07x14 - When You Wish Upon a Hogg

[bunniefuu]

'Yee-haw!'

Y'all remember
Hughie Hogg, don't you?

Every time he comes to
Hazzard, he's been a disaster.

A personal pestilence,
you might say.

I mean, don't nothin' ever
go right for the Dukes..

Or Boss or Daisy

or Cooter or Enos or
anybody, includin' Hughie.

- This things-a goin' up.
- Help! Help!

- Help! Help!
- I don't like this.

- We must have whiplash!
- Like a giant white yo-yo.

Wait'll you see what
I made for dessert.

Oh, I know what
I'll have for dessert.

- You!
- Here's dessert.

Somebody turn on the lights.

- Hi, Hughie.
- Hi.

Hold still.

If you're lookin' for
a close shave, buddy

you came to the right place.

How about a kiss?

Oh, no, thanks. I
mean, I gotta go.

- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.

I guess sometimes my machoness
just scares 'em away. Heh-heh.

We're gonna b*at 'em
to the bridge. Ha-ha.

The bridge is o-o-o..

Meanwhile, back
in Hazzard County

birds were singin'

fish were jumpin' out
at the Hazzard Pond

and our soul would
be hard put to believe

that trouble was
lurkin' in the hills.

He's back.

And being back

he's got nothing but
bad in mind for the Dukes.

'Hey, they're puttin'
stuff in their car.'

'Hey, hey, oh, hey.
They're gettin' in now.'

'Ooh.'

Oh, oh. They're headin' out.

'Oh, there they are, on
their way to Hazzard Pond..'

'...like they do every Friday.'

They're headin' out.
Destination, Hazzard Pond.

What time is it
here? It's : .

They have minutes
to deliver the Dukes.

Time, : . You have
exactly minutes. Mark.

Mark, - and out.

Now, I don't know
why he's doing that

unless he's trying
to cover up the ugly.

- How's it look?
- Let's go.

- Hughie, you sure this'll work?
- Like a Swiss watch, baby.

I know my Uncle Boss up
and down, inside and out.

I know what he
thinks before he does.

And I'm gonna get
him good this time.

Yeah.

Look around you, Trixie.
Just take a good look.

Because in a couple hours,
them Dukes will be in jail

and I'm gonna own everythin'
and everybody in Hazzard County.

Now, ol' Hughie never
lacked for ambition

nor ethics to get in his way.

Let's go. Here we go.

As the General headed
toward Hazzard Pond

phase one of Hughie's
plan was crankin' up.

Hurry up and yank that wire.
They'll be here any minute.

Looks like car trouble up ahead.

- What seems to be the problem?
- Danged if I know.

She just quit runnin' on me.

Well, let's take a look at it.

That looks pretty good. Heh-heh.

Let's see, it might
be your carburetor.

- The floats get stuck.
- Yeah?

'No, it ain't them.'

'Oh, here it is.'

Must've gone over a bump.
Your hot wire came off the coil.

'Give it a sh*t.'

Now, the stuff that that
dude's puttin' in the back

would send a team
of oxen to sleepy city

in a New York minute.

'Well, sir, that ought to
get you where you're goin'.

- Thank you kindly, fellas.
- 'You betcha.'

Didn't that fella
look kind of familiar?

Yeah, yeah. I was about
to say the same thing.

Some sure can't stay
on the road very well.

- Hey, come on.
- Yeah, okay.

I'm gonna take me a little nap.

- Wake me when we get there.
- Okay.

Gosh, we wanna
get there in one piece.

You wanna drive?

No, I guess not.

There should be enough
time. Let's go get 'em.

I'm ready.

As 'em friends of
Hughie's was headed back

towards the General Lee..

Hughie and his lady friend
was headin' for Hazzard

to start up his end of the plan.

Get the canister
and the fishin' poles.

So far, so good.

Havin' got what they came for..

And I ain't sure
yet what that was..

Them dude was
headin' for Hazzard

with Bo and Luke layin'
down Zs in the back seat.

Meanwhile, Daisy was
headin' for Hazzard Pond

lookin' to meet up with them
and join them for fishin' fun

havin' no idea that they was
out colder than dead mackerels

in the backseat of the car
that she was just about to pass.

