06x05 - The Boar's Nest Bears

[bunniefuu]

'Yee-haw!'

If you're a Duke
in Hazzard County..

The littlest things can
sometimes throw a kink

in your plough land.

You see, the Duke boys
went fishing at Cowlick Creek.

There was a
frog-choking flash flood.

The creek rose, and
the road washed out.

And the Dukes was
late for their meeting

with their probation
officer, Boss Hogg..

..who's about as
sympathetic as a hanging.

We're in big trouble,
no doubt about it.

Boss probably gonna
have us picking weeds off

the county roads for a month.

Take away our voting rights.

You know, he can take
away our driver's license.

Much worse, he could
take away the General Lee.

- You kiddin'?
- I ain't kiddin'.

- We got to talk to him.
- We've as much chance talkin'..

As getting him away
from the dinner table.

We got ourselves a problem.

And Boss was
already in a bad mood.

'Cause he had an awful
case of the Weltschmerz.

Which is fancy talk, for being
up to your udders in problems.

- 'Rosco, tell me something.'
- 'You little rascal.'

Am I or am I not sponsoring
a peewee basketball team..

The Boar's Nest Bears, for
the benefit of all young'uns

of Hazzard County, unselfishly
out of my own pocket?

Pu wup-wup-wup-wup we-we..

We said just a little
naughty there at the end.

'Cause you know and I know
the reason you're doing that is

you can gouge the parents at
the bank and the Boar's Nest

coffin works when they pass...

Well, that's just business.

You can gouge all you want
if have good public relations.

- Like a basketball team.
- Oh.

And that is why I
deserve more than to have

than to have that ingrate
coach tell me I was meddling

too much with him
and up quit on me.

- He did?
- Yeah, he did.

He shoved this basketball
at me and told me to stuff it.

Oh, he didn't.

- Oh, a basketball?
- Mm.

The match game with Chickasaw
County is less than a week away

and I ain't got a coach.

Oh, and that means
only one thing.

You're gonna lose
big ones to A.C. Tate Jr.

Just like you did every
year to his late daddy.

And headin' toward Hazzard,
is none other than A.C. Tate Jr.

Good thing he
takes after his mama.

His pa was fat and ugly.

Our boys gonna
be ready this year?

Ready? We ain't been
b*at for years with less talent

than with this team, boss.

Now, that's good. Real good.

Tell you what we'll do, Ruel.

We'll take a peek at
ol' Hogg's -year-olds..

See what he's got up there,
and then we'll drive over..

See him for our
annual $ bet.

Yeah. Ha-ha.

- Come over here to your barber.
- What-what?

Come and sit down in there
'cause I got a surprise for you.

- I got it fixed special.
- You do?

Yes. Sit down.

- You think this will help?
- Yes, of course it is.

You see, I went down and I
appropriated one of those..

Flying Fingers of Fun
from Petrie's No-Tell Motel.

Oh, I see.

- It's gonna relax you.
- Yeah.

'There you go'.

Isn't that good?

- Back to the drawing board.
- 'Ah!'

- Ah! Ah!
- Ooh, ooh, oh, little buddy.

Rosco, next time there's
an election for village idiot..

I'll manage your campaign.

Oh.

While Rosco was
scraping Boss off the wall..

Jesse and Daisy,
was payin' a visit

to the recently
widowed, Lou Ann Moffet.

- How are you, Lou Ann?
- 'Just fine.'

- Hey.
- Hey, there.

- Lou Ann.
- Good to see you.

- How are you doin, girl?
- Just fine.

Uh, uh, Daisy brought
you something'.

- Oh-h-h-h.
- Well..

It's one of her
famous peach pies.

- Uncle Jesse, it's not famous.
- Well, it is at our house.

Oh, thank y'all,
that's real nice.

We thought we'd come on by,
see if we could help with anything.

I noticed the storm took out
some of your fence down yonder.

I'll bring the boys.
They'll fix it for you.

Thanks, it's hard for Rod and
me to keep the place up ourselves.

Good sh*t, Rod. How are you?

Hi, Mr. Duke. Hi, Daisy.

Hi, Rod.

Lord, how that boy has grown.

Here he is at the age where
he really could use a daddy.

It hasn't been easy
on either one of you.

He'll come around.

Maybe, Bo and Luke could..

Do a little fixin' there too.

