02x04 - The Hospital

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are
Face to face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find
We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Makin' a go
Makin' it grow ♪

♪ Together
We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together
Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

-♪ You and I ♪
-♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

-♪ You and I ♪
-♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I together ♪

Dad, you ready yet?

I sure am, son. [GRUNTS]

I looked outside,
the wind's blowing like crazy.

Yeah, I know, I just saw
the mailman's toupee fly by.

[EDWARD LAUGHS]

I'm a little worried, Dad.

Do you think I've got
enough kite string?

-Yeah, I think so, son.
-[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Mornin'!

-BOTH: Morning!
-It's a fantabulous day.

You guys in a picnic mood?

-Yeah!
-Yeah!

Let's go!

Dad, Kate...

before we go I'd like to make
a little pre-picnic speech.

Before I found you guys...

I existed...

but I never really lived.

[CHUCKLES]
My life's going great.

You guys are looking at
one happy dude.

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

-[LAUGHS]
-[GRUNTS]

-Oh...
-Dad, are you okay?

[EDWARD SIGHS]

Yeah. Just a little touch
of indigestion.

-Are you sure?
-[EXHALES DEEPLY]

Yeah. It's nothing.

What'd you bring
for the picnic?

Fresh croissants, pate, brie,
Camembert, and artichoke hearts.

Kate, where's the food?

-[EDWARD AND KATE CHUCKLE]
-[EDWARD GRUNTS]

Edward.

-Dad.
-[GRUNTING CONTINUES]

Oh, let's get you over
to the couch.

Sounds like more than
just indigestion to me.

-[EDWARD EXHALES]
-I'm gonna call your doctor.

You can't call my doctor, Kate,
he's in the South Pacific.

-Island hopping?
-No, island shopping.

I don't need a doctor, anyway.

It's okay. I'm fine.

-[GRUNTS]
-Dad!

Wow!

That was...

Wow.

[CHUCKLES] Well...

wherever that pain
came from, it...

went back there.

-I'm okay.
-Oh, good.

Let's go. [GRUNTS]

-Dad!
-I'm fine.

No problem here.

Just taking a short nap
on this kite.

I think we should call
for an ambulance.

No, I'm fine, there's no need
for an ambulance.

Okay, call an ambulance.

WOMAN OVER P.A.:
Dr. Philips, Dr. David Philips

please come
to the Emergency Room.

[EXHALES]

Ricky.

Leslie.

Oh, my dear, sweet,
anguished Ricky.

Leslie, what are you doing here?

I called your house

and your butler told me
what happened.

I rushed over here

so you could have a shoulder
to cry on in your hour of need.

Thanks, Leslie,
but I don't need to cry.

You're so macho.

No wonder I'm head over heels,
nutsy in love with you.

Yeah, well, uh...

lucky me.

What's the matter with your dad?

Well, I don't know yet.

You see, uh...

he thought he had
a touch of indigestion.

So, they're giving him
some tests.

[LESLIE GASPS]

What's the matter?

My uncle, Bill...

He thought he had
a touch of indigestion.

And they gave him some tests.

-Well, how is he?
-Dead.

-Well, what happened?
-He d*ed.

No, no, I mean...

Oh, well, the doctor said
he needed an operation.

And something went wrong.

My older brother explained to me
what happened.

It was body air.

Body what?

Body air. Think about it.

The human body
is a lot like a balloon.

That's why when you're born,

they tie a knot
in your belly button.

So, you won't fly around
the room going...

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

Am I being too technical?

No.

When a doctor cuts you open

all the air that's inside of you
can leak out.

If they forget to replace it,

like they did
with my uncle Bill...

well, you journey
to that undiscovered country

from which no traveler
ever returns.

-You mean...
-Yup.

You might as well dress him
and drop him.

[CHUCKLES]
Thanks, Leslie. I...

I feel so much better now.

Oh, I'm so glad.

You know,

I could console you a whole lot
more if we got married.

Married?

I have my own crockpot.

That sounds tempting.

Listen could we talk about it
some other time

I'm a little worried
about my dad right now.

Sure. We've got time.

My crockpot is a slow cooker.

Dad!

Dad!

Kate, how's my dad?

Oh, he's fine.
He had some X-rays taken,

and the doctors have
examined him

and they gave him
some medication for the pain.

Oh! Oh!

-H-- Hi, Dad.
-[EDWARD GASPS]

Ricky-Rooney!

[LAUGHS]

Buddy, are you
in the hospital, too?

No, Dad. I'm just visiting.

[GASPS] Really?

Who?

You, Dad.

Oh.

What a son.

Dad.

Dad, what are you doing?

