[Theme music]
Theme song: Love
exciting and new,
theme song: Love
exciting and new,
theme song: Love
exciting and new,
come aboard were expecting you.
Come aboard were expecting you.
And love lifes sweetest
reward, let it float,
and love lifes sweetest
reward, let it float,
and love lifes sweetest
reward, let it float,
it floats back to you.
It floats back to you.
Love boat soon will
be making another run.
Love boat soon will
be making another run.
The love boat promises
something for everyone.
The love boat promises
something for everyone.
Set a course for adventure,your mind on a new romance.
Set a course for adventure,your mind on a new romance.
And love wont hurt anymore.
And love wont hurt anymore.
Its an open smile
on a friendly shore.
Its an open smile
on a friendly shore.
Its love.
Welcome aboard, its love.
Welcome aboard, its love.
[Music playing]
Julie: Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,
and welcome to our
charity gambling cruise.
Our casino is ready
and waiting for you
our casino is ready
and waiting for you
with roulette and
Blackjack tables
for your gambling pleasure.
All the proceeds are going
to flanders hospital.
All the proceeds are going
to flanders hospital.
So win or lose, you knowits all for a worthy cause.
Have fun!
Excuse me.
Could you tell me wherefiesta cabin is, please?
Could you tell me wherefiesta cabin is, please?
Yes, sir.
Down one deck,
middle of the ship.
Thank you.
By the way, im Michael borden.
Welcome a-borden!
Welcome a-borden!
[Chatter]
Thats a little
purser unit, Mr. Borden.
Are you feeling lucky
for our gambling cruise?
Are you feeling lucky
for our gambling cruise?
Ill tell you, the waymy luck has been running,
im gonna wipe out
the entire casino.
Hey, have you guys ever seenone of these silver dollars?
Hey, have you guys ever seenone of these silver dollars?
My grandfather left it to me.
Its an idler specimen.
Its an idler specimen.
Is that something special?
The appraiser
that I took it to
told me that its worth over aquarter of a million dollars.
Told me that its worth over aquarter of a million dollars.
Mmm.
And they say a dollardoesnt go far these days.
Im gonna sell it to thisguy in acapulco who needs
im gonna sell it to thisguy in acapulco who needs
it to complete his collection.
Would you like me to putthat in the safe for you?
Not unless this hand
goes in there with it.
Not unless this hand
goes in there with it.
Excuse me.
I am lost.
I cant seem to find
the fiesta deck.
Thats funny.
It was here this morning.
Excuse me, but I just happenedto be going there myself.
Come on.
We can be lost together.
Come on.
We can be lost together.
Oh, no, no.
You dont have to do that.
You dont have to be abeautiful lady, but you are.
Well.
Well.
You cant argue with
logic like that.
Thank you.
Thank you, gentlemen.
M-hm.
M-hm.
Who says a guy cant
hit a jackpot twice?
-
oh, stew!
Oh, stew!
Oh, isnt this cruise afabulous honeymoon present?
Must have caused
your folks a bundle.
I almost wish theydgiven us the cash instead.
I almost wish theydgiven us the cash instead.
How romantic of you.
[Sighs]
[Sighs]
Hi.
Hi.
Nancy, and im Stewart sidon.
Mr. and Mrs., as of
six oclock tonight.
Congratulations.
Congratulations.
Well, welcome aboard.
Lets see.
Youre on the aloha
deck, cabin .
Youre on the aloha
deck, cabin .
Right.
Julie: Its through thosedouble doors and down two decks.
Come on, Mrs. Sidon.
We have a honeymoon to begin.
We have a honeymoon to begin.
Before you go,
would you like to try
your luck on the slot machine?
No, thanks.
Gamblings for suckers.
Oh, it sounds like fun, stew.
Oh, it sounds like fun, stew.
Its free.
One pull and you mightwin a Magnum of champagne.
Well, no sense in
passing up a freebie.
Well, no sense in
passing up a freebie.
Nancy: Thanks.
Ok.
Stewart: Lets go.
[Lever crunches]
[Lever crunches]
Oh.
Too bad.
You almost won.
Stewart: Gamblers never win.
Well, thats ok, honey.
Well, thats ok, honey.
Wait till you see what I havefor you as a consolation prize.
(Giggling)
(Giggling)
Florence.
How are you!
(Chuckling)
How nice to see you!
How nice to see you!
Oh, its wonderful
to see you again.
You look fabulous.
Florence, this is
my daughter, Vicki.
Vicki, this is my verydear friend Mrs. Flanders.
Vicki, this is my verydear friend Mrs. Flanders.
How lovely you are.
Thank you.
My father told me that hewas best man at your wedding.
My father told me that hewas best man at your wedding.
Oh, he was more than that.
He was not only best
man at the wedding,
he was dons best friend.
So you see, he was twice best.
So you see, he was twice best.
It was easy to
be a friend to Don.
What an extraordinary man.
He certainly was.
He certainly was.
And if there was ever ahappier couple than you two,
I certainly never met them.
I certainly never met them.
Its nice, you running thishospital charity in his memory.
And were gonna do everything wecan to make it a huge success,
arent we Vicki?
Arent we Vicki?
Oh, we sure are.
Oh, you should see
the casino that weve
set up in the acapulco lounge.
Hey!
