05x02 - Dukes Strike it Rich

[bunniefuu]

Every day is hunting
season in Hazzard County

between the fox and the hound.

That means if you're a
Duke, well, you're a fox...

with Boss Hogg's deputies
playing the hounds.

Keep on it, coz.

Well, it's better than
some city jobs I know.

Coy, Vance, y'all
pull over right now.

Cousin Boss wants you arrested
for that unpaid traffic ticket.

The south gate of
the farm's just ahead.

If we make it,
we're off the hook.

Cletus, that ticket's a phony
and you and Enos know it!

No matter, by the time you
hear the end of what I'm saying...

we'll be on Duke land.

You can't come after
us without a warrant!

No warrant? He's right!

Y'all notice how Enos'
driving has got better

since he got back from the city?

Well, it's somewhat better.

- We're sorry, boys.
- You ought to be.

- That's gonna cost money to fix.
- How much do you reckon?

Well, Cletus, how
much is that ticket?

- Twenty-five dollars.
- Funny, ain't it, Vance?

Just what it'll cost
to fix that fence.

Amazing.

Look, I got it, Cletus.

Could you loan me
$ till tonight? I got a .

- Sorry.
- Slippery out there.

- I'm sorry, Coy.
- Here's .

- That's better.
- Twenty-five, right, Cletus?

So the deputies gave the
boys $ to pay for the fence.

And Vance gave it
back to pay for the ticket.

The government ought to do a
study on Hazzard's economics.

Let's get some timbers
and mend that fence.

Yeah. We don't
get over here much.

There's some timber right here.

Sure looks like one unhappy
lady there on the next property.

Yeah. Excuse me.

Don't mean to be butting in,
but is there anything we can do?

You can hang a man named
Hogg, that's what you can do.

Come on, cuz, we're gonna
hear us a familiar old story.

Yep.

They brought the young
couple, the Mortons, to the farm.

And their story was... Well,
Boss Hogg was involved and...

Well, you figure it out.

This place is
practically a dumpsite.

It don't look nothing
like that picture.

- Why did you buy it?
- We bought it without seeing it.

Hogg made it sound
like a beautiful farm.

- He sent that brochure.
- And you sent him your money?

All we had. We even
borrowed from Mama.

- Do you have the contract?
- No. Mr. Hogg kept it.

- He sent us only a bill of sale.
- That J.D.

Hey, Uncle Jesse.
Where you going?

I'm going to have a
heart-to-heart talk with J.D.

- Get the kids their money back.
- Uncle Jesse, let me and Coy go.

Why should I let you go?

You'll just get your
insides all riled up.

- What about your insides?
- Cast iron. Let's go, coz.

So, the boys took off to see

if they could get the Mortons'
money from Boss Hogg.

Which is in the same category
of getting blood from a turnip.

Or teeth from a chicken, or
putting socks on a rooster.

Listen, we got a
wonderful deal for you.

You can own your own
farm at fantastic prices.

Cross my heart, ma'am.

You don't have to drill
for water on that land...

no siree bob, it just squirts
right out of the ground at you.

And, ma'am, listen...

that land is so rich,
it pays its own taxes.

Hung up on us.

- I gotta find another one.
- Look under P's. I love peas.

- And tomatoes, and...
- Wait a minute.

What do you boys mean by
coming in here without knocking?

As long as you're
here, what do you want?

- A refund, sir, for the Mortons.
- Refund!

Refund! Don't you
ever use a word like that

in my presence. It's blasphemy.

What are trying to do, give
my fat buddy here a vapor lock?

You cheated those kids.

They sure looked old enough
to know what they wanted.

But you told them it
was good farmland.

- So it is.
- It's a swamp.

Well, then, let
them raise alligators.

Would you hush up?

Come on now, that was
a flat-out crooked deal!

Listen, them Morton
kids, as you call them...

signed both a contract
and a deed, all legal-like.

Can we take a
look at the contract?

No, you certainly can't.

On account of it's a
bona fide legal document...

which is gonna stay
locked up in my official files!

- Right there in the file.
- You just vamoose out of here...

before I have the
sheriff toss you

in the pokey for poking
your nose into this.

- That's the way out. Get out.
- And stay out!

Didn't you like
that knee slapper

"Let 'em raise alligators!"

Will you stop cackling and
get Cletus and Enos on the CB!

Tell them to tail the Duke
boys and report every move!

