03x16 - To Catch a Duke

[bunniefuu]

Well, it must be Saturday
in Hazzard County.

The Duke boys are going fishing.

Daisy's on her way to visit
Aunt Kate for a couple of days.

And Uncle Jesse? Well,
he's just out for a ride.

Hey, look who we caught up with.

That's Uncle Jesse.

Shepherd, this here
is two Lost Sheep.

You got your ears on?
We're coming right on through.

We got us a date at
the lake to go fishing.

Get out of the way, Uncle Jesse.

Did you two finish your chores
before you left the house?

Yes, sir, we did.

And another thing, too. Daisy
called from over at Aunt Kate's.

Said Aunt Kate's back on
her feet from her miseries...

Daisy ought to be
home by Monday.

That's good. That's good.

Which reminds me.
Since Daisy ain't here...

I take it that meant you did the
laundry and made up the beds.

Yes. You better get out of the
way 'cause we're coming through.

I'll tell you, you're not coming
through unless I want you to.

I'll tell you what you do.
You just take your best sh*t.

That we will.

He's pretty good, ain't he?

Yee-haw!

Well, it looks like Uncle
Jesse ain't lost his touch.

That'll teach you to mess
with one of the best...

ridge runners in Hazzard County.

We sure showed him.

He ain't bad.

Get back on the road.

$ worth of gas. That ought
to get you about halfway.

Y'all see that car coming
in back there? Watch.

- I can't believe this.
- It's probably the fan belt.

We'll be out of this
t*nk town in no time.

You just try and
stay cool, you hear?

When I'm sitting with
$ , worth of hot jewelry

in my lap, I find it
very hard to be cool.

t*nk town?

Don't it make you kind
of feel sorry for folks...

coming to Hazzard thinking
it's just like any other place?

Whoo! Hey. What've we got here?

- Running a little hot?
- We're just having a barbecue.

What she meant to say is we
got a little fan belt trouble here.

I believe you're right.

Tell you what...

why don't y'all run over to the
cafe over there on the square...

get yourself coffee
and something to eat?

I'll have this thing
fixed for you in no time.

Thank you. Sounds
like a real good idea.

Thank you.

Hey, try the meat loaf.

We will.

Hear ye! Hear ye! Hear ye!

This meeting of the Hazzard
County Council Board...

of Directors is now in session.

I move that we dispense with
the reading of the minutes...

of the last meeting, dispense
with approval of said minutes...

and dispense with this
meeting's old business.

All in favor say, "Aye."

- Aye.
- Aye! Unanimous.

Which brings us to new business.

And this here ledger shows me...

that there's no business
in new business.

Especially in parking
tickets, speeding tickets...

and every other kind of ticket.

Well, Boss, you can't force
people to break the law.

No. But we've got to get
ourselves some new laws...

they don't know about.

And there's always some old,
old laws that they forgot about.

You can just start by ticketing
that illegal snazzy car...

parked out there in your spot.

That car is not parked
illegal, Boss. That's my car.

That's my new
secondhand used car.

How'd you buy a new secondhand
used car on what I pay you?

- By saving my nickels...
- Saving it?

And dimes.

Nickels and dimes?

I suppose that's how you got
yourself a new gold watch, too.

It isn't all gold.
There's a lot of zinc.

- Zinc.
- Looks like gold.

Yeah. Looks like gold.

But, see, it works good.
It tells the time of day...

and the month, and it plays
a little tune and wakes you up.

- You know what tune?
- I can't imagine.

- Wanna guess?
- No.

It's called Georgia on My Mind.

I'll tell you what's on my
mind, right here in this ledger.

Look at that.

All them collect calls have
been made to you from Nashville.

Oh, Oh. That's my Aunt
Emma and Uncle Wilbur.

They're poor. I have to send
them money once in a while.

Money that I save.

You mean, the money you
save on those calls that I pay for.

- No...
- Rosco, I'm warning you.

You and Cletus better bring
me in some ticket money...

or else that watch is
gonna start waking you up...

to the tune of Brother,
Can You Spare a Dime?

