04x21 - My Son, the Father

[bunniefuu]

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Samantha, I think
I caught this cold

from Keith the other
night, you know?

We drove down
to Oak Park, right?

We parked the car.

And then he put
his arms around me.

And then he started to... Smoke!

Oh. Smoke!

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, boy.

Oh. Ah.

Hey, girl.

What's burning in here?

Ain't nothing burning.

Then I hope you get
your smoke signals

through to Geronimo.

Girl, it smells

like you're barbecuing
a boot in here.

Ma is shopping, and I'm cooking.

Look here, girl...

I'm gonna get you
a microwave oven,

so you can burn the
food in one-tenth the time.

[SIGHS]

I guess I was on the
phone a little too long.

I kind of burnt the beans, huh?

Burnt the beans?

Girl, when are you gonna learn

the color of the food

doesn't have to be the
same color as the eater?

Well, ain't nobody forcing you

to eat my food, now.

You know, that's
gonna work out just fine.

Just fine, Froggy.

'Cause me and Michael

will not be gracing the
dinner table this evening.

Why not?

Because I'm taking Michael

to the father-son
dinner at his school.

Michael didn't mention anything

about a father-son
dinner tonight.

Chello, Viola?

J.J. here.

Look here, I got to cancel
our date for this evening.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, see, what happened,

see, I ran into a guy
from Michael's school,

and they're having
a father-son dinner.

So, naturally, as
man of the house,

I will be taking him.

However, you are
fortunate in the case

that I will be doing
nothing tomorrow evening.

Am you available?

Lighten up, Mama.

Men don't even talk
that way to other men.

That was very
considerate of you, J.J.

Well, you know,
Michael's my only brother,

and you're my only sister,

which reminds me,
uh... you want tickets

to that KC and the
Sunshine Band concert?

Yeah, J.J...

Well, I am not without influence

in the world of popular music.

I just happen to have
a couple of tickets.

Aw, thanks, J.J.,

but Carl already got 'em for me.

Oh. Carl.

Well, I guess

you wouldn't want to
sit in the front anyway.

The music'd be too
loud for your ears.

You know, J.J.,

you can really be sweet
when you want to be.

J.J.: Brown sugar
don't only come

in the female size.

You know, J.J.,

I'm gonna tell you a secret.

I'm glad you're my brother.

You know, what can I say?

I love you.

I love you too, Thelma.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Excuse me, folks. I'm
in the wrong apartment.

Oh, Ma.

Hey, Ma, J.J.'s taking Michael

to the annual
father-son dinner tonight

at his school.

Michael didn't say anything
to me about a dinner.

I wonder why.

Well, Ma, with Daddy gone,

maybe he felt kind of touchy
about talking about that.

Well, I can understand that.

J.J., when did he
ask you to take him?

He didn't. It's
gonna be a surprise.

Oh, J.J., that was
very thoughtful of you.

Yeah, and look at
the sweater I got him.

Oh, that's beautiful.

Oh, cashmere.

Well, you know... J.J...

This must've cost you
a whole week's salary.

And a month's tips.

But I want Michael

to really look good tonight.

J.J., I hope you're not
gonna feel out of place

talking to all those older men.

Oh, no, Ma.

Voilà. Look at this.

Time. Fortune.

Newsweek.

Whatever the
conversation turns to,

I'll be there with the
latest information.

Look here, girl.

Ask me any
question here in Time.

Ask me business. Law. Medicine.

Did you know that
the famous bassoonist,

Kevin Kang,

d*ed today in Paris
at the age of 83?

Right there in Milestone.

Hey, J.J., now,
wait a minute now.

What if they ask you
a question like this?

Why are the students
in Spain rioting?

I'll just tell them

that the students
in Spain are upset

because the famous
bassoonist, Kevin Kang,

d*ed in Paris.

Everything is gonna
work out fine, Son.

Just be yourself.

All right, Ma,

but I really want Michael
to be proud of me,

'cause, see, when I was his age,

I had a father to take
me to these things.

Michael doesn't.

Well, we don't have
a father in this house,

but we sure as heck got a man.

I know.

See, in baseball,

I'd be known as the "D.D."

Designated Daddy.

And you wanted to go
to your cousin Ros' house

in South Bend?

Well, I made arrangements

to borrow the rib
truck that night.

I'm sorry, J.J., but
Carl's taking me.

Oh.

Carl's taking you.

You wouldn't want
to ride in that rib truck.

By the time you got down there,

your cousin, Ros,
would probably ask you,

"What's that weird perfume
that you're wearing?"

And you'd have to tell her,

"Essence de Hot Sauce."

