03x05 - The Princess and the Pee

[bunniefuu]

previously on l.a. Law...

I'm gonna k*ll you!

Playing games?

- Get back!
- You don't say no to me!

[g*nshots] ah! Ah! Ah!

He kept coming
and so i... I sh*t him!

I sh*t a guy once.

I had the whole
thing... Flashbacks,

Night sweats, the denial.

When it gets hard to handle,

- Give me a call, okay?
- Okay.

I wanna have a baby
ann what about you?

I'll be darned if I'm
gonna let you railroad me

Into caving in on something
so unpleasant, stuart!

Fine.

It takes two!

[Phone beeps] you keep
forgetting that, stuart.

You could have world
class olympic sperm,

It still takes two.

Aren't you douglas brackman?

I'm sorry! Do I know you?

We have a lot of
friends in common.

- Like who?
- Your wife.

Uh-oh!

Summons and complaint.

Alright! We have a lot
of ground to cover.

So why don't we get started.

Fire away, arnie.

We're already in
agreement on the children.

The house goes to sheila.

Douglas provides
dollars a month in maintenance

And continues to
pay the utilities.

Place in santa barbara
gets sold and proceeds split.

Unless, you wanna hold on to it.

No-no!

Douglas establishes a trust fund

For the kids' education to
be administered by sheila.

Sheila's interest in
mckenzie brackman,

To be bought out
for , dollars,

Payable upon execution.

- Sounds good so far... Sheila?
- It's fine.

Sheila takes the jaguar,
douglas takes the mercedes,

And maintains the
insurance on both.

The stamp collection
inherited from douglas' father

And augmented with
community assets

Will be retained by douglas.

Only because it's
a link to my father.

It's fine, really.

Well, that's substantially it.

I've prepared a
schedule of everything

So you can verify the figures.

Great!

Well! I must say
I never expected

Such an amicable
get-together, arnie,

- Stan...
- Yes, one more thing,

Your place in the
brackman family plot...

What about it?

I'm keeping it for you.

I want the ages to
find us together.

That's a beautiful gesture.

Actually douglas, I'd just as
soon make my own arrangements.

Anyway it's there
if you want it.

Just a second, arnie.

Sheila, we have a prime location

At encino knolls
overlooking the golf course.

Our sons will join us
when their time comes.

If you remarry,

Your future husband
can even be interred there.

I have an option in
the entire hillside.

Sublet it, you'll
make out great.

In any event, it's
only a minor detail.

We can always work
it out in the papers.

Just a minute.

I want us laid to
rest as a family.

But we're not a family.

We have kids.

Married or not,
you're their mother,

I'm their father,

Can't our only real
permanent address

Finally acknowledge that?

If I thought I was going
to be buried with you,

That alone would give me the
will to go on living forever.

- What's goin' on?
- Uh, victor, peace offering,

Lakers game, thursday
night, what you say?

- Great news!
- Alright.

What's the word
on abby, michael?

- She's cleared.
- Good!

The da is satisfied that
she sh*t him in self-defense

And that the g*n was legal.

Any other referrals to
send her way, douglas?

Shall we get started?

First of all,

Since there seems to be
some perverse pleasure

In ignoring my repeated request

To cut back on the flagrant
waste of paper goods

Around here,

I've taken some
unilateral action.

Beginning tomorrow,

Reusable cloth towel dispensers

Will be installed
in both lavatories.

- Duly noted.
- And how goes
the amanda shaw libel case?

Trial starts a week from today.

I have better than six
full cartons of depositions

To go through by then.

Are you all available, victor?

I have a court
appearance tomorrow,

But I can give you some
time after that, yeah.

- Alright - israel et
al vs. Lawler milacron

Yeah, it's me. It's a
shareholder derivative suit

And lawler's house counsel
brought us in to help b*at it back.

And I'm gonna need some help,

Chasing down the
bonafides of the plaintiffs.

I'm preparing the castellano
case for trial but...

Sure, I'll squeeze it in.

I really appreciate it.

We need to get some
new associates in here.

No kidding.

Who do you think
placed ads in the paper

And spent the last week and
a half interviewing people?

Anyone even close?

