06x07 - Walking On Air

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

(no voice)

♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪

♪ And I bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪

♪ Oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪

♪ On the night we kissed ♪

♪ And I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪

♪ And there ain't no nothing we
can't love each other through ♪

♪ What would we do, baby,
without us? ♪

♪ Sha-la-la-la. ♪

- I got it! - Quick, open it up
before Mom gets in here!

Hey, hey, what's going on?

Jennifer opened the cereal.

I couldn't stop her.

Now, look, there's a perfectly
good box of cereal in there.

Why do you have
to open a new one?

To find the clue.

What clue?

The clue to the "Find
the Colonel Crackle" contest.

I don't care about that;
this is food.

You just don't waste it.

What contest?

Mom, Colonel Crackle is lost
somewhere in Ohio,

and in every box,
there's a different clue

to his whereabouts.

If you find him,

you call the Crackle Hotline
and win $ , .

Let me see that.

ELYSE: So, the clue
is somewhere inside the box?

(several talking at once)

Hey, hey, Mom! Mom! Mom!

Don't you think
you're a little old

to be fighting over a prize
in a cereal box?

See, Colonel Crackle cereal's
having a contest.

It's kind of fun.

Mom, remember
who you're talking to.

I'm years old.
I'm a senior in college.

I couldn't care less
about some cereal contest.

You can win $ , .

(excited chatter)

ELYSE:
Stop!

Now, how about this
for a solution?

We can all help find
Colonel Crackle,

and then when we do find him,
we will share the prize.

What, you mean we got
to split it four ways?

Look, pal, we only had to
split it three ways

till you came through the door.

All right, all right, okay,
we'll split it four ways,

but that's it, all right?

- We don't tell anybody else
about this. - ELYSE: No.

Hey, what's going on?

Oh, nothing, Mal,
nothing at all,

nothing at all.

Hey, what's new
in the world of knitwear?

- Hey.
- Hey, Dad, have you heard

that Colonel Crackle is missing?

And I never really got
a chance to say good-bye.

ALEX:
Hey, Dad, have you no respect

for Colonel Crackle lore?

A colonel that meets %/ of
the minimum daily requirements

of vitamins A through E?

A colonel that remains crunchy
even in milk?

Exciting as that may be,
I have some news

from the non-cereal world
that may interest you.

There's a job opening up
at the station.

Oh, Dad.
I'm so happy.

You're leaving
public television!

Oh, it is a wise, wise decision.

Alex, it's not
my job that's open.

(Alex sighs)

Why do you tease me like that?

It's an intern position.

An opportunity
for the right young person

to work at the station
and really learn the ropes.

That sounds great, Steven.

Do you have anyone in mind
for the job?

Well, as a matter of fact,
I do: Mallory.

What?!

What did... what did I do?

Well, I think it's a great idea.

Alex worked at the station.
He loved it.

Didn't you?

Absolutely.

The finest experience
I've ever had.

- I highly recommend it.
- See?

All right. (sighs)

We know Crackle is out there.

We know he's somewhere
in the downtown Cleveland area.

The question is where. Damn!

All right, Jen, read that...
read that last clue again.

"At : p.m. Last Saturday,
Colonel Crackle was seen

"at a Cleveland cafe
with his cereal sister,

"Molly Oats and Fiber.

"Molly ate four containers
of strawberry yogurt

"and handed
Colonel Crackle a key.

He fled."

This tells us nothing.

No, Jen.

No, no, this tells us a lot.

This tells us that
Crackle has a sister...

and that she's health-conscious.

Is Colonel Crackle
a real person?

Well, uh, not exactly, Andy.

Then how are we supposed
to find him if he doesn't exist?

Let's not get philosophical
here, all right?

- Dad's not in here, is he?
- No, he's upstairs.

- I can go and get him for you.
- No. No. No.

If I see him, he's gonna try and
bring up that PBS thing again.

He won't take no for an answer.

He's been going at it for hours.

I haven't even had a chance
to eat. I'm starving.