Oh... Well, if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna slip into something

a little more mature.

Good.

Hi.

Here's your favorite quiz
person, Willona Woods,

asking you, can
you name this tune?

[HUMMING "A HOT TIME IN
THE OLD TOWN TONIGHT"]

[HUMMING]

I got it. I got it. I got it.

What, what, what, what, what?

"Hot Time in the
Old Town Tonight."

Bingo! Well, you got that right.

Now, for that perfectly
correct answer,

you win an evening
out with Carl Dixon.

What are you talking
about, Willona?

Honey, I ain't finished yet.

Close your eyes. Turn around.

To make the evening
a little more enjoyable,

look over here, honey.

Oh.

Sassy satin lounging pajamas.

Honey... these are L.P. L.P.s...

Long-playing lounging pajamas.

Girl, this outfit
was so dangerous,

they delivered it in
a brown paper bag.

Oh, Willona, this is bad.

Isn't it bad? Yeah.

Carl and I are just
friends, Willona.

Mm.

We're not even close

to the lounging pajama stage.

If you wear these, you will be.

Oh... Flo, honey,
you got to understand

that most men are
creatures of habit,

including some of the
creatures I go out with...

whose habits I don't
even want to discuss.

Now, science has discovered

a way to change
a man's behavior,

but it takes years, Flo.

Now, if you wear this
lounging pajamas right here,

you'll change Carl
Dixon's behavior overnight.

You know what I mean?

Wearing those pajamas

is just like waving a red cape

in front of a bull.

Olé, honey!

Hold on, girl. I'm
holding my briar.

Stand back before
I light your fire.

Ooh! Lord, have mercy.

Who is this tall, dark,

uh, very mature-looking man?

It looks like J.J.,
and it sounds like J.J.,

but that can't be J.J.,

because J.J. doesn't smoke.

Neither does this pipe.

First time I ever saw a
pipe cleaner holding a pipe.

J. J., you are a bona
fide fashion plate, honey.

If you was just 10
years older, whoo!

Lord, have mercy.

And if I was just
10 years younger.

I'd still be lying about my age.

Mm-hmm.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Did I tell you?

What?

J.J.'s taking Michael

to the school dinner tonight.

Oh, he's gonna love that.

Baby, that's very nice.

How do you like this
lounging pajama set?

Hey, Willona, that is fantastic.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, that's out of
sight and a definite delight.

That's the kind of thing
I like to see on a lady.

I'm trying to get your
mama to buy 'em.

My mama wear this
outlandish clown suit?

Hold on, J.J.

Now, you might be playing father

to your baby brother.

But you remember,

I'm older than you,
Michael and that pipe.

Ooh-hoo-hoo,
honey, I heard that.

In the meantime,

I'll just put this
on "Will hold."

'Cause that's exactly
what's gonna happen

if you wear these numbers.

Oh, go on.

Honey, them red flares
ain't gonna make it.

Hi, Gramps. Hi, Willona.

Bye, Gramps.

Bye, Willona.

That's what I like to see...

a deep, meaningful relationship.

Hey, Ma, I won't be
home for dinner tonight.

How did you know that, Michael?

I'm gonna be taking you
to the father-son dinner.

You're taking me?

Yeah.

Even got you a sweater.

Check it out.

Well, um... Go ahead,
try it on, Michael.

Hold on, J.J. [KNOCK ON DOOR]

Or you can wear a suit.

I like the sweater...
The suit like mine.

Carl, what a pleasant surprise.

Yeah, Michael
asked me to take him

to the father and
son dinner tonight,

and I told him it
would be my pleasure.

Uh, Carl... it was
very nice of you

to offer to take Michael
to the dinner tonight,

but J.J. has already planned
on taking Michael himself.

Oh, I'm sorry, J.J.

I didn't know
that. I... Yeah, J.J.

I didn't know you
wanted to take me, man.

Well, he did.

Michael, that's why he
bought you the new sweater,

and he even canceled out a date.

Look, J.J., I'm sorry there's
been a misunderstanding.

There's no problem.

You take Michael.

Take him where?

To the father-son dinner.

Oh.

Are they having one
of those things again?

J.J... stop the nonsense.

You know you planned
on taking Michael.

I didn't plan on
taking him anywhere.

J.J., that is not true.

Now, why did you get
all dressed up, huh?

This ain't dressed up.

I dress better than this

when I clean the grease
trap at the rib joint.

J.J., stop the foolishness

and take your
brother to the dinner.

I said, I'm not
taking him anywhere.

If he wants to go with
Carl, that's cool with me.

