♪♪
A tobacco company's
right to do business
versus the public health.
Joining Murphy Brown
is Allen Marshall.
Senior Legal Counsel for
the H.R. Richards Company.
Murphy.
Thank you, Jim.
Mr. Marshall, your company is
facing numerous lawsuits
brought by cigarette smokers.
With what we now know about
the health problems of smoking,
How can you claim
to have no liability?
Ms. Brown, let me remind
you, and your viewers
That a cigarette package carries
a very clear warning label.
Uh-huh.
Well, yes, but...
Many of these smokers
became addicted
before that warning label was
required by law.
A law which many people
consider to be
a watershed moment
in consumer protection.
Ms. Brown, really,
so far no one has been able to...
Not to throw cold water
On your argument, but...
Really, it just doesn't hold water.
Well, our research shows...
Why don't you think
about your answer
for a while,
While we listen to a
word from our sponsors.
Jim?
Yes?
FYI will return after this.
And we're into commercial.
Why?
What's the matter
with you people?
My water broke!
(All talking at once)
This can't be happening.
We're in the middle
of a live show.
Oh, God.
I need a cigarette.
Murphy,
it would be my privilege
to deliver your son
right here on the floor
where we first met.
I'll need the toolbox
from my truck!
We're coming out
of commercial.
Somebody's got to
drive her to the hospital.
And somebody call Eldin.
He's her Lamaze coach.
And tell him to bring her bag.
My bag?
You don't have
a bag packed?!
You know, I could use
a little more support
And a lot less nitpicking.
(All talking at once)
Quiet!
Let's calm down.
Shall we?
There's no need to panic.
Now...
You, you,
the tall man...
You drive Murphy
to the hospital.
Frank,
As soon as you're finished,
go to Murphy's
and get what she needs.
Corky, your segment's up last.
You'll close the show.
I'll call Eldin and tell him
to get to the hospital.
Oh, my God!
I can't believe it.
I've never closed the show before.
Did you hear that, Murphy?
I'm closing the show!
Jim, could I borrow your jacket, please?
Certainly, Slugger.
What do you think
I should say, Murphy?
Any thoughts?
Any thoughts at all?
A little lower, Jim.
Ah.
Did I mention,
you can keep the jacket?
Relax, Murphy.
(All talking at once.)
Hold the fort!
That was the beginning
of an incredible journey.
Your journey
into the world.
I don't know
how old you'll be
when you see this,
but you may want
to fasten your seat belt.
You're in for quite a ride.
This is Jim Dial.
Uncle Jim.
Uncle Jimmy.
Well,
you'll come up with something.
That belt I put around
Ms. Brown's waist
is a fetal monitor.
Now when a contraction begins
this line starts to curve upward.
So you'll actually be able to see
one coming before she feels it.
Truly amazing.
Um-hmm.
Ms. Brown, did you understand..?
Ms. Brown?
Wow. What a view.
Jim, look.
The Jefferson Memorial.
Isn't that great?
Now, while the baby's coming out
I can just lie back and reflect
on one of the architects of democracy.
I must have seen about
patients in my day.
But I will always remember
your mother.
We nurses learn to size up people
pretty quickly.
When a mother-to-be is interested
in the view,
It's clear that she's
absolutely unprepared for childbirth.
Your mother asked
for binoculars.
I have a question.
Is this the upward curve
you referred to?
Oh, yes, mm-hmm.
You're going to
have a contraction.
Oh...
You don't mean to tell me you could...
Yeow!
Boy, you're right.
Are you all right, Slugger?
I was merely to drive her to the hospital
and drop her off.
My preparation
goes no further than drive and drop.
Oh, no, no, no.
That's okay. It's okay.
It's funny.
I've spent a lot of time worrying
about this moment.
But now I know,
I can handle it.
Well, if you need anything
just press this call button.
I'll be here before you know it.
I'm sure you'll do
just fine.
Huh.
Okay.
Over now.
Nothing to it.
You know, I see a deck of playing cards
up on the bookshelf there.
What do you say we
play a game of gin?
Now?
You're having a baby
and you want to play cards?
This is all so civilized.
Well, what can I tell you?
Brown women are tough.
(screaming)
Gin!
I think you didn't realize
I was collecting fours.
Well, enough cards.
How about
some television?
I see In the Kitchen with Nancy
started a few minutes ago.
She's going to show us
what we can do with Jello.
There's no use turning it on
once it's started.
Oh, God.
So, how are you doing?
Just great.
Don't be surprised if you see my liver
suddenly start to appear.
It's being sucked inside out.
Okay, let's see how you're doing.
Feet up in the stirrups.
Let's go. Come on. Giddy-up.
Oh, goodness.
These cards are in
a great disarray.
Why don't I return them
to their proper numerical order.
Uh, ace of clubs,
two of clubs,...
Where's that damn three?
Is my doctor here?
This baby's ready to come out.
I'm telling you.
The head's out isn't it?