- Now, git!
- I'm going.

So Rosco sent
Cletus fishing, too...

to see if he could snag some
new business for the Boss.

I tell you, Luke, old Billy
sure was right about this place.

How's that?

We ain't never caught this
many fish before at one sitting.

I just wish old Flash
was here with us.

How come?

That way we'd have
catfish and hush puppies.

You'd do better if you
talked a little less...

and fished a little more.

Hi!

- Cletus, will you shut up?
- Sorry. Hi.

Hate to bother you, but can
I see your fishing license?

I know it's a bother,
but it is the law.

It's the law. Here you go.

I don't know how to tell, but
these aren't good anymore.

Have to give y'all a ticket.

What are you saying? Them
licenses is practically new.

We got them two months ago.

The law says you have to
have a brand-new fishing license.

The law says you have to have
a brand-new fishing license...

every week.

It's a new law the Sheriff
passed about minutes ago.

How're we supposed
to know about a law...

that's only been
passed minutes ago?

I don't know. The Sheriff
said to tell everybody that...

ignorance of the law..
Something I forgot.

Number one: we ain't ignorant.

And two: this is one
law we're gonna fight.

- Look, can I take my fish?
- Yes. But I take the pole.

Careful, it's brand new rig.

A really fine mess
you've got us into!

Myrna, honey, would
you just please cool down?

We've got the jewels. The law
don't even know where we're at.

We are in this little town
here. It's nice and it's quiet.

There ain't nothing for you
to worry your little heart over.

And beside that, honey,
there's just one little bitty thing:

I love you.

That's it.

Freeze!

Freeze, you're busted.

I caught you, didn't I? I
caught you osculating.

That's a no-no, see? That's
naughty. You can't osculate.

In this book of regulations,
, it definitely states...

you cannot osculate within
yards of a public thoroughfare.

And you were certainly
osculating if I've ever seen.

I gotta write out
your ticket here.

Put your hands down, lady,
it's not as if you robbed a bank.

It will cost you
$ . Uh, apiece.

And you're gonna have
to come over in person

and pay it at the jail.

- Jail?
- We'll be happy to pay the fine.

- You will?
- Yeah.

Come on. I just..

The sooner we
pay that stupid fine...

the sooner we
get out of this town.

We've gotta be absolutely
out of our minds...

to walk into a police
station with the jewels on us.

We're not going to.

You have to come
with me. It's over here.

- Yes.
- Come on.

See, osculating in itself
ain't bad, I've done it myself.

Look at these pretty flowers!

Burt, honey, aren't
they just precious?

Yeah. The Ladies'
Auxiliary.. Lady!

You done messed up again.
That's naughty. That's a no-no.

You can't pick a
Hazzard County flower.

That'll be another $ .

- $ ?
- $ .

It's worth it, Sheriff.

If I may have that,
please. Evidence.

If you'd just go
this way, please.

Meanwhile, Bo and
Luke were still fuming...

about that ticket
Cletus gave them.

Why are we taking
the shortcut, anyway?

We better get to Rosco
before he makes a law...

against taking shortcuts.

One thing I hate is somebody who
drives dang near as good as me.

Next thing Boss is liable to
do is make a law against...

I don't know, the
color of your hair.

Ain't so much the
color of your hair...

it's people who got hair that
get him all hot and bothered.

How much did you
say that would be?

You know it's $ . $
apiece for osculating.

$ for the flowers. I'm gonna
make you out a receipt here.

I have to do it
in duplicate here.

Have to keep the
records straight.

Oh, Flash.

If you have to go out, you
have to go out by yourself.

You're a big girl now.

Oh, God.

I can't believe
this. This is a new...

I'm gonna have to
give you boys a ticket!

Fishing license.

- Hey, Flash.
- Hello, Flash.

That's the first time
I've seen her on her feet.

Rosco!

You'll need a receipt, too...

We'd like to talk to you about
this ticket Cletus gave us.

- We ain't gonna pay it!
- Will you two hush?

