06x21 - Things That Go Creep in the Night

[bunniefuu]

(CRYING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(CAR HONKING HORN)

- That's just up ahead, let's take it.
- (SIRENS WAILING)

Looks like a page
from a comic book.

Oh, Dr. Olssen, the girl
we brought in, how is she?

DR. OLSSEN:
Well, we're not sure.

Well, she's conscious, but she
can't seem to remember anything.

Amnesia?

(PLAYING PIANO)

- (ANNA SCREAMS)
- That's Anna.

(ANNA CONTINUES SCREAMING)

(ARCADE MACHINES BEEPING)

Don't move.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(CAR HONKING HORN)

(SIRENS WAILING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

BRUCE: What a day, Ponch.
Why aren't we at the beach?

PONCH: That's where
we're headed, partner.

We lucked out and drew
Malibu for the rest of the week.

BRUCE: All right. Sand,
surf and beautiful girls.

PONCH: Just
remember, we're working.

BRUCE: Spoilsport.

Hey, you still haven't told me
about your date last night with Sheila.

Don't ask. It was
a real horror show.

What happened? You
bring out the beast in her?

I brought out the hives.

She's allergic to my aftershave.

(POLICE RADIO BEEPING)

DISPATCHER: Any unit in the
vicinity, a woman screaming for help

on Pacific Coast Highway
near Seagull Cove.

- That's just up ahead, let's take it.
- (SIRENS WAILING)

(WOMAN CRYING)

(CONTINUES CRYING)

- (CAR HONKING HORN)
- (TIRES SCREECHING)

(SIRENS WAILING)

BRUCE: LA-MARY-6
and 8, we have...

Look out for the hot tar.

(GROANING)

WOMAN: It's after me.

No, no, it's after me.

It's all right, take it easy.
It's gonna be all right.

- Paramedics en route. Who is she?
- (SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE)

No idea.

No purse or anything.

Just this.

Looks like a page
from a comic book.

BRUCE: It's the
Sea-Thing, Ponch.

The hottest comic
book hero around.

Kathy, follow her to
the hospital, would you?

- You got it.
- Bobby, check out the houses

on the beach near this accident.

She either drove here
or lives around here.

I'm on it.

Don't tell me.
Start the reports.

You said it.

PONCH: Tell me again
about the Sea-Thing.

Ponch, don't you know the story?

In an isolated cove near
this huge chemical factory,

this meteorite crashed
into the waves...

And that's how this
character was created?

No, no. When the meteorite hit,

Dr. Lawrence Castle, a
renowned marine biologist,

was conducting his world-famous
underwater kelp experiments.

So the doctor was k*lled?

No, surrounded by a
strange ball of cosmic dust,

Dr. Castle was transformed
into half-kelp-half-man,

the Sea-Thing.

Whatever happened
to Tom and Jerry?

- I don't know. Maybe Sea-Thing ate them.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)

Oh, Dr. Olssen, the girl
we brought in, how is she?

Oh, Officer Poncherello,
well, physically she's fine.

Just a minor concussion from
being thrown to the ground.

- And mentally?
- DR. OLSSEN: Well, we're not sure.

Well, she's conscious, but she
can't seem to remember anything.

- Amnesia?
- DR. OLSSEN: That's a possibility.

Probably brought
on by the accident.

- Is it permanent?
- DR. OLSSEN: In most cases, not.

The memory usually comes
back, though slowly and in pieces.

- Can we see her now?
- Oh yes, of course, just go right in.

Thank you.

- Hi, Kathy.
- Hi.

Honey, these are the
officers that saved your life.

Thank you.

Kathy told me, but I just
can't remember anything.

You really scared us. We
were worried about you.

I'm sorry.

How are you feeling
now? Are you comfortable?

Yes.

But it's so confusing.

I can't even remember who I
am, let alone where I've been.

When I grabbed you,
you said, "He's after me."

Do you remember that?

No.

You had this in your
hand when we found you.

(GASPS AND WHIMPERS)

What's wrong? Are you all right?

I don't know.

(SOBBING)

Ponch, unless I missed
something at the academy,

all we have here is a
simple traffic accident.

