04x17 - Crime Story: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

♪ Now the world don't move ♪

♪ To the b*at of just one drum ♪

♪ What might be right for you ♪

♪ May not be right for some ♪

♪ A man is born ♪

♪ He's a man of means ♪

♪ Then along came two ♪

♪ They got nothing
but their jeans ♪

♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪

♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪

♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪

♪ To move the world ♪

♪ Everybody's got a
special kind of story ♪

♪ Everybody finds
a way to shine ♪

♪ It don't matter that you got ♪

♪ Not a lot, so what? ♪

♪ They'll have theirs
and you'll have yours ♪

♪ And I'll have mine ♪

♪ And together we'll be fine ♪

♪ 'Cause it takes
diff'rent strokes ♪

♪ To move the world ♪

♪ Yes, it does ♪

♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪

♪ To move the world ♪

Ahh. Want to trade sandwiches
sight-unseen, dudley?

Sure!

Hey, you said yes too fast.

You trying to slip
some sour tuna on me?

It's not tuna, I swear.

Oh, ok, I'll live dangerously.

Peanut butter and jelly.

I really hate peanut
butter and jelly.

Then don't bother to
unwrap that sandwich.

Yours, too?

Might as well stick
to our own germs.

Man, I really hate
these sandwiches.

Me, too.

You don't like
'em? We'll take 'em.

It's my favorite kind of
sandwich. Somebody else's.

Hey, give those back!

What do you think you're doing?

We think we're
eating your lunch.

What about it?

Nothing. I just asked.

Uh-huh.

Arnold, I think we'd
better get back to class.

Yeah, I'm beginning
to miss the teacher.

Hold it, little hombre.

Little hombre is holding.

We, uh, we haven't
even talked about

Our lunch for tomorrow, my man.

You mean you're gonna
eat our lunch again?

By jorge, he's got it!

If you think we're gonna let you

Eat our lunch
again, you're crazy!

Of course, crazy
people gotta eat, too.

So, uh, we'll see
you here again, then,

Same time tomorrow?

Yes, sir.

I'm looking forward to it.

And, uh, no more peanut
butter and jelly, all right?

I'll have a bacon and
tomato on whole wheat

And hold the mayo.

You can bring me a corned
beef swiss cheese on rye

With a kosher pickle.

I don't live over
a delicatessen.

Then maybe you oughta move.

Ha! Good idea.

I was getting tired of
that penthouse anyway.

By the way...

I wouldn't bother to
mention this to your parents.

You, uh, you know
what I mean, yeah?

I hear you.

Loud and clear.

I'm not gonna say anything
about this, arnold, are you?

No way! I want to grow up

To be feet above the
ground, not under it.

And we just add a little
more parmesan cheese,

And voilà. It's
finished, willis.

Dad, you know, I didn't know
you were such a good cook.

That looks terrific.

Words are cheap.

Leave a little something
under the plate.

Oh, gee, dad, that
does look good.

Mm. It's a work of art.

Thanks.

Has anyone ever
signed a lasagna?

Dad, you won't have to sign it.

You'll be remembered
by your garlic.

Our advertising motto
will be "slurp and burp."

Hi, everybody!

Hi, arnold! Hey, arnold!

Dad! What are you
doing home so early?

Dad's cooking dinner tonight.

I made a treat for you
guys. My special lasagna.

Great! I'm starved!
Can I have some?

Oh, it's not cooked yet.

Right now it's just
cold, raw, sticky dough.

Sounds good to me.

Arnold, dinner will be
served at the regular time.

Put your stomach on hold.

You want to be
responsible for a -year-old

Fainting at the foot of
his own refrigerator?

Arnold, we packed
you a huge lunch today.

Um, well, it was eaten.

But I still feel like I
haven't had any lunch,

And, uh, I'm a growing boy.

Yeah, but you're
supposed to grow this way,

Not this way. Ha ha ha!

I only want a little
afternoon snack.

