05x18 - People Forget to Return Stuff All the Time Without Even Realizing It/We Ended Kind of Early So We're Gonna Start the Next Episode (Take Two)

[bunniefuu]

A: Oh! A clean hit!

A: -That's it! Keep it up!

Salary: -Stupid boss!

Salary: Take that! Take that!

Salary: Whew, I feel so much better.

Salary: Thanks, big guy.

Iwamatsu: It was nothing.

Iwamatsu: If a few punches to the face can help you forget

your troubles, come on down

Iwamatsu: to see Iwamatsu, the Punching Bag.

Salary: Did you see that?

Salary: I got a wicked jab, right?

Iwamatsu: Come again!

Iwamatsu: Weak-ass punches.

Iwamatsu: You can't hurt me with those.

Iwamatsu: The Kabuki district, a town of outlaws.

Iwamatsu: My first impression was correct.

Iwamatsu: There's a sucker around every corner.

Iwamatsu: These wannabe punks and their girly punches

Iwamatsu: can't hurt me, the former pro boxer, Iwamatsu.

Iwamatsu: I'm gonna make a k*lling today.

Iwamatsu: Hey! Come on down!

Iwamatsu: You're allowed to hit me as many times as you want for one minute!

Iwamatsu: I'm known as Iwamatsu, the human punching bag!

Iwamatsu: Anyone up for blowing off some steam?

Iwamatsu: If you can knock me out, you won't have to pay,

plus you get a prize!

Kagura: Ooh, ooh! Let me try!

Iwamatsu: Hmm? What? A kid?

Iwamatsu: This will be the perfect demonstration.

Iwamatsu: You wanna give it a shot, little girl?

Iwamatsu: Okay, you shouldn't need a glove.

Iwamatsu: Hit me as hard as you can.

Kagura: Yay! Knocked him out with one punch!

People Forget to Return Stuff All the Time Without Even Realizing It

Kagura: Food for me!

Kagura: Delicious!

Iwamatsu: R-Really.

Iwamatsu: Enjoy yourself.

Iwamatsu: Ka-Kabuki's crazy!

Iwamatsu: I-I was too naive!

Iwamatsu: I-I wasn't expecting a monster like this!

Iwamatsu: And she's just a kid!

Iwamatsu: How scary are the adults in the Kabuki District?!

Iwamatsu: U-Uh, young lady...

Iwamatsu: Have you been practicing the Divine Fist of the North Star?

Iwamatsu: I was really surprised.

Iwamatsu: I didn't expect a little girl to be so strong,

though you're not as strong as I am.

Iwamatsu: S-So, are there other people in

the Kabuki District who are strong like you?

Kagura: Nope, I'm queen of the Kabuki District.

Iwamatsu: O-Of course!

Iwamatsu: You're not gonna find too many people this strong!

Kagura: Is this your first time in the Kabuki District?

Iwamatsu: Huh? Oh, yeah.

Iwamatsu: I came from the countryside to do business,

Iwamatsu: but I don't know my way around the city.

Kagura: Want me to show you around?

Kagura: I can show you some nice places in return for the meat bun.

Iwamatsu: What? Really?

Kagura: You can ask me anything about the Kabuki District.

Kagura: So basically, you're looking for a place with a bunch

Kagura: of irritated guys who will want to hit you.

Iwamatsu: Yes, and I would prefer that they not be too strong.

Iwamatsu: Well, I suppose it doesn't matter.

Iwamatsu: But if they're too strong,

Iwamatsu: it will be harder for me to control my strength

and I might end up injuring them.

Kagura: Leave it to me.

Kagura: I know the perfect place.

Otose

Iwamatsu: What's this place?

Kagura: A bar for drinking cheap booze.

Kagura: The patrons don't have much money.

Kagura: Most of them come here to bitch about their life.

Iwamatsu: I see.

Iwamatsu: There should be plenty of irritated patrons here.

Iwamatsu: The queen of the Kabuki District knows her territory.

Iwamatsu: My first customer just happened to be

this anomaly of a girl.

Iwamatsu: But I shouldn't need to be scared of a bunch of old drunks.

Otose: Don't come here if don't have any money!

Catherine: You're always drinking and never paying up!

Catherine: This isn't your home!

Otose: Crush! Crush! Crush!

Iwamatsu: M-My potential customers are already punching bags!

Kagura: Hey, Gin-chan, Madao.

Kagura: This guy sells himself as a punching bag.

Kagura: Want to blow off some steam?

Kagura: You can hit him as many times as you want.

Iwamatsu: Wait! I refuse! It's obvious that they have no money!

Madao: Punching bag?

Madao: People treat me like a punching bag every day.

Madao: People like me should die.

Iwamatsu: This guy's dangerous!

Iwamatsu: He's not irritated! He should be on su1c1de watch!

Kagura: Wake up, Gin-chan.

Kagura: This guy sells himself as a punching bag.

Gin: Punching bag?

Gin: Can I?

Gin: Don't blame me though.

Gin: He might go from punching bag to body bag.

Iwamatsu: You're scaring me!