We gotta see how binding that
contract the Mortons signed is.

But Boss and
Rosco are practically

sitting on that file cabinet.

Hey. Maybe Cooter
will lend us a hand.

Okay.

- Alright. Lookie here now.
- Hey, Cooter.

Old Cooter'd been
done in by old Boss...

more times than there
was lies in Texas...

so he was more than proud to
help the Dukes decoy old Boss.

I'll take care of it,
don't worry about it.

Seems a couple of deputies we
know are keeping an eye on us.

Let's give them
something to look at.

Alright.

Watch out!

Here's one. This
ought to be an easy sell.

Listen to this name.
"Bledsoe." Hortense Bledsoe.

If that ain't a rich widow
lady, I'll eat my hat.

Boss, is there anything
wrong with your car?

Absolutely nothing.

- Why's Cooter towing it away?
- Because...

What?!

Cooter's towing it away there.

My car! Cooter's towing it away!

Come on, come on, after him!

Cooter! Where do
you think you're going?

Come back here!

Well, go after him.

Go after him, go after
him! Don't let him get away!

Get this thing
started, will you?

And so the dust was really
flying on them Hazzard roads...

because we got a little
double-header going here.

Go on, after him!

Enough of this hot
pursuit. Let's cool them off.

Gotcha!

Oh, no, you don't,
fellas! Not this time.

You think you're getting us
into that lake, you're crazy!

Oh, no!

We're gonna get wet, Cletus!

- Cletus.
- Now, look what you made me do!

- They're okay.
- Let's go!

- My lucky hat.
- Oh, your lucky hat.

You hit my lucky arm.

You made me do this. Boss's
gonna take it out of your pay.

Wait a minute,
Cletus, it's all your fault.

What's the matter with you?

Next time you
better let me drive.

- Lookie there.
- Let you drive?

He's a cute little
buddy, isn't he?

You stay out of this.

Or "ribbit" yourself.

I never heard of such a thing!

How can you talk to me like
that? I'm doing you a favor.

- Do me a favor?
- Yeah.

There's a factory recall on
that model, I gotta take it in.

My car? What kind of recall?

Defective
windshield-wiper blade.

You expect me to believe a
cock and bull story like that?

If you don't believe it, see if

it'll keep the rain
off your windshield.

How can I? It ain't raining!

Hey, wait a minute.

Sheriff Rosco.

Unit Two to Sheriff Rosco.

Come in, sheriff.

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane here.

Sheriff, we got some
bad news for you.

You lost the Duke boys.

- How did you know, sheriff?
- Them dumb dimwit deputies!

This is J.D. Hogg. Listen,
where did you lose them Dukes?

Well, we lost them. They
headed back toward...

I knew it. I knew it!

I can smell a polecat
already somewhere.

And I mean that
smell is overpowering.

You and them Dukes wanted
us out of town, didn't you?

That's why you
towed away my car!

What kind of fool
do you think I am?

Yeah, he's a fool.

Now, the boys wasn't
exactly breaking and entering.

They was trying
to keep the Mortons

from being swindled
out of their money.

They couldn't exactly
go to the authorities...

since they was the
ones doing the swindling.

Faster. Come on. Can't
you go any faster than this?

I didn't know you're in a hurry.

Well, I am, because them
Dukes is up to something.

Like I see it, I can smell it!

- Boss sure owns a ton of stuff.
- Sure does.

That's right. Come on,
now. Watch it, Sheriff!

Watch it! You
almost hit that truck.

- Well, you wanted me to hurry.
- All right, come on.

Boy, something's
going on here, I tell you.

I mean, that smell,
it's getting worse.

I got it. I got it!

"Party of the first part, Jeb
and Carrie Morton, agrees to..."

That's it. Come on, let's go.

Alright, freeze! Freeze, freeze.

I got you, I got you.

Anybody know a
slick, cheap lawyer?

Only place you're
going is to jail.

Yeah. And now you just hand
over that paper, real peaceful-like.

- Just fetch it on over here.
- Come on, come on.

- Come on. Give me, give me.
- Give it to us.

Alright. Give it to us.

Stop or I'll sh**t!

Let's go, partner.

Freeze, freeze!

Oh, no, look!

I can't get it started.

Alright, I'll give you a push.

I got it!

Rosco, I'm gonna get them
Duke boys if it's my last living act!

Give me my hat, let's go!

I wondered what happened to
you. I heard you stop yelling...

