02x18 - Find Loretta Lynn

[bunniefuu]

'Yee-haw!'

Almost everybody goes to
work the same way every day.

But in Hazzard County just
gettin' to work is an adventure.

Bo Duke, will you quit horsin'
around? I'm late for work.

What's the rush, Daisy?
We're still early, ain't we?

Luke, did you forget?

Today's the day Loretta
Lynn's comin' by the Boar's Nest.

Boss wants us in early.

He's got this big ol' shindig
planned for Loretta's arrival.

Flags, banners...

Peanuts, popcorn,
get your program.

You can't really believe
Loretta Lynn's gonna show up

at the Boar's Nest, can you?

It's just another
one of Boss' scams.

The paper said that she'd
be on her way to the state fair.

You know that road's
miles from the Boar's Nest.

Well, I don't know, with
all the stuff he's ordered

I'd say there's
somethin' up his sleeve.

Yeah, an arm.

With an outstretched
palm at the end of it.

Remember what I said
about driving to work

being an adventure?

I bet you'll listen next time.

Daisy, mud's good
for the skin, ain't it?

Sure it is, Bo. What
fashion-conscious pigs wear.

Bubba, you almost k*lled
us. Now, just slow down.

Cindy's right. Last thing we
need is a run-in with the law.

Just now before we pull the job.

'Loretta! Loretta! Loretta!'

Loretta! Loretta! Loretta!

Yay!

Yay!

Step right up, folks!

This is a historic day
in Hazzard County.

And ya'll don't wanna
miss one second of it.

Ms. Loretta Lynn's
own private bus

is gonna pass this very spot.

And I see there are
just a few front row seats

in the grand stand
left over here.

What will it be, folks?

Front row seats in the
stands for three bucks?

Or little bitty ol' side a creek
to stand on for cents?

Oh! Front row seats,
they're right over there.

Go ahead. He he.

Now, about the last thing
Loretta Lynn has planned

is a stop in Hazzard County.

But then she ain't never
heard of Boss Hogg

who can mess up anybody's plans.

Unit one, are you in position?

'Unit one, you listenin'?
Are you in position?'

Uh, that's a big
- , little buddy.

Rosco P. Coltrane here, come on.

Unit two's in position
too, Mr. Hogg.

Possum on a gum bush!

Ms. Loretta's bus just
passed checkpoint Charlie.

Oh, good, good. And
she's on time, too.

Unit one, put stage two
of the plan into action.

That's a roger.

I'm gone.

'Oh, terrific. A detour.'

Just when we were
starting to throw oil.

Take the detour, maybe you'll
find a truck stop or somethin'.

'A detour?'

- It's a omen.
- What?

A omen. It means we shouldn't
do the job, we're gonna get caught.

That detour leads
to Hazzard, Squirt.

I know.

But our plans are set to
do the job on this road.

Yeah, but maybe
this is a lucky break.

Hazzard's even better.
They only got two cops.

Not many people
around. Drive on, Bubba.

Loretta! Loretta! Loretta!

Loretta! Loretta! Loretta!

Loretta! Loretta! Loretta!

Yay!

Just a lil' more, folks,
it won't be long now.

Ms. Loretta Lynn's bus is
gonna pass here so close

you're gonna be able to count

everyone of her
beautiful eyelashes.

Oh, and meanwhile, splash
your neck down with a cold beer.

And special Loretta
Lynn Day draught beer.

Now, how about
treatin' the missus

to an official Loretta Lynn wig?

Imported at great expense
direct from Hong Kong.

Now, let me show you.

Ain't this a thing of beauty?

Hush, hush.

Why, I declare it, Boss.

I never realized you were such
a looker. Ain't he cute, Luke?

You know, I still ain't got a
date for that church picnic.

That ain't funny, Dukes!

And now, you move
that car from over there.

Or I'll have Sheriff Rosco to arrest
you for litterin' on Loretta Lynn Day.

Boss, you know dang well that
Loretta Lynn ain't comin by here.

Would you please
quit puttin' the folks on?

Oh, my goodness!

I knew she was gonna drive by

but I had no idea
she was gonna stop.

How they did it. It's her.

Howdy. Hey, you
folks got a garage here?

Yeah, I got a garage,
but it's uptown.

I think we're throwin' oil.

Well, I got my tools in my
truck. I'd fix it for you right here.

