04x17 - Pin the Tail on the Dukes

[bunniefuu]

'Yee-haw!'

'What you're lookin' at is
a reunion about to happen.'

The Dukes are meetin' the
bus, which is bringing over

Jesse's old friend, Hector
Farley back to Hazzard.

Old Hector been a
guest at the government

for about ten years now.

That is, he's been
doing time in the pokey.

- Ha-ha.
- What you laughing at?

Cletus is behind us.

We hardly doing
miles an hour.

Good morning, Cletus. It's nice
to see you so bright and early.

But, uh, we ain't got no
time to play tag, alright.

Well, I'm not playing games
either, y'all crossed over

that double-yellow-line.

That's a no-no.

What?

Cletus, this here
is a dirt road.

There ain't double-yellow-line
on a dirt road.

Oh-ho-ho, yes there is. It
was painted this mornin'.

So, pull over.

Alright, we're gonna pull
over, good buddy, but listen

there's a beautiful
spot just up ahead.

- Yeah, where's that?
- Hazzard Pond.

Hazzard Pond?

You thought you'd get me to
drive in that pond, didn't you?

Well, I fooled ya.

I didn't fall off the turnip
truck, you know. I stopped.

Stopped..

That means they kept going.

Dagnammit! I lost 'em again.

Meanwhile, Boss Hogg
is about to show Rosco

the latest gimmick to
enforce law and order.

O-oh, we can always use help.

- So, looky-looky-looky.
- O-oh-ho.

What do you think of this?

That's the very latest
to scientific know-how.

O-oh! I love it. I
love it. What is it?

- It's a radar g*n. You dodo.
- O-oh, radar.

Yeah, the State Highway
Commission give us..

Uh, that is give me
$ , to get a hold

of the best radar
equipment money can buy.

Let me tell you something,
that radar g*n right there

is the very best money can buy.

- No, it ain't.
- It ain't.

It's the cheapest money can buy.

Boss! Boss!

You know, there's nothing
in there, but a hairdryer.

- Yes, disguised as a radar g*n.
- Radar g*n.

And I got this one for
cleaning. Ha-ha-ha.

Boss... listen,
leave it that way.

I hate to tell you, but
you know that there ain't

a hairdryer that was ever
built that's worth $ , .

You know something. You have
been snookered out of $ , .

No, I ain't been
snookered out of $ , .

But the State Highway
Commission has.

- It has?
- Mm-hmm.

- Ha-ha.
- Oh, you mean... you little..

What we can do is
we pocket the $ ,

and nobody will be the wiser.

Uh-uh. I pocket that $ ,

so you ain't gettin' any
wiser thinkin' you do.

You take them radar g*ns and
you get Cletus and you get out there

and you blow-dry
yourselves some revenue.

'Go easy.'

'Nevermind.'

There he is. Hello,
Hector. Welcome home.

That's old Hector Farley.

Hector used to be a man

that went nowhere
without a smile on his face.

But ten years in prison can
take the starch out of a smile.

I sure wanna thank you, Jesse

for all the letters you
sent me over the years.

Oh, that was nothing,
Hector. Nothing.

Wrong, old friend,
it was something.

When I read 'em, they
gave me hope for the future

just when I was losin'
the heart to go on, Jesse.

Oh-oh, now, Hector, Hector.
Say, hello to Daisy, here.

This is little
Luke and little Bo.

Hey, Boss, look at these.
Don't these look real?

Come on, now. Don't you
play with that. Put them in there.

Now, Jesse, where
do I find me J.D. Hogg?

Oh-oh, now, Hector,
let's go on over to the farm

and get you all
straightened out.

There's plenty of time.

I already done
plenty of time, Jesse.

'J.D. owes me for my
farm and you know that.'

What's the matter, Boss?
You like you got a vapor lock.

- He's out of jail.
- Huh?

- Rosco, he's out of jail.
- Who?

Over there with the Dukes.
Look. Hector Farley. Yeah, yeah.

'Remember that partner of mine
who wound up in the hoosegow?'