STEVEN: Elyse, this is
a chance Mallory shouldn't miss.

Every time an opportunity
like this comes up, she qui...

Oh, come on, you guys
are really making a mess

with this Crackle business.

Come on, guys, let's go upstairs
and check out the Crackle map.

It's in my room.

All right, let's call Skippy.

We'll find out how he's doing
with Crackle's dental records

and his hair analysis.

Elyse, I really think
Mallory could benefit

by working down
at the station with me.

I don't know, Steven.

I was surprised
you even offered her the job.

I would think it's the last
place she'd want to work.

Elyse, I'm not blind.

I realize there could be
some problems

with having Mallory
work at the station,

but I think it's worth the risk.

Uh, where's the mayonnaise?

It's in there.

Now, I realize
this job doesn't fall

into what we'd
normally call her area,

but how do we really know
what her area is?

She's at an age
where she could go

in a lot of different
directions.

Uh, I just think this could be
an opportunity to grow.

Where is the mayonnaise?

ELYSE: Well, I think
we have to look at it

from her point of view.

You know, we've had
this discussion before.

Fashion is what she loves.

She may be unsure now,

but I think she'll learn
a lot from this experience.

Maybe-maybe I'm wrong,
but I think I have

a very good sense
of where Mallory is at.

What I don't know
is where the mayonnaise is.

Oh, I'll get another one.



Mom, look.
We both have mayonnaise.

Dad, where's your jar?

Mallory, where
did you come from?

I came from outside.

Somebody must have left this
in the driveway.

Well, there it is. Enjoy it.
I'll be in my room.

Wait a minute. We never
finished our conversation.

Really? I thought we had.

Uh, I'll leave you two alone.

So, um... Mal, have you
given any more thought

to, uh, working at the station?

I have, Dad.

And?

I just don't know, Dad.

I don't want
to pressure you at all.

Whatever you decide
will be fine with me.

I-I just don't know, Dad.

I'll tell you what.

Why don't you come down
to the station

for a day, just give it a try?

I don't know, Dad.

It's a wonderful
opportunity, Mal.

This thing could open up
a whole new world for you.

I don't know, Dad.

And I'd be so proud
to have you there with me.

I just think you'd be
terrific at this.

I don't know, Dad.

Great!

Oh, Mal, this is
going to be fabulous!

I don't know, Dad.

Well, madam, according
to our records,

you pledged $
during the last pledge drive,

and we haven't received it yet.

Well, could you tell us
when it might be coming?

Well, then you're not
gonna get your tote bag.

Don't worry about it, Mallory.

I mean, over the years,
we've found that, uh,

% of our so-called patrons...

just plain liars.

And we're running out
of tote bags anyhow.

So, how's it going?

I don't know, Gus.
I mean, to tell you the truth,

part of me
is really bored being here

and part of me thinks
it's a mistake and...

and part of me is determined to
do the best job I can do and...

well, part of me
just wants to go shopping.

Now, there's a beautiful sight.

My oldest daughter
with her shoes on my lunch.

Sorry, Dad.

No, no. I don't mind a bit.

It's great to walk
into my office

and see your smiling face.

Oh, well, what about
my smiling face, Steve?

Don't you start competing
with Mallory, now, Gus.

You're beautiful
in your own way.

Aw...

Keep up the good work,
now, Mallory.

"Good work"?
I like the sound of that.

- You know, he doesn't say that
to everybody. - Good work, Steve.

Thank...

(chuckles)
So, how's it going?

Are you enjoying yourself?

Is it everything
you hoped it would be?

Well, I got to talk
on the phone a little.

I like that.

You know, Mal,
my two greatest loves

are my family...
and my work here at the station.

Having you here brings
those two worlds together.

I couldn't be happier.

I'm glad.

Hey, come here.

I got a surprise for you.

Something that
will make you happy

and very excited.

I don't have
to work here anymore?

(laughing):
Come on! Oh, Mal!

Look, look, I know you're not
completely sold on this yet,

but I also know that when
you're faced with a challenge,

you accept it, you can do it.