Can't you see I'm busy taking
money from these tourists?

Taking money from the tourists.

You're always collecting
money from nice folks.

- What did y'all do?
- I was just kissing my wife.

You kissed your wife.

I'll need your Social
Security numbers now.

For just a ticket? I don't
think we'll need any receipt.

- Will you please hurry?
- We don't have all day!

Well, isn't that a
shame, because I have.

Why don't you two
just get out of here...

because after I'm finished
with these nice people...

I'm going to go down and
have myself some lunch.

I certainly am not gonna
talk to you till after then.

Now just git!

- Thanks a lot.
- Talk to you later.

Y'all have a nice day.

Thank you.

Well, Rosco, what have we here?

Boss, what we have here
is a violation of Code .

Osculating in public.

That's bad.

Actually, it's good.
I collected the fine.

Must be $ here. $ fine each.

Wrong. Actually, there's
$ there. See, I also...

- How do you figure?
- I caught them picking a pansy.

What? Picking flowers.
Where'd they do that?

Out front.

- Picking my pansies?
- Yeah. A yellow one.

I see you got that
flower as evidence.

To all law enforcement agencies:

We have an APB out of
Nashville. Jewel robbery.

Suspects believed to be
Burt and Myrna Rowby...

and headed to the
southern counties.

Known to be dangerous and armed.

You know, there must be a
big reward out for them jewels.

So I want you and Cletus to
keep a special lookout for that g*ng.

Listen, Boss, you don't
have to worry about a thing...

because if that g*ng even gets
halfway near Hazzard County...

I'll be on them like a
duck on a June bug.

Here you are, young
lady. Here's your receipt.

And here is your Social
Security card back, Mr. Rowby.

- Rowby?
- Rowby?

Down! Both of you. Come on!

On the floor! Both of
you! Get down on the floor.

I don't want you to move
until you count to .

Now count.

One, two, three...

- The jewels!
- Not now, you fool. Later!

Six, seven, ten, one hundred!

Right under your nose
and you let them get away.

Come on! Let's go after them.

You boys got yourselves
some company.

Luke, you want to drive?

Faster. There they go!

Cletus! Cletus,
stop, stop! Cletus!

Hi, Sheriff. It's been such
a downright peaceful day.

Everybody's been so good.

Cletus, you lugnut! You
get after them Duke boys!

They're part of a jewelry
robbery g*ng! Come on, move it!

And Rosco, you and
me! Shoo! Let's go.

No! Go that way!

Turn up this side street and
stop, 'cause we're getting off.

Yes, ma'am.

Get this thing going!

- Move!
- I can't find the keys.

- I know where they are.
- Where?

They're in your
hand, right there.

You dodo, come on.

It ain't fitting.

That's 'cause you
got it in the wrong way!

What in tarnation is
the matter with you?

It ain't starting.

Don't you stick your
tongue out at me, you dog.

She's not sticking
her tongue out.

You know what that is?
That's a little red velvet bag.

That must be the
Rowby g*ng's jewels.

They found the jewelry.

You couldn't find your key?

You couldn't fit your
key in the little hole?

No, it was too..

And you bought yourself
a new car and watch...

with all them nickels and
dimes you've been saving?

Boss, why are you looking at
me with those beady little eyes?

- What are you thinking?
- Nothing.

- I know something.
- What?

Them collect calls
you got from Nashville...

from your aunt and uncle,
they were from the Rowby g*ng.

You're in this with them
and with the Duke boys.

No, listen, I don't want
you thinking.. I am innocent.

You know what really
cuts me to the quick?

That you, find yourself
a sweet deal like this...

and you didn't cut me in
for one little itty-bitty percent.

You know what that
means? I call it mutiny.

That's right. Treason,
disloyalty, and disaffection.

This here is Luke. We ain't
really acquainted with them.

They pulled a g*n on
us. What's this all about?

Cousin Boss said you boys
were part of that jewel robbery.

Shame on you. You know
better than that. Now pull over.

Boss, listen. I swear...

I didn't have anything to
do with those jewel thieves.