He's come back
to claim the land.

- He said, I stole from him.
- Well, didn't you?

- You couldn't prove it.
- That's a dumb question.

I foreclosed on his land
fair and square. Didn't I?

- Well...
- I thought I did.

What's the difference?

Just get over there
and arrest him.

I want that man behind bars.

Well, enough of
this. Let's get your...

J.D., you varmint.
You and I got business.

Wait a minute.

We've got business.

Alright, Hector,
hold it right...

I'm sorry, I didn't mean...

Rosco, Rosco, there's a charge.

You arrest him for
knocking down an officer.

- Who?
- You.

Me. Oh, me. Of course.
Alright, you're under arrest.

Rosco, that was an
accident, and you know it.

- Yeah, we all saw it that way.
- That's the truth, Boss.

Never mind what
you think you saw.

Put out your hands. We'll
cuff ya and take you to jail.

Jail? I spent enough time
in jail. I ain't goin' to jail.

You can't make me. No, no, no.

Come on, get him.
Come on, get him.

I don't think I can
catch him. He's quick.

Look, there he goes
into Rhuebottom's van.

Rosco, you got no case against
Hector for knocking you down.

You got in his way.

'Yeah, we'll all
testify against you.'

You wanna testify against the
charges of him stealing the van?

- Now, that's good thinking.
- I know.

You're sure using that little
thing on your neck. Go get him.

'Freeze! Hey, hey, you just..'

No telling how long
Hector's gonna to stay in jail

if Rosco catches
him in that van.

That's only if Rosco
catches him before we do.

Hurry up!

We're hot pursuit.

What are you doing?
Come back here.

You guys think I'm gonna go..

Now, old Hector ain't lost his
touch behind that wheel none.

sh**t. You all should've seen
old Hector a few years back.

He can make those
Hazzard ridges smoke.

Ooh, there goes the General.

Hey, nice move, cuz.

Let's show Uncle Jesse
our latest maneuver

for getting Rosco
goin' the wrong way.

- Alright.
- Not so sure I wanna see it.

Chestnut Creek Road is dead
ahead. Hang on, Uncle Jesse.

Ooh!

Down at the pool hall they
call that a Hazzard bank.

Works on the roads, too.

We better catch up to
Hector pretty quick, come on.

'What you fellas
stopping me for?'

You wanna see 'em put
me back in the hoosegow?

Hector was down right vexed.

Ten years in jail
and finally gettin' out

the day was sure turning sour.

The Dukes explained they
plan to get him off the hook

for taking the van.

Uncle Jesse, you
take him back, alright.

Wait here a sec.

Jesse took off to
the farm with Hector.

The boys headed back to
town to return Rhuebottom's van.

With ol' Rosco hard on the
trail like a blue tick hound

after a fat possum.

Oh, what a slide.
Here we got him..

Alright.

Hector, I got you..

Heck you're not Hector.

Can't fool you.

You Duke boys, listen.

Doesn't make any difference I-I
wanna arrest you two, anyway.

- What's the charge?
- We ain't done nothing wrong.

Well, you stole this van.
Well, Hector stole this van.

You stole it from Hector,
which makes you stealing it

from the stealee.

Doesn't make any difference.
Come on. I'm arresting you.

Howdy, Bo, Luke? How you doing?

Hey, Mr. Rhuebottom.

How y'all to you,
sheriff? What's going on?

I'll tell you what's going
on. These two stole this van.

Don't look stolen to me.
It's right here where I left it.

- Listen, Rhuebarb...
- It's Rhuebottom.

Will you hush? I know who
he is. I've known him for years.

Are you gonna press
charges on them or not?

Against these boys? Never!

Can't press charges
against your best customers.

You do that, you press
yourself right out of business.

How would you like me to
press those five up against..

Much obliged, Mr. Rhuebottom.

My pleasure, boys.

Come on down, chew
the fat with me sometime.

Yes, sir.

Nobody wants to
be involved. Do they?

I'll be involved one day.

We must live right.

