(Baby crying)
♪♪ Don't you ever be sad ♪♪
♪♪ Lean on me
when times are bad ♪♪
♪♪ When the day comes
and you are down ♪♪
♪♪ And I hear of trouble... ♪♪
(Baby crying)
♪♪ Hold on, I'm coming... ♪♪
(Baby crying)
♪♪ Hold on, I'm coming ♪♪
♪♪ I'm on my way, your lover ♪♪
♪♪ If you get cold,
yeah, I will be your cover... ♪♪
Eldin?
Eldin, I'm leaving.
I'm all set to go.
Hey, do you mind?
I'm in there trying
to calm the baby
And you're yelling
About leaving.
A parent's first day
back to work
Can be traumatic for a child
But come on,
he's only six weeks old.
All I am to him
is a blonde buffet.
He's not even going to know
I'm gone.
Temporarily gone!
Only to return
at the end of the day
With lots and lots of presents.
You know, a selection
of tub toys would be nice.
Don't make this worse
than it is.
Look at me. I'm cool,
I'm collected, and why?
Because I planned
this entire day
And so far,
everything is running perfectly.
All you need is
a little flexibility
A sense of humor, and a good
supply of clean blouses.
"Flexibility"-- a word
that has not yet found its way
Onto the brown family
coat of arms.
" : -- Take shower,
brush teeth."
I didn't floss, but there's
that long light at m street.
" : -- Greet new nanny.
: -- Arrive at office."
There will probably be
a "welcome back" celebration of some kind--
Cake, balloons.
"And then, at : ,
begin work."
I hope that new nanny
isn't going to be late.
You like her, don't you, eldin?
Oh, yeah,
although she is british.
The baby will be around her a lot.
What if he
picks up that accent?
Nobody wants their kid's
first words to be "pip, pip."
That would be weird.
(Doorbell rings)
Right on time.
I think she's going to work out
just fine.
Good morning,
miss brown.
Hello. Come in.
I'm so sorry. I usually try
to arrive a little early
But I had to stop
and pick up some lunch.
Eldin, look at this.
Punctual, and she brings
her own lunch--
The two qualities
I like most in a person.
Margaret,
you remember eldin?
Oh, yes... The painter.
Hello.
Cheerios]
Well, margaret,
we're all set.
Adlai's in the den.
He's fed...
Adlai? Who's adlai?
Is there another painter?
No, adlai's the baby--
adlai stevenson brown.
I thought his name
was lech walesa brown.
We decided he didn't
look like a lech.
No,you decided.
For me, it's still a toss-up
Between lech
and donny.
I'm just going to say
good-bye to him.
Tell me, mr. Bernecky,
does miss brown pay every week
Or every other week?
Welcome to my world.
That went pretty well.
I'll miss the little guy...
Not that there's a lot to miss.
He doesn't have
a personality yet.
His brain isn't
fully developed.
Add a set of golf clubs
He could be
the vice-president.
Well, don't want to be late
my first day back.
Everything will be fine.
Thanks.
Well, good-bye.
It's always hard the first day.
Well, I suppose I'd better
be looking in on the master.
Uh, margaret...
Sorry. One thing.
I don't know
if you'll be ironing today
But if you do, please unplug it
before you leave the room.
What I've heard about irons
is that they can start fires.
I won't be doing
any ironing, ma'am.
Okay. Good-bye.
Margaret, hi.
I don't know if you know
But if you see a warning
From the emergency broadcast
system, don't worry.
It's just a warning.
In the event of
a real emergency
You'll be instructed
where to tune in your area
For news
and information.
How comforting.
So few new mothers think
to remind their nannies
Of the thr*at
of thermonuclear w*r.
Good.
Eldin, everything okay?
On this side
of the door, yes.
Excellent.
Well, I'm off.
I'll just be leaving now.
Good-bye.
Okay, we're looking good.
She's going to her car,
she's getting in.
I think
we're going to be okay.
