02x18 - Would You Wrather Have a Secret Admirer?

[bunniefuu]

So, if you ever find yourself


in the bowling alley parking lot
craving a sloppy joe,


visit Gary's Food Car.


It's like a food truck,


but it's a car.


Okay. So today's segment is all about
that little voice inside your head


that tells you when you're
doing something wrong.


I think mine's broken.


So, the question is,


would you rather have your inner voice


sound like a classically trained
opera singer...


Ollie!


It's been a week


You really should brush your teeth


Oh, you and I are not going to get along.


Or have your inner voice sound like
that virtual assistant lady,


thanks to our custom-built speaker.


Female Robot Voice:
Fred, I don't think anyone smelled that.


You're in the clear.


Sleep, Evelyn. Sleep!


And the winner is...


-(dings)
-Opera voice!


Jenna:
What is all that noise?


Yay, it's : a.m.,


and there's a man
with a cape in my backyard.


Should I tell Mom to fetch a brush


Because her head looks like a nest


att*cked by angry squirrels?


Yeah. You're done.


[c.fontcenter](theme song playing)[/c]


Would you rather lose your phone


Or give up pizza for a month?


Share your diary with the world


Or have to eat it for your lunch?


Sing out of tune to your friends


Or trip and fall into your crush?


Shave your head, paint it red


Or use your dog's toothbrush?


We need a little Q and A


Come on, Wratherheads, play along


Would you rather do this?


Would you rather do this?


Would you rather do that?


Would you rather do that?


Don't matter what we do


We're doing it with you


I'd rather do that


Ask the world!


Would you rather do this?


Would you rather do this?


Or would you rather just dance?


Or would you rather just dance?


No matter what we do


We're doing it with you


I'd rather do that


Ask the world!


Would you rather do that?


It's too hard.
I can't decide!


Ugh.


What's up?


Delaware has to write a paper
on her future career choice.


I have it down between
a doctor and a carnival worker.


Of course, my parents are pressuring me
to follow in their footsteps.


But I also really like
the idea of being a doctor.


Your parents are carnival workers?


Whoa! Those are the people who figured out
how to deep-fry ice cream.


Thank them for their service.


-Hey, Joelle.
-Hey.


So I'm taking pics for our yearbook.
Do you mind?


Not at all.


I'm feeling chin-in-hand pose.


Three, two, one.


Actually, this is only
for people in our middle school.


Fine. But if you want
that yearbook to pop,


I'll give you a casual,
over-the-shoulder laugh pose as I leave.


(laughs)


-Sorry about that.
-That's okay.


But I'm still supposed to
just get people in our school.


Could you scoot over?


Um, Delaware goes to our school.


Oh, my gosh. I am so sorry.
Okay.


(camera shutter clicks)


That's great. Thanks.
Nice to meet you.


Nice to meet me?
I'm in two classes with her.


-It's no big deal.
-It's not the first time.


I've been going to our school
for a year, and...


I still feel invisible.


-Delaware, you have friends.
-I know.


Great ones.


Just not a lot.


Yet. Just be patient.


Bye, Cami!
Again, so sorry, Alaska.


Hey, Mom.
What's for dinner?


The one, the only,


sloppy joes!


You didn't buy them from a guy
in the bowling alley parking lot, did you?


(huffs): How dare you?


I am a good mother.
I made them.


But why do you ask?


Good day, fair maiden.


Sweetie, I love your outfit!


Oh. (chuckles)
Thanks.


Got it from the roller rink
lost and found.


You... make my daughter happy.


So, a raven's brought news.


I've been selected to head
this year's school Renaissance fair!


Ah, man. Sorry about that.


It's a good thing.


Oh.


Yay...


Under my leadership,


this year's fair is going to be
the best ever,


but I'm going to need a lot of help.


Whatever you need, just ask.


Thanks, but I know
you're not really into this,


so I'm gonna let you off the hook.


-Okay. Would have been happy to help.
-Mmm.


No dancing.


It's going to be a lot of hard work,
but I've already lined up a food booth.


"A" food booth?
I think you mean "the" food booth.


So, what's the one thing
every Ren fair has?


Lots of lonely people?


Turkey legs.


Now, everyone out.
I need to perfect my recipe.


Uh, shouldn't you do this
at your own house?


Hmm. You'd think someone who bought
mystery meat out of a car trunk


might want to pick up some pointers?

I will go get a pen and paper.


Whatcha up to, Ollie?


Just doing my homework.