Hey!
As a matter of fact, I
should get back to work.
Nice meeting you.
Bye bye.
Ive been informed that yourbrother has already boarded.
Ive been informed that yourbrother has already boarded.
Oh, good.
Ive asked him to supervisethe gambling for the hospital.
Well, lets go in.
ID like to meet him.
Frank, this is
captain merrill stubing.
This is my brother,
frank bannon.
Its a pleasure, frank.
Its a pleasure, frank.
Ive heard a lot
about you, captain.
Isnt that al Dixon that youwere just talking to earlier?
Yeah.
Yeah.
What you need is someone torun those gambling tables.
Thats als business.
I just asked him.
Any time youve ever beenin any kind of difficulty,
any time youve ever beenin any kind of difficulty,
hes always been there.
Now, you tell him
youre going to have
nothing more to do with him.
But im not havinganything to do with him, sis.
But im not havinganything to do with him, sis.
Hes just running the tables.
And its no big deal anyway.
Al may have k*lled some people,but hes completely honest.
Al may have k*lled some people,but hes completely honest.
I beg your pardon.
[Laughs] I was just
kidding, captain.
Excuse me.
I have to go to work.
I have to go to work.
Well, I suppose ifyoure gonna have gambling,
you have to have gamblers.
Yes.
Yes.
I just wish it werent
that particular gambler.
[Bell rings]
Isaac: Congratulations!
Isaac: Congratulations!
[Party noise]
Aunt gert, a hundred dollars.
Good old aunt gert.
These wedding checks should
give us a little cushion
these wedding checks should
give us a little cushion
to start out on.
Maybe well be
able to get a house
and start a family
sooner than we thought.
And start a family
sooner than we thought.
Oh, come on, Nance.
Weve been through
all that before.
No house and no kids until werefinancially ready for them.
Oh, but stew, you said
thatll take five years.
Oh, but stew, you said
thatll take five years.
I dont wanna wait that
long to have a family.
And dont forget, we still havethe money that we saved by not
and dont forget, we still havethe money that we saved by not
buying me an engagement ring.
I havent forgotten.
I havent forgotten.
Well, there is a way
we could do it sooner.
Yeah?
We could move in with
my parents for a while.
We could move in with
my parents for a while.
You arent serious.
Are you?
Well, nobody does that anymore!
Well, nobody does that anymore!
Think of all the money wecould save on rent and food.
We can invest all of this.
Well, im sorry, stew,but living with your parents
well, im sorry, stew,but living with your parents
is not my idea of being married.
Well, lets face it.
We want a house and afamily sooner, were gonna
we want a house and afamily sooner, were gonna
have to make some sacrifices.
This way I figure, we
can do it in a year.
One year?
One year?
Thats it.
Ok, if its the only way.
Ok, if its the only way.
Oh, thanks, hon.
And just think, instead ofmoving into a tiny apartment,
and just think, instead ofmoving into a tiny apartment,
weve got a great big houseto start our married life in.
Yeah.
Just the four of us.
Just the four of us.
Michael, ive signed usup for all the activities
for the rest of the cruise.
Hey, great, just great.
Hey, great, just great.
Are you good at skeet?
Uh, not if the boat is moving.
Well, how about shuffleboard?
Im not old enough.
Honey, just [inaudible]the lounges, and ill bring
us back a couple of drinks.
Woman: Wanna play bridge?
- I dont know how.
Woman: Backgammon?
- Maybe.
Isaac, a couple of your
world class margaritas.
Coming right up.
Hey, how are
you doing, gopher?
Not bad.
Not quite as well
as you are, though.
Not quite as well
as you are, though.
Yeah, Sally is
a terrific girl.
Ah, by the way, gopher,listen, do me a favor, will ya?
Ah, by the way, gopher,listen, do me a favor, will ya?
Dont tell Sally
about my, uh, coin.
Dont tell Sally
about my, uh, coin.
I mean, I want her to
like me for my charming,
witty, attractive self.
Maybe you better tell
her about the coin.
Maybe you better tell
her about the coin.
(Chuckles)
(Chuckles)
(Chuckles)
- Excuse me, Vicki.
- Yes
I would like to put ourwedding checks in the safe,
I would like to put ourwedding checks in the safe,
please.
Oh, im sorry, Mr. Sidon,but gophers the only one
who can get into the safe.
And he wont be back
for another minutes.
[Sighs] Ok.
Thanks.
M-hm.
You know, hon, I
think you were right.
I shouldve worn my tux.
Why dont you
go up and change?
Good idea.
Good idea.
Ok.
You deal with this, ok?
Ok.
Thanks.
Julie: Ladies andgentlemen, please remember
that all proceeds from gambling
will go to the flanders
that all proceeds from gambling
will go to the flanders
hospital charity.
So even if you lose, youll
be helping others win.
So even if you lose, youll
be helping others win.
Wont you join us for a whilein the casino before dinner?
Ill be right back.
M-hm.
M-hm.
[Chatter]
[Chatter]
Dealer: Make you bets, please.
Make your bets.
Last chance.
Last chance.
One more bet.
Eleven, red, and odd
eleven, red, and odd
hello, gorgeous.
Whoops!
I should have said
Mrs. Gorgeous.
Are you here to get
in on the action?
Oh, no, no no.
