03x19 - You Only Surprise the Ones You Love

[bunniefuu]

(WHISTLING)

Hey... Hey, Joe! Emergency, Joe! JOEY: What?

We've been robbed!

Again?

I don't believe this!

Well, I'll tell you one thing. We are moving out of this neighborhood, pal.

Yes. Yes, I'd like to report a robbery.

What'd they get?

Everything. Everything.

Sports section, business section, the whole Sunday paper!

The newspaper? Yeah.

How am I gonna enjoy my Sunday morning now, without my paper? Just a minute.

Yes, officer? Yes, forget the robbery.

I'd like to report a m*rder in progress. I need my paper!

What's going on? His paper didn't come!

MICHAEL: That's right. Michael, are you okay?

(STUTTERING) I don't know. I'm a little lost. I'll tell you the truth.

Okay, calm down. Deep breaths.

We'll put on the news channel and you can watch it while you have your Danish.

Uh, it's not the same! Why not?

Because, I... I don't like Danish!

And I read the paper, and it gets my mind off the Danish!

Good morning!

A dog got to my paper before I did, so I borrowed yours.

I hope you don't mind.

My paper, my paper, my paper. I got my paper,

I got my paper, I got my paper...

Where's my Danish? I thought you didn't want it.

Gimme that!

I've got my Danish. I've got my paper. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.

I'm fine. (SOFTLY) I've got my paper.

Section B. Page 37, column four.

Lines 80 through 123. Have a good day.

What was that all about?

(READING) "City honors judge for 20 years on the bench."

What, our Judge? That's her picture.

Yeah, right! We're invited to the ceremony. The invitation came last week.

I guess I forgot to show you guys.

Hey, that's great! When is it?

Last night.

I think we're late.

♪♪ You can count on me

♪♪ No matter what you do

♪♪ You can count on me

♪♪ No matter where you go

♪♪ Standin' by your side

♪♪ I'll be right behind

♪♪ No one loves you more than I do

♪♪ Put your hand in mine

♪♪ I can see a part of me in you

♪♪ There's somethin' special that comes shining through

♪♪ I hear it in your laughter

♪♪ And I feel it when you cry

♪♪ I will be right there for you

♪♪ Until the day I die

♪♪ You can count on me

♪♪ No matter what you do

♪♪ You can count on me

♪♪ No matter where you go

♪♪ You can count on me ♪♪

How could I do this?

I mean, one of the most important nights in the Judge's life,

and I forget the invitation.

I mean, what kind of a person am I?

Hey, don't be so hard on yourself, honey.

You're right. It's genetic. One of you is an idiot.

Hey, don't talk about your father like that!

All right, listen. Come on. The Judge is obviously mad at us,

and we have to do somethin' to make it up to her. Now, think.

What makes her happy?

All right. What makes her pleasant?

Well, we missed her ceremony.

After a ceremony, you have a party, right?

A surprise party! We'll give her a surprise party.

And we'll invite all her friends. JOEY: That's great!

Except we don't know any of her friends.

That's crazy! Of course we do. MICHAEL: Sure we do.

Uh, what about... That guy. You know, that guy.

Her... The guy, with the hair.

Nah, they never met.

Her family! We'll invite her family.

Sure, there's her crazy aunt. You know, the one from Jersey.

The... The nutty one with the cats.

Oh... You... The one... She smells like pudding.

That's your aunt.

Great, so here's who's coming so far.

Uh, your aunt from Jersey who nobody wants

and a guy with hair that nobody knows.

This is unbelievable.

I mean, the Judge, you know, she's practically family

and we don't know who her friends are? (SOFTLY) Oh, boy.

I tell you, I can't even remember of the Judge ever talkin' about herself.

Well, if we want to give her a party, we've gotta find out something.

Without tipping the surprise.

That's easy. We just gotta ask the right questions.

MICHAEL: Bavarian cream pie?

Mmm, good.

Boy, those Bavarians sure know how to bake a pie, huh? (CHUCKLES) Hey.

Any of your family from Bavaria, Judge?

Why? You planning a surprise party?

Of course not. Could I see your birth certificate, please?

You're not gettin' anything outta me. We're not tryin'.

Got any brothers or sisters?

What should I wear to the party?

Any friends you haven't seen in a while? Buffet or sit-down?

(SIGHS) How about the people at work? Why you asking?

Askin' what? What's it to you?

I'm not saying. I'm not listening.

Then the conversation's over. What conversation?

We'll just be leavin'. Were you ever here?

You think she's on to us? None of your business.

Who we talkin' about? I don't know.

My head hurts.

So, in other words, you found out nothing. Nothing.

Guys, I thought you were gonna be subtle.

We were. We were so subtle, we didn't even know what we were talkin' about.

(SIGHS) Hey, we can always call the courthouse.

We can invite the people she works with.

That isn't enough.