"The buyer agrees
he's purchasing

"the land sight unseen...

and can make no claim
that would void the sale."

Looks like them
poor kids are stuck.

Let's get back to the farm. See
if Uncle Jesse's got any ideas.

There go the Dukes!

Looks like old Rosco
dug himself out.

Hang on, cuz!

While old Boss and Rosco
was chasing the Dukes...

Enos and Cletus, after
they got out of the pond...

was heading right for
them, simultaneously.

Together. All at once.

You scared me.

Looks like Cletus and
Enos are out of the pond.

I'd have swore I just said that.

Cletus! Enos! Block the road.

Yes, sir, Mr. Hogg.

Now, don't that
look like a turnip

between two pieces
of white bread?

Well, I wanna thank you boys...

for bringing me back this
here contract in one piece.

Now, just make yourselves
nice and comfy in there.

Because you're gonna
be here a long, long time.

You ain't getting
away with this!

J.D., what kind of
trumped-up charges

you got against
these boys this time?

Ain't nothing trumped up, Jesse.

Breaking and
entering is serious.

Not to mention dumping
sand on a county vehicle...

and the occupants thereof.

I'm setting bail on
them boys so high

they'll be here till
the cows come home.

And the goats too.

What is it?

How much is the
bail? We'll pay it.

- Daisy, Uncle Jesse, no!
- Yeah, you go on home.

Well, I guess you boys
know what's best for you.

Uncle Jesse, we
can't leave them here.

Daisy, they'll take
their medicine.

I wanna talk to you a little bit
about those two young'uns...

that you finagled on
that land out there.

I haven't got time
for that, Jesse.

I ain't got no time
for your preaching.

J.D., you've done some
bad things in your life, but...

- Does that feel good?
- Rosco.

- Y'all got bugs in here.
- There's fleas in here, Rosco!

- There ain't no bugs in my cell.
- Yes, there is.

Listen, I know
Flash has a few fleas

and she's got a little problem.

- Is that flea powder?
- Yeah, that's flea powder.

- Can I have some?
- Quick, I'm losing my mind!

No, this is for
Flash. I don't know...

I itch so bad,
I'll take anything!

- I don't think this is for...
- Please, please.

Well, alright, I'll just
put some in your hand.

Put that right in there.

- That stuff smell?
- I don't think... I smell good.

Freeze!

Lost Sheep calling Shepherd.
Lost Sheep calling Shepherd.

The boys called Jesse and Daisy

to tell them about their escape.

And to meet them at the old
steel site in Choctaw Hollow.

Looks like we've
hit a blank wall.

Boss won't give the money back.

And according to that
paper you signed...

near as I can figure, there's
no way you're gonna get it back.

Maybe Jeb and Carrie could
sell the land to somebody else.

Now, talk some sense,
Daisy. There ain't two other...

Go ahead and say it. Ain't two
other suckers like us around?

Wait a minute. Maybe there are.

How about, say, Boss and Rosco?

Why would Boss wanna
buy back that old swamp site?

You never can tell.

Sometimes con men are
the easiest people to con.

This idea I got starting
just might have Boss

begging to get that land back.

What are you thinking about?

Ain't got it all fleshed
out, Uncle Jesse.

But I tell you what I need.

Remember that gold
inlay of yours that fell out?

- Yeah, but I ain't got any...
- It's in the kitchen.

Them gold cuff
links you never wear?

-Bottom drawer,
your night stand -It is?

Coy, we still got
them gold medals

we won at those
state archery meets?

Mind telling us what's
running in your head?

I will. But first I want Daisy

and Uncle Jesse
to get all that stuff...

and meet us at Cooter's.
Come on, let's get going.

You can usually
count on Boss' greed

to outweigh his common sense.

But whether he'll swallow
this one, I just don't know.

Is this about what you
had in mind, Vance?

It sure is.

What do you know?
A real gold nugget.

- Genuine.
- What are you gonna do with it?

We're gonna take a drive
down to that courthouse...

and pay our bail.

J.D., we may not
agree with the charges...

but this here will cover
the boys' bail, whatever it is.

What...?

What in tarnation
you call this thing?

It's called plain gold.

Legal tender anywhere
in this whole world.

You don't expect me
to be stupid enough

to believe this is really gold?

Well, if you don't believe
it, you can have it assayed.

And that wipes the slate clean.

- Oh, now, wait just a minute...
- J.D., you know...

that there's enough gold
there to cover the boys' bail.