Yeah? Then how did these
here jewels get in your car?

Well, they..

I don't know.

Flash, tell your daddy where
you got that bag of jewels.

I'll take away
your dog biscuits.

No. Don't say another word.
I've seen and heard enough.

You really let me down
this time, didn't you?

How?

There's only one
thing left for me to do...

before I put these jewels
away for safekeeping.

And that is to officially
drum you out...

as Hazzard County sheriff.

You wouldn't. You would.

Let's get the car and
pull out of this place.

We're gonna get the car,
but we ain't going nowhere...

except where that fat little
man and our jewelry is going.

- But, Myrna...
- Shut up!

It is our jewelry and
we're taking it back.

Now, come on.

Cletus, you know
us better than that.

Can we just talk this over?

We could talk as soon as I
take you in like Boss told me to.

Sorry, Cletus.
There ain't no way.

We'll see you later.
No hard feelings.

Darn it!

A jewelry robbery.

Been better off staying fishing.

Hang, on cousin this is
where we're gonna lose him.

Don't y'all be surprised...

but sometimes
rabbits in Hazzard...

will turn on the dogs
who's chasing them.

They got some mean
rabbits in Hazzard.

Hang on.

I'm okay.

Gotta catch up with the ones
who got us into this mess.

I want the girl.

What can you like about a
girl who waves a g*n at you?

I didn't say I liked her.

I just wanna get her across
my knee so that I can...

You know what I mean.

Being in trouble
when it ain't their fault...

ain't nothing compared...

to having to face
Uncle Jesse with it.

We were just victims of
circumstance, that's all.

I don't know what's
getting into you boys.

One minute you're
catfishing, and the next...

you're up the creek with them.

- Now, what's happening?
- We're sorry.

Don't be sorry.

I just get loud and nasty when I
get to worrying about you boys.

Listen, where do you
want me to meet you?

There's a place
where me and Luke...

used to play hooky from school.

- I'll tell you where it is.
- Don't need to do that.

You boys didn't make a
move that I didn't know where.

That would be the old
Okmulgee Indian caves.

I'll meet you there.

He knew.

Makes me wonder sometimes.

Boss, I'm innocent.

It was the Duke boys.
Them and that Rowby g*ng.

Now, hand over your
g*n, Mr. Coltrane.

But I thought I was
your buddy, remember?

Oh, I remember.

Hand over your g*n, buddy.

Everyone is innocent
until proven guilty.

- I want a trial.
- A trial?

You want a trial, you got
it. Swear in the witness.

Tell the truth,
nothing but the truth?

- I do.
- He does.

Come to order. This
court is now in session.

The witness is the defendant,
Mr. Rosco P. Coltrane.

Mr. Coltrane, where did
we find the stolen jewels?

Well, in my car...
Guilty! Case closed.

Listen, I want to take
this to a higher court.

Then get yourself a ladder.
Now, hand over your g*n.

I have the right
to remain silent.

Then shut up and
hand over your g*n!

Alright.

Cletus, step forward.

I hereby appoint you...

the new Sheriff of
Hazzard County.

Buzzard on a buzz saw.

Your first job is gonna
help me escort these...

jewels to the Boars
Nest for safekeeping.

Oh, Sheriff... I mean... Rosco.

I never wanted to
be Sheriff like this.

It's alright, Cletus.

You'll make a fine Sheriff.

I hope so.

I'd be obliged if I could ask
your advice from time to time.

Anytime you want.

In fact, I got two pieces
of advice for you right now.

Never ask for a raise.

Be proud of your job.

Yes, sir.

Flash, I guess
we're civilians again.

I guess we'll have to go...

get those Dukes
and bring them back...

and make them talk
and prove we're innocent.

Let's just go get
those Duke boys.

Well, now it's the Sheriff.

Well, Flash, this is
embarrassing, isn't it?

What happened to him?

Who cares?

It's that fat little marshmallow
with our jewelry we want.

We're gonna get him.