It's a charmed
life, I'm telling ya.

There comes Cooter. You think
we can wrangle a ride home?

Only if we feed
him. What's the bet?

- Winner does dishes.
- You're on.

- Okay. Hey, hold on.
- Cooter!

Hey, can we wrangle a ride home?

Who's cooking supper?

Told you, only if we feed him.

Alright, you do the
dishes. Get in here.

Hey, don't you know it
ain't safe to be a pedestrian?

Come on.

What do you mean
I do the dishes?

The next day the boys
were on their way into town

to pick up some barbed wire.

That's the same time
Rosco was waiting to break in

his new hairdryer.

A fake radar g*n on his
first unsuspecting motorist.

Y'all wanna take
bets on who that'll be?

'Here comes somebody.'

I love ambush.

Oh, good news, good
news. It's them Duke boys.

Alright!

I done scuffed it. Idjit.

They wouldn't
know the difference.

Alright.

- What's Rosco pointing at us?
- Looks like a radar g*n.

'It's a good one so he
can tell we ain't speeding.'

I'm on fire. I'm on fire.

That's just... humongous.

Rosco has bad
luck with machinery.

All the same trying to fix
coffee in an electric pot.

You done stuffed my hairdryer.
Now, you're in hot water.

O-oh, we'll get 'em, boy!

What does Rosco want?

Alright, Rosco,
what is it this time?

Better not be that radar g*n

because you know dang
well we wasn't speeding.

Well, that give you no cause
to blow up my radar g*n.

And listen, that's
county property now.

'And I'm gonna arrest
you for blowin' it up.'

We didn't blow up your
radar g*n. You're making itup.

Oh, do tell. You let
the judge judge that.

Now pull over. I'm serious.

Fine place to lose him. We
can talk this thing over someday.

- What the heck's he talking?
- One lost Rosco coming up.

They ain't pullin' over.

I mean it. Pull it over. Get it?

'Alright, you want hot pursuit.
We'll give you hot pursuit.'

'Scuff my uniform.'

Blow up my hairdryer.

- Is that what I think it is?
- 'Yup.'

I'm serious, them Duke
boys, they gone too far.

Hang on.

I don't know 'bout y'all

but I'm wonderin' why
the road is blocked.

Now, I know why
the road was blocked.

Oh, I know that was
a horrendous crash.

- Looks like he's alright.
- Yeah.

You know, I swear
he's driving better.

'He ain't good yet.
But he's better.'

Bad news. Bad news.

Look what them Duke
boys did to that radar g*n.

- Oh, it's a mess.
- Oh, it's a mess.

- You're mad too, aren't you?
- No, I ain't mad.

- Oh, then you must be sick.
- No, I ain't sick neither.

I thought you were, from
eating all these doughnuts...

Oh-oh-oh!

No, siree, Bob. I'm
happy as a clam.

- You are?
- Mm-hmm.

- You wanna know why.
- Yeah, why?

There are two reasons.

One is, we got rid
of Hector Farley.

Yeah, he's afraid of me.

Turned out to be a
mouse in sheep's clothing.

Regular scardey cat.

- And reason number two.
- You lost twenty pounds?

- I may get angry.
- I'm sure. I didn't..

Reason number two, thanks to you

we can lay the
blame for destroying

that so-called radar
equipment on them Duke boys.

Oh, goody-goody for me.

Alright, get on that CBPDQ
with an ADB to Cletus.

Oh, yes. Let's get on that
CB with a, with a PDU..

What's an ADB?

- You don't know what it is?
- I've no idea.

Why, that's an
"All Dukes Bulletin."

Get away from me!

Uh, Cletus, this is your head
honcho, Rosco P. Coltrane.

'You got your ears on?'

'Yeah, I'm right here, sheriff.

This so-called
radar g*n is neat.

'Cletus, will you just hush?'

Now, listen, those Duke
boys, they have done destroyed

some county property, so
they're on the wanted list.

- Is that a big - ?
- You bet.

Maybe Rosco wasn't
shucking and jiving.

