01x16 - The Toy Wonder

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are ♪

♪ Face-to-face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find ♪

♪ We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Makin' a go ♪

♪ Makin' it grow ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I together ♪

[EXHALES]

You're pacing again, Edward.
Now calm down. I suggest...

I took your suggestions, Kate.

I took deep breaths,
I pictured a peaceful setting,

I kept repeating to myself,

"I will relax, I will relax,"
a hundred times,

and nothing works.

That works.

Thank you.
Mm.

Remind me to get nervous
more often.

Oh.

I guess I am
a little too uptight

about meeting Barbra Webster.

But, Kate, she could be
vitally important

to the future of Eddie Toys.

Really? Who's Barbra Webster?

Son, she is the foremost
toy consultant in the country,

and I have
a golden opportunity

to get her
to come to work for me

because her contract
just ran out with Yamahoy Toys.

Oh, Yamahoy Toys are great.
They made Mr. Wiener Face.

Actually, Barbra Webster
has the Midas touch.

She gives a toy the thumbs-up,
you know it'll sell.

She gives it the thumbs-down,

you might as well
not even manufacture it.

She's that good.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

That's probably her now.

Yeah.

Now, Rick, be kind to her.
She's a giant in the industry.

I'm Barbra Webster.

Hi, Barbra. I'm--

Can the idle chatter.

This is going to be
short and sweet.

You've got one hour,
and the meter's running.

I've got to be somewhere
at 5:00.

You mean you got a meeting
with another toy company?

No. I don't wanna miss
The Flintstones.

Who are you?

Oh, I-- I'm Edward Stratton,
the president of Eddie Toys.

I'm pleased to meet you.

Of course you are.

Who are you?

Oh, well, I'm Ka--

Never mind.

And who's this?

Oh, this is my son Rick.

It's a pleasure
to meet you.

The pleasure's all mine.

Barbra, we got lots of
Eddie toys for you to look at.

I'd rather look at Ricky.

Ha ha ha ha.

Remember our deal.

I pass judgment
on three toys.

You see how I work.
I see how you work.

What do you got?

Uh, first item up
we proudly call the Horn Hat.

Yeah, Barbra. This is for kids
who like to jog. See?

And-And it's not only fun,
it promotes safety, too.

Now-Now watch. L-Let's just say
that you're jogging along,

and you come up behind
another jogger, okay?

You just push this.

[HONKS]

Now, let's say
you're jogging in the fog,

you just push this.

[FOG HORN SOUNDS]

Of course, if you're jogging
south of the border

you push this.

["LA CUCARACHA" PLAYING]

That's great.
What do you think, Barbra?

[GROANS]

First, I don't know many kids
who jog.

Second, that thing
looks real silly.

Third, it's a whole lot easier
to just yell,

"Get your buns out of my way."

Next.

But, Barbra, our research--

Next.

No problem. We've got
plenty other great toys.

Uh, yes. Uh, here we have

a unique invention
called Mr. Pogo Chair.

Rick, Rick, you wanna
demonstrate for us?

Okay, son.

Now buckle up for safety.

All set.

Sure, but what do I do?

Oh, yeah, you just take ahold
of these handles

and start bouncing.

Aha.

You having fun?

Am I ever.

Aha.

Forget it.

How come?

It's too complicating,
too hard to work,

and there's no way
to steer it.

You are so cute.

Uh, our third toy

is something
we call Stuffed Bunny.

BARBRA:
What does it do?

That's it.

Ordinary.

Old-fashioned.

A winner.

Ha ha ha.

Barbra... I must admit,

I'm pretty impressed
with you.

Yeah, so?

So I'll call my lawyer,

and, uh, we'll see if we can't
hammer out a contract,

and if everybody agrees,

you'll be the Chief Consultant
for Eddie Toys.

Vice president.

Vice president?
All you've got to do--

Uh, Barbra, we're going to be
going into the library,

and when we return,

hopefully we will be able
to have an acceptable offer.

I don't have all day.

My father told me
to ask for a dental plan.

We'll discuss that.

I wanna have
my own office.

We'll discuss that.

And a hefty percentage
of the gross.

[SIGHS] Barbra, I must admit,
it was pretty--

Let's cut the small talk.

Pardon me?

You know,

when I walked through
that door,

I was expecting
just another dull day.

And then I saw you.

I said to myself,

"Gorgeous,
there stands a lucky dude."

Th-That's funny.
I read my horoscope today,

and all it said was,
"Avoid seafood."

You know why your dad
wants to hire me?

Because...
I know what's hot.

And, babe...

ssssss...

you're hot.

C-C-Careful,
you don't wanna burn yourself.

