05x16 - What Happens Twice Can Happen Thrice

[bunniefuu]

Greater Edo Pool

Gin: Okay, time for a break!

Gin: Your lips must have turned purple by now.

Gin: Get out of the water for ten minutes, you stupid kids.

A: What? I'm fine!

B: Leave us alone, lifeguard guy!

Gin: Have it your way.

Gin: But if you don't play it safe in the pool, you'll be sorry.

Gin: Don't come crying to me then.

A: You can't scare us!

B: Hey, let's play tag!

Gin: What's wrong?!

Kagura: Lifeguard guy!

Kagura: My friend needs help!

Kagura: His lips started to turn purple,

Kagura: but then it spread

Kagura: until his entire body was purple!

Gin: You idiot!

Gin: I warned you!

Gin: Luckily, the purple germs

haven't spread to his glasses!

Gin: Find a warm blanket, some warm soup,

a warm household, and warm glasses at once!

Gin: Come back, Ishikawa!

Kid: The purple germs will get us!

Gin: Now you know how scary the pool is...

Madao: What are you people doing?!

Madao: I told you to make sure none of the customers drowned in fear!

Madao: Why are you scaring them away?!

Gin: Hasegawa-san, the pool is a death trap.

Gin: These kids need to experience the pain

of getting water up your nose, the infections,

Gin: and the embarrassment of leaving dirty

underwear where everyone can see.

Gin: Once they realize how scary the pool is,

they've earned the right to play in the water.

Madao: They don't need to be scared of turning completely purple!

Madao: Seriously! I finally found a job,

so don't screw this up for me!

Madao: No funny business!

Madao: Watch over the kids as they enjoy their summer,

Madao: and make sure that they make it home safely!

Madao: That's the job of a lifeguard!

Got it?!

Both: Aye aye, sir!

Madao: You don't get to have fun!

Madao: Four Eyes!

You haven't been playing the straight man!

Madao: Do your job, damn it!

Gin: Don't worry.

Gin: They're checking to see if the water is safe.

Gin: I'll be using inception to...

Madao: You just want to take a nap, Idicapriot!

Gin: Hey, give me a break.

Gin: I'm sick of watching kids with

bodies that are as flat as Ken Watanabe.

Gin: I'm here to see girls with some jugs.

Madao: It's summer vacation, so it's mostly kids...

Madao: Whoa, momma. Jackpot!

Gin: Whoo! You're right! She's got jugs!

Gin: Giant jugs!

Gin: Nope...

Gin: It's just a drunk terminator.

Seita: Oh! Gin-san!

Seita: Long time no see!

Madao: Huh? What?

Madao: You know this hot babe?

Tsukuyo: What a coincidence.

Tsukuyo: How have you been?

Madao: Oh, he was doing fine a moment ago,

Madao: but he just died.

Gin: Why are you guys here?

Tsukuyo: Hinowa asked me to teach Seita how to swim.

Tsukuyo: Anyway, I didn't know what to expect from a pool,

Tsukuyo: but it seems to be just like Yoshiwara.

Tsukuyo: Men and women enjoying themselves

without any clothes on.

Madao: No, you're wrong!

Madao: That's not what this place is for!

Seita: Tsukuyo-nee!

Seita: I wanna go down the slide!

Tsukuyo: Wait. First, you learn how to swim.

Madao: That's right.

Madao: The slide is too dangerous for someone who can't swim,

so start with the kiddie pool...

Tsukuyo: First, you pour this over your body.

Madao: That would be for an adult pool!

Tsukuyo: Next, you sit down on this stool and spread your legs.

Madao: Hey!

Madao: What the hell are you teaching him?!

Madao: This isn't a Yoshiwara pool!

Tsukuyo: Let's go then.

Madao: Wait!

Madao: We're going too fast because of the lotion!

Madao: Run away, everyone!

Seita: That was awesome, Tsukuyo-nee!

Seita: Again! Again!

Tsukuyo: One more time and that's it.

Madao: W-Wait...

C: Look! There's a body floating on the water!

Madao: Shit! Did someone get hit?!

Madao: There's been an accident on my watch!

Zura: Elizabeth! The watermelon's nice and cold now!

Zura: Let's split it open...

Madao: We're losing customers because of those idiots.

Madao: We have to keep an eye on the kids,

and any adults who might teach the kids strange games.

