[♪♪♪]
♪ Here we are
Face to face ♪
♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪
♪ Hoping to find
We're two of a kind ♪
♪ Makin' a go
Makin' it grow ♪
♪ Together
We're gonna find our way ♪
♪ Together
Taking the time each day ♪
♪ To learn all about ♪
♪ Those things
You just can't buy ♪
♪ Two silver spoons together ♪
-♪ You and I ♪
-♪ Together ♪
♪ We're gonna find our way ♪
-♪ You and I ♪
-♪ Together ♪
♪ We're gonna find our way ♪
♪ You and I together ♪
Good news, Kate!
The IRS has called off
Edward's audit?
No, I found some more receipts
for you to add up.
Whoopee. [CHUCKLES]
Hi, guys!
-Hi!
-Hey, Richard!
EDWARD: Hey, guys,
you mind giving me a hand
with a little of this equipment.
Sure, Dad. Sorry.
-Thanks a lot, guys.
-Uh, it's no problem, Dad.
How was practice?
Great. We got our team jackets
today.
Edward, are you sponsoring
Richard's baseball team?
-Yeah.
-Another deduction. Woo!
Hey, Mr. Stratton,
I really wanna thank you
for taking the time
to show me
how to do hook slide.
-Oh, my pleasure, J.T.
-By the way, how's your butt?
Fine, fine.
Only next time I'm gonna take
the keys out of my back pocket.
So, how you guys
coming along with my tax audit?
Well, Dexter and I
will have to work late tonight.
-But we will be ready.
-[EDWARD CHUCKLES]
-Oh, that reminds me.
-What?
I have some tickets I can't use.
Calvin Klein gave them
to Henry Kissinger,
who gave them Woody Allen,
who gave them
to Fred McGillicutty,
who gave them to me.
Wow! You know Fred McGillicutty?
[LIP SMACKS] Psst!
What are the tickets for?
They're for Harlem Globetrotters
game tonight.
-The Globetrotters?
-Yeah, I wish I could go.
I love "Sweet Georgia Brown".
♪ Ta-ta-ta-ta ♪
♪ Sunga-bum ba ♪
♪ Sweet Georgia Brown ♪
♪ Bum-pa dum-pa-dum ♪
♪ Bum-pa-da-dum ♪
♪ Da-bum-bum-ba
Da ♪
You fellas interested in going?
Uh, you bet!
What do you say, Dad, can we go?
Oh, Rick, I'm sorry.
I have a business meeting
tonight, buddy.
Oh, that's right.
You're having dinner
with Sam Woo.
-Who?
-No, Woo.
Who's Woo?
Sam Woo is the most important
toy distributor in Taiwan.
It's imperative
your father woo Woo.
That's twue, uh...
True. I'm sorry.
Dad, I really wanna go
to that game.
Jeepers.
[SIGHS]
-Kate?
-Hmm?
Why don't you call Stu Kendall
and see if, uh, he can cover
that meeting for me, huh?
-Sure.
-Ah, thanks, Dad.
Ah, that's all right.
Well, let's Stu woo Woo.
Toodle-oo.
Me, too. [CHUCKLES]
Dad, since we've got two
extra tickets,
can we bring J.T. and his dad?
Sure. That'd give me a chance
to meet your father, J.T.
I doubt if he'll go,
Mr. Stratton.
My dad doesn't do
very many things with me.
He's not like you.
Why doesn't he do things
with you?
He works all the time.
I think, he cares more about
his job than he does about me.
Well, I know
what you mean, J.T.
You know,
I used to think my father
care more about his work
than he did about me.
I really wanted to talk to him
about that, but...
I just couldn't get
an appointment.
I tell you what, the three of us
will go, huh?
-Tonight, I'll have two sons.
-Uh, thanks, Mr. Stratton,
you're probably
the world's greatest father.
-Ah!
-What do you mean, "Probably"?
My dad is the greatest father
in the whole wide world.
-Ah!
-The whole universe!
Nah! Come on, Rick.
We only know
about this one planet for sure.
Well, I better skedaddle.
It's about time to tie him
on the old feedbag.
-See you later.
-All right,
see you at 7:00, J.T.
[DOOR CLOSING]
-[SIGHS]
-Poor J.T.
I mean, in all these years,
I've known him
I've never seen him
once with his dad.
[SIGHS]
I don't understand
why a father would have a son
and not spend time with him?
I don't know, Rick. I once asked
my father that question.
What did he say?
He never answered me.
I'm not even sure
he ever read my memo.
Hi, hun!
[CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY]
Oh, don't you "hi, hun" me.
What's the matter?
I'd like to talk to you
about this dinner
on September 8th, 1982.