Well, we best get on home.

It's a long way through
Chickasaw, bridge being out.

- We'll be back before you know.
- Bye. Thanks for the pie.

- Bye, you take care, huh?
- Okay.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye.

'Maybe if we explain why
we're late, he'll give us a break.'

Naturally, Boss needed
a new basketball coach.

And the man that he picked
knew a lot more brain surgery

than basketball.

Rosco P. Coltrane.

Alright, now listen up there.

Now, you gentleman here
see this spherical thing.

This is called a ball.

Now, it bounces.

Rosco, we know
what the ball does.

Well, you see there, you're
learning already. Good.

Yee-haw!

Well, Bo and
Luke, finally arrived

for the probation
meeting with Boss.

Freeze it right here.
Alright, you Dukes, alright.

I'm gonna arrest
those varmints, Boss.

No, no, no, hold on, hold
on. You get back to the team.

Try to do some good.
I'll handle 'em Dukes.

Alright.

Now, wait just a second, Boss.

Before you go say
anything hasty..

Listen to our side
of the story, okay?

We got trapped by the Hatchapee.
Never seen a river rise so fast.

We couldn't have
made it here on time.

Alright, so you
missed your meeting.

And now, you got
yourselves a hearin'..

In front of Judge Dugan
tomorrow mornin', a.m. sharp.

And remember to bring
your driver's license's..

And your registration slip.

Because we'll be
impounding the General Lee.

- We didn't do it on purpose.
- No.

I don't care why you done
it, the fact is you did done it.

Now get! I got other
problems to attend to.

Stop that! Stop everything!

Don't do that to
him. Give me the ball.

You're fired. I'm
gonna take over.

See, Mr. Tate. Our boys'll cut
him up and hang him out to dry.

I feel so good about this
bet, Ruel, I'm gonna cut you in.

It's gonna be the easiest
money you ever made.

You know, Mr. Tate, I
almost feel sorry for him.

Come on, fellas, cheer up.

I tell you, things
could be a lot worse.

- Sure don't see how.
- I'll tell you how.

We went and saw
Lou Ann Moffet today.

- How's she takin' things?
- 'She's better..'

but she needs a lot of
help around that place.

Well, after the hearing tomorrow
we'll take a run on up there.

- If we still got the General.
- Yeah.

How's little Rod doin', anyway?

He sure misses
that daddy of his.

Well, maybe a visit from
a couple of big brothers

would do him some good.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Listen, you'd be surprised
how that boy has grown.

But, you know, he just
stays out there by that barn..

sh**ting baskets all day.

Maybe, somebody oughta talk
him into playing for the Bears.

They need the talent.
You see that kid?

Bo! That's a great idea.

Rod being on the team, making
friends, that's what he needs.

It might be just
what we need too.

Boss'd do anything for County
bragging rights, wouldn't he?

Yeah, and the Bears ain't won
the peewee league in years.

Oh, I haven't lost my jump sh*t.
You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?

I think, I am. Why don't we
just give Boss Hogg a talking..

First thing tomorrow morning.

'Alright. Ha-ha.'

Next morning, the Dukes
showed Boss a plan

that would help
him, help the Bears..

And help themselves.

It's time to practice.
And I'm your coach now.

- Good grief.
- Yeah.

Mr. Hogg, we need
us a real coach.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Real?

- You say, you need real?
- Yeah.

Well, watch this.

My famous, Hogg hook.

You lose something, Boss?

I think we can do
something with it.

'Alright'.

Time to get a sh*t
out here. Come on.

Wait a minute..

Pass it around. Come
on. Pass it around.

- Come on, get going.
- Come on, let's go. Let's go.

- Listen, Boss...
- Rosco!

Rosco, I said can't
you do something?

Listen, let's just sit down
here and watch a little bit.

Look... oh... ooh.

Alright, junior. Come on,
here you go. Keep it going.

- Get a little chatter goin'.
- There you go.

- Oh, you know something?
- What?

- I may be saved.
- Who?

- I may be saved here. Ha-ha.
- Oh, you may be.

Hey, hey, Duke Boys!
Listen, I got your point.

Alright, hold the
ball. Hold the ball.

'Alright... you can
do the coaching.

It... What?

We'd sure like to help coaching,
Boss, for the kid's sake..

But, sh**t, we're due
in court in ten minutes.