Yeah, with a lot of
unanswered questions.

Like why did she
run into the highway?

Was anyone chasing her? And how
come she is so afraid of this comic book?

Frank, no matter how you cut
it, all you got is a traffic accident,

and I've got a mounting
enforcement problem on the freeways.

Sarge, I've got a hunch about this
one. All I'm asking for is a little time.

Ponch, I ran her description through
missing persons, and there's no report.

What is this, a task force?

Where's Nelson? I'm
surprised he isn't in on this.

As a matter of fact, he is.

He's out trying to locate
someone who knows the girl.

All right, Frank, on hunches,
you hit about seven out of 10.

Let's just hope
this one's a hit.

What's that?

Sarge, this baby's going
to help me drop 25 pounds

and add five new girlfriends.

What's in there,
a plastic surgeon?

(BOTH LAUGH)

Very funny.

(ALL CHUCKLING)

NELSON: We're trying to get
some information on a young lady.

Oh, she's about 18. Sandy
blond hair and hazel eyes.

Are they as pretty
as yours, Officer?

- (LAUGHS) Have you seen her?
- Not me.

Maybe you should
try down by the colony.

Ma'am, I've been walking up
and down every block in Malibu.

Sounds like you could use
a nice hot Jacuzzi, Officer.

Thank you.

Uh...

But I think I'd better
keep on checking.

(MAN HUMMING)

(ENGINE STARTING)

- Hey.
- (TIRES SCREECHING)

(SIREN WAILING)

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

LA-15-MARY-7 in pursuit of a
black and yellow four-door sedan,

heading north on PCH
approaching Las Virgenes Road.

(SIRENS WAILING)

Oh, boy.

Oh, give me a break, please.

(CAR HONKING HORN)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Oh, man.

Well, well, look what we
got here. Wilson Carter.

- You know this guy?
- We go way back.

But auto theft, Wilson,
that's not your style.

Ponch, look at that junker.

- No radio, hubcaps, spare tire...
- Oh, don't tell me.

You want to keep
Malibu clean, right?

Yeah, exactly.

What have we
here? A ladies wallet?

Getting ready to
play Tootsie, Wilson?

Hey, how did that get in there?

Look at this, Ponch.

"Anna Cortland."

- So that's the name of our mystery girl.
- Anything else in there?

PONCH: Just this key.

I wonder what it unlocks.

Hey, don't ask me, I
never saw it before!

Where did you pick him up?

Well, it started here.

- The car was parked near this house.
- Stanley Woods.

BRUCE: "Stanley Woods"?

He's the creator
of the Sea-Thing.

PONCH: I'm still
confused, Bruce.

Is the Sea-Thing supposed
to be a good guy or a bad guy?

BRUCE: Well, most
people think he's a bad guy

'cause sometimes he
has to do bad things.

But, they're not really bad
things, they only look bad.

And so he really is a good guy,
but wants people to think he's bad.

PONCH: I'm sorry I asked.

(DOOR BELL RINGING)

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Good afternoon.

Mr. Woods? We're Officers
Nelson and Poncherello.

Well, how nice to
meet officers of the law,

guardians of the trust.

It's a pleasure to
meet you, Mr. Woods.

No, no.

The pleasure is all
mine, I assure you.

(WOODS LAUGHING)

I'm sorry, gentlemen.

Just a little holograph
illusion I've been working on

and I couldn't resist it.

Please, come in, come in.

Yes, gentlemen. I
am Stanley Woods.

Ventriloquist, author,
artist, gourmet, magician

and musician.

(PIANO PLAYING)

Mr. Woods, we're here because
of a girl named Anna Cortland.

Do you recognize her, Mr. Woods?

No, should I?

Well, we were hoping you would.

The girl has amnesia. We
believe she was in the area.

Poor dear thing.

Sorry. I don't know her.

- (MUSIC CONTINUES)
- Keep practicing, you're getting better.

Then are you familiar with this?

Yes, it looks like one of my
original Sea-Thing drawings.

Of course I'd have to study it, so many
people are trying to imitate me today.

- Right, Herbie?
- Right, boss.