No, a singularly
unimpressive lot, so far

Well, we'll keep looking,
that's all we can do.

You know, for what
it's worth a guy I'm up

Against in the tecowsky
case would be great!

- Who is it?
- Richard mathers,

A sole practitioner. He's
really great on his feet.

I went up against him in the
salamander case. He is good.

What's his background?

University of pennsylvania, ' .

Does a lot of
commercial litigation.

I dated a girl who
was in that class.

Why don't you check him out?

How goes the case, michael?

Well, I offered to throw
in the policy one last time

And they turned it down.

We should have upped the offer!

No. I disagree.

Gil tecowsky
sold this guy a car.

This guy gets in an accident.

Where's the liability?

It was a souped up car!

The plaintiff was
incompetent to drive it.

That doesn't mean
our guy's on the hook.

He's the one that souped it up.

Well, there's nothing
negligent about selling a guy

A gto tri-power

If that's what he wants to buy!

Personally, I fail
to see the appeal.

Really?

Not me. I had a ' impala,

Lifted front and
back, candy paint,

And a set of gold batons
with sportaways all around.

(Spanish) it's my
carrucha fin may se.

To think I traded that
all in for a briefcase

And a japanese
sedan. [All chuckle]

Well... When I was a child,

I spake as a child,

I understood as a child,

I thought as a child.

But when I became a man,

I put away childish things.

For now, we see
through a glass darkly,

But then... Face to face.

Ain't that the truth.

[police car sirens]

[Door knocks]

Lieutenant ringstrom's
here to see you?

Thank you.

Ms. Perkins.

- Hi!
- Hi!

- How're you holding up?
- Fine.

Glad to hear. Oh, uh.

I'm returning your g*n.

Um... Could you
put it back, please.

Sure. I thought you
might have wanted it back.

Not yet. Um... I can't.

I'm sorry. I-i-i should
have contacted you

Before I brought it over.

[Sighs] couldn't
even look at it.

Abby, someone tried to
k*ll you, you didn't let them.

So, how come I keep
crying for no reason?

How come all I can think about

Is what those
little b*ll*ts did?

His whole body jerked
every time he was hit.

I must play it back in
my head in slow motion

A hundred times a day

Why don't you think
about taking some time off?

Cause I only have a
handful of cases as it is

And I can't afford
to let any of 'em go.

Can't you put them on
hold for a little while?

How can I put them on hold?

I have two trials
starting this month.

I have... I have a client
who's fighting an eviction.

I said I'd write a habeas corpus
writ for some guy who's in prison.

And I don't even have any idea where
my next month's rent is coming from.

Plus I have to interview
some biker in fontana

Who I need as a witness
but I've been putting that off

Mostly because I
am scared to death.

Would it help if went along?

- I can't ask you to do that.
- Why not?

I moonlight for
attorneys all the time,

My fees are reasonable

And if you need to...

You can always run a tab.

The thing is, I have
to do it tomorrow.

I'll pick you up.

Here we are.

Oh boy, a door prize!

See that?

Whoever said that going to
the gynecologist wasn't fun?

Okay... What do I do?

Your vaso-temperature chart

Shows your regular
monthly ovulation...

The kit uses a urine sample
to pinpoint exactly when.

Given stuart's sperm count,
the odds are against you

But at least you'll be able
to maximize your chances.

Doesn't sound very
romantic, does it?

Wanting babies is
what is romantic.

Steps you take don't have to be.

I'll try to remember that.

How are you two managing?

Oh, we've been better...

It's not an easy thing.

Stuart always thought it would
just be a matter of making up his mind...

He has a hard time accepting
the fact that it's not.

What about you?

Oh, I dunno, karen...

The thought of never
really being pregnant...

Feeling the baby kicking...
You know, the whole thing...

(Sigh) that makes me pretty sad.

Ann, listen, I know how
much this means to you,

And you're doing
everything you can.

Don't give up!

I won't, thanks!

You're saying then that your
husband was a terrible driver?

It was a standing joke
among everyone who knew him.

We were just glad
that he drove slowly.

After he bought the
"hot rod" in question,

Did you ever
ride with him in it?

Object to the term "hot rod."

Sustained.