Come here, handsome.

Uh... do you wanna play
some foosball?

Score.

Has anybody ever told you

you're a little...

intense?

Listen,

why don't you and I
go down to Dom's

and share a large pizza
and a small booth?

Gee, I'd love to,
but, um, I'm kind of busy.

You see, I have to go
up to my room

and count my socks.

I like a man
who plays hard to get.

Is that a coincidence?
That's the way I like my women.

Ricky,

are you gonna take me out
for pizza or aren't you?

I'm sorry, Barbra.

I'm just not interested.

Oh, I see.

Well, uh, maybe
you'd be interested in this--

Your dad wants me
to work for his toy company.

I want you
to take me out for pizza.

Get the picture?

You mean if I don't
take you out for pizza,

you're not gonna
work for my dad?

Do you like anchovies?

No.

Neither do I.

Hi, Ricky.

Hi, Kate.

Oh,
interesting sweatshirt.

I don't like it, either.
Barbra gave it to me,

and she's
coming over here today.

Oh, well, um...

What's on the back
of the shirt?

Nothing. Nothing, Kate.

Oh, come on, turn around.

It's not funny, Kate.

I-I know. It's just that
I'm a little surprised

to see you two
hit it off so well.

Well, Barbra grows on you.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

So do warts.

Hi, Rick.

Derek, am I ever glad
to see you.

You are?

There's something wrong,
right?

Of course
there's something wrong.

I said I was glad to see you,
didn't I?

Hey, is that any way
to speak to your best friend?

After all,
I've been nice to you.

Haven't said one word
about that stupid sweatshirt.

No, you haven't,
and I appreciate it.

[CHUCKLES]

Derek.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh, get lost.

Come on, Rick.

If we can't laugh at
the humiliated,

who can we laugh at?

Who's the chick?

Her name
is Barbra Webster.

For the last five days,

she wouldn't let me
out of her sight.

She wants to be with me
every minute.

I can't stand it.

How come?

She doesn't look like
she laps water out of a bowl.

Oh, she's fine.

Oh, I get it.

The old porch light's out.

No, she's smart.

She's real smart.

Then what's her problem?

Well, for one thing,
she's blackmailing me.

Really?

Wow. Beauty, brains,
and a great personality.

Of course
you approve of blackmail.

You're the guy
that told your mom

that if she didn't let you
go to the Devo concert,

she'd never see
her Chihuahua again.

I went to the concert,
didn't I?

Anyway,
how's she blackmailing you?

Well, my dad needs her
to work for his company,

and she won't sign
the contract

unless I promise to be
her boyfriend.

Oh, she's good.

Let me guess.

Every day, she says
she'll sign the contract,

and then, at the last minute,

she comes up with
some new excuse not to, right?

Yeah, how'd you know that?

That's a basic.

I sure wish I knew how
to handle her.

Well, you're just lucky
you got me on your side.

This must be
the lowest moment of my life...

'cause I'm about to say
the following words--

Derek, what should I do?

It's obvious.

You gotta
fight fire with fire.

Make her think that
you really like her,

and that you'll
be with her forever.

She'll fall for it,
sign on the dotted line,

and you can kiss her off.

That sounds awfully cruel.

[HUMS "BRIDAL MARCH"]

Well, maybe I could just
give it a try.

You think
I could pull it off?

Sure. Clean-cut,
honest-looking guy like you?

Maybe you're right.

Derek, you're a genius.

You're the best friend
a guy ever had.

Hey, do you mean it?

Just practicing.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

That's her.

Well, I'd better leave
you two lovebirds alone.

Oh, Rick,

does that cute little
French cook still work here?

Yeah.

I'll be in the kitchen.

Hello, blue eyes.

You miss me?

Does Roy Rogers
miss Trigger?

Did you know that Roy
had Trigger stuffed?

There's a thought.

Barbra,

you look incredibly...

gorgeous.

True.

And you look terrific
in that shirt.

Glad I gave it to you.

Me too.

You couldn't believe
the comments

I've gotten on it.

Anyway,

where would you
like to go today,

my love?

What'd you call me?

I called you...

my love.

Wait a minute.
What's happening here?

We're happening, woman.

These last few days...

they've showed me
how much I care for you.

Yes, I care.

Come on.

We both know the only reason
we've been seeing each other

is 'cause you want me
to sign that contract.

I admit
it started out that way.

But last night,

when we were watching
The Flintstones...

remember when Barney
hit Fred over the head

with a brontosaurus bone?

You laughed as Fred bled.

At that moment,
my heart was no longer my own.

Don't mess with me, Ricky.

I've got the Yamahoy contract
right here,

and if you're not careful,
I'm gonna sign it.

