05x13 - The Revenge of Hughie Hogg

[bunniefuu]

'Yee-haw.'

There's supposed to be
only two things certain in life

death and taxes.

But in Hazzard County,
well, there's two more.

The Dukes being chased
by Sheriff Rosco is one.

The other, strange things
happening during elections.

Which is how this all started.

What bees do they have
in their bonnets now?

We're a good ten
below the speed limit.

Since when did those boys
need a legitimate reason

to give us a ticket, huh?

- You say we outrun 'em?
- Yeah, come on.

What do you say
this time we stop

and have it out with
them once and for all?

Alright.

I'm sorry, sheriff.

Enos. You dipstick.

'You scuffed my vehicle.
How many times..'

Hey, Daisy. Hey,
Coy. Hey, Vance.

Now, look, Rosco.

Before you start
all your malarkey..

We were ten miles
below the speed limit.

We didn't run any stop signs
or go through any traffic lights.

Or bend or break one
itty-bitty little law, Rosco.

Will you all just hush one
pea-pickin' minute here?

Listen, now, I know
that I-I haven't been

the best friend in the
world to you Dukes...

Just what is it you want, Rosco?

Your vote. Now, I
want you to vote for..

'Oh, see here. Flash
is gonna vote for me.'

- 'Let me have it, darling.'
- Aww!

You see? Vote. Good.

Alright, Enos. Give them one
of those very valuable buttons.

- Yes, sir.
- Give them each one.

- Yes, sir. You bet I will.
- Hey, listen.

I want you to take this poster

and put it where it's
most conspicuous

and I'd appreciate that.

Rosco, look at that. Gracious..

- Enos, give me that.
- Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yes. Another little present.

A cigar. There you go.

And, uh, there you go.

Now, listen. Don't smoke
it. It'll stunt your growth.

That'd be a naughty-naughty.

- Enos, get in the vehicle.
- Yes. Bye, Daisy.

- Bye-bye.
- 'Vote for Rosco P. Coltrane.'

- Oh, I love it, I love it.
- Wait!

Vote for Rosco, every
man's best friend.

Sheriff. Wait a minute.
Sheriff, you're hooked up to me.

Sheriff, save me, hey.

He wants usto vote
for himfor reelection?

He might win it considering
there's nobody else running.

That's the most
ridiculous thing I ever hoid.

Will Rogers once said
that he never met a man

that he didn't like.

Well, old Will had
never met Boss Hogg.

Or Boss' lowlife
nephew, Hughie Hogg.

What do you reckon all them
electronic gizmatics is? Are?

Twenty-five hundred
smackers. And that's final.

Hey, there's over ,
bucks worth of telephone

answering machines
on that truck.

Yeah? Maybe as a legitimate
price to a legitimate dealer.

But I ain't no legitimate
dealer. Now, am I?

'And seeing as how
them machines are hotter'

'than a Billy goat
in a pepper patch'

my advice is to
take this here money

or go find another fence
who's dumb enough

to give you what you askin'.

- Alright.
- That's what I thought.

Well, between that picture
and this tape recording

I think I've got enough
evidence to blackmail Uncle Boss

and own all of Hazzard County.

And then after Hazzard
County, it'll be the whole state

and then, the entire US of A.

Hughie, you're one of the most
conniving, rotten, bloodsucking

thieving critters I've ever met.

Wouldn't you say so?

I think he's the absolute pits.

Now, Hughie's been a
troublemaker ever since

he and the Dukes was kids.

When he saw the General,
well, he just couldn't resist

making a little bit more.

'Hey, look who's up ahead.'

'Let's see how the General
Lee does against this car'

'since I had it souped up.'

Hey, ain't that Hughie
Hogg back there?

Whoa!

'Oh, good timing, Hughie.
Here's mud in your eyes.'

'Watch that mud slick.'

- 'Look out.'
- 'Hughie!'

Now, that ain't normally
the way you clear them pipes.

Oh, looks like he's okay.

Tell you what, he got himself
cut down to size this time.

I wonder what he's
doing in Hazzard.

Well, you bet one
thing. It ain't good.

And that's bad.

Uncle Boss.

My no-good nephew, Hughie Hogg.