-What?
-[CHUCKLES]
This receipt
may slip by the IRS,
but it is not slipping by me.
Oh, uh, this--
[STUTTERS] This is just, uh,
perfectly legitimate,
important business dinner
with, uh, uh,
respected authority and, uh,
potential adviser
in the field of merchandising.
Christie Brinkley?
Yeah, well, yeah, well,
see, Eddie Toys
wanted to use her picture
on one of our packages.
This...
[CHUCKLES] ...is strictly
-a business dinner, Kate.
-[LAUGHS]
Well, don't expect my government
to pay for it.
Oh, Kate, come on.
[CHUCKLES] Look,
if it was strictly business,
why didn't you tell me
you were having dinner with her?
Because I was afraid
you might get jealous
and give me
a hard time about it.
Oh, well...
I hope you realize, now,
just how wrong you were.
Oh, yeah! Absolutely.
Good.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
-EDWARD: Yes?
-Are you Edward Stratton?
Yes, I am. Can I help you?
Well, I'm L.B. Martin,
J.T.'s father.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, I'm pleased to meet you.
Stratton,
I got a bone to pick with you.
-[DOOR CLOSING]
-What seems to be the problem?
The-- the problem,
well-- well the problem
is you're always taking
my son to the movies,
or-- or video arcades
or-- or miniature golf, uh,
you're coaching
his baseball team,
and tonight, to top it of,
you wanna take him
to see the Harlem Globetrotters!
You're right. I should be sh*t.
Very funny, Stratton.
If I wanted jokes,
I go turn on Hee Haw.
Now listen, your son would much
rather you do these things
with him, but it seems to me
you're so wrapped up
in your job, you can't give him
much attention.
Oh, yeah, I'm wrapped up
in my job.
Since we moved here from Texas,
I've been holding down two jobs
to keep bread on the table.
But it-- it's easy for you
to do things with your kid
because you're rich.
Well, I'm not.
-Mr. Martin, look--
-No, you look!
I get home from my day job
at five o'clock.
That gives me 20 minutes
to wolf down my dinner.
Then I get five minutes
to spend
with each of my three kids,
before I go to my night job.
You know how J.T. and I
spent our five minutes tonight?
With him telling me,
what a great father you are.
And me feeling like
an out and out disgrace.
[BOTH SIGH]
I guess that's gotta be
pretty rough.
Yeah.
I finally got mad.
Told him he couldn't go
with you tonight.
Won't you think
that's a little harsh?
Couldn't you ask your boss
for just one night off
-to be with your son?
-Yeah, right,
for a basketball game.
Oh, he'd give me the night off,
all right?
He'd give me every night off!
-I'm sorry, I didn't realize--
-Wait, whoa!
I don't want your sorry-ocity.
But I do envy you
for one thing, Stratton.
Time, the...
the free time that you have
to spend with your son...
and mine.
Oh, I gotta get going.
I'm late for my night job.
Listen, couldn't you... [SIGHS]
...rearrange your schedule
somehow?
Open your eyes, Stratton!
You know, I may not be seeing
my son as much as I want.
But at least he's getting
a pretty fair idea
of what the world's really like.
Is yours?
[DOOR CLOSING]
[TRAIN HORN HONKING]
Hi, Dad.
Rick... [SIGHS]
...I just found out J.T.
can't go to the game tonight.
How come?
'Cause that's what
his dad wanted.
Parents, they're totally
different animal.
How about we take Tubby
and Chubby Butterman?
No, Rick.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
There are only four seats.
If we bring the Buttermans,
there won't be room for us.
I'm gonna run down
to Bud's Bat and Balls
and buy myself a new mitt.
I'll just tell Bud to charge it,
okay?
Hold it, hold it, hold it!
No, no, it's not okay.
What's the matter
with the mitt you have?
What? Bucky Dent's autograph
is wearing off.
Look, it just says, "Ucky Ent."
Here, I'll fix it.
-Dad, that-- that's forgery.
-No, it's not.
Not when it's on leather.
Look, Rick,
I've been thinking...
I've decided, I'm not going
to that game tonight, either.
What?
Why not?
Son, I really do have
to work tonight.
[CHUCKLES]
This is a joke, right?
You're kidding. [CHUCKLES]
You're not kidding?
Rick, sometimes my work
has to come first.
Do you understand?
Sure, sure, I understand.
I understand
that you made a promise
to do something with me,
and now you're welching
on that promise.
Thanks a lot.
[BLOWS RASPBERRIES]
Looks like we have
a very sad young man
in our hands.
I'll have a little chat
with him.
[DEXTER CLEARS THROAT]
Cheer up, Richard.
