05x14 - Odds or Evens

[bunniefuu]

Kada: Odds or evens...?

Kamui: I'll go with evens.

Kada: Odds...

Kamui: Oops.

Kamui: I lost.

Abuto: Tragic.

Abuto: The captain of the Harusame's th Squad

Abuto: was once considered a lone flower in the darkness,

Abuto: but after losing out in a grab for power,

Abuto: she stole money from the group and disappeared.

Abuto: I never expected her to come back like this.

Kamui: No kidding.

Kamui: I never expected you to be a sucker for a vixen like her.

Abuto: Kids wouldn't understand.

Abuto: We live in an age where everything

fits in the palm of your hand.

Abuto: But you want a woman who isn't so easy to hold on to.

Kamui: Like a DS?

Abuto: She's more like a Genesis.

Kamui: I see.

Kamui: No wonder it was so hard to find her.

Kamui: We're talking about your beloved Genesis here.

Kamui: But it looks like she couldn't fit in down there either.

Kamui: She gambled and lost.

Kamui: And so did you.

Abuto: Hey!

Abuto: Don't jump to conclusions.

Abuto: I'm not like a certain stupid captain.

Abuto: I don't let my emotions get in the way of my work.

Kamui: Yeah, yeah.

Abuto: Besides, she changed her face

and name when she escaped to Earth.

Abuto: How was I supposed to recognize her?

Kamui: Yeah, yeah.

Abuto: And I'm a Nintendo fan, not a Sega fan!

Abuto: You listening?!

Kamui: Oh well.

Kamui: I was interested in seeing the

exalted team work of the Shinra,

Kamui: but they were just a bunch of grunts

who stood no chance one-on-one against a Yato.

Kamui: Wouldn't be much of a fight.

Kamui: Anyway, they stole my glory again.

Kamui: We should go show our gratitude.

Kamui: To the samurai.

Odds or Evens

Kamui: Shinsuke Takasugi?

Aho: You haven't heard of him?

Aho: He signed a pact with us.

Aho: He's the leader of the mercenary group known as the Kiheitai.

Kamui: Are they from Earth?

Aho: They're samurai, I think.

Aho: The remnants of those savages

who resisted until the very end

Aho: when we opened up their land.

Kamui: Admiral Assho--

Kamui: I mean, Admiral Abo.

He must be very special for you to remember his name.

Aho: He only cooperates with us

when our interests happen to coincide,

Aho: but he can be very useful.

Aho: You could consider them the Harusame's enforcers on Earth.

Aho: They were responsible for hunting down that vixen.

Kamui: Oh, really?

Aho: However, there is one issue that concerns me.

Aho: I've heard that they are actually

Aho: a t*rror1st group which seeks to

unseat the government of Edo.

Aho: But when we struck a deal

with the central ward which

allowed us to sneak into Edo,

Aho: they offered to draw the government's trained dogs

away from us.

Aho: Do you know why?

Kamui: That's easy.

Kamui: Each side is using the other,

Kamui: so they're using the Harusame

Kamui: to get close to the Bakufu and

take down the central ward.

Aho: What?! Really?!

Aho: I mean, you're absolutely right!

Aho: They're plotting terrible things!

Aho: Yes, I knew all along!

Aho: S-So that's how it was...

Aho: Damn!

Kamui: We finally obtained the right to

strip Earth of its valuable resources.

Kamui: If they succeed, we'll lose all our business there.

Kamui: Well, I doubt that Takasugi person

stands a chance against the Tendo or the elders,

Kamui: but he can probably crush our forces.

Aho: I-If that happens, the elders will have my hide!

Kamui: That's true.

Kamui: Well, do the best you can.

Kamui: Thanks for the food!

Aho: W-Wait, Kamui!

Aho: Why do you think I summoned you here?!

Kamui: For a free meal?

Aho: No!

Aho: The th Squad is responsible for cleaning up our messes!

Kamui: So what do you want me to do?

Aho: Dispose of the tools that we no longer need.

Koro: Good grief.

Koro: Strong words, coming from a tool that never had any use but as a decoration.

Koro: This place would be much more

comfortable if we disposed of that pig.

Kamui: Aren't you both four-legged creatures?

Kamui: Can't you get along, Captain Koro?

Koro: Kamui...

Koro: You have the backing of

the captains of the twelve squads.

Koro: We're ready to throw our support

behind you at a moment's notice.

Koro: Admiral assh*le is just a puppet for the elders.

Koro: All he cares about is his own safety.

