05x22 - Keaton vs. Keaton

[bunniefuu]

♪ I bet we've been together ♪

♪ For a million years ♪

♪ And I bet we'll be together ♪

♪ For a million more ♪

♪ Oh, it's like I
started breathing ♪

♪ On the night we kissed ♪

♪ And I can't remember ♪

♪ What I ever did before ♪

♪ What would we do, baby ♪

♪ Without us ♪

♪ What would we do, baby ♪

♪ Without us ♪

♪ And there ain't no nothing ♪

♪ We can't love
each other through ♪

♪ What would we do, baby ♪

♪ Without us ♪

♪ Sha la la la ♪♪

What color should I
make the hair, uncle nick?

Any color, andy.

Let's see, green and purple

Are good colors for hair.

Yeah, they're fabulous.

Purple.

No, no, no. Andy, andy.

Andy, you don't want
to draw someone

With purple hair.

Why not?

Because normal people
do not have purple hair.

Aside from your family,

Everybody I know
has got purple hair.

I repeat...

Normal people do
not have purple hair.

What does that got to
do with anything anyway?

You know, an artist sees colors

That nobody else can see.

That's right. Everybody
gives off a different color.

They're called auras,

And they represent
the spirit of that person.

Is that so?

I mean, nick, for
instance, is a fiery red.

And andy is a
bright brilliant blue.

And you're...

You're sort of...

You don't have a color, alex.

Look, this is a simple

Republican heroes coloring book.

Now, the only colors
that should be used

For hair in this book

Are brown, black, red, blond,

And bald.

All right, andy, humor him.

Make the hair blond,

But put it in a mohawk.

No, no, no, no, wait a
minute, wait a minute.

You're not giving
ronald reagan a mohawk.

You're right. He's
in enough trouble.

Ok, time for bed.

Hey, come on. I'll
take you up, huh?

All right, I'll be up
in a couple minutes

To make sure your
pajamas match. Kiss.

Thank you.

Bye.

Good night, mallory.

Good night, andy.

Ugh. These nights mom
and dad go out are tough.

I think it's sweet.

It's nice for them to get out.

You know, once a
week meeting downtown

For dinner or a movie,
just the two of them.

It's the kind of thing
that keeps them so close.

I'm not saying you're
not entitled to an opinion.

I'm just saying that
I have to question

The depth of anyone who
doesn't like that movie.

That's all.

I see.

What movie did you go to?

out of africa.

You liked it, mom?

Oh, oh, it was beautiful.

I laughed. I cried.

I was transported to
another time and place.

Dad?

Remember uncle eddie's slides

Of his trip to africa?

Sure.

Same thing.

Except instead of uncle
eddie and aunt rhoda,

This had robert redford
and meryl streep.

I'm so sick of you putting
down meryl streep.

I'm sick of you putting
down aunt rhoda.

Ok, look, before this
gets entirely out of hand,

Let's not forget the films
that we have both loved

Over the years.

Good idea.

gone with the wind.

annie hall.

it's a wonderful
life. Adam's rib.

it happened one
night. Casablanca.

e.t.

Phone home. Phone home.

Phone home. Phone home.

Come on.

Well, they seem happy.

Oh, kids, kids, kids,
I almost forgot.

I've got big news for you.

What? What is it, dad?

The station has decided
to award a scholarship

In independent
study in any field.

Now, the competition is open

Only to children
of wks employees.

How much money will I win?

The actual award is $ , ,

But there's no
guaranteeing you'll win.

Now, we expect to
have over applicants.

Uh, could I get that
in one lump sum?

Or can I have
some of it deferred

To the end of the fiscal year?

Why don't you just have your
business manager give us a call.

Thanks.

I have one here
for you, too, mal.

Huh?

You're eligible...

You're , you're in college.

Yeah, mal. Go ahead, apply.

Thanks, alex.

No, I'm serious,
mal. Apply. Apply.

There's nothing in here

That says you have to be
going to a real college.

Alex, don't worry.
I have no intention

Of applying for this
silly little scholarship.

Oh, why not, mal?

It's open to everyone.

Now, it's not just for
academic achievement.

Artists, musicians, anyone.

No. Thanks anyway, dad.