(both laughing)


We have fun.


So whatcha really doing?


Just doodling.
It relaxes me.


I got lady problems.


Don't worry.
Luckily there's a person here


who can give you some expert advice
when it comes to the ladies.


The mailman's here?


No. Me.


There's a reason I'm called
Button-nose McStudly.


Does it count if only you
call yourself that?


Just tell me what's going on.


Fine.


You know how I've always said
girls are gross?


Well, I talked to one today,
and it wasn't gross.


Ollie, you have your very first crush?


I don't know about that.


I just know she's cool,
even though she's in a grade above me.


That's no big deal.


Especially to The Brothers McStudly.


Don't make me a part of that.


Anyways, the problem is,
I'm scared to talk to her.


What you do is, you write her a letter,
but don't say who it's from.


That way, you can say what you want
without being nervous,


because she won't know you wrote it.


-That's not a bad idea, Buttons.
-(chuckles)


Come on. Grab the laptop.
I'll even help you write it.


(clears throat)


"What up, girl?
How you doin'?"


That's gold.


Just wait till I show you my cool walk
that all the girls love.


Whoa!


That's double gold.


Charlotte, I know
the planning meeting hasn't started yet,


but I'm gonna need security
for my turkey booth.


People may start overturning cars
to get to my succulent legs.


Which is why I'm not wearing shorts.


(both laugh)


We got you covered.


Hey, did you hear we're doing
a jousting booth this year?


Knights can play-fight on toy horses.


It was all Caleb's idea.


Good morrow, Princess.


The villagers and I await
her majesty's royal orders.


Okay, what is Caleb doing here?


He volunteered.


Unlike my family and boyfriend,
he loves this stuff.


Well, un-volunteer him.


Working alongside your ex never ends well.


Fred, it's fine.


No. Remember how ugly it got


when Neve and I tried
cheerleading together?


Yes. Security dragged you off the field


because you weren't a member
of the cheerleading team.


The point is, it can get awkward.


Fred, Caleb and I are just friends now.


Trust me. We're cool.


(royal trumpet blaring)


The stage is yours, my lady.


Hello, family.


Hello, table.


Hello, couch.
I can't forget about you.


Well, you seem happy.
Or have you been eating crayons again?


Yes, and yes.


Did you get another letter?


I leave one
in her skate locker at the rink,


she tapes one for me on the door.


It's not ideal, but what relationship is?
Am I right?


Wha-- There's a girl?
Is there a play date on the books?


I am thinking of asking her
to go play air hockey,


but only if the expert tells me I'm ready.


Thumbs up, buddy.


Nice. I'm gonna go work on my next letter.


Well, look at you, Mr. Big Bro,
stepping up for Ollie.


I'm proud of you.


That's why they call me
Button-nose McStudly. (chuckles)


What? Who calls you that?


Do you want me to talk to their parents?


No, I like it.


You shouldn't.


I am so glad you're not upset
about Joelle's comment anymore.


Nope. 'Cause someone else
is definitely noticing me.


What's going on?


Delaware's been talking to a guy.


A romantic guy.


He's been leaving letters
in my skate locker.


Listen to this.


(clears throat)


"What up, girl?
How ya doin'?"


Cooper, what is the problem?


Delaware's secret crush is Ollie.


What?


How do you know?


Because I helped write those letters.


"What up, girl?
How ya doin'?"


That's straight from the pen
of Button-nose McStudly!


Me!


So many disturbing things to process.


Do we tell her?


She seemed so moved by my poetic charm.


Yes, we tell her, Buttface McGoober!


Okay, that's not even close.


Are you noticing how I'm walking?


I am.


Did you pull a muscle?


So you think I have muscles?


Ollie, Mom says to go to your room
right now for a time-out.


Oh, man. She found the broccoli.


It may be a while.


(whispers):
Wait for me.


Delaware, we need to talk
about your secret crush.


Wait. Do you know who he is?


(gasps):
Tell me, tell me, tell me!


No. We, uh, just wanna say
how happy we are for you.


Thanks, Cami.
I'm happy for me, too.


Well, I should go.
See you guys.


Why didn't you tell her about Ollie?


You saw how excited she is.


This is a delicate situation,
and I don't want to hurt her feelings.


(door opens)


Sorry, I forgot my--


Get out, get out, get out of here now!


I mean, what do you need, bestie?
(chuckles)


A little birdy told me
you're still crushing on someone.


Is it that beady-eyed sparrow
who sits outside my bedroom window?