But this is nothing
but a yellow stone.

That there is gold. You
got my word on that.

- My word is as good as gold.
- Good as gold.

Come on, boys!

We got no more business here.

If that ain't enough, Boss,
we'll bring you some more!

It looks like gold, don't it?

Yeah. And you look like
you got brains, only you ain't.

Where in the world
would the Dukes

ever get their
hands on any gold?

I know. Rosco, you
go fetch old man

Rhuebottom, the county assayer.

He'll get us to
the bottom of this.

Alright. I'm going.

Now, ain't them purty things?

Alright, alright, Mr. Rhuebottom

you're supposed to
be the county assayer.

So say something.

It's gold, alright, Mr. Hogg.

- It is gold.
- Gold...!

- Pretty high quality too.
- It is?

- Must be worth about $ .
- Seven hundred dollars?!

Seven hundred dollars?

The whole bridge only cost
four. Gold must've gone up.

Well, whatever scheme old
Vance has to con the con men...

it sure looks like he's
off to a right good start.

Right. Rosco, I want
you and these deputies...

to get in your cars and
start tailing them Dukes.

- Right.
- If you can find out...

where they swiped this here
gold, we can put them away...

for the rest of
their natural lives.

Mr. Hogg, I don't think Uncle
Jesse would steal nothing.

Enos, it don't matter
what you think.

It's what I think that
counts. Now, move!

Well, now we got
Enos on our side.

You know, Boss sure
took a nibble out of our bait.

Now, the next order of business

is getting Rosco and
company off our tail.

While you boys are doing that,
I'm gonna help Daisy and Cooter.

Good idea, Uncle
Jesse. Come on, cuz.

You got it.

There's the Duke boys.

Pretend like
you're not watching.

- Watching?
- You're watching.

Will you come on!

- Let's sink that hook deeper.
- Alright.

Little Bo Peep, this is Lost
Sheep, do you read me?

Loud and clear, boys. What's up?

Did you find more
lumps of that shiny stuff?

Lots of it. Wait till you see!

We will. Just as
soon as we shake

you-know-who and
his boys off our tail.

They're talking about me.

Who do they think they're
kidding with that code?

I broke it just like that.

Follow me, Enos, I
know what I'm doing!

I see them!

Alright, Enos, pour it on!
We've got them! We've got them!

Looks like the fox
has circled the hounds.

Go! Go! Get over!

No fox ever had moves
like the General Lee.

I'm sorry, sheriff.

You're driving too close and
you done rammed into my vehicle!

Danged incompetent...!

- They're okay.
- Let's get back to Cooter's.

Now that we got
our fish hooked...

let's play them a little.

The boys are headed
back to Cooter's

for the second
part of Vance's plan.

Well, ain't this a
busy little beehive!

Well, I see that undertaking
cousin of yours came through.

Yeah, old Tyrone was
having a slow week.

Don't have no funerals
till next Tuesday.

He said business
was kind of dead.

- Miss Daisy, how'd you do?
- I made out great.

The Tri-County Little Theatre
group let me raid their costume.

- Look at this, honey.
- I'm looking.

You're gonna have to
sew that up a little bit.

A pile of fake gold nuggets...

some fancy clothes,
a funeral limousine.

I'll be John Brown if I can

figure out how them
things fit together.

Now, old Boss always eats
like a hog when he's frustrated.

But right now, he's scarfing
swill like a herd of swine.

Rosco, the only thing
that'd make me feel better...

is finding out where them
Dukes swiped that gold.

And since you can't
keep a tail on them...

I suggest we check every
jewelry store and dentist...

to find out if any of them
are missing any gold.

That is a very good idea.

We just gotta find out
where them Dukes swiped it.

Well, you gonna gain
pounds, Mr. Hogg.

Yeah, he's right about
that. I'd better help you.

In Hazzard County,
a limo means that

you're either rich
or you're dead.

Ain't nobody dead in that car.

Boss? Boss?

You didn't see what I just saw.

Well, of course I didn't see
what you just saw, you lug nut.

- What was it?
- Well...

- That!
- Thank you, Cooter.

If you need me,
I'll be at the bar.

Very good, sir.

Put your money away,
son. Drinks are on me.

Champagne for everybody!

Imported, naturally.

Rosco. Rosco.

Tell me this is a dream.

Boss, I don't think so. You
don't have your P.J.s on.

