07x17 - Separate Beds

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

[SNORING]

Don't wake up daddy.

Don't wake up daddy.
Don't wake up daddy--

Eh?
Oh, did we wake you?

Was Michele Pfeiffer
just touching me?

Uh-huh.

Was Nipsey Russell
in a Barcalounger

singing to my grandfather?
Yes, he was.

Hoo! Thought
I was dreaming.

What time is it?

It's tomorrow.

Are you kidding?
Did I sleep on the couch?

Uh-huh.
Oh, sweetie,

I'm sorry.
I must have got all caught up

in the editing here.

That's okay.
I slept like a log.

Oh, boy.
You know what? Me, too.

This couch, I gotta say,
surprisingly embracing.

Well, you should try
the bed without you, heh.

I'll have
to do that. Hi.

Seriously, it was
like a palace.

You could roll all around,
sleep diagonally,

no big lumpy guy
there next to you-- Not you.

All right. Well, listen.

Here's what's gonna happen
I'm gonna make us all

an elaborate
and wonderful breakfast.

Some eggs, bacon,
and a lovely stack of toast.

Yippee!
All right, calm down.

I'm saying I slept.
I'm peppy.

All right,
and I'm peppy too--

♪ Happy and peppy
And bursting with love ♪

What is that?
It's from The Odd Couple.

Tony Randall sang it.

There's no reason to--

Because I am.
What?

♪ Happy and peppy
And bursting with love ♪

♪ Dancing and singing ♪

[♪♪♪]

Hey, boss. here's those tennis
balls you were looking for.

Hey, Marvin,
what happened to your nose?

It always
looks like that.

It always has
that much gauze on?

Really, Marvin,
what do you do on the weekend?

Last week you come in
with the rib thing.

Week before that,
you're limping.

I banged my head
against my knee.

You what?

I went out dancing,

and I banged my head
against a disco ball.

From a disco ball?

I looked into a toaster
way too far.

What do you do
on weekends?

I...

I've been wrestling
semi-pro.

Heh. You what?
What?

Yeah. Look.

Wrestling semi-pro?

Let me see that.
Right there.

"Saturday night,
Staten Island Armory,

grudge match, Leon Farkas
versus Marvin Bluestone."

There you go.
Leon Farkas?

Your nose was damaged
by a man named Leon Farkas?

Lucky blow, lucky blow.

Heh. This is hard
for me to picture.

I never thought of you
as a wrestler type guy.

I'm ' ", .

I'm not saying you're not tough,
I just never thought--

Come on, go ahead.
Slug me.

I don't wanna slug you.
I just never thought--

Go ahead.
Both of you, slug me.

Ah, now you're
talking crazy.

Come on, let's go, fellas.
I'm waitin'!

All right.
you asked for it.

Harder!

Harder, come on!

Faster!
Harder, harder, harder!

[BOTH GRUNTING]

♪ Summer breeze
Makes me feel fine ♪

♪ Runnin' through
The jasmine ♪

Man!
♪ In my mind ♪

Wow!
You're just solid.

All over, up and down,
solid as a rock.

Except this little area
behind my ankle.

That is quite weak.

You kidding?
Your Achilles' heel

is actually
your Achilles' heel?

Huh?

Achilles.
Achilles from Greek mythology.

The--the warrior.

He was a big warrior
totally impervious to pain

except for that exact spot.
Achilles. ever--

It hurts in your ankle?
Oh, yeah.

Marvin is a wrestler.
It's-- It's unbelievable.

And my mom, man,
she is so proud.

Well, what mom wouldn't be

with the leotards
and the hair pulling

and the health benefits?

Marvin, you know,
you should not overlook

money-making possibilities
in the wrestling field.

What're you
gonna do to him--

But you gotta do something
about the name.

Marvin Bluestone
does not sound like a guy

who crushes skulls.

Sounds like a guy
who runs for president

of a synagogue.

Well, what
do you suggest?

I would say
maybe go with a persona.

You know, Chief Jay Strongbow
had the headdress.

You know, Hulk Hogan
is a freakin' Hulk.

Mil Máscaras has
like a thousand masks.

All right.
How about, uh...

Marvelous
Marvin Bluestone?

Again, it's
the Marvin Bluestone,

I think,
that's tripping you up.

Oh.
But you know what?

How about
Gorilla Boy?

Gorilla Boy.
Yeah, yeah.

Half-man,
half-k*ller monkey.

k*ller monkey is it?
That's right.

Get you a nice big suit,
a mask.

You know,
you jump in the ring,

jump around,
bang on your chest.

Every time you pin a guy,
you show him your big red ass.

Hey, is this polyester?
Do you have any idea?

Marvin, you think you could
make a gorilla noise?

I--I don't know.

Well, give it a whirl.

[GRUNTS]

There you go.

[GRUNTING]
That's right.

