05x11 - The Spy Who Mugged Me

[bunniefuu]

I've arrived
at rendezvous, General.

We'll re-establish from
Agent Ross' room.

Oh, Ms. Trench.

This just came in. Special delivery for
Mr. Ross. It looked kind of important.

I trust you're all acquainted
with The Jaguar.

Jaguar. Oh, yes, yes.

Six or twelve cylinder?

No, he's talking about
a t*rror1st, Frank.

Jaguar's known as the most
dangerous man in the world.

Since no one has ever
actually seen The Jaguar,

I've had to use every resource
at my disposal to uncover him.

Six months ago, I placed
Special Agent Logan Ross

on the man I believed
to be The Jaguar.

Yesterday, Ross' hotel room
was destroyed by a b*mb blast.

Able Ten is lucky she's alive.

As I take it, Agent Ross
wasn't so fortunate?

Well, actually, Agent Ross
never really existed.

He was nothing more than
a clever sleight of hand,

to force The Jaguar
to make his move.

What's the slimeball's name?

His name is Charles Jourdan

and he owns one of the most
successful casinos in Monte Carlo.

Don't let
the wheelchair throw you.

We haven't found conclusive evidence of
any paralysis in Jourdan's medical package.

Her name is Dominique Conre

and she has been Mr. Jourdan's
companion for the past six years.

A major client of Jourdan's is
due in Monte Carlo in 24 hours,

regarding something
called "Undertow."

So you have just one day to
find out who this client is,

what Undertow is all about,
and how you're going to stop it.

What we need is someone
to occupy Jourdan's attention

while the rest of us
find out about Undertow.

Someone so deadly, so clever,

someone so sophisticated

that he can get under Jourdan's
skin and push him to the brink.

There's only one man
who fits that description.

Logan Ross.

May I help you?

Yes. The name is Ross.
Logan Ross.

Oui, Monsieur Ross.
The Presidential Suite.

And have my bags sent up
to the room, please.

Of course.

Is there anything else
I can do for Monsieur Ross?

Later, perhaps.

Nice, Murdock.

I guess it wasn't too bad,
considering you're new at this.

Now let Jourdan know
you're in town.

Passing Murdock off
as a secret agent, Hannibal...

He's not even convincing
as a sewage worker.

Face, somebody like The Jaguar

would spot you as a member
of the A-Team in two seconds.

Now it had to be Murdock.

Or Frankie.

Frankie?

Orange juice, please.

Shaken, not stirred.

And I'd like a bottle of
Dom Perignon '75.

My apologies, monsieur, but we
are temporarily out of stock.

Will '78 suffice?

Well, I don't see why not.

I'll tell you why not.
Because '78 is an abomination.

A mere shadow of '75. Try '71.

Except I wouldn't wash
my car with that vintage.

Try '71.

And send it to Monsieur Jourdan.

Compliments of Mr. Ross.
Logan Ross.

Yes. Yes. Thank you.

That was the American Embassy.

Ambassador Moore and his entourage
will be stopping by this evening.

I'll take
care of them personally.

Compliments of a guest,
Monsieur Jourdan.

Shall I put this in your office?

Yes. That'll be fine.

- Frederic?
- Yes, monsieur.

Where is the man
who sent this message?

I couldn't help noticing.
You've got wonderful form.

Merci.
Are you a fan of diving?

No, I'm a fan of divers.

It's turned chilly. I'd get out
of that wet suit if I were you.

You're not in this wet suit.

Not yet.

Mineral water.

May I suggest that you try
that shaken, not stirred.

You're full of suggestions,
aren't you, Monsieur...

It's Ross. Logan Ross.
Allow me.

Are you here on business
or pleasure, Monsieur Ross?

Whichever I can fit in.

Logan Ross. I still
can't believe it's true.

He must have the lives of a cat to
have lived through such an expl*si*n.

How do you know
for sure that it's him?

We've never actually
had a look at him.

He registered under Ross' business
cover. He wears Italian suits.