And your beady, fat,
little eyes are open.

Coy! Coy!

Be right with you. I
need to call my broker.

Call his broker?!

Now, wouldn't that make
you wanna sell the farm

and run off to the city?

- Hi there.
- Hi.

Daisy, is that you,
or a movie star?

Why, honey, it's just little
old, rich... Terribly rich me.

I thought you was
gonna sow that up.

Oh, well, I did a little.

I think this ought
to cover it, John.

- What's this?
- It's gold.

Real gold, honey.

Pure-D gold. But it's too
much for this bar tab. Here.

Take it out of that.

Jesse Duke!

I don't know where your
nephews are getting all this gold.

But when I do find out, I'm
gonna put you all behind bars.

When you find out, J.D...

- you do that.
- I will, so help me.

Let's go, cuz.

Cooter, my good man. Could
we see you out at the limousine?

Yeah, I think one of
your ashtrays is dirty.

Okay, Cooter, you know
what you have to do.

Yeah, I know what I have to do.

I drive out to that creek...

that runs through your place
and the Mortons' property...

and I salt that crick with
these little gold nuggets.

We'll give you time
before word slips out.

Okay, better get
moving. Thanks again...

- for your help, good buddy.
- Don't worry about it. Any time.

And, Cooter, don't forget
to clean out the ashtrays.

Yes, sir.

I'm going, y'all!

Well, now, even though it
won't arrive till next week...

I'd like to make a
toast to our new yacht.

Oh, yes. I'll drink to that!

To the Golden Lady.

Listen, Boss, don't you
worry about that yacht.

It's probably a little
teeny bitty thing anyway.

I figured old Vance's plan
was going a mite too smooth.

Coy Duke, look at your
shoes. They're full of mud.

- So what?
- So what? That ain't fitting.

Back at the Boar's Nest,
meanwhile, them ritzy Dukes...

was setting the hook
in old Boss even deeper.

Okay. I'll clean them.

If you think I can stay clean
working the creek bed, no way.

You ain't supposed to wear
good clothes in a creek bed.

It's true, though, gold
is found in a creek bed.

You know something?
I just remembered.

There's a creek running
through the Duke property...

right on down to
the Morton place.

But there couldn't
be no gold in there.

No, ain't no gold.

On the other hand...

maybe we ought to get over
there and give it a checkout.

Take a peek at the creek?

Make sure there
ain't no gold there.

Yeah. Come on.

Let's go.

He took the bait.

- Look at him go.
- Probably for me, my taxman.

- Hello?
- Vance? Hey, this is Cooter.

Look, we got troubles.
Limo's busted down.

I ain't got my tools

and I ain't planted them
nuggets in that creek yet.

Oh, no. Boss just
left. Where are you?

- Twin Forks.
- Stay there. We'll come by.

- We got big trouble.
- What's wrong?

- Didn't Boss fall for it?
- He just left.

- Cooter's limo broke down.
- Oh, no.

He never salted the creek,
and if we don't get out there...

- we're gonna blow everything.
- Get out there!

While Boss and Rosco
headed for the creek

to look for gold...

the boys was just
picking it up from Cooter.

Keep your foot on, we
ain't got time to stop.

Alright. Alright!

How about that grab?

Look out, y'all!

You know, just when
you think you got

things under
control in Hazzard...

you run into a natural
Hazzard hazard.

What's the matter
with this here car?

Can't it go any faster?

Well, it's doing
the best it can.

All that sand dumped
on the front end

probably gave it a vapor lock.

Well, you did it.

What'd you expect
from a test driver?

They can't be too far
behind. Come on, let's go.

Come on, Coy. Let's
go salt some gold

over on the Mortons' property.

There's that green
fence like I remember.

Now then... Wait a minute.

- What?
- There, see?

- I don't see nothing.
- Well...

- Oh, Boss. Look. Look there.
- See something?

- Something shiny.
- Where?

Right over there...

- Oh, look what you done to me!
- Sorry about...

Rosco, you know
what I ought to do?

- What?
- Take a big, handful of mud...

No, no. Don't do
that. Just listen to me.

- This my good uniform.
- Wait a minute.

- What's this?
- What is it?

- Don't tell me.
- No, I won't tell you.

- Look at this!
- What is that?

- Gold!
- Gold?

I found gold! Lookie here!

- I found gold!
- There's another one.

- Oh, look here, another one.
- Oh, another one.

- I'm rich!
- Oh, we're rich!

