Uh, this is gopher.
He's an old friend of mine.

And she's a new friend
of mine, a very close one.

Greg, listen.
I just --

i -- I just have to get
out of these old rags

and into
something pretty.

I'll meet you
on the deck later. Okay?

So much for the solo cruise,
guy.

But, hey, if joanne followed you
all the way to China,

she must really,
really love you.

Well, maybe you're right,
gopher.

Maybe she does love me
more than Laurie does.

I think maybe
my problem's solved.

[ Chuckles ]

-Hello. May I help you?
-Yes, I'm Laurie Blake.

Has Greg munford
boarded yet?

Let me see.

No, not according
to my list.

Oh, good.
I want to surprise him.

He doesn't know
I'm gonna be on this cruise.

Oh.

You're all set,
Mr. Haskins.

You're on the Asia deck,
cabin .

I hope you have
a terrific trip.

I could use it,
my first vacation in years.

Well, you certainly
picked a good time.

-Enjoy your cruise to China.
-Thank you.

I'd like to leave this
at the purser's desk.

I'll pick it up
and take it to my cabin later.

I don't believe it.

Will you look who's here.

[ Air horn blows ]

[ Indistinct shouting ]

We've just lifted anchor
and are sailing from Hong Kong.

Our first port of call

will be the fascinating city
of Shanghai.

♪♪

Champagne
for dear Roberta.

Shh.

No one's supposed to know.

Oh, well,
I won't tell a soul.

But it says right here,

"dear Roberta
sky deck cabin ."

I'm supposed
to deliver this to her.

Her?

Uh, she's in the shower.

Hey, you must be her husband,
right?

Uh, no.

Oh.

Well, I'd still love
to meet her.

Uh, not right now,
of course.

But if she's got
a few minutes,

i got something kinda personal
I'd like to tell her.

Well, perhaps, uh, later,
we can work something out.

I'm about
to take a shower.

But I thought
you said she was --

oh. [ Chuckles ]

Right.

Right.

Sorry.

♪♪

I am so glad you decided
to come on this cruise.

Oh, me too.

What's more romantic
than a slow boat to China?

[ Chuckles ]

Let's toast.

To us.

-Just the two of us.
-Yeah.

Oh, sweetheart.

Uh, boy,
that sun is bright.

You know,
it got right in my eyes.

I don't think we better
stay out here very long.

Say, uh, what time is
your beauty parlor appointment?

Well, I don't have
a beauty parlor appointment.

Well,
I guess you're right.

I'm sure the sea air
makes everybody's hair frizzy.

-Frizzy?
-Yeah, frizzy.

Well, maybe I'd better see
if I can make an appointment.

[ Laughs ]

Yeah.

Gopher.

Yo, Greg.

I just saw Laurie.

-Laurie who?
-Laurie, I mean, the --

the other girl
I'm in love with.

What am I gonna do?

Well, Greg,
you're gonna do

what any guy in your position
would do --

sneak around a lot
and lie like crazy, man.

Laurie: Greg?

On second thought,
just lie.

Laurie, honey.

-[ Laughs ] Surprise.
-Yes.

I took this cruise just so I
could have you all to myself.

What a nice thing
to do.

♪♪

You wanted to see me,
merrill?

Oh, yes, Adam.

We have
a sick woman aboard.

I just received a wire
from her doctor.

He wants us to keep an eye
on her.

Serious?

Heart problem.

[ Sighs ]
I feel wonderful.

So do I.

Have you been to Shanghai
or Beijing before?

Oh, yes, yes,

but, uh, not with you.

You haven't been
anywhere with me.

We'll remedy that,
won't we?

♪♪

Studyin' up?

[ Sighs ]

Well, I'm afraid
I won't be able to see it all.

Yeah,
I know what you mean.

My friends from Hong Kong,
they gave me a list a mile long.

By the way,
my name is Robert Richards.

Barbara fields.

Mind if I join you?