- What are you slowin' down for?
- There's a truck stalled ahead.

- So?
- So this is a car, not a plane.

- I can't fly over it.
- Go around 'em.

We got a schedule to meet.

Now, meetin' a
schedule is one thing.

Meetin' your maker is another.

Now, luckily, Daisy's
got the drivin' reflexes

of a ridge runner
on an icy road.

Step on it. We got less than
minutes to get those guys.

I've gotta slow him down
before he hurts somebody.

- A cop.
- A cop!

If he stops us, we've
blown the whole thing.

Go on, go on. You can make it.

Hey, fellas. Hey,
fellas. Come on, now.

Oh, Mr. Postel.

Now, I wouldn't say that,
that chicken was scared..

But that was a rooster.

Hm, that's just funny.
Rooster's is darker.

'You better get ready. Soon
as we get to Hazzard, you're on.'

'I hope you know
what you're doing.'

Oh, don't worry. We've rehearsed
this thing over a times.

Well, I know that we have

but the trouble is Uncle
Boss ain't rehearsed his part.

Things just might not turn out
exactly the way you planned.

Oh, trust me.

You just do your part and
everythin' will fall into place.

With what I got
here in this little box..

I'm gonna own all
of Hazzard County

and Uncle Boss,
Rosco and them Dukes

who'll go behind bars
for years. Ha-ha.

Hughie Hogg, you
really are somethin' else.

Yeah. You might say a
legend in my own time.

Hughie was runnin' true to style

really taken with his self.

Trouble is, Bo and
Luke was taken also

and where to,
was yet to be seen.

'Yeah, they're okay.'

That's right, Uncle Jesse.

The General's here but
there's no sign of Bo and Luke.

- That just don't make no sense.
- 'I know. I called Cooter.'

But they didn't check with
him or ask for his tow truck.

I can't figure out where
they'd go wanderin' off.

Yeah, well, you stay
put. I'll head on over there.

And if you hear anythin',
wait. You give me a call.

You bet.

Hey, I'm goin' in now.

So, you get in
position in ten minutes

and make sure no one sees ya.

'You go do your
thing, I'll do mine.'

Alright.

Now, I sure can't figure what
that is that Hughie's carrying.

But one thing's for sure,
it's loaded with trouble.

Mmm.

Oh, that was good. Heh-heh.

- Care for a bone?
- No, thanks, I already ate.

- Yeah.
- Uncle Boss!

As I live and choke..

If it ain't my un-favorite
nephew, Hughie Hogg.

My one and only!

- Don't you hug me!
- Me either.

Look, look, look. Why,
of all the lowdown tricks

you put a mousetrap
in your wallet pocket.

Only a rat would do that,
especially to his own uncle.

Well, I never did believe much
in honesty amongst thieves.

Yeah, well, speakin' of thieves

I thought the last time
I kicked you out of town

I told you never to come back.

- Well, I ain't back.
- You ain't?

No, no. I just stopped for lunch
and needed someone to trust

for an hour or so.

- Someone you could trust?
- Yeah.

- Well, with what?
- Oh, this box.

Box? You brought
this box, did you?

'For goodness'
sakes, what's in it?'

Oh, I can't tell you
that, Uncle Boss.

And you're gonna leave it
with us for safekeepin', right?

Wrong. I wanna
leave it with him.

- Who?
- Afternoon, Mr. Hughie.

I'm goin' on my lunch
hour, sheriff, Mr. Hogg.

Enos, how'd you like
to make yourself $

while on your lunch hour
just by watchin' this here box?

A hundred dollars? Just
for watching a little ol' box?

Well, possum on a gum
bush. Sure thing, Mr. Hughie.

- But that's too much money.
- Oh, no, it isn't, Enos.

Just give it to your
favorite charity.

Just don't take your eyes
off this box till I come back.

There you go.

Yes, sir. Golly.
Yes, sir, Mr. Hogg.

- Yeah.
- Thank you.

That's that. I'll see
you later, Uncle Boss.

- Yeah, but Hughie...
- Where, you-you... oh.