Maybe we did blow
up that radar g*n.

- Don't see how?
- Me, neither.

A mighty fine spread
you got here, Jesse.

Thank you, Hector.

Might have had one
this good myself by now.

- If..
- If, if? No "if's" about it.

You're gonna get your place
back, you just wait and see.

Meantime, you just stay
on here with us until you do.

You're welcome.

Thanks, Jesse, that's
mighty kind of you.

You know, I've been
giving that some thought.

What I think we best do is
go on over to the courthouse

and look into them
papers of foreclosure.

Imagine by this time though,
they're probably be up to..

Hey... where are you going?

I'm gonna have it
out with J.D. right now.

Hector, you can't do that.

Jesse told the boys about
Hector steaming off to town

in the pickup to see
Boss with fire in his eyes.

'There's no telling what he
might do if he gets to J.D.'

He'll probably do
something he'll be sorry for.

Now, are you boys close
enough to town to try to stop him?

Then Luke told Jesse
about the run-in with Rosco

over the radar equipment.

Well, in that case, you
better not go into town.

Hector could be in a lot
more trouble than we are.

We'll see what we
can do. Over and out.

So, the boys in spite of their
predicament, took off for town

to stop Hector before
he got into trouble

while ol' Hector was comin'
after Boss with ten years

head of steam built up.

Bo, stay hid, will ya?

No way we're gonna see
him come into town from here.

We could see him
from up there though.

- Bring the General around.
- Alright.

I'm gonna get myself
a hot fudge sundae.

Yeah?

Hey, Bo.

Bo, I see Hector.

Listen, bring the
General around the front.

You got it.

That's a good
idea. I'm thinkin'..

'Do you see what I see?'

- 'What did you... '
- 'It's Hector!'

- Yeah, it's Hector.
- He's gonna k*ll me.

He's gonna k*ll me. Protect me!

Yeah, you just watch it.

Come on. Get on over here.

Alright. Jump off..

Get in..

Come on in. Get in there.

Alright. Get out of here.

You know somethin'?

I have never seen anythin'
like that in my whole life.

Yes, friends, they got some
original means of transport

in Hazzard.

You know the part I like best?

Was when he grabbed
that rope and he..

- You ain't at circus, are you?
- No.

You just get after 'em while
I'm still in one piece. Go on.

This time, they've gone too far.

Well, the boys now

had the charge of
destroying county property

a hair dryer and aiding
an' abettin' ol' Hector.

I'm telling you

the streets just ain't
safe nowhere anymore.

You can't get away from
ol' Rosco P. Coltrane.

You ain't got another thing.

Listen, cuz, we're headed
towards Briarwood Junction now.

Gotcha, cuz.

You take the upper road,
and I'll go the other way.

Rosco can't go
both ways at once.

Bo went right
and Luke went left.

And poor ol' Rosco
couldn't make up his mind

which way to go.

Oh!

Hang on, Hector.

Holy smoke, flying General.

Howsomever

the boys forgot that them
two roads come back together

right sudden.

Whoa!

- You alright, Hector?
- I-I'm, yeah. I think so.

As for Rosco, he had
a choice of two ways

or goin' back to startin' over.

So he went back. It
was lunch time anyway.

Hector, Hector, Hector.
I'm ashamed of you.

Why, all the years I've known ya

you haven't
harmed a livin' soul.

And yet, if my boys
hadn't stopped you...

I didn't mean J.D.
no bodily harm, Jesse.

- Just wanna talk to him.
- Just talk to him, sure.

'But you know when
you're on parole'

'you can't have
them fits of temper.'

- I'm sorry.
- Yeah, you're sorry.

And besides that, the
boys here are on probation.

And now, Rosco's
tryin' to frame them

for destroyin'
county property now.

Well, I said I was sorry,
Jesse. It won't happen again.

Thank you, boys, for keeping
me from doing something foolish.

It's alright, Hector.
Just forget it.

Don't know why Uncle Jesse's
making a big deal out of it.

What are y'all gonna do about
that so-called radar g*n charge

that Rosco's got on you?