- You rise to the occasion!
- (laughs)

Not always.

Most of the time.

Not now.

I've come up with
a special assignment for you.

I think you're
really gonna like it.

Is it about fashion?
Because I can do a great job

- if it's about fashion.
- Oh, no, no,

you already know
everything about fashion.

I think it's time for you to,
uh, branch out

and really try
something different.

- Beauty tips?
- No.

You're going to work with me.

- (high-pitched): Wha?
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I want you to write
some copy for a short segment

of Ohio in Review.

It's a show about
what's going on in Ohio

from, uh, political news
to human interest stories.

I'm flattered, Dad, but
I've never even seen the show.

What are you talking about?
We watch it all the time.

It's on Sundays at :

after Animals, Animals,
Everywhere Animals.

Oh, Ohio in Review.

I love that show.

We're going to work
on it together!

You behind the scenes,
me on camera.

Keatons, Keatons,
Everywhere Keatons.

(Steven laughing)

All right, now...

these dots trace
the colonel's path...

since he was discovered missing.

Can we end this soon, Alex?
I have a life to lead.

This is a little more important
than you might think.

Now, the colonel
is out here somewhere...

in the middle of nowhere,

and he's cold and he is hungry.

How can he be hungry?

He's made of cereal.

Now, we know he is definitely
in the Columbus area.

Uh, Mom, Mom, you... you able
to help us out on this?

Look, I have more important
things to do, if you don't mind.

I'd like to work in peace.

Sorry, sorry.
All right, Jen...

read me the next clue.

"On the corner
with the tree that cries,

"the sweetest birthday
wins the prize.

Sincerely, the Colonel."

A tree that cries. Hmm.

When would a tree cry?

If he saw E.T.

A tree that cries.
A tree that cries.

Weeping willow.

Jen, quick! Look up
weeping willow on the map.

I found it, Alex.
There's a Willow Street.

You're a genius, Mom.

All right, all right,
I gave you a clue.

Do me a favor...
take this in the other room.

Oh, come on, Mom.
Don't bail out on us now.

Forget about this architecture
stuff, okay?

You got a chance
to win five grand here.

Alex.

Mom. Okay, now,
the next part of the clue is,

"Sweetest birthday
wins the prize."

Sweetest birthday
wins the prize.

Alex, please, will you?

Come on.
Sweetest birthday, Mom.

- Come on. Come on, Ma, Mommy!
- I...

Come on, sweetest birthday, Mom.

- Come on.
- Sweet... sweet !

Jen, quick, uh, uh,
Willow and th!

That's it!
We found it!

Oh, quick!

Call the Crackle Hotline!

Oh, what's the number?
What's the number?

Uh, I don't know.
It's on the cereal box!

- Where's the cereal box?
- Uh, it's in the kitchen!

- Where's the kitchen?
- Over there! Go! Go! Go!

(Jennifer squealing)

Mal?

Yeah, Dad.

Where are you going?

Nowhere.
I was... I was stretching.

We've still got a lot
of work to do.

Oh, good, good.

I-I was afraid we were just
going to do those nine hours.

Come on. We've just scratched
the surface.

Now, here, uh, take this, uh...
take this folder.

Now, uh, let's, uh...
let's look over, uh,

the areas we want to cover.

Now, I-I know I definitely want
to touch on, uh, uh,

Congressman Willeck's trip
to the Persian Gulf.

What approach do you think
we should take?

A fashion approach.

Yeah, yeah,
fashion does have its place,

but there are some things
more important

than color coordination.

After all,
there's a w*r going on.

Dad, do you ever stop to think

that maybe if the world
were color-coordinated

there'd be no more wars?

After all, when colors clash,
men are soon to follow.

Well, okay, you write a little,
um, uh, fashion prospective,

and I'll see
if I can fit it in the report.

Um, okay.

Yeah, uh-huh.

How can that be
a Crackle Hotline

if the line is always busy?