If we want this to be special, we have to invite special people.

Eureka!

Where have you been? In the basement.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Guys, the basement is the Judge's personal area.

Well, how were we supposed to know it was personal?

You guys, take the suitcase back.

Hey, you guys wanted everybody to dig. We dug up a suitcase.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me explain somethin' to ya.

Going through somebody's personal property... That is invasion of privacy.

But how else are we gonna find out anything out about her?

We cannot do this. It's unethical.

Dad, remember, all we have coming so far is your aunt from Jersey

and a guy with hair.

Look, I'm sure that there's a lot of things

in that suitcase that are real personal to her.

Things that she would not want us to see. Like what?

CORY: (MUFFLED) Hey, guys, look!

Cory, take the stuff off and put it back in the trunk. Come on.

Joey, come on. The Judge is already on to us.

Maybe this way we could find somebody who would really surprise her.

Like the Judge's old law partner? Gimme that.

What, what, what? Look at the picture.

It's the Judge and some guy under a sign.

"Frazier and Wilbur. Attorneys at law."

Hey, look what she wrote.

"Me and Lou. Day one. September 16th, 1960."

Dads, he's perfect.

She's a big success now, and here's the guy who was with her at the beginning.

Boy, she looks so different. I almost didn't recognize her.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah. That's 'cause she's smiling. (CHUCKLES)

So, she thinks we can't surprise her, huh?

JUDGE WILBUR: Boys, you didn't have to get me a gift.

JOEY: Come on. This is our way of saying congratulations.

An address book.

In which I can put the names and addresses of all the people in my life.

And it replaces the one I mysteriously lost.

(CHOKING)

Well, I got a restaurant to run.

I gotta admit, I really thought tonight was gonna be party night.

Come on, Judge. We gave up tryin' to surprise you.

Besides, you said no. So, no means no.

Yeah, we respect that.

Well, thanks again.

See you tomorrow. Okay. (CHUCKLES)

Go!

(DOOR BUZZES)

Who is it?

JUDGE WILBUR: Me.

Just a minute!

Crazy me!

I forgot the lovely box my address book came in.

Oh, look at this.

A single, perfect mini-pizza.

And it's still warm.

Well, see you.

Bye. Be good. Take it easy. See you later.

Go!

One more thing. (CRASHING)

Good night.

Where is this Frazier guy? The party was supposed to start 15 minutes ago.

Everybody's upstairs waiting. (SIGHS) I don't know.

But I hope he gets here soon. I don't know how much longer Cory can stall the Judge.

Okay.

Your card is

the queen of spades.

Nope. I gotta go.

The jack of diamonds! Nope.

Okay, I got it.

The queen of spades!

There he is!

Mr. Frazier? Nicole?

You're late. We have to hurry. We're holding everything up.

Oh, why? For the surprise.

Surprise? Wait, she doesn't know I'm coming?

This may not be a very good idea.

Why not?

JUDGE WILBUR: Louis.

Margaret.

What's it been? 30 years?

Yeah.

Let's go for 60.

Judge, I don't get it.

He came all the way down from Boston to be here.

Aren't you happy to see your old friend?

We weren't friends.

We were married.

I feel so terrible.

We dragged you all the way here.

Your plane doesn't leave till tomorrow morning.

The least we can do is give you something to eat. I'm very embarrassed. I...

I feel that I'm the reason Margaret isn't coming to her own party.

Don't worry. No one will even know you're there.

ALL: Surprise!

Uh, false alarm. Everybody go back to eating.

Hey, what's goin' on? You were supposed to bring up the Judge.

She's not coming. Not coming?

Turns out she doesn't get along too well with her husband here.

Husband? Ex.

Louis Frazier.

Michael Taylor. Joey Harris.

You were married to the Judge?

He knows that.

(STUTTERING) Yeah, but I thought you were law partners.

Well, that, too.

(SIGHS) Look, we haven't spoken in 30 years.

When I got your call, I thought maybe she was willing to forgive and forget.

But I had no idea this was to be a surprise party.

Oh, boy. Oh, wow, we, uh... (SIGHS)

We wanted this to be such a great night for the Judge.

Boy, did we blow it.

You know what this makes me feel like?

Weenie?

Hello.

We're closed.

Listen, we didn't come down here to say we're sorry.

We tried to do something very nice for you, and you wouldn't cooperate.

Apology accepted.

Thank you.

And next time, we'll... You know, we'll try and respect the fact

that you're a private person.

We won't intrude in your personal life ever again.

So, what'd he do? Cheat on you?

If he cheated on me, I wouldn't be divorced.

I'd be a widow.

So, why'd you leave him?

He left me.

Why?

He wanted me to stop being a lawyer and stay home.

And I almost did it.

When I wouldn't, he took a hike.

(SCOFFS) Sounds like a real jerk.

I wouldn't marry a jerk.

He made me laugh.