Koro: I wanna work for someone who will let me run wild.

Abuto: Then why don't you take control, Koro?

Koro: I can't lead.

Koro: I just want to go crazy and not have to think.

Abuto: You sound just like our boss.

Koro: Besides, I have an eyepatch over one eye

Koro: and a hook instead of a hand.

Koro: I'm not captain material.

Abuto: No, you're the spitting image of a captain.

Abuto: You're clearly gunning to be the captain.

Koro: Anyway, I'm willing to lend you a hand.

Koro: If you're gonna take down that Takasugi fool, count me in.

Kamui: Don't interfere.

Kamui: I finally found myself another samurai.

Kamui: Abuto, isolate Takasugi from his minions.

Kamui: Take the fleet and wipe out his men.

Kamui: Captain Koro, you're free to help out there.

Abuto: Here we go again...

Kamui: Sorry, but I won't let anyone ruin my fun.

Matako: I can't stand space.

Matako: It's so dark everywhere.

Matako: Can't tell if we're moving forward or backward.

Matako: Lord Shinsuke, are we moving forward right now?

Matako: Sorry about sounding so whiny.

Matako: I've been getting worried.

Takasugi: Doesn't matter which way we're going.

Takasugi: If you get lost,

Takasugi: just follow my lead.

Takasugi: Whether you're deep underground or far above the clouds,

Takasugi: I promise to take you to our goal.

Takasugi: There's no need to worry

Takasugi: as long as you believe in me.

Matako: L-Lord Shinsuke!

Matako: I... I'll follow you to hell and back!

Takasugi: We share the same goal.

Takasugi: Let us march on.

Takasugi: Now sign this petition.

Takasugi: We oppose the

Greater Edo Ordinance Regarding the Healthy Development of Youths!

Takasugi: Before you try to regulate free speech,

you should learn to regulate your own heart!

Takasugi: Pedophilia predates manga and anime!

Takasugi: Is it not our goal to foster a culture of acceptance?!

Takasugi: Incidentally, I'm not a pedophile. I'm a feminist.

Matako: Bansai-senpai.

Matako: Where's Lord Shinsuke?

Bansai: He stayed behind on the mothership

Bansai: because the admiral needed him for something.

Bansai: We're supposed to return to Edo without him.

Matako: Needed him for what?

Bansai: Well, I haven't the slightest idea.

Matako: I have a bad feeling about this.

Matako: Was it a mistake to join forces with the Harusame?

Bansai: Why are you saying this now?

Bansai: We will defeat the Bakufu and rebuild the world.

Bansai: Didn't you agree to the plan?

Matako: But we're out of our league...

Matako: The Kiheitai aren't on the same level as a

galactic crime syndicate.

Matako: Soon enough, we'll become their pawns.

Matako: The way things stand,

we've sunken to the level of the

Amanto-ass-kissing Bakufu.

Matako: Besides, now that the Bakufu and Harusame

are working together,

Matako: we've become a liability.

Matako: What if Lord Shinsuke is...

Bansai: So in other words, you're worried about Shinsuke?

Bansai: Don't worry.

Bansai: That man won't fall before the Bakufu does.

Bansai: Did you forget the promise he made?

Takasugi: I'll simply destroy...

Takasugi: ...the Greater Edo Ordinance Regarding the Healthy Development of Youths!

Matako: Don't mess up my memories!

Matako: Die!

Matako: We'll destroy you first!

A: Master Bansai!

A: There's a Harusame fleet ahead of us!

Bansai: What? Do they truly intend to eliminate us?!

Matako: L-Lord Shinsuke!

Kamui: Hey.

Kamui: So we meet again.

Kamui: Sorry about cutting straight to the chase,

Kamui: but either way, you're going to be surprised when I say this.

Kamui: Please die.

Takasugi: That's not much of a surprise.

Takasugi: It was obvious from the moment I first saw you.

Kamui: You're sharp.

Kamui: You see, I've been dying to fight a samurai

from the moment I first saw one.

Kamui: And you kind of smell the same

as that other samurai.

Takasugi: What a coincidence.

Takasugi: I've been dying to k*ll that stupid samurai

with the silver hair.

Kamui: You must have super powers or something.

Kamui: Is there a secret behind that left eye of yours?

Koro: Kamui!

Kamui: I told you not to interfere.

Koro: I won't interfere.

Kamui: Huh?

Koro: Kamui, we're here to k*ll you.

Abuto: Did I miss a message or something?

