05x24 - 'D' Is for Date

[bunniefuu]

Johnny mathis: ♪ I bet
we've been together ♪

♪ For a million years ♪

Deniece williams: ♪ and I
bet we'll be together ♪

♪ For a million more ♪

♪ Oh, it's like I
started breathing ♪

♪ On the night we kissed ♪

Both: ♪ and I can't remember ♪

♪ What I ever did before ♪

♪ What would we do, baby ♪

♪ Without us? ♪

♪ What would we do, baby ♪

♪ Without us? ♪

♪ And there ain't no nothin' ♪

♪ We can't love
each other through ♪

♪ Ooh hoo ♪

♪ What would we do, baby ♪

♪ Without us? ♪

♪ Sha la la la ♪

Hey, honey.

I'm glad you're all here.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Sure, mal. Something wrong?

I... I don't even know
how to say this.

The most horrible thing
in the world has happened.

What is it now, mal?

Clashing outfit?

Sweater out of style?

Headband too tight?

Nick might have to go to jail.

What? Jail?

Oh, boy, that could be rough.

Oh, can you pass me
those cookies, mom?

Nick, i... I don't
know what to say.

Well, this news is very...

I know "comforting"
isn't the word. Um...

That's terrible, nick.

You make sure you
write, now, huh?

Well, what exactly did you do?

He didn't pay his income
taxes for the last years.

I'm shocked. You didn't pay your
income taxes for the last years?

I'm shocked.

You had income
for the last years?

Look, nick really
needs your help.

I mean, this letter
says he's got weeks

To fill out all these tax
forms and pay his taxes.

He'll never be
able to do it alone,

And if you don't help him,

He could really go to jail.

Of course we'll help.

Uh... Oh, yeah.

I'll do it myself. Ok,
what you have to do

Is get your records and files
together from the last years.

You mean that, alex?
You'll do all that for me?

Sure, sure. Why not?

After all, I could
use the practice.

Hey, i... I know
better than that.

You're doin' it just because
you like me, right? Huh?

All right, ok.

All right, nick, nick,

Let's not get mushy here, ok?

Hey.

Yeah, hey. Hey.

Good luck.

Hey, jen, great news.

I don't have to go to jail.

Well, this is a happy day.

Hey.

How was school, honey?

It was ok. [Clears throat]

I got a new lab
partner in science.

He's coming over soon to study.

Oh, yeah? Who is he?

I don't know. Some dumb jock.

I don't really know
much about him.

Yeah, well, you just
keep it that way, missy.

What's his name?

Timothy paul higgins.

He's ' ", brown
hair, green eyes,

And the pitcher of
the baseball team.

His earned run average is . ,

Which unfortunately is
also his grade-point average.

He likes to listen to
bruce springsteen,

And he loves hero sandwiches

With jack cheese, salami, mayonnaise,
mustard, a little lettuce, and tomato.

That's all I know.

Now that the
investment tax credits

Are no longer available,

Real estate appears the safest
investment for the next quarter.

Let me guess who gave you that.

I had nothin' to do with that.

Ahem. The flip
side is really hot.

Wanna watch sesame street
with me, jennifer? It's on.

I'm sorry, andy. Someone's
coming over to study with me.

And it's not just someone, andy.

It's timothy higgins,

The boy jennifer's
got a crush on.

I do not have a
crush on tim higgins.

He's my lab partner,
and we're doing

A science project
together. That's all.

[Knock on door]

It's him. How do I look?

Great! Go!

Hi, tim. Come on in.

Hi.

Well, these are my... My parents

And my brothers alex and
andy and my sister mallory.

Well, this is a...
A real pleasure...

This is great. I had no idea

Studying with you
could be so much fun.

Why would you think that?

Are you kidding me? With
jennifer "the brain" keaton?

You're wrong
about how smart I am.

I'm as dumb as you are.

You know, you think
I'm so smart at science,

But there's a lot of things that you're
smart at that I don't know anything about.

Like what?

Like baseball. You
are so much smarter

Than I am at baseball,
I can't even begin

To tell you half the
stuff you know about it.