Out at the Okamulgee
Indian caves...

the Dukes were mulling
over the best way...

for Bo and Luke to prove...

they didn't have anything
to do with that jewelry heist.

I don't know no way for you
boys to get out of this thing.

We didn't have nothing to
do with them jewel thieves.

I know that, Bo.

They're probably long gone
out of the country by now.

Without them around...

there's no way you boys
is gonna be able to prove...

you had nothing to do with them.

I'd hate to believe
you're right, Uncle Jesse.

Luke and me was
in the wrong place...

at the wrong time again, is all.

That's right.

You were in the wrong
place at the wrong time.

Now you all just
stay right there.

You didn't think I knew about
this hiding place, did you?

Well, I used to come here when
I played hooky from school, too.

What in the happened? What
are you doing out of uniform?

Never you mind about my uniform.

Flash and me, we're
traveling incognito.

And I'm gonna take these
boys back and talk to Boss...

so they can explain to him

that I didn't have anything
to do with that jewel g*ng.

- He thinks you're involved?
- Oh, yeah.

- He fired you, didn't he?
- Yeah.

That's a mighty low thing to do,

especially for his own
dang brother-in-law.

Will you hush?

You see, the Boss, he found
the jewel bag in my car...

Well, I would
have fired me, too.

Rosco.

Do you mean to tell me
that you still stick up for J.D.?

Jesse, don't you understand?

He's gonna apologize
to Flash and me...

just as soon as I take the
boys back and they tell the truth.

Rosco, the truth
is we're innocent,

just like we believe you are.

Rosco, just this once...

why don't you and the
boys work together...

and prove that none
of you had anything

to do with this jewel thieving.

We're willing, if you are.

Oh, no, you don't.

You're not gonna snooker
me into that buddy-buddy stuff.

Now, come on, boys, I mean it.

Uncle Jesse, the
man just ain't listening.

Now, we're sorry that...

you're not in your
uniform anymore

and that you're not
the Sheriff no more.

But seeing as how
you ain't the Sheriff...

you just got no right at all to
take Bo and Luke anywhere.

Wrong!

Listen, I can make
a citizen's arrest...

and that's exactly what I
am gonna do and that's legal.

And if you don't believe that...

then maybe you'll believe this.

Now, come on. I'm serious.

- Now, come on.
- Go for it, boys.

Go!

Sucker!

That's terrible, you know.

Here you go, Rosco.

Thank you. Freeze!

That's the way they
went, Flash, huh?

That's a good girl. att*ck!

You show no mercy.

There ain't nothing to
att*ck, is there? They're gone.

I didn't mean to scruff you.

Boss Hogg, this
is Sheriff Rosco...

This is citizen
Rosco P. Coltrane...

calling Boss Hogg.
You got your ears on?

Listen, Boss, I'm in hot pursuit
of the Duke boys on Route .

I need help. Is Cletus
around there? Come on.

Mr. Coltrane, this is
Mr. Hogg speaking.

You can stop that about chasing
your thieving confederates...

'cause I ain't buying!

And I ain't sending my Sheriff
out on no wild goose chase.

Over and out.

Come on, Sheriff.

Flash, I guess we'll
have to do it ourselves.

That little fat meadow
muffin ain't listening to us.

Remember, neighbors...

in Hazzard, just about the
time things really get bad...

they usually turn for the worst.

Look out for the rocks, Luke!

Hold on, Flash!

Now, what did I tell you?

What a horrendous
near-miss that was.

You alright, Flash?

Rosco looks alright.

But his car is gonna need
a little bit of Cooter's TLC.

He finally knows what
it's like to be accused

of something you didn't do.

Looks like the only way
we'll be able to clear ourselves

is to clear him, too.

The damn fool
should just let us do it.

Hold on.

Didn't he say that
Boss has the jewels?

Yeah, why?

I got a pretty good feeling...

them thieves ain't
gonna leave town

without trying to get them back.

- From Boss Hogg.
- Absolutely.

Let's head on back.

Meanwhile, Boss, with
Cletus riding shotgun...

headed out to the Boars
Nest with the jewelry.