Yes, so you are.
Well, I tell you what.

I'll just wave your appearance
at that court hearing..

For the time being.

Ah, well, how about you
just dropped the charges?

- Well, this can't...
- 'Please, Mr. Hogg.'

Can't the Dukes coach?

I said they were
going to coach, didn't I?

Listen Boss, you
let us off the hook

and we'll come up
with a secret w*apon.

Oh, good, goody, gumdrops.
I love secret weapons.

Yeah, secret w*apon, huh?
What kinda secret w*apon?

Yeah, what kinda secret w*apon?

You remember Rod Moffet?

Sure, I remember Shorty Muffet.

It's Moffet, Rosco. Besides,
he ain't short no more.

- He's almost six feet tall.
- Yeah, well, so what?

He's deadly with the
basketball, that's so what.

- He is?
- He is.

- Alright, you've got a deal.
- Oh, yeah.

Alright.

Only there's one
little itty bitty condition.

- Yeah, just itty and a bitty.
- Ain't there always?

- You gotta win!
- Yeah.

Or else... you hear?

You're gonna be back
in court, and off the roads

of Hazzard County, forever.

At least.

Alright, it looks like we're
back to practice. Now, come on!

Well, it seems the boys are
ain't out of the woods yet..

..'cause A.C. Tate and
Boss was negotiating..

And no good ever
comes out of that.

Well, same bet as last
year, Hogg? big ones?

Yeah, well, seeing it's you
now and not your daddy..

I was contemplating on,
uh, doubling that amount.

You must be drinking
that swill you serve.

Oh, don't tell me I'm gonna have
to let Chickasaw County know

that A.C. Tate Jr. can't move
in J.D. Hogg's financial circle.

Yeah, shame, shame.
Everybody knows your name.

Now, what kinda cheap
trick you planning, Hogg?

Oh, I'll tell you, what kinda
cheap trick he's planned.

Right this moment, those Duke
boys are on their way outta here

and they got that secret w*apon.

I'm talking about
a big tall muppet.

Oh-ho!

- The Moffet boy.
- 'Don't mind him.'

His brain has
turned to molasses.

No, no, no, I figure that, well,
that with the law of averages

and the home court
advantage this year that, uh..

It's just about
time for me to win.

- Yeah.
- Deal?

Law of averages, huh? I
figure, they're on my side.

It's a deal!

, big ones!

That's a deal.

Well, ol' A.C. Jr.
Wasn't no fool.

If Boss had a secret w*apon,
he aimed to get it for himself.

And stop the Duke boys to boot.

And he knew that with
the Hazzard bridge out..

The only way to Moffet
farm was through Chickasaw.

So, he got on the
horn to Sheriff Little.

Y'all know how Sheriff Little
feels about the Duke boys.

I want you to arrest
him and haul 'em in.

Thank you, Mr. Tate.
You just made my day.

They're violating their
parole and they're mine.

Uh-oh.

Oh, sh**t. It's Sheriff Little.

Friends, one thing you
don't wanna be is a Duke..

Facing Big Ed Little.

He hates the boys so bad,
he drew up plans for a new jail..

With Bo and Luke
as the foundation.

Dang me!

- He's better than I remember.
- You got that right.

This calls for the old
squeeze play. Hang on, cousin.

'I hate it when you do this.'

'Yee-aa-haw!'

Huh?

Now, if that had been Big Ed's
head, he wouldn't even stop.

Why, he wouldn't
have even slowed down.

sh**t, that ain't nothing.

You should've seen him
when Rachel b*rned the bridge.

Ah, they're livin in the motel
till he puts the house back.

Now, the boys figured
they'd have a problem..

Convincing Rod
to join the team..

But then they ain't
dealt with many mamas.

Appreciate what you're
trying to do for Rod..

But the Boar's Nest Bears.
That's J.D. Hogg's team, right?

In a manner of speakin',
Lou Ann, we're the coaches.

Yeah, and Boss Hogg, he
only sponsors the team anyway.

I don't know, I think Rod's
dad would turn over in his grave

if he knew his boy had
anything to do with J.D. Hogg.

'But it is Rod's decision.'

What do you say, Rod? You
want to play basketball or don't you?

I just don't know, Bo.

Don't feel much like being
around other kids right now.

Well, sh**t, Rod. You
wouldn't be just around kids..