Oh, Hughie, your shifty
little hands still move faster

that a scalded cat.
Give me back my wallet.

Your pudgy hands ain't lost
anything either, Uncle Boss.

Give me back my watch.

Hey, wait a minute.
Oh, wait a minute.

What are you doing
back here in Hazzard?

Last time you was
here, I threw you out

told you never
to return, or else..

Well, I got an "or else,"
Uncle Boss. Take a look.

I got a tape of the
whole transaction to boot.

They might send you up the
river for a spell with this evidence.

Maybe ten years with
time off for good behavior.

Where in tarnation did you
get that snapshot and tape?

It doesn't matter.

What does matter
is that you withdraw

your support of
Rosco for sheriff.

- Yeah-yeah... what?
- And back me for the job.

You! Sheriff of Hazzard County?

You gotta be cookies short
of a dozen. Why would I do that?

'I don't think you
have much choice'

seeing as how the FBI
would love to have this.

Oh, Hughie. You
got me over a barrel.

You miserable, double-dealing...

You can save the
compliments, Uncle Boss.

Just take your fat, roly-poly
little body over to Rosco

and tell him the
facts of life. Go.

- But...
- Go.

Oh!

'Good folks of Hazzard County'

'reelect me, Rosco P. Coltrane'

'uh, for sheriff and
let me do the job'

'that I'm supposed to do.'

'And that is clean out, uh,
clean up Hazzard County.'

Stay here, Flash.

- Guard the vehicle.
- Rosco. Listen.

- Just a minute.
- Rosco.

Excuse me. Excuse me, lady.

Would you come here, sweetheart?

Here you go, a lollipop.

Now, vote for Rosco..

She's too young to vote.
Here you go. Vote for Rosco.

I'm telling you, Boss,
I'm glad I only run

for reelection once
every four years.

I've kissed so many
babies that my lips pucker

when I get feet from
a can of talcum powder.

- Well, you're in luck.
- Mmm.

Because you can
un-pucker from here on in.

Why?

I-I'm withdrawing
supporting you for reelection

and I'm now backing my
nephew, Hughie Hogg for sheriff.

Oh, well, that's nice..

Are you kidding me? What?

Well, it's something
that can't be helped.

I mean, I'm over a
barrel, don't you know.

Hughie Hogg for sheriff?

Yeah, I know he's a
pea-picking, dirty double-dealer

but... I just gotta go along
with him for the office.

- Oh, would you stop whimpering!
- Well, it's just..

I can't stand to see
a grown half-wit cry.

Look, it hurts me
more than it does you.

No.

You'll have to take that
loudspeaker off your patrol car.

You can't campaign for
public office in a public vehicle.

Now, I gotta go.

Well, naturally Boss
couldn't tell Rosco

that he had double-crossed
him by cutting him out

of them hot telephone
answering machines.

Politics makes
strange bedfellows.

And you can find some strange
bedfellows in Hazzard County.

'My, my, my.'

'I see it, but I
don't believe it.'

Boss dropped Rosco hotter
than a firecracker lit at both ends.

I know. But coming
out for Hughie?

Man, that boy will steal
him blinder than three mice.

- I know.
- That don't make any sense.

I'm gonna get Uncle Jesse.
Lost Sheep to Shepherd.

Yeah, this is Shepherd.
Uh, come back.

Vance told Jesse
what they'd found out

and Jesse allowed
that if Hughie got elected

well, he'd make Boss' thieving
look like a sharecropper.

You ain't suggesting we
support Rosco for sheriff, are ya?

I know it don't sound like me

and it's a sick
and revoltin' idea.

But sometimes you gotta
do the lesser of two evils.

So, Jesse told Daisy and
the boys to fetch Rosco.

With Cooter out of town,
they could use his place

to get something cooking.

And there was a lot
more cooking at Boss'

who was being
grilled rare by Lulu

while he was scarfing
groceries out of frustration.

Why are you kicking him out

for that polecat of a
pig you call a Hogg?

Because I..

Because I..

Oh, dang it! I just
don't wanna discuss it!

Well, I do and
until we discuss it

until you give
Rosco his job back

you are gonna have to find
another place to feed your face

and lay that body down.