- Ya'll give me a hand.
- Sure thing.

Driver, I wonder if you'd be
so kind to just ask Ms. Loretta

if she'd join us for a cooling
refreshment while she's waiting.

I'll ask her.

Enos, go get a camera. Quick.

I want my picture
took with Ms. Loretta.

Oh, Ms. Lynn!

All I can say is..

My Boar's Nest is
your Boar's Nest.

Why, thank you Mr., uh, Mr..

Hogg, ma'am.

Mr. Hogg.

J.D. Hogg, ma'am.

Mr. J.D. Hogg.

Jefferson Davis Hogg, ma'am.

At your service.

Sorta looks like y'all
knew I was comin.

With the detour
and all, you know.

Yeah, yeah, that's
right, that's right.

'Uh, see, when we saw
that little detour sign go up'

we knew you just might
have to pass this way.

As the folks down here
are real big fans of yours

and they wanted to give
a right proper welcome.

That's right, Ms Lynn. You see, we
don't get many celebrities around here.

'Especially not
celebrities like you.'

Welcome to Hazzard
County, ma'am.

Thank you very much.

I wanna thank you boys,
and you're really polite

and besides that,
you're cute, too.

This is my road
manager, Leona Haye.

Oh, I'm very pleased
to meet you, Ms. Leona.

Yes, I'm glad to meet
you too, Mr. Hogg.

And now if you ladies
will accompany me

we can get shelter from
the sun in the Boar's Nest.

Our famous tavern over yonder.

Name's Sheriff
Rosco P. Coltrane.

- I'm a whip in this county.
- Oh.

Just tear and a spring loose.

I think about, uh,
nine-sixteenths ought to do it.

I'll have this thing
outta here in no time.

Here. You got it.

Hey, neighbor, where'd you
get your license? Mail order?

You ran us off the
road this mornin'.

Hey, run along. Will you, honey?

I don't wanna run along.

I'd rather stay here and
listen to you say you're sorry.

Look, you wanna
make somethin' out of it?

No, she don't, mister.

At least not till you stand up.

C'mon, Daisy, get your
picture took with Ms. Loretta.

Uh, you better move
your car, stranger.

That's the loadin'
zone. Come on, Daisy.

Now, you listen to me, farm boy.

You lookin' for trouble,
like your lady friend here?

How about you and me
step inside this building?

Hey, mister, I'm just lookin' after
my kin. I ain't lookin' for trouble.

But if you got some
you're handin' out..

Bubba. Bubba, how about taking care of
our good friend behind this building here.

Aw, Squirt, I don't wanna.

Bubba.

Now, you really should
not do this, friend.

You know, you might
get yourself hurt.

Don't worry about me, King Kong.

You just pick the
spot you wanna land.

I really wish you
hadn't done that, friend.

Lucas!

Luke, were are you? We ain't
got time to play hide and seek.

Luke, where are..

What?

Hey Luke, come on.

What happened to you?

I ran into them three that
sideswiped us this morning.

Last thing I remember was
takin' a swing at this big one.

He's about the
size of a Mack truck.

What you hit him with? Your eye?

I hope I hurt his
hand with my face.

- Yeah, let's go find the dude.
- I'm drivin'.

Ms. Loretta, Cooter and me
got your bus all fixed up for ya.

Hey, that's terrific, fellas.

Yes, ma'am, and
it is good as new.

I really do appreciate that.

As soon as I get that bus driver man
outta the washroom, we've to be going.

Ms. Loretta, there ain't
no charge on the bus

'but I was wonderin' if I might
have one of your pictures, eh?'

'Oh, certainly, this one here..'

'Thank you, ma'am.'

I wanna thank y'all...
Well, thank you.

'Ms. Loretta, I
have a farewell..'

'Ever since the Hogg family
settled in Hazzard County... '

Thanks very much, Mr. Hogg,
but we've really got to be goin'.

- Some other time, okay?
- 'Yeah, miss... '

- I love everyone of you.
- Yeah.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye.

That's the blue car that was
parked in that loadin' zone.

Yes, sir, I told
him about it, too.

Well, did you take
his license number?

No, sir.

Enos! How you gonna ticket a car

if you don't take the license
number? Well, take the license number.

Now, Rosco and Enos were
entangled in a little Hazzard bureaucracy.

Ms. Loretta was having some
serious entanglement of her own.