- Heck, Daisy, I don't know.
- So-called.

That's the words Cletus used
when he was talkin' about it.

- Roscoe shushed him up.
- What, so-called?

- Yeah.
- So what?

We owe ourselves a look at
one of them so-called radar g*ns.

Well, hey, Cletus has got one.

'Where will we start
looking for him?'

I suppose we better try
his favorite speed traps.

- Come on.
- Alright.

- We'll fix it, y'all. I hope.
- See ya later.

- Roscoe.
- Mm-hmm.

I'm sick and tired of you
saying, "I'm sorry, Boss"

every time them Duke
boys get away from you.

I'm sorry, Boss, that I'm
always sayin', "I'm sorry, Boss."

- Oh!
- And another thing.

The next time that Hector
Farley comes attackin' me

it's your job to lay your
body down there in front of me

and take what's meant for me.

Instead of lettin' him push
you all around like he did earlier.

- Got that?
- Yeah, I got that.

Lemme ask you a question.
You got another razor?

- Huh?
- I'm covered with soap.

I might as well shave.

Hold this and just
forget about that.

- Because I gotta think.
- What?

I gotta think.

Hector Farley and the Duke boys.

- Yeah.
- You know?

Wouldn't it be just
wonderful, wonderful

if I could get 'em all out
of my hair all at once?

It makes my mouth water.

You know somethin',
them Duke boys

they've saved
Hector's hide twice now.

- The mirror, please.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

It seems to me that the
Duke boys are more interested

in keepin' Hector out of
trouble than they are themselves.

- That's it!
- Ooh! Missed.

'You missed. Ha ha.'

Will you just hush
up and listen?

We can use Hector
as a bait, you see?

To bring them Duke
boys out into the open.

- And then you can nab 'em.
- Good.

Plus, we can send Hector
back into jail for grand theft.

Back in with grand..

Grand theft? How
are we gonna do that?

Well, look, the county payroll

is due to be handed
out today at City Hall.

And, guess who's gonna
rob me in broad daylight

in front of the whole town?

Don't tell me. Uh, let me guess.

- Gimme a little clue.
- Hector Farley.

- Hector Farley.
- Yeah.

- I got it right off.
- Alright.

Why would Hector
do such a stupid thing?

- Why?
- Yeah.

Because he's gonna
think that I'll give him back

the $ , land money I
owe him to buy a new farm.

Oh, muffin. You're brilliant.

- I just love it.
- Will you stop that?

Now, here's the way
I got it figured, Hector.

We just sit tight until
we get the corn crop in.

Then we take the
money from the corn crop

and we get you the best
lawyer that money can buy

to get your land back..

From J.D.

Hello.

Who?

Oh, yes! Yes, he is, hold on!

Who is it, girl?

It's Boss Hogg, and
it's for you, Hector.

- J.D.?
- Yes.

I don't care what you gotta
say about anything, J.D.

until you hear me out first.

No, no, you listen to me.

I wanna give you
back your money.

- You what?
- That's right, Hector.

I thought it over real hard.

And you know, my
conscience won't let me rest

until I give you the
$ , I owe you

so you can buy yourself
another hunk of land.

The whole $ , ?

'Yeah, the whole $ , .'

I know I'll sleep better tonight

if I wipe the slate
clean between us.

I don't know what to say.

Oh, well, there's
nothing for you to say.

You just meet me in front of the
county courthouse in minutes.

I'll have your money waitin'.

Bye, old friend.

What was that all about, Hector?

Jesse, thank you for
the offer of the lawyer

but J.D.'s gonna gimme
the money to buy some land.

Says his conscience told him to.

I'm meeting him
at the courthouse.

Now, just a minute, Hector.

- That don't sound right to me.
- That's for sure.

Boss Hogg ain't got
no conscience, Hector.

The man sounded
sincere enough to me.

Now, don't you try to
stop me again, Jesse.

Here, give, that man's nuts!

Hector, let's just
talk this thing over.

- No more talking.
- You're making a big mistake.