Oh, I'm sorry.
Are you here with someone?

[ Sighs ]
Well, actually, I'm not.

I...just would like
to be alone.

Oh. Well, it was nice
meeting you.

♪♪

Hi, Leslie.

Oh, hello, doctor.

I just came by to give you
the Dr. Bricker award

for hastiest departure
after meeting me.

Was it something
I said?

It wasn't anything
against you personally.

Ah.

Well, it's just
the medical profession

is not what I hold
in the highest esteem.

I think we're
in a pretty noble profession.

I'm sure you do.

You know, in China, there's
a story about a praying mantis

who raised his arm
to stop an approaching carriage.

Well, naturally,
this was far beyond his powers.

But he had an inflated opinion
of himself.

Western doctors remind me
of that praying mantis.

Well, that's hardly fair.

Western doctors have performed
some medical miracles.

Well, let me tell you
about one of your miracles.

My mother went into the hospital
for a minor routine operation.

I never saw her alive
again.

I'm sorry.

That's funny.

That's what
my mother's doctor said.

Leslie, I can understand
how you feel.

But I can't discuss the case
with you

because I don't know
the facts.

The only fact I do know
is that when we met,

there was a chemistry
between us.

I don't deny that.

But I still have
these feelings.

Well,
I still have my feelings too,

the same feelings I had
when I met you.

Excuse me.

♪♪

Have you ever been
to the great wall of China?

-No.
-It is spectacular,

just a -- a timeless memorial
to the ingenuity of man.

I can't wait
to take you there.

I'll hold you to that.

There's another place
I want to take you.

There's a little place
in Bavaria

that is so perfect it --

one day at a time, okay?

-My cabin.
-Ah, all right.

I will, uh...
I will see you

at the captain's
welcome aboard party,

won't I?

If not,
I'll meet you in Bavaria.

Charlie: Hello, Burt.

Well, what do you know.

-First cruise?
-No.

Looks like my last.

♪♪

Haskins, you are nothing
if not tenacious.

And you are a cool one, gardner,
one of a kind.

Istanbul, Bali, Singapore.

I have been
trackin' you for three years.

You should've
had me in Istanbul.

I wasn't more than feet
away from you in that market.

Were you? [ Laughs ]

And then,
you dropped out of sight.

Nobody knew nothin'.

And I got a wire
from my office,

tellin' me I'm wasting
the taxpayers' money.

"Come home," it said.

Just like that.

"Come home."

You are free.

You escaped.

No, never should've been in jail
in the first place.

Well, look,

a college professor's
no different from anybody else.

You k*ll a man, you got...
-I k*lled an animal,

man who was pushing dr*gs
to kids --

my kids, my students.

-Do you want a medal?
-Yeah.

I think
I should've had one.

Besides,
you know it was an accident.

-You know that.
-Oh, look.

I -- I ain't no judge
and no jury.

I'm just a man
doin' a job.

I'm not sayin'
he wasn't the dregs of humanity.

But the law's the law.

You can't take it
in your own hands.

Well,
I may be going to jail.

But at least now,
I've got a cabin.

I tell you --
I wasn't lookin' forward

to another sleepless night
out there on deck.

Look.

Are these necessary?

Come on, haskins.

I've met someone.

Now, we're at sea.
Now, where am I going to go?

♪♪

Good evening, passengers.

You're all cordially invited

to the captain's
welcome aboard party

in the Pearl room.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

♪♪

Excuse me.

Barbara, I'd like
to present Robert Richards.

Robert Richards,
Barbara fields.

And if you'd like, there's
dancing later on next door.

Excuse me.

Uh, sorry.

Uh, Julie doesn't know
I struck out with you.

I wouldn't say,
"struck out."

Actually,
Julie's being very sweet.

I -- I think she's trying
to fix me up.

Well, uh,
if I'm imposing, uh...

Oh, no.
Please stay.

