01x15 - My Funny Valentine

[bunniefuu]

Frozen, frozen, hard.

No good after all…

It’s full of dioxins.

I had saved this as
evidence a while back…

Don’t eat it,
you malnutritioned kid!!

Then you want to catch a fraud?
A matrimonial fraud?

Guess I have no choice.

What kinda fraud? Is it big?

Smallest of the small fry.

I don’t think Spike
will be up for this…

Ed wants chicken kabobs!

Guess I’ll do it alone.

You have got to be kidding!

Give me a break…

This stinks!

Really…

Weren’t you taught that you
should wipe your own butt?

I’ve been thinking of who
you remind me of…

I know now.
That guy with the thin eyebrows…

Whitney Hagas Matsumoto.

I wonder why I suddenly
was reminded of him…

Do you want to know something about
my past that nobody else knows?

MY FUNNY VALENTINE

Miss Manley, does she look
resuscitated to you?

Yes, she does, Doctor.

Miss Manley, does she look
like an old woman to you?

No, she doesn’t, Doctor.

Do you think she has been
successfully defrosted?

I believe so, Doctor.

Can you hear me?

I am Doctor Baccus.

Baccus, as in the Baccus that
drowned more humans than Neptune.

Do you know about him?

But I used to be an alcoholic.
Baccus was drowning thanks to Baccus.

Hey, that was great!

All right, open wide…

No problems. You have no wounds left,
and the cells are dividing nicely.

Now… you only have
one problem to solve.

Oh, it’s just a simple process.

The million for the basic operation,
and years’ worth of interest.

Hey, how much is that?

million… add to that the hospital
fees for a total of , , woolongs.

Yes, if you pay up that much,
you will be free. Do you understand?

I don’t understand…

Yes, that’s it…

What?!

Where is this?

Who am I?

Miss Manley?

She is not acting, Doctor.

I am Whitney Hagas Matsumoto,
your lawyer.

Lawyer?

At the request of the Totus Insurance
Company, I did some research on your past.

Miss Faye Valentine.

Is that really my name?

It’s a lovely name.

It suits you very well.

…and?

How much of your memory
do you still have?

This is a TV…

…this is a hot water pot…

…and this is a cellular phone.

I know everything…

…except about myself.

I see.

And?

According to the materials that
remain, when you were …

…well, you are still …

…you seem to have been
involved in a serious accident.

Accident?

Such that medical technology back
then could not completely cure you…

I’m totally fine, as you can see…

Not a scratch on my body…

Wait, what do you mean,
“back then”?

That was years ago.

You have been in cold-sleep, or rather
cryogenically preserved, to this day.

And you were able to reawaken now that
you could get the treatment you needed.

Just like Sleeping Beauty.

You’re kidding, right?

I am being serious.

Then this is a dream…

No, it is definitely now.

And this isn’t a TV…

…but a washing machine.

And this isn’t a hot water pot…

…but an a*t*matic
face-washing machine.

And this is not a telephone,
but a thermometer.

You put this round segment
in your mouth…

Don’t mock me!

You just start saying stuff like that,
and you expect me to believe…

Body temperature: . degrees Celsius.
Pulse: . Blood pressure: / .

—Still low.
—Wait a minute!

Your memories end back when cellular
telephones still looked like this.

Then tell me!

What kind of accident?!
What was I like before then?!

Who am I?!

Calm down.
If you get excited, you…

What?! What is going to happen…

You’ll get sleepy.

Would you like one?

Hey!

Hey!!

Hey!!

W-Wait!

Miss Valentine!

Wait!

Don’t get near me!

What can you do by running away?!

Miss Valentine…

I can’t pay million…

It’s unreasonable for them to
choose to resuscitate me…

…and then expect me
to pay the debt.

I don’t even know
anything about myself…

What should I do?

We can take it slow about the debt.

I will help you.

Your memory might come
back to you someday.

If you keep living,
you might meet someone wonderful.

What… is this?

An ID.

This way, if you die,
or if you forget yourself…

…they will know who you
are and where you’re from.

And I don’t have that…

What?!

The collection agency!

The insurance company got impatient!

What are we going to do?!

At this rate, we’re both doomed.

You should get out of the car and run.

What about you?

We’ll meet up at the
Doctor’s place. All right?

Why are you helping me?

The prince must protect
his sleeping beauty.

We just went through the paperwork.

He told us to hand you all of his
assets if something happened to him…

If you give us a thumbprint here,
everything he owns will be yours.

Whitney…

You really cared for me…

Now, put your thumb here.

Why are the numbers all red?

Well, they say that debt is an asset…

Debt…

You have got to be kidding!

I was stupid back then,
now that I think about it.

I mean, he risked
his life to save me…

His debt was nothing compared to mine.

It really wasn’t that much…

You were there the whole time?

Your story was way too long.

You are a horrible woman.

I’m sure that guy is
weeping in the afterlife…

…now that you ran away
without paying the debt.

I can’t help it.
It’s not a sum that I can pay off.

Now you’re being defiant about it.

I’ve got some nerve, alright…
I’m much older than you are.

Your past is all lies.
What was that about Romani?

Did you make this story up, too?

It’s neither a lie, nor a fake.

I just don’t know the truth.

Like I can help it.

Welcome back!

This guy is known as
the “Madam k*ller.”

Well, he’s just a cheap
matrimonial fraud…

Sure doesn’t look like one.

Well, I can do a good job
even by myself.

Got that?

Whitney Hagas Matsumoto…

H-Hey… long time no see…

What kinda relationship do they have
that she wants to talk to him alone?