Alright, Burt, stay
close but not too close.

Yes, ma'am.

You see what I see coming?

They're heading
for the Boars Nest.

From now on, we don't
let Boss out of our sight.

Okay.

Son of a g*n.

Looks like that sweet little
couple is up to the same thing.

Wish I'd get my hands on them
and wring the truth out of them.

It wouldn't hold up in court.

Why don't we let them make
their own move on Boss?

What, and let them
take the jewels?

It'll only be temporary.

When we get them, we get
the jewels, the evidence...

Boss has got to let
us go, and Rosco, too.

What if it don't work?

We put in to be
roommates at the state pen.

While the boys drive
overland to the Boars Nest

where at that very moment...

Rosco had to face everybody
for the first time as a civilian.

And he felt plum naked.

Right here.

Rosco, I just want
to tell you again...

how sorry I am you
ain't Sheriff no more.

Well, it's thanks to
your boys, Jesse.

They offered to help you.

You'd have no part of it.

You didn't want...

any of that "buddy-buddy
stuff," you said.

Oh, hush, you old goat.

I'm not gonna buy
any of that succotash.

I'm not asking for any of
you Dukes to feel sorry for me.

Rosco, even the
Davenports feel sorry for you.

Well, if you feel
so sorry for me

tell me where Bo
and Luke Duke is.

We ain't that sorry.

Here they come.

Area secure, Cousin Boss, sir.

Alright, let me out.

Listen, Lori Mae, honey.

Would you fetch me
a cold ginger beer?

I'd appreciate it.

Can't do it, Rosco.

Why not?

Boss Hogg said you
weren't to be served.

He said that about me?

I'm real sorry.

Will everybody stop
feeling sorry for me?

Just... Just bring
me a drink of water.

And would you bring
one for Flash, too?

Boss Hogg said not even water.

Well, he certainly doesn't
mind if we just sit here, does he?

Well, as a matter
of fact... We're gone.

Here you go.

Have mine.

No, I don't want that slop.

It's probably flatter than
yesterday's Frisbee, anyway.

Well, if that's
the way you feel.

Terrible, ain't it?

Yeah, it's just terrible.

Yeah, well, I knew it's slop.

We're gonna have to see
what we can do about that.

Yes siree Bob, Cletus.

This is what life is all about.

Drop that g*n!

And you, hand over them jewels.

What jewels?

The ones under
your little fat belly.

Y'all ought to see
them boys play pinball.

Down on the floor,
both of you. Face down.

Yeah, but, honey...

I just had this suit cleaned
from the last time you did this.

- Down!
- Yes, sure.

You both count to before
you start to move. You hear?

'Cause we might
be right behind you.

- Count!
- Alright.

- One.
- One.

- Two.
- Two.

- Three.
- Three.

- Four.
- Four.

- Five.
- Five.

You idiot!

Now wait a minute,
honey. This ain't my fault.

What do we do?

Borrow another one.

Ten, , , , , , .

- Nine.
- Cletus!

You're only on nine?

- Yeah.
- But I'm done.

That's cheating, not
to mention dangerous.

Well, we're gonna
leave, Flash and I.

We're gonna just
get on out of here.

We ain't got time to sit
around and drink that slop.

We got to sniff
those Duke boys out.

We'll sniff them out.

Come on.

Come on, hurry up.

You're getting
heavier every minute...

of your life, I do
believe, Flash.

Will you shut up and
let's go get them jewels!

Twelve.

Rosco.

Howdy, Sheriff.

You!

Get in.

Listen.

That's a p*stol. Listen...

- Can I...
- Just shut up and drive.

I'll take you someplace.

They got Rosco.

Let's cut him off.

Rosco! He's driving the
getaway car this time!

Come on. Look at that!

They're being followed
by the rest of their g*ng...

the Duke boys. Come on.

Come on, now.

Alright, move it.

Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!

Move this car
back. You move out.

You move out. Come on.

There!

Hold it!

Look out, that's Cletus driving.

Now friends, those are
three determined people.

Move it, will you?