Who's the twosome?

Are you trying to trade me in
on a couple of new dummies?

Herbie, mind your manners.

I'm sorry, he's been upset

ever since he found out his father
was a telephone pole. (LAUGHS)

Mr. Woods, we found
that page on the girl.

Well, I'm sorry,
I can't help you.

Don't let these blockheads
take up all your time, boss.

You've got that
appointment this afternoon.

WOODS: Herbie. (SIGHS)

I'm sorry, gentlemen, but, uh...

He's the best secretary
I've been able to find.

Well, thank you for coming
and feel free to stop by any time.

Well, if you do
remember anything,

please call us.

Oh, I will, gentlemen. And
as I said, thank you for coming.

- The drawing, please.
- The what?

- The drawing.
- Oh, yes, I forgot.

Thank you, Mr. Woods.

Boy, I heard Woods was a
character, but that was something else.

- Yeah, serious Looney Tunes.
- What an act.

"An act" is right. Then
why were we the audience?

It doesn't make sense.

KATHY: "Anna Cortland."

Does that mean anything to you?

It's a pretty name.
Are you sure it's mine?

It was on your driver's license.
You're from Portland, Oregon.

I'm sorry, I got nothing.

We checked with
the Portland police.

We found that there's no family, and
even the address is no longer correct.

Why can't I remember anything?

Don't worry, it will
come to you in time.

Thank you, Officer Linahan,
for letting her stay at your place.

Well, I've got plenty of room.
Besides, where else would she go?

Oh, I feel so helpless.

You both have
been so kind to me.

Anna, are you all right?

Ah, the sea.

I saw the sea.

What about it?

(SIGHS)

It's gone now.

It's gone.

- Don't be discouraged. It'll take time.
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

There's your elevator.

- Thank you, Doctor.
- You're welcome.

I'll talk to you later.

WOMAN: (ON PA)
Orderly needed in pediatrics.

Orderly needed in
pediatrics, please.

(GASPS)

- Uh, Dr. Olssen?
- Yes.

Yes. Excuse me. I
didn't mean to startle you.

I'm Dr. R. J. Lansdale
from the Hastings Institute.

Dr. Lansdale. Oh, I'm
one of your great admirers.

I've read all your papers
on amnesia trauma.

Oh. Which is
exactly why I'm here.

You have an
interesting case, Doctor.

A young girl with a
complete memory loss,

yet responds to the
character from a comic book.

Yes, Anna Cortland.

Oh! But I'm afraid
she's just been released.

Oh. I'm so disappointed,

unless her memory has returned.

No, not yet.

Oh, uh... Poor thing.

But I'm very optimistic.

Yes. Well, what is science
without optimism? (CHUCKLES)

In the meantime, uh,

where can I reach her?

- Ponch.
- Hey.

- Look, it's the human Hefty bag.
- (ALL CHUCKLING)

Okay, you guys can laugh now,

but this sauna suit is
going to change my life.

- I already lost one pound.
- You want us to help you look for it?

Grossie, what about the key?

It's fascinating.

You know, every
key tells a story.

- Grossie...
- For instance, this notch here

indicates a bus locker in town.

And this notch means it's from
a locker in the Hollywood District.

- Really?
- And this indicates

it's from the bus depot at the
corner of Hollywood and Vermont.

You mean, you can
tell all that from a key?

That and I also just got off the
phone with the locker company.

Bobby, would you check
out the locker for us?

No sweat.

Come on, Bruce, let's go
check out that comic book.

- Anna.
- Hi, guys.

- How you doing?
- Uh, still trying to fill in the blanks.

Report room, Grossman speaking.

Yeah, we'll drop by
when we get off, okay?

- See you then.
- All right.

- Bye.
- Bye, bye.

Anna.

It's for you.

Hello?

(IN DR. OLSSEN'S VOICE)
Sorry to bother you, dear,

but there's some medication
we forgot to give you.

ANNA: Medication?

Yes.

Just send me Officer Linahan's
address and I'll send it over.

Okay, just a minute.
Kathy, what's your address?

- Who's calling?
- It's okay, Dr. Olssen, medical delivery.