You'd be around Luke and me.

Uncle Jesse and
Daisy would be there.

Yeah, what do you say?

I don't think I can just yet.

I guess we can understand that.

You got to do
what you got to do.

Oh, would you look
at there who's coming?

Well, at the worst
possible time..

Guess, who showed.

- More good news.
- Mm-hmm.

Mornin', Miss Moffet.
Mighty fine day, ain't it?

Ma'am.

I see you boys made
it up here, alright.

No thanks to your sheriff.

Well, let me get right
to the point, Miss Moffet.

Reason we come up here was
to talk to the boy about playing

a little basketball with
the Chickasaw Chiefs.

'I got me a nice financial
inducement for you too.'

My boy ain't for sale, Mr. Tate.

Now, now, now,
wait a minute, honey.

You don't refuse A.C. Tate.
We are talking cash money here.

You heard the lady,
Ruel. She ain't interested.

There ain't nothing you
can do for us, Mr. Tate..

But to get off our property.

Well, it's a shame you feel
that way. It's a crying shame.

Seein' as you and the
boy are here all alone..

And the only road here
is through my county.

Wait just a minute. Is
that some kind of thr*at?

No, I don't need
to thr*aten women.

If you should change your mind,
you be sure and let me know.

A.C. Tate and J.D. are two
rattlesnakes of the same nest.

You got that right.

Tell you what, we'll come next
week and fix 'em fences for you.

Maybe, we can play
a little one-on-one.

- We'll see y'all later. Bye.
- Bye now.

- Ready to run?
- Yeah.

To keep Boss from meddling
the team to a total disaster..

It was decided to hold the
training camp at Duke farm.

- Bye, Mr. Duke.
- 'Bye.'

Better catch up there, Charlie!

While Daisy lead the Bears
on a little cross country run..

Bo and Luke returned with
the bad news about Rod Moffet.

- Uncle Jesse.
- Dang it.

- Uncle Jesse, we ain't got Rod.
- No, he turned us down.

I don't know how we're gonna
get them kids ready by Friday.

At least to win.

I'll tell you how
you get 'em ready.

You gonna make a team
out of 'em... just like I did..

You and Bo and Enos and Cooter.

Enos was as coordinated
as a rock, when we started.

Yes, I remember, when we
first started playin', we were..

- Well, I was pretty bad.
- We were both pretty bad, Bo.

Oh, no.

'What's he doing here'?

There they are.

We got them kids here, so
they wouldn't be around Boss.

J.D., why don't you turn
that thing and get out of here?

We ain't got time to fool.

Well, who's fooling, Jesse?
Not me. No, sirree, Bob.

Listen, I brought
y'all a nice extra large

new uniform for
our secret w*apon.

Yeah, and speaking
of secret weapons

where is that giant muffet?

Moffet.

Truth is, he ain't gonna
be playing for the Bears.

What do you mean he
ain't gonna be playin'?

What are you Duke's
trying to pull here, now?

J.D., the boys
are doing their job.

Now, why don't you do yours
and just get off my property.

'Listen, we made a deal'

and we're gonna stick to it.
Them boys are do fine Friday.

Fine, fine, don't
butter my bread.

You better get that secret
w*apon back, you hear me?

- Or else..
- Yes.

Listen, I got your
probation papers with me.

'Yeah, just let me
read 'em to you..'

Alright, I'm gonna read from
the probation papers here.

Section A, "If the terms
of this probation ain't met..

The aforementioned
probationers.."

- That's you Dukes.
- That's you.

"will be locked up for
minimum days in county jail."

At least.

- Jail?
- 'Mm-hmm.'

And if you don't get
back that secret w*apon..

..and if you don't win
that game on Friday..

That's where you're going.

Yeah.

Now, this sheriff, here.

Alright, give 'em now. Take
that. Find your secret w*apon.

When Boss holds all the
cards, it don't just rain, it pours.

Listen then, going
to jail is serious.

Should've let me
drive in the first place.

Well, we better get
our practice studs on..

And be ready when
the Bears get back.

- Come on.
- Yeah.

Them boys have got themselves
between a rock and a hard place.

Jesse Duke, you better get
up and do some recruiting.

Go see that widow lady.

Just wish it weren't
Boss Hogg's team.

But Lou Ann, Bo and Luke are
not coaching the team to help J.D.