Little more.

Good. Good.
Terrific.

[AGGRESSIVE GRUNTING,
SCREECHING]

All right,
stop, stop!

Marvin, you really have
a natural instinct.

Really?
Absolutely.

You could scare
the bejesus out of people.

I bet I will.
You will!

And you know what?
If you need a front man

like a Don King
to your Mike Tyson

just give me a call.

Yeah, and if you need
an ambulance, give me a buzz.

[♪♪♪]

You coming to bed?

Mmm. You know
the secret of editing?

No.

All right, then I'm gonna
be here a long time.

I'm sorry.

That's all right.

Hope I don't pass out
on the couch again.

Me, too.

Unless it would mean
you'd finally be done.

And then I would endure it
for one more night.

Really?
Yeah.

Okay. You know what?
Maybe we should plan on that.

Okay.
Yeah.

Well, good night.

Good night.

Love you.
Love you, too.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[♪♪♪]

But in truth,

tonight we reward ourselves
for work done previously.

["M.A.S.H." THEME PLAYING]

Oh, a M.A.S.H.marathon.

[WHIMPERS]

[CHUCKLES]

ANNOUNCER:
And now, introducing,

from parts unknown,

Gorilla Boy!

[GRUNTING]

And his handler,

the man who discovered him
while on safari

and the only human being
he will not harm,

Dr. Ira Livingston.

Hey!
Here we go. Come on!

Bananas! Bananas!
Bananas for you!

Here we go.
Come on, come on, come on!

Here we go. Bananas.
Get those bananas--

Hey, watch it!
Come on. Here we go.

That's it! That's it!

That big monkey
is my son.

Hey, all right,
Here we go.

Now, this is it.
Remember, this guy is nothing.

MARVIN:
I feel really primal
tonight, boss,

like a rabid dog.

[BELL RINGS]
All right,

Here we go. Go on.

You go get him,
Gorilla Boy. Yah!

[HUMMING]

[GRUNTS RHYTHMICALLY]

What's with
this guy?

It's a persona,
you idiot.

A what?

[BELL RINGS]
[GROWLS]

[BELL RINGS]

A persona.

[GRUNTS]

I love you, Gorilla Boy!

I love you, ma!

Hey, hey,
shut up.

You can't talk. You're an ape.
You'll blow it.

Oh, my god.
What was I thinking?

[APELIKE LAUGHTER]

[♪♪♪]

I'm glad
your work is done.

Oh. Me, too.

So great
to have you back.

It's nice to be back,
nice to see you...

and the crib,

not to mention the little girl
in the crib.

Good night.
Good night, you.

You know, it's near the end
of the last season.

I beg your pardon?

On M.A.S.H.
the rerun cycle.

They're in the middle of
the last--last season.

You can't believe how good
the last few episodes were.

Yeah, they were good.
Oh, boy.

Harry Morgan, really,

he took it
to a whole new level.

Mm-hmm.

And that Klinger,
he just kills me.

He's really, really funny.
Really funny.

Mm-hmm.

Oh! God, I never
called Lisa back.

You wanna call her
right now?

W-We could be on
for a while.

That's okay.
You know what?

I'll go watch the show
Really?

Yeah, sure.

And if I happen to fall asleep
on the couch again--

Then you do.
Yeah.

I'll see you tomorrow.
Okay.

All right.

[♪♪♪]

Guess who I saw today.

Hint, someone we hate.

Angela Spino, all blotchy
and out of shape.

Okay, three husbands
and three kids.

Yeah, I was like,
"Hi, Angela."

She was like, "Hi."

["M.A.S.H." THEME PLAYING]

[BURPING]
M.A.S.H.

Hey, no--
Stay in the living room!

Murray, this is the one where
Hawkeye kisses Hotlips, oh...!

[BURPING]
Larry Gelbart.

[WHIMPERS]

[♪♪♪]

JAMIE:
Is it freakish
what we're doing?

No. It's really not.
We're two consenting adults,

and we're gladly agreeing
to sleep separately

because that's
what we wanna do right now.

There's nothing wrong
with enjoying the alone time.

I just enjoy it so much.
I can be myself when I'm alone.

I can be myself
when I'm with you,

but I'm a better person
when I'm with you.

When I'm by myself,
I can be the person

I don't really like
and I really like that.

[BUZZER]
Listen, you don't gotta tell me.

Last night, I ate a microwave
burrito off my own stomach.

Hey, guys.

W-what is this?

Allow me to introduce myself,
Dr. Ira Livingston,

the man who discovered
Gorilla Boy.

Wow.

Tell you, this act
is working out big.

Already, I got Marvin booked
against better wrestlers

in better halls, I'm cleaning up
on the side bets.

You taking advantage
of Marvin?

James, Marvin's made as much
in the last three days

as I've paid him
in the last six months.