I was just curious.
Ive never seen a casino before.
Well, im a greatbeliever in beginners luck.
Well, im a greatbeliever in beginners luck.
So why dont you take
one of these and try it?
On the house, come on.
On the house, come on.
Well, thanks.
Thats very kind of you.
But what do I do?
Just follow me.
Just follow me.
Dealer: Place your bets, please.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Sure.
Now, put that $ chip
on your favorite number,
and just hope that lady
luck smiles on you.
Thats all.
Thats all.
Ok.
Um, well, ive always heard
seven is a lucky number.
Um, well, ive always heard
seven is a lucky number.
No more bets?
Seven, red, odd.
I won!
I won!
Congratulations!
Thank you!
Thank you!
I dont believe it.
How much did I win?
smackers.
smackers.
Oh, I dont believe it.
Not a bad way to start, is it?
No.
[Laughs]
[Laughs]
Gopher: Good evening.
Main seating dinner
is now being served
in the coral dining room.
(Laughing)
To my oldest and
dearest friend.
To my oldest and
dearest friend.
Its amazing that
your oldest and dearest
its amazing that
your oldest and dearest
friend doesnt even knowwhat you do to earn a living.
M-hm.
Im a high school teacher.
Oh, I like that.
Oh, I like that.
Its so stable.
Im sure you work
hard, although I know
that teachers are underpaid.
That teachers are underpaid.
Well, you cant tell.
One day I may strike it rich.
My ship may come in.
Well, personally, for yoursake, I hope you miss the boat.
Well, personally, for yoursake, I hope you miss the boat.
Whats that supposed to mean?
Sounds like you dont
like money or something.
Oh, moneys ok if you
work for it like you do.
Oh, moneys ok if you
work for it like you do.
But when someone comes
into it suddenly,
it does terrible things to them.
It does terrible things to them.
What kind of terrible things?
Well, a few years
ago when I was married,
well, a few years
ago when I was married,
my husband had a
big inheritance.
And overnight he went froma sweet, down-to-earth guy
and overnight he went froma sweet, down-to-earth guy
to a greedy, money-mad maniac,and it ruined our marriage.
To a greedy, money-mad maniac,and it ruined our marriage.
Hey, im sorry.
Thats all right.
Thank you.
Thank you.
But on the other
hand, I have this friend
whos coming into a quarterof a million dollars soon.
And hes the same wonderful
guy he always was.
Thats because he hasnt
gotten the money yet.
Im just glad it
didnt happen to you.
Thank you.
Well, I already
know what I want.
Stew, you havent even looked.
Stew, you havent even looked.
I just want a kiss
from my beautiful bride.
Aww.
Mmm.
Leave room for seconds.
Oh, of course.
Stew, what do you say we checkout the casino after dinner?
What for?
Were not gonna gamble.
Were not gonna gamble.
Oh, but it might be fun.
Some people must win.
Gambling is
stupid, and I dont
gambling is
stupid, and I dont
wanna be around stupid people.
Well, hello there, lucky lady.
Well, hello there, lucky lady.
What was that all about?
Oh, you know Dr. Bricker.
Oh, you know Dr. Bricker.
When you went to change, I wastelling them all about you.
And he said I must be theluckiest lady in the world.
And he said I must be theluckiest lady in the world.
Well, I already know
im the luckiest guy.
Sorry im late.
ID like to propose a toastto the success of the flanders
ID like to propose a toastto the success of the flanders
hospital charity
drive, and especially
to its chairwoman, mylovely and longtime friend,
to its chairwoman, mylovely and longtime friend,
Florence flanders.
- Here here!
- Here here.
- Thank you, merrill.
You know, I must say, I hadno idea that running a charity
you know, I must say, I hadno idea that running a charity
was such hard work.
[Chuckles] But you know, thishospital was dons dream.
[Chuckles] But you know, thishospital was dons dream.
So of course, its all worth it.
Im sure hed be very
proud of you, Florence.
Im sure hed be very
proud of you, Florence.
Thank you.
And I do wanna thank you allfor all of your help, truly.
Gopher gave $ to your
charity, Mrs. Flanders.
Gopher gave $ to your
charity, Mrs. Flanders.
Well, gopher, I might saythat was very nice of you.
Thank you.
I really wasnt
trying to be nice.
I really wasnt
trying to be nice.
I just kept rolling snake eyes.
[Laughter]
I wouldnt be
surprised if he donated
I wouldnt be
surprised if he donated
a lot more money to your charitybefore this cruise is over.
Oh, im sure he will.
Gopher has a heart of gold.
Gopher has a heart of gold.
Good evening,
everybody, excuse me.
Sis, I have to talk
to you right away.
What is it?
Not here.
Well, ill meet you on
the promenade deck right
after dinner.
Enjoy your dinner.
Michael.
Hm?
Why you keep patting
your chest like that?
Oh, uh, that?
Uh, because my heart keepssputtering when im around you.
Uh, because my heart keepssputtering when im around you.
[Chuckles] The man always
has the right answers.
[Chuckles] The man always
has the right answers.
Do you wanna go in and take alook at the gambling casino?
Sally, thats notexactly what I had in mind.
ID much rather spend
the evening with you
ID much rather spend
the evening with you
and a bottle of champagne
back in my cabin.