Arnold, that looks like a
snack for orson welles.

Put that back. I made
pounds of lasagna.

Good! What are the
rest of you gonna have?

Arnold, I think you've
got a tapeworm.

Tch. No, I think he's
got a tapesnake.

Well, arnold, I guess we better
pack you a bigger lunch tomorrow.

Oh! Speaking of lunch,
whatever I was gonna get,

Could I please
have a, uh, a, uh...

Corned beef with
swiss cheese on rye?

Since when do
you like deli food?

You kidding? At school they
call me "captain corned beef."

Oh! I almost forgot.

Please put in a kosher pickle.

I think the kid's pregnant.

You know, daddy, he's been
acting really weird lately.

I mean, more than usual.

I've seen him hungry before,

But never this hungry.

Willis, when he was a baby,

I bet they didn't
give him a bottle.

I bet they set him in
front of the refrigerator

And said "go, man, go."

Something strange going on.

He has a very strange
look on his face.

Willis, why don't you go up
and see if you can find out

What might be bothering him?

You know, ask a few
subtle questions.

Sure, dad.

Close your eyes, abraham.
I'm opening my safe.

Hi.

Willis! Can't a man
have any privacy?!

Turn your back.
I'm opening my safe.

Is this a deposit
or a withdrawal?

What are you, the irs?

I'm just asking.

You know, you
seem kind of jumpy.

What happened at school today?

And why are you taking
money out of your safe?

Um, um, it's just good to have a
couple of bucks in your pocket

Just in case the cops
stop you for vagrancy.

Arnold, don't jive me.

Just because I'm beautiful
doesn't mean I'm dumb.

Come on, I just want
to ask you one question.

What are you gonna
do with that money?

I'm gonna buy my
lunch at the cafeteria.

Cafeteria?

Arnold, adelaide packs
you a good lunch every day.

Why would you want to buy lunch?

You used up your one question.

Wait a minute, arnold.

You hate the cafeteria.
Now start talking.

You said you'd
never eat there again

After the day the rice
walked across your plate.

It wasn't rice. It was beans.

And only three of them walked.

Well, anyway, why would
you want to buy lunch?

Don't press me, willis. I
promised I wouldn't tell.

Ok, if that's the way you
want it, no more questions.

Willis! Don't you care
if they b*at me up?!

What?

And smash my lips
and crush my face

And leave me lying
there bloody pulp

With cauliflowers in my ears

And not a paramedic in sight?

Arnold,

What are you talking about?
Who's gonna b*at you up?

Older guys came
into our school today

And took my lunch
and dudley's, too.

And they're coming
again tomorrow!

Well, how old are they?

Well, a little older than you.

A couple of high school kids.

Who are trying to get a
scholarship to san quentin.

Yeah, I know that type.

They're too chicken to pick
on somebody their own size.

Maybe we ought to tell dad.

No, arnold. I'll
handle this myself.

I'm going to come to your school

And take care of those guys.

But there's two of them,

And one of them's real mean,

And he looks like this.

And he's the good-looking one.

I don't care what
they look like.

Listen, I love you, and
nobody's going to pick on you.

I love you, too, willis,

Just the way you are...

With your nose in the
middle of your face.

Yeah, and that's where
my nose if going to stay.

You know, like
muhammad ali said...

With my speed and my grace,

Nobody's going to
touch my pretty face.

Willis, I don't want
you to get in any fight.

Listen, this is serious.
I'm going to tell dad.

Tell dad what?

These two big guys
came to our school today

And took my lunch
and dudley's, too.

And they're gonna
do it again tomorrow.

Oh, so that's why
you were so hungry.

Those punks! You're not
even safe in your own school.

Don't worry, dad. I
know how to handle it.

So do i.

But, dad, you...

No, you just stay out
of this. I'll handle it.

Dad, I don't want you
to get in any fight.

You're too old and flabby.

Arnold, there isn't
going to be any fight.

I'm gonna call your principal.