Come on.

- Look where you're going!
- I'm okay.

Cletus, you lugnut!

I'd like to know
who's chasing who.

That's better.

You let those boys
get any closer...

you and your dog just
seen your last day, you hear?

You'd better
step on it, Sheriff.

How come Rosco never drives
that good when he's chasing us?

I guess you always drive
better when you're being chased.

I guess.

I got an idea.

And the idea was Uncle Jesse...

who was just heading back home.

Shepherd, this here is Lost
Sheep, do you read me?

What's your ?

I'm just going by
the old Picard place.

Alright, here's the plan.

After telling Jesse
about Rosco's trouble...

old Luke figured he'd put
an extra rut in the road...

by having Jesse
set up a roadblock.

She wouldn't.

She would.

Is that any way to treat
your fellow criminals?

They ain't no friends of ours.

They ain't?

Good, then they must be mine.

- Stay on the road.
- I'm trying.

Lady, if you stop sh**ting,
I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll take you someplace where
nobody will be able to find you.

Hey! What about them?

Oh, listen. They
are good old boys.

I can talk some sense into
them if you let me use the CB.

Better start
squawking now, Sheriff.

Better make it good.

I will.

Bo and Luke, this is Sheriff...

This is Rosco. You
got your ears on?

- Luke here, Rosco. You alright?
- Never mind me.

Listen, back off, boys.

You'll get yourself sh*t.

We're gonna take our
chances. You hang in there.

Listen, now, don't
give me a hard time.

I mean this and that's an order

even if I am not Sheriff
any more. Back off.

I can't leave you. Sorry, Rosco.

Uncle Jesse taught them that.

You got to make some tough
decisions once in a while.

It ain't easy being a Duke.

Well, it ain't no skin off my
posterior. Go ahead and sh**t.

Let them have it, honey.

Alright!

Alright.

Hold it right there.
Get out of there.

Come on out. Stand right there.

Come on.

Alright.

Good job, Rosco.

Alright, Rosco.

We couldn't have
done it better ourselves.

Where's the jewels?

Right here.

Oh, Flash. Very alert.

Ever alert.

You're gonna be a real
hero in Boss' eyes now.

Listen, boys, now...

I'm terribly sorry. I
know you're innocent.

Well, I just don't know
how to say I'm sorry.

Would you forget it?

You got anything to
say, say it to Boss...

when he pins that nice shiny
badge back for giving him these.

He will, won't he?

Ain't no way he can claim
we was part of that g*ng now.

Think again. All of you.

You take us in, you're
going down with us.

There ain't no way you
can make him do that, lady.

If you don't let us go, we're
gonna tell the whole world...

you and these country boys
here were in on everything with us.

Are you kidding,
lady? You just hush.

Ain't nobody gonna listen
to that titivating drivel.

- Except Boss Hogg.
- Except Boss Hogg?

Especially that part
about me and Luke.

Lady, you can tell the whole
world exactly what you want.

We're just gonna have
to take that chance.

Come on boys,
we'd better call in.

Call in?

Yes, call in.

Wait a minute.

Hold it right
there. Don't you...

- You sure about this, Luke?
- Yeah.

Now, Luke's plan had
four things wrong with it:

One: It was hard.
Two: It was dangerous.

And three: It had no guarantee.

And four: Rosco liked it.

Uncle Jesse, you got
your ears on? Listen up.

Get everybody in town
to turn their CBs on...

and keep the channel open.
Might hear something interesting.

I read you loud and clear, Luke.

I'll get on it right away. You
two be careful, you hear?

Alright, you two, get over here.

If they give you any trouble,
cuff them and stuff them.

I'm on my way back to get
these jewels to the Boss.

Rosco was to return to Boss,
taking the jewelry with him...

while Bo and Luke took
them Rowbys along with them.

Are you going to get in the car

or are we gonna
have to stuff you in?

But not before
contacting Uncle Jesse,

filling him in on what's
he supposed to do.

Town of Hazzard.
This is Jesse Duke.