After he bought the modified
pontiac gto in question,

Did you ever
ride with him in it?

Only once.

I refused to after
that. I was terrified.

It skidded all over the place.

It-it lurched when
he started it up.

It was obvious that he
didn't know how to control it.

I ask that the witness' response be
stricken in its entirety, your honor,

To the extent that
she is testifying

As to the specific driving
capabilities of her husband

Or the behavior of an automobile

She is wholly unqualified.

She's testifying
to what she saw.

Well, she was in her
own words "terrified."

I'll allow the answer,

But I'd like you to
move on mr. Mathers.

Could you tell us what

Special care your husband
requires, ms. Toland?

Objection! She's not
qualified as a doctor either.

She doesn't have to be a doctor.

She lives with him.

Overruled. Gentlemen, please!

Barry has to have someone
with him at all times.

I work during the day now,

So we have a nurse
five days a week.

He...

He needs physical therapy,

Anti-seizure medication,

And monthly examinations.

Look at him...

This bright, bright man,

College professor
before he was ,

This terrific talker
doesn't talk anymore!

Knowing the way he used
to be and seeing him now,

I'm only sorry that

He knows the difference.

I have no further questions.

[ina continues to sob]

Would you like to
take a few minutes?

No. I-i-i'm... I'm fine.

Ms. Toland,

Did your husband characterize
himself as a terrible driver?

No.

What man does?

None that I know of.

In fact,

Didn't your husband,
like most men,

Think of himself as a
simply sensational driver?

Objection.

Witness is in no position to
know what her husband thought.

Sustained.

Ms. Toland,

Did you ever tell your husband
that you were against him

Buying this gto?

Yes, I did! Of course!

He said that it was the
quintessential muscle car

And that he could handle it.

But, he was just
bragging though?

No.

It was more like he was
trying to convince himself.

Do you suppose that he was
just bragging to gil tecowsky

When he went to buy the car?

My husband had a
natural curiosity

About a great many things.

He was a scholarly man,

Not this bragger that
you're making him out to be!

If I've offended
you, I apologize.

Let me suggest...

That it was his
very scholarliness

Which permitted him

To assimilate massive
amounts of arcane detail

Which he would then spew forth

In an attempt to impress
whomever he was talking to...

Objection.

Counsel's making a speech.

Let me suggest

That he set out to
convince the defendant

Not only that he was
capable of driving that car

But that he was
also an old hand at it.

Your honor, I've lodged
an objection, I want a ruling.

What's the question, mr. Kuzak?

Doesn't that sound like
your husband, ms. Toland...

Doesn't that sound like what

This terrific talker would do?

[Begins to sob]

I have no further questions
at this time, your honor.

Mike! Hang on.

I checked out richard mathers.

- Oh yeah... What's the book on him?
- There is none.

My friend who went to the university
of pennsylvania never heard of him.

Martindale-hubbell
doesn't list him.

The california state
bar association,

The american bar association

Have absolutely
no record of him.

How can that be? They got
a record of every lawyer!

That's right.

What are you trying to tell
me, that he's not a lawyer?

Never went to law school,
never passed the bar,

Never got admitted in
this state or any other.

Excuse me. [Lift bell
rings] [doors creak]

Now, you have my
resume, mr. Brackman.

- I do, indeed.
- I'll be expecting your call.

Excellent! Thanks for coming in.

By the way, I like the
organizational dynamics

I see around here.

I think I could play a role.

You at all close to
a decision douglas?

Nussbaum has been calling
me like every half hour.

I never thought a grave would
matter that much to me, arnie.

Well, I've gotta tell you, it's about
the stupidest argument I've ever heard.

Everything you're asking for

Is totally unenforceable
from your end

And costs her nothing.

The fact that you two feel
fit to make it a deal breaker

Tells me you're still
looking to stay attached.

Did it ever occur to you

That I might just be a little
terrified of the great beyond?

That I might just want
to surround myself

With the people
I've been closest to?

That there just might be
some strength in numbers?

What numbers?

No matter who
you're lying next to,

You go out of this life alone.

- I don't wanna go out alone!
- No?

It's as much a part of being human
as what you're doing right now.

So is wanting a family.

Douglas...