If you don't pick that chin up,
we'll have to put shoes on it.
Dexter, will I ever
understand grown-ups?
Of course,
when you become one.
And that's a wonderful
feeling...
until you suddenly realize
you no longer
understand children.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Howdy! Hey, Rick, guess what?
My dad and I can go
to the Globetrotters game
after all.
-You can?
-Yup.
My dad looked his boss
straight in the eyes and said,
"I'm taking my son
to a basketball game tonight,
whether you like it or not."
His boss backed right down,
"Oh, oh, whatever you say,
Mr. Martin."
Oowee! Ain't that something?
Yeah, th-- that's really great.
I'm happy for you.
Come on, my dad's out
in the pickup waiting for us.
Get your dad,
and let's vamoose!
Mm, J.T., we can't vamoose.
My dad decided he had to work
all of a sudden. [CLEARS THROAT]
Oh, ain't that a kick
in the head. [LIP SMACKS]
Rick, I know how you feel.
[CAR HORN BLARES TUNE
OF "THE YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS"]
That's my dad.
Come on, Rick.
Let's the three of us go
and have a bodacious time.
Why don't you just go,
I'm feeling
kind of non-bodacious.
Go, have a good time.
-Are you sure?
-Yeah.
All right.
I'll see you later, okay?
RICKY: Bye.
[RICKY SIGHS]
At least somebody's father
cares about his kid.
Yeah, not like that
ogre of a father you have.
Let me tell you something, Kate.
Sarcasm is not pretty on you.
Well, pouting
doesn't become you, either.
What you see on this face
is not pouting.
It's pain.
Pain of rejection
by a parental figure.
Richard, did you ever stop
to think,
there might be a reason
why your father decided
to work tonight?
[SCOFFS] Sure, there's a reason.
'Cause he cares more
about his job
than he does about me.
Ricky, your father does
more things with you
than any parent I know.
Then how come
he deserted me tonight?
Is that what you think,
that he deserted you?
Yeah.
-Well, you know what I think?
-What?
I think... you're hungry.
Let's go out and eat.
-No, I don--
-Yeah, come on. Come on.
Let's go.
Well, listen, Kate,
while you're in there,
mention Eddie Toys,
that way the meal
will be deductible.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Okay, you want
a sh**t-the-works pizza.
But you want it
with extra pepperoni,
extra mushrooms,
double cheese, extra anchovies,
double meatball, green peppers
and onions.
You want that to go?
Good. I don't wanna watch you
eat it here.
Kate, I told you,
I'm not hungry.
Well, we're here now.
Great. First my dad deserts me,
then his girlfriend takes me
on a forced march.
Good evening, good evening.
-Two for dinner?
-Yes, please.
Uh, right here's nice.
Here, young fella.
Oh, allow me, signorina,
please.
You know, I must apologize
for seating you
at an uncleared table but, uh,
you see, tonight
we're extremely busy.
Very, very busy, and I'm--
I'm certain
that we're just not up
to our usual standards
of excellence and...
-elegance.
-[BOTH CHUCKLE]
But I intend to rectify
that situation immediately.
[SCREAMS] Eddie,
clean up this crud!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER CONTINUES]
[SIGHS]
Dad!
Rick!
Dad, what are you doing here?
-Rick, what are you doing here?
-Uh, Kate brought me.
-Kate, what are you doing here?
-I brought Rick.
Eddie, what are you doing here?
I'm sorry, Dom. I--
I accidentally knocked over
the pizza boxes.
It's all right. It's okay,
Eddie. Look, I'll tell ya.
I'll pick up the boxes,
you go clear off table four.
Listen, Dom, how--
how about if I talk
to my kid first
and then clear off table four?
How about if you clear off
table four first,
and talk to your kid
next Tuesday?
Oh... better. [CHUCKLES]
Kate, I can't deal with this.
I gotta work.
What-- I think it's important
for Ricky to know
why you're here.
I thought I told you,
I'd like to keep it a secret.
I know, but I think
he should know the truth,
right now.
Eddie, clear off the table.
-Well, Dom, could I just--
-[SCREAMS] Clear off the table!
Enjoy your meal.
Rick, son,
why don't you go home.
I'll talk to you later, okay?
-I gotta work now.
-No, I wanna talk about it,
right now.
I mean, you-- you were supposed
to have a business meeting.
How come you're here
instead of taking me
to that game?
How come you deserted me?
Oh, son, I didn't desert you.
Look, when you walked
into my life, I promised myself
that I wouldn't make
the mistake my father did.
Which one?
The one where he didn't spend
enough time with me.
And, son, I resolve
that if anything...
