- Are you ready, kids?
all: Aye, aye, Captain!
- I can't hear you.
all: Aye, aye, Captain!
- ♪ Ohh... ♪
♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- ♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- ♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- ♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪
all: SpongeBob SquarePants! - Ready?
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob SquarePants!
- SpongeBob
SquarePants!
[laughing]
♪ ♪
[waves crashing]
♪ ♪
- [militaristic grunting]
Now, we all know what this day is.
- Today is the day when Plankton tries to steal
the Krabby Patty formula, sir!
- Like he does every day.
- But this time, he's not going to catch me
with me spatula down! [laughs]
Ooh? [laughs]
SpongeBob
you're on guard duty, boy!
- Yes, sir, Mr. Krabs!
Yah!
- And I'll go undercover.
[snoring]
- Hm? - Hut, two, three, four!
Hut, two, three, four!
♪ Krabby Patties are the best ♪
♪ They'll put hair on your chest ♪
- [gasps]
Oh!
- [falteringly] ♪ Krabby Patties are the best ♪
♪ They'll put hairs... into your nest ♪
- [yawns]
Ow.
- Any sign of Plankton?
- Uh, afraid not, Mr. Krabs.
- Maybe he's on vacation.
- Don't be silly!
We always take our trips together,
to keep an eye on each other.
What's taking that crook so long?
[jaunty accordion music]
Hm... Maybe the door is stuck.
[humming]
♪ ♪
Ah, for--these customers are blocking the way!
[yelling]
♪ ♪
- [sighs] There we go.
Nice, open path.
Hm? Mm...
Hey! Well, maybe he just needs
a little incentive.
[ukulele music]
[fanfare] [chuckles]
There we go.
[stealthy jazz music]
Oh.
Maybe he doesn't want me formula anymore.
[gasps]
He took the bait!
We're going to red alert!
[alarmed music]
[hubbub]
♪ ♪
Batten down the hatches!
Furl the deck!
Stop that greedy green goober!
- [panting]
Oh.
- [sighs] Ow.
♪ ♪
- Doggone it.
Can I get some ketchup over here?
Please?
- False alarm.
all: Whoa!
Oof!
[all groaning]
- Closing time!
[jaunty music]
♪ ♪
- And just where do you think
you two are going?
- It's customary to go home at closing time.
- Aren't you going home, Mr. Krabs?
- [laughing] Oh, I'm not budging.
Plankton is gonna try something.
I don't know when. I don't know where.
- Probably... here.
- Well, yeah. But when he does,
I'll be waiting for him.
[laughs]
I'll be waiting right here.
- Morning! Hm?
I guess Mr. Krabs went home after all.
- No, I'm still here...
Waiting for that blasted Plankton!
both: Gah!
[disconcerting scales]
- Yeah, I'll take-- - Me patty formula?
Huh? I knew it!
You in there, Plankton? [grunts angrily]
- Mr. Krabs, that's not Plankton!
- I will never set foot in this establishment again!
From now on, I'm using the drive-through!
- [gasps]
- [humming contentedly]
Whoa! - Aha!
Trying to to sneak a Krabby Patty to Plankton, eh?
- But Eugene, it's just a to-go order.
- [mocking gibberish]
Well, from now on, all patties are to be eaten
on the premises!
- What are you gonna do now, ban pockets?
- Capital idea, Mr. Squidward.
There'll be a $-a-barrel surcharge from now on.
[runaway music]
Whoa, hey, slow down there, Grampa.
Let's just see here.
Aha!
Another one of Plankton's spies!
- I just wanted some for later.
- You're banned!
♪ ♪
Hm...
So Plankton's recruiting
baby burglars now!
- [cries]
- You're banned!
You! You're banned! You're banned!
Banned!
- Ah... - Banned!
- [groans]
[unhinged string music]
You're all banned!
[gibbering]
- Mr. Krabs, I don't think Plankton's coming.
- Nonsense.
[knocking] [gasps]
See? It's that stinker Plankton now.
What do you want?
- Uh... A Krabby Patty?
- Why? - I'm hungry.
- Mr. Krabs, that's just Sandy.
- I'm not falling for it.
That's the worst squirrel suit I've ever seen.
- [whimpers]
[ukulele music]
[gibbering]
- Do you think Mr. Krabs is acting... strange?
- [manic gibbering, laughter]
- He seems fine to me.
- Maybe we should postpone
our plans for tonight.
- Plans? Aha!
You're both working for Plankton!
Get out of me restaurant,
you tricky treacherous traitors!
[both groaning]
[suspenseful music]
- I know you're in here, Plankton.
Where you hiding?
- I'm right here
at the Chum Bucket!
Come on down
and try our new Chum Nuggets.