A cluster of
tombstones is not a family.

You need to let her go,

You need to get on
with your own life.

Am I right, benno?

Uh, right, arnie.

You long for peace,
you long for stability,

But your emotions keep you on a
rollercoaster ride through hell.

[Door opens] ann!
Oh, madame curie...

[Sighs in frustration]
[door slams]

So tell me,

Now are we close to
a breakthrough yet?

You just made me spill urine
allover the "shaw complaint."

Darn it!

Maybe you should
put a little red light

Or something outside your door?

Maybe I should just
check into a sanatorium.

[Sighs]

I have the "shaw trial"
starting this week.

I have the "voorhis appeal"
due the first of next month.

I'm about to get
hit with sanctions

If I don't provide
jeff little's firm

With discovery
thereafter in cafluets

And what am I doing? This!

So tell me...

Has the magic dot appeared yet?

As a matter of fact, it has.

- Great.
- [Sighs]

Good, okay, good.

So, figure on sex twice within
the next three days, good. Go.

You... Uh,

You wanna be a little
more precise about that?

I mean I've got a pretty
busy week myself.

I mean, what is exactly
our window of opportunity?

Alright, stuart,

Starting within
the next hours

And, uh, lasting for hours.

Alright, so that means...

Any time between now

And am thursday
until am friday!

Right.

Alright.

I can plan my week.

- Would you excuse me, please?
- Yeah...

Tell me this. Am I the first
to find out about you?

Find out what?

You must have known that some
day someone will check you out.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Oh, I think you know exactly

What I'm talking
about, counselor.

Come on.

Looks like I have a problem.

[Sighs] we both got a problem.

If I go to the court right now
with what I know about you,

There'll be an
a*t*matic mistrial.

Since my client has spent
more than , dollars

In legal fees and waited more
than three and a half years

To get this little
matter resolved,

He doesn't wanna mistrial.

Get to the punchline.

Recommend that your client
accept this settlement offer.

Would you sell out your
client to protect yourself?

I don't consider
it a sell out...

There was a reasonable
offer before we went to trial,

It's an even more
reasonable offer now.

You think I got you b*at mike?

If I thought you had me b*at,

I'd go in there and have a
mistrial declared right now.

You wanna turn
me in, turn me in.

But don't thr*aten to expose
me as a way to jack up my client.

No settlement?

On the terms you're
offering. No chance.

- Okay!
- What are you gonna do?

Excuse me?

I'm looking for randy huggins.

So?

Someone told me I
could find him here.

Who told you that?

I'm a lawyer, I
represent val necko.

I don't talk to lawyers.
It's against my religion.

Excuse me!

You're a lawyer too?

No, actually I'm a lieutenant

With the los angeles
police department.

And just looking around,

I notice you've got
an inebriated patron

Asleep on your premises,

You're smoking a
cigarette behind the bar,

Both violations of the alcoholic
beverage commission plus...

I'd just bet the water

You're washing those glasses
in isn't quite hot enough.

The guy with the
long hair, playing pool.

I appreciate it.

Randy huggins?

Who's asking?

My name's abigail perkins.

And...

I'd like to talk to
you about val necko.

Your testimony
might be the only thing

That keeps him out of prison.

Val necko...

I've never heard of
no val necko before.

You his old lady, or something?

No, I'm his attorney.

She'san itty bitty
thing, ain't she?

Just your type.

I bet if you take
off your shirt,

Randy'll tell you
whatever you wanna know.

Hey!

Now, she just wants to
ask you a few questions.

So why don't you
give her a break, huh?

What're you? A cop?

Why? You doin'
something illegal?

I'm playin' pool.

Ball in the corner.

Oh, come on now, fellas!

Are you gonna make
her get a subpoena?

Hey, you're in my way.

Come on, bill.

Forget about it,
let's just go okay?

Yeah, take your girlfriend
and get out of here.

Betteryet, you split and
leave the chick with us.

Think you'd like that baby?

Hey... You're being rude

Take your fingers
outta my chest.

Why? Am I hurting you?

Not nearly as much
as I'm gonna hurt you.

Drop it.

Mr. Tecowsky, would you please
describe your business for us?