Do what you're told.
Nobody will get their self hurt.

And now I'm gonna share with you

a little memento
of the occasion.

The glass Ms.
Loretta drunk out off..

Right here in The Boar's Nest.

Yee-haw!

Alright then, what
amount bid for this piece

of Hazzard County history?

Do I hear bucks?

Ten bucks for the glass.

Get help. They-they
took Loretta Lynn!

They can't have much
of head start. Come on!

They've been doing
their homework.

Except we're just gonna have
to use Daisy's car. Let's get it.

Look here!

I want them Loretta-nappers in
jail by sundown. Do you hear?

So what are you two
standing here for? Get moving.

Come on, let's go.

Come on get moving, I say.

The Duke boys are
behind this whole thing.

Did you see the way
they leave out from here?

Rosco, get moving!

Go on, get in your cars
and go get them Duke boys.

Dang it!

Thunderin' tarnations.
I say it, get moving!

Rosco P. Coltrane,
your job is in jeopardy.

Well, this time those Duke
boys have gone too far.

What a time for them
to pull a fool trick.

It's Halloween.

Enos, you, you dipstick.
Halloween's in November.

Or is it October?

'You idiots!'

The Duke boys are in
on this whole kidnappin'

and you get movin'.

I want them boys in jail
before the sun hits the Hogs.

Well, orders is orders.

Now, while ol' Rosco and Enos

were solving their
basic problem in physics

Bo and Luke were
hot on the chase.

They gotta be on this road.

Bo, you better keep
both eyes peeled

'cause I can only got
partial use of this one.

If I put any dings in Daisy's
car, I might not be so lucky.

There they are.

'If they get to that
junction before we do'

'we ain't gonna know
which road they took.'

We just have to
cut 'em off. Hold on.

'Yee-haw!'

Danged if them boys can't pick
some pretty country to chase on.

Bo, that haystack, go around it.

'No time for that.'

You know somethin', Luke,
when Daisy sees this car

she ain't only gonna
blacken my eye

but I think she's gonna
pull out all of my teeth.

And gums.

'You don't have to be
nervous, Ms. Loretta.'

We just gotta do
what we gotta do.

- What is it that you gotta do?
- Get some money.

Well, how much do you
need? I can give it to you.

Oh, no, Ms. Loretta, we couldn't
take your money. That wouldn't be right.

'No, no, this is between
us and someone else.'

As soon as he coughs
up, we're gonna let you go.

Well, you know, I've
got a show to make.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Look, while we work
this out, why don't you go

in that little bedroom
there and rest yourself up.

Well, that's a good idea.

I'll tell Bubba to drive nice
and slow over the bumps

so as to not to
disturb you, huh?

It's the least we can do bein'
that we're such fans of yours.

Bye!

I'll tell you what, you start
tanglin' with a country girl

then you better have
all your smarts workin'.

And I want every ping
and ding taken outta my car

till it's smooth as a
frog's tummy, Bo Duke.

Uncle Jesse, Uncle Jesse,
you gotta talk to these fellas.

- They go and wreck my car...
- Now, Daisy, just settle down.

The boys got some dents
in their own reputation

they gotta get
taken care of first.

You know, Boss Hogg
is tellin' everybody

you fellas did the kidnappin'?

You never should've
come back here.

Uncle Jesse, we had to
get some decent wheels.

Bo!

Sorry. Nobody's gonna
think we took Loretta Lynn.

Bo, the way things
are goin' right now

if we don't find her before
Rosco and Enos finds us

you're gonna be sayin'
that from behind bars.

Here. Put this on your eye.

Uncle Jesse, what
is in that thing?

That there is grandma
Duke's famous recipe.

'Boiled hickory leaves,
smashed toad liver'

and a scoop of Bear Grease.

- Bear grease?
- Toad's liver?

- Oh, it's good for the eyes.
- It's bad for the stomach.

- Yuck!
- Just hold that thing.

Come on, Bo, let's get trackin'.

There ain't that many
buses in Hazzard County.

We oughta be able
to find some tire marks.

- Here.
- Just hold that.

Somehow my eye
feels a whole lot better.

Rosco..

Them Duke boys have
got poor Ms. Loretta

out there somewhere.

- And I want her.
- And you'll get her.

- No, I won't.
- No, you won't?

- You get her.
- I-I'll get her.