Hello, this is Officer Linahan.

Hello, Officer, forgive me
for intruding on your busy day,

but I need to send
Anna some medicine.

KATHY: Okay. No problem, Doctor.

My address is 153-and-a
half, Malibu Beach Road.

It's the guesthouse in the rear.

- Thank you.
- Bye, bye.

(IN NORMAL VOICE) Nice lady.

We must pay her
a visit sometime.

Yes.

We must.

(PINBALL MACHINE DINGING)

(GRUNTS)

(PONCH CHUCKLES)

Ponch, I didn't think
you read comics books.

I don't come here
to read comic books.

Elvira!

Hi.

Well, it's about time, Ponch.

We could use some
new blood. (CHUCKLES)

- This is my new partner, Bruce Nelson.
- Hello.

Oh, say, you're cute.

Thank you. You're different.

(GASPS) I like him, Ponch.

(CHUCKLES) We
need your expert help.

What can you tell
me about this comic?

Wow! This is the
Sea-Thing galley proof.

Hold on, something looks weird.

Anything wrong?

I'll say.

This is the original Stanley
Woods Sea-Thing number one.

See his insignia in the corner?

Now, take a look
at your galley proof.

What's a galley proof?

It's the last step before
the actual printing.

PONCH: It looks different.

So ours isn't the original.

- Why didn't Woods notice that?
- PONCH: Maybe he did.

ELVIRA: Hold on, darlings.
If this is what I think it is,

it could be authentic
and very valuable.

Valuable enough to k*ll for?

I'd k*ll for it, handsome.

But let me call my experts.
I'll find out more and call you.

Don't move.

There you are, Boris, darling.

Where have you been?

I've been looking
for you all morning.

You must be starving. (KISSES)

Uh, thanks, Elvira.

(CHUCKLES) Anytime, darlings.

Unpleasant dreams.

Getraer.

Oh. Hello, honey.

Yeah, I'm leaving right now.

(CHUCKLES) No, I
didn't forget the milk.

It's in the refrigerator
in the coffee room.

All right, lettuce,

bread, tomatoes, glue.

"Glue"?

Oh. All right, I'll
see you soon.

Right.

Whew.

Cold.

Grossman?

- What are you doing?
- Waiting.

Fifteen more minutes, and I
can have another glass of milk.

I don't get it.

While the rest of us are
freezing, you're sweating.

Oh, it's the suit, Sarge.

I had to turn the
air conditioning on.

I was getting too hot.

Did it ever occur to you that
while you're losing weight,

the rest of the officers in this station
are coming down with pneumonia?

We all have to make
sacrifices, Sarge.

That's it, that's it.

Get that walking sauna
bath out of my station, now.

Actually, I was just leaving.

And turn off the air
conditioning, will you?

Geez.

Grossman.

(ANNA LAUGHS)

(WAVES ROLLING)

I get the strangest feeling
I've been here before.

Have you ever lived by the sea?

Right now, you know
more about me than I do.

You said I lived with my aunt?

Yes, before she d*ed.

And my mother and
father? What about them?

Your father has been
dead for quite some time.

And your mother
passed away this year,

here in Los Angeles.

How did it happen?

She drowned.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Anna.

That's my phone.

Oh. Listen, go ahead, I'm okay.

I'll be right back.

(RINGING CONTINUES)

- Hello.
- (PONCH'S VOICE ON RECORDING) Hi, Kathy.

Listen, I'm glad I
caught you, it's Ponch.

Ponch, where are you?
This is a bad connection.

(DOOR BELL RINGS)

Kathy, hold on a minute,
someone's at the door.

- Ponch, Anna's on the beach...
- Hold on a minute.

(SIGHS)

Kathy, Anna?

- Hi, Kathy.
- Ponch.

- What's the matter?
- Something's not right here.

What are you talking about?

- (ANNA SCREAMS)
- That's Anna.

(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

There she is!

Who was that, Ponch?

I know it wasn't Sea-Thing.

I don't know.

But whatever it was,
it had a small air t*nk,

and it wanted Anna.

Sarge, I checked with Dr. Olssen.
She didn't call here for Kathy's address.