That way I cant lose.
Cant lose, huh?
Cant lose, huh?
I guess ive lost my femininemystique on our first date.
Oh, no.
No, no, I didnt--
thats not-- what I meant--
thats not-- what I meant--
hey, listen.
The casino sounds great.
Besides, just
think how much better
that champagne will
taste after its
that champagne will
taste after its
had a couple more hours to age.
Look, al, I told you.
My sisters gonna be
here in one minute.
And im gonna ask her.
And im gonna ask her.
I promise you.
Frankie, im gettingtired of promises, promises.
Frank, I know the
look on your face.
Whats going on?
Whats going on?
[Sighs] A couple ofweeks ago I made a friendly
[sighs] A couple ofweeks ago I made a friendly
little bet with al Dixon.
I havent paid him back yet.
I havent paid him back yet.
And now hes starting
to get less friendly.
I thought youd
given up gambling.
Oh, I did.
Oh, I did.
But this bet couldnt lose.
I mean, it couldnt lose.
How much do you owe him?
,.
,.
But if you lend it
to me, sis, ill
pay you back as soon as I can.
You never pay me back, noteven for the school lunch money
you never pay me back, noteven for the school lunch money
you used to borrow
to go to the movies.
Frank, I cant keepbailing you out like this.
Frank, I cant keepbailing you out like this.
When are you going to grow up?
Sis, if you dont
lend me the ,,
sis, if you dont
lend me the ,,
al Dixon may put a permanent
stop to my growing up.
Now please, sis.
Now please, sis.
Please!
No, frank.
This time youre gonna haveto stand on your own two feet.
This time youre gonna haveto stand on your own two feet.
Find a way out of this yourself.
[Chatter]
Frank really put you
on the spot, didnt he?
Oh, merrill.
I couldnt give frank
the money for that man.
I couldnt give frank
the money for that man.
Oh, it isnt the money.
Its just that frank
has to stop treating me
as though I was a piggy bank.
As though I was a piggy bank.
Well, your brother
is certainly old enough
to get himself out of any jam.
To get himself out of any jam.
Well, he is my brother.
And I certainly dont
want him to be hurt.
Do you think
hes in any danger?
Do you think
hes in any danger?
I dont know.
Maybe.
Maybe.
[Chatter]
Maybe you should
talk to Mr. Dixon.
I cant stand looking athim, let alone talking to him.
I cant stand looking athim, let alone talking to him.
[Sighs] This whole
thing has me so upset.
[Sighs] This whole
thing has me so upset.
Im going to bed.
Well, have a good sleep.
See you in the morning.
Thank you.
Hey, good evening, captain.
Hey, good evening, captain.
Gonna try your luck?
No, thank you.
Mr. Dixon, I, uh, I knowthis is none of my business,
Mr. Dixon, I, uh, I knowthis is none of my business,
but Franks sister is Avery good friend of mine,
and shes upset about themoney that frank owes you.
And shes upset about themoney that frank owes you.
And I was wondering
if you would allow
him more time to pay you back.
Oh, no problem, cap.
Oh, no problem, cap.
He already paid me back.
What?
Sure.
Paid me the whole thing.
Slates clean.
Slates clean.
Sally: Hmm.
Thats it for me.
Sally, why dont we get tothat champagne in my cabin?
Sally, why dont we get tothat champagne in my cabin?
Wait just a second, and letme lose my last dollar, ok?
Wait just a second, and letme lose my last dollar, ok?
[Chuckles]
Your perfume is
driving me crazy.
Your perfume is
driving me crazy.
It is the--
(Gasping) It is the--
here.
[Sneezes] Thank you.
[Sneezes] Thank you.
God bless you.
(Chuckling) Oh.
Oh!
Oh!
Look, Michael, I
found a silver dollar.
Maybe youll be lucky for it.
I hope so.
Wait, Sally, dont!
Sally: Oh!
Gimme back my dollar!
Gimme my dollar!
Somebody give me my dollar back!
Michael, whats
gotten into you?
Michael, whats
gotten into you?
You put my dollar in there.
I dropped it.
How could you do
something so stupid?
Im sorry!
Im sorry!
Here.
Heres a dollar.
I know you school
teachers are underpaid,
but youre ridiculous!
Sally.
Sally.
Sally, wait a minute.
Sally, you dont understand!
Oh, believe me, I understand.
Im just trying--
[slot machine buzzing]
Hey, you, lady!
Get away from that machine!
Thats my machine.
Nobody gets near
my slot machine!
Nobody gets near
my slot machine!
Just buzz off!
Dont make trouble.
Take a hike.
[Sighs] To think
when I was a kid,
[sighs] To think
when I was a kid,
I hated to go to bed early.
Ah, this is one of themany happy nights to come.
Ah, this is one of themany happy nights to come.
Yeah.
Till we move in
with your parents.
You know, stew, the more
I think about that idea,
the less I like it.
The less I like it.
Honey, I know its
not an ideal situation.
Well just have to
make the best of it.
Well just have to
make the best of it.
Itd be different if wewere better off financially,
but were not.
All right.
[Growls]
[Inaudible].
[Inaudible].
Good night now, ok?
[Knocking]
Come in.
You wanted to see me, captain?
Yes.
Yes.
I want to talk to you
about something before I
discuss it with your sister.