- You better.
- I will.

Sheriff, I got a make on that
license from motor vehicle.

Let me see that. I can read.

Belongs to a Will Jason.
Also known as Squirt.

Lives over in Leadville,
works in a feed store.

Plays guitar in the church band.

Stands five foot three?

Wait a minute, that
must be the little dude

I saw Luke talkin to
outside the Boar's Nest.

- Luke Duke, huh?
- 'Yes, sir.'

Well, good.

That's more evidence we
can use to tighten the noose

around the Dukes' necks.

Now, Mr. Hogg, I
don't think, Bo and Luke

would do somethin' like that.

'Enos, just hush.'

You're not paid to think,
you're paid to take orders.

Well, what are my orders?

Y-y-your... what's his orders?

What are his orders?
Well, what do you think?

- Same as yours.
- Them orders.

- Don't you know?
- Uh, get Loretta Lynn.

And catch them Duke boys.

Yeah, Enos, catch 'em Duke boys.

Luke, you see anythin'?

No, not so much
as a possum track.

Hell, we've been lookin'
on this dang road for hours.

Yeah. Doggone it!

Trouble is you can
be sure as sh**t in

they got her hid away by
now. Probably real good too.

'This ol' barn makes darn
good hideout, don't it?'

It won't be long now, Ms. Lynn.
Squirt's makin' the call now.

As soon as we get the
money, we can set you loose.

Is there anythin'
you want while you're

waitin', you know, some
soda pop or some coffee?

How about some grits?

That's right. We want you to
feel at home with us, Ms. Lynn.

Home? Y'all have been in the
smokehouse too long. Do you know that?

'You know, in cases like this'

they usually post a reward.

- And I mean a big one.
- Big.

- A big reward.
- Big, big reward.

So we got a chance now
for a perfect three corner sh*t.

Save Ms. Loretta, put
the Duke boys in jail

and make a bundle to boot.

I love it, I love it.

Yeah, now, remember.

Just keep quiet about
this whole business.

- Yeah.
- Do you hear?

We don't have to split
that reward with nobody.

Nobody.

N-nobody.

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane here.

We got Loretta Lynn.

You do as you're told,
and she won't get hurt.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

And you're not to
contact the police.

Uh, no, what do..

I am the police!

I mean the.. I mean
the big city police.

Now, look, you call up
Platter Records up in Nashville.

'You tell 'em to put $
and cents in a sack.'

'Small bills too.'

'Put that sack in a brown
mailbox at the junction'

'of route and
Swift Creek route.'

Uh, uh, uh, would
you repeat that?

$ and cents in a sack.

Hey, Bo, that car
back there, that's it.

Hold on, General,
here we go again.

Now, remember, don't
you call nobody, hear?

Bye.

'He's a crafty lil'
sucker, ain't he?'

'Come on, Bo, if you can't
run him off, at least cut him off.'

'Come on.'

You know, sometimes
gettin' through

a typical Hazzard day is
tougher than crossin' hell

or a rotten rail in a snowstorm.

Y'all stick around now.

- Come on.
- 'Whoo!'

I'm telling you, Bo,
that's some kind of drivin'.

- Yep.
- Come on.

- Well.
- Get up.

Phew. Whooh!

He would have
planned it that way.

Sure. Oh, geez.

Five-to-ten, I'll bet you that

there ain't no air
in that spare either.

- Yeah. Well, you're on.
- Come on, let's go.

I sure hope ol' Cooter gets here

before they hurt
somethin' important.

Now, there's a familiar sight.

$ and cents?

Why, I'll pay that.

Ms. Lynn comes first.

We gotta save my
country music dream

'and retrieve the honor
of Hazzard County.'

Besides, I'd get back triple
my money from that reward.

Uh, Boss, I don't think
that'll work exactly.

You see, they won't take any money
except from that Platter Record Company.

- What do you reckon we do?
- I'll tell what you gonna do.

'You and Rosco are gonna scour
Hazzard County for 'em Duke boys.'

You're gonna search and comb
every square inch of it till you find 'em.

Right, right. And when we do, then
we're gonna arrest 'em proper, right?

Wrong! You're gonna
follow 'em, stupid.

So they'll lead
you to Ms. Loretta.

Yeah, yeah, and-and-and
then we arrest 'em

and then we get the
reward and split it - .

- Wrong again. I get it.
- You get it.