I should've told you
I got a divorce a while ago.

And I'm afraid I've been
a bit of a hermit since.

Well, everyone goes
through a transitional period.

-Are you divorced too?
-Oh, no.

I've never been married.

But withdrawal is natural
after a breakup.

Yeah. It's been awkward.

Just take it
a step at a time.

That's dear Roberta,
right?

You promised
you'd introduce me.

-Uh, champagne?
-Yes.

Thanks.

Later.

Here we go.

-Cheers.
-Cheers.

Um, gopher,
have you seen Greg?

Uh, no. But he's gonna
be here. I'm sure.

Where else would he be?

Thank you.

Are you sure you don't want to
go to the captain's party?

Are you kidding?

Well, we'd just have
to get all dressed up

and be with
all those people.

I'd much rather stay here
and be alone with you.

Always the romantic.

Well, it's easy...
With you for an inspiration.

I forgot something.

Greg.

Be right back.

♪♪

Sorry.
It got stuck in between floors.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Greg.

Hi. You're late.

Why, and you're beautiful.

Oh, then again, my watch
could be a little fast.

Oh, come on, come on.
They have a marvelous buffet.

You must be starving,
huh?

Oh, yes, I am.

I can't remember
when I ate last.

[ Chuckles ]

I don't know
where you get the energy.

Dancing is good for you.

The only thing
better for you is champagne.

Ahh.

Tell you, you're driving me
right into the ground.

You only live once.

I -- I did live once
before we started dancing.

There she is, Adam.

Together.

Forever.

Come on, dad.
Let's dance again.

Again? [ Laughs ]

Okay, honey.
I'd love to.

Excuse us, Adam.
-Sure.

-Hello, Adam.
-Leslie.

Oh, I'm so glad
you could make the party.

Me too. Thank you
for the personal invitation...

-You're most welcome.
-...And, uh...

The gift.

[ Both laugh ]

I decided to take your advice
and listen to my heart.

Here I am.

Well, honey,
finish your food.

What I have planned
later tonight for you...

You're gonna need all the energy
you can get.

[ Both chuckle ]

Sounds like
my kind of evening.

Where are you going?

To get my vitamins.

Carole, I'd like you to meet
a very dear friend of mine.

This is Charlie haskins.

Carole Stanton.

-Nice to meet you, ma'am.
-Hello.

Oh, I didn't know
you had a friend aboard.

Mm-hmm.
Practically inseparable.

Oh, yes.

Charlie had a little mix-up
with his cabin.

So he's staying with me.

♪♪

Where were you?

Looking all over the ship
for this.

See, I figure one long-stemmed
beauty deserves another one.

You always do
the sweetest things.

Here.

For the only woman
in my life.

Your food got cold,
but I saved you dessert.

♪♪

Can I interest you in
a glass of champagne?

No, thank you, ma'am.

Charlie doesn't drink.

I'm glad.

Then, he'll be
our steadying influence.

Oh, I think I need
a little air.

Are you all right?
You look pale.

Too much champagne.

I'm just going out there
for a...

Oh, here,
let me go with you?

I...
-No, no, no. Wait for me.

Don't look so worried.
I'm fine.

♪♪

Adam.

Huh?

Excuse me a moment.

♪♪

Are you all right?

Ms. Stanton?

I'm captain stubing.
This is Dr. Bricker.

Hello, doctor.

Your doctor wired

and asked us
to keep an eye on you.

Looks like you've been
overdoing it a little.

Doctor, I've got
just a little bit more to go

and a little bit more
to do.

And I found somebody
I want to go and do it with.

I appreciate your concern,
both of you.

But this could be
a last chance for me.

And I'm taking it.

Look, I know
we can't order you --

I know.
Take it easy.

I will. I promise.

♪♪

♪♪

This is going
to be a wonderful trip.

Mm.
Looks like you're beginning

to come out of your shell
a little bit.

A little.

We'll just have
to do a little more about that.