Oh?
I understand you had
a $, gambling debt
I understand you had
a $, gambling debt
recently, no means to pay it.
I dont see how thats anyof your business, captain.
It is my business
when, coincidentally,
there happens to be
a shortage of $,
there happens to be
a shortage of $,
in our casino receipts.
Ive gone over these receipts
a dozen times, frank.
Ive gone over these receipts
a dozen times, frank.
Each time it comes out the same.
There is $, missing.
Well, if I were you, captainstubing, ID just forget it.
Well, if I were you, captainstubing, ID just forget it.
Forget it?
Thats ridiculous.
I know Florence
may be hurt, but--
I know Florence
may be hurt, but--
she is going to be hurt.
A lot more than you think.
And in a different
way than you think.
And in a different
way than you think.
What do you mean?
I mean that the only thingthat keeps my sister going
I mean that the only thingthat keeps my sister going
is her memory of her
perfect marriage.
Now, I dont wanna
have to tell her
that for the last
year of his life
her perfect husband was havingan affair with another woman.
Her perfect husband was havingan affair with another woman.
Gopher: Good
morning, passengers.
We are now serving our
delicious breakfast
buffet on the starlight deck.
Buffet on the starlight deck.
Gopher, there has
got to be some way
to get this machine open.
To get this machine open.
Michael, look.
I already told you it
was sealed up before
we left Los Angeles,
and we cannot
open them until we get back.
Open them until we get back.
They didnt even
give us the keys.
Well, thats great.
That is just great.
My love life is down the
tubes, and my fortune
my love life is down the
tubes, and my fortune
is down the slots.
You still have your health.
Sorry.
We know your dollars in there.
We know your dollars in there.
Youre just gonna have to keepplaying until you win it back.
Hey, Sally.
Oh, im not going
to bother you.
Oh, im not going
to bother you.
Im on my way to breakfast, Andi just came in to get my stole.
Hey, listen, Sally.
Im really sorry aboutwhat happened last night.
Im really sorry aboutwhat happened last night.
Youve gotta give me
a chance to explain.
Theres nothing to explain.
Last night you were a sweetguy, and all of a sudden you
last night you were a sweetguy, and all of a sudden you
turn into some kind of maniac.
Hey, well, thats what
im trying to tell you.
Im not a maniac.
Im not a maniac.
Its just because this--
hey!
You, lady!
Get away from that machine!
I told you last night,
its my machine.
Now, buzz off, you old bat!
Sally, i-- Sally--
Sally, i-- Sally--
Mmm.
Mm.
This cinnamon roll is delicious.
Arent they great?
Arent they great?
Wait till you taste my moms.
Theyre the best.
Once we move into their home,you can have one every morning.
Once we move into their home,you can have one every morning.
Vicki: Hey, did you hear aboutthat passenger who won $,
in the casino last night?
Oh, what I couldnt
do with that!
Oh, what I couldnt
do with that!
Yeah, me too.
Did you hear that, honey?
Someone won $, last night.
Someone won $, last night.
Sure.
You always hear about thewinners, never the losers.
Besides, I couldnt get anyluckier than I already am.
Besides, I couldnt get anyluckier than I already am.
Well, I learned avaluable Blackjack lesson.
Yeah.
- Never take a hit on .
- [Chuckles]
Julie: Good morning.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Guys, Vicki and
I were thinking
that we are the only
people on this ship
that havent done anythingto contribute to the charity.
That havent done anythingto contribute to the charity.
Speak for yourself.
Ive made another generouscontribution at the Blackjack
table last night.
We thought we
might have a raffle.
We thought we
might have a raffle.
What are we gonna raffle off?
I could give a free operation
of the winners choice.
I could give a free operation
of the winners choice.
Just a thought.
Julie: What we could do isget some money out of the crew
emergency fund and
buy a color TV set,
then raffle it off
for $ a chance
and give the money
to the charity.
We could do that.
We have the money--
[interposing voices]
[Interposing voices]
Hey, thats a real
good idea, Julie.
And when we get to acapulco,you and I can buy the TV.
- Yeah.- yeah, and raffle tickets.
Dont forget raffle tickets.
Has everyone here everwon anything in a raffle?
I did.
I won a date with
Linda Evans once.
What happened?
I didnt go.
It was my bowling night.
It was my bowling night.
Frank, you do understand whyi cant give you the money,
dont you?
When are you gonna beresponsible for yourself?
When are you gonna beresponsible for yourself?
When you are right,sis, you really are right.
When you are right,sis, you really are right.
Ive got to learn tostand on my own two feet.
And when you do,
nothing will stop you.
And when you do,
nothing will stop you.
Im going to do
that right now.
Im going to go to work.
Good morning.
Hello, captain.
Hello, captain.
Its a beautiful day, isnt it?
Yes, it is.
Have you ever seen mysister looking any happier?
Have you ever seen mysister looking any happier?
See ya later.
Well, he seems to
be in good spirits.
Yes, and all because this
time I didnt baby him.
Yes, and all because this
time I didnt baby him.
Its funny how things work
out sometimes, isnt it?
Its funny how things work
out sometimes, isnt it?
Yes.
Very funny.
Dealer: Place your bets, please.
Place your bets.
Last chance.
Last chance.
No more bets, please.