Um, Boss, that doesn't
seem exactly fair.

You see, it's Enos and me
who does all the searchin'

and the combin'
and the scourin'.

It seems to me it
oughta be at least - .

Rosco... - would make you

a pea-brained sheriff
and me, your boss

equal.

Wouldn't it?

Mm-mm.

Uh..

Well, well, let's say - .

No. No.

Uh, - is a good..

N-ninety-ninety..

I found the make-up case.

Oh, just set it down at
the bar. Would you, honey?

Hilda put in some new
powder. She thought you'd try...

- Okay, later. Later, okay?
- Oh.

Hey Cindy, you know, you and these
big time kidnappers are pretty good.

- You really think so?
- Yes, I do.

Squirt, Bubba and me, we got our
own group, the Pine Valley Rockers.

We play church
socials and barbeques.

Last month we played in the
American Legion Picnic over in Tyler.

Course, we gonna play
the big time once we cut that

demonstration record sent
on down there to Nashville.

If y'all are any good,
why maybe I can help you

because I have a few
connections in Nashville, you know?

Oh, you're already
helpin' us, Ms. Loretta.

If we don't do somethin' soon,
I'm gonna miss the fair show.

I know, but what can we do?

Well, I'll try to create
a ruckus and if I do

you slip out and go for the law.

Hey, Cindy, you know,
that's soundin' really nice.

Oh, thank you ma'am.

Except, Bubba, I believe
you're comin' in just a little bit flat.

Oh, see, Bubba, I told you.

No, you always say I'm
flat even when I'm sharp.

Look, I'm the leader
of this here group.

And when I hear
flat, you're flat.

'I'm sick and tired of you
tellin' me what to do all the time.'

Well, what you
gonna do about it?

I'll show you what
I'm gonna do about it.

'Oh, Bubba, you shouldn't
oughta have done that. Mm-mm.'

Bubba, Bubba, Bubba.

Squirt!

- 'Stop it, both of you.'
- 'Well, he started it.'

Look, you messed up
Ms. Loretta's make-up.

Oh, I'm sorry, Ms. Loretta.
Hey, where is Ms. Leona?

Bubba, Bubba, you go out there
and you get her, bring her back.

Ah!

Better back off the pedal,
Bo, some fool's walking

in the middle of
the road up ahead.

- Take me to the police, quick!
- Now, slow down a second.

You're Loretta's
road manager, right?

Yes, and I need help.
They're holding her for ransom.

Let's go get her.

It would help if we
knew where she was.

Now, let's plan this right, so
nobody gets hurt. Okay? Come on.

I tell you, they couldn't have
just disappeared into thin air.

We flat covered half the county,
Mr. Hogg and still can't sight 'em.

Half the county?

- Yes, sir.
- Hmm. Hmm.

Boss, so what do we do?

What do we do?

- Don't you ever watch TV?
- We...

You're gonna hightail it
over to the Dukes' place

and set up a -hour lookout.

They gotta come home sometime.

Yeah, good, good. They got to.

Ahem.

You take the first hours.

Enos, you're sittin' on my foot.

- My foot's asleep.
- So is your brain.

Now, you match on both ends.

Oh, oh, there's
Loretta Lynn's manager.

That means she's in there.

Leona, now think hard.

Don't you have any hint or clue

as to where they're
hiding Loretta?

Well, I-I couldn't see anything.

The shades of the bus were down.

Well, did you hear anything?

Uh, say, say animals
or running water?

- Ham.
- Ham.

I smelled the most
delicious ham.

Smokehouse.

They gotta be somewheres
near that smokehouse.

That's a good a
place to start as any.

- Are you sure, sheriff?
- Enos, I know what I see.

Oh, great, Rosco and Enos are
watchin' the house from the old oak tree.

Enos, get up here!

You've got six toes, you ought
to be able to get up like a squirrel.

How are y'all gonna get
down to the smokehouse

without them followin' ya?

Well, you're gonna
help us, Ms. Loretta.

Ha. Loretta?

- Do we rush 'em?
- No.

We don't rush 'em until,
until we talk to Boss anyway.

Uh, this is Rosco P.
Coltrane callin' the Boss.

Got your ears on? Come on.

You mean, you're unit
one, don't you? Over.

Uh, Boss, Loretta Lynn's manager

is in the Duke house,
shall we rush it or not?