Abuto: Nobody ever mentioned that

we were up against such a big family.

Aho: You Yato are too dangerous.

Aho: A blade that's too sharp will attract many foes, Kamui.

Kamui: You got me good.

Kamui: Never expected Admiral assh*le to pull a fast one on me.

Takasugi: I'll k*ll that idiot for you.

Takasugi: So feel free to rest in peace.

A: Vice-captain!

A: There's a Harusame fleet behind the Kiheitai!

A: It's Captain Koro's th Squad,

A: along with the admiral's personal fleet!

Abuto: Looks like we were tricked.

Bansai: Wh-What's going on?

Matako: The Harusame are fighting each other?

Takechi: There's no need to worry, folks.

Takechi: Everything is going according to plan.

Matako: Takechi-senpai...

Takechi: That is the Harusame's th Squad.

Takechi: The strongest Harusame force, drawn from

the elite ranks of the Yato, the warrior tribe.

Takechi: Their leader, the brilliant Lord Kamui,

is more highly regarded than the admiral now.

Takechi: The squad captains are looking to overthrow the admiral

Takechi: and name Lord Kamui as their leader.

Bansai: So by that reasoning,

Bansai: that fool of an admiral

intends to eliminate the th Squad,

which threatens his position?

Takechi: Exactly.

Takechi: We were used as bait to isolate and crush the th Squad,

the strongest of them all.

Matako: So we're being used by the Harusame again?

Takechi: It's easier for us to take advantage

of that useless admiral.

Bansai: But still...

Bansai: Destroying your own fangs to hold onto your position...

Bansai: There are always more fools

when an organization begins to grow.

Aho: Friend Takasugi, that was an excellent job!

Aho: There are no longer any rogue elements to oppose me!

Aho: You also performed admirably, Koro.

Koro: No, Admiral Assho...

Admiral Abo.

Koro: I was simply performing my duty as one of

the squad captains.

Koro: Now that Kamui has been made an example of,

Koro: the captains who supported Kamui will come

to their senses and swear fealty to you.

Takasugi: It was kind of a waste.

Aho: Hm?

Takasugi: That kid took enough poison to

instantly leave an elephant incapacitated,

Takasugi: but he was able to fend off my blade

Takasugi: while smiling the entire time.

Takasugi: And he managed to k*ll off

twenty or so of your men, despite his injuries.

Takasugi: I have a feeling that his absence

will be far more damaging

Takasugi: than what he did to your men.

Aho: It doesn't matter.

Aho: Your Kiheitai can fill the void he's left behind.

Takasugi: Sorry, but I'll pass.

Takasugi: It's better to be the head of a cat than the tail of a lion.

Takasugi: I'd rather be a bandit chief than a pirate or bigwig.

Takasugi: Besides, I'm not giving up the Kiheitai name.

Aho: Allow me to compensate you...

Takasugi: I don't need anything.

Takasugi: Let's keep it simple, just like before.

Koro: Be careful.

Koro: He's harder to read than Kamui was.

Aho: I know.

Aho: No more fooling around.

Kada: Odds or evens, odds or evens...?

Takasugi: Odds.

Kada: Too bad...

Kada: Evens...

Kamui: Oops, now it's your turn to die.

Kamui: That gambler's cursed.

Kamui: If you lose, you run out of luck.

Kamui: I lost, so I know what I'm talking about.

Takasugi: Coming from a monster who doesn't die when k*lled...

Kamui: They patched me up and spared my life

Kamui: so I could be ex*cuted in front of the others, right?

Kamui: When's the big day?

Takasugi: In three days.

Kamui: Three days...

Kamui: I wonder which one of us will die first.

Kamui: I'm sure you've figured it out already.

Kamui: The people here only care about themselves.

Kamui: Doesn't matter how hard you work.

Kamui: They'll just abuse you as much as they can

Kamui: before they get rid of you.

Takasugi: True.

Takasugi: I would prefer to be used by someone

who isn't so pathetic.

Takasugi: Those sharp fangs of yours will only rot in this place.

Kamui: Why did you come here?

Takasugi: I'm the same as you.

Takasugi: Searching for a place to use my sharpened fangs.

Takasugi: But this leaky boat won't take me anywhere.

Takasugi: I'd rather hitch a ride on your ship.

Takasugi: See ya, space fighter.

B: I don't see how the admiral took out the th Squad...

B: Did he have help from the elders?

A: No, I heard that the idea came from Takasugi of the Kiheitai.

B: It's a sad story.