Now, I mean it. And I mean it.

- Oh, Lulukins, please.
- I do!

I don't mind about
the laying down

but I sure gotta have
the feeding. Lulukins.

'You're not getting any
more. You hear me?'

Oh, my.

There just ain't nothing
you can't get out of a woman

if you use a little sweet talk.

Mmm-mm.

Getting dumped by Boss
was just the beginning.

Rosco was getting a
whole load of surprises.

Like having to drive his own car

for the first time
in four years.

Last time, it was the motor.

Hush.

Alright, Jesse, I'm here.
So now, speak your piece.

Uh, uh..

Well, Rosco, we
had a family meeting

and we decided... that
Dukes is gonna back you

for sheriff of Hazzard County.

Just like it says right
there on that button.

Are you kidding me?

Rosco, we figured it's
the lesser of the two evils.

Gee, you little.. That sorta
gives me a quiver in my liver.

I can't wait to tell Boss Hogg.

That'll really give
him a vapor lock.

- Then you tell him right away.
- Yes, I'm gonna..

It wasn't gonna bring any smile
on Hughie Hogg's lips neither.

He was gonna know
even before Boss.

"Hughie want we." Well,
that may be true, girls.

But, uh, shouldn't we
stand in the proper order?

Why don't you come with
me down here to the end?

And, uh, you're
perfect right there.

And if you'd just come
with me over here, yes.

- Hughie.
- Yes.

Get ready for news
that'll knock your socks off.

- Oh, good. I love a surprise.
- Not this one.

Dukes are throwing
in with Sheriff Rosco

to help him get reelected.

Why would the
Dukes wanna do that?

Maybe they hate you more
than Rosco. That's not hard to do.

What are we standing
around here jawing for?

Competition's one thing,
but them Dukes is another.

Want you guys to get rid of
them Dukes until after the election.

Then when I become sheriff, I
get rid of them permanent-like.

'Now, boys, if you'll just
follow me out the door'

we'll skedaddle you off down
and we'll just see y'all later.

That's right. Thanks
so much. Okay.

"We want Hughie."

'Whoa.'

I never thought I'd
see the day us Dukes

would be campaigning for Rosco.

You got the saw by
the wrong tree, partner.

We ain't helping Rosco,
we're helping ourselves.

You boys ain't helping nobody.

'And you won't be
hanging any more posters'

because you're
going for a little ride.

Would you hold this for me?

Let's go.

- Don't let them get away.
- I'll get them.

- Will this thing go any faster?
- It's popping.

Maybe we could cut
them Dukes off up ahead.

Friends, just think
a minute now.

When was the last time
that you had to look up

to see a wreck?

- Them fellows make it?
- Yep.

Looks like they're gonna
be taking their meals

standing up for a while.

You figure like I do,
they're working for Hughie?

No other way to figure.

Hughie wants to be sheriff. He
don't care who gets him there.

Vote for Rosco P. Coltrane.

You think it's funny that a Duke
is supporting Rosco P. Coltrane

but he'll be a lot better
sheriff than that Hughie Hogg.

'Uncle Jesse,
this is Lost Sheep.'

- Hughie is a lot worse.
- Yeah.

'Come back, this is Vance.'

'Lost Sheep calling Shepherd.
Come back. Come in, Shepherd.'

Well, Coy and Vance
told Jesse what happened

and they all reached
the same conclusion.

Life just wouldn't be
worth living in Hazzard

especially for a Duke

if they didn't sweep old
Rosco right into office.

And, friends, that was gonna
take a mighty big broom.

I've been going through
your files, Uncle Boss.

- Trying to figure out my cut.
- You have?

Yeah, that's right,
when I become sheriff

I think the split
will be, oh, - .

- Oh, - . Well...
- 'You get the .'

Wait a minute, boy. You got an
unfinished attic you know that?

I mean, I mean... if
I yelled in your ear

I'd expect to get an echo
because I never, ever...

I mean you no
disrespect, Uncle Boss

I think you ought to do it my
way and be real happy about it.

'Well, we tried to
snatch the Dukes.'

- They got away.
- Mmm.

You know, Rosco's still sheriff.

Have him arrest Coy and Vance.

Tr*mp up some charges like, uh..