Listen, Boss. I wonder
what was in that box

that Hughie
wouldn't trust us with.

Well, I certainly don't know,
but I'll tell you one thing

you can bet your next week's
salary, I'm gonna find out.

- That little, huh?
- Yeah, come on.

In-n-Out diner?

Deputy Enos Strate callin',
for a lunch order to be delivered.

I'll have the catfish and
hushpuppies, the collard green...

No, no, no, no, Enos.

Oh, there's to be no food or
drink brought onto the premises.

No, see, that's Rule
of the Sheriff Manual.

And is you can't get
hushpuppy crumbs on the floor

along with the chicken feathers.

But, sheriff, I'm supposed
to be guardin' this here box

for Mr. Hughie Hogg,
a-and it's on my own time.

Oh, oh, oh, well,
that's against Rule

which prohibits all kinds
of moonlighting. Mmm.

You just better run along
and have your lunch.

We'll keep an eye
on this here box.

If you say so, Mr. Hogg.

He just said so,
you chicken plucker.

Since I didn't earn this would
you give it back to Mr. Hogg?

Yeah. I'll be glad to. In
fact, I'll invest it for him.

Now, we got rid of dipstick,
I'll just take a little peak.

No no no, not here.
Not here, you numbskull.

- Back in my office.
- Ooh, you're so clever.

'Come on, Rosco. Get in here
and help me clean up this..'

'Get them bones outta here.
Move it, would you, please?'

- Oh, that's dead.
- Put 'em in there.

'Okay, hurry, hurry,
hurry, I can't wait.'

- 'Would you hold your horses?'
- Well, I just can't wait.

- Oh.
- Oh.

- Well, well, well.
- Well.

Well, I'd say it's
an old oil lamp.

Oh, it's gotta be old.

It probably hasn't been
polished in years.

Why was my nephew so concerned
about a piece of junk like this?

Boss, it may not be junk. It
might even be the real thing.

What? The real thing?

- The real thing.
- What's that?

When you were a little fat kid

didn't you read about
Aladdin and his lamp?

Listen, I was too busy running
a floatin' crap game in school

to do much readin'.

Let me tell you the story.

See, if you rub this
lamp, if it's Aladdin's lamp

then the smoke comes
out and hits the fan

and then the genie pops
out and gives you wishes.

'Oh, that lamp, the
one with the genie.'

'Oh, I know, all
about that anyhow.'

But you gotta be crazy to
believe a fairy tale like that.

- I believe it.
- Hmm.

Listen, why don't we
just give it a little rub

'a-and we haven't
got anythin' to lose?'

You see what it
says on the bottom?

- What?
- Do not rub.

Cheat.

- What?
- Cheat.

- Me?
- Mm.

- Cheat?
- Mm.

- But just this once.
- Oh.

To prove to you there ain't no
magic genies inside this thing.

Oh, you.

Now, would you,
please? I'm rubbin'.

'For goodness'
sake. Oh my, oh my.'

What is this stuff?
What's goin' on here?

'Open the window.
Yeah, open it.'

What is your wish, master?

Ahh..

I still can't figure
why old Bo and Luke

been zonked out for
this, but it ain't good.

What is your wish, master?

- My wish?
- Boss, she is a genie.

'Just like the one Aladdin had.'

Yeah, well, there ain't
no such thing as genies.

Don't make her mad. She
can turn you into a warthog.

I don't know how it's done,
but it's some kind of a trick.

Oh, this is no trick, master.

'Just wish for something
and I'll grant it for you.'

- Prove it to you.
- Go ahead, go ahead.

She's made you an
offer you can't refuse.

- You've got nothin' to lose.
- Well.

'Wish for somethin' that might
remove your cares and woes.'

'My cares and woes?'

Uh, or remove some
obstacle in your way, maybe.

What obstacle?
Yeah, an obstacle.

Maybe a person?

- A person?
- Person.

- Or persons.
- Oh, persons. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- The Dukes. The Duke boys.
- Oh, yeah.

'Throw 'em Dukes in jail,
they'll be out of our hair.'

My hair, from now on.