I'll make sure that I spend
all the time possible with you,
but lately,
you've began to decide
that I should be available
on a moment's notice.
Well, don't you like
doing things with me?
Well, of course, I like doing
things with you, Rick.
But I think you're getting
an unrealistic idea
of the way it is
with other families.
What do you mean, unrealistic?
[SIGHS]
Here.
Son... most families
and most people
don't have the time
and the advantages that we do.
In fact, there are millions
of fathers out there,
everyday putting in tough days,
at tough jobs,
just so their kids
can have the very basics.
The ironic thing is...
when those fathers get home
and see they're so late
or they're so tired...
they don't even have time
to enjoy being with their kids
they're doing it all for it.
[SIGHS] I still don't understand
why you're here.
Well, I'm filling in
for J.T.'s father,
so he can have one night
to spend with his son.
RICKY: Oh.
Well...
Dad, you see-- [SIGHS]
I'm really glad
you told me this, because I--
I thought you the reason
you didn't take me tonight
was because you were getting
bored with me.
Bored with you?
Yeah, like I wasn't new
to you anymore.
It's like when I got
my pogo stick.
I was hopping on that thing
every day for three solid weeks.
Then I got
my glow-in-the-dark yo-yo,
and I forgot all
about my pogo stick.
Now, it's sitting in the garage,
next to that ripped-up,
old BarcaLounger.
See, I--
I was afraid I was becoming
your pogo stick.
Son...
you could never be
my pogo stick.
You are and always will be
my yo-yo.
I mean... [SIGHS]
You know what I mean.
I never will get bored with you.
Never.
Guys, I'd better get back
to the house
and help Dexter finish up
preparing for that tax audit.
-Okay, Kate.
-Okay.
Thank you for bringing him here.
Yeah.
I'll see you, huh?
Dad, is it okay if I stay
and help you clean up?
I can use all the help
I can get.
Oh, Dom, uh...
listen, Dom,
I'm really very sorry.
I promise you
I won't mess up anymore.
-It's okay, Eddie.
-[KATE CHUCKLES]
-Bye, guys!
-Oh, bye, Kate.
There's something
I don't understand is
how come they put the chairs
on the tables
at closing time?
Ah, I had to ask.
[EDWARD SIGHS]
-Hey, Stratton.
-EDWARD: L.B.
Hey, this is my son, Rick.
-Hi.
-Pleased to meet you.
[SIGHS] So, how was
the Globetrotters' game?
It was fantastic!
One of them came at us
with a bucket.
J.T. and I thought for sure
we were gonna get soaked,
but it was full of confetti!
Ooh-wee! Those guys are a hoot!
-So, how did it go tonight?
-Oh, it was all right.
Dom yelled at me
a couple of times,
I guess that's the way he is.
Uh, nope. Never yelled at me.
Ah.
-Well, Rick was big help.
-Oh, was he?
Yeah, the work was pretty hard
but I got to eat
a lot of free pizza.
Hey, Stratton, I--
I wanna thank you again.
Tonight was, uh, real important
to me.
J.T. and I enjoyed
that game a lot.
And we got a chance to talk
and-- and spend time together.
Uh, that's great, L.B.
And you should have seen
the look on his face
when I told him I could go.
It's worth a million bucks.
Your father is an okay guy.
Hey, I'm only filling here
for you tonight.
You gotta be here
every night. [CHUCKLES]
Well, maybe I'll get J.T.
to come in
-and help me out some time.
-[CHUCKLES]
[CAR HORN BLARING]
That'd be J.T. [CHUCKLES]
-Yeah.
-[RICKY CHUCKLES]
We're gonna go home to catch
the last hour of Hee Haw...
together. Adios.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Okay, guys. It's pay time.
Let's see, uh...
four dollars and 50 cents
an hour times eight hours
comes to 36 dollars.
-All right! [CHUCKLES]
-Great.
Now, we deduct from that
all the dishes you broke
and all the pizza you ate.
[LAUGHS] I'll tell you what.
You guys give me 16 bucks,
we'll call it even.
♪ Together
We're gonna find our way ♪
♪ Together
Taking the time each day ♪
♪ To learn all about ♪
♪ Those things
You just can't buy! ♪
♪ Two silver spoons ♪
02x12 - The World's Greatest Father
Watch/Buy Amazon
Wealthy, young-at-heart business owner and playboy Edward Stratton III is stunned to discover his brief marriage several years ago produced a son, Richard who is now 12 and wanting to live with him.
Wealthy, young-at-heart business owner and playboy Edward Stratton III is stunned to discover his brief marriage several years ago produced a son, Richard who is now 12 and wanting to live with him.