That is, if my flab isn't too
weak to pick up the phone.

Gee, arnold,

I'm not sure you should
have told your dad.

Why not? I'm not
afraid of them punks!

Man, you're brave.
You must be a lot taller

On the inside than
you are on the outside.

Dudley, there's
nothing to be afraid of.

The principal told dad
that he knows who they are

And that he'd take care of them.

And if they did show up
again, they wouldn't touch us.

They're chicken!

Arnold!

Bullies like that haven't
got any guts, dudley.

You having a fit or something?

Something wrong with your neck?

Yeah. I don't want
it to get broken.

Looks like your
friend does, dudley.

Hi, guys. What a coincidence.

We were just talking about you.

Yeah. We heard.

You know, guys, it's, uh,

It's not nice to
call a guy a bully.

Bully? Me?

You didn't hear me say
that, did you, dudley?

No. And I didn't hear you
call him chicken, either.

Thanks, dudley.

It wasn't nice of you
to tell your father, kid.

After your father
called the principal,

The principal called my father.

You should have heard
what my father called me.

Are these the
sandwiches we ordered?

Mine is.

What about yours, kid?

We were out of corned beef,

But we'll run right
over and get you some.

Whoa.

You know...

I think you guys
got us all wrong.

We're not gonna take your
sandwiches for nothing.

Yeah. Yeah, let's talk about
the money for the sandwiches.

The money? Well,
that's very nice of you.

How about cents
a sandwich, dudley?

Sounds fair to me.

Oh, no, no. That's not enough.

How about $ . A sandwich?

Whole dollars?! Why,
that's very generous of you!

No, no, kid. That's
very generous of you.

You see, that's what you're
gonna pay us to eat 'em.

What you talkin' about, mister?

Are you saying we got to
bring you sandwiches every day

And pay you bucks
apiece for eating them?

You catch on quick.

Why should we pay you?

'Cause you sh*t
your mouth off, kid,

And you do it again, it's gonna
cost you a lot more than bucks.

How much more?

Who knows?
Hospitals charge a lot

To put a body back
together again.

See you tomorrow, eh?

Man, I've only got bucks.

I'm ok for wednesday
and thursday,

But I get beaten up on friday.

That's all right.
I'll loan you bucks,

You won't get beaten
up until monday.

At least that way, you'll
have a nice weekend.

Arnold, you can't
afford to lend me

Bucks a day till I graduate.

No, I can't.

All I got is about
$ in my bank.

You know, dudley, if
we want to stay alive,

We'd better stop
going to school.

Well, how can we? What do we do?

What will we do?

I've got it. We'll go
to the movies instead!

I like that.

But our folks aren't gonna
let us stay out of school.

We won't tell them.

We'll pretend we're still going.

But what if our
parents find out?

Well, at least we'll
see a lot of good movies.

Morning, dudley.

I'm ready to meet you
for "school." Ha ha ha!

I'll meet you in the park

And we'll decide what
movie we'll see today.

But we already saw that.

Oh, yeah, you're right.
That's where we'll go.

Their hot dogs are bigger.

Yeah, dudley, I did all
my homework for today

So I was on a roll and did
some for tomorrow, too.

Yeah, I'll meet you in class.

Arnold, it is a real
pleasure to hear you

So enthusiastic about school.

School's a breeze.

It's like I'm not even there.

That is the kind of thing

That warms the cockles
of a parent's heart.

Which is good, 'cause I hate
going around with cold cockles.

I guess you feel better now

'Cause those bullies haven't
bothered you for a couple of days.

That's it, willis.

You know, dad, I think
you did the right thing

By calling arnold's principal.

That's a terrible thing,

Ripping off little
kids at school.

Yeah. It's like a bad
movie I saw yesterday.

On television, of course.

Well, I got to be
getting to work.

Who wants a ride to school?

I do! Me, too, dad.

I pass.

Did I hear right?

Arnold, you'd turn
down a ride to school?