Isn't that cute?

Wait. What is she talkin' about?

She knows everything
about baseball.

[Scoffs] shh.

Like, what is it to tell
how good a pitcher is,

Earning averaged run something?

You mean earned run average.

Yes. I... I have no
idea what that is.

Come on, jen, you know...

You know, what you need
right now is some more salami.

Salami's jennifer's favorite.

And what do you think about
that sandwich jennifer made?

Pretty good, huh?

Yeah, it's great.

Jennifer's a terrific cook.

She's gonna make
some very lucky guy

A good date for
the prom someday.

Do you mind? We're
trying to study.

Oh. Sorry.

Yeah. W-we're just on our way.

Yeah.

Now, where were we?

Uh, you were asking
me about baseball.

Right, right.

Shouldn't we study
a little bit more?

We've studied
enough for one day.

I mean, pages is a lot
more than I usually do.

Besides, it's not as much
fun as talking with you.

Uh, jennifer, I was wondering.

We're getting along
pretty well here.

Yeah, I know.

Um, would you like to
go out with me sometime?

Sure. I'd love to.

Great. Great.

When?

I don't know. Anytime.

Are you the boy my sister loves?

How 'bout right now?

Well, here it is,

My past years in
alphabetical order.

Well, you know, I have to
admit, nick, I'm impressed.

I didn't think you'd
be so organized.

See, dad? You always
think the worst of nick.

[Clinking]

"mister rogers fan club?"

"This card certifies
that nick is a neighbor."

Don't leave home
without it, nick.

Ah, look. It's still good.

Oh. Look, nick,

What we need to
keep you out of prison

A-are receipts, check
stubs, deposit slips.

You know, a bank passbook?

You know, I don't even know

What any of that
stuff looks like.

Come here. Come here.
I'll, uh... I'll help you.

Uh, you know, nick, maybe we're
giving this prison idea short shrift.

Is jennifer home yet?

No, no. She's still at
tim's baseball game.

She's really fallen
for him, hasn't she?

In a big way. The last weeks,

She's spent all of
her time with him.

They're working on this
science project together.

Right. He's all
she can talk about.

It's so cute.

Oh, it is depressing.

Jennifer's turnin' into a girl.

Jen, jen, how was the game?

Tim looked so
cute in his uniform.

Ohh.

So how was the game?

His eyes matched the cap.

Sounds like a
very exciting game.

Sounds like you
had a good time, jen.

Sit down. I did. And, mal...

Yes. Tell, tell.

Tim asked me on a date to
the cleveland indians game.

Sounds serious.

I hope so. You know,
when tim says, "indians,"

His mouth kind of curls
up in this really cute way.

Tell me all about it.

When tim asked me to
the game, it was so sweet.

All he could do was smile.

Tim's got the best smile, mal.

His nose crinkles up,
and his eyes sparkle

Like... Like that green
dress we saw at the mall.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

All right. Ok. W-wait
a minute. Wait a minute.

Look, jen, I'm not gonna
just sit back a-and watch you

Throw yourself at some dopey kid

Who... Who smiles weird

And... And looks good
when he says, "indians."

I'm not throwing
myself at anyone, alex.

Oh, jennifer, come on.

You are a walking
encyclopedia of baseball,

But the other night,
when you were with tim,

You pretended you
didn't know anything.

I mean, wh... I
don't understand.

I understand.

Somehow I knew you would.

Alex, it's so simple.

Guys do not go out with girls
who are smarter than they are.

You know, that's really
a frightening statement,

Considering who you go out with.

Look, alex, all I'm trying to do

Is make tim feel important.

No, forget about tim, ok?

Think about me.

Now, it is very important to me

That people know
you're smart, jen.

That way, mallory
just looks like a fluke.

[Knock on door]

Tim! Alex, let's leave
these two alone.

All right. Just...
Just one thing, ok?

Tim, hi.

Uh, could you say,
"indians," for me?

Indians.

You know, you're right.
He... He is kind of cute.

That was a great
game you had today.

Nice touchdown you hit.

Oh, jennifer, that's
called a home run.