- Heh. Whew.
[screams]
[dramatic music]
Oh. [chuckles]
Just a--just a cup.
- [laughs]
- Ah! Oh?
[maniacal laughter]
Ah!
[dramatic music]
[screams]
[gibbering]
♪ ♪
[panting]
[screams]
Get ahold of yourself. Get ahold of yourself.
[sighs]
I'm starting to see things. [laughs]
[maniacal laughter]
- [screams, gibbers]
Huh?
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
Those two ARE
working for Plankton!
[gasps]
♪ ♪
- Ow.
- Me own daughter?
♪ ♪
Oh, not Old Man Jenkins!
[cries]
Everyone really is out to get you.
Aren't they, my little formula?
[doorbell rings]
- Mr. Krabs?
[stiltedly] You have got to come with me
to... The Chum Bucket,
for Plankton has kidnapped Squidward.
- Oh, so that's Plankton's evil plan?
He wants me formula as ransom!
What do we do?
What? What's that?
Oh, that's just brilliant!
Hold on a minute.
I'll go get the ransom.
Oh, you want a Krabby Patty, do you?
Well, I'll give you a Krabby Patty.
[laughs maniacally]
Oh!
Ooh?
[laughs evilly]
Okay, let's go rescue Squidward.
[laughs]
[mysterious orchestral music]
- [muffled speech]
- [laughs evilly]
Surprised, Krabs?
- Not at all, Sheldon.
I knew you were up to something.
- Oh, yeah?
How about now?
all: Surprise!
- [screams]
[confused noises]
- Oh, come, Krabs.
It's the anniversary of the first time
I tried to steal your Krabby Patty formula!
- So we threw you a surprise party.
- You mean you weren't working for Plankton?
- Of course not, Mr. Krabs.
- Oh, I shouldn't have suspected you, SpongeBob.
Whew. Won't need these anymore.
[laughs]
- Oh, boy, Krabby Patties!
- Yee-haw!
[excited hubbub]
- [screams]
No! Don't eat the patties!
- Huh? - Gotcha.
[laughs]
[gibbers]
[energetic music]
Ah!
♪ ♪
Whew.
Ah, tartar sauce!
[groans]
[screams]
♪ ♪
[all oohing]
♪ ♪
Yay.
[ukulele music]
♪ ♪
[excited chatter]
- A little help here!
- Did you enjoy the surprise party, Mr. Krabs?
- Eh, I'll tell you in a second.
- [grunts] Huh?
[angelic chorus]
Ooh, that fool Krabs
left the Krabby Patty formula behind!
[chuckles]
[nervous vocalization] Mommy.
[ukulele music]
Ooh.
- Yes, boyo. I enjoyed it very much.
[laughs]
[jaunty ukulele music]
♪ ♪
- Why, you...
- What I do?
- Why, you...
- What I do?
- Why, you...
- What I do?
- [laughing hysterically]
- Wow!
It's "The Sir Urchin
and Snail Fail Show"!
- It's cartoon time, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob? SpongeBob?
[ponderous orchestral music]
SpongeBob?
♪ ♪
SpongeRobert?
- Oh!
It's cartoon time!
I'll get our "Sir Urchin" hats.
Whoa.
- Not so fast, SpongeBob.
What's in the secret room?
- It's not a secret room, Patrick.
It's my library.
- W-what's that word mean?
- A library is a... playground for your mind.
- [vacant drone]
[laughter]
Hm...
[laughs]
Let's do it! It's library time!
- Ow! Ow!
- What I do?
[ukulele music]
- [enthusiastic grunting]
[yells]
- [meows]
[hisses]
- Oh, tender, naive Patrick,
it's not that kind of playground.
It's a place to read books! See?
- I love books!
[laughing] Book!
Book!
- Gary, I don't think Patrick knows
how to use a book properly.
Ow!
[ukulele music]
Behold the books, Patrick.
Each one has a story to tell.
- Whoa. - Look out!
Those books are cliffhangers,
stories for the adventurous.
- [pained grunt]
[nervous yelling]
I'll save you!
Whoa!
[dramatic orchestral music]
- There are logbooks,
unabridged books,
and books with bridges.
- Whoa!
[laughs]
- Listen to the soothing sounds
of the audiobooks.
[seagulls crying]
I can hear the ocean.
[toilet flushing]
Me too!
[laughter]
- Cookbooks, for the culinarily curious.
- [vacant grunting]
I like the pictures.
- Ah, but the pictures are a mere snack!
It's the words in the book that really feed your brain.
Let's start you off with an old book.
[light orchestral music]
[eerie music]
[sniffs] Ah, musty old books smell.
Now read the words, Patrick.
- Oh, read the--
oh, uh...
"Once...
Upon a..."