Well.

I wonder if I could
have this deposited

Directly into my swiss account.

Alex, I am not writing

A letter of
recommendation for you.

Come on. Jen, look, I
need a recommendation

From someone other than my
parents who knows me and likes me.

I see your problem.

What's it for, anyway?

Something where if you win,

You leave home, I hope.

It's a scholarship from
your father's station.

Now will you write it, please?

What do you want me to say?

Oh, I don't know.

Just, uh, just the usual stuff.

You know, bright, elegant,

Brilliant, charming.

I got a form letter
upstairs you can follow that.

This is interesting.

Look what he has
down for career goal.

"World domination."

That's our boy.

It says it's open to all
wks employees' children.

Is mallory applying?

No, and she just doesn't
seem interested, either.

Hi.

Mallory, I can't believe
you're not going to apply

For this scholarship.

It's seems right up your alley.

Jen, what would be the point?

I can't compete with alex.

Why not?

You're as good in fashion

As he is in money-hoarding

Or whatever it is he does.

I saved the other application.

It's upstairs on my bureau.

I'll get it.

Jen...

Mom, I don't think it's
such a good idea if I enter.

I don't want to pressure
you into anything,

But I've just seen you
come so far this year,

You know, you've
just grown so much.

Why don't you take a chance?

You know, just take a risk.

This is crazy.

I'm not going to win, mom.

I'm not good at these
kinds of competitions.

It's easy to sit
on the sidelines

And not take a chance.

You know, you're safe
there. You won't get hurt.

But if you do that,

You'll never know
how good you could be.

You know, I do have this
idea for a line of clothing

For women in the business world.

It sounds interesting.

Oh, I don't know, mom.

Alex will laugh at me.

He's not going to laugh at you.

He'll respect you
for taking a chance.

Alex, guess what.

I'm thinking of applying
for the wks scholarship.

I'm sorry.

Hey, mom, where's mal?

Upstairs working on
her fashion project.

She's really going
through with this thing huh?

Yes, she is.

And it took a lot of courage for
her to enter this competition, too.

You know, I think she
deserves our support.

She is your sister.

Yeah, well, that may be true

From a straight,
genetic viewpoint,

But I've had to put a lid

On all the warm,
brotherly feelings

That would otherwise
show through.

That must be a struggle for you.

Mallory and I
are in competition.

The moment she entered this,

She ceased to be my
sister and became my rival.

We are technically at w*r.

So really, nothing's changed.

Hi, alex.

Hey... Hey, mal.

Excuse me, mal. I'm
working on my project here.

We are in competition.

I don't think it's right for
you to be snooping around.

Jen, come over here
and look at these things.

I can't believe how great
my designs are coming out.

Let me see.

I mean, look at this sleeve.

Ooh.

Which do you like
better, this or this?

Oh, definitely this one.

Ok. Great.

Step up here.

And I'll show you what
it's going to look like.

You know, mallory, as we
speak, the other applicants

Are working on their projects.

There are computer science
students creating software,

Biology students
discovering enzymes,

Brilliant economics wizards
completely restructuring

This country's monetary system.

Do you really expect to triumph

Over that kind of competition

Simply by draping a
blanket over jennifer?

Nobody asked you, alex.

All right. Ok. Hey, sorry.

Just trying to brace you

For the huge and
inevitable disappointment

That's coming your way.

I'll tell you something, alex.

For years, I've watched
you win everything

With no hope of
competing with you.

It would be easy for me to say,

"Forget it, mallory. You'll
always be second-rate."

But I refuse to do that.

I have decided that no
matter what you say,

I'm going to keep trying.

'Cause if I don't, I may as well
just roll over and play dead.

Good going, alex.

I hope you're real
proud of yourself.

You just made mallory
feel completely worthless.

I don't even want to be
in the same room with you.

Could you unpin me, please?

Ok, alex, we better get going.

The interview starts
in half an hour.

Yeah, all right, dad.

Just going over some
last-minute notes here.

"Thank you. Thank you.

"You are too kind.

Please stop."

All right. I'm ready.

I'll just put
these in the u-haul

With your other
books and charts.

Oh, dad, did you get
that box of -d glasses?

Right here.

Good stuff.