Look, J.J., Michael asked me

because he didn't know you
had planned on taking him.

Well, as of now, all
my plans have changed.

I'm not taking him anywhere.

Hey, hold on, J.J., man.

I think I have
something to say to this.

This does not concern you.

Hey, J.J., come on,

take your brother
and have a good time.

Hey, look, no
chance. You take him.

No, you take him.

I'm not taking him anywhere.

You take him.

I'm not coming
between two brothers.

You take him.

He's yours, signed,
sealed, and delivered.

Hey, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

I'm not a Frisbee,
y'all. Come on.

Michael is right.

Now, the way you two are acting,

you can just throw Michael

to the dinner. Yeah.

J.J., I'm not gonna
say this again:

You take your
brother to that dinner.

I'm not...

I'm not taking him
anywhere, and that is final.

J.J... either you
take your brother

to that father-son dinner,

or you and me are gonna have

a mother-son hassle.

Me and you ain't having nothing.

Hey, soldier,
you're out of line.

Hey, look, man,
that w*r jazz is over.

Don't lay that "soldier"
business on me.

J.J., you be civil.

Mr. Dixon is a
guest in this house.

He ain't no guest of mine.

You hold it.

That's your mother
you're talking to.

Hey, look here, man.

I don't need anybody that's
coming between me and my brother

to tell me who
my mother is. J.J.!

I don't need any of you.

[SHIVERING]

This has got to be

the coldest night in the year.

Yeah, it's colder out there
than an Eskimo's outhouse.

Kids?

Huh, looks like everybody's out.

You know, I ought to
sell a lot of snow shovels

in my shop tomorrow,

but first, I'm gonna
have to buy one

to find my shop.

Hey, Florida.

What?

Oh, I'm sorry, Carl.

I was thinking about J.J.

Oh, not now, Florida.

Let's have some
time for ourselves.

You're right.

How about something
to warm you up?

Yeah.

Like a hot cup of coffee?

Well, if that's all you got.

At ease.

And a nice piece
of sweet potato pie.

Well, now... that is something

that can help a man's appetite.

That feels awfully good.

I can't think of anyone else

I'd rather do this to.

[GIGGLES]

[CHUCKLES]

You are a tricky lady.

Uh, please sit down.

I'll get the pie.

You mind if I, uh, smoke?

Oh, not at all.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Whoops.

[RINGING]

All right, all right, all right.

Hello, J.J.?

Michael.

It's after 11:00. You
should be home.

I don't care if Lola does say
that her home is your home.

So you say good night

and get your little
narrow behind over here.

I remember when Michael

was just a small headache to me.

Now he's right
up there with J.J.

Yeah, kids can be a
problem sometimes.

That pie looks good.

Hmm. Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

Mmm, mm.

I'm glad you like it.

The only thing I like better

is the lady who baked it.

You like Sara Lee
better than you do me?

I sure enjoyed that
movie we saw tonight.

All that warm sunshine

in those beautiful islands.

Well, if you have
to live in the ghetto,

might as well live
in one in the Pacific.

You know,

I was stationed in
one of those islands,

and I can tell you something:

it was a whole lot more fun

doing time with
you in that balcony

than it was in doing
time over there.

Relax.

This is one island

you're not taking tonight.

Whew! You're right.

It is the coldest
night of the year.

I'm sorry, Carl.

You know, there's
nothing I'd like better

than having your
arms around me, but...

You're afraid the
kids are gonna walk in.

I'm worried about one
who isn't walking in...

J.J.

He still hasn't gotten over

that father-son dinner.

I am sorry I caused you
any problems, Florida.

Oh, it wasn't your fault.

Wasn't anybody's fault.

It's just that...

J.J. is trying to fill
his father's shoes

too fast.

Yeah, I know.

You know, for the
past two nights,

he hasn't been home at all.

And then this morning,

he called Thelma and told her

that he was thinking
about moving in

with some of his friends.

He says his family
doesn't need him anymore,

but that just isn't so.

I know how he feels.

I've been there myself.

Carl... Mm-hmm?

You're good at fixing things.

You know, like TV
sets and toasters.

How about fixing J.J.?

W-w-wait a minute, Florida.

Now, you don't fix J.J.

like you do a vacuum cleaner.

J.J.'s an original.

Where would I get the parts?

Hmm.

I just love a man
who smokes a cigar.

It's so sophisticated.

[COUGHS]

You know, being a man,

it'll be easier for
you to talk to J.J.,

you know, to reach him.

Well, you know,
after the other night,

I think I'm the last
man in the world

he wants to talk to.