He's got it coming.


Does your little gal pal have a name?


Yes. Delaware.


Delaware?
As in Cami's friend. As in...


-year-old Delaware?


Yep. We're totally vibing.


And it's all thanks to Coop.


-I gotta get something in the fridge.
-Hold, please.


You and I both know
there is nothing edible in that thing.


Start talking!


It's a hilarious misunderstanding...


that I promise I will fix right now.


Ollie.


Why didn't you tell me
your crush was on Delaware?


You didn't ask.


Plus, you said a grade above
was no big deal.


Yeah, I meant one grade.
Not four.


But she's really cool!


And her parents work for the carnival.


-So?
-So...


Free rides on the roller coaster,


VIP access to the puke bucket,


and if I'm really lucky,
I might get to meet a merman.


Half man, half mer.


Ollie, I'm sorry, but Delaware is too old.


This ends now.


Sorry. I already wrote a note
asking her to meet up in person.


I can't let you do that.
Give me the note.


Too late. It's in her locker.


If she gets it tomorrow,
my true identity will be revealed.


Bye, Button-butt!


It's Button-nose!


(upbeat harpsichord music playing)


Hey, Darryl,
how are those liver pies moving?


Not so good, huh?


What? Are you kidding me?


Let's go.


Lonnie, take off your headphones
and look alive.


We need to move!


Ketchup on my bird thigh?


Why not just cover it in my own blood?


Drumstick denied.


(laughing)


(laughing continues)


Hey, guys.
Did I miss something funny?


Oh, we were just laughing about
what happened in orchestra practice today.


(both laughing)


Hey, speaking of laughter,
you want to hear a joke?


-Sure!
-Knock, knock.


-Who's there?
-Dixon.


Dixon who?


Oh, so you did forget
the name of the guy you're dating.


Fred, may I speak to you, please?


Back it up, Lonnie.


Beep, beep, beep.


Okay.


I really need you to stop.


There's nothing going on
between me and Caleb.


I'm just looking out for Dixon.
We've really started to bond.


We call each other bros, Charlotte.
Bros!


And I appreciate that,
but I can look out for myself.


I am a powerful woman,
and respected school leader.


Third time today, Jeffrey!


You're goin' in the cider barrel!


So what were you two talking about?


Nothing. We were just...


Wait a second.


(sniffs, then sighs)


You're making me very uncomfortable.


I know that cologne.


And there's only one reason
a man would wear Summer Stallion.


You do want Charlotte back.


I'll deny it if you say anything,


but of course I do.


Charlotte and I have way more in common
than she has with that simpleton, Dixon.


Charlotte will never take you back.


I thought that, too.


Especially after the scene
I made during our breakup.


I think we should break up.


I feel we're just better off as friends.


Darn.


I was an animal that night.


But I've won back Charlotte's trust.


And soon, we'll be a couple once again.


Sorry, Caleb.


I can't let that happen.


Oh, really?
Well, good luck stopping me.


Say hello to my "A" game.

See you around, Freddy.


Dixon, bro. Get down here.


There's a summer stallion on the loose.


Fred. This is Fred!


-Hey. Did you write the note?
-I did.


I crafted the perfect letter to Delaware
about how we can never be.


But to me, she'll always be
the coolest girl in school.


She'll feel good about herself,
and we'll be out of this mess.


Great. Now we just have to
throw out Ollie's letter,


and replace it with yours.


Delaware: Hey, guys!


I decided to come skating early.


You dropped your...


letter to me?


Oh, no. That's a letter
I wrote to another Delaware.


The... state.


"To the coolest girl around"?


Cooper, you know
I'm good friends with Peyton, right?


The girl you're seeing?


Oh, yeah. Peyton.
I remember her.


You're disgusting!


Okay, I suppose I deserved that.


Cami, can you believe your brother?


No.


This is all so upsetting.


Cooper, how could you sneak
behind Peyton's back?


You monster!


I think that's enough now.


Seriously?


So that's what you were up to!


You wanted me to stop
crushing on Delaware,


so you could have her for yourself!


Ollie, that's not what happened.


Betrayed by my own flesh and bones!


That's not the expression!


Wait a second.


So this whole time,
my secret admirer's been Ollie?


Delaware, let me explain.


No. I get it.


I was stupid to think that
someone from my own class would notice me.


All right, Fred.


Where is this girlfriend-stealing--


(gasps):
Giant turkey leg!


I'll take four, and a carton of milk.