He tips 100-franc notes.

Very well.

We shall see how many lives
Mr. Ross has remaining.

Summon Dominique.

Tell her
the cocktail hour is over.

Perhaps we could have
dinner this evening.

I'm afraid
that would be impossible.

Dessert, then?

I don't eat anything sweet.

That reminds of me
of an old story.

Do you know how many calories
there are in a teaspoon of sugar?

This has been a pleasant
diversion, but it's time I go.

Well, will I see you again?

Depends on where you look.

Good afternoon, Monsieur Ross.

Now this is a good hand.

What's so good about it?
All I've got is nine.

That's the whole idea, Murdock.

See, in Chemin de Fer,
nine is the best hand.

Murdock, here's your stake.
325,000 francs.

It's about $50,000.

With the reluctant
compliments of Stockwell.

I love to see him suffer.

And if you lose a dime of that,

Stockwell's gonna make us
hitchhike back home.

Hey, Hannibal, Jourdan is on
his way down to the casino.

What a coincidence.
So are we.

Card.

Monsieur Ross wins again.

I'm told you're quite a card
player, Ambassador Moore.

I like to play a little, yeah.

You must join me
in my private game later.

Take good care
of the Ambassador, will you?

Thank you.
See you later.

We have a request to raise
the limit, Monsieur Jourdan.

I can see why.
I admire your luck, monsieur.

It's Ross. Logan Ross.

Oh, my friend, Mr. Ross.

The champagne was
quite a surprise.

You must allow me
to thank you properly.

Well, certainly.

And perhaps you'd allow Dominique to
share a drink with me this evening.

I'm afraid that would be
quite impossible.

Another time, perhaps.

And in deference to my other guests,
I'm afraid the house limit must remain.

However, if you're looking
for more stimulating adventure,

we have a seat open
in the 9:00 game,

when the limit will be lifted.

Splendid, splendid. 9:00.

That gives me time
to tidy up a bit.

Might I suggest that you store those
in the cage, where they will be safer?

Well, thank you, but I like to keep
my winnings close to the breast.

They might come in handy.
9:00. Give these to the boys.

Yes, monsieur.

Monsieur Ross has quite a way
about him, don't you agree, darling?

Yes. Yes, such a shame

his visit can't be longer.

- Yes?
- Room service.

Shall I set you up
on the terrace?

Yes, that'll be splendid.
Thank you.

Well, I do hope that
won't appear on the bill.

Compliments of Monsieur Jourdan.

Thanks for the help, Murdock!

It wouldn't do for
Logan Ross to break a sweat.

Let's get rid of these guys
before they find out we exist.

I'm sorry I'm late.

I had trouble with room service.

You did say 9:00?

Yes, of course.

Fetch another chair
for Monsieur Ross.

I lose track of who's coming.
Please forgive me.

My winnings, they came in
handy sooner than I thought.

Monsieur Jourdan wins again.

It appears the odds have turned
against you, Monsieur Ross.

Yes. If I didn't have such
a beautiful face to look at,

the evening would be
a total loss.

Monsieur Jourdan wins again.

What took you? Murdock's
down to his last fifty grand.

Don't worry about it. I figured
out how Jourdan's cheating.

He's using those glasses,
those colored glasses

to read infrared
markings off the cards.

Is that thing gonna work?

I hit the right frequency,

those overhead lights blow,
Mr. Jourdan's on his own.

Card.

Well, that makes
things cozier, doesn't it?

Replace those bulbs immediately.

Come, Monsieur Jourdan, you're
not going to hold up the game?

There's plenty of light.

It will only take a moment.

I'm certain you can read
these markings in the dark.

I checked out Jourdan's
office. No problem.

Well, let's take a look inside.

Murdock, keep Jourdan and
his men busy for a while.

It's amazing how quickly
one's luck can change.

Now, give these to the boys.

Merci, Monsieur Ross.

Now if you'll excuse me
a moment, I won't be long.

The alarm is bypassed and in
record time. Thank you very much.