All you have to do is
wish and it'll be done.

Yes, yes. I don't believe any
of it, but I wish them Duke boys

was in my jail downstairs
this very minute.

It's done.

- Is that it?
- That's it.

Just go on down
and see for yourself.

sh**t, I'd swallow that one.
That woman is dangerous.

Alright, alright.

I'll just prove to
you, it's a joke.

- Don't touch nothin'.
- She-she..

They went for it.

I'm on my way.

I knew it. I knew it.

And I know what he'll
wish for next. Ha-ha.

Of course, it's a joke.

I don't know how it's done
or what they're aimin' to do

but look here, I'll prove it..

- Oh!
- Well, I'll be.

- 'It's the Dukes.'
- 'Yeah.'

Now, maybe you'll
believe in Santa Claus

'and the Tooth Fairy'

and the rabbit
with the long ears.

Well..

Bo Duke! Luke Duke!

Boss.

What are we doin' in jail?

- You mean, you don't know?
- Of course not.

No, we was goin', aw..

We was goin'
fishin', weren't we?

Yeah, we was going fishin'.

Next thing we know,
we find ourselves in here.

See? It's just like
the genie said.

Genie who?

It's not a Genie
who, it's a genie her.

- She's got the...
- Da da da da da da da.

- It's none of their business.
- No, it ain't your business.

It's too our business,
to know why we're here..

You'll find out when
I'm ready to tell you.

Wait a minute. You're chokin'.

Hey, we got rights!

Don't we?

Not here. Does your head hurt?

See, now do you believe me?

You saw it with your
own fat little eyeballs.

Those Duke boys are in jail.

I saw it, I saw it, I saw it.

I'll tell you, I still
don't believe it.

- It's just too good to be true.
- I know, I know.

Uh, Genie.

Uh-oh, where'd she go?

- I know where she is.
- Where? Where?

She's crawled back into that
lamp to sneak a little snooze.

She's probably wore herself
to a nub on that last wish, see.

You gotta rub that
sucker to get a new wish.

- A new wish, huh?
- Yeah.

- New wish.
- New wish.

Boy, it sure is weird.

Goin' fishin' one minute
and wake up in jail the next.

And what the heck
was Rosco talkin' about?

I don't know.

Feels like the mornin' after
the night before, don't it?

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Well, we ain't gonna find
out nothin' sittin' in here.

It's nice of them to
leave us our fishin' poles.

'Yeah, what the heck
we gonna catch here?'

Keys.

What?

- Hey, that's a good idea.
- Can't believe they left them.

- Can you get it?
- I'll give her a try.

Rosco..

I'm beginning to believe.

- The Dukes are in jail.
- They are in jail.

- The genie's in the lamp.
- She's in the lamp.

Now, rub her and
get another wish.

- Oh, another wish.
- Another wish.

'What'll I wish for?
Oh, ho, let me think.'

Uncle Jesse, there
is nothin' missin'

except for Bo and Luke
and their fishin' poles.

Only thing I did find was
these here tire tracks.

They look fresh too.

You reckon they got anything
to do with them disappearin'?

I don't know, but
I sure don't like it.

Let's take the
pickup, go into town

see if Rosco knows
anything about this.

Maybe he's heard
somethin' or seen somebody.

Okay.

As Jesse and Daisy
headed for Hazzard

Bo and Luke was just
about bustin' out of jail.

Come on. Drinking
too much coffee.

'Luke, you done
this enough times.'

'You ought to be
good at it by now.'

Alright, you got it.

- Be careful.
- Got it.

- Bring it in here.
- Come on back.

- Don't bounce me.
- I won't.

- Bring it in here.
- It's coming.

Alright.

- Got it?
- Alright.

Aah!

- sh**t. Son of a g*n.
- Can you reach 'em?

I think so.

Boss, would you go
ahead and make a wish?

- I'm not ready.
- Well...

I'm still thinkin'.

If you're gonna take
so long, let me wish.

Wait a minute. That's
my nephew's lamp.

I'll do all the
wishing. I'm his uncle.

Well, get on with it. There's
a thousand things to wish for.

I know there are.