Well, um, I'm trying
to cut down on limos.

I mean, the guys
at school will think

I'm one of those
obnoxious rich kids.

You are.

Arnold, aren't you the
one that's always said,

"If you've got it, flaunt it"?

Well, that was last year

When I was young and uncouth.

That's right. Now you are
just loaded with couth.

Well, gotta get to the park.

Park? Isn't that a little
out of the way, arnold?

Oh, just a little.

But it's very educational.

You learn all
about mother nature

From the squirrels
and the butterflies

And the people
making out on benches.

Bye.

Bye. Bye.

I don't know why, but I get the
feeling there's something wrong.

Why would you say that, dad?

Well, he sounds a
little bit too happy

About going to school.

I think he's just relieved
about those bullies, dad.

Yeah, but there's a
theory, you know, that says

If anything can possibly
go wrong, it will.

Oh, yeah, that's what
they call murphy's law.

Yeah, I think murphy had
arnold in mind when he wrote it.

I dig your sense of humor, dad.

Why am I wasting my time
adding this up in my head?

Why don't I just
use my calculator?

Because, willis, it's better for
your math if you do it yourself.

Yeah, but it's better for my
grade if I use my calculator.

Good point.

[Ring]

Hello?

No, mr. Drummond isn't home.

This is his son willis.
Can I take a message?

How's arnold feeling?

Oh, well, um, he's
feeling much better now.

And you can expect him
back to school very soon.

Ok, bye.

What was that all about?

That was the attendance
office at arnold's school.

He's been cutting
school for the last days.

What?

See, they figured he was sick,

So they were checking up on him.

Why, that little stinker.

Why do you suppose
he's been staying out?

I don't know, but,
you know, dad's right.

There is something
funny going on.

Well, if dad finds
out about this,

Arnold won't be able to sit
down again till he's in college.

Hey, guys!

Hi, arnold.

Hey. How was school today?

Aw, great. Man, that's
my kind of school.

Really? What did
you do in class today?

Oh, we had a test that
you would not believe.

Tough, huh?

Oh, k*ller.

What subject was it?

Um, history.

What kind of questions?

Mainly about things
that happened in the past.

Oh, you mean like,

When did the civil w*r start?

Yep, right!

And what year did they sign

The declaration of independence?

You got it!

And, like, why haven't you been
to school in the past days?

Uh-oh.

Well, arnold?

Uh... Uh... Uh...

That's a lot of "uhs."

Well, I'm in a lot of trouble.

How did you find out?
Did dudley squeal?

Oh, you mean dudley's
in on this, too?

Dudley who?

Start spilling
your guts, arnold.

Now, what have you been doing?

Well... We went to the movies.

You wasted your time
at the movies for days?

Wasted?! We saw cartoons!

Anyway, I did some very
educational things, too.

Oh, sure. Such as?

Well, I took a ferry
around the statue of liberty.

I went to the museum
of modern art.

And I went to the zoo and
studied animal behavior.

And when kimberley leaves,

I'll tell you how
some of them behaved.

You've still been out of
school for days, arnold.

So what?

Abraham lincoln was
a self-educated man.

Quit stalling, arnold.

Why have you been
cutting school?

Well, I can't tell
you. I'm afraid.

Arnold, honey, does
it have something to do

With those bullies who've been
threatening you at your school?

Well, I can't tell you,
but you're getting warm.

Arnold, you have
nothing to be afraid of.

Now, come on. What happened?

Well, those guys
came back today.

Not only do me and dudley
have to bring them sandwiches,

But now we have to pay them
bucks a day for eating them.

Those creeps!

And they said if
we don't pay them,

They'll turn us into
human rubik's cubes!

Geez, you just wait till
dad hears about this!

Well, dad's not
gonna hear about it.

I'm gonna handle this.

Dad did it his way
and it didn't work,

Now I'm gonna do it my way.

What do you mean, willis?