They're coaching
it to help them kids.

Why don't you see if
you can talk Rod into it?

It's really up to him.

Yes, it is, isn't it?

Pretty good. You know, if
you put a little more wrist

in that sh*t, it'll
sure soften it up.

Try it.

That's the way.
Heh-heh. You're good.

Who taught you?

- My daddy.
- Well, he sure taught you good.

Well, I don't think he taught
you to play here by yourself..

I think he taught
you to play on a team.

I don't want to, Mr. Duke.

Not just now anyways.

Still hurts, don't it?

Yes, sir. All the time.

I know how you feel.

Felt the same way
when my daddy passed.

'I didn't wanna leave the house,
just mope around all the time.'

But I had a wife then, Lavinia.

And she made me see that..

Life is for the living.

And you just gotta gather
it up and get on with it.

- Mama says that too.
- Your mama's right.

You know, God gives you talent..

And the way you use it
is how you pay him back.

Now, you got a lot of talent..

And it sure is a shame that..

You gotta waste it, when it
could be helping so many people.

- You mean the Bears?
- I mean the Bears.

And, uh, you might
be helping yourself.

What do you say?

Okay, Mr. Duke.

- I'll give 'em a try.
- That's all anybody can ask.

Hey, let's see if your
mama's got any of that pie left.

- Heh heh heh.
- Alright.

'Lou Ann, you got
any of that pie left?

Sure do.

So, Bo and Luke
got their star player..

And the Boar's Nest
Bears training camp

was officially open.

'Yeah. Alright.'

Things was looking good
'cause Rod was looking good.

And not just to the Dukes.

Now, ol' Boss had
promised to stay away..

But he couldn't resist
not taking a peek.

Secret w*apon is
back. They got him back.

- He can sure play basketball.
- Oh, goody!

We're gonna win,
Rosco. We're gonna win.

- We're gonna...
- Quit moving, will you?

And Boss wasn't the
only one taking a peek.

- 'Yeah.'
- 'That's the way to hit.'

That Moffet kid ain't half
bad. We still gonna take him?

Yeah, I think so.

What do you mean,
you think so, Ruel?

I do the thinkin',
you do the coachin'.

That night while the Bears
bedded down in the Duke barn..

The only things prowling
around were the possums..

Polecats and A.C. Tate Jr.

Rod. Rod Moffet.

- Who's that?
- It's me, A.C. Tate.

Come over here, boy.
I wanna talk to you.

Where's your mama?

You know my coach here,
Ruel McBride, don't you?

Hello, Mr. McBride.

What do you wanna talk
to me about, Mr. Tate?

To tell you the truth, Rod,
I'm here to apologize to you.

It was wrong to offer
your mama that money.

You know, Rod, a
man of my position..

Could be mighty helpful
for you and your mama.

What do you mean?

You're the man of the house
now. You got to protect your mama.

It'd just be a crying shame
if y'all lose your farm house..

'...over a dumb kid's game.'

What are you talking about?

We was kinda hoping
you'd change your mind

about playing for the Bears.

But I like playing
for the Bears.

Especially for the Dukes.

Can I please go back to bed now?

I'm gonna tell you something,
boy, and listen to me real good.

If I see you out there
on that court Friday..

You and your mama might
not have a roof over your heads.

'Do I make myself clear?'

Good. That's real good.

Now, you go on there,
get yourself in bed..

And think on it.

It sure is a shame what
a mess some adults

can make out of a kid's game.

'Alright, rise and shine.'

Come on, you guys, out of bed.

Come on, come
on. Come on, get up.

Daisy's got breakfast, then
we got ourselves a lotta practice.

- That's for sure.
- Come on, get up.

- Where's Rod?
- Huh? I don't know.

Don't look like he
slept in his bed all night.

Listen, go in the house,
and have Daisy call Lou Ann.

Alright.

Listen, you guys, get
your shoes and socks on.

We're gonna go
lookin' for Rod, alright?

Bo and Luke figured
they best check the road

to the Moffet Farm first.

Which meant
Chickasaw County and..

Doggone it,
Sheriff Little again.

Co-operate now or
I'll make you stop.

Sorry, sheriff, we ain't got
the time to be social with you.

- What are you doing?
- Open country.

- Hang on.
- Alright.

