03x14 - Special Friend

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DR. SCOTT [ON RADIO]: You know, Veronica, it sounds to me

like your life is out of balance.

VERONICA [ON RADIO]: What do you mean, "out of balance," Dr. Scott?

DR. SCOTT [ON RADIO]: You're escaping the other aspects of your life.

The important thing is to even things out.

A healthy happy life

is one of equilibrium and symmetry.

Hi, Kate.

What happened to the plant?

Um... Root rot.

DR. SCOTT [ON RADIO]: Well, our time is up.

If you have any problems,

be sure to have them this time tomorrow.

Remember, life isn't so complicated

if you just live it.

You like listening to Dr. Scott?

Oh, I think it's a very entertaining program.

Psychology isn't supposed to be entertaining.

It's serious stuff.

You cannot give easy answers to complex problems

in between commercials for pantyhose.

I had no idea you had

such strong feelings about this, Rick.

Ever since he joined that peer counseling program,

he analyzes everything anyone says.

I do not.

Alfonso, have you considered you might be a little jealous?

Think about it.

Back up a second, Rick.

What is this peer counseling?

Well, it's this special class

where I've been training

to help other kids having problems.

We call them special friends.

Oh, sounds like a very valuable program.

For example, one of my cases involved a child

who's afraid to undress

in the locker room for gym class.

That's a tough problem.

Tough? Not really.

I simply suggested

that while he was worrying about other kids watching him,

they were all worried about him watching them.

That's very clever.

Clever? Not really.

It comes from weeks of experience.

And tomorrow it's onto my next case.

Well, I've gotta go.

I'm gonna try to find a girl whose problem is loneliness,

and solve it.

Oh, Edward-- Wait a second. I think I got it.

No!

This stupid thing! I can't figure it out.

What is that stupid thing?

Oh, my Eastern European buyer found this in Leningrad.

It's the Russian answer to Rubik's Cube.

It's called Ivanovich's

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN]

What does that mean?

Roughly translated it means "object that makes you insane".

Big fad in Russia.

Hey.

You could sell it here and call it

"the Communist Block".

[LAUGHING]

The boy you're about to meet is named Mark Adams.

He's in junior high.

He doesn't seem to get along with the other children,

and lately he's been cutting classes.

Well, we'll see what we can do, Miss Pikes.

Rick.

Rick, I've chosen you to be Mark's special friend

because you've done so well

with the kids you've worked with so far.

But Mark may be a challenge.

He's rejected everyone who tries to talk to him.

Hey, the tougher, the better.

After all, I like to think of myself

as a human bridge over troubled waters.

I know. I'm working on humility.

Rick, I want to remind you.

As you've learned in this program,

you are not a psychologist.

The best thing you can do for Mark is to be his friend.

Listen to him and try to put yourself in his shoes.

Right.

After you meet with Mark a few times,

we'll get together

and discuss how things are going.

Okay.

Mark.

Mark Adams.

This is Rick Stratton.

Hi, Mark.

Hi.

Well, welcome to peer counseling.

Now, don't be scared about those words.

All it means is we're gonna get to know each other

and talk a lot.

Now, this can be a lot of fun,

so feel free to say whatever is on your mind.

Really? Absolutely.

Well, okay.

I was just thinking,

I thought high school kids were taller.

So...

anything else in your mind?

That's pretty much it.

Good, good.

Why don't you sit down?

Tell me something about yourself.

Nah, you don't wanna hear it. It's not that interesting.

Come on.

Well, for eight years, I was the governor of Montana.

Mark.

Let's get something straight.

I don't need a shrink.

If I did need one, I'd get one who was already out of puberty.

Good, good. Go with that.

There's nothing wrong with me that couldn't be cured

by eliminating teachers, school and most other people.

So in other words, you're mad at the world.

No. I'm mad at the universe.

So...

who's you favorite music group?

The Benny Goodman Quartet.

Great!

Who's Benny Goodman?

Clarinetist, American, hits include "Sing, Sing, Sing".

Famous alumnus is Gene Krupa.

Great!

Who's Gene Krupa?

So...

thought you could have a conversation with me, huh?

You know, Mark,

we're only gonna get out of this what we put into it.

Have you ever heard the phrase "garbage in, garbage out"?

I learned that working on my computer.

You like computers?

Well, so do I. I write my own programs.

Some people think that's hard. Not me. I'm real good at it.

Oh, and I'm saving up for a modem.

I can't believe you actually created this game yourself.

Yeah, it's based on my personal experience cutting class.

I called it "Escape From Junior High".

Yeah, we've almost escaped. Oh, oh!

What--? What's that? The hall monitor.

ROBOTIC VOICE: Stop! Where's your hall pass?

A close one. I've successfully ditched school,

and all I have to do is-- Wow!