Apparently it’s a pretty
deep relationship.

An old guy of hers?

They were made for each other.

You seem very, very well,
Mister Lawyer.

Is it because I’m fat?
Isn’t that a biased opinion?

I demand an explanation.

I got a fat implant
after that accident.

Got a little incision around
the armpit, and had it squeezed in…

Not that!

It’s been three years?

You look healthy, I’m glad.

Yea, I’m sure you are.

Did you think that you completely
reinvented yourself by doing that?

I wanted to start over…

…start everything over…

And so you went with matrimonial fraud.

To think you’re a bounty hunter…
This must have been destined.

So everyone was in on it?

Back then, I couldn’t do anything else.
Because he sheltered me, the doctor…

Maybe it was better
to have been caught.

I couldn’t wish for anything more than
having you hand me over to the police.

You think it’s all right
to leave them alone?

You worried about her?

I just thought that she
might let him go.

Does she have that much
sympathy in her heart?

Women as insistent as her
tend to be the ones…

…who get emotionally
swayed by their exes.

Is that so?

Women don’t work on reason.

Welcome, visitors!

So are you the ones
that reported to us?

Yeah, I want to claim a bounty,

I see.

Miss Manley, prepare to rendezvous.

Yes, Inspector.

I’m glad I was able to
meet you one last time.

Take care…

I won’t hand you over to them!

It’s all right.

You really don’t have to mind me!

Are they ready to depart already?

Is she gonna let him go?

She might be letting him go.

—You wanna bet?
—We’re splitting it – .

Dammit, hurry up, Spike!

I’m trying!

I-It’s impossible…

…to get both of us in this!

I don’t care.

Breathe out some more! Exhale!

Hey, wait!

I’m not letting you have him!

She took the guy and not the money!

Jet captured him!

I have to repay my debt to him.

So I have the right to do what I want
with him, and the bounty on him!

Amazing. She clearly
states a pointless argument…

That’s what I told you.
Women don’t work on reason.

Get me off of this thing!

Are you gonna let him go?

We’ll see!

Visitor, thanks for coming!

Where are you going?

What are you going to do with me?

I want you to tell me the truth.

Why was I there?

Where does the truth end,
and where do the lies start?

What are you doing?!

If you’re not careful,
I’ll hit the pod.

I’m not going to be easy on you!

That’s my line!

You’re causing me a lot of trouble…

Who am I?

Do you really want to
know your own past?

Are you prepared for the consequences?

I am!

I see…

Wait a minute.

Well, I don’t really know myself.

You’re so…

Who you really are, where you are
from, and where you will go.

That is a question that every human
asks himself at least once in his life.

And who are you?

However, puberty is the only time you
need to worry about things like that.

Only bored individuals think such
thoughts after a certain age.

I’ve heard that voice before…

Can you see me?

Is that… the doctor and the nurse?

Seems… that way.

Didn’t you say something like
that doctor passed away?

No, no… I didn’t mean it that way…

You! How many lies do you have
to tell before you’re satisfied?!

Um… Er…

You were cryogenically,
preserved there.

That we are certain of.
I guarantee it.

What about my past?

Who in the world am I?

I gave you the name Valentine.

I named you after my favorite song.

As for everything else, all data was
lost back in that Gate accident.

So I don’t know who you are, or
why you were put in cold-sleep…

He wasn’t a cop?

The patrol ship over there.
State your department.

I repeat. The patrol ship over there.

State your department
and registration number.

Doctor… at this rate,
we will be apprehended.

It’s truly unfortunate, but it’s best
that we not meddle in this any longer.

Let’s give up.

So, farewell, Whitney,
Take care of yourself.

We’re sorry.

H-Hey, wait! Uncle! Uncle!

Uncle?

I’ll take my bounty here and now!

There ya go!

Good riddance.

I guess you’re getting paid back
for all the lies that you told.

There is one truth that I have spoken.

That I fell in love with
you while you were asleep…

…in love with a sleeping beauty.

No, just kidding!

I’m lying! It’s a lie!

Did you want me to
come back that badly?

You sure got a big mouth.

You were jealous.

You really are a heartless woman.

I guess I don’t know anything
about my past anymore…

Isn’t that something that
really doesn’t matter?

You think that way
because you have a past.

No matter the past,
you still have a future.

What’s this?

Your share… of the , on his head.

, ?

The smallest of the small fry.

It wasn’t , ?

I put an extra digit in there…

Aishiteta to nageku niwa…
Too much time has passed by…

…amarinimo toki wa sugite shimatta
…to lament that we were deeply in love.

Mada kokoro no hokorobi wo…
The wind keeps blowing, while my heart…

…iyasenu mama kaze ga fuiteru
…cannot heal all the tears in it.

Kawaita hitomi de dareka naite kure
Someone, cry for me with parched eyes.

The real folk blues.

Honto no kanashimi ga shiritai dake
I only want to know what true sadness is.

Doro no kawa ni tsukatta…
Sitting in muddy water…

…jinsei mo waruku wa nai…
…isn’t such a bad life…

…ichido kiri de owaru nara…
…if it ends after the first time…

COMING EPISODE

So, the next episode
of Cowboy Bebop…

…I admit, is really
heavy and depressing.

The only people that show up
are well-aged, musty men.

I hate to say this,
but it is rather lackluster.

Children shouldn’t watch it.

Ladies should avoid it, too.

And to top it off, it’s better
for young guys to not watch either.

Next episode: “Black Dog Serenade”.

Just to all the old guys…
make sure you watch it.

BLACK DOG SERENADE
Just to all the old guys…
make sure you watch it.