It's a good thing he promised
Rachel to control his temper.

While Jesse, Daisy and the kids
was scouring the countryside..

Luke had a pretty good
hunch where Rod might be.

- Mornin'.
- Hi.

What you been up to?

- Thinking.
- Oh, yeah?

Didn't wanna head home to mama?

No, can't run home to mama
every time I have a problem.

I remember a time when Luke
and I stopped running home to..

Uncle Jesse with ours too.

Speaking of problems,
did you solve yours yet?

No.

Mr. Tate and Mr. McBride
came by last night.

What'd they want?

They said they'd take the
farm if I played for the Bears.

Of all the dirty low down..

Listen, Rod, he
can't do that to you.

'He's just trying to scare you.'

- You sure?
- It's just talk, Rod.

That farm is bought and paid
for. Your dad made sure of that.

He can't do nothing
to you and your mom

as long as we're around.

We promise you that.

What say, we get
back to practice?

You got it.

- Alright, nice sh*t.
- Alright, come on.

- Alright.
- sh**t it.

Take it on up there, Tommy.

Alright, let's go.
Get back to our play.

- There you go! Real nice.
- Come on, Tommy.

They're lookin' awfully good.

A team. We got ourselves a team.

Well, it didn't take too long
in a small place like Hazzard

for A.C. Jr. to get wind that
Rod was back with the Bears.

And not wanting to be outdone..

He had a backup plan
that he knew wouldn't fail.

This time we'll make sure that
Moffet kid stays off the team.

Dukes or no Dukes.

Yeah.

Shucks!

Good morning, Mr. Tate.

Enos. How are you?

Just fine, Mr. Tate.

We don't see you around
these parts too often.

How are you? Boy,
you're sticking to duty.

I like that in a
deputy. Like it.

Mr. Tate..

You know, I need me a good
deputy over at Chickasaw.

- Yes, sir, but..
- Sure do.

I really appreciate
that, sir, but..

I've been here a long time.

'You know, Sheriff
Little ain't got one.'

Now, friends and neighbors,
I don't know what he's doing

but it can't be no
cause for celebration.

It was Hazzard's turn
to host the big game.

Which meant that
Boss had the monopoly

on the concession business.

Come on, folks. Step right
up. Get them while they last.

There are only two tickets left

for the Jefferson Davis
Hogg Memorial Bench.

- Right next to me and Flash.
- Or there's standing room only.

No, no, no. Not
you. Don't sit down.

You're supposed to be
working, ain't you? You and Enos.

- Oh, well..
- Go get them, start selling.

Enos, listen, I want you to
push the tutti-frutti, you know?

Just not popcorn and that
soft drinks. You push tutti-frutti.

- Go, "Get your tutti-frutti."
- Yes, sir.

Get your tutti-frutti.

- Alright.
- Oh, thanks.

Uncle Jesse was chosen
the official score keeper

timer and referee.

Because everyone knew
he was the most honest man

in six counties.

And there they come.
The Boar's Nest Bears.

All slickered up
just like in New York.

Here come the Chickasaw Chiefs.

Now, I don't wanna
put a dampener on this

but Chickasaw gets more
basketball scholarships

than any other
county in the state.

They start young.

Alright, let's go, team.

Now, fellas, they,
they ain't so good.

Come on, you guys. It's just
a lot of fancy running around.

Come on. Let's go, come on.

- Let's go, start her up.
- Come on, let's do this.

Alright, alright.
Captains and the coaches

to the centre of
the court, please.

Alright. Now, I
want a fair game.

You all know the
rules. So play fair.

Now, shake hands
and come out play.

Hold it. Hold on
everything here.

- I'm lodging a protest.
- A protest?

How can you lodge a protest?
We ain't even started the game yet.

You won't even gonna start
the game until I see some proof

of that Moffet boy's age.

- I heard he ain't .
- Yes, I am.

Ask my mama.

Mama ain't good enough,
boy. I need written proof.

And if you can't provide it,
well, you forfeit the game.

What are you saying?
Forfeit the game?

Over my dead body.

Why the heck should
we forfeit the game?

He's saying Rob's
lying about his age.

- What?
- 'Written proof, Hogg.'

'I need written proof.'

- We all know that Rod's .
- Yeah, of course, we do.

'Yeah, we all know that
he's , but the rule is a rule.'