B: Those guys worked their asses off for the Harusame.

A: Nobody's doing jack for the sake of the Harusame.

A: If someone is in the way, you eliminate them.

A: That's how it goes in the Harusame.

Aho: Men, take a long, hard look!

Aho: This is what happens to those who defy my authority!

Aho: When you cross me, you cross the elders!

Aho: When you cross the elders, you cross the Harusame!

Aho: When there is no order,

a battle-hardened army will be reduced to a headless mob!

C: How can he say that crap with a straight face?

Aho: Kamui, do you have any last words?

Kamui: Can I say something real quick?

Aho: Yes.

Kamui: Admiral assh*le!

Aho: k*ll him! k*ll him now!

Takasugi: Hold on, Admiral Assho--

Takasugi: Admiral Abo.

Takasugi: Will you allow me to k*ll him?

Aho: Huh?

Takasugi: Unfortunately, I never had the chance to fight him one-on-one,

Takasugi: but I can at least serve as the executioner.

Koro: On my signal, jump Takasugi.

Takasugi: Our luck ran out when I got on this leaky boat.

Kamui: You're saying that we share the same fight, Earth fighter?

Takasugi: Who knows?

Takasugi: All I know is that neither of us will be doing any sightseeing.

Kamui: Sure we will.

Kamui: Down in hell.

Takasugi: You bet.

Takasugi: Have a nice nap in hell,

Takasugi: leaky boat crew.

Aho: Wh-What?!

Kamui: I told you so.

Kamui: That gambler's cursed.

Kamui: I wanted to see which one of us would die first,

Kamui: but you're trying to get us k*lled together?

Takasugi: It's more fun to dance

with a batshit crazy idiot than a plain old idiot.

Kamui: Samurai are a blast.

Aho: Takasugi!

Aho: You're nothing more than tools that are no longer needed!

Aho: I'll turn you into spacedust!

Takasugi: You're the one who's no longer needed.

Takasugi: Didn't you hear me?

Takasugi: I'm the executioner here,

Takasugi: the only executioner needed in this place.

Takasugi: Off with your heads.

Matako: Lord Shinsuke!

Matako: This is how the Joi do it!

Matako: I'll follow you to hell and back!

Takechi: Are you insane?!

Takechi: You believe that we stand a chance against the Harusame?

Takechi: We should be focusing our resources

Takechi: on the Greater Edo Ordinance Reg...

Bansai: You'd have to be insane...

Bansai: ...to pick a fight with the rest of the world!

Aho: Accursed monkeys!

Aho: What are you doing?!

Aho: Crush them!

Koro: What?!

Abuto: Oh?

Abuto: I rowed out here because I was worried,

Abuto: but you're looking better than usual.

Abuto: Blockhead.

Aho: The th Squad!

Aho: Impossible!

Aho: Why are they alive?!

Koro: Admiral!

Koro: Bad news!

Koro: Now that the th Squad is back,

Koro: the other squads are beginning to side with them!

Koro: Th-The tables have been reversed.

Koro: Huh?

Koro: Admiral!

Aho: C-Curse you, Kamui, Takasugi!

Aho: You won't get away with this!

Koro: A-Admiral!

Koro: Why are you running away by yourself?!

Koro: Take me with you, Admiral assh*le!

Aho: Ah! You finally said it!

Aho: I kept pretending that I didn't hear you, but you finally said it to my face!

Aho: You're a dead man!

Aho: Get this ship moving!

Aho: What are you doing?!

Koro: Shut up!

Koro: My men always do the work, so I have no idea what to do!

Aho: Don't you have a hook on your hand?!

Aho: You're supposed to be a captain!

Koro: You're supposed to be an admiral!

Koro: Huh?

Koro: H-Hey!

Koro: What's that?!

Aho: Ka-Kamui!

Kamui: It's not Kamui, Admiral assh*le.

Kamui: Starting today,

Kamui: I'm Admiral Nincompoop.

Kamui: I owe you big now.

Kamui: Oh well.

Kamui: Guess I'll have to put off our fight for a while.

Kamui: Besides, I'm looking forward to touring hell with you.

Kamui: Now, where do we start?

Kamui: I'm guessing the planet of samurai?

Kada: Odds or evens, odds or evens...?

Takasugi: Evens.

Kada: Too bad...

Kada: Odds...

Next Episode I Can't Remember a Damn Thing About the Factory Tour

Gin: Next time:

Gin: I can't remember a damn thing about the factory tour.