The vice principal.

I think I can outrun him.

ROBOTIC VOICE: Come back here!

You know, Mark,

I've only been working with you two weeks

and already you're my biggest success story.

Miss Pikes says your grades are coming up

and you haven't ditched school once.

Hey, you helped me realize

that if you could put up with junior high, so could I.

Oh, didn't I tell you? I joined the computer club.

That's great.

Once you get to know people, it's not so bad.

Yeah, one kid said hello to me.

I'm considering saying hello back.

It's a step.

You know, Rick, I'm not one to get syrupy, but...

you're not nearly as big a jerk as I thought you were.

Thanks. That's very touching.

[8-BIT VICTORY MUSIC PLAYING]

I'm home free!

I thought you gave up on that.

I merely put it away for a week

to let my subconscious work on it.

Give me that.

What are you doing?

My subconscious tells me to k*ll it.

You can't k*ll an inanimate object.

Oh. In that case, I'm gonna seriously injure it.

Hi, Dad. Hi, son. How are you doing?

Hi, Mark. How are you?

I'm fine, Mr. Stratton. Well, good.

What's this?

Oh, that. Some silly thing from Russia.

Some overly complex adult toy which...

you just solved.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Stratton. I've ruined all your fun.

No...

Thanks.

We're going to computer store for a few minutes, Dad, okay?

Okay, guys.

Bye. KATE: Bye.

Your dad's a pretty neat guy.

He reminds me of my dad.

He likes to take me to fun places too,

like camping or basketball.

Or we'll go out on his boat.

I'd like to meet your dad.

Sure. But he's on the road a lot.

Alfonso. Hey, Rick.

What do you say we play a little

one-on-one out on the playground?

Sorry, we were just going

to that new computer store, Flappy Joe's.

Can I talk you for a second, Rick?

Sure.

Privately.

Hey, Rick, the guys and I never see you anymore.

You're always hanging around with that nerdy kid.

I'm supposed to spend time with him.

He's my special friend.

What am I, laundry lint?

Alfonso, this kid needs me.

He's not my friend, he's my client.

Well, even doctors take Wednesday off for golf.

You can take an off for miniature golf.

Alfonso, you seem to be having a hard time

coping with the fact that I'm involved

in some very important work.

Fine. Great.

There's a lot of guys who'd like to play basketball.

You're getting your feelings out.

Good, good. Go with that.

Yeah, I'll go with it. Right out the door.

Alfonso!

Clear case of separation anxiety.

[KNOCKING THE DOOR]

Come in.

Son, are you about ready for school?

Yeah, almost.

You and Alfonso patched things up?

No. Alfonso is just gonna have to deal with his--

I don't wanna be too technical.

His own insecurities.

You know, Alfonso's your best friend.

Don't you think maybe you're being

a little insensitive to his feelings?

He can handle it.

I see, and if he can't, he can hang around

with you and you'll fix him, right?

Dad, I have a gift,

and I have to use it.

Son, I think it's great

that you're interested in psychology

and that you wanna help people,

but you think you might getting--

I don't wanna be too technical here.

--a swelled head?

A swelled head?

Not really.

Dad, when I first met Mark he was a mess.

Now he's getting along with other kids,

and he doesn't ditch school anymore.

I see.

I've turned his life around.

Hey! Hey!

Mark! What are you doing here?

I must've dozed off.

Or this is an incredibly life-like dream.

How did you get in here?

You've been here all day, haven't you?

You ditched school! Oh, Rick, don't be mad.

Mark, you promised.

Look, the time I spent here was much more useful.

When you hear why I ditched, you'll thank me.

Remember how you said your soccer team

needed some new plays?

We could stand a few.

Well, I heard the Cosmos

keep all their plays on a computer.

Well, it took me all day,

but I finally figured out their access code.

Know what it is? "Kick me." [LAUGHS]

Don't give me any ideas.

Here's their playbook.

You know, Mark, I'm very disappointed in you.

Not only did you break our pack by ditching school,

you did something illegal.

This is the playbook of the Cosmos.

This is the playbook of the Cosmos!

I knew you'd appreciate it sooner or later.

I'm experiencing what we in the trade

call "mixed emotions".

Don't worry. I'll go to school tomorrow.

Mark, you just can't go to school

whenever you feel like it.

Boy, that's gratitude.

I spent my whole day busting my tail for you.

That doesn't warrant ditching school.

What am I gonna do with you?

You know what I wish?

I wish you were more like a computer.

Just keeps me company and does what I want.

I want it, I turn it on. I don't, I just turn it off.

Mark, you can't expect people to be like machines.

People have feelings and emotions,

and all that other humanly stuff.

Oh, excuse me, Mr. Deep-Feelings.