'Don't you rush in until you're
sure Ms. Loretta is there too.'

B-but, Boss, I-I-I
think we should. Over.

Don't but me..

Listen, them Dukes are clever.

We gotta be sure Ms.
Loretta is in there, too.

'Cause we can't get any
reward unless we get her.

I love it, I love it.

As long as Daisy
don't start singin'

she might just get away with it.

- Daisy, you look terrific!
- Well, thanks, Leona.

Oh, Loretta would get
a real hoot out of this.

I think it's gonna work. Now,
we all got the plan straight?

Sure, nothin' to it. I just
take Dai... Ms. Loretta.

Walk to the pickup
truck and drive away.

And then Enos and Rosco'll
follow y'all just like ants to a picnic.

So we can slip away
just like we planned.

You ready, Ms. Loretta?

Wait a minute,
fellas, I'm a star now.

You're gonna have to
speak to my manager.

I'll star you right
upside the head.

That's her! That's her!
Let's get down here.

'That's her. That's
Loretta Lynn.'

Enos, help me down here.

Hey, sheriff, you look
just like a poor little

ol' crippled sparrow
with a hurt wing. Aw.

I'm gonna hurt your wing, Enos.

Will you help me
down, you dipstick?

Yes, sir.

I told you this
wasn't gonna work.

Oh, Bubba... Bubba, would
you get hold of yourself?

That lady's gonna come back and
she's gonna bring the law with her.

Bubba, that's why we gotta
find ourselves another hideout.

It was a crazy idea, I never
should've listened to you.

Now, we're gonna go to jail.

Bubba, we're not
going to go to jail.

Now, would you get in
there on the bus, clean it up

wipe off the fingerprints.

I'll keep lookout on the
route till it's time to go, get.

Three times up and
down the smokehouse road

we can't even find a clue that
tells us we're on the right track.

We better find somethin'
in a hurry cousin

or we're gonna be makin'
tracks in Hazzard County jail.

Hey, wait a minute,
Bo, take a look at this.

That's one of
Loretta's pictures.

Yeah, it sure is.

I gotta feelin' it ain't
here by accident either.

Hey, easy now. Here's
one right up here.

She sure left a heck of a trail.

Better than breadcrumbs.
No doubt Loretta don't only

sing like gangbusters,
she's sly as a fox.

Oh, this road heads right down
to the Hazzard County Stockyard.

You know, where they
had them cattle auctions?

I'd bet you a half-pint
of Jesse's finest

that's where they got her hid.

Look, give Rosco
a call on the CB

and have him
there if we need him.

Breaker, breaker - for Sheriff
Rosco P. Coltrane. Come in.

'You got Bo and Luke
Duke on this end.'

'We're followin' a trail that
we think is gonna lead us'

'right to where Ms.
Loretta is, come back.'

Listen now, don't
tell me Loretta is at

the Hazzard County
Stockyard barn.

I got her in my sights right now

and she's right there in
Jesse's truck. Come on.

Rosco, that ain't Loretta Lynn, that's
Daisy made up to look like her, that's all.

You think I'm gonna fall for another
one of your dumb Duke trick, huh?

Well, it's just so happens,
I'm Loretta Lynn's biggest fan

and I know her when I see
her and I see her. I'm gone.

He's just hopeless, I give up.

Well, I guess, Bo and Luke
have had about enough time.

Oh, I just started to like being
Loretta Lynn, Uncle Jesse.

You wouldn't wanna
be in her boots right now.

Nah, I guess not.

Well, let's call this
chariot race off.

Ms. Loretta. Ms. Loretta Enos.

Daisy Duke! You mean
to tell me I saved you.

Does this mean you don't
want my autograph, Rosco?

I do, Daisy.

I'll-I'll give you an autograph
right between the eyes.

Alright, here we are.

- Come on, pull over up there.
- Yeah.

'Yeah, that's got
to be the place.'

Ain't nowhere else around here
that could hide a rig that size.

Reckon we oughta
go check it out?

- What was that?
- Let's get out of here.

- But what about Squirt?
- We'll pick him. Get the car.

Now, I don't believe I'd try to
stop that with my body. Would you?

Bubba, Bubba, wait.

Wait for me, Bubba.

Bubba, slow down.

'You can't cruise
around without me.'

You know, they don't
learn too quick, do they?