I have a shop in redondo beach

Where I restore and modify
american performance cars,

Gto's, chevelles, cudas...

Mhmm, and when barry
toland came into your shop,

What exactly did he say?

He said he wanted to buy a goat.

Which you took to
mean... A pontiac gto.

And did you ask him if he'd ever
driven a car like that before?

No sir, I did not!

Why's that?

B-because h-h-he talked
like a... Like an expert,

Like he had driven
one all of his life.

Thank you.

I have no further
questions, your honor.

Mr. Tecowsky,

How is the gto that
mr. Toland purchased from you

Different from one he could
have bought at a pontiac dealer?

You want me to be specific?

I want you to be very specific.

I, uh, bored out the engine,

Put in oversized pistons,

Edelbrock manifold,
hedman headers,

Holley carbs, isky cam...

Even more of a muscle
car than the stock model?

You could say that, yeah.

Quicker off the
line, more power,

Shorter response time?

Object to counsel's commentary.

Sustained. Strike it.

That isky cam was modified

To what's known as
three-quarter race, right?

- That's right.
- That made the car
rev a lot faster

- Than a stock gto, didn't it?
- Yeah.

It also made it far more apt
to lurch forward, didn't it?

Calls for a conclusion.

He's qualified to
make a conclusion.

Yeah, the witness can answer.

It would only lurch forward

If ya didn't know
how to drive it.

Exactly. Thank you.

Now... That being the case,

Didn't you think it
prudent to take mr. Toland

For a little ride
around the block to see

If he did know how to drive it?

There was no reason
to think that he didn't!

He came in knowing
exactly what he wanted.

I don't think he wanted
to be brain damaged

For the rest of his life!

Objection!

Sustained and stricken.

I didn't send for this
guy! I ain't no hustler!

I do what I do for people
who like to drive fast cars!

That's enough mr. Tecowsky.

I'm sorry judge. I don't
get... W-why is this my fault?

The man's a big sh*t professor.

I didn't even finish
the eighth grade.

Why should I look out after him?

Because you knew
what you were doing.

And he didn't. That's why.

[lift bell rings]

Grace!

- Hi!
- Hi!

I heard you were
assigned the necko case.

Yeah. Think we can plead
it out. Go have lunch?

Well, my guy will still be
facing a parole violation.

Oh, he's not expecting
accommodation from the mayor, is he?

What I really need
is a continuance.

Well, it'd put
me in a bad spot...

I have two witnesses
down here ready to testify.

All I'm looking for is a week.

You've had two
continuances already,

You ask for another one, the
judge is gonna pin your ears back.

Not if you don't oppose it.

He's not gonna care
if I oppose it or not!

This is mcgrath we're
talking about, abby.

Look, grace, I'm a
little shaky right now.

Can't you, of all
people, understand that?

Yes.

That's why I think that you
should let them reassign

A few of your cases and give
yourself the time you need.

Thank you very much.

I'll take my chances
with mcgrath.

People vs. Valentine necko

Your honor, may I
approach the bench?

Your honor, the people aren't
ready to proceed at this time.

- What?
- My apologies to the court.

But I respectfully request
a two-week continuance.

Your predecessor assured me
that this one was ready to go?

I know your honor.

He told me there'd
be no more delays.

My present calendar
just got hopelessly...

And he especially promised
me that I wouldn't have to hear

Any excuses about
how busy anybody was.

Two-week continuance,

Marked final against both sides.

Next case.

People vs. Lawrence edward cohen

This one yours
too, ms. Van owen?

Yes it is, your honor.

You gonna ask me for
another continuance?

No your honor.

The people are ready to proceed.

Well, how nice?

Thank you.

Who's next?

Dorothy weiler.

Ms. Weiler.

Hello.

You clerked for judge gladwin?

Yes.

You were an associate
at hawborn bullock.

Have a seat.

You did lot of
appellate work, I see.

I was never really a
courtroom person,

But I know my way
around a law library.

Where have you been since ?

Well, I stopped work
when my youngest was born.

She just turned .

I find myself recently
divorced, so here I am.

You've been gone quite a while.

My skills will be a little
rusty, but I'll get them back.

I've taken a few
courses with pli and...

