04x16 - The Car

[bunniefuu]

♪ Now, the world don't move ♪

♪ To the b*at of just one drum ♪

♪ What might be right for you ♪

♪ May not be right for some ♪

♪ A man is born ♪

♪ He's a man of means ♪

♪ Then along come two ♪

♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans ♪

♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪

♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪

♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪

♪ To move the world ♪

♪ Everybody's got ♪

♪ A special kind of story ♪

♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪

♪ It don't matter that you got ♪

♪ Not a lot... So what? ♪

♪ They'll have theirs,
you'll have yours ♪

♪ And I'll have mine ♪

♪ And together we'll be fine ♪

♪ 'Cause it takes
diff'rent strokes ♪

♪ To move the
world, yes, it does ♪

♪ It takes diff'rent
strokes to move the world ♪

- Hi, willis.
- Hey, dad.

- Hi, willis.
- Hi.

What are you doing?

Trying to figure
out this rubik's cube.

Well, remember,

It's the boob behind the cube.

Willis, you are looking
at one happy sister.

Dad let me drive the car.

You're also looking
at one happy brother.

We're still alive
to talk about it.

Arnold, kimberly did very well.

You were there. You saw her.

No, I didn't.

The minute she took the wheel,
I closed my eyes and prayed.

You too?

Daddy, I drove very well.

I have my learner's permit.

I even stop for pedestrians.

Yeah, and they got
up and thanked you.

Stop it.

Dad? When are you gonna give me
some more wheel time in the limo?

Like when we were
on that country road.

You got it. As
soon as you're ,

You completed
driver's education,

Have a learner's permit,
just the way kimberly did.

How come you let
me drive last time?

There weren't
any cars for miles.

I thought it was safe.

I just had brain surgery.

I didn't do that bad.

You would have done better if you used
the brakes to stop instead of that cow.

I didn't hit that cow.

No, but you sure scared
the heck out of her.

When she ran away, she left a white
line down the middle of the road.

I got to have more wheel time.

Driving is important to a guy.

It's also important
to a woman, willis.

No, it isn't.

A guy's a man
when he gets a car.

A girl's a woman
when she gets a bra.

[Phone rings]

Hello.

Oh, hello, joan. How are you?

Oh, I'm looking forward to it.

No.

I love the idea of being
taken to a dinner dance

By a beautiful woman executive.

I promise. I won't even
reach for the check.

You can pay for
the cab, the dinner.

As a matter of fact, I'll be a little
upset if you don't send me a corsage.

See you tonight. Bye, joan.

Daddy, you're letting a
woman take you dancing?

Long as she pays, I'll let
her lead if she wants to.

[Doorbell rings]

Hello, hello, hello!

Hello, sophia. Come in, come in.

Hi, kids!

All: hi, aunt sophia.

Aunt sophia, guess what?

Daddy let me drive
the car today.

Oh, that's wonderful, dear,

But driving's not for me.

As far as I'm concerned, new york
is divided into kinds of people:

Those who drive and those
who get hit by those who drive.

You're leaving out my kind:
those who hide in manholes.

I always take taxis.

They're safer, and you get to
keep up on all the new swear words.

Oh, aunt sophia, I'm sorry,

But I left the scarf in the
glove compartment of dad's car.

What scarf?

The scarf you asked me
to pick up for you today.

Ohh, that's right, the scarf.

So that's why I'm here.

[Doorbell rings]

That's probably charlene.

We're gonna study
science together.

That must be a new
code name for makin' out.

Oh, hi, charlene. Come on in.

Hi, willis. Hi, everybody.

Hi. Hi, charlene.

How are you doing, kimberly?

Oh, great! Just great.

Daddy let me drive
the car today.

Oh, wow! I can't wait
till I'm as old as you.

Don't rush it, charlene. You'll be
over the hill before you know it.

Right, you don't wanna go from
being a young pepper to an old pooper.

Don't pay any attention
to them, charlene.

Come on, let's hit those books.

She's such a
pretty little thing.

Do they really study up there?

Well, when you were that
age and you were studying

Alone with a boy,
what did you do?

They wouldn't dare.

Don't worry, I'm not looking.

Go right ahead if
you're bumping gums.

You can open up your eyes, arnold.
All we're doing is our homework.

Hey, you really
are doing nothing.

Brother, you losin' your touch?