I've got some great plans for us
when we get to Shanghai.

I've checked off some sights
for us to see

and then a little shopping
on nanjing road,

-an intimate dinner --
-oh, wait a minute.

And then followed
by a romantic stroll.

That's a little more
than I'm ready for.

I thought we're gonna
take this one step at a time.

Well, I figured I'd cover
steps through

in one fell swoop.

Uh, if you were
to ask my advice --

I didn't.

Too much outside advice
ruined my marriage.

And I don't want any more of it
to ruin my life.

Sorry if I jumped the g*n.

Does this mean
no Shanghai together?

No.

It just means back to
one step at a time.

Little teeny ones?

Little teeny ones.

Step two.

[ Laughs ]

Attention, all passengers --
this is the last call

for our delicious
breakfast buffet.

Gopher,
I got to talk to you.

Yo, Greg.

How's the world's
greatest lover, guy?

That's what I have
to talk to you about.

Listen, now. I worked up
a little schedule for Shanghai.

-What schedule?
-A schedule.

See, I figure while I take
Laurie to the people's park,

you could take joanne
to renmin square.

-Now, I can take joanne --
-uh, no.

I'm the purser,
not a tour guide.

Gopher, gopher.
You don't understand.

You're watching your friend
die before your very eyes.

Look,
you got to help me out.

Okay.

Attaboy.

Okay, listen.
I won't forget about this.

Okay.

I got a feeling
I won't either.

♪♪

Doc: Hi, merrill.

Leslie: Hello.

-Oh, hi.
-Are you feeling any better?

Uh, just about the same,
Adam.

Well, what happened?

Oh, I have
this little back problem

from the party
last night.

I think I've got to
do less dancing

or get a taller daughter.

It's a problem I've had
on and off for years
since the Navy.

Are those painkillers
I gave you helping at all?

A little, Adam,
a little.

Western medicine --
when in doubt, pop a pill.

Why not stop it naturally
without chemicals?

I know a great acupuncturist
in Shanghai.

Acupuncture?

Isn't that where they
stick needles in you?

-Uh, sounds a little drastic.
-Not at all.

Acupuncture's been used
for centuries to relieve pain.

Leslie, please.

I deal with injuries
like this all the time.

Well,
what's the matter, Adam?

Are you afraid
it might work?

Now, why should he
be afraid?

It's my back.

Well, maybe
you should try it, dad.

-I don't know, Vicki.
-Well, it might help.

What do you think, Adam?

It's up to you, merrill.
If you want to, try it.

Well, I have heard that
acupuncture can be effective.

Uh, maybe I should
consider it.

♪♪

Ni hao, ladies and gentlemen.

And welcome
to fascinating Shanghai,

one of the largest cities
and busiest ports in the world,

situated miles upstream
along the mighty yangtze river.

♪♪

[ Traditional music plays ]

♪♪

It's enough you had
to share your cabin with him.

Do you have
to share your date too?

I'm sorry about that.

But he asked
if he could come along.

And I really
couldn't say no.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Let's ditch him.

Hey, hey, hey!

In here, right here.

♪♪

[ Conversing in Chinese ]

♪♪

[ Engine turns over ]

Charlie, you're not as fast
on your feet as you used to be.

I owe you one.

Let me be alone with her
for a while, will you, please?

Oh.

Come on.

You said you owed me one.
It's important to me.

I'll give you
a little breathing space.

That's it.

Okay.

Are you two all right?

Fine, fine.

Oh, good.

Well, come on.
Shanghai awaits.

♪♪

In our clinic,
we treat many people

with many problems.

Ooh, Dr. Lee.
What is this procedure?

It's a form of acupuncture
used for over , years.

It's called cupping.

I keep telling Ms. Webb
she should be my assistant.

Is that what you're going
to do to me?

No. For your problem,
I will use needles.

Oh.

I, uh, didn't know
they were so long.