We had a lot of fun.

Do you still have feelings for him, then?

I honestly don't know how I feel about him.

When I saw him again, I just reacted the way I always told myself I should.

Maybe I was right. Maybe I was wrong.

Now I'll never know.

And I hope that answers all your personal questions.

One more.

You're pushing it.

It's a favor. Could you talk to Nicole, please?

She feels so terrible about this.

Yeah, she won't even come back to the party.

Where is she? She's on the roof, waitin' for everybody to go home.

She thinks this is all her fault.

Could you talk to her, please?

Sure.

Is it all her fault?

Well, that's a very personal question, don't you think?

I think she's pushin' it.

Yeah, where do you come off askin' a question like that?

We don't ask you questions like that.

Oh, God.

You probably hate me so much right now.

I went through your private stuff.

I meddled in your personal life.

I tried on your Viking hat! How could you not hate me?

You tried on my Viking hat?

We missed your ceremony because of me.

And I didn't want you to think that I didn't care.

You're like family to us and you never let us do anything for you.

You wore my hat?

I'm sorry. About everything.

Honey, I understand why you did it.

And I love you, too.

Only, next time you decide to surprise me, let me know in advance.

Too late.

Huh?

Bye. What's going on?

How you doin', partner?

I can't believe this. Now, wait a minute. This was my idea.

They said they wouldn't bring you up here unless it seemed like you wanted to see me.

So, I, uh, guess you wanted to see me.

Their mistake.

All right. You don't want me here? I'll leave.

Hey, I've heard that before!

This time, let me get the door for you.

Well, that is really interesting.

You know, if you put your ear right against the door,

you can actually hear the ocean?

See, Nicole? (CHUCKLING) Fun with science! Sure is, Dad!

Yeah. Well, we're gonna be goin' now. (CLEARS THROAT)

Margaret, can we talk?

Sure.

So...

How ya been, Louie?

Oh, same as ever.

Still hate being called Louie.

But, uh, you knew that, didn't you, Maggie?

(CHUCKLES) We'll call that even.

As in, uh, equal.

The way two people in a marriage should be.

Oh, Margaret, it was 1960. Nobody was liberated then!

You weren't supposed to have a career.

We were partners before we were married.

You knew what being a lawyer meant to me.

Well, I thought once you got the ring, you'd, uh... (SIGHS)

You'd turn into Donna Reed.

Well, that's the way it was back then.

Harriet stayed home and took care of Ozzie.

Who also stayed home.

Hey, you should thank me.

You would never be where you are today if I hadn't stepped out of the way.

Are you gonna stand there and tell me that you deserve credit for my success?

Not this close to the ledge, no.

You know what your problem is?

You're stubborn.

And you hold a grudge all these years!

You walked out. I came back!

30 years later.

You know how hard it is to get a cab in this town?

Am I supposed to laugh now?

One joke makes it all better?

Hey, it wasn't... It wasn't easy for me to come here tonight.

You're celebrating your success.

The success that proved me wrong.

You could throw it all in my face.

I'm not like that.

Even though I am much more successful than you, I don't feel that I have to flaunt it.

(CHUCKLES)

JOEY: (WHISPERS) Will you get off my foot? MICHAEL: I'm not on your foot.

Guys, will you be quiet? We're just getting to the good part!

What'd he say? What'd he say? I don't know. You're making too much noise.

Something about him buying her a Ferrari.

That's ridiculous! What's she gonna do with a Ferrari? She doesn't even drive!

Sorry. I said, "Sorry," not Ferrari.

Sorry. Sorry, not Ferrari. Sure.

That much more sense. Sure, sorry.

Okay, we're just gonna be goin' on down, here. He didn't say Ferrari...

You know, your friends care about you very much.

When they called and invited me, I had to be here.

(MUSIC PLAYING) I didn't mean to ruin your party.

But, um...

Now that we're starting over, maybe I can make it up to you.

Where do you get that we're starting over?

Well, we're talking. We haven't done that in a while.

30 years I'd look in the mirror

and I'd rehearse all the horrible things I was gonna call you

if I ever got the chance.

Okay, I'm here. Say it.

How could you walk out like that?

You were a coward.

And you look better than I thought you would.

Well, I've changed.

I just hope that you've stayed the same.

You still got the gas mask?

Uh-huh. (CHUCKLING) You always were sentimental.

You remember the first time that we met?

Sure.

The ACLU fundraiser.

The band played Till There Was You.

You asked me to dance.

We argued over who would lead.

Come to think of it, we never actually danced.

Let's dance now.

You're crazy. Come on!

There's no music.

MICHAEL: ♪♪ There were bells on a hill

NICOLE, MICHAEL AND JOEY: ♪♪ On the hill, ah

♪♪ But I never heard them ringing

♪♪ No, I never heard them at all

♪♪ Till there was you ♪♪

(MUSIC PLAYING)