You know, arnold's right.

We're just sitting
here doing nothin'.

Let's do a little something.

Willis, there's a time and
a place for everything.

Ok. The time is tonight, and
the place is at the movies.

And I'm talkin' balcony heat.

Oh, willis, I can't.

I'm going to a rock
concert tonight.

A rock concert? Without me?!

But you said you
didn't like that group.

What group?

The garbage disposals.

Besides, the concert's a long way
out, and we'd have to take the subway,

And you don't like
taking subways at night.

Tch! Not unless
I get combat pay.

And, by the way, I don't
like you taking them either.

Oh. Well, I'm not
going by subway.

Then how you gettin' there?

You hitchin' a ride
with clark kent?

No, I'm getting a ride with
one of the kids from my school.

Oh! Well, who's the
lucky girl with the car?

Sherwood johnson.

That's a funny name for a girl.

Who's sherwood johnson?

Just a guy. What's
the difference?

The difference is I don't
trust guys with cars.

Well, why not?

Because they think
they're such hot sh*ts

And when they get a car
they start feelin' their oats.

And before you know it,

They start feeling your oats.

Willis, sherwood's a friend
who just offered me a ride.

That's all. Aren't you ever
gonna start trusting me?

Sure. As soon as you
start taking ugly pills.

See? You don't trust me.

Sure I do. As long as
you sit in the back seat

And sherwood's
chained to the wheel.

If that's your attitude,
willis, I'll see you.

Hey, listen, I didn't mean to
ruffle your feathers, little bird.

I'll walk you home.

[Scoffs] no, thanks.

Too bad you're not sherwood.

You could drive me home.

Am I wrong, or did I see
smoke coming out of her ears?

Women! Who needs them?

I do.

Hurry, kids.

We don't wanna be
late for the movies.

Hey! Check out the
tall blond penguin.

Well, how do I look?

You look very handsome, philip.

Smashing, daddy.

Well, if I'm not, I wasted dabs of
kissable number behind each ear.

[Telephone rings]

Hello? Oh, yes,
george, thank you.

Tell her I'll be right down.

Joan's waiting with a taxi.

She's picking me
up... And the check.

You're really letting a
woman take you out, philip?

Yeah. Does that shock you?

Oh, don't be silly.

I supported husbands

Long before they ever
called it equal rights.

In those days, they
just called it stupid.

Now, daddy, if I know
you, when the bill comes,

You're gonna be reaching
for your wallet as usual.

Are you suggesting
I'm a pushover?

Yes.

Well, come to think
of it, you're right.

But not this time, I won't be.

No. Sure you won't be.

No, I won't.

Now just watch.

Look. Here.

My credit cards,

Right here.

My car keys.

I'm disarmed, defenseless,
and vulnerable.

I hope she'll be gentle with me.

Bye.

Night, dad.

Be careful!

Willis, are you sure you won't
change your mind about the movie?

No, thanks.

Ok, kids, let's go.

All right. Good night, willis.

Good night, willis.

Hi, charlene, it's me.

What do you want, willis?

I just wanted to apologize for
making you think that I don't trust you.

Well, you should apologize.

What does he drive, anyway?

What's the difference?
I think it's a van.

A van?!

Willis, will you
stop imagining things.

Nothing's gonna happen.

You bet nothing's gonna happen.

And you know why?

'Cause I'm gonna drive you to
the concert in my dad's limo.

Say what?

You heard me.

Your dad said you
could take the limo?

He didn't say I couldn't.

But, willis, you don't even
have a driver's license.

Don't worry, sweet stuff.
My dad let me drive before.

Well, if you really
think it's all right...

Of course it is.

I got the wheels,
and all I need is you,

Little mama.

Oh, willis, you know
I'd rather be with you,

But what'll I tell sherwood?

Aw, tell that turkey it's
thanksgiving and give him the axe.

See you in half an
hour, my little flower.

All right!

Thanks for the
movie, aunt sophia.

You're welcome,
even if it stunk.

Stunk is right.

First time I ever seen people line
up in a movie theater to get out.

Oh, look, here's a
note from willis.

Oh, what a thoughtful boy.

He lives here and
still writes home.

"Hangin' out with the guys.
Won't be too late. Willis."

Well, that's good. Maybe he can
forget about charlene for a while.