Gin: Good, I have an excuse to look around for girls with jugs.

Madao: The most dangerous adult is standing right next to me, I think.

Madao: What?!

Madao: An adult in the kiddie pool teaching a kid how to swim!

Madao: Adults aren't allowed in there!

Gin: What?! She's got big jugs?!

Madao: No, I'd call those tasteful cups.

Gin: She's wearing a cup?

Gin: Oh, that's what you meant.

Madao: Hey, wait a moment!

Madao: The kid is...

Madao: Is she really a kid?

Madao: She's pretty big.

Madao: I think she's taller than the beanpole with cups.

Gin: Kids these days get plenty to eat,

so they grow vertically.

Gin: Look, it's Robert De Flato.

Madao: Isn't that a man?

Madao: That's the body of a boy.

Gin: Huh?

Gin: It suddenly got dark.

Madao: Same here.

Otae: Who were you calling Robert De Flato?

Gin: M-My mistake...

Madao: You must be Sylvester Stallone.

Can I have an autograph?

Otae: Are you blind?!

Gin: I-I see...

Gin: Tasteful cups on a beanpole...

Kyu: This is why I didn't want to come!

Kyu: I hate swimsuits! I hate the pool!

Otae: Kyu-chan!

Otae: The hell are you bastards doing?!

Otae: Do you want me to strangle you?!

Gin: You've got it wrong!

Gin: We were doing our job as lifeguards!

Otae: Zip it!

Otae: Your noses are bleeding, you pervs!

Gin: Our noses?!

Gin: We're bleeding everywhere, thanks to you two!

Gin: Anyway, this is the kiddie pool!

Gin: Adults aren't allowed in here!

Otae: Don't blame us!

Otae: Kyu-chan can't swim, so she was practicing here!

Otae: Sorry, Kyu-chan.

Otae: It's my fault for forcing you to come here...

Gin: Kyu-chan looks pretty happy!

Gin: She's taking full advantage of the situation!

Otae: Enough is enough!

Otae: We're turning you in to the police!

Otae: That's the quickest solution!

Gin: This is all a misunderstanding!

Kondo: Otae-san!

Kondo: Allow me to handle this!

Kondo: I have proof of their crime on tape!

Kondo: I'll arrest them on the spot!

Otae: Arrest yourself!

Tojo: Lady!

Tojo: I have filmed the evildoings of that cop!

Tojo: The stalker is finished!

Tojo: Our plan is a success!

Kyu: I was never part of any plan!

Sa: I did it, Gin-san!

Sa: I finally got a shot of your willy peeking out!

Gin: You have nothing to do with what's going on here!

A: Blood! Blood's coming from the other pool!

Madao: The customers are running away again!

Madao: Wait!

C: Hey! There's also someone bleeding over there!

Madao: Hey! Hold on!

Madao: I don't believe this!

Madao: Somebody's died on my watch!

Katsura: Got it!

Katsura: Elizabeth, start the fire!

Katsura: We'll feast like kings tonight!

Shin: That's such a blast!

Seita: I know!

Seita: Tsukuyo-nee! Again! Just one more time!

Madao: Only the idiots are left now.

Madao: This is the busiest time of the year.

Gin: Look at it this way, Hasegawa-san.

Gin: An accident was bound to happen

with these idiots around.

Gin: You should be glad that those kids are gone.

Gin: Fortunately, these guys can take a beating,

so we can just leave them alone.

Gin: Let's get some rest today.

Madao: I see. You're right.

Madao: If Jump can go on summer vacation, why can't we?!

Gin: That's right!

Gin: The only people who watch this show

Gin: are the ones who don't feel like watching the news!

Gin: Nobody will notice if we take a week off!

Madao: Damn!

Madao: You've got me all fired up now!

Madao: Can I take off my clothes?!

Madao: Can I do the butterfly butt naked?!

Gin: Can I make a pool of strawberry milk?!

Gin: Can I drown in a pool of strawberry milk?!

Madao: Doesn't matter! Doesn't matter!

Madao: Cause today, this place...

Both: ...is our paradise!

Matsu: Hey.

Matsu: Didn't you hear me talking to you, kiddo?

Matsu: Let me borrow some swimming trunks.

Gin: Th-That's...

Matsu: Man, my buddy suddenly got the urge to swim.

Matsu: A cabaret club would be better, damn it.