Come on! Let's go catch him.

He took the keys. There's
another set in the house.

You see if you can find 'em
and I'll get the boys on the CB.

I've always wondered
how them radar g*ns work.

'Do you see him doing
what I think he's doing?'

That ain't no radar g*n.

Looks like a hair dryer to me.

What the heck does
he need that for?

Hard to say. Dang!

'Shepherd to Lost Sheep.
You boys got your ears on?'

Jesse told the boys
about Boss' call to Hector

and Hector heading
for the courthouse

to meet Boss for his money.

I tell you

the smell of a rat is awful
heavy on the Hazzard air.

Looks to me like Boss
is tryin' to frame Hector.

That's the way I got it
figured. Here's what I think.

I think he's lurin'
Hector down there

to get you boys come out
in the open and grab you.

He's done it before. It's a
chance we're gonna have to take.

Uh, good, good.

I'll meet y'all at the
courthouse steps.

- You drive.
- Okay.

What about that
there phony radar g*n?

We forget it for
now. Come on, get in.

Daisy found the other
set of keys to the pickup

and she and Uncle
Jesse headed for town

to see what help they could be.

Hey, Boss.

What makes you
think that the Duke boys

and Hector are gonna be here?

Well, Hector wants his land
money back real bad, don't he?

Yeah.

Them Duke boys,
being creatures of habit

they sure wanna help
their friends, don't they?

- Ooh! Oh, yeah.
- Well, then, they'll show.

Don't worry about that.
You remember what to do?

Oh, yeah. When Hector
comes over and takes the box

then I cuff him and arrest him
for stealin' the county payroll.

When the Duke boys show up,
we get the whole kit and caboodle.

Whole kit and caboodle.

Mm-hmm.

I got your land money
right here, Hector.

Come and get it.

Oh, here comes the Duke boys.

'Hector, Hector.' 'Get
in here. Come on.'

Go get 'em, Rosco.
Come on. No, no, wait..

Wait a minute. You
were supposed to..

Get after 'em! Get
after 'em, will you?

Go on. That's it.

Dang!

Sorry, I had to manhandle
you like that, Hector.

You brothers, turn this thing
around and take me back to town.

- Hector, you wanna go to jail?
- Jail?

That's exactly where you was
headed if Boss have his way.

J.D. was about to
give me my land money

in case you're interested.

Boss Hogg was about to
give you the county payroll.

A big red box. Everybody in
the county knows it by sight.

You touch it and he would've
had you in prison for life.

You ain't foolin'?
You wouldn't fool me.

Dang! I knowed was
too good to be true.

And now I got you two fellas
in trouble with the law again.

Don't worry about that.

We've been in trouble with
Rosco before and we'll be again.

Along about this time

a truck was heading through
Hazzard for the first time.

That driver didn't
have a clue about

Hazzard's drivin' conditions.

Hang on, Hector.
Here we go again.

- That was close.
- 'Bo, Duke, you are too much.'

- Oh, Bo.
- What?

- Bo.
- Oh, my gosh!

Hang on.

I'm hangin'.

How do you do that twice?

There is only two
trucks in Hazzard, right?

Oh, no. Get, get out.

Get that truck out.

Ooh, get away, get away.

Next time I see Hogg, I'll
take that lily white hat of his

and shove it right
down his throat.

I don't mean no disrespect, but
me and Bo sure would appreciate

if you steer clear
of Boss for a while.

At least until we're out of
this mess, okay? Please.

I can't promise that fellas.

I got my self-respect
to think about.

In that case, we're just
gonna have to keep you with us

until we get our things
straightened out. Alright?

- Alright.
- No, no, no, fellas...

No, Hector, just sit
back and enjoy the ride.

What? How-how..

The boys started back to
where Cletus was with that

phony radar g*n hair dryer
that they needed as evidence

to clear themselves.

We're sure Cletus ain't
gonna show us that thing

to prove it ain't real.

There is a certain pretty
somebody that he might

show it to, if he thought
he scared her with it.