You think that's what
this is all about?

Here's a pen. Sign it.

You sound like
you really mean that.

I do.

I'm head-over-heels
crazy in love with you...

kid.

You're Thanksgiving, Christmas,
the Fourth of July

all rolled up in one.

You're a walk in the park.

You're a summer breeze.

You're the ninth key
on Pac-Man.

Um, what are you doing?

I'm going to sign with
Eddie Toys.

Oh, now, uh,

you really don't... have to.

I know.

But you're the first boy
who ever really liked me.

I am?

Yeah.

You'll probably
find this hard to believe,

but, uh,

I get on
some people's nerves.

Nah.

No. Really, I do.

And the truth is,

well, I'm crazy
about you, too.

You're honest

and sincere.

And I wanna
sign this contract

'cause
it'll make you happy.

Um...

look, don't do that, okay?

What's wrong?

I'll be right back.

Dad, I...

Hey, Rick, look at this.

It's my company's latest toy.

It's called Tommy Therapist.

Watch this.
Uh, Tommy, I don't know.

Lately, I've been
kind of depressed.

I see.
Tell me about your mother.

Isn't that great?

Dad, I have to talk--

No, no, wait.
Here's another one.

Uh, Tommy. Tommy,

lately, I'm kind of confused
about my identity.

Sometimes
I think I'm a duck.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Why don't you
go with that feeling?

Dad, I've got a problem,

and you're sitting here
telling a doll

that you're a duck?

Well, I-I-- I'm sorry, son.

I'm all ears.
What's your problem?

Look, Dad, here's the thing.

There's a limit to what a son
can do for a father,

and I'm afraid you'll just
have to understand that.

Well, that's no problem.

I allowed Barbra
to manipulate me

just because
I wanted to help you out.

Now, I ask you,
can I allow that to continue?

Well...
Heck, no.

And then I made things worse
by pretending that I liked her.

She actually believed me.

Boy, do I feel dirty.

Well, son, I--

I've been doing all this
for you, Dad,

but darn it,
contract or no contract,

I owe it to Barbra and to myself
to tell her the truth.

[SIGHS]

It's all so clear now.

I know what to do.

Thanks for the advice, Dad.

That's what fathers
are for.

Hey, Rick.

Listen, son,
these past few days,

I've had a chance to see
how Barbra handles herself.

And I'm not denying
that she's talented,

but, you know, I wanna like
the people that I work with.

So if you have a problem
with Barbra,

you deal with it any way
that you think is right.

Okay?

Okay, Dad.

You know, Tommy,

sometimes I worry about
being a good father.

Our time is up.

As you leave,
please pay the receptionist.

I've got a surprise for you,
Ricky.

I signed the contract.

Now I officially belong to
Eddie Toys and you.

This is
the happiest day of my life.

Well, I'm afraid
the day's not quite over yet.

What do you mean?

Uh, sit down. There's something
I got to tell you.

What is it?

Remember that stuff
I said before?

You know,
how I was crazy about you,

Thanksgiving,
walk in the park?

I made some of that stuff up.

Which stuff?

How I was crazy about you,

Thanksgiving,
a walk in the park.

So you were lying?

Yeah, I was lying.

Why are you smiling?

'Cause I knew
you were lying.

Aw, come on.
I had you fooled.

After all, you were kissed
by The Ricker.

Ricky, you were the one
who was fooled.

I had you believing
that I really liked you, too.

If you didn't believe me,

then why'd you sign
the contract?

Here. Take a look.

You signed with
Yamahoy Toys?

[IMITATES g*nsh*t]

Gotcha.

Barbra, y-you're smart,
you're talented.

Why do you have to be
so scheming,

so-so conniving, so dishonest?

Hey, it rounds me out.

Now let's talk business.

I could be persuaded

to rip up this deal
with Yamahoy

if your father
upped his offer.

A summer home
would be nice.

Barbra, I wanna thank you.

You've taught me a lot
in these last few days.

First--I'm a lousy liar.

And second--

you can't change a person
who doesn't wanna change.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What about the contract?

Well, I've talked to my dad,

and he said I could negotiate
on his behalf.

So I'm prepared to make
one final offer.

Well, let's hear it.

Sayonara.

Hey, Rick,
I was curious. Did you...

Whoo. Hello.

Hello.

I'm Derek.

I'm Barbra,

and this is
your lucky day.

Do you like pizza?

Yeah. Let's go.

Okay.

Listen, guys,

if you get together,
there's gonna be trouble.

Derek, she's bad news.

And, Barbra, he's terrible.

Don't you guys realize
that you'd be...

the perfect couple.

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna-- ♪