Oh, please, Carl.

Come on, do it for me, huh?

Do what?

You know.

Talk to J.J.

Try to talk some
sense into him, huh?

You know what?

I already talked to J.J.

You already talked to him?

Yeah.

You know, it took me
two days to find him,

and it took me two days

to talk him into meeting me

at my gym tomorrow
for a man-to-man talk.

You let me go through all that,
and all the time, you knew, huh?

You're damn right.

And put out that rotten cigar.

It's making me sick.

And to think,

Willona tried to
talk me into buying

a pair of satin
lounging pajamas.

Satin... lounging pajamas?

You know what?

What?

I just bought 'em.

Bring it here, honey.

[LAUGHS]

Hey, Charlie.

I'm expecting a guest.

Let me know when he shows up.

Oh, sure thing, Mr. Dixon.

Hey, uh, Mr. Dixon.

Listen, uh, how
will I recognize him?

Well, he's sort of, uh...

Well, he's kind of, uh...

You see this guy?

Yeah.

He's the flip side of him.

Uh, pardon me.

Don't say it.

Let me guess.

You're looking for Carl Dixon.

How'd you know that?

How could I not know?

Hey, I'll go and
get him for you.

I'll be back in just a minute.

[LAUGHING]

Hi, J.J.

Thanks for coming down.

Hey, uh... Mr. Dixon.

What did you want
to talk to me about?

Look, just call me
Carl like you usually do.

Right.

Why don't you join me?

Come on, sit down.

Now, put your
feet in the stirrups.

That's quite a
space suit you got on.

There we go.

Getting the hang of it?

You know, J.J...

First off...

I want to take
the responsibility

for that mix-up
the other evening.

I should've checked
it out with you first.

Yeah, that would've been cool.

I wasn't trying to
move in on your turf.

It just happened that way.

You know, life is full
of hard-hit grounders

that take a bad hop.

Yeah...

and rowboats that
don't go anywhere.

And the other evening

was just another bad hop.

Let's try something else.

Yeah.

Ooh, boy.

Enough of this canoeing
down the Potomac.

You gonna try that?

It's here.

If the Russians can
do it, why can't I?

Push!

Somebody must've
tried to steal one of these.

They got this sucker
nailed to the floor.

Come on.

Hmm.

You know, I could
have muscles like that...

but I chose beauty instead.

You don't have to
look like those guys.

Some of those guys are doing it

just for their egos.

Yeah, well,

when you have
beauty like mine...

you don't need an ego.

Yeah, but you know,
J.J., in some ways,

you're stronger than they are.

Yours is an inner strength.

You're holding up
more than just a barbell.

You're holding
together an entire family.

Hey, Mr. Dixon,

is that what you called me here

to talk about?

Well, later, bro.

J.J., wait a minute.

Listen.

I haven't finished yet.

I admire you, J.J.

I mean it.

You mean... the
way I handle the ball?

I mean, uh... as a
person, I admire you.

[GRUNTS]

You do? Yeah.

You know, when I was your age,

I had a mother, three sisters.

Then I joined the army

to escape the
responsibility of a family.

Oh, I sent 'em
money out of guilt,

but you are hanging in there.
And that takes character.

What did you say?

You're hanging in there,
and that takes character.

Well, man, I could
have told you that.

You've got a fine family, J.J.

They need you.

They not only respect
you... they love you.

Oh, you're just saying that

'cause you think I'm mad
about the father-son dinner.

Aren't you?

Hey, man, I'm bigger than that.

Of course you are.

That's right.

You know, I got
a teenage brother,

a teenage sister,

a triple-teenage mother. Huh.

That family needs me, man.

I'm holding the
whole thing together.

You know, why
didn't I think of that?

Yeah.

You know, not only am I
number one in that family,

I'm number... uno!

You know, Carl,
out of all the dudes

my mother could
have went out with...

I'm glad that she
went out with you...

'cause you make sense.

You know, J.J...
I am really glad...

that you feel okay
about all of this.

Okay?

Man, I feel higher

than the price of
a cup of coffee.

You know, Carl, I know a place

where we can get the best
sweet potato pie in town.

At your mother's?

Right.

Let's go get changed, huh?

Hey, bro, keep it up.

Petty soon, you'll have
half the muscles I do.

♪ Mm-mm-mm ♪

♪ Just lookin' Out
of the window ♪

♪ Watching the asphalt grow ♪

♪ Thinkin' how It all
looks hand-me-down ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head Above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪

♪ Good times ♪

ANNOUNCER: Good Times is
videotaped in front of a studio audience.

♪ Good times ♪♪