Well, don't worry.
It won't hurt.

The needles are inserted
at precise points in the body

to block the flow of pain

from the brain
to the nervous system

by closing the gate
in the spinal cord.

No dr*gs
are necessary at all.

Adam, why don't you and Leslie
go sightseeing

until Dr. Lee
is finished with me?

In fact, I'd prefer it.

Oh, merrill.
I wanted to watch.

Well, I'll take some pictures
for you.

I may want
some -by- glossies.

-Come on, Adam.
-Okay.

Well, shall we begin?

♪♪

Greg: I'm so glad
we're together.

Laurie: Me too.

There's no one else
I'd rather be with.

♪♪

Joanne: Listen, gopher.
Thanks for showing me Shanghai

while Greg's busy.

Hey, my pleasure.

I'm glad you found some time
for us to be together.

I'll always
find time for you.

♪♪

Laurie:
You're really taking good care
of me, gopher.

I hope Greg knows what a good
friend he has in you.

Oh, he knows. He knows.

♪♪

Listen, I've got to get
one more picture here.

Greg, isn't that your friend
over there?

It is. It's gopher.
Gopher!

Gopher, that woman's callin'
you over there.

I don't know anybody
in Shanghai.

Gopher, come on.

Gopher, that was you.
Small world, isn't it?

Yeah,
getting smaller all the time.

Hi.
I'm joanne Morgan.

I'm Laurie Blake.

And this is, uh...
Where'd he go?

Well, nice seeing you,
Laurie.

We got to go.
We're late for lunch.

And I'm really starved.

Gopher,
we already ate lunch.

-Really?
-Yeah.

That's what I get
for eating so fast.

Die trying --
we got to...

Nice to meet you.

Honorable lady
like my new hat?

Greg,
you just missed gopher.

Oh, shucks.

♪♪

Stand over there.

Is this all right?

You know, I hate bein' this far
away from you.

This place
is incredible.

And that's
the Washington tea house.

And that bridge?
That's the bridge
of nine turnings

because evil spirits
cannot go around corners.

Isaac,
I love sightseeing with you.

It's like going to school.

Oh, it's even better.

There are no exams.

[ Both laugh ]

Oh, looks like your matchmaking
is working out.

Oh, don't they look happy
together?

I guess she finally
took my advice.

-She took your advice?
-Mm-hmm.

That's a switch.

-You have the prettiest smile.
-Thank you.

Isaac: Hey, Mr. Richards.

Hey. Would one of you
mind taking a picture of us?

Isaac:
Oh, I'll do it.

She sure is beautiful.

You know,
I always pictured dear Roberta

to be the matronly type.

Oh, I assure you, dear Roberta
is far from being matronly.

Okay, say, "nailao."

That's Chinese
for "cheese."

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

[ Both laugh ]

For passengers interested in
trying their luck at Blackjack,

the casino
will be open until : A.M.

I can't understand it.
He's not on the bridge.

He's not in his cabin.

Maybe his back got worse.

Adam,
I've been looking for you.

Oh, merrill,
where have you been?

All over Shanghai.

I just got back
an hour ago.

What a day.

I had lunch on the roof garden
of the peace hotel

overlooking
the entire city.

And then,
I went bicycle riding.

-Bicycle riding?
-Yes.

Leslie,
I can't thank you enough.

Dr. Lee has made me feel
% better.

Oh, merrill,
that's terrific.

Any questions about acupuncture
now, doctor?

Please don't needle me.

[ Laughs ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Hey, guy.
Where are the girls?

Sleeping finally.

I tell you, that was
a pretty close call today

-between joanne and Laurie.
-I hear you.

Oh, gopher,
I need a day off.

Okay. Uh, okay.
Here's what you do --

you tell the girls
you got to stay in your cabin

all day long
'cause you got the flu,

and you'll see 'em tomorrow.

Gopher, that's a great idea.

Why, I mean, that way,
you can take care

of both of 'em for me.