Uh, disturbing the peace
or preventing a free election.

Just wait a minute.

Rosco would never arrest
his two top campaigners.

He may be dumb,
but he ain't that dumb.

Uh-huh, that's just
the point, Uncle Boss.

You see, with the
Dukes helping Rosco

that's gonna bolster
his campaign.

People might start listening.
After all, he is the sheriff.

So..

Suspend Rosco and
make me acting sheriff.

- You?
- That's right.

Or we'll both be out of a job.

Alright.

What? What?

That's my hat or your
belly's gone to your head.

Boss had no choice
but to bide his time

and wait for the right
minute to fight back.

In the meantime, the Dukes
had no time to waste at all.

And now, the sheriff's
own sister, Lulu.

Thank you, Daisy.

Ladies and gentlemen,
of Hazzard County

I just wanna say that I don't
believe in my husband J.D.

backing that pig
of a Hogg, Hughie

for my baby brother's job.

Now, I say, don't put a
crook in the sheriff's office

put the crook in jail!

Right!

And now, my own Uncle Jesse.

Friends, now, you're probably
wondering why us Dukes

is backing Rosco for sheriff
here. Well, sometimes..

And so, Uncle Jesse went ahead
and gave a campaign speech

for a man that no Duke
had ever endorsed before.

'...and Rosco knows the
people of this here town.'

'And Rosco is a sneak..'

Psst! Rosco.

'So when you gotta
choose between Rosco..'

Boss, don't go interrupting
me while all those good folks

are saying those
nice things about me.

Yeah. Well, that's
just the point.

I want you to arrest all them
good folks, namely the Dukes.

Are you kidding me? For what?

Uh, uh, well, uh, campaigning
without a license, ain't they?

'They're disturbing the peace,
creating a big disturbance.'

'Wait just a pea-picking
minute here.'

I'm not gonna arrest
these nice folks

when they're helping
me keep my job.

Well, then they just
helped you out of a job.

- Mmm?
- You're suspended.

'Uh, you mean,
you mean I'm fired?'

No, no. You-you-you're
just suspended.

For the time being, see?

Uh, hand over your badge.

- You mean my badge?
- Yeah.

Come on. Come on.

This is very painful to me.

Ow-oh! You can say that again.

- This is very painful to me.
- No. I meant for me.

Hughie Hogg, raise
your right hand.

- Do you...
- I do.

- Boys, do you?
- We do.

Good. Now I pronounce
you acting deputies.

Now, arrest all them Dukes for
campaigning without a permit.

Oh, yeah?

Now, trying to catch one
Duke, much less all four

is like trying to catch
a handful of eels

with a fistful of axle grease.

Lulu. You don't know
what you're doing to me.

Ah!

'Tell you what happened last
night. He came over about..'

Don't lose 'em.

Even though it was late

he said he could pick me
up earlier if I didn't mind

that Pete's coming along.

Well, honey, you can imagine
how excited I was about that.

So anyway, they got their
mamas to bed at nine o'clock. Huh?

But it means see... then, they
took me to the picture show.

So anyway..

Uncle Jesse? Daisy? We're
coming up on Tri-Corners.

Uncle Jesse, I want
you to take the right fork.

'Daisy, you take the left.
We are going up the middle.'

'They can't follow all
three of us in one car.'

'So, we'll draw 'em off.'

We'll meet you later at
our favorite picnic ground.

We're gone. Come
on. Let's get it.

Jesse and Daisy
took the side forks.

Coy slowed the General
just enough on the middle road

so as to keep the
heavies after them.

And it worked like a charm.

Now, all Coy and Vance had to do

was lose the weight
they had picked up.

Now, let's just hope
Snuffy's still working

that road construction
job on the old North Road.

Vance Duke calling Snuffy.
You out there, good buddy?

One thing good about
the Hazzard County

Good Ol' Boys channel
there's always a friend

in need out there
ready to pitch in.

'Okay, start slowing
down, partner.'

They must've run out of gas.

- Hey! Hey, buddy, what're..
- Put this car down!

We're officers of the law.

'Hey.'

Y'all buckle up now.

'Have a good flight.'

Thanks, Snuff. See you later.

'You got it, Vance.'