Matsu: So, we don't have our swimsuits since

this came out of nowhere.

Matsu: A pool like this should have plenty to rent.

Matsu: If not, you've got three seconds to take off your trunks!

Matsu: One!

Shogun: Katakuriko, no v*olence.

Shogun: There's no need to worry.

Gin: Th-That's...

Gin: Don't tell me that's...!

Shogun: Shoguns have traditionally gone swimming in tighty whities.

Both: The... The...

Both: Shogun?!

What Happens Twice Can Happen Thrice

Greater Edo Pool

Matsu: Come on, are you sure?

Matsu: Everyone will be able to see through

those tighty whities once they're wet.

Matsu: We'll have an Abarenbo Shogun

on the loose before it's Saturday night.

Shogun: It cannot be avoided.

Shogun: Shoguns have traditionally been lonely down there.

Both: I-Is that really the problem here?

Shogun: I've always been interested in swimming in a pool.

Shogun: This is an excellent opportunity for me to experience

the life of a common citizen.

Matsu: Man, you've got weird interests.

Matsu: I'll be waiting at the usual cabaret club.

Matsu: Hey, boys.

Matsu: Teach him how to have fun at the pool.

Matsu: Just so you know, we snuck out.

Matsu: Don't let anyone find out that he's the shogun.

Matsu: Oh, if anything happens to him,

our heads will be rolling around the ground.

Matsu: Keep that in mind.

Both: W-Wait a moment!

Shogun: Call me Sho-chan.

Shogun: Let's enjoy ourselves.

Gin: I-I was all ready to enjoy having the pool to myself!

Gin: Why did the shogun have to show up now?!

Gin: Why does the shogun always show up at the worst possible time?!

Disinfection

Gin: Why is he only washing himself down there?!

Gin: This isn't funny.

Gin: We aren't dealing with a normal pool here!

Gin: The idiots of Edo are all

on vacation here at the same time...

Gin: This is the Bermuda Triangle of Idiots!

Shogun: They seem to be enjoying themselves.

Shogun: I would like to join them.

Gin: Sending the shogun out there

Gin: would be like throwing a

naked MatsuKen with maracas to the sharks!

Madao: Wh-What do we do, Gin-san?!

Gin: It's too late to worry about it now.

Gin: We'll have to keep those idiots in line,

Gin: while entertaining the shogun until he leaves!

Gin: Give the shogun a cap and goggles

so they don't recognize him!

Gin: Uh, excuse me, everyone?

Kagura: What's up?

Kagura: Do you want to join us?

Gin: Uh, well...

Gin: There's this Sho-chan person...

Gin: He wants to join in the fun.

Otae: We don't mind at all.

Kondo: Alrighty then. Let's welcome him aboard, Otae-san.

Sa: I think it's cute.

Sa: Some kids don't know how to make friends.

Tojo: Come on down, Sho-chan!

Tojo: I already consider you a friend!

Tojo: But you aren't allowed to talk to the Lady!

Gin: Yeah, you people shouldn't be talking.

Tsukuyo: It's fine with us,

Tsukuyo: but isn't he in his underwear instead of a swimsuit?

Kyu: Good point.

Kyu: Isn't that against the rules?

Kyu: He's making me uncomfortable.

Sa: There isn't much of a difference

between underwear and a swimsuit.

Sa: th and th shouldn't be so stingy!

Shin: Are you people ever going to get over that?

Kagura: They're different!

Kagura: Underwear is dirty because you wear it for a long time!

Gin: No, it's okay.

Gin: His underwear is clean

Gin: since he comes from a pretty high-class background.

Otae: I can see something on his underwear.

Gin: Huh? What?

Gin: Stop!

Gin: He'll hear you, so stop!

Kondo: She's right!

Kondo: The tip is a little moist.

Gin: I said to stop!

Gin: That's just the disinfectant!

Otae: Are you sure about that?

Otae: We should check the other side.

Otae: Excuse me!

Otae: Could you turn around?

Gin: There isn't any poop on his underwear!

Madao: Ah! Wait!

Gin: You idiots!

Gin: What do we do now?!

Otae: Since he left, he must have had poop on his underwear.

Otae: Close call...

Sa: How frightening...

Tsukuyo: Wait a moment.

Tsukuyo: He's back.

Seita: Oh, he's wearing swim trunks.