Oh, speaking of forgetting,

We forgot to get
the scarf you left

In your father's
car this afternoon.

Oh, yeah. Oh, aunt
sophia, all you have to do

Is call the doorman
on the telephone,

And he'll run down to the
garage and get it for you.

Good idea. How do
I get the doorman?

Just press this button
marked "doorman."

How clever.

Too bad they don't have a
button marked "warren beatty."

Hello? I'm calling from
mr. Drummond's apartment.

I was wondering if you
would be so kind as to...

What? What?

He has the cutest german accent.

He's spanish.

I didn't know they
spoke german in spain.

achtung!

Would you please
find-o my scarf-o?

schnell.

It's in the glove compartment
of mr. Drummond's car.

Glove-o compartment-o.

Uh, gracias.

Oh, I think I'm gonna
make myself a snack.

Would you like anything,
aunt sophia dear?

No, thank you, dear.

Oh, kimberly dear...

Yes?

What about arnold dear?

Well, ok, jaws.

Come on, let's go
att*ck the refrigerator.

All right.

[Telephone rings]

Hello.

Did you find my scarf-o?

It's not there?

But it's in the
glove compartment.

The glove
compartment's not there.

Oh. The whole car is not there!

It's been stolen?

I better report this.

danke schoen.

Let me see... - - .

Hello, operator,

I'm calling from
park avenue.

Would you please connect
me with the police, please?

Thank you.

Hello, officer,

I would like to report
a stolen limousine

Belonging to
mr. Philip drummond.

Description?

About ' ", pounds...

And blue eyes.

Oh, you mean the car.

Well, it's a black limousine,

And the license
plate says drummond .

Thank you, officer.

Bye-bye.

Oh, my, that's terrible.

[Mouth full] what's terrible?

Someone has stolen
your father's limousine.

Hold it.

[Swallows]

What you talkin'
about, aunt sophia?

The doorman called,
and it's not in the garage.

Well, we better call the police.

I already did. All we
can do now is wait.

And hope.

And eat.

I think I'll have a cup
of tea and a tylenol.

Now, who would want to steal dad's
limousine right out of the garage?

Well, there are gangs
of professionals around

Or maybe just a mugger
who wants to get off his feet.

You know, a lot of kids
take cars for joyrides.

And I think I'm
related to one of 'em.

Willis, I hope you didn't
do what I think you did.

You did.

Give me the police, please.

Park avenue.

Hello, police?

A lady just called
about a stolen limousine

That belongs to
mr. Philip drummond

Of park avenue?

Right. Drummond.

Well, that was a mistake.

Somebody just parked it in
the wrong place, that's all.

Sorry to bother you.

Listen, we'll lay a check on
you for the policemen's ball.

My dad is loaded.

Hi, g*ng!

Philip, what are you
doing home so early?

Oh, I had to get this tuxedo
back to the funeral parlor.

No, actually, joan had
to catch an early plane.

Never has one danced and
dined so well and paid so little.

[Chortles]

She even gave me money
for the men's room.

I came out ahead,
I didn't have to go.

What is this silence?

It can't be respect.

Hey, what's wrong?

Well, daddy, you
see, it's like this.

When we got back from the mov...

I-i'll tell him, dear.

Older people are better
at telling bad news.

What bad news?

Philip, I'll try to be
as delicate as possible.

You remember the
limousine you used to have?

Used to have?!

What happened to my limo?

Did somebody run into
it down at the garage?

Something worse?

It was stripped?

Stolen?

My limo was stolen!

Hello, I want the police.
Give me the th precinct.

Daddy, we've already
reported it to the police.

Drummond: oh.

Oh, well, maybe
they found it. Hello?

I'm calling about a limousine
that was reported stolen.

Yeah, the name is
philip drummond.

Drummond.

What do you mean, the
report was canceled?

Excuse me.

Sophia, did you call and
tell them it was a false alarm?

If it had been a false alarm,

I would've called
the fire department.

Well, who could've
canceled that report?

Don't look at me, dad.

Arnold?

I guess this is what they call
the process of elimination.

Never mind, officer.
Thanks, anyway. What?

What check for
the policemen's ball?

Oh, he did, did he?

Well, it'll be in
the mail tomorrow.

Thank you.

Arnold, just why did you
cancel that police report?

Temporary insanity?

Stop stalling, arnold.