With Barclay and
Norris all up in the air.

The campaign trail was
still open for Rosco's helpers.

'Wind-chill factor
whipping through my..'

I tell you, a man
could chill his vitals

driving in this vehicle.

This is embarrassing.

No wonder I couldn't win an
election driving this junk heap.

It's just..

Driving a vehicle like
this is embarrassing.

Look at that thing.

Maybe a bath. Maybe just a..

Well... that's just
par for the course.

This thing isn't
even worth washing.

While old Rosco
was giving his car

the hundred-thousand-mile
kick test

old Hughie was trying
out his new uniform.

- Well, Rosco.
- What?

Littering the
public streets, huh?

- That's gonna cost you .
- Are you kidding?

A hundred and fifty dollars
for this junk heap. It's not even..

Did you see that? Did you? You..

Why don't we make that ?

- How would we like a...
- What's your name, uh..

Think, J.D. Hogg. Think!

There's gotta be a
way to stop Hughie

and get back that
picture and that tape.

I got it. That's it.

Just sign right there, Rosco.

I know where to
sign, you dipstick.

- There you go.
- Yeah, there you go.

- Listen. Listen, Hughie, I'm...
- Give me that thing, will you?

Oh, I hate you.

- Scuff him.
- Rosco.

Rosco. Rosco.

- What?
- Listen..

- Oh, great.
- My goodness.

Alright, forget
about that, will you?

And just listen to me.

Because I have got
a confession to make.

Don't tell me. Tell that
lowlife, Hughie Hogg.

You know what he did? He
had the nerve to give me a ticket.

For littering the street
with my own vehicle.

That's nothing compared
to what he's done to me.

On account of,
he found out that I..

And this is the
confession I wanna make.

I was trying to cheat you
out of a cut of a deal I'm in.

- You didn't.
- I did.

- You did?
- That's right.

You got more twists and
turns than a corkscrew, Boss.

Well, alright, listen. I'm
gonna change all that.

- You're going honest?
- Uh..

Well, I withdraw that question.

What I'm gonna do is, I'm
gonna get your badge back..

Oh, goody-goody gumdrops.

Once you steal back
that snapshot and tape

that Hughie is using
to blackmail me.

- Me?
- Yeah. So, come on.

- Let's go after them.
- Well, I wouldn't, Boss.

- No, don't...
- Argh!

Dang that thing.
Oh, look at that.

No!

- That's a mess.
- I know it.

Look at this car...

- Termites.
- Alright, we'll walk.

Come on, let's go.

Well, maybe Boss is the
one who needs the help.

You might have a point there.

Maybe if we could help
Boss with whatever it is

that Hughie's got on him, we
could get Boss to change side.

What do you say we go
have a talk with Boss Hogg?

Let's go.

Come on along here.

That little varmint
went right in there.

There he is.

He's fast asleep in the chair.

- He's sneaking a snooze?
- Yeah. Now, listen.

He's gotta have that photo and
that tape in one of his pockets.

So slipping it out ought to
be as easy as falling off a log.

- Easier, easier.
- Alright, then go in and do it.

- Me?
- Yes. Go on. Go on, will you?

Why do I always have to go?

Let's see. This one?

No, that, that one.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, there it is.

If you're looking for
a close shave, buddy

you came to the right place.

Looks like Rosco's gonna
have a long look at his own jail.

'You have just broke the
camel's back. Now, you hear me?'

- 'I hear you.'
- You get out of here.

I have put up with
things over the years.

But your backing this
pipsqueak for that election..

- Yeah, but I...
- And now this.

This is the end, do you hear me?

- I hear you...
- You're getting out.

Out! I mean it..

Who is that? Come in!

- J.D.
- What?

You're getting out of this
house until Rosco gets outta jail

and gets his job back as
sheriff. Do you hear me?

- I do, I do.
- Did I hear you right?

You're trying to tell
me Rosco's in jail?

- Right.
- For what?

That little worm
of a Hughie Hogg

claims that Rosco
tried to rob him.

- Do you believe that?
- That just don't make sense.

Well, here's the
little worm right now.

The short one is the worm.

Nobody move. You
Dukes are under arrest.

What's the charge?