Tojo: Well, so he brought a swimsuit.

Shin: Huh?

Shin: Did he just trade with Hasegawa-san?

Gin: Who cares?! He's wearing a swimsuit now!

Kagura: But there's a % chance that

Madao's trunks are dirtier than a pair of underwear.

Gin: What's that supposed to mean?!

Otae: Kagura-chan, you've got it wrong.

Gin: She's out of control, right?!

Otae: There's a % chance that Hasegawa-san's are dirtier.

Gin: How cruel can you get?!

Otae: Besides, there's something on Hasegawa-san's trunks.

Kondo: She's right!

Kondo: The tip is a little moist!

Gin: Hey! Why do you keep getting your pants wet, Sho-chan?!

Tojo: What's wrong with that man?!

Tojo: How many times will he release his load before he's satisfied?!

Gin: Don't make it sound dirty!

Sa: Stay out!

Sa: I don't want to become pregnant with a child that isn't Gin-san's!

Gin: Stop!

Gin: He's a naive child, so stop!

Madao: Uh... Let's introduce him again.

Gin: This is Sho-chan...

Gin: Everyone be nice now.

Otae: Um...

Otae: Don't let him off the boat.

Kagura: Make sure he doesn't touch the water.

Madao: A-Are you sure about this?

Madao: The shogun wants to be friends,

but they won't even let him in the water.

Madao: The shogun hasn't even touched the water,

and his goggles are soaked!

Madao: This is bad! He's really mad!

We're dead! They'll cut off our heads!

Gin: Calm down.

Gin: We just have to give him a summer experience that he'll never forget.

Gin: What does summer make you think of?

Gin: What does the pool make you think of?

Gin: What do swimsuits make you think of?

Madao: You can't mean...!

Gin: Okay, we have enough people now, so let's get started!

Gin: The Exciting Underwater Cavalry Battle for Samurai!

Madao: N-Nipslips!

Madao: Women grabbing at each other in the water!

Madao: With heaving bosoms!

Madao: Gin-san, this will work!

Madao: We can turn the shogun's tears of sorrow into tears of joy!

Gin: Okay, break up into pairs.

Gin: One person will be the rider on the boat!

Gin: The other will be the horse who pulls the boat!

Gin: If the rider falls off the boat

or loses his headband, you lose!

Gin: Well, things other than the headband may also be pulled off

in the process...

Seita: Let's play! Let's play! Let's play!

Kondo: Boat! Bring me a boat!

Madao: They caught on.

Madao: You're good, Gin-san.

Madao: You've convinced the guys

to help us without realizing what's going on!

Gin: Why would...?

Gin: Why are the guys on the boats?!

Gin: We can already see your nipples!

Gin: These guys are so desperate to see skin

Gin: that they haven't realized how it's impossible with this set up!

Sa: I can be Gin-san's horse!

Sa: Gin-san's gonna ride me!

Gin: I have no idea what she's even trying to do!

Gin: Hey, enough of this crap!

Gin: Hasegawa-san's about to turn into a castaway!

Gin: Use your head before you pair up.

Gin: The stronger partner should be the horse!

Kagura: That's what we did.

Gin: She's right!

Gin: The girls are all stronger here!

Otae: You were probably planning something dirty.

Otae: I could see right through you.

Gin: Nobody wants to see your crater of a chest!

Gin: We're not on the moon!

Kondo: Otae-san! I'm prepared to explore every crater on you...

Kondo: ...to find the nipple!

Otae: You want me to strangle you?!

Tsukuyo: Don't play dumb.

Tsukuyo: It's written all over your faces.

Seita: Where?!

Seita: We weren't going to do anything dirty!

Seita: Right, Gin-san?!

Gin: Yeah.

Gin: Nobody was thinking about anything dirty.

Gin: The Shogun was?!

Gin: Uh, excuse me, Sho-chan?

Gin: You're getting carried away with the fantasizing...

Gin: You're giving away the plan...

Shogun: Shoguns have traditionally been

too excited to go to sleep the night before a field trip.

Gin: I don't care!

Gin: Could you go to sleep right now?!

Gin: Okay! We'll use rock, paper, scissors!

Gin: The winner decides if he wants to be the rider or the horse!

Gin: And the loser has to dive from the highest spot!

Tsukuyo: How is that related to the cavalry battle?

Gin: Who cares?! It's more fun when there's a penalty!