So up till now you've been
taking advantage of him?

Yeah.
Oh, that's--

You know what?
I'd love for you guys

to show up tonight.
It's his first appearance

as the main event.

Oh.
Who's he fighting?

You're not
gonna believe it.

Uh-oh.
Check this out.

"Macho Man"
Randy Savage.

Sounds dangerous. Even for
Gorilla Boy, that sounds bad.

Can you come?

Sure.
Fantastic.

I'll see you tonight.
We'll be there.

Hey, hey,
what's with the sheets?

You guys
got a houseguest?

Oh. Uh...no.

No?

Uh, can I say it?

Sure.

We're just, uh--

I-I'm sleeping
on the couch for now.

Oh, guys...

I'm so sorry.

No, Ira. No, no.

We're taking a little break,
that's all.

My god.

We have an arrangement,
he's got--

I-- I understand.

[JAMIE AND PAUL TALKING
INDISTINCTLY]

I think I'm gonna cry.

Oh, w-w-wait.
Dr. Livingston.

Listen, I gotta
get more bananas.

[♪♪♪]

[CROWD CHEERING]

Hi.
What did we miss?

Well, Bruno
"Six-Fingers" Malone

put Jebediah,
the Amish Hellcat Boudine,

into a sleeper hold.

Apparently,
cutting off his blood supply

with his sixth finger.

Yeah, we don't know much,
but we don't think

the Amish Hellcat
will recover.

I see what you mean.

[GRUNTING]

Yeah, at least his family
isn't watching it on TV.

'Cause the Amish, there's
no electric-- They can't--

Forgive me,
Paul, Jamie.

Do you know Marvin's mother,
Cassie Bluestone?

PAUL:
Oh, my goodness!

Rip his heart out,
show it to him,

and make it into a soup!

[CROWD WHISTLES, CHEERS]

[CROWD GROANS]

Listen, I just want to say
I feel really bad

about what you guys
are going through.

You mean Ira? No, no--
No, Debbie--

No, no, no, please, you don't
have to pretend with me.

We're not--
Just do me one favor--

Look, Debbie--
--and read this book.

Learning to Love Your Spouse.

It almost saved
my first marriage.

Did you happen
to bring a copy

of Mind Your
Own Business?

Better to take it out on me
than on each other.

I'm--

[BELL RINGS]

ANNOUNCER:
Your winner,
Bruno "Six-Fingers" Malone.

Get off your sorry butt,
Amish Hellcat!

[BELL RINGS]

And now,
ladies and gentlemen,

it's time for
the main event.

Making his entrance
to the ring

from Sarasota, Florida,

the five-time heavyweight
champion of the world,

"Macho Man"
Randy Savage.

Oh, yeah!

Poor Marvin.
Ugh.

That macho man
is a machomacho man.

I wanna be
a macho man.

Listen, kids, I was
very sorry to hear

what's going on
between you two.

And I want you to know

we'll do everything we can
to help you patch it up.

Oh, lordy.
Ma, it's not a big deal.

Oh, I know, I know,
It's very classy.

It's like you're
European royalty.

You each have
your own room.

We just have one
piece of advice.

Visit her.
Visit her in her room.

Go to her.

Okay, thank you,
Ma, Dad.

And his opponent
now coming to the ring

from darkest Canada,

half man, half monkey,

he's been called
the missing link,

the eighth wonder
of the world,

and King Wrong.

Here is Gorilla Boy!

Hah! Follow me, Gorilla Boy,
come on!

And with him
is his manager,

the only human being
he will obey,

Dr. Ira Livingston.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

[SCREAMS]

Now that's a persona.

Why don't you go in there
and put on

the show of your life.
Are you ready?

Well, my tail's
kind of ridin' up,

but other than that,
I'm okay.

Okay, good.

You know, I think
I can take him.

What are you talking about,
you're scheduled to lose.

Lose? I can't lose,
my mom's here.

Marvin, you have gotto lose.

I put serious money on the fact
that you're gonna lose.

I told the league
you were gonna lose.

I'm sorry, boss,
I can't lose.

What about the aping?
Don't stop aping.

[GRUNTING]
I can't lose.

I'm not gonna
throw this fight.

Have you
lost your mind?

You will never
wrestle again!

Never wrestle again?

Oh, oh, oh...Okay,
I'll let him win.

Yeah,
that a Gorilla Boy.

Macho Man is a wuss!

A big wussy!

You're quite a big fan, huh,
Mrs. Bluestone?

Oh, yes, yes.

You know, you two are
such a handsome couple.

Now that's sweet.

It's a shame you're
having such trouble.

Let's get ready
to rumble!

Go get 'em,
Gorilla Boy!

[BELL RINGS]

[GRUNTS]

MARVIN:
Now, just take it easy now.
Take it easy.

Take-- Oh!

I'm okay.