Oh, look who's here!
Woman:
murphy!
Yes, I'm back, so let's
just bring out the cake
And get it over with.
Corky:
oh, look at the baby boy.
Isn't he a big boy
coming to see his mommy work.
(Playful chattering)
Guys... Hello?
I've been gone for six weeks,
for crying out loud.
Oh, murphy,
we're glad to see you too.
Oh, look,
he's blowing bubbles!
Oh!
You'll want to save me
a piece of that cake.
So much
for traveling light.
Is this everything
Or is gunga din bringing up
more from the lobby?
It's a baby thing.
You have to bring everything,
just in case.
Murphy, what's this?
Testing, one,
two, three.
It's a breast pump,
miles.
Miss brown, if I may
I feel I should
caution against
Overstimulating the baby.
Murphy:
uh...
Guys, it's time
to focus on work.
Margaret, you'd better
take him into my office.
Very good, ma'am.
Overstimulating
the baby?
I've never been accused
Of overstimulating anyone
in my life.
Miles, I hadn't planned
on bringing in the baby
But the nanny seemed
a little anxious
About being left alone
with him on the first day.
I understand completely.
We can try this again
tomorrow.
I just had
a light day planned.
Maybe pitch out
a few story areas.
Are you taking it easy
because of me?
Don't lie.
I'm a mother.
I can tell
when people lie.
I can also use spit
To clean off
a person's face.
I swear.
An informal idea session.
We're about to start.
Perfect. I've got
a story ready to pitch.
Just let me get
my kid settled.
"My kid." Is that always
going to sound so weird?
Five minutes, miles.
H, and I'll be needing
a new secretary.
I'll call personnel.
Murphy, welcome back.
Thanks, miles.
Between footage of the rioting
and the rebuilding effort.
Good story, franko.
I'm adding that to the list
of things to tell murphy
When she comes out
Which she will, eventually.
Just to recap,
we've got frank's story
We've got corky's
next two stories.
Jim's commentaries
Are covered between now
and the election.
So, what else?
Judas iscariot, nothing.
We've been here for three
hours and I'm starving.
Sorry, but I can't stand
having a late lunch.
Now dinner will be pushed back
Which impacts
on tomorrow's breakfast
Which impacts
on tomorrow's lunch.
I'll be having sunday brunch
next thursday afternoon.
Come on, jimbo,
hang in there.
Murphy said she'll be out
in five minutes.
She's been saying that all day.
You know,
I really admire murphy
For trying
to balance her career
And a baby
at the same time.
Now that I've said that,
go in there
And drag her maternal butt
out here.
Guys... I'm really sorry.
Oh, murphy.
He needed to eat.
I had to change him twice.
My problem is that nanny.
She doesn't seem
up to the job.
I'm handling it.
Sure you are, murphy.
Just remember,
this is valuable experience
That will make life
that much easier
If you ever have
any more babies.
Think you will?
Only if I can use
Your uterus.
If everyone is ready,
murphy brown is ready to pitch.
And here it is--
political dirty tricks groups.
We know they're out there.
We know the damage they can do.
Excuse me, miss brown.
I'm having
a bit of trouble.
Yes, margaret?
Was I to file the mail
alphabetically
Or by date received?
I'm afraid
I don't quite follow.
One more time.
The mail gets opened and filed
by date received.
You write down
the phone messages
In order of return priority.
It isn't that difficult,
margaret.
It's not what I was
hired to do, is it now?
I believe I'm supposed
to be looking after the baby.
For the past three hours
I have been looking
after the baby, doing your job.
You owe me three hours' work.
All right, then.
What did I tell you?
Are we going
to hear my pitch?
Political dirty tricks groups.
We know they're out there.
We know the damage they can do.
Miss brown,
adlai is comfortable.
The mail is on your desk.
I quit.
I'm right in the middle of work.
I'm not going
down this road again.
First it's your mail,
then your phone messages.