'If he wants written proof,
we gotta give written proof.'

Written proof!

Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
there's going to be

a slight delay in the game.

But hang in there,
we'll be back shortly.

Let's get over to that court
house and get him written proof.

- Alright.
- Why not?

What's wrong?

Have you seen Lou
Ann Moffet anywhere?

Uh, no. I haven't.

Find her and bring
her to the courthouse.

- I'll fill you in later.
- Alright.

Well, according to this,
Rod Moffet is years old.

Oh, no. , it can't be.
Let me see this thing.

What is the date on
this? Alright, .

Forfeit the game, Hogg.

'Never.'

Listen, this smells to me like
somebody's been tampering

with these here
official records.

And I'll bet my boots, I
know exactly who it was.

- Namely, A.C. Tate, Jr.
- 'Yeah. Shame, shame.'

Oh, why would he want
to do a thing like that?

It's just a kids'
basketball game.

No. Why, why, why?

Well, it maybe a
kids' basketball game

but it was a man sized
bet that little muffin here

he bet $ , and
he... Would you please?

You mean you bet money on a
game these kids worked so hard for?

What?

So what if I made a
teenie-eenie little bit?

Yeah, little teenie.

'Yeah. I mean, it
don't change nothing'

'on account if I lose,
you Dukes do too.'

Well, documents don't lie.

And that Moffet kid is one
kid who ain't gonna play.

- But, but..
- J.D..

Until I get different proof

I'm afraid the
boy is disqualified.

Listen here, A.C.

You can just wipe that
smile right off your face.

On account of that
birth certificate's

got your finger
prints all over it.

- Oh, knock it off.
- Dagblast it.

Listen here. Rod
Moffet's never .

I don't care how tall he is.

Now, he doesn't
have one whisker.

You Duke boys better find
a way to prove how old he is

and get him right
back in the game.

Speaking of games, I gotta
get this one on the road.

I'm duty bound. Now, come on.

- sh**t.
- No, no.

I got an idea how
to prove he's

but, geez, we need
some more time.

Time? Oh, that's all you
need. Well, we can arrange that.

Oh, you kidding?
Of course, we can.

- How we gonna do it?
- Huh? Oh, come on.

Hey, what happened in there?

- A lot.
- Yeah?

Listen. Lou Ann, you
don't happen to have a copy

of Rod's original birth
certificate, do you?

Why?

Well, the records in the
Hazzard courthouse say he's .

He's . I oughta
know. I'm his mom.

- Where was he born?
- Capitol City Hospital.

I bet they have the
right records there.

I bet they do. Listen.
Here's the plan.

'We're gonna start
the game without Rod.'

And you take Daisy and head
over to Capitol City, alright?

We'll get the papers, bring it
back before the game's over.

- You do that.
- Alright.

Well, it is a long
way to the hospital.

And with the game about to start

things don't look
promising for the Dukes.

And look what's up ahead.

- Alright, hang on, Daisy.
- Uh-oh.

We ain't got time to
play cat and mouse now.

Somehow, there's more at
stake here than a basketball game.

Like a young fellow's
future. And the Dukes know it.

Huh?

Is he okay?

He doesn't look too happy,
Bo. But I think it's okay.

Ahh!

I'll just bet he don't give up.

Meanwhile, back
at the outdoor arena

a certain amount of
confusion had set in.

But it ain't fair. I am .

- I know you're .
- We gotta do something.

I mean, without Rod,
we don't have a chance.

Now, that ain't necessarily so.

Ya'll should be
proud about the way

you've come together this week.

You're gonna surprise me,
you may surprise yourselves.

The Bears was mighty upset.

And Boss was determined
to stall the start of that game

as long as he could.

Would you look at this, Rosco?

Yeah, it appears to me,
this ball has too much air in it.

Oh, definitely. That
sucker's too fat.

Let's see here. I just...

Oh, oh. Oh. Look at that.

You two, quit fooling
with the game ball.

This is so squishy
now, Boss, like you.

- Oh, yeah, it is.
- Quit stalling.

Ruel, get another ball.

I demand you start
this game, Jesse.

Yeah, but not with no
ball from Chicksaw County.

I demand that we use
an official basketball.

That's right.

You dang fools
let the air out of it.

Start the game, Jesse.

Uh, J.D., he's right.
We gotta start the game.