No matter how hard I think I
can only come up with one thing.

- What?
- Money.

Money.

Did I call it or did I call it?

Alright, Trixie. Get ready now.

'Come on, keys.'

- 'There we go.'
- 'Bingo.'

sh**t. Better come
back for these, huh?

Yep.

- Nice work.
- Thank you.

How do you know
which key it is every time?

It's the big one with
a little skull on it.

- I wish...
- Wait, wait, wait.

What, what, what?

Don't call her
out of there, yet.

Oh, you 'fraidy cat.

Okay.

I wish for a barrel
full of money. Ha-ha.

Hey, wait a minute.

Huh? Where's my genie?

Oh, you know what? I think
she's too pooped to puff.

Huh?

Who is it?

Listen, Enos..

'What is it? Did you..'

Boss, your money's here.

Oh, oh, oh. Ha-ha.

My money's here.
My money's here.

A whole trunk full of money.

'I thought you
asked for a barrel.'

'Oh, who cares.'

'Oh, look at these!'

'Dragoons, dubloons.'

- What's Boss so happy about?
- I don't know.

- Why don't we go listen?
- Wonder what the heck...

Let's go listen
outside. It's safer.

Alright.

'How did they get out?'

I don't know, but they did.

Look. I don't care how, but
go get 'em and keep 'em away.

I figure Uncle Boss is just
about primed for the big finale.

Alright, now go!

When Hughie tells his g*ons
he don't care what they do..

Somebody is in trouble.

I got a whole
trunk full of money!

With that lamp of Hughie's there
ain't nothing I can't have now.

What the heck you
suppose that's all about?

I don't know, but if
Hughie's involved

that means trouble
with a capital T.

You got that right.

Okay, boys.

Climb on down real slow.

Unless you don't wanna
see your next birthday.

I thought he looked familiar.

Them two ain't never
far behind Hughie.

'Let's go. Move it.'

'Trunk full of money!'

Put your hands down, just
act real natural and start walkin'.

You got it.

- Uncle Jesse.
- I see 'em.

Sit tight.

Who's that?

One thing about them Dukes.

They got their timin'
down pretty good.

Careful.

You boys just took
ten years off my life.

- Yeah.
- Alright.

Whoo!

Nice job. Thanks a
lot. We needed the lift.

Hughie, they got away,
but we're still after 'em. Over.

You get 'em, you hear?
We can't let 'em get away.

No time to waste. Alright.

You start the phone
calls in ten minutes.

And get out of that costume.

Can you hear that?

Sounds like the Cannonball
headed for Atlanta.

Yeah, we're gonna
have to hustle to b*at 'em.

- Dang thing's right on time.
- Sure is.

Yeah, sh**t.

- We got 'em now.
- Yeah.

- Hang on.
- Uncle Jesse.

You ain't gonna try and jump it?

Of course, I am.

- I taught you how, didn't I?
- Uncle Jesse.

Well, if you gotta do that..

It's best to be ridin' with
the man who taught 'em how.

- Yeah.
- Wow!

Dang it!

- 'How did they do that?'
- 'I don't know.'

Man, oh, man.

Just hang on, y'all.
We still got a problem.

We got no problem. We lost 'em.

Yeah, well, we still don't know
what's goin' on and they do.

What do you figure we do?
Stop, get out and ask 'em?

There's gotta be a way
to get the drop on 'em.

Do you know where
the General is?

Sure, that's where we
decided you two were missing.

I bet they'll follow us there.

Yeah, there's still
one problem, though.

They got g*ns. We don't.

I got a couple of
sticks of dynamite

in the back for blowing stumps.

I bet there's some arrows with
the bows in the back of General.

All we gotta do
is get there first.

Well, you just gonna sit here?

Where am I goin'? They're gone.

We've blown it!

You know..

Hughie says those boys never
get too far away from their car.

I bet they're headed
back to where we left it.

- Let's go see.
- I hope you're right.

One hundred thousand
seven hundred.

One hundred
thousand eight hundred.

One hundred
thousand nine hundred.

- Must be $ , in there.
- Yeah, two hundred thousand.

'Looks to me like
somebody hit the jackpot.'