Then I got this strange
call supposedly from Ponch.

Sarge, whoever's after
Anna made those calls.

We've got to stop him.

Is that enough evidence for you?

It's better than having to convince
the Captain about Sea-Things.

It's Anna's. I found
it in the bus locker.

Anna, have you seen it before?

There's something
about it, but...

I don't know.

Go ahead, Anna,
take a look inside.

Pictures of the
Sea-Thing, stories.

"To my little pumpkin.

"Love, Mom."

"My little Pumpkin."

My mother is alive.

- Anna...
- She is.

You have to believe
me. I saw her.

- Where?
- I don't know,

but she's alive.
Please, believe me.

We do. We do, Anna.

Sarge, it's easy to check out.

Are you talking about an
exhumation, Officer Nelson?

She is buried in LA.

Let's do it. At least
then I'd know for sure.

Okay, I'll try to get the judge
to okay an exhumation order.

What was her mother's name?

Katherine Penelope Cortland.

Ponch.

Elvira called. Said she
needs to see you right away.

She said it's important.

Okay, let's roll, partner.

Ponch, thanks for believing me.

The deeper we
get into this thing,

the more Stanley Woods'
name keeps coming up.

Ponch, it's just so hard to believe.
He's such a successful man.

Why would he be
involved with this?

You know, you remind me
of me when I was a rookie.

What's that? Bright
and handsome?

Close. Young and green. (LAUGHS)

BRUCE: What do you
think Elvira wants, Ponch?

PONCH: I hear she got
in a new batch of spiders.

BRUCE: Thanks a lot.

Elvira, we got your
message. You called.

I've got some good
news for you, handsome.

We could use some.

Your page is the
signed original.

A very heavy collector's piece.

I thought Stanley Woods
was the creator of Sea-Thing.

ELVIRA: So does everyone else.

And that's what's bizarre-o.

Your drawing was made
by an underground artist.

A very mysterious woman.

She disappeared last year.

- What's her name?
- She was known only as Penelope.

"Penelope"?

Anna's mother's middle name.
I think we're on to something.

Thanks, Elvira.

Are you sure you wouldn't
rather wait out here?

No, I have to see
it for myself, Ponch.

It's a beautiful
casket, isn't it?

Hand-carved mahogany
with solid brass fittings.

I've often thought
what a pity it is,

such artistry should be
buried under the ground.

I'm Mr. Mizell, the
assistant coroner.

I'm Officer Poncherello. We're
here for the Cortland exhumation.

So am I. Shall we?

Give me a hand, sonny.

Is this your first exhumation?

Definitely.

This guy can definitely
be in a horror film.

Yeah, and he doesn't
even need any makeup.

(AIR HISSING)

An airtight lid.

What quality.

That's my mother.

- (SOBS)
- She's beautiful.

(SCREAMS AND CRIES)

BRUCE: What happened?
PONCH: It's a fake.

Calm down, folks.

It's just painted porcelain.

Exposure to the air
must've cracked it.

Then it's true.

My mother's alive.

She is alive.

And we're going to find her.

- PONCH: Any luck?
- Nothing. We looked everywhere.

You guys?

You didn't need that
warrant, gentlemen.

My house is always
open to the CHP.

Thank you, Mr. Woods.

We just wanted to make sure
the welcome mat was still out.

WOODS: Boys.

I'm sorry you had to come
all the way up here and...

Well, I hate to
burst your balloon.

Hey, that's my watch.

Nice trick.

The problem comes when
you can't tell illusion from reality.

(LAUGHING)

Why do I get the feeling
that we missed something?

What else could we have done?

You know we searched
the house from top to bottom.

Yeah, but a good magician

always makes you look
where he wants you to.

Come on, Bruce, I got
a hunch to check out.

Hey, stay out of my salad.

Here. Try this.

- How is it?
- Mmm.

- That is fabulous.
- Oh, good.

It's my secret recipe.

- (TELEPHONE RINGING)
- Would you mind getting that?

- Oh, sure.
- Thanks.

Hello?

KATHERINE: (ON PHONE)
Anna, my little pumpkin.

Yes?