You know,
I could just kiss you.

Hey, guy,
not with the flu.

Woman: Sir, cards?

♪♪

[ Bell rings ]

♪♪

He never lets us
out of his sight.

Do you know he has been
following us

everywhere we've gone?

Who?

Who?

Charlie.

Oh.

I've had this urge
to kiss you all day, Burt.

You have?

You know I have.

I had no idea.

You mean, you had no urge
of kissing me?

None whatsoever.

But now that you've
mentioned it...

What are you waiting for?

Well, you're obviously
self-conscious.

I'll overcome it.

[ Laughs ]

Burt,
why don't you let Charlie

have the cabin to himself
tonight?

-Where would I sleep?
-Well, if you don't mind

sharing a cabin
with a friend,

maybe you won't mind
sharing another cabin

with another friend.

You would do that for me?

I'll do anything for you.

[ Laughs ]

Leslie:
This is part of the yu garden.

The garden was created
over years ago

for, um, an official
of the ming dynasty.

Now, this part,

this is called
rock of the hill.

I'll say one thing --

I bet I've had the best guide
in Shanghai.

I think I've seen every garden
in the city.

Oh, for the Chinese,

gardens have always been
a symbol of a perfect world,

you know, where --
where nature and art

blend in total Harmony.

Want to sit down?

In the orient, gardeners
are highly respected.

Much more than doctors,
I suppose.

[ Chuckles ]

As a matter of fact,

I'm beginning to reconsider
my image of doctors.

Hmm.

After all,
since I've met you,

I've never felt better.

♪♪

Laurie:
I'm so sorry Greg's sick.

But we'll still have
a wonderful day, gopher.

Oh,
isn't this beautiful?

Look over there.

All those works of art
were done over years.

♪♪

[ Bell rings ]

♪♪

You tired, gopher?

Hey. What, are you crazy?

[ Yawns ]
Unh-unh. I'm --

oh. Oh!
You know what I want to do?

I want to get a shot
of that bridge.

Will you wait here
just a minute?

Sure.

I just want to --

sure.

Okay.

♪♪

Excuse me.

Aren't you gopher's friend,
joanne?

We met yesterday
at the market.

-Laurie, right?
-Right.

Oh, good.

[ Both laugh ]

So, uh, how long have
you known gopher?

Oh, we just,
uh, met on the cruise.

My boyfriend
introduced us.

-He and gopher are old friends.
-Really?

Yeah.

I'm on the cruise
with my boyfriend,

and he's a friend
of gopher's too.

No kidding.

He's cute as soon as button.
Wait 'til you see him.

Oh, mine is handsome too.
I'll show you.

Look at this.
Isn't he cute?

To think I came all the way
to China just to be with him.

What do you think
I came here for, the duck?

Listen, let's just make-believe
none of this happened, okay,

until we come up with a plan
to get back at that two-timer.

♪♪

Shanghai is so beautiful.

It's a shame to leave.

What's wrong?

I'm scared.

The last person I felt this
strongly about was my husband.

But he hurt me
very badly.

Well, I'm sorry
that that happened.

But...
-I'm not comparing you.

It's me I don't trust.

It's just happening
too quickly.

All right.
Let's ease off a bit.

You want some time
to yourself? Fine.

Just don't forget --

I'll be around
if you need me.

Thanks.

Come on.
I'll take you back to the ship.

♪♪

We are now leaving Shanghai,
ladies and gentlemen.

We hope you found it
as exciting as we did.

We're now on our way
to xingang,

the port of entry for
the extraordinary,

wonderful city of Peking

in the
people's republic of China.

♪♪

[ Knock on door ]

♪♪

Hold me close.

Yes, yes.

Oh, I'm glad you got away.

What did you tell Charlie?

The truth --
that I love you.

Do you?

I do...

More than I've ever
loved anyone in my life.

With that big cabin
all to himself,

i bet Charlie sleeps
like an angel tonight.