Gin: Heh, a dive from that height is

guaranteed to shift a girl's swimsuit.

Gin: If we don't get a nipslip, we'll at least get to see some camel toe!

All: Rock, paper, scissors!

Gin: You girls better get ready to show some skin!

Gin: It's the Shogun?!

Gin: Hey, Sho-chan.

Gin: Don't you realize who I'm doing this for?!

Shogun: Shoguns have traditionally worn tighty whities,

but the thong is not bad at all.

Gin: Why are you picking up weird urges?!

Tsukuyo: Hey, how is this fun?

Tsukuyo: We're looking at an old man with a wedgie.

Gin: Shut up!

Gin: You'll never see a more noble wedgie in your lifetime!

Otae: You were probably planning something dirty again.

Otae: I can see right through you.

Gin: Nobody wants to see your camel toe!

Gin: I'm not Lawrence of Arabia!

Kondo: Otae-san! I have no interest in camel toe!

Otae: You don't?!

Kyu: Don't play dumb.

Kyu: The jig is up.

Tojo: I would never dare!

Tojo: We had pure intentions!

Tojo: Isn't that right, Gintoki-dono?

Kyu: How do you explain that then?

SS Adventurer

Departure!

Gin: The SS Adventurer?!

SS Adventurer

Kyu: You were going to use him to trick us

into embarking on a dangerous adventure.

Gin: Why would this image

make you want to go on an adventure?!

Gin: He's clearly a victim!

Kyu: That hole was asking for a flag to be planted.

Kyu: What a naughty trap...

Gin: You people are the naughty ones when

you're planting flags down there!

Gin: Sho-chan!

Shogun: SS Adventurers have traditionally

been boats for carrying adventurers...

Gin: Get a hold of yourself!

Gin: You're not the SS Adventurer!

Gin: You're the almighty shogun!

Kagura: If you're so desperate for nipslips and camel toe,

you should change the rules.

Gin: Huh?

Kagura: Cut straight to the chase.

Kagura: If your naughty parts are exposed, you lose.

Kagura: How's that?

Otae: I like it.

Kyubei: A brilliant idea.

Tsukuyo: All the skin you could ever want.

Tsukuyo: Isn't that nice?

Gin: Hold it right there!

Gin: It's painfully obvious that this is going to end badly!

Girls: Okay, let's start!

Gin: Hey! Who said you could start?!

Gin: This isn't funny!

Gin: I can't let the shogun embarrass himself again!

Tojo: You won't escape!

Tojo: Lady! Are you watching my heroics?!

Gin: Hey! Stop screwing around!

Gin: You're crushing Sho-chan's crotch!

Gin: This is bad!

Gin: It's gonna snap! It's gonna snap!

Gin: Pull up! Pull up your underwear, Sho-chan!

Gin: Too much!

Gin: Didn't he lose already?!

Gin: If not, he's certainly lost the little dignity he had left!

Gin: Hey! Enough already! Stop it!

Seita: Let go, Shin-nii!

Seita: His underwear is mine!

Gin: What are these people doing?!

Shin: I won't let anyone, not even a friend, take this from me!

Gin: Why are you fighting to the death over a guy's underwear?!

Kondo: I won't lose!

Kondo: This is for Otae-san...

All: For the girls and their dreams of seeing male skin!

Gin: They don't give a damn about you!

Gin: They're busy playing beach volleyball!

Gin: Hell, he's not wearing that underwear anymore!

Gin: It's completely off!

Gin: It's not even underwear anymore!

Gin: Have some shame, okay?!

Gin: He walked over to buy a can of coffee!

Gin: He walked over with his underwear stretched

out so far that he's basically naked!

Shin: I-Impossible!

Kondo: We can't even make him budge!

All: Who is this man?!

Shogun: Shoguns have traditionally worn elastic tighty whities.

Shogun: I appreciate your help.

Shogun: The pool is a fun place.

Shogun: Thank you for providing me with a wonderful summer experience.

Shogun: May I come back next summer?

Zura: This lotion is great!

Zura: I feel like I can topple the Bakufu right now!

Zura: Okay! One more time, Elizabeth!

Greater Edo Pool

Gin: No more...

Next Episode The Pincers of a Crab Can Snip Through a Friendship

Shin: Next time:

Shin: The pincers of a crab can snip through a friendship!