One thing I've never been
accused of is being lazy.

Ms. Weiler, I admire
your determination,

But I'm wondering
if you've forgotten

What it's like to be
a junior associate

In a busy firm?

In other words, is
a -year-old woman

Prepared to take orders
from an associate half her age?

Well... Yes?

Why on earth would you wanna
put yourself through all that?

Compared to my divorce,

Let me tell you, it's nothing.

Papers on mine were
supposed to be filed this week.

I'm sorry.

I must say as miserable
as we were together,

The emotional
reality of divorce,

The sense of personal failure...

Has devastated me.

I was devastated too.

There are still mornings
when I lie there thinking

That there isn't a solitary
person in the world

Who'd notice whether
or not I got out of bed.

The mornings are the
worst time for me too.

You're drifting in
and out of sleep,

Reliving other
mornings from years ago.

The kids were little
and they'd climb into bed,

The whole family burrowing
underneath the blankets,

All sleepy, and warm.

Only now when
you open your eyes,

The kids are gone.

Your wife is gone.

And there's no
one there but you.

It isn't always easy to let
go and get on with things.

You've done it.

Only because I looked
at my life for what it was

Instead of what I'd
hoped it would be.

Sometimes we want things to
be a certain way so badly, we...

Lose sight of the
way they really are.

Ultimately, I didn't
let go of the marriage.

I let go of an illusion.

Anyway...

I'm sure you're not that
interested in my personal life.

I have a feeling I'm not
what you're looking for.

Thank you for your
time, mr. Brackman.

Ms. Weiler,

I have to talk to my
partners but, uh...

Would you be able
to start monday?

The defendant profits

By providing driving
enthusiasts with cars

Designed for maximum
thrills and minimum safety.

Now I don't think I'm
being unreasonable

In asking that he take
a few basic precautions

So that these lethal instruments

Not be lurching out of
control on our streets.

When he sold that
car to barry toland,

He set in motion an
accident waiting to happen

And for that, he was
horrendously negligent...

To the plaintiffs

And to each and every one of us

Who drive, who walk,

Or who guide our
children across the street.

My client

Had a professorial
love of popular culture.

He liked the sound of
saying he had a ' goat.

But he didn't have a clue what
it would be like to drive one.

He never considered
that if he shifted wrong,

The rear end would seize up,

The wheels would lock,

And he would be sent
speeding into a concrete wall.

Now, I think gil tecowsky
had an obligation

To ascertain the degree
of barry toland's expertise.

All it would've taken was
a ride around the block,

But if he had warned him, it
might have cost him the sale.

Justice demands

That his negligence
costs him more.

Much more.

Wouldn't it be great

If we could all be
protected from ourselves?

Steep ski slopes
could be made gentle,

So that the clumsy
wouldn't fall.

Raging rivers could be dammed,

So that the inexperienced
wouldn't drown.

Spirited horses could be broken

So the neophyte
wouldn't the thrown.

Our lives would all
be made a little safer

And a little duller

Until one day, we'd look up

And wonder what
had become of us?

If you find for the
plaintiff in any degree,

If you impose on an honest
tradesman like gil tecowsky,

The obligation to be
a surrogate parent

For every person
who walks into his shop,

Then you will wipe him out!

Richard mathers might say
that's a small price to pay.

After all, who wants these
gas guzzling speedsters

Racing down our streets anyway?

Well, I'm here to tell
you that if we lose

The gil tecowskies
of this world,

We lose something
of ourselves as well.

If we straightjacket the genius,

If we punish the audacity
found in the back allies

And industrial flats
of this country,

If we judge a product

Solely on its safety in the
hands of the incompetent,

Then we will find ourselves
living under the tyranny

Of the mediocre

In a land where the lowest
common denominator rules.

Now, we can feel bad for
what happened to barry toland

Without relieving him
of the responsibility

For bringing it about. But...

If we blame gil tecowsky,

We punish the
dreamer for his dreams

And we reduce every last
one of us in the process.

"On the charges of negligence,

Fraud, and breech of warranty,

We find for the defendant"

At this time, I would
like to thank the jury

For its time and
patience... Your honor,

I move that the court
set aside the verdict

And declare a mistrial.