I'm okay. I'm okay.
I'm okay.

Not okay!

Oh, no, my neck.
Come on, my neck!

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Make it end.
Make it end. Make it end.

My kidney.

My kidney!

My kidney again.

Oh, here we go.

Can't you just
let me lay down?

[BOTH GRUNT, PANTING]

Boss, are you sure
this is such a good idea?

Yeah, yeah, you're doin' great,
Gorilla Boy. Here.

Banana.

Oh, no!

Ow...ow...ow...

"Macho Man" Randy Savage!

You're doing a fine job,
by the way.

Whoa, yeah!

Ooh...no!

Oh, not up, not up.

Don't wanna be up here.

[GROANS]

Why didn't I go
to law school?

Oh, this can't be good.
What is it?

ANNOUNCER:
Here comes the Macho Man
Flying Elbow Drop!

That would be the Macho Man

Flying Elbow Drop.
Thank you.

[♪♪♪]

Uh-oh.

Boss, help me!

Macho Man

is a wussy!

I'm not going to lose
in front of my mom.

[CROWD CHEERS]

Hyah, hyah!

And again...
Hah!

Look at me,
I'm pounding.

Right in the Macho Man!

Not so much fun now,
is it?

[GRUNTING]

Clear. Clear.

Clear. Get out!
Hey, buddy. How about it?

Gorilla Boy!

Get 'em, Gorilla Boy!

Now I'm gonna finish you off

with my famous
leg twists. Ah!

Hey, hey, Marvin,
cut it out!

Leave me alone, boss.

Man, this monkey's
dynamite!

Macho Man, his Achilles' heel
is his Achilles' heel.

Now is not the time
for riddles, okay?

Just bite him on
the back of the foot.

Really?
Yes!

Is he basically
a clean guy?

Just do it!

All right.

Ow!

That's my little weak place
on the back of my foot!

Oh, mama!

[BELL RINGS]

The winner,
"Macho Man" Randy Savage!

I won!

Oh, sorry,
Mrs. Bluestone.

Mrs. Bluestone?

[GRUNTS]

[BELL RINGS]

[♪♪♪]

Jamie:
Hey, you know what?

Do you wanna
stay over tonight?

Sleep in here
with you?

Why not?

Oh, they got to you,
didn't they?

No.

Yes, they did.
The nagging Buchmans.

Look what they did.
They broke your spirit.

Maybe they have a point in
a backward sort of way.

What? No, W-w-what? What?

Maybe it's a slippery
slope, you know?

Maybe the first step
on the road to ruin

is two or three
nights apart.

Maybe we need
to be more careful.

Maybe even if we're
tempted to sleep apart,

there's a greater, godlier
reason to sleep together.

I wanna watch M.A.S.H.

Well, I wanna
read about Gwyneth.

Well, go ahead.
So that'll be good.

All right.

[♪♪♪]

[IN ACCENT]
Hello. My name is Gwyneth,
and I'm this big around.

[CHUCKLES]

TV:
Please stay tuned.
M.A.S.H. will be right back.

[THEME FROM "M.A.S.H." PLAYING]

[♪♪♪]

MARVIN:
This could've been
my night, Ira.

I could've taken
Macho Man apart.

Instead, what happens?

He wins, and I get a one-way
ticket to Palookaville.

Come on, Marvin,
it worked out great.

You're my manager, Ira,

you shouldn't
have done that to me.

You should've
looked out for me

instead of tellin' the guy
exactly where to bite me.

You saw a lot of money
tonight, kid.

You're gonna see
a lot more very soon.

You don't understand.

I could've had class.

I could've
been a contender

instead of the first wrestler
ever defended by his mother,

which is what I am,
let's face it.

Marvin, what are you,
a psycho, huh?

You're in good
with the wrestling league,

they're hyping you to go
against the champ in two months.

Really?
Yes.

We're in very,
very good shape, my friend.

That's what
I'm tryin' to tell you.

Oh.

[APELIKE GRUNTS]

[♪♪♪]

TV:
Your attention, please.

Tune in tomorrow night
at : ,M.A.S.H. fans,

as the Korean w*r
begins all over again

with episode one, the Pilot.
That is all.

["M.A.S.H." THEME PLAYING]

[♪♪♪]

I went to Juilliard,
you know.

Marlon Brando,
Al Pacino,

Konstantin Stanislavski,
all those guys.

Can't tell you how
many movies I've done.

Ten, , ,
I lost count, really.

Did you know that
my brother's in Chicago?

I mean, not--not the city,
the rock group.

So if you ever
wanna go to the concerts,

I'll get you
front row seats.

Down--

Dr. Livingston, can I
see you for a minute?

Come on.
Yeah, sure.

Let's go.
Nice talkin' to you.

[PUNCHING, GLASS BREAKING]

Okay...so where were we?