Next thing I know
I'm mucking out the stables
and grooming your polo ponies.
Not bloody likely, miss brown.
Not bloody likely.
Very professional.
What agency
are you with again?
Nannies 'n' more?
What's the 'n' more
stand for?
Not 'n' typing.
Not 'n' filing.
You're a quitter,
margaret.
I bet mary poppins
never quit.
If I were mary poppins
I know what I'd do
with that umbrella right now.
Hah! The british...
Notorious quitters.
Little colonies--
they couldn't handle it.
This is not a problem.
The truth is,
she was holding me back.
I'll check the baby
and be right back.
Actually, murph
We were thinking
about breaking for lunch.
That's a good idea--
a working lunch.
I can pitch my story
down at phil's.
Sounds good.
Let's go.
I'll get the elevator.
Wait a minute.
We can't go to phil's.
There's nobody here
to look after the baby.
No problem.
I'll just take the baby with us.
I'll go get him.
Back in five minutes.
(Whimpering)
Here we are.
Wasn't too bad.
It only took minutes.
, Actually.
Menus! Menus!
You couldn't wait?
You didn't see me
drop the turtle?
It's not a turtle.
It's mr. Froggie.
Well, now it's mr. Road k*ll.
Hey, there, murphy.
You're back.
Hiya, phil.
Aw, you picked a bad day
to bring the little one in.
Pat buchanan's here.
He's circulating a petition
to change the name
Of our species
to heterosapiens.
Don't worry about it, phil.
I don't need
any special attention.
Nothing's changed.
I'll get some menus.
Hey, pat! Cut it out!
The guy's erasing "fruit plate"
from the specials board.
You're out of control,
mister.
God, it's great
to be back.
Okay, let's get into it.
Political dirty tricks groups.
We know they're out there.
We know the damage
they can do.
Perhaps we should order.
I'll have
a mixed green salad.
Hold that thought.
It's murphy's
first day back.
Let her start.
Women and children first.
By all means.
Let's model our lunch
after the titanic.
I'll have the usual--
a phil burger.
There's somebody
smoking.
That's not good
for the baby.
I'm afraid she's right.
I hate to be a bother,
but maybe just this once.
No problem, murphy.
Hey, there.
I'm sure you weren't
aware of it
But if you look over here
You'll see that you're smoking
in front of a baby.
These are my cigarettes.
Let him buy his own.
(Chuckling)
Yeah, that's funny.
Here's five bucks.
Put it out.
Thanks, phil.
Okay, we're all set now.
(Coughing)
Do you believe that?
Hack all over my baby,
why don't you?
I'll be right back.
Here's five bucks.
When you get
the urge to cough
Do me a favor
and step outside, will you?
(Everyone at the bar coughing)
Oh, knock it off.
Thanks, phil.
I'll have a phil burger
and fries, same as always.
Mixed green salad...
(Baby crying)
Phil burger,
medium well...
Jack cheese....
Is he okay?
This won't last long.
He'll cry himself out
in a few seconds.
Okay, okay,
you can stop now.
Why is he crying?
Is he hungry?
I don't know.
Is he wet?
Is he tired?
I don't know.
♪
♪♪ Oh, mandy, you came
and you gave without taking... ♪
Frank:
what are you doing?
Are you singing
a barry manilow song?
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are!
You were singing "mandy."
Sometimes it calms him down,
okay?
Really? I love
barry manilow.
♪♪ Oh, mandy ♪♪
♪♪ Well, you came
and you gave without taking ♪♪
It only works if I sing.
That's part of the curse.
He is loud
for a little thing.
Doggie?
Should we put
this plug
In his mouth?
Maybe we'd better
go to plan "b."
I'll take him back
to the office.
You guys stay here
and have lunch.
Good idea.
Burger, salad, fries.
Okay, okay.
I'll need this and this.
Oh, and I need this.
Aw, geez, how am I going
to handle all this stuff?
(Everyone groans)
Oh, you guys
are the best, really.