Let me just leave you with this. I heard somewhere

that psychologists have one

of the highest nervous breakdown rates.

Food for thought.

Okay, I-- I'm finished.

[SIGHS] But you moved a lot.

Oh, now, come on, no excuses. Let's see it.

EDWARD: I didn't move that much.

DR. SCOTT [ON RADIO]: So remember to buy Sanchez pantyhose

for the well-adjusted look.

We have time for one last quick call.

You know, we should hang this in the library.

Hello, this is Dr. Scott.

RICK [ON RADIO]: Hello. I'm a fellow therapist.

My name is...

Bernard.

DR. SCOTT: What's your problem, Bernard?

RICK: Well, I was helping this kid

and I thought I had him turned around.

But now he's back to cutting classes.

I feel like a failure.

DR. SCOTT: Well, you have to realize that, whether we like it or not,

some things are out of our control.

Please call again. RICK: But I'm not--

Until tomorrow, this is doctor--

Sounded pretty upset. Yeah, sure did.

I think I better have a talk with Bernard.

Bernard?

You heard?

I'm so embarrassed. I'm so humiliated.

How did I sound?

Great.

But troubled.

Oh, I'm sure even Freud has bad days.

I'm sure some days he'd wake up

and say, "Ach, du lieber!

I don't think I can get up und face another couch."

Dad, I was so close to solving Mark's problems.

What went wrong? I can't figure it out.

Son, you can't be responsible for everything Mark does.

You can offer help, whether or not he takes it is up to him.

But I know I can help him.

Up till now I've been working wonders.

Maybe you ought to talk this over

with your supervisor.

Maybe you're in over your head.

There's always gonna be some kids

that you can't help.

I haven't met one yet.

Dad, I'm gonna give it another sh*t with Mark.

So I guess you're not gonna take my advice, huh?

Dad, no offense, but you didn't take Peer Counseling 101.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I know why you asked me over here.

You do? Yeah.

You're gonna tell me

you're gonna fire me as your friend.

No, I'm not.

No, I know. You're gonna bawl me out again.

I wasn't gonna do that either.

You're gonna tell the people at school what I did.

I would never do that.

Then why did you ask me over?

I asked you over because I wanted to try

and work this out and remain friends.

That's a heck of way to talk to a friend.

You know what I think, Mark?

I think you've been trying to fake your way through this.

Okay, I'll admit it. I've been trying to charm you.

Yeah, I know.

"Sure, Rick, I'm going to school.

Sure, Rick, I'm thinking of saying hello to people."

Baloney! You haven't tried to change one bit.

What about you? You've been pretending to be nice to me.

Good, good. Go with that.

Who do you think you are anyway?

The magic prince of mental health?

I've given up a lot of time to help you.

Yeah, and I bet you felt so good about that.

Help the little buddy with his little problem.

It was so easy, right?

Everything comes easy for Rick Stratton.

Nice house, terrific father.

I bet at night he walks in and tucks you in.

We do it differently in my house.

At night, my father staggers around,

passes out, and I tuck him in.

Now, go with that.

What?

My father is a drunk.

An alchie, a boozer.

A first-class, grade-A alcoholic.

I had no idea.

You acted like you knew it all.

You don't know anything about me.

You told me all those terrific things about your dad.

They were lies.

I was here for you. Why didn't you tell me?

I'm telling you now. What do you suggest?

Okay, what you should do is--

You could call--

I don't know what to tell you.

Guess I'm out of my league on this one.

I've only had one course in peer counseling.

Better talk this over with Miss Pikes.

You're right.

I'm not the magic prince of mental health.

Don't feel bad.

You did the best job you could.

Sure.

And here's something.

I never told anyone the truth about my father before.

And that's a big help.

But I don't know what you should do.

Well, one day, on my computer,

I tapped into this community bulletin board.

There was this notice

about this organization called Alateen.

It's this group for kids whose parents are alcoholics.

Maybe I'll check it out.

But I don't need you for that stuff.

What do you need me for?

Well...

just to be my friend.

Come on, Alfonso.

Let's go play some one-on-one on the playground.

Yeah. Maybe later we can drop by the hangout.

Sure.

It's been a while since you've been down there.

Some of the old g*ng went on to college.

I'm sorry, Alfonso.

I guess I got a little carried away,

but I found something out about myself.

I wasn't as brilliant as I thought I was.

I could've told you that.

Well, I'm still gonna be seeing Mark, but...

I'm just not gonna be solving all his problems.

I'm glad to see you guys are friends again.

You know, Dr. Scott says

friendship is essential for comfort plus support.

And was that pantyhose?

It came to me in a flash.

The solution to the Communist Block.

Come here. Over here in the light.

Now, you see, you hold it up like this,

and then you throw that dumb thing

as far as it'll go!

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