It's got to be fast, guys.
Where's the safe?

Here's something.

Some navigational charts of the
Mediterranean. Check them out, Frank.

Sure makes me wonder
why a bigtime casino boss

would have navigational
charts hidden in his safe.

Hey.

Look at this, "Arrival time,
10:00 a.m. tomorrow."

"650,000 francs," signed Kamal.

That's 10 times the house limit.

This has got to be The Jaguar's
method of getting his payment.

His clients come into the casino and
then lose the exact amount they owe him.

Yeah. Almost makes it seem
nice and legitimate.

Yeah.

Well, looks like this Kamal was
willing to pay 650,000 francs

to make Undertow happen.

Ross is taking a long time.
Go and check him out.

I got the bug
all ready, Hannibal.

Let Jourdan know
he's got a visitor, Frank.

How could Ross
break into my office?

I gave orders for his
every step to be watched!

It doesn't seem possible.

I had two men watching the door.

I want Ross found! Now!

Well, forgive me. I hope I
haven't held the game up too long.

We surprised Ross
before he could take these.

In any case, they wouldn't
mean anything to him.

I don't know how
he keeps doing this.

But perhaps we should hold off

on Operation Undertow
tomorrow...

Ross will not compromise me.

I'm sorry, Mr. Jourdan.

You'll be even sorrier
if my plans are disrupted.

Fortunately, I'm taking Mr.
Ross' future into my own hands.

Tomorrow? We don't even
know what it is yet.

Hannibal, according
to these coordinates,

Undertow is taking place

in the Golfe du Lion, about
10 miles south of Marseilles.

Kamal will be
in tomorrow at 10:00.

We'll have to have
a little chat with him.

Murdock get back all right?

I haven't seen
Murdock all night.

But Logan Ross
is safe and sound.

Well, tell Logan Ross to come
in here. I want to update him.

No. Please, please.
Allow me, Frankie.

Allow me to summon
the great Logan Ross.

Well, well, well.

Nice fit, don't you think?

Well, it never looked
that good on me.

Tell me do you always walk into a
strange man's room and try on his clothes?

I thought you'd be
happy to see me.

I thought you'd be
very happy to see me.

I'm just surprised, that's all.

I was under the impression

that Charles kept you
on a rather tight leash.

Now where would you
get that idea?

Charles wouldn't put
any demands on me.

He's not that way at all.

Yes, I'm sure
he's quite a catch.

Tell me what's the purpose
of your little expedition?

You do go on, don't you?

Charles wouldn't
stoop to such tricks.

He happens to be a wonderful
man and he treats me splendidly.

Well, then you should go back to him,
by all means. But do leave the shirt.

Logan, please. I thought there
was an attraction between us.

Let me stay for a little while.

Are you paid by the hour?

Tell me, how far did Charles tell you
you could go to get your information?

Logan, please.

Ever since you arrived in Monte
Carlo, he's been a changed man.

He's almost obsessed
with your presence.

I've never seen
this side of him before.

It scares me.

Well, you've got good instincts.

Please don't make me go.

I don't know what he might do
to me in his frame of mind.

All right.

You can stay for a bit.

Thank you, Logan.

On one condition.

That you tell me everything

that Charles wants to know.

Anything I can find out.

Murdock?

Murdock, not here! Take her
somewhere else, will you?

Murdock, can you hear me?

Murdock, I told you...

Murdock, Murdock...

Look, if you think I'm gonna
stand out here in the rain

while you disport yourself...

I know you can hear me.
Would you...

Oh, no!

Good morning, darling.

You must have had quite an
interesting chat with Mr. Ross.

Mostly we discussed politics.

He must be
quite a conversationalist

to have made such drivel last
throughout the night.

He's a bore, Charles.

He's no match for you
in any department.

Don't play me
for a fool, my darling.

It would be such a waste.

Let's go, everybody!

Rise and shine!
Up and at them!

Face, what are you
doing out here?

Oversleeping? You're supposed
to be watching Jourdan, man.