Pumpkin, listen to me and
don't say a word, just listen.

This is your mother
and I need your help.

Head up Malibu Beach Road until
you reach the end of the houses.

I'll be waiting in a
two-door silver sedan.

I'll explain everything
when I see you.

Please, hurry. And you
must come alone, Pumpkin.

I can only see you.

Hurry.

(CALL DISCONNECTS)

Who was that?

Oh! Um, one of those
encyclopedia salesmen.

And I thought they
only came to the door.

Um, do you mind if I take
a shower before dinner?

- No. Be my guest. Everything's in there.
- Okay.

(SHOWER RUNNING)

Mom.

(LAUGHS) I knew you were alive.

(SCREAMS)

(CHUCKLES)

(SOBBING)

- Anna.
- (SHOWER RUNNING)

Anna. Dinner's ready.

Anna?

Thanks.

I've got to hand it to you, Ponch,
I never would've thought of that.

I just felt that there was more
to that house than met the eye.

- Excuse me, Officer Poncherello?
- Yes.

It's for you, a
Sergeant Getraer.

Thank you.

- What's up, Sarge?
- Kathy just called.

Anna Cortland is missing.

We're on it, Sarge. Just have
Bobby meet us at Woods' house.

You got it.

It's time for Woods'
final performance.

What have you done to my mother?

Ah, you poor child.

It's really too bad you
saw us together that day.

(EXCLAIMING)

Oh! Pumpkin, my sweet
little pumpkin. (SOBS)

I knew you were alive.

- (DOOR BELL TOLLS)
- Momma.

Gentlemen!

What a totally unexpected
and pleasant surprise.

Where's Anna Cortland?

Oh, she's not here.

But as I told you before, you're
free to search my premises any time.

- You know what this is, Mr. Woods?
- I have no idea.

The original blueprint
of your house.

We got it from the city
building commission.

- Oh, how very interesting.
- Now, unless this is wrong,

there should be a room right
behind that bookcase there.

We don't think it's the library.

So, why don't you make it
easy on yourself, Mr. Woods.

Where's Anna?

Gentlemen, I want to tell you
a story about the woman I love.

Her name is Katherine Cortland,

but the art world
knows her as Penelope.

Well, one day, her daughter
Anna comes to the door.

I didn't want to let her
in, you understand, but...

I'm not a violent man by nature
and I couldn't keep her out.

I was shocked when Anna showed
me the original Sea-Thing drawing.

I didn't think there was
any proof in existence

that showed that her
mother was the real creator.

Anna should've just gone away. I
mean, she never should have come back.

But how could I keep Anna from telling
everybody that I locked up her mother

and kept all the glory
and credit for myself?

But you have to understand
one thing, gentlemen.

Even if I would've caught up with
her, I wouldn't have harmed her.

I told you, I'm
not a violent man.

Bruce, Bobby, tear
that bookcase apart.

Mr. Woods, you're under arrest.

Well, I suppose you want me
to put my hands on my head.

Isn't that the way
they do it on television?

- (WOODS LAUGHING)
- (ENGINE STARTING)

That's Woods' car!

(SIRENS WAILING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(SCREAMS)

(HORN HONKING)

- (HORN HONKING)
- (ANNA CRYING)

I got them! I got them! (LAUGHS)

LA-15-MARY-6 and 7, we have a truck
with a spill blocking Fairway and Ocean.

How'd they do that?

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(LAUGHS) Try and
catch us now, huh?

They're still coming.
They're still coming!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(GRUNTING)

All right.

Get up!

- Put your hands on your head.
- (PANTING)

No tricks, Mr. Woods.

These braces are for real.

(ALL LAUGHING)

What's a reunion
without a reunion party?

- I don't know how to thank you.
- But thank you so very much.

Seeing the two of
you together says it all.

Hey, Sarge, I bet you can
hardly tell I have it on at all, huh?

Grossman, you can't
go on duty like that.

Sarge, wait a minute.

- There's a valuable use for Grossie.
- Huh? What's that?

He can be a model for
a new comic book hero!

Yeah, which one?

ALL: Blimp Man! (LAUGHING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)