I mean, what would happen

if someone had an actual
Crackle crisis?

Alex, I'm so glad you're here.

I'm going completely nuts
working with Dad at the station.

It is a disaster.

"I told you so"
is such an ugly phrase.

All right, give me the details.

Alex, I am so bored down there.

I feel like I've entered one
of Dad's documentaries.

Like... like, at any moment,

I'm going to be sh*t
with a tranquilizer g*n,

tagged, weighed and shipped
to a wildlife preserve.

Well, maybe you'll turn up

on Anima/s, Anima/s,
Everywhere Anima/s.

All right, look, uh, Mal,
why don't you just quit?

Oh, I can't do that.

It means the world to Dad
that I'm working there.

He's so proud of me.

He keeps calling staff meetings
to introduce me.

I've met Gus times.

All right, well, then,
look at it this way, okay?

I had to go through it,
now you have to go through it.

I mean, it's a fact of life,

growing up
in the Keaton household.

I mean, right now,
Jen is working on her segment

of Ohio in Review.

So, just hang with it,
and-and sooner or later,

your basic incompetence
will shine through.

I sure hope so.

Gus, have you seen Mallory?

Uh, yeah.
She's in the control room.

- She should be down here
in a minute. - Oh.

I tell you, Elyse,
I'm getting a little worried.

- About Mallory?
- No.

About me.

Now, if you and Steven
keep shipping your offspring

down here to the station,
I got the feeling

I'm going to find myself
out of a job.

(laughter)

Oh, you know, Elyse,
one day this little girl

is going to work
at this station, too.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
I'm packing my bags.

Hello? Hello, operator. Yeah.

I'm-I'm trying to get through
to the Crackle Hotline.

B-But the line is always busy.

Oh, I... oh, you're trying
to call, too?

Oh, really?

Well, where do you think he is?

(laughs)

The telephone operator thinks

that Colonel Crackle
is under a bus in Dayton.

(Andrew laughs)

BOTH:
We're going to be rich!

Uh, you better hurry, Mallory.

We're going to go
in about two minutes.

Yeah, I'm ready. I just got
to set this stuff up.

- Hey, how's my partner?
- Fine. Fine.

I did everything you said.

I've got all the copy
right here,

and I put all the cassettes
in the control room.

Great, great.
Way to go, Mal.

All right, Steven,
I need you onstage now.

All right.
No, no. Crackle.

C-R-A-C-K-L-E.

Crackle.

- (musical fanfare plays)
- Come on.

- No. Crackle.
- Alex, come over here. Alex.

MALE ANNOUNCER: WKS proudly
presents Ohio in Review.

Colonel Crackle! C-R-A...

- Come on.
- C-K-L...

Hello and welcome.

I'm the general manager of WKS,
Steven Crackle.

I...

That's, um,
Steven "Crackle" Keaton.

Welcome to Ohio in Review.

At the top
of Ohio happenings tonight,

the Dayton Drive-Through
Lion Safari

celebrated its fifth anniversary
this week,

and a huge crowd was on hand
to see monkeys, baboons

and the like strut their stuff
for children of all ages.

And Congressman Jim Willeck
returned

from his recent
fact-finding mission

to the w*r-torn region
of the Persian Gulf.

The four-term congressman
was dressed

in a lovely chiffon gown

with diamanté shoulder straps
by Galanos.

He was?

I'm sorry, Dad.

It must have gotten mixed up
with that...

- with that fashion report...
- Yeah, that's all right.

...I was... I was working on.

- Yeah, here.
- Here. Okay, go ahead.

Hi, Mom.

- ELYSE: I'm over here.
- Oh, hi.

Willeck reported
that the Iranian leadership

repeated their demands
for a cease-fire with Iraq.

These included free passage
through the Straits of Hormuz,

an embargo on Iraqi oil products

and a pair of sling-back,
open-toed shoes

for tomorrow night's dance.

I'm sorry, Dad.

No, it's okay.
Let's-let's roll the videotape.