Oh, right. I can never
keep these things straight.

I have something for you.

I want you to wear
my varsity jacket.

Oh, tim. That's so sweet.

Jennifer...

Will you go steady with me?

Me steady with you?

Yeah. What do you say?

Mallory: she'd love to!

You heard her.

All right, nick,

My partner and I have your...

Income from the past
years all figured out.

This is so exciting.

Gives me chills.

Ok, now that we
know your income,

We can start to
look for deductions.

Ok. Let's look.

Where?

How many dependents do you have?

Uh, what's a dependent?

Someone you support. You know,
someone who depends on you.

I depend on nick.

Not financially, you don't.

Well, no, but what's
the difference?

I depend on him anyway.

He's my lifeline,
my very breath.

Don't you have some
dolls to play with?

Look, alex, you said "depend."

If you don't mean "depend,"
you shouldn't have said it.

I wish you'd just
say what you mean.

All right.

Go away.

Ok.

Ok...

Let's talk about depreciation.

Uh, what's depreciation?

Allowance made for a
loss in value of property.

Huh?

It basically means we
can take a deduction

For any equipment you use in
your artwork that loses its value.

Uh, I only use my brains.

This could be a whopper.

All right.

Uh, andy, why don't
you take nick upstairs

And show him that
new tax book I got you,

spot's first w- .

Come on, nick.

Hey, uh, but after, can
we do some coloring?

Sure.

All right.

Hey, jen, what's new in the
annoying little world of teen love?

Nothing good.

What's the matter?

Tim and I flunked our
science project together.

Together? That's so romantic.

Hey, g*ng. How was school, jen?

It was all right.

Did you get your
science project back?

Yeah. Oh. How'd you do?

The important thing
is I still have my health.

That doesn't sound like an "a."

An "f"? Jen, that's
not like you.

Come on, mom. One "f"
won't hurt anybody.

No, this is getting serious.

A couple of cs
already and now an "f."

Honey, you... You have got
to bring up your grades.

Don't make us ground you.

You never grounded mallory

When she started
getting bad grades.

They wanted her to see daylight.

Great, so I have to be really
nerdy and study real hard.

Tim won't like me, and I
won't be any fun anymore.

What has tim got to do with it?

These are your grades
we're talking about.

Look, I was doing
really well in science,

And I didn't have a boyfriend.

I wasn't popular, and I wasn't
getting invited to a lot parties.

Now I am.

I'm may not be doing
so great in school,

But I'm happy, and
tim really likes me.

It's hard to argue with success.

Well, w-we're happy your
social life is going so well,

But we're not gonna let you
sacrifice your grades for it.

Look, I don't care what you say.

I'm happier this way, and I'm gonna
keep seeing tim, and you can't stop me.

Uh, maybe I should
go talk to her.

Aw, wait, m-mal,
she's already failing.

What more can you do?

I don't feel these grades
reflect jennifer's ability.

I have every reason to believe

She's just as capable
as her brother alex.

He always got good grades,
and he never misbehaved.

In fact, he used to give out
demerits to the other students

Who made noise during class.

I think we're dealing with
another problem here, mr. Ryder.

B-o-y-s.

You can say the word, honey.

I'm glad you brought
that up, mr. Keaton.

Does t-i-m mean anything to you?

Please, fellas, why
are we spelling?

The point is jennifer is at
that age where peer pressure

Has more influence on
her than anything else.

More than her dad?

I'm afraid there's
no escaping it.

I have a teenage
daughter myself.

How's that going?

Quite poorly, thanks.

I have a meeting with her
teacher as soon as this is over.

Well, what's the answer here?

I mean, how are we
supposed to deal with this?

If we come down too hard on her,

We run the risk of...
Of driving her away,

But we can't just
sit passively by

And let her make
these kind of choices.

All I can say is try
to be supportive,

Try not to be too critical,

And drink plenty of liquids.

I can't believe

I don't have a
tremendous influence

On my own daughter.

You can't underestimate the need

For social
acceptance at this age,

Especially for girls.

Grades, college education...