Come on, !
Dealer: , black, and even.
Is lady luck treating
you any better?
Hardly.
I just got wiped out again.
I just got wiped out again.
Sure goes fast when
you keep losing.
Thats too bad.
Im going to need you
to settle up these ious.
Im going to need you
to settle up these ious.
Mr. Bannon, I dont
know what to do.
I dont have any money.
Well, thats what
husbands are for.
You can ask him.
You can ask him.
No, no.
I cant.
Mrs. Sidon, you
dont have any choice.
Um, do you take checks?
Personal?
Theyre gifts.
Will you endorse them?
Um, can I borrow a pen?
Um, can I borrow a pen?
Certainly.
Julie: Buenos dias, andwelcome to sunny acapulco.
Our casino will be closedwhile were in port, so enjoy
our casino will be closedwhile were in port, so enjoy
a day of sight
seeing and shopping
in this lovely
and exciting city.
Remember, the casino will openagain tonight after we sail.
Remember, the casino will openagain tonight after we sail.
Bien tiempo!
Michael, im sorry.
I had no idea that
coin was so valuable.
I had no idea that
coin was so valuable.
Besides, it just goes to provewhat I said about people coming
into money all of a sudden.
Sally--
Sally--
you acted like a
crazy man last night.
Sally, you mean so much to me.
Sally, you mean so much to me.
In fact, I think imfalling in love with you.
Let me just get
the dollar back--
see?
There you go again.
Money first.
Money first.
Sally, ill spend
the rest of my life
proving to you that moneydoesnt have to change me.
Michael, I dont know.
I just dont know.
Ok.
Ok, I gave it my best pitch.
Ok, I gave it my best pitch.
Thats all I can do.
I guess ill go back to my cabinand get some sleep before I
hit the slot machine again.
Hit the slot machine again.
Oh, these are for you.
Michael?
Do you need somebody tohelp you pull the handle?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
[Chuckles]
Sorry.
Frank took $,?
Frank took $,?
What does sister say?
I havent told her yet.
He implied if I
turned him in, hed
he implied if I
turned him in, hed
tell Florence that duringthe last year of his life,
her husband was
having an affair.
Her husband was
having an affair.
What a nice brother.
Then again, he
could be bluffing.
No, Adam.
No, Adam.
I think hed really tell her.
No, I dont mean that.
I mean he could bebluffing about the affair.
You could be right, Adam.
You could be right, Adam.
How could I ever find out?
Well, there you are.
Well, there you are.
That mustve been some
long exercise class.
Well, im, um, trying
to take off some weight.
Well, im, um, trying
to take off some weight.
Why?
I think youre perfect
just the way you are.
Oh, a Margarita, please.
Thank you.
So whats the matter?
So whats the matter?
What, is something the matter?
Nothings the matter.
It just seems like yourea little distant, thats all.
It just seems like yourea little distant, thats all.
Youre not having second
thoughts about being
married to me, are you?
No, stew, of course not!
No, stew, of course not!
Well then, whats
bothering you?
The only thing
thats bothering me
is you asking me
whats bothering me.
Is you asking me
whats bothering me.
Im gonna take a swim.
Im enjoying thisstroll very much, merrill,
but is there somethingyou wanted to talk about?
But is there somethingyou wanted to talk about?
Well, not really talkabout something, Florence.
I just thought we might have
a little chat, reminisce
about the good old days.
About the good old days.
Oh, they certainly were.
[Sighs] You know, I couldnthave asked for a better life.
[Sighs] You know, I couldnthave asked for a better life.
But then you werefortunate enough to have one
of the worlds great marriages.
Of the worlds great marriages.
Oh, not one of the worlds,the worlds greatest marriage.
Oh, not one of the worlds,the worlds greatest marriage.
[Chuckles] Are
we sure about that?
You two were two of theclosest people I ever knew.
You two were two of theclosest people I ever knew.
We certainly were, exceptfor the last year of his life
we certainly were, exceptfor the last year of his life
when he was traveling
more than usual.
So I couldnt see him as much.
So I couldnt see him as much.
Hm.
Did you ever
play shuffleboard?
Occasionally.
Ill b*at you.
Ill b*at you.
Dont tell me youre stillupset about that little run
of hard luck you had.
Of hard luck you had.
A little run of hard luck?
Mr. Bannon, I gambled away
all our wedding checks.
Mr. Bannon, I gambled away
all our wedding checks.
I may have lost my
husband in the bargain.
Oh, come on.
You just lost a few bucks
at the roulette table.
You just lost a few bucks
at the roulette table.
A few bucks?
Maybe thats what it is toyou, but its a lot more to us.
If stew ever find out what ivedone, hell never forgive me.
If stew ever find out what ivedone, hell never forgive me.
[Sighs] You know, imawfully sorry you had to learn
[sighs] You know, imawfully sorry you had to learn
the hard way Mrs. Sidon.
I wish I could help.
Gopher: We hope you enjoyed
your stay in acapulco.
Now were heading home.
Now were heading home.
And dont forget the casinowill be open in minutes.
Its all for charity.
So why not take a chance?
So why not take a chance?
(Giggling)
Thats a great looking TV set.
Yeah.
When Julie and I go shopping,
we dont fool around.
When Julie and I go shopping,
we dont fool around.