♪♪

Good morning,
ladies and gentlemen.

Our breakfast buffet

is now being served
in the explorer's lounge.

♪♪

-Open book exam?
-Hi, Adam.

Hi, Leslie.

Do you know
what numerology is?

Uh-huh.
The study of numbers.

Right.

I already know
what your numbers add up to --

a perfect .

[ Laughs ]

Well, the Chinese
have been using numerology

for thousands of years.

It's a -- a science

to help each of us
discover our destiny.

Hmm.
Anything about us?

Well,
according to the tables,

our solar does show that we
are destined to be lovers.

Oh. Suddenly,
I'm a firm believer.

Uh-huh.

What else?

Oh, the numbers also
show that when our
live paths cross...

...one of us
will face death.

I like
the first part better.

Good morning.

Oh, good morning.

What did I do
to deserve that?

Oh, do I need a reason?

Oh, no.
Feel free any time you want.

I'm sorry
about yesterday.

I'm trying not to be afraid
of my feelings anymore.

Ah, here we go.

Orange juice and coffee
for the lady.

Well, thank you, Isaac.

You know, it just
doesn't seem like morning

without orange juice, coffee,
and dear Roberta's column.

Love that lady.

Well, personally,
I'd rather read the obituaries.

[ Laughs ]

That's good.

What was that all about?

Search me.

I sense you're not too fond
of, uh, dear Roberta.

Have you ever
read her column?

Once or twice.

Seemed okay to me.

I hate that kind of
pop psychology.

I think it's irresponsible
and dangerous.

♪♪

Laurie, listen.

I've got it
all figured out --

the perfect way
to get even with Greg.

sh**t.

No, sh**ting's
too good for him.

Okay.
What's the plan?

First, you tell Greg

that you've fallen
madly in love with gopher.

Hmm?

Yeah, yeah.

Then, when he comes
running to me,

I'll tell him I'm madly in love
with gopher.

Perfect.

That way,
he'll lose both of us

and never know
that we're on to him.

-You are terrible.
-I know.

I knew there was something
about you I liked.

I'll see you later.

Charlie:
Two lousy hours' sleep.

Tonight, you sleep here.

I ain't spendin' the night
outside her cabin again.

She's a nice woman.

You're not bein' very fair
to her, are you?

You have to tell her.

None of your business,
Charlie.

This what
you're looking for?

I'll say one thing for you,
Charlie.

You only slept hours.

But you sure slept soundly.

[ Telephone rings ]

Yes?

Oh, Carole.

Look, if you don't mind,

i think I'll stay in and rest up
for Beijing tomorrow.

No, no, no.
I'm fine.

Remember, you promised
to take me to the great wall.

All right, darling.

Speak to you later.

Bye-bye.

Satisfied?

Yes.

Believe me --
it's for your own good.

There's always tomorrow.

Not for everybody.

♪♪

You know, I'll tell you
something, gopher --

this havin'
two girlfriends

is about
to drive me crazy.

Hey, guy,
how do you think I feel?

Listen, Greg.
You cannot keep

leading them on
like this, man.

You have got
to make up your mind.

-It's not fair.
-Yeah, I know.

I think I made up my mind.

-I think it's gonna be Laurie.
-All right.

Here, to Laurie.

-Sweetheart.
-Greg.

-Hi, Laurie.
-I need to talk to you.

Well, have a seat.

I can't go on
living a lie.

I don't love you, Greg.

I want gopher.

I've fallen madly in love
with you.

I'm sure
she doesn't mean any of this.

Yes, I do.

In Shanghai, it was all I could
do to keep my hands off you.

My fingers tingled.

My stomach was jittery.

That must have been something
that you ate.

Laurie,
you can't mean this.

I'm sorry, Greg.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

Well, some friend
you turned out to be.

Well,
you still got joanne.

I should've known
this was gonna happen.

♪♪

♪♪