These kinds of abstract ideas

Can't compete with
the immediate rewards

Of getting a varsity jacket.

I wish I had one.

Maybe we should
bring jennifer in?

Yeah. Let's, uh...

Jennifer, please, come in.

Sit down.

Hi, sweetie.

Hi.

Yeah, good.

Well, your parents and
I have been discussing

What I perceive to
be a serious problem

With your academic performance.

Uh-huh.

Jen, we are here to
find a way to help you.

What if I don't
think I need help?

What if I'm happy
the way that I am?

Wh-what do you mean by that?

I mean school is a very
small part of my life now.

I have a boyfriend.

I have a lot more
friends. I go out more.

I'm having more fun.

I'm happier.

Hi.

Hi, jennifer. Hello,
mr. And mrs. Keaton.

Hello.

Uh, t-i-m.

Right. B-o-y.

Mr. Ryder,

I just talked to my coach.

He said I've been
kicked off the team

And my science grades
were the reason.

Tim, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, too,
tim. School rules.

If you had worked harder
and gotten better grades,

This wouldn't have happened.

I can't believe this
has happened to me.

Tim!

You don't understand.

You'll never understand.

And so, friends, after
much accounting,

Most of it creative,

I am proud to present
the completed tax form.

Welcome, nick moore,

Into the world of
tax-paying citizens.

You know, this day
is important to us all,

Not, uh... Not only
because we kept a friend

And a loved one...

Out of jail,

But because we have
garnered for our firm

A fee of $ ,

Which my partner,

Who is upstairs taking his nap,

Has agreed to accept in candy.

Alex, that was beautiful.

So, uh, how much do
I have to pay in tax?

Oh, here it is. $ . , Nick.

Ooh.

Wait a second here, alex.

How come, uh, your fee is
more than I gotta pay in tax?

Keaton and frère
is a quality firm, nick.

Let's go celebrate!

Congratulations, nick.

And may there be
more people like you

So the big corporations

Don't have to bear
the tax burden alone.

I can't believe she
ran off like that.

I can't believe you
didn't catch her.

I was right behind her,

But I lost her in a
crowd of fathers

Running after their
teenage daughters.

Don't worry, honey.
She'll be home.

It seemed so simple
at the time, elyse.

Remember?

"Let's start a family," we said.

It all seemed so harmless.

If only one of us had said...

"Teenager."

Maybe we would have just
gone to the movies that night.

You all right?

Mom, this whole thing backfired.

I was acting dumb
and didn't study

Because I wanted tim to like me.

But because we didn't study,

Tim got kicked off the team.

It's all my fault.

Did you really think
that acting dumb

Would make him like you more?

Yeah. I did.

You see, he's got all
these cute and fun

And dopey girls
hanging around him.

How can I compete with that?

I-it's hard to compete
with dopey. That's true.

But, honey, if... If
you just be yourself

And don't be afraid
of how smart you are,

You can be as fun
and cute as anyone.

Really?

Yes.

You want people to like
the real jennifer keaton,

Not... Not someone that you're
pretending to be, you know?

And it is pretty darn hard

Not to like the real
jennifer keaton.

Thanks, mom.

I... I know there's a lot of
pressure on girls your age,

But never be less
than you can be

Just to be popular.

[Doorbell]

Hi.

Hi, jennifer.

Come on in.

Coming!

Tim, I have something
terrible to tell you.

I really am smart.

I mean, it's my fault you
were kicked off the team.

We could have
gotten a better grade,

But I was just
being dumb for you.

You were being dumb for me?

Yeah. On purpose.

On purpose?

Why?

I never asked you to be dumb.

You only liked me when I started
goofing off and getting bad grades.

Admit it.

You had no interest in
me when I acted smart.

I was just scared of you
when I thought you were smart.

I was afraid that if I
tried to talk to you,

You would laugh at me.

I would never do that to you.

I like you.

I like you, too.

I'll tell you what.

Let's really hit these books,

Bring your average up,

And get you back on the team.

Sounds good.

So you're really smart, huh?

Very.

How smart?

Don't ask.

Sit, ubu, sit.

Good dog. [Barks]