In national news, the president,
at a press conference today,

stated that he
and other government officials

were hard at work trying
to cut down on defense spending.

- He also said...
- Dad.

Not-not now. Not now, honey.

The president emphasized
that the huge federal deficit,

while troublesome, was something
we can't run away from.

The key, he said,
was to try to ride it out.

Dad, I made a mistake.

I think they're showing
the wrong videotape.

Mm-hmm. What?

This just in.

Monkeys, monkeys,
everywhere monkeys.

Dad, just go to a commercial.

We don't have a commercial.
We...

Can I just use this phone?

Alex, please.

- ALEX: Crackle! C-R-A-C-K-L-E!
- (banging on desk)

I'm going to go up to put,
uh... put Andy to bed.

- I'll check on Mallory, too.
- Good idea.

I'm just going to use the phone.

Alex, don't you think

you're being
a little insensitive?

Jennifer, we're talking
about $ , here.

Make the call.

Yeah, at last!
It's ringing! It's ringing!

Hello! Hello.

I would like your complete
and undivided attention.

My name is Alex P. Keaton.

Colonel Crackle
is in downtown Columbus

on the corner of Willow and...

(sighs)

What?

I beg your pardon?

That's impossible.

Really?

I see. I see.

Alex, what's the matter?

Colonel Crackle was found
under a bus in Dayton.

By a telephone operator.

My God, is he all right?

Mallory's door is locked.

She won't come down.

Hey.

You seem to be taking it
awfully hard, Alex.

It's okay. Hey, it's okay.

The job just...
just wasn't right for her.

A telephone operator.

Yeah, maybe she could do that.

Mom, what should we tell Mallory
about the show?

I mean, should we tell her
we liked it?

We should just tell her
the truth, honey.

Oh, Mom, come on.
It was embarrassing.

It was humiliating.

And it-it was...

it was the dumbest thing
I've ever seen.

- That is true. Yeah.
- Yeah, I believe that, I do.

Hey, loved it, Mal.

That was the finest piece
of tele-journalism

- I have ever seen.
- STEVEN: It's certainly

- new ground down at...
- Thought that, too.

- I'm sending out for
transcripts. - ALEX: Stunning.

You're all very nice,
but I know what it was...

a complete disaster.

Well, I'm afraid you're right
on the money there, yeah.

Telephone operator.

I'm so sorry, Dad.

I mean, I-I swear
I tried my best,

but I was just in way over
my head, and I apologize.

I thought you were doing great!

If it was too much for you,
why didn't you come to me?

Why didn't you say so?

Oh, I'd go to work every day,

and you were so happy
I was there

and so proud
of every little thing I did.

And there I was
going through the motions,

and not really knowing
what I was doing.

Except that I was doing it
for you.

And I didn't want
to let you down.

I think I'm the one
who let you down.

I pushed you into areas...
you didn't want to go.

Areas you shouldn't go.

I'm sorry.

I really ruined your show.

- No.
- I hope your ratings don't drop.

Fortunately, Mal,
that's completely impossible.

I love you so much, honey.

I just want the whole world
to open up for you,

to see you go
and do things that...

I didn't have a chance to do.

I don't know. Maybe
every father feels that way.

But I am doing things
I want, Dad,

and I'm doing things
I never thought I'd do.

I'm going to college.
You and Mom gave me that.

Good.

And even though
I'll never, never, ever work

at your station again,

I've learned from you
the value of work,

but it has to be
my kind of work.

- Okay.
- Okay.

(Steven chuckles)

It was really nice
having you down there.

I loved seeing you so much.

It was nice for me, too.

So, it wasn't all bad, huh?

Some parts you liked?

Sure.

STEVEN:
Yes.

Well... (sighs)
Oh, I don't know.

Maybe, uh, you know, under...

under better circumstances,
it, uh...

You know, maybe if, uh,
Jennifer were down there

helping you and Alex.
Alex, too, Andy.

You know, maybe if you all
worked there at the same time...

I don't know, Dad.

MAN:
Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.

(Ubu barks)