Look at the time.
You're supposed to...

I don't believe
you're sleeping...

You left me out there

to be rained on

while you were in there
with her!

What are you complaining about?
At least you got some sleep.

I was up all night.

Kamal checked in this morning.

He should be having
breakfast with B.A.

Face, I think
you're choking him.

You want to let go now?

Please, let me go, let me go!

Inside, get inside!

We shall see which one
of you is my betrayer.

What is happening here?

I do not know, my friend.

One of you have brought
me false instructions

to change the site
of my next assignment

to a place where a regiment
of International Police

is waiting for me.

You are The Jaguar?

I think I know

who the guilty one is.

I am completely loyal to you.

As am I.

Jaguar! Please no!

Now, I hope

I have not sh*t the wrong man.

What was the original agreement?

650,000 francs to assassinate

Ambassador Moore today,
at the Opera House.

And Undertow, Kamal.

What about the Golfe du Lion?

Undertow?

What is Undertow? I have
been told nothing about this.

Nothing!
You must believe me!

I'm satisfied we do not
have another guilty one.

Take this guy outside
and put him on ice.

Murdock, get in here.

Didn't look like he knew
anything about Undertow.

Well, we'll take care of
the Ambassador first.

Get hold of the Opera House. Find
out what time the curtain goes up.

We're still okay. Face is
covering Jourdan, right now.

Jourdan got away. And he
left his wheelchair behind.

Are you all right,
Mr. Ambassador?

Yes, yes.

Good Lord.
What's going on here?

I believe it's Rigoletto.

How did he get away so fast?

For a guy who doesn't walk,
Jourdan sure gets around.

Everything's arranged?

Yes, sir. Colonel Safir has been
informed of the change in rendezvous.

Excellent.

The caterers are setting up. Will there
be just yourself and the Colonel for lunch?

No. Dominique and a guest
will also be joining.

For someone who invited me to
lunch, you don't look very happy.

You know very well
it was Charles' idea, Logan.

You're only asking
for trouble by coming today.

Well, if I didn't come,
Charles might throw a tantrum

and I'd hate for you
to be the bone of contention.

At least be careful.

At this point, Charles
is capable of anything.

Nonsense! I'm sure, he's going
to be a perfect gentleman.

Pull!

Hello, my darling.

Dominique.

And Mr. Ross.

How nice of you to join me.

Well, it's my pleasure.

I'm going to go
below and change.

Pull!

Couldn't you find
a fishing rod to your liking?

Haven't you ever sh*t skeet?

You simply blow a clay pigeon
out of the sky. Let me show you.

Pull!

What could be simpler?

It looks terribly difficult.

Would you pull one for me?

Pull!

That Logan's quite a sh*t.

I don't like it, Hannibal.

Murdock out there
where we can't reach him.

Well, Operation Undertow's
going down today.

Murdock's our only chance
to find out what it is.

Besides, he's not all alone.

Frankie will keep an eye on him.

Let's put
formalities aside, shall we?

Ever since you arrived
in Monte Carlo,

you've managed to make
quite a pest of yourself.

I don't think Ambassador Moore
would agree with you there.

Without a doubt, you've
proved a worthy adversary.

So, instead of merely
k*lling you,

I'm first gonna give you the chance
to become part of my organization.

Well, I'm flattered, really.

What would my duties entail?

Removing the dead bodies
that you have left behind?

I advise you to give my offer
serious consideration.

The alternative is
much less attractive.

Well, I'll consider it, but I'm
afraid I can't take it seriously.

You disappoint me, Mr. Ross.

I obviously gave you
more credit than you deserve.

Take him below and sh**t him.

Give my regards to
the sharks, Mr. Ross.

I have been told

that sharks avoid
a strong undertow at any cost.

An interesting choice of words.

You told me to do away
with all formalities.

Well, I assure you, I know everything
there is to know about Operation Undertow.

You know two meaningless words.

Take him away.

Do you think I work alone?

On second thought,
lock him in cabin two.