It was for disturbing the peace

and campaigning
without a license.

But now it's for consorting
with a known criminal.

Put the cuffs on them
and cart 'em away.

Oh, is that so?

What a way to
turn out the light?

Go for it, boys. Quick.

Well, the problem with
being up against Hughie Hogg

is he can think.

I don't think the boys are
gonna get out of this easy.

One Detroit
sidewinder coming up.

'Hang on, coz. Yee-haw!'

This running ain't taking
us nowhere but in circles.

You're right. What do we do now?

The way I see it,
Hughie's got something

Boss and Rosco were
trying to steal it back.

- We gonna find out what it is?
- Yeah.

Looks like Daisy and Jesse

are gonna be keeping
company with Rosco.

Having sniffed out the notion

that Hughie had
something on Boss

that made Boss
double-cross Rosco.

Barclay, go to the other office,
put out an APB on Coy and Vance.

We'll get them Dukes
one way or the other.

Norris, check on
Daisy in her cell

and make sure she's
comfortable and, uh

could you bring these..

Compliments of
Sheriff Hughie Hogg.

Yeah.

The boys knew the
first order of business

was to get their
family out of jail.

And they decided to
raise a real stink about it.

And they found the
best man for the job.

- You hear that?
- I ain't hear nothing.

- But I sure smell something.
- Ain't me.

Ain't my cigar.

- There's a skunk in here.
- Great call.

- Woo!
- Oh!

Emancipation time.

Except for leaving an odor
that you could hang a hat on

it was a clean getaway.

Well, it took some
doing by the Dukes

but they finally convinced Rosco

to spill the whole
bowl of beans.

Hughie's got a tape
recording and a photograph

that he's blackmailing
Boss Hogg with.

And that Hughie,
being nobody's dummy

has probably got it
locked up somewhere safe.

Maybe we could put pressure
on Hughie to force his hand a mite.

Get him over a barrel
so we could trade off.

Hey, y'all, what about me?

Hughie has always
had eyes for me.

Hey, Daisy's got an idea there.

A woman sure can
loosen up a man's tongue.

If she could get him to talking

maybe confess a couple
of those shady deals of his..

Great idea. We'll hide
that tape recorder on her.

If anyone can get that
Hogg to squeal, Daisy can.

- Yeah.
- No. Now, just a minute.

I'm not letting her go in there
with that octopus piranha.

Uncle Jesse, I'll tell you what,
If Hughie lays one hand on me

I'm gonna knock
him flat on his butt.

Turn him like pancakes.

Well, they got a hold
of a mini tape machine.

And Daisy became a
walking recording studio.

You know, I know
of lots of pickers

in Nashville that'd
like to play there.

What you're about to witness
is called a weekend plan.

Sending in a girl with
a Sunday school face

against a man with
Saturday night ideas.

- Hi, Hughie.
- Hi.

Whoa.

I mean, Sheriff Hughie.

- I'm here to surrender.
- Oh, good.

I am, I have realized that
I've gotta turn myself in

because you're too much
of a man for me, Hughie.

I don't know what it is
but I've just always had

this hankering for
you. You're so, so...

- Macho?
- Yeah, that's what it is.

Yeah.

Oh. Ahem.

Do you always
dress like that, Daisy?

Well, yeah. I mean,
while I go swimming I do.

I thought maybe, Hughie, that
you and I could... go for a swim?

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Maybe just you and
me... all by ourselves.

Oh, yeah.

But first, I thought
maybe you could

tell me all about yourself.

Oh, like what?

Umm, how about
all those exciting

heroic ways you made
all that big money?

'Cause, Hughie, I tell you

Boss Hogg says you're too
stupid to do anything like that.

Yeah. Is that so?

- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.

Well, he probably never told you

about the time that
I bilked that bank

in Hatchapee out
of all them bonds.

He probably never told you
about the time that I was out there

with the boys in Loomis
and had that hijacking.

Or the fencing
operation going on.

He probably never told you..

Hey, Daisy, how about a kiss?

Oh, no thanks. I
mean, I gotta go.

- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.

Bye-bye, Hughie.

I guess sometimes my
machoness just scares 'em away.

'Boss Hogg says
you're too stupid'

'to do anything like that.'