You got your ears on out
there? I wanna talk to you.

Those of you who got your
ears on, go tell your neighbors...

I got something
to tell all of you.

Yeah, that's right, Enos.

Everybody you can
reach, tell them Channel .

Thanks.

Let's foot it, Flash.

I'm gonna walk right
into Boss' office and say:

"alright, Boss.

"Here's every teeny little piece
of jewelry you think I stole."

No. I walk right in, I say:

"alright, Boss."

Cletus, you're a real
lugnut, you know that?

You took your car and you
almost made me destroy mine.

Alright, Boss.

Here is every teeny-tiny
little piece of jewelry that...

that crooked couple
stole in Nashville.

Give me that!

I'm not asking for
any reward money.

But I'm asking for my job back
and I do get that back, right?

- Wrong.
- Wrong?

Right.

I see your game.

I see right through you.

First, you double-cross me.

And now, you're double-crossing
your own confederates in crime

namely the Duke
boys, to gain my favor.

It ain't gonna
work, Mr. Coltrane.

Cletus, escort this
civilian to the hoosegow.

And his dog, too.

Cletus, take your clammy
cabbage collectors off of me.

Will you just hush?

The Duke family told me
you wouldn't listen to us.

Bo and Luke Duke...

this is Sheriff
Rosco P. Coltrane.

We're ready on this
end when you are.

We're ready here, Rosco.

- Uncle Jesse?
- The whole town is waiting.

Then it's a go.

Anytime you're ready, Cousin.

Slow this thing
down, just a little bit?

What are you
trying to do? k*ll us?

Now this picturesque spot used
to be the old Ridgerunner Road.

Pretty, ain't it?

I see you didn't
bring your camera.

Take this thing down.

Come on, straighten it out.

It's fun.

What are you
trying to do? k*ll us?

Now, why would we
want to do that for?

If you get hurt, there'd be
nobody to tell the truth, right?

Everybody knows it was
y'all that stole them jewels.

That ain't no big secret, buddy.

Shut up, Burt.

What everybody'd like to know is

who else helped you
two pull that robbery?

It was actually...

Burt, I can't quite hear
you. You'll have to speak up.

I said, keep your mouth shut.

Bo, I do believe these folks
would like to see Wilton Bridge.

I bet they would.

The trouble with the bridge is
it got washed out in the flood.

Of course, we can't jump
it. Don't matter much to us.

We'd rather die
than go to prison.

Wilton Bridge dead ahead.

That road crew
still ain't fixed it.

Will somebody
please stop this car?

We couldn't do that, Burt,
then you'd miss all the fun.

Somebody please help
him set this thing down.

Put it down!

Please, let me out of this car!

Who helped you
two steal that jewelry?

Nobody, man. I swear.

Shut up. I'm
gonna tell the truth.

We did this all by
ourselves. Nobody helped us.

Just let me out of here!

We did it all alone.
All by ourselves.

Sheriff Rosco had
nothing do with it, right?

Yeah, you got it right.
Nobody did it except us.

Alright!

Alright, folks, story's
over, let's go home.

Hazzard just heard the Lost
Sheep. We're coming on home.

Well, with the whole town
CB witnesses to the confession

Boss had no choice but to drop
the charges against the Dukes.

Alright, Cletus,
take them inside.

And stuff them and cuff them.

But they are already cuffed.

Well, then just stuff them.

Let's go.

Rosco, I do believe that
I owe you an apology.

Boss, what you
owe me is my badge.

Yeah, you'll get it.

I appreciate that.

You're reinstated.

I'm gonna give you
something else, too.

A fair share of
that reward money.

Really? - ?

Are you going
disloyal on me again?

- I don't want to...
- - ?

- ?

- ?

That's how you...

And about that money Rosco
and Boss were gonna split...

Mama Lulu got to it first.

But Bo and Luke
were off the hook.

Jesse was the only
one who got stuffed.

Can't you get these unwelded?

You'll fit in there.

- Oh, dear.
- I've got an idea.

What's that?

We'll weld the door
shut on his pickup truck.