Arnold's going back
to school tomorrow.

Oh, no, I'm not!

Yes, you are.

Arnold, you can't keep
running from trouble.

Well, I'll run, and you
can go to school for me.

That's exactly
what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna be at your
school at lunchtime,

And if those clowns
show up again,

I'm gonna have a
few words with them.

But, willis, there's of
them and only one of you.

They're gonna use your
skull for a bongo drum.

Willis, you could get hurt.

I can take care of myself.

Willis, I really think
we ought to tell dad.

No way. I don't want
dad to know about this.

Won't he get a hint

When they call from the morgue?

I don't know if we should've
come to school, arnold.

I'd feel a lot safer in times
square with all the weirdoes.

Dudley, there's
nothing to worry about.

Willis will be here
soon to protect us.

He'll be our bodyguard.

He better get here right away,

'Cause our bodies need
some fast guarding.

Maybe you were right
about times square.

Well, well, well, roberto,
look who's back in town.

Thought you guys
were missing in action.

Let's see, you guys
were out days?

You owe us sandwiches
and bucks apiece.

au contraire, roberto.

Counting today, that's
sandwiches and $ . .

He's better at numbers
than me. His father's a bookie.

Here's a short bet.

We're not paying
you clowns anything.

Ohh!

The noise pollution must be
getting worse around here.

It sounded to me like he
said he wasn't paying us.

That's right! We're
not paying you!

Did you hear that, turkey?!

Arnold, you never said
this was a su1c1de pact.

Hey, you pretty brave,
amigo. What you been smokin'?

Smokin' can k*ll you
and so can my brother,

And you better b*at
it before he gets here.

So that's it, huh?
You got a brother.

That's right. He's
tough, he's mean,

And he's got fists of steel.

Sure, sure, and he's got a
black belt in karate, right?

Not anymore. Now it's red
from all his victims' blood.

Arnold, you got a
brother besides willis?

Listen, little shrimps...

Who you calling shrimp, chump?

Oh. This must be bruce lee.

Lay off my brother
and his friend and b*at it.

What if we don't feel like it?

Then you got a
problem on your hands.

I think you're the one
with the problem, man.

Hi, honey.

I'm sorry to be late. I
got tied up at the office.

I suppose everybody's starving.

Well... Not exactly.

Well, don't tell me
arnold isn't hungry.

It's : . By this time,

He's probably
eaten the furniture.

Well, he hasn't said anything.

That's strange.
What about willis?

He hasn't said anything, either.

Yeah? Are you telling
me neither of those guys...

What are you trying to tell me?

Daddy, I did something dumb.

Well, don't do something dumber.

Level with me. What is it?

Well, you see, we found out

That arnold's been
cutting school

Because those two
bullies are still on his case.

So you see, willis...

Don't tell me willis went
down there to deal with them?

Oh, no.

[Telephone rings]

Hello?

Arnold? Where are you?

I'm over at this place.

What place?

Uh, well, it's some place

With a lot of walls
and halls and rooms.

Arnold, could you be
a little more specific?

Well, from all the doctors
and nurses walking around,

I guess you could
call it a hospital.

A hospital?

What's the matter?
Are... Are you all right?

I'm fine. I'm just
visiting willis.

Willis? What's wrong with him?

Well, the doctor'll tell you.

Well, let me talk to him.

Well, you can't right now.

He's busy putting
stitches in willis.

Stitches? What
happened to willis?

♪ Now the world don't move ♪

♪ To the b*at of just one drum ♪

♪ What might be right for you ♪

♪ May not be right for some ♪

♪ A man is born ♪

♪ He's a man of means ♪

♪ Then along come two ♪

♪ They got nothin'
but their jeans ♪

♪ But they got
diff'rent strokes ♪

♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪

♪ It takes diff'rent strokes ♪

♪ To move the world ♪

♪ Yes, it does ♪

♪ It takes diff'rent
strokes to move the world ♪

♪ Hmm ♪