Hughie Hogg, listen, I don't
recall givin' you permission

into my office
without knockin' first.

And I don't recall leavin'
this lamp of mine in your care.

Oh, yeah, the
lamp, the lamp. Oh.

Well, yeah, we did open the box.

- Oh, yeah.
- Shame, shame on us.

Listen, alright,
alright, forget all that.

- Let's get down to business.
- Yeah.

I'll give you
$ for the lamp.

It ain't for sale, Uncle Boss.

- 'Okay, I'll give you $ .'
- 'I'll give you ten.'

- Twenty thousand.
- Thirty thousand.

Forty thousand. Fifty thousand.

Bag of dragoons!

They gotta be around here
somewhere. There's the pickup.

Yeah, but where?

You guys don't want
the next one closer.

You lay right where you are
and throw them g*ns away.

Alright.

Now that we got your
g*ns and your attention

why don't you tell
us what's going on?

Ain't got the foggiest idea
what you're talking about.

Luke, it don't look like they're
gonna do much talking, does it?

- What about the snake pit?
- Snakes?

Yeah, that's a good idea.
That's a real good idea.

There's a shovel and
some sacks in the pickup.

There's gotta be a couple
of rattlers in 'em rocks.

Rattlers?

Hey, listen, you fellas
better talk. They're serious.

Wait a minute. Okay,
you made your point.

As them baddies started
gushing like a couple of oil wells

spillin' all they knew
about Hughie's scam

to get Boss to
sign over everything

that he owned in Hazzard County

Boss was gettin' suckered
faster than a country bumpkin

at a city carnival.

Look, Hughie, make it a
cool $ , cold cash.

Uncle Boss, $ , wouldn't
buy the handle on this lamp.

Oh, good grief.
What a spoilsport.

J.D. Hogg speaking.

'This is the long
distance operator calling.'

I have a call from Mexico
City for a Mr. Hughie Hogg.

It's for you.

Hughie Hogg here.

Oh, Senor Valdez.

Say hello from Rosco.

Uh, a million
dollars for the lamp?

No, you gonna have
to do better than that.

- Million dollars!
- Million? That's too much.

Hughie, Hughie, listen.
Don't take that call.

You ain't gonna sell that
lamp to no foreigner, are you?

A complete stranger to you
and ain't related in any way

shape or form, like
your Uncle Boss is?

Well, maybe.

I can't believe Boss
would buy a story

about a genie in a magic lamp.

Honey, when you're that greedy,
smarts goes out the window.

- That ought to hold 'em.
- You got 'em?

- Have a nice ride, gentlemen.
- Yeah.

Now, Hughie, now that you're
real comfortable will you please

tell me what exactly you'll
take for this here lamp?

Forget it, Uncle Boss.

It would take
everythin' you own.

Everything!

I said it once. I
will not say it again.

Alright.

- What?
- What?

I said it once. I
can't say it again.

Ooh.

Are you sure? The whole works?

The bank, the Boars Nest,
the house, everything?

I'm sure.

Go on, go on. Draw
up the transaction.

Yes, sir. I'll be right back.

Boss. You can't give away
everythin'. You can't mean it.

- Oh, no?
- No.

- Of course, I mean it.
- You do?

Trouble with you, Rosco, is,
you ain't got no imagination.

- I don't?
- Don't you get it?

Once I get my hands on that lamp

I'll just wish back
everything I give away.

Oh, that's clever.

- And then..
- And then?

Oh, yeah, then, then..

I'll just wish for all
of Hazzard County.

Yeah, and then I'll
wish for all of the state.

- All the state.
- And then the whole country.

- The country?
- Maybe... the world.

Now, where would he put it?

Now, if the Dukes don't
get to Hazzard soon

they're gonna be
lookin' through iron bars.

Hello.

Well, that sure didn't
take you very long.

Well, doesn't take very long
to write the word "everything."

- Oh, yeah. Everything.
- Yeah, everything.

- Give me a pen.
- Here you are.

Sign right there, and you
bought yourself this lamp.

- I'll sign. I'll sign.
- He'll sign.

- Give me room.
- Give him room.