Lou, start the game with
whatever ball you can find.

'You get on in there and
get what we need, and..'

'...we get out of here
before Sheriff Little spots us.'

Now hurry up, Daisy.

'sh**t.'

While Bo was trying to avoid
Sheriff Little on the streets

of Capitol City, Jesse
was starting the game.

And if Daisy don't
hurry with them records

Bo might as well let
Sheriff Little catch him

'cause the Bears will
lose and the Duke boys

will be going to jail anyhow.

sh**t, don't you ever give up?

Nothing was going right

and the Boar's Nest
Bears was trailing to .

No, no. Don't let him.

Uh, uh, make that to .

Meanwhile, back at the
hospital, Bo and Sheriff Little

was wearing a groove
in the pavement.

Bo. Bo. I got it!

Come on. Let's get out of here.

'Well, we got the proof now.'

'But it's not gonna do any good
unless we get it to the game.'

Uncle Jesse, you've
gotta give me every second

of this half-time. Bo
oughta be back any minute.

I'll give you what I can,
but I can't break any rules.

That's all you can do.

Back at the game, Daisy
still hadn't showed up.

And the game was half over.

Now, we're holding our own.

Guys, that isn't
too bad a first half

but we gotta keep
pressing them, alright?

Yeah, you can do
it. Don't stop sh**t.

Yeah, okay. We'll try.

Alright. Let's warm up for
the second half. Come on.

Number , number
. That's a foul.

Eleven. Two sh*ts, two sh*ts.

Hang in there.
You stay with him.

Bo and Daisy should be
back by now. Where are they?

Don't worry Lou
Ann. They'll be here.

Yeah!

Now, he's gotta try it again.
I can't look. I can't look.

Hey, Boss. You want
one of your hot dogs?

- It's all filler and no meat.
- No, I can't eat.

Yes, I can.

Yeah!

Daisy, he's got too much
weight to go over this.

'Oh! Oh God.'

'You know, he ought
to be real grateful to us.'

'We done got the county
to buy him a new patrol car.'

Good thing he ain't
eating at a drive in.

There ain't nowhere
to hang a tray.

Hmm.

Time out, time out.

Time, time.

Here it is, here it
is. We got the proof.

Let me see, let me see.

Give me that, give me that, J.D.

The boy is . He plays.

That don't matter,
it don't matter.

Even with that kid,
you ain't gonna win.

- You wanna bet?
- Oh, Boss, you already bet.

Now, just leave it be.

Alright, let's play. Come on.

Good on you, good on you!

Now, that's more like it.

With the grown-up's out of
the way, and Rod in the game

the Bears started
to close the gap.

Foul him now.

Stomp his feet in the ground!

That tears it!

Time out, ref, time out.

Get down here, boys. Come on.

I told you boys to play physical

but that Moffet
boy is still standing.

'Time to stay
cool now. We got..'

'Fifteen seconds.'

'We got seconds
left in the game.'

If them Chiefs score, bring
it down on the fast break

and hit Rod
underneath. You got it?

Yeah.

One, two, three, cheers!

He nearly tricked you too.

Right here, right
here. You okay?

Alright. Right here.

Red ball, red ball
going down. Red ball.

Here you go. Get it in.

Nail him! Nail that boy!

'Five seconds.'

Five seconds.

Come on, come on.

Da-da-da. Hey, there.
Wait a minute, A.C.

Alright. Don't forget
that little bet of ours.

Now cough it up.
, semolians.

- , big ones.
- Come on, come on.

That's all mine
too. That's the idea.

Uh, excuse me, Boss.
Now, hold on a minute.

Seems to me like you might
wanna donate that money

to the Children's Sport center.

Donate? Oh, you've been
standing in the sun too long.

Ladies and gentlemen, I've
got an announcement to make.

Now, listen..

'J.D. Hogg, our noble county
commissioner has just donated'

'$ , towards the building
of our new sports arena.'

He already made
that announcement.

Now, I gotta do it to
keep good public relations.

Thank you, Boss.

I'm proud of you,
you little rascal.

'No, I don't care.'

Well, everything turned
out just fine now, didn't it?

The Bears won the game,
and the Dukes kept the General

and stayed out of jail.

Boss didn't lose his
bet, didn't win it either.

And everybody celebrated
with free hot dogs and soda pop..

Courtesy of Boss.