Oh, hey, mal.

Is all that stuff for
your presentation?

Uh, yeah.

You want some help?

No. Thanks.

Are you sure?

Yes. I can handle it
perfectly well on my own.

Ah! Ok, look...

It's fine, alex. Everything's
under control.

Did you make this?

Yes.

If I were... If I
were a woman...

And had a better figure...

I'd be clamoring after this.

I tried to design
a line of clothing

For the working woman.

'Cause women have a hard
time being taken seriously

In the business world.

Women not being taken
seriously? God knows why.

So I designed a line of clothing

That women can
wear in a man's world

Without hiding the
fact that she's a woman.

This is great.

You, uh, you saw a
demand in the market

And you set out to fill it.

That is good business.

Hey, these sketches
aren't bad, either...

Attractive, professional.

Thanks, alex.

Although you could have shown

A little more leg on this one.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
These are great.

Thanks.

I'm sure your presentation
is really great, too.

Yeah, it is. You
want to hear it?

No.

Good luck, alex.

Yeah.

Good luck to you, mal.

Ahh, I just popped in to see
if you had your interview yet?

No.

I'm sure you'll do great.

Where's alex?

Ha ha ha ha!

Ahh.

Well, uh, stop by my
office when you're done

And you can tell
me all about it.

Ok.

Good luck.

Thanks.

Ha ha ha ha!

Bravo! Bravo!

Bravo!

You're too kind.

Please stop.

Ha ha ha ha!

Thanks.

Your presentation
was amazing, alex,

And the effects were incredible.

When that dollar bill started
spinning out towards me,

I jumped out of my seat.

Mallory?

What?

We're ready for you.

Oh.

Hey, come on, mal. You're next.

All right.

Oh, hey, mal?

Knock 'em dead.

Thanks.

Mallory, we all
found your application

Very interesting.

Thank you.

And we're looking forward
to your oral presentation.

You may begin.

Well, a lot of people
think fashion is silly,

But it's not.

It reflects social values,
and more importantly,

Sometimes determines them.

How so?

Well, in the business world,

The, uh, traditional
man's dark suit...

Which... Sorry... Personally,
I find a little boring.

Um...

Keeps it a male-dominated world

Because in order
for a woman to fit in,

She has to pretend she's
a man and dress like one.

Hear, hear!

And I also think if people
dressed more comfortably,

They... They could
improve their efficiency.

So, I've designed
a line of clothing

For the working woman...

Comfortable, authoritative,

And yet, still feminine.

Oh! Wonderful!

If you'll refer to my
chart on demographics...

Oh! Wonderful.

And so, as you can see,

This color does more for
her complexion and mood.

Not that it's better than
what you're wearing already.

No, it's much better.

Aw.

Mrs. Simpson, don't you
just feel great in this fabric?

Oh, yes!

See? That's what I've
been talking about.

Fashion really does
make a difference.

Yes. Bravo, mallory. Great.

Wonderful.

Wonderful.

Ha ha ha!

Uh, mr. Wertz.

Uh, so, what's the good word?

Your sister gave a
splendid interview, alex.

Oh, really? Really? Great. Good.

Hey, that is a
nice color on you.

Isn't it, though?

Your sister suggested it.

I guessed that.

She's wonderful.

She's still in there chatting
with some of the panel.

Oh, good. Yeah.

Uh, so, how many...
How many applicants

Do you have left to interview?

None. You two
were the last ones.

Ah, so you'll be awarding

That scholarship
pretty soon, huh?

Well, we haven't
voted officially yet...

Yeah, but you know, right?

Well...

Come on, mr. Wertz.

Honestly, alex, you're
like a kid on christmas eve.

I know, I know, I know, I know.

But, look, I'm going to find out
later on today anyway, right?

I suppose that's true.

Congratulations, alex.

You won the wks scholarship.

Yes!

Thank you. Thank you, mr. Wertz.

Thank you.

You deserve it.

Just remember to look surprised

When you find out.

Hey, mr. Wertz.

Uh, just, uh, just
out of curiosity,

How did mallory
finish in the running?

She was our second choice,

Right after you.

Oh...

Well, those are
the breaks, right?

Well, I'd better
be getting back in.