'Is that so?'

'Yeah, well, he probably
never told you about the time..'

Alright, here's where it comes.

'...Hatchapee out
of all of them bonds.'

'He probably... '

What'd you turn it off for?

- I didn't turn it off.
- Where's the rest of it?

- The confession part?
- 'I don't know, I..'

Oh, sh**t a bug.

Hughie must've
turned off the machine

when he tried to kiss me.

- 'Dang it.'
- Good old Hughie.

He could turn anybody off.

- There went a great idea.
- Yeah.

'Wait a minute. Not so fast.'

Maybe there's
enough on that tape

to convince Hughie
that there's more.

- You mean bluff him?
- It's the only chance we got.

Let's hear what
we got on it now.

Okay.

- The Dukes are doing what?
- Yeah, yeah.

- Dagblast it, Rosco.
- I know, I know.

Don't you realize that if them
Dukes got that picture and tape

they can blackmail me the
same way Hughie's doing?

Well, I didn't know
that. You know, listen.

You know what, we ought to
get that tape from the Duke boys

and then make our own
deal with Hughie Hogg.

- That's just what I'm thinking.
- Yeah.

- Come on. Let's go.
- Come on. I'll drive you.

Oh, not in this mess.
Come on. Use my car.

Come on.

- Be careful.
- I'm driving careful.

The Dukes played
the only card they had.

And old Hughie fell for
it, hook, line and sinker.

'...Hatchapee out of all
them bonds. He probably... '

Hear enough there, Hughie?

You Dukes think
you're smart, don't you?

We're smart enough to know

that this tape played
all the way through

could send you to jail for
about, uh, years or so.

Now, do we swap or don't we?

- We swap.
- Alright, then.

Morgan Glueworks.
Mainline switch. One hour.

What do we do now?

We, uh, worry a lot.

Come on, we're gonna get
that tape and them Dukes

before any meeting
at Morgan's Glueworks.

Now, as Coy and Vance was
on their way to meet Hughie

and bail out Boss and Rosco.

Boss and Rosco was
looking to get in first licks

and grab that tape
away from Coy and Vance

not realizing they'd be
cutting their own throats.

'Oh, look.'

- There they are, the Dukes.
- I see 'em.

'And there they go.'

Did I just see what I just saw?

Boss and Rosco are
back together again.

Ever notice how
the simple things

seem to get
complicated in Hazzard?

Got a feeling they're gonna
try taking the tape from us

before we could
settle up with Hughie.

Well, hang on, coz.

We're about to put some
rubber between them and us.

But what the boys
wasn't counting on

was a flatbed full of beer
on its way to the Boar's Nest.

Because you see, life
does go on, even in Hazzard.

Hey, what's that
rolling toward us?

'It ain't barrels of
laughs, that's for sure.'

The way I figure, they're lucky

that truck wasn't
delivering sports cars.

Oh, careful. Come
on, turn around.

We gotta get away
from these barrels.

You're doing alright, partner.

Ain't had much
practice avoiding a beer.

'Watch it, watch it.'

'What kind of a driver are you?'

'Didn't you see it coming?'

'Hey, you lost your beer. Stop.'

Would you look at that?

If that don't pretty
up the scenery.

'No.'

'Well, I hate to
keep Hughie waiting'

'but, uh, seems to be some
damsels in distress up there.'

'Lower the
lifeboats, I'm ready.'

Well, howdy, ladies.
Could we be of any help?

'Sorry to disappoint you, boys.'

But you could be a
real big help to me.

Thank you, girls.
You can take off now.

'Just get yourselves ready
for the big victory ball.'

'You had your fun now, boys.'

Saved you a trip.

Why don't you just
hand over that tape

Daisy made right here and now?

- Alright.
- Okay, boys.

- Hold out your hands.
- 'Take care of them.'

Well, you want us to
go after them, Hughie?

Waste of time. Nothing much they
can do on the run as wanted men.

Besides, I got what
I came for anyway.

Let's go.

Well, that does it.

If Hughie listens to that tape

he'll know we never had
anything on him in the first place.

Not exactly.

Fact is, Hughie won't
hear anything at all

'cause I gave him a blank tape.