Hey, did you get
the raffle tickets?
Of course we did.
Oh, and when we told the
man it was for charity,
he gave us the
tickets real cheap.
He gave us the
tickets real cheap.
Nice going, girls.
Ladies and gentlemen,
step right up here.
[Interposing voices]
--First chance to wina beautiful new color TV.
--The tabs right here.
--The tabs right here.
[Sighs]
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Well, thats it.
I am broke.
Aww.
Here.
Ive got one coin left.
- Thank you.
- No!
- Thank you.
- No!
No, no, no, no.
Wait a minute.
The way your luck
has been running,
I think I better play this coin.
I think I better play this coin.
Cant watch.
Mmuh!
There it goes!
Luck, be a lady.
Ooh.
Oh!
Ooh.
Oh!
Ahh!
A-ha!
Oh!
Florence: Merrill, I
cant believe that frank
actually stole $,.
Im sorry, Florence.
Im sorry, Florence.
I was hoping I wouldnt
have to tell you, but--
well, frank has been onthe edge of right and wrong
a couple of times
before, but hes
never done anything criminal.
Never done anything criminal.
Well, this time he has.
[Knocking]
Hes here.
Hes here.
Be as strong as you can.
Evening, captain.
Good evening.
Sis, youll be happy to hearthat money continues to roll
in for flanders hospital.
In for flanders hospital.
Charity may begin at
home, but it really gets
roaring at the roulette tables.
Were gonna prosecute, frank.
Were gonna prosecute, frank.
The authorities will bewaiting as soon as we dock.
Well, I hope you
know what youre doing.
Oh, he has no choice, frank.
Oh, he has no choice, frank.
I mean, you committed
a criminal act
oh, is that what it was, sis?
Im afraid so.
Im afraid so.
Merrill, will he
have to go to jail?
Thats not up to me, Florence.
Frank, how could you
do something so foolish?
Frank, how could you
do something so foolish?
Foolish?
Huh.
Well, I guess everybody
does something
well, I guess everybody
does something
foolish once in theirlife, dont they, captain?
Sis, ive got something
I wanna tell you.
What is it?
Look, I dont
think theres a point
look, I dont
think theres a point
in discussing this any further.
Florence: Its all
right, merrill.
Florence: Its all
right, merrill.
Frank, im sorry now thati didnt give you the money
when you asked for it.
But I care a great
deal about you,
but I care a great
deal about you,
and ill always be here whenyou need someone to listen.
And ill always be here whenyou need someone to listen.
Now, what was it you
wanted to tell me?
Now, what was it you
wanted to tell me?
I just wanted you to know,sis, that im sorry, I mean,
I just wanted you to know,sis, that im sorry, I mean,
really sorry for all the
pain ive caused you.
Really sorry for all the
pain ive caused you.
Can I go, captain?
You know something, sis?
You know something, sis?
Youre the only one thatever gave a damn about me.
Pardon me, maam.
Would you consider
getting together
would you consider
getting together
for a drink and somedinner with a married man?
Sure.
You know, its funny.
Mom said before we left,if we wanted to invest all
mom said before we left,if we wanted to invest all
of our wedding checks
at our local bank,
theyd give us a free toaster.
So what do you think?
Do we need a seventh toaster?
Stew, cant you talkabout anything but money?
Stew, cant you talkabout anything but money?
Is that all you care about?
How we can save money,
how we can make money?
I mean, is always
money, money, money.
Oh, come on, Nancy.
Oh, come on, Nancy.
Whats the matter with you?
Nothing!
I just need some time alone.
I just need some time alone.
Fine.
You can have all the
time in the world.
[Door slams]
Oh, I had a terrible thought.
Oh, I had a terrible thought.
What if your coin is
still in the machine?
It cant be.
It cant be, because here it is!
It cant be, because here it is!
Oh!
Oh, baby, come to papa!
You beautiful thing.
Sally, do you know
what this means?
Sally, do you know
what this means?
It means vacations
on the riviera
and magnums of champagne
and German sports cars.
And magnums of champagne
and German sports cars.
Im very happy for you.
Oh, im gonna live it up.
Im gonna live it up.
I may even quit teaching.
I may even quit teaching.
See?
You have changed already.
Sally, were talking about aquarter of a million dollars.
Sally, were talking about aquarter of a million dollars.
[Knocking]
Its open.
Champagne man!
I deliver.
Oh.
Oh.
Thank you, Isaac.
Enjoy it.
If anyone deserves to
celebrate, its you two.
Congratulations.
Yeah, thank you.
Yeah, thank you.
Oh, Isaac.
Heres a lucky silver
dollar for you.
Heres a lucky silver
dollar for you.
Thanks a lot!
Michael!
Michael!
You just gave Isaac
a $, tip!
Sally, a minute ago when
I got all carried away
Sally, a minute ago when
I got all carried away
about the money, I saw
a look in your eyes
that told me that I couldntkeep both you and that dollar.
That told me that I couldntkeep both you and that dollar.
So I knew which one had to go.
Oh, Michael.
Oh, Michael.
You didnt have to do that.
I love you.
ID love you even
if you were rich.
ID love you even
if you were rich.
You mean it?
Yes.
Whew!
What a relief.
What a relief.
Because, my dear, the hand
is quicker than the eye.