Lost Sheep calling the Shepherd
and Country Cousin. Come back.

After telling Jesse and Daisy
that Hector was with them

ol' Luke then laid out his plan
to Daisy on how she and Jesse

could help them get that
phony radar g*n from Cletus.

Well, let's try speed
trap number two.

That'll be back thataway.

And they headed
out to do just that.

Well, there's Daisy
and Uncle Jesse.

- Cletus!
- Cletus Hogg.

What, are you pointin' a
g*n at Uncle Jesse and me?

Why would you wanna
sh**t your friends?

sh**t? sh**t y'all?
I wouldn't sh**t y'all.

I wouldn't sh**t a fly.

You were pointin' somethin'
that looked like a g*n

and it wasn't
your finger, Cletus.

Maybe y'all are
thinkin' about this.

It may look like some kinda
g*n, but it's just a radar g*n.

- A radar g*n?
- Yeah, sort of.

A radar g*n. Oh, my goodness!

I've never seen
one of these things.

- Let's go.
- Alright.

- Come on...
- Lemme show it to Uncle...

- Daisy, come on.
- Uncle Jesse.

Daisy, outside.

- There you go.
- Nice pass, Uncle Jesse.

I don't get it.

Why would Boss dress up a
blow dryer to look like a radar g*n?

So that he can keep the
money state gives him

to buy real ones.

So he can frame us
for stealin' somethin'

he never even paid for.

We didn't really steal
that one off Rosco's.

We just ruined it, I guess.

I ain't the only one
J.D.'s been rippin' off.

- Nope.
- Heck no.

To find the people
he's been ripping off

you might as well go through
the Hazzard phone record.

I bet you, I bet you.

Cousin Boss, this is Cletus.
Bo and Luke got the radar g*n.

What?

When Boss found out from Cletus

that the Duke boys got a
hold of that phony radar g*n

he knew he had a problem.

- Did you hear that?
- What?

Oh, dang blast it!

Yeah, this is J.D. Hogg
calling Bo and Luke Duke.

'You boys got your ears on?'

Right here, Boss. You got
somethin' on your mind?

Have I got somethin' on my mind?

Yeah, I got
somethin' on my mind.

What are y'all doin'
with my, my radar g*n?

That hair dryer, you mean?

We thought the State Highway
Commission might wanna

peruse it at their
leisure, huh, unless...

Unless, unless,
unless, unless what?

Unless you drop all the
charges against me and Bo.

That's tellin' him, Luke.

Yeah, Boss, listen,
there's also a little matter

of a dear friend
of ours, Hector.

Listen, you gotta give him back
all that land money you owe him.

- 'Oh.'
- In front of witnesses, Boss.

And them witnesses
would be me and Daisy, J.D.

'We'll be there.'

The whole kitten
caboodle's out there.

Alright, alright,
alright. It's a deal.

Whoo! Uncle Jesse.

You just deliver that radar,
hair dryer thing whatever it is.

You deliver it to me personal

right in front of the
courthouse as soon as you can.

And I'll drop all charges.

Uh, plus, I'll give Hector
back all his land money.

'Yeah, so get it over here,
I'll be waitin', ya hear?'

Looks like we're back
in business, Hector.

- Take her back to town, Bo.
- Boys, I'm mighty grateful.

Ordinarily, this story would've
a happily ever-after ending

for the Dukes just about now.

Except for one thing

that everybody was
suddenly forgettin'.

And that was how bad Boss
was about keeping any promises.

Alright, Boss, here's
our end of the bargain.

Oh, good. And here's my
end of the bargain. Nothing!

- Cletus, do what I told you.
- Right.

You promised to do right
by Hector here and the boys.

Oh, did I? Jesse, you
know I never promise nothin'

unless I spit and shake on it.

How are you gonna
spit and shake on phone?

Jesse, just quit
jawin', will you?

Cletus, you just
clamp 'em in the pokey.

Rosco, you c'mon now, we
got a little errand to go on.

- Over to Hazzard's Swamp.
- Zip. C'mon, c'mon.