Miles, that's a $ monkey.
Drop it and it will be you
sitting in his crib
Holding a banana.
All:
shh!
He's finally asleep.
I turned on c-span,
and he dropped right off.
I'll keep an ear on things
with this monitor.
Okay.
Political dirty tricks groups...
All:
"we know they're out there.
We know the damage they do."
Well, I'm glad
you've been listening.
Anyway,
I will look at these groups...
Do you hear anything?
I don't hear anything.
I guess he's just
sleeping quietly.
Very quietly.
Much more quietly than usual.
Anyway...
Let me make sure he's breathing.
Five minutes, miles.
Five minutes.
Who is she kidding?
By the time five of her minutes
go by
I'll be trying out my new hip
and complaining about my son
With the shiksa wife.
Murphy, we need to talk.
It's okay. He's asleep.
Not so fast, murphy.
We appreciate
what you're trying to do
But you should go home,
get your life in order
And come back...
Forget it, miles.
This is something
I have to do.
I can be a great reporter
and a great mom.
I have everything
under control.
In six hours,
you haven't gotten past
The first two lines
of your pitch.
Everyone is
tiptoeing around
And my head feels like
someone took my optic nerve
And tied it into
a sheepshank!
I am pitching my story
and you are staying too
Even if I have to chain
your legs to the water cooler
And stand on
your skinny little chest.
Oh, nice talk for a mother.
That's right.
I am a mother.
You are so far out
of your mind.
You think writing down
on a spit-up cloth...
(Baby whimpers)
Knock, knock!
Hi, miss brown, sandy galloway
Your new secretary.
Hey, hey, hey!
Well, hey, hey
to you, too, cutie.
Oh, look at the baby.
Isn't he sweet?
(Baby crying)
Why don't you
step outside with me
And then we'll have you
step onto the elevator
And out of the building.
Oh, it's an employee
orientation thing?
Does anybody
want gum?
Let me guess.
Five minutes, right?
Tops.
Yeah.
Murphy:
then I cut from
the watergate footage
Into the interviews
with the new dirty-tricks guys.
You know,
what the new generation
Has picked up
from the old masters.
Hold on a second.
I've got to switch sides.
This is a weird way to work.
Murphy talking.
We hear her,
she doesn't hear us.
So really, nothing's changed.
I'm back.
We go out on footage
of people voting.
What goes on
behind a closed curtain
As influenced by what goes on
behind closed doors.
So, that's it.
I'm just about done
and then I'll be out
To take my bows.
"Right out" could be anywhere
from three days to infinity.
Look, I'm leaving while I can.
I'm going to go home,
bow down to doris
And give thanks for her defunct
reproductive system.
Corky:
oh, sure.
It's always the woman.
The woman has
to have the baby.
The woman has to balance
her career and her child.
If men had babies
Maternity leave would be
in the bill of rights.
You know, you do have
a point there, corky
But we don't have babies.
♪♪
♪♪ No, we don't
♪♪ And we're glad we don't,
we are men and we're free ♪♪
♪♪ We are men, we are men,
we are manly men ♪♪
♪♪ We have hair on our backs ♪♪
Both:
♪♪ we are men, we are men... ♪♪
Both:
oww! Corky!
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Well, it's a small group
But I'm sure
it's an appreciative one.
Great story.
Vintage murphy brown.
Yep! Not only was I able
to pitch my story
But my son is healthy, fed
And he even helped me
by doubling as a paperweight.
At the risk of inflating
your ego further
I admit you pulled it off.
Now that I've proved it,
if I ever try it again
Cram me in a stroller
and shove me in front of a bus.
Take tomorrow morning off
And find a new nanny.
It's a promise, miles.
I've got to tell you
It was a little scary
coming in here today.
I guess I felt I had
a lot to prove to myself
But it felt right
being back here again.
Yep, I'm going to be okay.
See you tomorrow, miles.
Uh, murphy...
I would have remembered him
at some point.