On what grounds?

The plaintiffs were
not represented

By an attorney at law.

They were represented by you?

I'm not an attorney, your honor.

And even though these people
didn't know anything about it,

Counsel for the defense did,

Thereby placing me at
a severe disadvantage

In terms of a
negotiating posture.

Gentlemen, in my chambers.

Jury is to be held.

Your honor, the
paramount issue here

Must be the interest
of the parties,

Not the misconduct
of an attorney

Or an individual
serving in that capacity.

Excuse me, I'll
get to you later.

Mr. Kuzak,

Are you at all familiar
with the canon of ethics

As it pertains to an
attorney's obligation

When he discovers the
unauthorized practice of law?

Your honor...

When he is made aware of the
ongoing commission of a crime?

Forgive me your honor,

But I didn't think that my
client should be victimized

By this man's fraud.

He didn't hesitate to
try to victimize my clients

With his own
opportunism, though.

Thank you, mr. Mathers.

You weren't going to say
anything unless you lost.

Is that right, mr. Kuzak?

All I was doing was trying
to mitigate the damage.

That isn't your role!
When you found out,

You had an obligation to
reveal what you knew, period!

With all due
respect, your honor,

Mr. Mathers may be
lacking in character,

But his clients receive
legal representation

At least as good as that provided
by most of the licensed practitioners

To be found in these curts.

That in no way vitiates
the need for a mistrial.

There is a presumptive
conclusion

That a party can receive
adequate representation

Only from an attorney
licensed to practice.

The tolands got a fair trial,

Justice isn't served
by declaring it void.

Thank you for your
commentary gentlemen.

Mr. Kuzak, despite
your rhetoric,

You are party to
defrauding this court.

I'm declaring this a mistrial,

And I'm referring you to the disciplinary
committee of the bar association.

You can tell them

How you were trying to
serve the interests of justice.

Mr. Mathers...

Is this the first
case you've lost?

[Sighs] no.

Then why the confession now?

Because these people
were more innocent

And more ruined than any
clients I ever had before,

That's why. They had
terrific lives then... Wham!

The bottom fell out.

Placed their trust in me
to try to obtain for them

A little financial security.

It seems like
honoring that trust

Is a little more important
than covering my butt.

Gene, will you come in here?

[Clears throat]

You're a smooth, mister.

But I suspect that whatever
you'll call yourself,

Whatever trade
you'll appear to ply,

First, last, and forever,

You'll always be a conman.

Lock mr. Mathers up.

- Hi.
- Hi!

Sit down.

- You, uh... Wanna beer?
- Sure.

- There ya go.
- Thank you.

- Here.
- What's this?

Sworn statement
from randy huggins.

I believe it gives your client
just what he's looking for.

How'd you get it?

I can be very persuasive.

He's not gonna die
of internal injuries

Never laid a hand on him?

Never laid a hand on him.

Must have ice
water in your veins.

Don't you believe it I've
just learned a few tricks

To make it look that way.

Hey!

Come on, now, take it easy.

Here, here!

I'm sorry.

[Sighs]

It's just that a lot of
people had been doing me

A lot of favors lately.

And it makes me feel
so helpless like...

Like I can't take
care of myself.

Which I guess I can't
very well right now.

Listen to me.

I k*lled a guy who
was holding a hostage,

Put six sh*ts in his head

While he was holding a
Kn*fe to a woman's throat.

So, I'm a big hero, right?

My picture's in the
paper, the whole thing.

A month later, I'm
on medical disability,

Sitting home all day
with the shades drawn,

Drinking vodka and
watching television.

Now, I'm not a hero.

I'm just a basket case.

Well you managed to pull
yourself together pretty well.

Little by little you
put it behind you.

How?

Don't try to pretend
it didn't happen.

I mean don't try
to tough it out.

When it gets rough, call me.

You're not alone!

Can you take this
good care of everyone?

No, the truth is I don't.

But I've got a wicked
crush on you, abigail.

You might as well know it.

[Sighs]

Oh, boy!

Hey, it's... It's not
gonna be a problem,

If you wanna keep
it strictly business,

That's fine.

No, that's not okay.

Because I'm
attracted to you too.