You look, Jim.
I trust you.
Here's the jack!
Okay, you can close up shop.
The baby...
Why didn't you pull him out?!
What are you waiting for?
An eight year old boy to look up
and ask for help with his homework?
You're only dilated
to three centimeters.
Out of how many?
Ten.
(laughs)
Listen to me.
I want you to listen
to me very carefully.
I have something very
important to say to you.
dr*gs!!
Why don't you wait
a half hour.
A lot of our mothers find they really
don't need them after all.
In the meantime, you could
take a walk in the hall.
That should really help
move things along.
(laughs)
I made it.
Any baby yet?
No. Where the hell
have you been, Frank?
Frank, have you seen Eldin?
No, I was at your place packing.
I got everything
you're going to need.
Six pairs of pantyhose.
I know how nuts you get
when you run out.
Your pink turtleneck.
Oh, yeah.
Something to sleep in.
You've got a lot of
different kinds of bras, Murph.
So...
I brought a selection.
Your stapler.
You had this
leftover chicken in the fridge.
I thought...
It might go bad in a day.
Look, it all made sense
at the time, okay?!
I was in a hurry.
At one point, I just
started grabbing things.
Here's a bathing suit.
Frank, this is great.
And what a coincidence
I was just thinking
how I wanted to put on
all of my underwear
and staple something!
All right, look.
I know, I at least did
one thing right, Murph.
I brought your
video camera, so I...
Oh, no. Get that
thing out of here.
There's no way
you're taping this.
I don't want bootleg copies
of me spread out like a wishbone
winding up at some
Republican fundraiser.
(monitor beeping)
You know, Murphy,
it occurred to me,
with Frank here
this is the
perfect time for me
to run down to the
gift shop for some cigars.
You can't have a baby born
without cigars.
By the way, Slugger,
I believe another contraction is coming.
Goodbye!
Good ol' Jim.
What a character.
So Murph...
Ahhh!
Is this a contraction?
Ahhh!
This looks like
it really hurts.
Murph?
Oh, Murph...
What does it feel like?
Trust me, Frank.
It hurts.
Hurts how?
A tightening?
Stabbing?
sh**ting?
Aching?
Look, remember that time...
When I reached down in my car
to pick up the newspaper
when I was pulling into
my driveway,
And I fell out,
and the car ran over my hand?
That hurt a lot.
Is it that kind of pain?
Murph. Really.
I want to understand.
I know I'm a man, but...
I want to experience this with you.
Frank?
Yeah?
Come here.
Closer.
Well, kid...
I never did get to
experience the pain
only a woman can feel.
I did however get
to experience the pain
only a man can feel.
Take it from your uncle Frankie...
Years from now when
your wife goes into labor
and she gives you one of these.
Don't fall for it.
It certainly was a day
I'll never forget.
I closed the show.
I didn't want to say
what Jim always says.
I need my own trademark.
So I came up with...
Buh-bye.
I was thinking about saying
buh-bye, now.
But it seems a little wordy.
Doesn't it?
Do you think I made
the right choice?
I'm obsessing, aren't I?
This tape is about you,
not me.
So...
Welcome to the world.
And buh-bye.
Now.
Can I do this again?
It's no use, Corky.
This kid's never coming out.
I'm going to spend the rest of my life
making sandwiches
and sending them up to him.
Murphy,
why are you walking?
The baby's going to fall out.
Oh, Miles.
I'm so happy to see you.
I was really frightened you were going to miss
the wonderful experience I've had the past
four hours and minutes.
walking Murphy up and down the hall.
But now, it's your turn to share the joy.
I'll be down in the pharmacy
renewing my prescription
for birth control pills.
All right, Miles.
Let's move it,
move it, move it.
I want to get this kid out
before my th birthday.
And where the hell is Eldin?
I have no idea.
What do you mean?
He's always at my house.
How can I go through delivery
without my Lamaze coach?
I'm an Executive Producer.
I'll just Executive Produce this baby.
Don't I always take care of everything?
Like the captain of a ship.
The pilot of a plane.
(screaming)
She just...
heard how much
they charge for hospital parking.
It isn't easy
giving birth.
...I've been told.
I guess it wasn't easy from
your point of view either.
'Cause you didn't seem
to want to come out.
But I want you to know...
Your mother was very brave.
She behaved
as best she could.
... under the circumstances.
You son of a bitch!
You man!
You !
You and every other man!
I'm taking you with me!
Hey, Frank, are you finding anything?
At this stage, the mother
may be restless or irritable.
Maintain eye contact
While providing encouragement.
Murph, you're doing very well.
And it won't be much longer now.
How would you know,
Sperm-for-Brains?
How many times have you
ever passed a live turkey?
Still no word from Eldin...
Oh, Good Lord!
Jim, cut me open.
Cut me open and get
this kid out of me.
Use a scalpel.
Use a pocket Kn*fe.
Use a rotten, stinking
melon baller, if you have to.
Just do it!