That is, I'm richer than I was!

- Wrong, wrong.
- What?

You're not rich. The
Duke boys are rich.

- This is their land, remember?
- So what? Finders keepers.

Hey, come on!

Here's another one!
And another one!

Lookie there.
There's more of them.

Oh, Boss, you know, listen.

There's gold over here
on the Mortons' land too.

You mean there's gold
on the Mortons' place too?

I tell you something,
boy, you really goofed...

when you sold them this land.

- No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did.

- No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did.

- No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did.

Listen. Let me
ask you something.

Remember when those Duke
boys tried to swipe that contract?

- Yeah, I do.
- Well, I definitely heard you...

with both ears say that that
contract was legal and binding.

But the Duke boys
kept saying it was illegal.

- Right.
- You know something?

Them Duke boys were dead
right. That contract is illegal.

Get me out of here, back
to town and right to my bank.

I gotta take out some money
and give it to the Mortons.

- Why?
- I'm gonna unsell that land.

- Get back in the car.
- Boss, I'm not too sure.

- What do you mean?
- Here.

I want you to go
as fast as you can.

- Well...
- Go! Come on!

Alright, I got mine here.
Look, that's real gold.

- I know it. I'll hold my own...
- Real gold!

I haven't had so much fun
since shore leave in Shanghai!

Your scam's
working like a charm.

Alright. Come on,
cuz. We gotta get going.

- We got some more conning to do.
- Alright.

- Come on, now! Come on! Come on!
- That's as far as she'll go.

Oh, no. You ain't
stopping here, are you?

Alright!

I got these minnows in my boots

and now I got sand
in my carburetor.

The heck with what's
in your carburetor...

and what's in your
boots. Enos! Cletus!

- Yes, sir?
- Get your carcasses in my car...

and get to the bank.
I'll meet you there...

as soon as I change into
some clean negotiating clothes.

And stash this here gold!

- Don't tell anybody.
- No, we shouldn't.

- It's my turn to drive.
- Always think it's yours.

It's not. You lost
the gin rummy game.

- I don't play cards.
- That's how come I'm driving.

Alright, there you are. The
Duke farm and step on it.

- Right!
- Wait for me!

- You didn't say you wanted to.
- Cletus, you lug nut!

- I'm supposed to go. You know?
- Alright. Alright.

Good grief.

That is sand all
in my carburetor.

It just... What a mess!

I'll borrow some
of Cooter's tools.

I don't think he'll mind.

Gold.

Boy, that's what I call rich.

When you leave those little
rascals just laying around.

Oh, there's another one.

And there's some silver!

Silver?

That ain't silver, that's lead.

Gold spray paint.

Now, even Rosco had enough
smarts to tell gold from lead.

-The plot's starting to
sicken.-Sneaky Dukes!

They made fake gold.
They're scamming the Boss.

What a time for my
vehicle to be indisposed!

I'll borrow old Cletus' car.

You dipstick, I'll use your car!

The Dukes is getting
ready for the grand finale.

This is beautiful!

Boss, this is Sheriff
Rosco P. Coltrane.

Have you got your plump,
little ears on? Come on.

Boss? I'm serious
now. Get your ears on.

Alright, alright. Stop
right here, Cletus.

- Now let me out.
- Yes, sir.

And hold on to this. Good.

- Well, there's J.D.
- Well, hello, Jesse.

This is some
spread you got here.

It sure is good to be rich.

It certainly is,
J.D., it certainly is.

Oh, J.D., you know our new
neighbors here, the Mortons.

Yeah, of course I do.

As a matter of fact...

I was hoping to
run into you two.

- What for?
- Well, I'll tell you.

No matter what
anybody says about me...

the fact remains, I
am an honest man.

- Oh, come on now, Boss.
- It's true. And to prove it...

I took this contract
you signed for my land...

to one of the best
lawyers in these here parts.

To go over it with a
fine-toothed comb.

And he did come
up with a couple of

itty-bitty, little,
technical points...

that makes this
contract illegal.

- Illegal?
- And you're willing to admit it?

And what's more, I'm
tearing the whole thing up...

- right in front of your eyes.
- Do you know what you're doing?

Of course I do.

And what I'm also gonna do
is, I'm gonna give you Mortons...

every penny of your money back.

All you gotta do is
sign this new deed

transferring title back to me.

There's only one
problem with that, Boss.

We were gonna buy
the land for ourselves.