I'll move this right-
The fish is in there.

Coming this way.

Get that piddly..

Hughie?

- Alright, Hughie, get out.
- Alright.

Now where the heck is Hughie?

Your two pals told us everything

so let's not waste any time.

Where's he at?

He's in his uncle's office.

Come on. You've got one
more appearance to make.

Come on.

Nice and easy
there. There you go.

- Come on.
- Just right on over there.

There you go.

Come on, y'all.

Just get on up the stairs there.

What are you wasting
time for? Let's go.

- J.D. Hogg.
- With two G's.

- There you are.
- Yeah.

Everything.

Now rub it and get a... what?

- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
- What?

How did you
Dukes get out of jail?

Oh, forget about them. Look.

They got my genie, and
they took off her clothes.

- Boss, your genie's a fake.
- She's just as phony as Hughie.

Along with that magic lamp
he hoodwinked you with, Boss.

I hope you had sense enough
not to sign anything, J.D.

- Well, he..
- Oh, no!

Hughie, give me back that paper
you no-good, cheating lowlife.

I'll give back
nothing, Uncle Boss.

You signed it, and I
got you good this time.

Yeah, alright, alright.

But listen, it ain't
legal until it's registered

at the state title
office in Capitol City.

Rosco, arrest
Hughie Hogg for fraud.

That's right. I'm gonna
cuff you and stuff you.

I'm gonna grip you and whip you.

- You'll do nothin'.
- And I ain't gonna do nothin'.

I own this town now. I'm
the new commissioner.

Trixie, get his g*n,
and untie my sheriff

and my deputy.

You gotta be out of your
mind thinking you'll get away.

- Yeah.
- Ha-ha, who'll stop me?

Seein' that Daisy and Jesse
will be doin' some time in jail

for assaulting my
two peace officers

and you and Bo for
breakin' probation?

Breaking probation? We
didn't break no probation.

Oh, no? Consorting with
Uncle Boss and Rosco

who were dealing
with counterfeit money?

Wait a minute!

You mean, all this
money is counterfeit?

You think I'd trust
you with real money?

You mean my golden
dragoons aren't and ain't worth..

- They ain't worth nothin'?
- No. I'm off to Capitol City.

And when I get back, I'll
own all of Hazzard County.

Hey, you know what to do
with them, and I'll see you later.

No, wait a minute.
Wait a minute, here.

Don't point that at
me. Watch it, will you?

- Come on. Let's go.
- Listen, you know, I'm serious.

- 'Alright.'
- 'Wait a minute!'

Don't push me like that.
I mean, how dare you?

- Let's go.
- Don't point that at me.

You three in here together.

- Come on, go on in, fellas.
- 'I'm goin', alright.'

Hold it!

- Not you, Bo.
- Nice work, Daisy.

- You got it under control?
- Yeah.

Y'all go catch Hughie, huh?

- Alright.
- Yeah.

- Come on, go get him.
- Alright, no funny business.

Get in there. I mean now. Move!

Then let us out.

- You get in there.
- I'm not foolin' with you.

Now let us out, Daisy.

Now, let me tell you

I don't really clutch up
until Daisy gets in trouble.

'Wait a minute! Hold it.'

Daisy, give it to him,
you won't get hurt.

Alright, now,
Daisy, it's your turn.

- Oh.
- Oh.

'Oh, Daisy, don't
let 'em do it.'

Take care of
yourself, Trix. Let's go.

Now, listen, you're makin' a
big mistake, you little heifer.

Listen.

Let's go.

- Let's go.
- Where're the keys?

- Uh, ah, sh**t.
- Come on.

- I'm sorry, Uncle Jesse.
- Daisy, you did good.

At least now, maybe Bo and
Luke can catch up with Hughie.

Be careful now. There's
people around here.

Yeah, I see it.

'Whoa, whoa hang on.'

- Watch the ladder.
- I'm going right through it.

Even if this is one time
that Boss and Rosco

might want to pitch
in and help the Dukes

they couldn't if they wanted to.

- Oh, little fat buddy.
- Oh, yeah?

It was all because of you
and your dumb fairy tales.