"Once upon a"...
Once upon a what?
- To continue the story,
you have to turn the page.
- Oh.
"Time."
"Once upon a time"!
[laughs]
That's the most amazing trick I've ever seen!
I want to stare at more words!
- Then feast your eyes!
[ethereal music]
♪ ♪
Once upon a time...
- [quavering]
Once a--
You're too slow!
[muttering]
- He likes it! Hey, Patrick!
- [muttering]
♪ ♪
- [sniffing]
[gasps]
♪ ♪
[industrious grunting]
♪ ♪
[dramatic orchestral music]
♪ ♪
- Ooh, Patrick, your head is absorbing
all the book knowledge,
just like a sponge!
[laughs]
♪ ♪
[laughs] Go, Patrick!
Get those words!
Get them good!
♪ ♪
- Stop reading words!
♪ ♪
- Wow, what a bookworm!
Whoa.
- Yes, SpongeBob?
- Uh, Patrick, I think
that's enough knowledge for one day.
Looks like you're full.
- Nonsense, dear boy.
One can never accumulate too much information.
[genteelly] Ahem.
- Well, we're fresh out of books.
Come on, I'll buy you an ice cream.
- Ah, I must confess to feeling
more than slightly peckish.
- Patrick, I'm so proud of you!
Ooh, you're a big brain now!
- Ooh!
Oh, a skosh too big, it seems, eh, wha'?
- "Eh, wha'" what? - [laughs]
Oh, no matter, my plebeian friend.
I shall simply exit posthaste,
posterior-first.
Oof!
- I got it. - Careful.
- Little bit... Wow.
You really got your melon jammed in there, didn't you?
- Oh, true, SpongeBob.
Eh, but we can easily solve this problem
on a quantum physics level. Take this down.
If we reduce my subatomic particles
by way of orbital electromagnetism,
we'll create a harmonic oscillation
within the molecules,
resulting in a wave-function collapse,
which will enable my "melon,"
as you so drolly put it,
to slip out.
- Okay, sure.
Let's give it a try.
[muttering]
[otherworldly music]
- [meows]
- Gary!
Speak to me.
Oh...
- [meows]
- Oh, Gary, you're back.
I'd know that slime anywhere.
[gasps] Slime!
That's it! [laughs]
Slime it up, Gar-bear.
- [laughs]
Abominable.
- Yeah, that Gary grease ought to do it.
Okay, Patrick, pull yourself out.
[jaunty ukulele music]
♪ ♪
[yells]
Hey. "Head Shrinking for Beginners."
Hm...
[energetic drum music]
[screams]
[chicken clucks]
♪ ♪
[chanting, yelling]
♪ ♪
[chicken clucks]
[high-pitched] Oh, I give up!
I guess we'll have to live here in the library forever, Gary.
- [meows]
- [cries]
- SpongeBob, your typically moronic attempt
has given me the solution!
Perhaps because I had to smarten up
to get stuck...
- You'll need to dumb down to get free!
- [laughs]
Who's sporting the big brain now, hm?
[laughs]
- All right, Patrick.
Let's get stupid!
Yeah!
[industrious ukulele music]
♪ ♪
Electronics.
♪ ♪
Whew.
I hope this works. - Ah.
♪ ♪
- Why, you...
- What I do?
- Why, you...
- What I do?
- I'm sorry, dear boy,
but watching this mindless drivel
isn't affecting me in the least.
[vacant moan]
- We've got drool!
Patrick, it's working!
- What I do?
- This is insulting my intelligence.
[laughing] And I adore it!
[lower, more enthusiastic laughing]
[rumbling]
- What I do?
- Why, you...
- What I do?
- [frightened noises]
[crashing sounds]
- We did it, Patrick!
The mindless drivel is destroying your knowledge!
- [laughs]
[vacant laughter]
[building orchestral music]
♪ ♪
Whoops. Here, Patrick.
You may need this little fella.
- [vacant groan]
Huh?
Ah.
[ukulele music]
♪ ♪
- Well, Patrick, this is where we came in.
Ready for some ice cream?
- Boy, am I ever!
Oof. A book?
I love books!
[yells]
A book! [laughs]
- That's right, Patrick.
Play nice with the pretty squares.
Gary, this is really one for the books, eh?
[laughs] - [meows dully]
- [laughs]
♪ ♪
11x20 - Plankton Paranoia/Library Cards
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
A square yellow sponge named SpongeBob SquarePants lives in a pineapple with his pet snail, Gary, in the city of Bikini Bottom on the floor of the Pacific Ocean.
A square yellow sponge named SpongeBob SquarePants lives in a pineapple with his pet snail, Gary, in the city of Bikini Bottom on the floor of the Pacific Ocean.