Where's your brother?

What brother did
you have in mind?

What a concert.

Mmm.

What a night.

What a kiss.

What kiss?

This one.

You're pretty smooth.

I know.

We gotta get going.

Oh, what'd you think
I was trying to do?

It's almost midnight.

Midnight?! Oh, wow!

I better go before my dad
realizes the car is miss...

I mean...

I promised him I
wouldn't be late.

Willis, did your father really
say it was ok to take the car?

Well, what's the difference?

The difference is not only are
you driving without a license,

But you didn't even get
your father's permission.

You lied to me.

Charlene, will you
quit nagging me?

We're not even married.

[Crash]

What was that?

I don't know.

Well, I know.

You backed into my motorcycle.

S-sorry, officer.

I didn't see you pull up.

I guess your rearview
mirror was too steamed up.

How old are you?

I'm gonna be .

When?

In about / years.

Now, you know, son,

I could've been on that
motorcycle you just backed into.

In which case, you would've
been talkin' to a dead cop.

Now, let me see
the registration.

Why do you need that?

Any time I catch an underage
driver in a big limousine,

I just wonder who
he stole it from.

Officer, I didn't steal it.

My dad let me borrow it.

Sure, sure, kid.

What's your name?

Willis jackson.

It says here the owner's
name is drummond.

I'm adopted.

And who are you, his mother?

Officer, if it'll do any good,

My father's a policeman, too.

Yeah, he's with the vice squad,

Detective alex duprey.

You can check it out.

I will.

I see. Well, all right,
thank you very much.

[Sighs] well, at least he's
not in any of the hospitals.

Thank god for that.

Dad, try not to be
too angry with willis.

Angry? He's an
inexperienced driver.

I'm too concerned about his
safety to be angry with him.

[Doorbell rings]

If that's willis, I'll k*ll him.

Hi, dad.

Mr. Drummond to you.

This is a policeman.

I noticed that.

Come in, officer.

What's the problem?

Mr. Drummond, your son was
caught driving without a license,

And that's a serious offense.

I know it is.

I can't imagine
what got into him.

You have any idea what
the punishment for this is?

That's up to the judge.

The judge should remember
that he was once a boy himself.

Unless he's a woman.

Well, couldn't you ask
the judge to go easy on him?

He's never been
in trouble before.

If it was up to me,

I wouldn't give him his
driver's license until he was .

I was thinking more like .

? Oh, no.

By that time, he could be
married and have a family

And no way to get
to the supermarket.

You'll also have to pay
for my m*nled motorcycle.

He backed into it.

Backed into it?

Good lord.

And since he's a minor,
you're responsible.

But dad's innocent!

He was out on the
town with a lovely lady

Who took him to dinner
and bought him a corsage.

It was only a gardenia.

You'll be notified when
to appear, mr. Drummond.

I have a squad car downstairs.

I'll take the girl home.

I've been in touch
with her father.

Thank you.

And is my father gonna
be in touch with me.

Where's my limousine?

Oh, it's been impounded.

And to get it out, it's gonna
cost you about bucks.

Oh, no. It's gonna cost
him about bucks.

Good night, willis.

Will I see you tomorrow?

Sure. Only this time,
do us both a favor.

Pick me up on your skateboard.

Good night. Good night.

Dad, i... This is the
dumbest thing I ever did.

Right.

You're lucky that the
only thing you m*nled

Was a motorcycle.

It could've been a
lot more serious.

I realize that you want
to be treated as an adult,

But you have to earn that right.

You have to act like one first.

I'm sorry, dad.

And I apologize for making
all you guys worry about me.

That's all right, willis.

By the way, did you notice,
when they impounded the car,

Did they impound my scarf, too?

I'm sorry.

Willis, I have no choice.

I'm going to ground
you but good.

For how long?

Until you get some
sense in your head.

That's not fair.

Willis might not get to
drive for the rest of his life.

Come on, willis. You and I
have some business to discuss.

♪ Now, the world don't move ♪

♪ To the b*at of just one drum ♪

♪ What might be right for you ♪

♪ May not be right for some ♪

♪ A man is born ♪

♪ He's a man of means ♪

♪ Then along come two ♪

♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans ♪

♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪

♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪

♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪

♪ To move the
world, yes, it does ♪

♪ It takes diff'rent
strokes to move the world ♪