With that said, you'll
excuse me, I have to get home.

Wait, wait a minute. Uh,
shouldn't we talk about this?

There's nothing to talk about.

Bill, this is a mistake that
is not going to happen.

- Excuse me.
- As attracted to you as I might be,

I'm not looking
for a hot weekend.

Neither am i!

Well, I don't have time in
my life for anything more.

I have a seven-year-old
son to raise,

I have a struggling law
practice to contend with,

- And I keep...
- Let me help!

No!

It won't work, i...

I'm the basket case right now.

I don't trust any of my impulses

And I don't wanna have
to pick up the pieces

When I turn out to be wrong

Would you consider
allowing for the possibility

That your impulses
just might be right?

No.

Good night?

Hey, still not ready to go home?

I'm not even close.

So what're we supposed to do?

Tonight's the night!

I can't help it, I have
to prepare for trial.

It's like I've been hearing about
that trial for a month now.

What do you wanna do? You
wanna forget about it or what?

[Sighs] now's the time.

Let's do it now.

- Right here?
- Why not?

'Cause this is a law
office, that's "why not."

You know what, stuart?
I don't really care.

Do you think I've been
hunched over my test pads

And medicine droppers trying
to calculate the right time,

Only to have you tell me
you don't like the atmosphere?

Yeah, well, pardon
me for being a prude,

But I generally like
to confine this activity

To privacy of a bedroom.

Well, we don't have that luxury.

Let's go! Take off your pants.

Fine.

Hi!

What do you want?

Just to talk to
you for a minute.

Look, I've got some
things to be sorry about.

Not the least of which
was that whole business

About the grave.

I know it's important to you.

Forget I ever mentioned it.

Arnie will draw
up the papers and...

Send 'em over to nussbaum,

Just like we said.

You mean it?

Yeah.

It would be good to
get it done with douglas.

Are the kids home?

They're having dinner
at the nathansons.

[Sighs]

You wanna come in?

I don't think so.

Why?

This is what we wanted, how
come we are both so glum?

We slept in the same bed together
for nearly our entire adult lives.

I know.

It's hard to imagine that
it's all come to an end.

It hasn't really.

No?

We have kids.

That'll give us something
to fight about for years.

You're right...

It's not being dead
together, but it's something.

I guess so.

Are you sure you
don't wanna come in

And have a cup of coffee?

Thanks.

I should probably be going.

Another time.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

You can't be tellin' me
you're actually gonna

Do more work between
now and tomorrow morning?

If I pick up the form now,

I go directly to
court in the morning,

Which means I have an
extra half an hour of sleep,

Which means I'm more rested,
which means I do a better job.

Aha! The sleep litigation
efficiency theory!

- There it is!
- Right.

[sneezing]

[sneezing continues]

[Gasps]

Oh! I-i didn't know
anyone was in here.

Yeah, well there are
two people in here.

So, why don't you close
the door, jonathan?

Absolutely.

Ya happy now?

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, don't forget
this was all your idea.

Oh right.

You had nothing to do with it.

[Speaks under his
voice] vick, come on.

- What?
- Come here.

[Door knocks]

Ann? Stuart?

Yes, victor, it's
ann and stuart.

And right now we're
not receiving visitors.

No problem.

[jonathan laughs]

At least, we could get dressed?

I can't get dressed. I
have to leave my legs up.

How many times do I
have to tell you that?

[door opens] by the way, stuart,

You're in great shape
on the stock purchase.

The plaintiffs
inherited their shares

And the base that they
took shows evaluation date

After the alleged
ultra vires act.

Get outta here jonathan.

What's the matter with that guy?

You know, you guys never even
asked us if we enjoyed the game.

[victor and jonathan laugh]

Look, uh... [Sighs]

I think maybe there's
another way to go about this.

Tell me how?

Once we have the baby, does it
really matter where we got him?

Adoption?

You know,

I think we oughtta
give it a sh*t.

It's not just because
there's too much trouble

For our busy, busy lives, is it?

No, ann.

It's because I love you too
much to feel this desperate

And it's because...

I don't ever think you're
going to get pregnant with me.

Come here.

I love you stuart.

I love you so much.