03x05 - A Dark and Stormy Night

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MAIN TITLE

[PLAYING MAIN THEME]

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WOMAN [ON TV]: You fiend! You diabolical fiend!

EVIL DOCTOR [ON TV]: When I throw the switch, my experiment will be complete!

EVIL DOCTOR [ON TV]: [LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

WOMAN [ON TV]: Ahhhhh!

[THUNDER CRACKS]

Boy, talk about special effects.

It's a power failure. What a gyp!

I'll get my flashlight.

Wait a minute. What's that?

Ahhhh!

Relax, Freddy. It's me. Oh.

Looks like the whole neighborhood's blacked out.

Bummer.

We were all set on watching the Hungry Monster Marathon.

Well, you guys rely on TV too much.

Whatever happened to your own imagination?

I saw a TV show about that once.

I'm serious, Rick.

You know, I like TV as much as the next guy,

but your own imagination can be great.

I remember when I was a counselor

at Camp Al Bernstein.

We used to play a game called pass-the-ghost story.

I don't know, Dad. No, it's fun.

See, the first person would start the story,

then when he got to the scary part,

he'd pass it to the next person.

Sounds complicated.

Could be worth a sh*t.

I'll go first. All right. Now, let's see.

This happened a long time ago. In fact, in 1891.

And the interesting thing is, it happened right here

in this very house.

[WHINES]

I haven't said anything scary yet, Freddy.

Well, I was just practicing.

[THUNDER CRACKS]

EDWARD: It was a dark and stormy night.

[OWL HOOTING]

Three young travelers were stranded

on the road that leads to Stratton Manor.

As the boys approached the house,

they could hear thunder.

[THUNDER CRACKS]

Lightning illuminated the cobwebs on the door.

They hesitated just a moment.

[CREEPY MUSIC PLAYING]

Do we really wanna disturb these people?

There's no place else to go, Freddy.

GHOSTLY VOICE: Boo!

Get out of here!

Okay, but if a monster answers the door,

I'm not going in.

Well, nobody's home. Let's leave.

[DOOR SQUEAKING]

Oh, good.

[GHOSTLY CRYING]

The living room was eerie-looking.

It was like the place had been designed

by Count Dracula's interior decorator.

Hello?

Anybody home?

Ahh! Ahh!

Don't worry, Freddy.

We'll protect you from the vicious clown.

You-- You-- You know what that is?

That's a poltergeist.

I had one once.

It turned my underwear around while I was wearing it.

Yeah. Or maybe it's a haunted hat

looking for its owner's...

head.

Or maybe...

just a cute little kitten hiding under a hat.

Come on, guys.

Why are we so convinced there's something here to be afraid of?

Well, for one thing, that coffee table is a coffin.

And there's probably a vampire in it.

There you go again.

Oh, yeah? Then why don't you open it and find out?

Why wouldn't I open it?

You wanna know why I won't open it?

Why I won't open it?

I'll tell you why I won't open it.

Because it's private property, that's why.

Hum.

All right.

I'm gonna open it enough just to prove

there's nothing to be afraid of.

ALL: Ahhhh!

Open it!

[SCREAMS] [EVIL LAUGHTER]

Welcome. I am Dr. Swell.

[SCREAMS]

They turned to see Dr. Edgar Swell.

He was a handsome figure of a man.

Distinguished.

Affable.

Sensitive.

Serious.

A lot of fun at parties.

I didn't hear you come in.

I wasn't expecting company.

We didn't mean to intrude. You see, a storm came up.

And our bikes got stuck in the mud.

And then the flood washed out the bridge.

Right after the fog rolled in.

And then, as if that weren't enough,

it got real humid.

Well, you boys are certainly welcome to spend the night.

Let me take your brains.

I mean your baggage.

We don't have any. Baggage, I mean.

Then I'll just prepare your room.

Seems like a nice guy.

[WOOD SQUEAKING]

The boys' blood ran cold

when they realized

where the sound was coming from.

It was the ancient mummy case.

After centuries of dusty slumber,

its door was slowly creaking open.

And out stepped...

Take it, Alfonso.

ALFONSO: Out stepped...

a beautiful woman.

She was bashful...

hip...

bubbly...

and very pretty.

For an older woman.

She wasn't that old.

She had something important to tell them.

You must leave immediately.

Why?

Dr. Swell is a mean and evil man.

He's performing terrible experiments

with brains and animals.

And worse than that, he's been doing awful things

with guacamole.

Gee, he seems so easygoing.

Why do you stay?

We're trying to work out our relationship.

And besides, he turned my father into a kitty-cat.

And if I leave, he'll take away his rubber mouse.

Oh, that cat was your father?

He's real cute.

Oh, boys.

Oh, there you are.

Now, you stay right here

and I'm going to go fix you some nice hot cocoa.

With marshmallows.

The butler is making up your brains.

I mean beds.

[LOUD CROAKING]

What was that?

Oh, that's just one of his experiments.

A 26-foot frog.

[LOUD WHIRLING]

And that?

That's a 9-foot fly.

[LOUD GULPING]

That was a 9-foot fly.

Let's go!

Wait a minute. We can't leave. Why not?

Because it's a rule.

People never leave stories like these.

No matter how stupid it seems to stay.

[EVIL LAUGHTER] [DOOR SLAMMING]

Of course, rules are meant to be broken.