Ta-ta!
Ta-ta!
[Gasps] Your dollar!
Oh!
Sally, I may be mad for
you, but I am not crazy.
Sally, I may be mad for
you, but I am not crazy.
[Chuckling]
Frank?
Frank?
Yes?
I wanna thank you for
not telling your sister
I wanna thank you for
not telling your sister
that news about her husband.
Please, captain.
The fact that I eventhought about telling her
has me hanging my head in shame.
Has me hanging my head in shame.
Frank, theres something
I want to tell you.
Oh, merrill.
Julie told me you wantedto see me about something.
Julie told me you wantedto see me about something.
Yes.
I want to talk to both
of you about something.
Frank, im thinking
about not turning
you over to the authorities.
You over to the authorities.
Do you mean that?
With a couple of conditions.
One, the $, you took fromthe charity must be replaced.
One, the $, you took fromthe charity must be replaced.
I was intending
to do that anyway.
I was intending
to do that anyway.
I thought you would.
And two, the more
important condition,
and two, the more
important condition,
frank, that you donate yourtime and services to the charity
until you work off
all that money.
Until you work off
all that money.
Captain, I dont think
I deserve all this.
Im not sure about
that either, frank.
But I am sure that
your sister doesnt
deserve to be hurt any further.
Deserve to be hurt any further.
Just say youre getting
a second chance.
And I thank you
for that, captain.
Sis, ill never
let you down again.
Never.
Stew?
Im sorry for the
way ive been acting.
Im sorry for the
way ive been acting.
No, im the one
who should apologize.
Ive been acting like
a man about to retire,
rather than a man juststarting out in a marriage.
Rather than a man juststarting out in a marriage.
Babe, youre only
trying to protect us.
Stew, listen to me.
Nancy, ive decided
were not going
to move in with my parents.
Why?
Why?
We young lovers
need our privacy.
[Sighs] Stew.
Oh!
Oh!
Listen, I got a
little surprise for you.
What kind of surprise?
Come on.
Youll see.
Youll see.
Gopher.
Yes.
May we have our valuables
from the safe, please?
Coming up.
Coming up.
Stew, what are you doing?
Stew, what are you doing?
Honey, could you
hold me for a second?
Oh.
I love you so much.
But up until now ivebeen too cheap to show it.
But up until now ivebeen too cheap to show it.
So ive decided to spendsome of the wedding checks,
buy you the nicest engagementring they may have on board.
Buy you the nicest engagementring they may have on board.
Oh, stew.
Oh, stew.
Uh, sir?
Here.
Oh, thanks.
Oh, thanks.
Stew, wait!
Um, before you open that,can I ask you a question?
Sure.
Sure.
What if I gambled away everycent of our wedding money.
Would you still love me?
Nancy, you didnt.
Nancy, you didnt.
Please, just
answer the question.
Well, of course ID love you.
Why did you scare me like that?
Why did you scare me like that?
I just wanted to know.
Where did this come from?
Where did this come from?
A $ chip?
A friend gave it to me,
said that it was lucky.
A friend gave it to me,
said that it was lucky.
In that case, why dont
we go into the casino
and put it on a number?
No, lets not.
No, lets not.
The only thing I ever
wanna bet on is us.
Julie: Attention,
ladies and gentlemen.
Will passengers holding
raffle tickets, please
will passengers holding
raffle tickets, please
wait before disembarking.
The drawing for the
color TV will be held
shortly in the pursers lobby.
Good luck!
Good luck!
I hope you all
enjoyed the cruise.
And now before the
drawing, Mrs. Flanders
would like to say a few words.
Would like to say a few words.
I just wanna thank you allfrom the bottom of my heart
for helping to raise $,for the flanders hospital.
For helping to raise $,for the flanders hospital.
[Applause]
And now, thanks to the
generosity of my crew,
and now, thanks to the
generosity of my crew,
lets see who wins
the color TV set.
Gopher: Whee!
Round and round
you go, and where--
Mr. Bannon, thank you.
You saved my life.
You saved my life.
Listen.
I know how good it feels tobe given a second chance.
I know how good it feels tobe given a second chance.
My drum is
spinning and spinning
and spinning and spinning!
Oh, I hope we win.
And just a few more.
And just a few more.
Honey, we already have.
Of course, im gonna have
to go back to acapulco
and get the money from this guy.
And get the money from this guy.
We could do it on our honeymoon.
Gopher: Round and round--
all right!
All right!
All right, gopher.
Thats enough!
Now, lets see
who the winner is.
Now, lets see
who the winner is.
Good luck to all of you.
And the winning number is--
one, five, four,
five, five, six.
One, five, four,
five, five, six.
[Cheering]
Wait a minute.
Theyre all the same number!
No wonder we got
the tickets so cheap.
[Theme song]
[Theme song]
07x16 - The Buck Stops Here/For Better or Worse/Bet on It
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
Set on the luxury passenger cruise ship MS Pacific Princess, and revolves around the ship's captain Merrill and a handful of his crew, with passengers played by guest actors for each episode, having romantic and humorous adventures along the way.
Set on the luxury passenger cruise ship MS Pacific Princess, and revolves around the ship's captain Merrill and a handful of his crew, with passengers played by guest actors for each episode, having romantic and humorous adventures along the way.