I'm trying to see
the inside of my head.

Kate, what's wrong with him?

I think it's a reaction
to the medicine they gave him.

Whoa! [LAUGHS]

[CONTINUES LAUGHING]

Oh!

Ricky.

Yeah, Dad?

This hurts.

Here, let me.

Does that feel better?

Feel?

What does it mean to feel?

I mean, do dogs
really feel happy,

or are they just pretending?

Kate...

they've turned his brain
into a three-bean salad!

Uh... [SIGHS]

Hello.

EDWARD: Hi.

-Hi. Are you the doctor?
-I'm Dr. Miller.

Well, I'm Ricky Stratton,
and this is Kate Summers,

and what have you done
to my father?

Son, your father has gallstones.

What are they?

Gallstones are small, hard,
pathological concretions

composed chiefly
of cholesterol crystals.

That's right!

Tell him what he's won,
Don Pardo.

Mr. Stratton,
you have to try to relax.

-EDWARD: Okay. [LAUGHS]
-Doctor?

-Yes?
-Can my dad come home with us

-tonight?
-I'm afraid not, son.

-Well, why not?
-There's nothing serious.

Your father just needs
a little operation.

Hi. How you feeling?

Have the dr*gs worn off, yet?

[SIGHS] I don't know.

Do you still see Vikings
sitting on the windowsill?

-No.
-Ah! The dr*gs have worn off.

-Hi.
-EDWARD: Hey, there!

-How you feeling?
-Oh, fine.

Does he still think
I'm Howdy Doody?

-No.
-Good.

-These are for you, Dad.
-Oh, thank you, son.

Sorry, I could only
get you hearts.

They were all
out of gallbladders.

I'm gonna get
myself a cup of coffee.

Edward, can I get you anything?

Yeah, if you see my nurse

could you ask her
for an extra pillow?

You know, the one I asked her
for a couple hours ago.

Aw, hey, go easy
on Nurse Gutmueller.

She's gentle, she's dedicated,
and she looks great.

Kate, she looks like
Ernest Borgnine.

I know, I know.

So, uh...

-you look a lot better.
-Oh, I am.

Son, would you pull down
this top blanket?

It's so darn hot in here.

Sure.

[EDWARD EXHALES]

You know, Dad, when I heard
you needed an operation...

-Mm-hmm.
-...I decided to get

a second opinion.

And I found out
the gallbladder surgery

isn't always necessary.

Oh, really. Who told you that?

The lady who works
in the gift shop.

Well...

I think that I'll just...
[SIGHS]

...put my faith in Dr. Miller,
okay?

Yeah, that's another thing.

How much do you really know
about this Miller guy?

I mean, what type of grades
did he get in medical school?

Did he pass gallbladder
the first time?

Or did he have to make it up
in summer school?

-Listen, son--
-And, Dad,

if you go
through this operation,

you'll run the risk of people
calling you scar-belly.

Climb up here.

Nothing is going to happen
to me.

You see, I've got incentive.

I've got a son that I've only
known for a little over a year.

And it is my intention to spend
a lifetime with that guy.

Great. [CHUCKLES]

I mean, there's so many things
I want to do with you, Dad.

Like, when I come home
from college to visit you...

I want us to go out together
and have a beer.

We'll stroll to the Keg 'n Peg,

sh**t some pool,

and then chug down
a couple of brewskies.

You know,
what I want to be around for?

The day you have your son.

I want to be there to hear
his first word.

"Gampa."

I know, Kate wants you
around for a while, too.

Yeah, well, things are getting
pretty serious between us.

-[EDWARD SIGHS]
-Oh?

You think you guys
will get married?

Oh...

Well... [EXHALES]

Hey. [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Where are we going
on the honeymoon, Dad?

Oh... Well...
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Hey.

Don't worry, Dad.

-I know when to butt out.
-[EDWARD CHUCKLES]

But, Dad, with all this
into look forward to,

why risk your life
with an operation?

Oh, son,
it's not that big a risk.

Here's what will happen.
I'll take a little nap,

and while I'm sawing logs
the doctor will just snip, snip.

And then he'll...

[SPITS]

All done. It's all over.

See, it's a walk
in the park! [GRUNTS]

Dad, are you okay?

Yeah, son, it's nothing to worry
about. It's just a--

a tiny little... [GRUNTS]
...discomfort! Oh!

Are you sure, Dad?
You don't look so good.

[GRUNTS] No, son,
it's just these lights.

You're sweating like crazy.
You're burning up!

Well, it's just these lights.
It's-- Oh!

-Hey! Somebody help my dad!
-[EDWARD GRUNTS]

Son, call the nurse!
Push the button!