Only a temporary reprieve,
Mr. Ross.

They're leaving.

Cast off, B.A.
Fire her up, Face.

I want to stay close.

Logan, are you all right?

For the moment. My hands.

I've never seen
Charles like this before.

I'm afraid something
terrible is going to happen.

Nothing's going to happen,
but you have to help me.

Where is Charles headed?

I heard him talk to Frobe
about meeting someone at sea.

I'm scared! Do you know
what this is all about?

Not yet,
but I intend to find out.

Let go of the girl.

So I was right,
my darling, after all.

You have betrayed me.

That will be your misfortune,

unless Mr. Ross would care to
spare you a great deal of pain

by revealing all he knows
of Operation Undertow.

Hmm?

No, of course not.

Death before dishonor
for the great Logan Ross.

The sharks will eat well today.

Keep a very close eye
on Mr. Ross.

Hey, Hannibal, check this out.

Looks like Jourdan's
got company.

Let me out of here! I want
to see Jourdan! I'll talk.

Oh, no.

Frankie? Frankie?
Are you all right?

Speak to me. Speak to me.

Prince James' route has been
verified this morning,

so your charts are accurate.

Then we have a bargain.

By 4:00 this afternoon,

Prince James will be
but a memory.

Monsieur Jourdan,
Ross has escaped!

He knocked
one of the caterers down!

That man is relentless.

That's our cue.

Prepare the launch!

Goodbye, Mr. Ross.

Now, there's an international warrant
out for Frobe, but he's still loose.

- So be careful, Dominique.
- Of course.

I don't know
how I'll ever thank you.

You wouldn't happen
to have a sister, would you?

I can't bear to think of you
in the arms of another woman.

- Must you go so soon?
- Well,

I'm afraid my government
wouldn't have it any other way.

Frobe, The Jaguar.
I didn't see that coming!

Always the quiet ones.

It's too bad it took us so long to find
out that Jourdan was really paralyzed.

We'll pick him up,

deliver him to Stockwell,
and then go home.

Go get him, B.A.

Frobe bought
the remote limo gag just fine.

Got him, Hannibal.

Frobe's in the office
behind the registration desk.

Let's go.

Wait, wait. You can't
come in here! What is...

Stop! You can't go in there!
Wait!

Did you take care of them,
Frobe?

Excellent job as usual.

Dominique? I really didn't
see that coming!

It's always the sexy ones.

Come on, we got to get
to the Prince before she does.

Attention, Boston Whaler.

Please stay calm.
We're pulling along the side.

Yes, miss. What seems
to be the trouble?

My engine failed.

And what with the sharks
in these waters,

thank goodness
my radio was operative.

Oh, you're lucky. The Prince's
yacht is the only vessel in the area.

The Prince? I saw the flag,
but I never realized.

Is the Prince really on board?

Taking his royal nap.

Take the young lady
to her cabin.

You may sail back with
us if you like, miss.

Thank you.

If you need anything, just call.

Merci. I will.

Sweet dreams, my Prince.

Don't take it too badly. The old
Prince-balloon trick never fails.

Sorry to spoil your fun,
my dear.

What were you going to do,
Dominique?

k*ll everybody on board?

That sounds kind of chancy.

I never take chances.

B.A.!

Captain, did she bring
any luggage on board?

- A small case.
- I'll get it.

- It's a b*mb.
- 10 seconds.

It's almost ready.

They're getting away!

They'll be back.

Someone throw over
lifelines at them.

I just received a signal
from Prince James.

Well, I hope
you gave him my regards.

Most definitely.

As a matter of fact, the Prince
requests that you gentlemen

stay aboard as his guests
for as long as you wish.

Tell him we accept.

The Prince also asked that
I deliver a special message

to your Mr. Murdock.
Where might he be?

This is wonderful champagne,
Logan.

This is Dom Perignon '71,
if I recall.

Are there any other surprises
I should know about?

Just one.

Won't your friends be
wondering where you are?

You might be right.