- Me.
- J.D., don't blame Rosco.

It's your greed that
got us into this thing.

What we gotta do is
quit blamin' each other

and find a way out of here.

They're sure hangin' in there.

Stickin' to us like
flies on a pest strip.

- They're sh**t' at us.
- You expect 'em to throw darts?

Get me closer.

Hang on.

sh**t.

Go for the tires.

Whoa.

- Alright.
- Hey, you were right. Alright.

Now, them fellas has their
faults... but they are colorful.

I'm never riding with you again.

Great. That was a lot of
fun, but Hughie's probably

halfway to Capitol City
with them papers by now.

If we cut across Willow Creek,
we can probably cut him off.

- It's worth a try.
- Hang on.

Now, Bo was right.

Hughie was about
halfway to Capitol City.

But Luke was right too..

Takin' the shortcuts
that he was takin'.

Nice drivin', brother.

- There he is.
- He sure is.

Hey, Luke, he's goin'
up Conn Road, why?

He sure is. I guess he
don't know no better.

We better stop him.
You know that road...

Yeah, I know.

You see, Hughie don't know

that there ain't no road
at the end of the road.

But he does now.

'Help!'

- 'Help. Help, boys.'
- Hughie, stay right there.

Don't move.

H-H-Help!

It was a long way down and
the Dukes was racin' against time

and a gust that could
tip that van over the side.

'I'll give you anything, boys.
The genie, the money, the van..'

my-my boys.

'Oh! A-a-anything.
Wh-what do you want?'

'I-I can't fly.'

We have to tie it
off to something.

- General Lee. We got some rope.
- Alright, I'll hold on to it.

- Hughie, don't worry about it.
- Sit tight. Take it easy.

'Hughie. Hughie, lean back.'

'I'm falling! I'm
too young to die!'

- You'd better hurry!
- 'Get help.'

'Oh, I know this
is the end for me.'

Don't let me go. I'm too young!

Alright, get it in there.

Come on. I'll give
you anythin' you want.

This thing's too
heavy. It's gonna fall.

'Luke's gonna try
with the General.'

- 'Pull on it.'
- 'We'll pull you back.'

'It ain't movin'.
It ain't movin'.'

'It ain't movin'. Oh-h-h.'

'It ain't movin'
at all. Please.'

- 'I'm dead meat. Get me.'
- Gonna have to go in after him.

Hang on, Bo.

'Help! Help me!'

'I'm too young to die.'

I can't move.

Hughie, come on, let's go.

That rope's starting to go.

- Help me!
- Hughie, come on.

Come on, Hughie, dang it all!

Here, Luke, give me your hand.

Pull him.

Whoa!

Boy, that was close.

- Close enough.
- You alright?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Come on.

We got business to finish.

Well, all's well that ends well.

The Dukes got
Hughie and that letter

Boss had signed,
back to Hazzard.

Hughie Hogg, even though
you just seen me thank the Dukes

for savin' your life

that don't mean I ever wanna
see your schemin', smirkin' face

in Hazzard, ever again.

Enos is gonna escort you and
your g*ng to the county line.

- Go on, do it, do it.
- Yes, sir.

And when you get there,
I want you to take off!

I don't want you to set foot
in Hazzard County ever again.

And this time, I mean it!

I just feel lucky you
didn't throw me in jail.

- I just feel so grateful.
- Grateful? Grateful? Grateful?

Don't be grateful. Just be gone!

Hughie was sent packin'
without charges being placed.

Boss being ashamed
to let anybody know

what a dang fool he had
been, believin' in genies

and Aladdin's lamp.

Well, Jesse, I'm
sorry all this happened.

It was all my nephew's
fault, don't you know?

There's one other little..

Of course, the Dukes knew..

And they insisted that
to keep their lips sealed

Boss would have to
make a sizeable donation

to the Hazzard Orphanage.

My idea in the
first place, anyhow.

- What'cha doing?
- Give that a little rub.

This thing don't mean
nothin' now, you know.

- Well, let me just..
- Wait a minute.

Oh, no!

- Ooh, oh.
- Oh. Oh.

Well, in Hazzard
County, you never know.