[EDWARD GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]
Uh, wrong button, son!

Oh!

-What happened?
-I don't know,

I was talking to him.

Somebody help my dad!

-He's diaphoretic.
-What does that mean?

-I don't know.
-I'm here, Dad! I'm here.

-DR. MILLER: Excuse me, son.
-[EDWARD GRUNTS]

Temperature 103,

blood pressure down.

I'm gonna test
for Murphy's sign. Breathe up.

-Breathe in.
-[EDWARD GRUNTS]

-Hey.
-It's-- it's extreme tenderness,

right upper quadrant.

Okay, he has
ascending cholangitis.

Call the O.R, get a crew
in there right away.

I want two sets
of blood cultures stat.

And a higher gram
of cephalosporin.

[EDWARD BREATHES HEAVILY]

[EDWARD GRUNTS]

-[EDWARD GRUNTS]
-DR. MILLER: Mind the tube,

-mind the tube
-What's going on here?

Where are you
taking my dad?

Son, you dad has an infection.
We have to operate right away.

Well, is he gonna be okay?

We'll do the best we can.
I promise.

-Kate, I'm going with my dad.
-Ricky, we can't!

We're not allowed
in the operating room.

-But--
-[STAMMERING]

It's best if we just stay here.

He's in good hands.
Dr. Miller is a top surgeon

and he has
a wonderful reputation.

I'm scared, Kate.

I'm afraid my dad's gonna die.

Oh, no, Ricky.

-He's going to be just fine.
-Don't say that to me!

A few hours ago, he just
had a touch of indigestion.

He said he'd be fine.

Then I know
he's in the hospital

"But only for a few tests.
He'll be fine."

Then they tell me he needs
a little operation.

[SCOFFS] "But he'll be fine."

Then all of a sudden he's got
pretending colons.

"But don't worry,
'cause he'll be fine."

Well, I'm tired of him
being fine, Kate.

What I want is for him
to be okay.

Ricky--

Please just level with me,
all right?

Be straight with me.

All right.

Uh, the truth is I don't know
how serious it is.

And I'm scared, too.

[RICKY SIGHS]

Kate, if I tell you a secret...

will you promise never ever
to reveal it

to any other living soul?

Yes.

Okay, raise your right hand
and repeat after me.

I, state your name...

I, Katherine Summers...

...solemnly promise
never to reveal

Ricky Stratton's sacred secret.

...solemnly promise
never to reveal

Ricky Stratton's sacred secret.

-And if I do...
-And if I do...

...I will kiss a pig.

...I will kiss a pig?

Thank you.

What's the secret?

It's my fault my dad got sick.

What are you talking about?

Do you remember this morning?

I told you guys
how happy I was,

how great my life was going.

Well, right after I said that,
my dad got sick.

Oh, hon, there's no connection
between those two things.

Yes, there is!

See, the point is
I was too happy.

-Something bad had to happen.
-Oh, hold it.

A-- a lot of people think
that way,

but that's just superstition.

I mean, that's like saying

if you wash your car,
it's gonna rain.

Well, doesn't it?

Sometimes.

Okay, a lot.

[SIGHS] Well, I'm sure
there are some people

who wash their cars
and it doesn't rain.

Name one.

Ricky...

washing your car has
nothing to do with the rain.

And your father getting sick
has nothing to do

with-- with your being happy.

If you let yourself
be ruled by superstition,

you're going to end up
going through life miserable,

driving a dirty car.

So, you're sure
it's not my fault?

[SIGHS]

I'm positive.

Ricky...

you have every right to be happy
without being afraid.

Right now,
the thing for us to do...

is to hope with all our might
that your dad gets better.

'Cause he will get better...

right?

Right.

Can't hurt.

Mm.

Harunnina.

Did you hear that, Kate?
He said, "Harunnina"!

Hi, Kate.

Did you hear that?
He said, "Hi, Kate"!

-Hiya, Rick.
-He said, "Hiya, Rick"!

How you feeling?

Like I got body-slammed
by Orson Welles.

I talked to the doctor, Dad.

He said you'll just be
in the hospital

for only a few days.

Then you'll be up and around
in no time.

When can I go jogging?

Uh, not for quite a while.

Good.

-Oh.
-You okay?

Yeah, I just can't laugh
or sneeze for a while.

Dad, I was scared.

I was afraid I was going
to lose you.

Yeah. Me, too.

Well...

I have to admit I was
a little nervous there myself.

But I knew I had the support
of the two people I love most.

Dad, would it hurt you
too much if...

we were to give you a hug?

Hey...

let's go for it.

♪ Together
We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together
Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons... ♪