Here's some ice chips, Murphy.
Can I put some in your mouth?
I see your hands are full.
Forget the ice chips, Corky.
You're a woman.
You've got to help me.
Smother me with a pillow.
Do it for the sisterhood.
Do it for Betty Friedan.
k*ll me now.
She's going to blow.
Well, hello there, Murphy.
So what do you think?
Are you ready to have this baby?
I've been having it
since Lincoln was in office.
Where the hell have you been?
Don't worry.
I haven't missed a thing.
I could hear you yelling
all the way across town.
The nurse says you're at centimeters.
It's time to push.
The Lamaze coach can stay.
Everybody else out.
You know how, every now and then,
you get a taste for crabcakes?
So I drive to Maryland.
Nothing takes the place of authentic.
Remember that.
Now when I get back, I notice--
There's a broken window.
I go inside.
Drawers are open.
Things are strewn about.
And oddly,
there's a trail of brassieres
on the stairs.
And the stapler's missing.
Now it's takes me about half a day
to file a police report.
When I finally get
back to the house,
I notice the phone machine.
You know, where it says
how many messages there are...
.
I'm here. I'm here.
I was in Maryland.
The window was busted.
And I don't want to worry you or nothing
But the good stapler is missing.
It doesn't matter Eldin.
I'm not doing this.
I changed my mind.
I don't want a baby.
Let's go home now.
She's having a lot of trouble focusing.
If she doesn't push
It could get complicated.
See, I'm not really ready for this.
I am ready, but... but...
This is the real thing.
The main event.
I mean if there's maybe a place
I could for a few seconds
to maybe meditate.
I can only deal with
one patient at a time.
If you can't help
I suggest you wait outside.
Come on, Murphy.
Push!
Just leave me alone.
I never should have
tried to do this.
Just leave me here to die.
Okay, now.
Come on.
We can do this.
Remember our training.
I want you to focus.
I can't.
Yes.
Yes, you can.
I want you to tune out
everything else.
And just listen
to the sound
of my voice.
(singing)
Hold it and push.
This time,
try to push a little longer.
Deep breath.
And one...
two...
three...
four...
five...
Oh, yeah.
He's out.
I know that it's hard to tell
'Cause you still got
quite a gut there.
Hi, Murph.
Up for some visitors?
Hi, guys.
I had a baby.
We know.
Oh, gee.
I can't believe you all stayed
for the whole thing.
And Phil's here.
Hey there, Murphy.
It's not every day you have a baby
So I wanted to get you
something special.
Here.
It's a house account at Phil's.
First one we've ever given out.
Aw, Phil.
And it's made out to Baby Brown.
And I put strained carrots on the menu.
Mostly for the baby
But some of the senior members of
the Supreme Court have
been lobbying for it.
Excuse me, Ms. Brown,
but you have another visitor.
I thought you'd like to have
him in here for a while.
And he's going to want to be fed soon.
Fed?
Oh, God.
This is weird.
My body's making milk.
It's like one day you suddenly find
you can get bacon out of your elbow.
Everyone...
I think we should be going now.
It's time for Murphy to have
some quiet time with the baby.
So they can start
the bonding process.
No, no, no, no.
You don't have to leave.
We have plenty
of time for that.
or years.
I mean it's not like
I can give him back.
Can I?
Bye, Murphy.
You did good.
See you later.
Listen.
You know
That I don't have
many heroes.
But this morning
at : am
I found one.
You.
Sometimes,
you...
You really surprise yourself
with what you can do.
You know...
I know
That this is impossible,
but...
He seems
to have my eyes.
I'll see you little fella.
I'll see you too.
Bye.
Bye.
Here you go.
Now you buzz me,
if you need anything.
Wait. Are you going to go too?
There's so many things
I need to know.
Is he too young
to watch television?
If he doesn't grow any teeth
Is there a number I can call?
If I don't come up
with a name for him
In, say a year..?
Is that a very bad thing?
You're very funny.
Hi.
See you got a little hat.
Mother would have loved it.
While we're on
the subject of mothers,
I'd better warn you upfront.
I'm not going to be
like other mothers.
I don't cook, or sew,
or make stuffed animals
talk in funny voices.
But I promise
that you won't have to wait
until after the cake to
open your birthday presents.
I'm going to make
a lot of mistakes.
I'll try and keep it under
... .
Are we bonding yet?
I can't tell.
I probably shouldn't
have said that.
Damn.
Mistake number one.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I swore. Now that's mistake number two.
Murph?
I'm sorry to interrupt.
I know you said
no videos of the birth
But well...
I've been putting the camera to use
the last couple of hours.
Sort of a present we're
working on for the baby.
And I was thinking, if
I could just get one more thing
It would be complete.
Gee, Frank, I don't know.
I'm such a mess.
No, Murph, you look great.
Come on.
Send a message.
Just a few words to
let the kid know who you are.
Whatever you feel
comfortable with.
(singing Natural Woman)