Bubba, can't you get this thing
goin' any faster? They're gainin' on us.

That's right,
Rosco. We got them.

We're hot on their tail.

We're heading south
down the Abernathy road.

'We just passed
the Spencer place.'

Listen, Luke, now, you
said they was over here

at the Hazzard County Stockyard

and that's where we're at. Over.

Now, forget it. I'm telling
you where they are now.

I'd be much obliged if you come
on here and give us a hand, okay?

- I'm gone.
- We're gone. Over.

Alright. Let's get going.

Why we goin'? It's just
another wild goose chase.

We're going, Enos, because
we ain't got nothing else to do

you turkey head.

Now, just follow me. You
know, monkey see, monkey do.

Looks to me like Bo and
Luke are caught like a rabbit

between the fox and the hounds.

Hey, look, why don't
y'all just give up?

Not until I get my
$ and cents.

Eleven hundred? Is that
all you think I'm worth?

I figured y'all will go
for more than that.

That-that's what that
phony record producer

from Platter Records
charged, just to make a demo.

And he never even made it.

Why you holding me? I don't
even know Platter Records.

- You're from Nashville?
- Yes.

- All the same to us.
- Oh, yeah?

Then you know you're crazier
than an old mare full of dynamite too.

'Bo, there's ol' Rosco
coming right up behind us.'

Rosco, I can never remember being
quite so happy to see you before.

Well, you won't be when
I get my hands on you.

Now, quit horsin' around and
give yourself up peaceful like. Over.

Rosco, you've set the
record for the slows.

Now, get this through
your thick skull.

We ain't the kidnappers. We're
tryin' to help you catch 'em.

I might be able to get a little more
juice out of this if you lighten the load.

Enos, what the heck
are you doin' here?

You're supposed to be followin'
those people that stole Loretta Lynn.

Well, you said to follow you, ain't
that right? Monkey see, monkey do.

I'll monkey see, monkey
do to you, you dipstick.

- Hold it good and steady, cuz.
- You got it.

That's taken care
of. Get that bus.

- Yeah, I'm gonna go cut it off.
- Uh-uh, it's too dangerous.

Ms. Loretta is still inside.

You just pull up, just
as close as you can.

You got it.

Ha ha ha. Look, man,
no hands. Yee-haw.

What's wrong, Squirt?
This thing is startin' to drag.

I thought we had it
fixed back in Hazzard.

'Fella shouldn't tailgate
like that, could get hurt.'

I can't seem to shake him,
it's like they were tied to us.

You, I'm gonna kick you.
That's what I'm gonna do.

Now, don't do nothin' stupid,
big boy, you won't get hurt.

- Permission for what.
- Hey, put me down.

No-no, stop, stop this.
Now, put me down.

'What do you think
you are doing?'

- Hey!
- There you go.

How am I gonna..

Look I.. I'm a
person, not a picture.

'Let me down, let me
down. Get me off here.'

Put me down, Let me off here.

'Get me down, come
on, get me down.'

'Stop laughing, Ms. Loretta.'

Come on, beached whale, I
got a score to settle with you.

Alright, alright. I deserve it.

I never should've
listened to that little Squirt.

Go ahead, bust me.

Right there.

Ain't you gonna bust me?

Let me off, let me down.
Let me down, will you?

'Stop laughing, Ms. Loretta, it's
not funny. Please let me down.'

Remember me sayin' a while
back that we like happy endings.

Well, ol' Bo and Luke got a big
smack of appreciation from Ms. Loretta.

And they ain't gonna be
forgettin' that none too soon.

And after a real tongue
lashin' by the state police

our little villains were
set free as the wind.

Ms. Loretta refused
to press charges.

And she's gonna see if
she can give 'em a hand

in makin' that record,
y'all be listenin' for it.

Rosco and Enos
got enough pictures

for all their cousins.

And Boss made a few bucks.

He sold clean out
of Loretta Lynn wigs.

Well, uh, all exceptin' one.

Hey, really, really.
Le-let's get serious though.

If it hadn't been for y'all..

You know there's
an ol' country sayin'

that the best gift is what a
person gives of themselves.

Well, watch what
this girl is a-fixin' to do.

Maybe I could do you a little
song. Would that, would that..

And maybe we could
help you sing that, too.

- Would you do it?
- Yeah, we'll try.

Let it rip, Cliff.

One more time.