Hazzard's Swamp.

What better place to
throw a phony radar g*n

and get rid of the evidence.

There's goes any chance I
had of getting my land money.

Oh, we just gotta stop 'em.

If everybody's through
talking, can we go?

Cletus, just stop
waving that thing around.

It don't have no
b*ll*ts in it anyways.

- 'Is that so?'
- No, it don't.

No, no, Cletus. I can see
there's no b*ll*ts in there.

It does. I keep five,
six in there all the time.

Here, lemme see. Yeah.

Freeze!

Freeze! Come back
here. It's not funny.

I tell you, that boy
just ain't too swooft.

Why does this happen to me?

We're coming to the
end of a perfect day.

- Oh, perfect.
- Yeah.

You know, I got
the Duke boys in jail.

Plus, Hector Farley in jail.

Plus, no chance of losin'
'em , Simoleans

once this here phony radar g*n

disappears into Hazzard Swamp.

Yeah. Right in
the muck and mire.

We'll never catch him.

Don't you worry, Hector.

Rosco, I'm so
happy, I could whistle.

- What do you wanna hear?
- Uh..

Wait, I'm gonna give you my
own special rendition of Dixie.

Ooh, it's my favorite.

Sounds like you got pickle in
your pucker. That's not good.

'It ain't me, ya dodo.
It's them Duke boys.'

- 'What?'
- 'They got away.'

- It's them Duke boys.
- Dang blast them!

Thanks to you, blabbermouth.

They know we're headed
for Hazzard's Swamp.

Well, step on it before
they cut us off. C'mon!

Put your heel to the steel.

Boss, it's pedal to the metal.

Oh, whatever. Move
it, move it. Come on.

Blast 'em.

Those Duke boys
aren't the only one

with a trick up their sleeve.

- Hold on.
- Yeah.

- What's he doin'?
- I don't know.

Y'all, alright?

Yeah, we're fine. This
dang thing stalled out on me.

You fellas go on.
We'll try to catch up.

sh**t! Rosco is probably
miles ahead of us by now.

There's that shortcut
straight ahead. C'mon.

'I'll catch up
with you if I can.'

- There it goes.
- There we go.

Let's get movin'

because I just wanna get this
thing over to Hazzard's Swamp.

Well, it's just right
around the bend there.

'Alright, now pull over,
pull over. That's it.'

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, Boss.

- Let me fling it.
- Yeah.

Listen, I used to throw for
the Hazzard Pony League.

Alright, alright. But
throw it as far as you can.

Because I want it to go
right smack in the middle.

So it will sink deep down.

Listen, this sucker ain't
never gonna stop. Watch this.

Go on, go on.

- Would you throw it now?
- I like to warm up a second.

You know you can throw
your arm out doing this, this..

'Oh, dang, Luke.
We're too late.'

Hold on. We still got a chance.

Now, when I say go

you put that accelerator
all the way to the floor.

Just pray Rosco still
got a good throwin' arm.

C'mon.

- Well..
- C'mon.

I gotta get my rhythm. Now here.

Now!

- Yee-haw!
- Oh, no.

- They just grabbed that..
- Dang!

Back in , Hazzard High

old Rosco threw two touchdowns..

At the wrong goal.

Wait a minute here.
Gimme that back.

That's government
property. C'mon, gimme that.

Not until you drop all charges.

- Alright, I drop 'em. Give me.
- Cross your heart.

- Cross my heart.
- And spit and bind.

Done!

Before Jesse gave
Boss back that radar g*n

he made Boss shake
hands ridge-runner style

to drop all charges
against the boys

return the State Highway
Commission money

they gave him for
real radar equipment

and pay Hector the land
money that he owed him.

Plus interest.

You shouldn't have.
Why, look at that.

We're gonna come out every
Tuesday and help you out.

But the best thing that
come out of all this rat killin'

was Hector's
realizin' that ten years

don't change good neighbors.

Especially if it
happen to be Dukes.

You know, I reckon that
applies to just about anybody.