[GRUNTING]

[CONTINUES GRUNTING]

Could we have that hot cocoa to go?

ALFONSO: And so the three boys are trapped at the front door

while the evil Mr. Rotten is slowly coming toward them,

step by step,

inch by inch, and...

Over to you, Freddy.

Me? Oh, no. I pass.

No, come on, Freddy. You can do it.

Just use your imagination.

I'm not sure I have one.

Just pretend you do.

Oh, okay.

FREDDY. Since the front door won't open, they...

run upstairs.

[MR. ROTTEN GRUNTS]

Nah, that's no good.

Wait, wait, I've got it.

Mr. Rotten comes toward the boys.

It looked like a job for Super Freddy!

And so Super Freddy saves the day,

and they all lived happily ever after.

While Rick and Alfonso congratulate Super Freddy,

Mr. Rotten managed to tear off Super Freddy's F,

the source of all his power,

and made him an average person again.

The boys stood huddled together

paralyzed with fear.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[SCREAMING AND GRUNTING]

Now...

now I'm going to...

get your cocoa.

Don't go away.

Boy, he sure is moody.

Maybe it's too much caffeine.

It won't be long now.

You shall finally have your new brain.

Tonight's the night.

Everything is perfect.

The moon is full.

It's Halloween.

It's a dark and stormy night.

I have nothing better to do.

Let me see. Now, which evil potion should I drink?

RAT: Don't do it. You know how cranky you get

when you drink that stuff.

Oh, stop nagging me, Mom.

[COUGHING]

Here we go.

[GRUNTING]

I feel much worse, ha, ha!

Soon the whole world will be mine.

Oh, I told you he was a monster.

I may hang around in a mummy case,

but I'm not crazy.

Then the library door burst open.

It was Mr. Rotten again, and...

Your turn, Rick. RICK: Okay.

RICK: Mr. Rotten sees the beautiful damsel

and he gets real mad.

[GRUNTING]

You've betrayed me for the last time.

[DAMSEL SCREAMS]

Oh, no! Here we go again.

And still no hot cocoa.

Put her down, you fiend!

What did you say?

"Friend." I said, "Put her down, you friend."

[DAMSEL SCREAMS]

Come on.

Over there.

This does it!

I am not going out with you anymore!

Well, I'll miss you,

but I'll still have your brain.

Boy, Mr. Rotten is too nice a name for this guy.

Hey, Rick, let me look.

We've gotta get loose. We gotta cut this rope.

Hey, look! The general's sword.

Oh, great. Get back.

A little to the left.

To the right now. Come on.

All right, that's perfect. Now, on three. One, two, three.

It won't be long now.

Freddy, we gotta save the girl.

She'll be all right. It's just a story.

There's no doorknob.

And you always make fun of me

for carrying a spare doorknob.

[LOUD CROAKING]

Ahhh!

Then again, I'd love to see how the story turns out.

Come on, Alfonso. Let's knock down the door.

All right. Ready? One, two, three!

[ALL SCREAMING]

[MR. ROTTEN ROARS]

Oh, my God. Oh!

Back, back!

Get back!

I know someone's there.

No!

[DOOR SLAMMING] [KIDS PANTING]

Yeah.

Thank you.

[KIDS SCREAMING]

Get back, Rotten!

Or else you're gonna taste the sting of this...

bread stick.

Your days of messing with brains are over, bucko!

We'll see about that.

[GRUNTING]

Try again, Rotten!

Try again.

[GRUNTING]

Take that!

Run!

[EXPLOSIONS]

Hey. My headache's gone.

We're leaving now, Rotten.

And we're taking the girl with us.

MR. ROTTEN: Look! Look!

He's alive!

My creation is a success!

Meet Frankenstuffins.

Hello. Nice to meet you. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Ahhh!

This new brain is such a nice change of pace.

The previous owner was a shoe salesman.

Would you care for a nice pair of brown wedges?

Cut that out!

I am your master.

You obey me.

First, I want you to torment these people.

Then I want you to go into town

and give the townspeople a hard time.

Then I want you to pick me up a loaf of brains.

He means bread.

I mean brains.

All right, let's go. Chop-chop. Come on.

No "please"? No "thank you"?

No "how's your new brain?"

That's the problem with you mad scientists,

you're so rude and insensitive.

Well, this is one monster

who's not gonna be pushed around anymore.

No! No, back!

Sit! Stay! Heel!

Bad monster! Down, monster, down!

No!

Those who live by the frog, die by the frog.

[CREEPY MUSIC]

[THUNDER CRACKS]

[APPLAUSE]

Great story. Great story.

Wait a minute. Rick, you never said what happened

to the mad doctor and Frankenstuffins the monster.

You have to leave something for a sequel.

[LAUGHS]

That was really fun.

Well, see? A little imagination goes a long way.

Looks like you'll be able to watch

your monster marathon after all.

Forget that. Let's tell another ghost story.

I'll turn off the lights. I get to go first.

It was an even darker and stormier night.

Everyone thought that Frankenstuffins the monster

was gone.

But they were wrong.

He was coming back.

[STEPS]

[THUNDER CRACKS] [SCREAMING]

[LAUGHING]

This worked even better than I thought.

Isn't this a great costume?

It didn't even win a prize at that stupid Halloween party.

You guys are so skittish.

Dexter, you scared us out of our brains.

I mean wits.

[PLAYING ENDING THEME]

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