Dixon, focus!


Caleb means business.


He's going around saying he has more
in common with Charlotte than you.


(scoffs): Please.
Charlotte and I have plenty in common.


Like...


We both have fingers!


Darn it. That's all I got.


Oh, man.
Maybe this guy's right.


Maybe he is a better fit for Charlotte.


Truer words have never been spoken.


Hat guy!


He came out of nowhere!


No. You just didn't hear me walk over.


I'm wearing my th-century pixie boots.


Dang it!
He is the total package!


What do I do, Fred?


You fight for her, bro.


You're right.


All right, Mr. Elf.


You can't have Charlotte
without going through me, first.


I accept your challenge.


Do you agree to adhere
to the medieval rules of battle


and joust for the hand of the maiden?


Dude! Stop trying to confuse me
by speaking French!


It's a duel on horseback.


We battle when the bell tolls three.


(chuckles)


Delaware.


Look,


I know it felt good being someone's crush,


but you should also feel good
about just being you.


I guess.


How many people at school
can play guitar upside-down?


Or... make up an entire language
only they can speak?


(speaking gibberish)


That means "How many?"


Just you.


So who cares if you don't have
a secret crush at the moment,


or some girl at school
doesn't remember your name.


You don't need anyone else
to make you happy.


You're Delaware.


Hey, Cami.
Hey, Delaware.


Hey! She got your name right!


Nice try.
How much did you pay her?


I didn't. I promise.


She really knew who you were.


(chuckles)


(makes strange noises)


That means "Yay!"


What's all the commotion about?


Oh, I don't want to be "that guy,"


but I was totally right.


Caleb is trying to win you back.


Drumstick drop.


My baby!


What are you talking about?


The good news is


I got my bro, Dixon,
to come down here and fight for you.


-(royal trumpet blares)
-Are you kidding me?


This isn't a real horse!


What a rip.


Enough talk.


It's time to battle
for the maiden Charlotte.


(royal trumpet blares)


Here are our tickets.


Oh, it's on, bro.


Did he just call him "bro"?


Wake up, Fred.
He calls everyone "bro."


Get him, Caleb!


(motors whirring)


(bell dings three times)


I'm comin' for you!


I think.

Prepare to taste defeat.


Eventually.


(dramatic music playing)


(clattering)


Charlotte?


M'lady?


Listen up, you two.
And, Fred.


I am not a prize
to be won or lost over some stupid joust!


I'm a person who makes her own decisions.


So, here it is.


Caleb, you and I are
just going to be friends.


Period. End of story.


And Dixon, you're my boyfriend,
and have no reason to feel threatened.


Unless it's from me. Got it?


Now, everyone, please go back
to enjoying the fair.


I'm sorry, Charlotte.


I get what you're saying,


but Caleb was right about us
not having as much in common.


So what? I like the fact
that we're different.


Maybe that's what makes us
so interesting to each other.


You might be right.


Peanut butter and jelly
don't have much in common, either.


But they sure make a good sandwich.


They sure do.
(chuckles)


See that kid over there
in the cider barrel?


I did that.


Noice!


Ollie.
I need you to know that


I wasn't trying to steal
Delaware away from you.


I was trying to protect you.


From what?


From getting hurt.


Delaware isn't the right girl for you.


I'm sorry, but...


it's sometimes a big brother's job
to do what's best for you,


and not what makes you happy.


You sound like Mom.


Guess I deserve that.


Anyway, uh, Delaware felt really bad
about the mix-up, too, so...


she got you these.


Two tickets to the carnival?


At least one good thing came out of today.


Actually, two.


I found someone I can talk to
whenever I have a girl problem.


Thanks, Ollie.


I do have two tickets.
You want to come?


Sure.
(chuckles)


Hey. Instead of the carnival,
do you want to go to the Ren fair?


(both laughing)


We have fun.


And in a surprise to absolutely no one,


the winner of this year's
best Renaissance booth is...


Fred's Turkey Leg Tavern!


(crowd clapping and cheering)


Thank you.


Thank you, good people of the north.


I humbly accept
this massively huge trophy!


That's my bro up there.


He truly is "Lord of the Leg"!


Crowd (chanting):
Lord of the Leg! Lord of the Leg!


Lord of the Leg!
Lord of the Leg!


Lord of the Leg!


Lord of the Leg!
Lord of the Leg!


Wake him up!


He's getting turkey grease
all over my couch.


Aw! But look how happy he is.


Ollie:
Half man, half mer.