Congratulations, alex.

Thank you.

This is great for evening
and then for work,

Or for anything.

You are so talented.

You are. You have
lots of good ideas.

All right, I'll be back later.

Oh, alex! Alex!

It was great! I mean, I
did really well in there.

I answered all their
questions, right?

They were really impressed
with my presentation.

I think I was, too.

I think I've got a sh*t at
winning this scholarship!

Mal, that's terrific.

That's terrific.

I am so excited I could burst.

I got to go tell
dad. I'll be right back.

I thought she was
just wonderful.

Uh, mr. Wertz.

With all due respect, sir,

I'm withdrawing
from the competition.

But that means...

Yeah. Yeah, I know
what it means.

I wouldn't do
that if I were you.

Why not?

It's not your man.

Yo, alex.

Alex, how did your interview go?

Oh, fine, fine.

Where's mallory?

She got home about an hour ago.

Where have you been?

I was out walking.

Do you think you won?

I don't know. Hard to tell.

It's just another scholarship.

Why is winning always so
important to you people?

Here it is.

It says wks right
on the envelope.

Hey, open it up, babe.

I'm afraid. You open it.

Oh, mallory.

I don't want to know.

Oh! I won!

I won!

I won the scholarship!

She b*at alex.

Hey.

Congratulations, mal.

Thanks, alex.

Elyse, I think we have some
champagne in the basement.

Why don't we go get it?

Ok. Come on, guys. Come on.

Well.

This is the moment
you've been waiting for.

Let me have it.

Oh, come on, mal.

Don't hold back.

Let's see some gloating.

You know, I've waited all
my life for this moment.

I imagined it so
many different ways.

That day, far in the future,

When I'm in the spotlight

And you're in the shadow.

I always thought this moment

Would somehow occur in new york.

You'd be waiting for
me at some small cafe.

And I'd come running
in breathless

And I'd say, "look, alex,

My designs are on
the cover of vogue."

And you'd smile, stammer
out congratulations.

But I'd know, that
underneath that toupee...

You were... You
were green with envy

And completely bald.

We'd engage in some small talk,

Exchange some pleasantries.

You'd try to interest me

In some shoddy land deal.

I'd politely decline,

Saying, "no, I have
to head uptown.

Business, you know."

And I'd turn to sign
someone's autograph, right,

And I'd see someone
walk up to you

And say, "aren't you
mallory keaton's brother?

You must be so proud."

So I'd come back,

And, I'd... I'd, you know...

Shove a few bucks
in your pocket.

And I'd ruffle my fingers
through your hair,

And say good-bye.

Only after I'm halfway uptown

Do I realize that

I've got your
toupee in my purse.

That's quite a rich fantasy life

You got there, mal.

And you're entitled
to the cover of vogue,

But, uh... Why do
I have to be bald?

You know, now that I'm here,

Now that I've won,

I don't feel like gloating.

I mean, I'm excited for me,

But I feel bad for you.

I know how much these
things mean to you.

And I'm sorry you lost.

Thanks, mal.

But don't feel bad for me.

Ok?

Because I'm happy.

I'm happy for you.

You know, and maybe...
Maybe this could be the start

Of a new mallory keaton.

One who pushes herself.

One who strives.

One who reaches
for the brass ring

And gets it.

And when they
ask me how it feels

To be mallory keaton's brother,

I'm going to say, "damn proud."

Thanks, alex.

Whoa. Easy, easy.

Here I am!

Yeah!

Yeah! Yay!

Celebration's in
the dining room, alex.

You coming in?

Yeah, in a second, dad.

It's terrific about
mallory, isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah, it sure is.

She really seems excited.

You know, I always
knew she had it in her.

Yeah, she, uh, she sure did.

Mr. Wertz told me what you did.

What? I don't know what
you're talking about.

That you stepped down
so mallory could win.

Oh, that.

Oh, yeah.

It was no big deal.

It was a wonderful
thing that you did.

You acted in an incredibly
compassionate and generous fashion.

You didn't think
of yourself at all.

Well, I figure in life

You should try everything once.

Thanks, dad.

You gave her a great gift.

Dad...

Can I borrow , bucks?

Man: sit, ubu, sit. Good dog.