I got Daisy's... right here.

That's great.

It's blank.

I've been hornswoggled. Them
Dukes gave me a blank tape.

'This here is Vance Duke calling
acting Sheriff Hughie Hogg.'

'You got your ears on, Hughie?'

Yeah, it's me, Vance Duke.

'You're gonna go
to jail for more years'

'than your Uncle
Jesse's got whiskers.'

Is that so?

If I do, you're gonna
be there with me

'cause we still got that tape.
Meet us at Morgan's Glueworks.

'You got minutes. Don't try
any funny business this time.'

Oh, Ros, Rosco,
did you hear that?

- Hear what?
- I got a second chance.

Yeah, come on.
Come on, get going.

Get going, will
you? Turn it, turn.

Come on, that's
it. Now, that way.

You know, I think you kids
are barking up the wrong tree.

You know that Hughie
Hogg, he's nobody's fool.

You're not gonna be
bluffing him a second time.

We don't intend to
bluff him, Uncle Jesse.

That's why we're
taking Daisy with us.

- Bye, Uncle Jesse.
- See you.

Well, I sure wouldn't
wanna be that Hughie Hogg.

Alright, Hughie. Let's
get down to business.

- We got ours if you got yours.
- Right here.

I wanna hear the tape of
yours all the way through first.

You wanna hear yourself
confessing to all those crimes

you committed, Hughie?

Like that phony bond
deal you pulled over

at the bank in Hatchapee?

Oh, yeah. And them
counterfeit plates I had made up.

Yeah, I wanna
hear all that stuff.

'And like that hijacking
over there in Loomis'

and like that protection
racket I got running.

Oh, yeah, I wanna hear all
about my fencing operation too.

'Yeah, all that stuff.'

I wanna make sure you
really got it on that tape there.

If we didn't have it before,
Hughie. We sure got it now.

Alright, that's just
what we was waiting for.

Freeze it right there.

Well, well, well, I do believe
that this brings to a close

any and all
negotiations, don't it?

Now, then, Hughie, this is
the end of the line for you.

Hand over that evidence.
Come on, come on, come on!

Yeah. Alright.

There. Alright, Rosco, listen.

I want you to arrest my nephew,
Hughie for blackmailing me.

And then, I want you
to arrest these Dukes

'for blackmailing my
nephew, Hughie Hogg.'

Oh, yeah. Naughty-naughty.

That way everybody goes to jail.

Wrong again, Boss.
Oh, drop the g*n, Rosco.

Let me just have this, fellows.

- Wait a minute.
- Nice work, boys.

Afraid you're wrong too, Hughie.

See, Barclay and me figure
on taking over from now on

since we got
something on all of you.

Why you two-timing,
double-necking..

'You can't even find an
honest crook anymore.'

Watch it! Watch it!

Stand up.

Let go, let go, let go!

Let's get out of here.

Put your other hand
here and push away.

Stuck to you. I'm stuck to you.

A sheriff's patrol car being
chased by General Lee?

By this time, it don't
even look unusual.

Coming up on Stump Hollow Road.

See if you can herd 'em onto it.

You got it.

Look out!

Folks, we're just about to see
an enemy m*ssile launch itself.

Well, Coy and Vance
got them bad guys out

but the tapes and
snapshots were gone forever..

Along with the patrol car
that Boss made Rosco pay for.

Once Rosco got reelected
and got back his badge

and Boss got Lulu back..

Which didn't seem really fair.

Lulu hadn't done anything wrong.

Boss got Lulu's permission

to break camp
on their front lawn

and move back into the house.

Hughie and his
double-crossing cohorts

were told to leave
town and never return.

But being family old Hughie and
Boss shared one final embrace.

- Put him in the back there.
- Yeah.

And Hughie... don't you
ever show up here again.

'Bye, bye, bye.'

Alright, then..

Wait a minute, wait..

That pint-sized popinjay
of a nephew of mine

stole my gold watch and
new chain. Alright, after him.

Come on, Rosco. After him.

After him. Driver? Driver?

Where's my driver?
Alright, Rosco. Over here.

Ah!

The water's all over me.

Somebody help me out of here.

All of which ended a
pretty normal election

in Hazzard County.