- What?
- Yep. To build us a lake.

For sailing our new yacht.

Moonlight cruises. Fun, fun!

Don't listen to them. Listen
to me. I tell you what I'll do.

I'll give you double what
you kids paid me for that land.

Cletus, give me that money!

Here. It's exactly what I
brought with me. Just in case.

Well, I don't know. What
do you think, Uncle Jesse?

Well, you kids is gonna
have to do what you think best.

Us Dukes could always find

somewhere else
to sail our yacht.

- Uncle Jesse, no, I...
- There are hundreds of places.

So, what do you say?
What do you say, kids?

Alright, Mr. Hogg.
You got yourself a deal.

Alright! That's a smart boy.

Now, here, you just sign
right there, on the dotted line.

- Here you go.
- Signed, sealed and delivered.

And here's your cash
money. Just like I promised.

J.D., I tell you what, let's
let bygones be bygones.

And we'll have ourselves a
nice julep toast, what do you say?

I can't do that, neighbors.

I gotta get me over to Capitol
City, get the new deed recorded.

You want me to drive
you, cousin Boss?

No, I don't want you to drive
me, Cletus. Stay here with Enos.

You stand guard over
the land I just bought back.

- Yes, sir.
- Don't you let nobody trespass.

- Do you hear me?
- No, sir.

In Hazzard County,
any land transaction

ain't final until the
deed's recorded.

That's why Boss moved so fast.

I can't believe it. We even made
money. All because of you folks.

We don't know how to thank you.

Well, righting a wrong,
that's thanks enough.

Who's that?

It's Rosco! Wonder
what he wants.

Hi, sheriff.

- How you been, sheriff?
- Hush!

Alright. Where's the Boss?

On his way to Capitol City.

- Why?
- Why? I'll tell you why. "Why?"

You see those? Those are genuine
gold lead nuggets, they're fake.

Rosco, I can explain
about that. They're...

I don't want you to
explain about nothing.

Alright, Cletus, cuff
them and stuff them.

- Why?
- I gotta get Boss and stop him.

- Why, sheriff?
- What? Are you crazy?

I'll tell you why, because
they've been passing fake...

Get your hands off that.
- -gold nuggets.

And they're
impersonating rich folks.

Now, do what I tell you!

If Boss don't get
to Capitol City

to record that deed,
the deal ain't final.

It'll blow everything.

Then we better stop
Rosco from catching him.

Coy. Vance. Where y'all going?

We're just going to put
the General in the barn.

Barn, huh?

General Lee, huh? Okay.

Stop!

Dang it, Coy. You told me a fib.

Mine, all mine!

Rosco's driving like
a man possessed.

Put it to the floor, cuz.
We gotta catch him.

We got our work cut
out for us, partner.

Hey, Rosco, pull over.
We wanna talk to you.

Just get back there. Get...

Don't get so close.

Alright, get back to the farm.
You two are under arrest.

I said don't...!

Now, I'm serious.

The boys better not
have any more spinouts...

or they'll never catch Rosco.

Capitol City. I think
we lost this one, Vance.

No, we didn't! There's Rosco.

Hit it!

Hang on, cuz!

Alright. Hey, Boss Hogg!

Don't do anything. Stop! Stop!

Now listen, don't
record that deed.

Don't record it? I just did!

That land is mine again.
Ain't that good news?

That's bad news.
That's terrible news.

- What?
- Dukes, they done hogwinked you.

- What are you talking about?
- They used phony gold.

- Phony gold?!
- Yeah.

Those Dukes are as poor as
church mice. So is the Mortons.

- All that gold was lead.
- Lead?

That's right, Boss. Except
the one Uncle Jesse gave you.

Well, don't just stand there.

- Arrest them. Arrest them.
- Alright.

- For fraud.
- Wait a minute, Rosco.

You arrest us for fraud,
you have to arrest Boss too.

And you won't have a chance.

You know how judges feel about
young, innocent newlyweds...

like the Mortons
getting swindled.

There's seven of
us as witnesses.

- Right.
- No!

And I thought when Bo and
Luke left, my troubles were over.

Well, it was a tradeoff.

Even-steven. Boss' land
scam for the Dukes' gold scam.

Them nice young Mortons
made enough money out of this...

to buy a real farm on the
other side of the county.

The Dukes? Well, they just
kept on being the Dukes...

whose full-time job is
keeping things normal.

For Hazzard County.