Iwamatsu: What's wrong with this snack bar?!

Iwamatsu: Why are the customers all deranged?!

Kagura: Don't worry.

Kagura: Gin-chan and Madao can be super when they try.

Iwamatsu: No, it's impossible!

Iwamatsu: They're completely smashed! And they're broke!

Iwamatsu: Forget it! Forget it!

Iwamatsu: I'll look for customers somewhere else!

Gin: Don't make fun of me.

Gin: Everybody's obsessed with money!

Gin: So I don't have money.

Gin: I still got something that's damn valuable.

Destiny of an Emperor

Iwamatsu: It's an NES cartridge!

Gin: You fool!

Gin: Destiny of an Emperor was a brilliant RPG that

was loved by everyone important!

Gin: If you find the right buyer, it'll fetch a pretty penny.

Iwamatsu: Who cares?!

Iwamatsu: And the name Takeshi is written on there!

Takeshi

Iwamatsu: You obviously borrowed it and never returned it!

Madao: Hey, hold on!

Madao: Isn't that the game I let you borrow?!

Gin: You were just letting me borrow a game

Gin: that you borrowed from someone else and never returned!

Gin: It doesn't belong to you!

Madao: Shut up!

Madao: How can you sell something that you borrowed from someone else?!

Gin: You're the one who let me borrow a game you borrowed from someone else!

Madao: Let go!

Gin: Stop it!

Iwamatsu: This might be the most pointless fight ever!

Madao: Bastard! What was that for?!

Madao: Destiny of an Emperor was Three-Kingdom'd!

Gin: That's not funny!

Madao: Apologize to Takeshi!

Gin: Shut up!

Gin: You should apologize to Takeshi!

Iwamatsu: Apologize to the people who are watching this crap on TV!

Kagura: Oh, now they're punching each other.

Kagura: I guess they won't need a punching bag.

Iwamatsu: I'm pretty sure they never did.

Iwamatsu: Uh, forget about looking for irritated people.

Iwamatsu: Could you take me to a place

with friendly and energetic people?

Kagura: Hmm...

Kagura: Energetic...

Kagura: I guess there's a place.

Iwamatsu: There is?

Iwamatsu: Could you take me there?

Katsura: It is time for action!

Katsura: We must punish the dogs of the hated Bakufu

who have persecuted us for so long!

Katsura: Tomorrow at dawn,

we will attack the Shinsengumi headquarters!

Katsura: And...

Katsura: ...do this to all of their toilet paper!

Katsura: Turn the roll so it comes out backwards!

A: Damn Shinsengumi!

A: Today will be the last day you can take a dump without having to think twice!

B: After tomorrow morning,

B: they will suffer a living hell

of toilet paper that never stops rolling!

Iwamatsu: Who are these idiots?

Kagura: Energetic t*rrorists.

Iwamatsu: t*rrorists?!

Iwamatsu: Why did you bring me here?!

Kagura: They have plenty of energy.

Kagura: I'm sure they'll be great customers.

Kagura: Hey, Zura!

Katsura: Oh, leader!

Joi: Good evening, leader!

Kagura: Want to warm up before you go take on the Shinsengumi?

Kagura: I brought a punching bag!

Katsura: Punching bag?

Kagura: You can beat up this human punching bag for a whole minute.

Kagura: Pretend that he's from the Shinsengumi and vent your frustration!

A: I get it! Brilliant, leader!

B: We were letting our emotions get the better of us!

B: We should beat him up and calm ourselves down!

A: Okay! Let's do this!

Iwamatsu: Ah! Wait!

Iwamatsu: I can't handle all of you at once!

Iwamatsu: One at a time!

Katsura: Stop, you fools!

Katsura: A samurai should never attack someone

who is not fighting back!

Katsura: And you call yourself Joi patriots?!

Joi: W-We're sorry, Katsura-san!

Katsura: I apologize for their behavior.

Katsura: Forgive us.

Katsura: They are normally well-behaved.

Katsura: I suppose that they're excited about the upcoming battle.

Iwamatsu: Nah, don't sweat it.

Iwamatsu: This is my job, so as long as they come one at a time...

Katsura: I wish to settle accounts.

Katsura: Could you please give each member

a double slap in the face?

Iwamatsu: I'm asking you to hit me!

Iwamatsu: Don't worry about it.

Iwamatsu: Really, this is my job.

Iwamatsu: I'm asking you to hit me.

Katsura: But I will not accept it!

Kagura: Watch your tongue!

Katsura: You must slap each of them the way she is!

Iwamatsu: Why are you punching them?!

Iwamatsu: I can't put food on the table by hitting you people!

Iwamatsu: I'm begging you to hit me!

Katsura: You are so generous!

Katsura: You refuse to hit my men, even after they disrespected you!

Katsura: I understand.

Katsura: I am responsible for the failures of my men.

Katsura: I shall also offer...

Iwamatsu: That's not the issue here!

Katsura: ...that you give my treasure,

a Super Monkey Adventure cartridge, a double slap!

Iwamatsu: Why?!

Iwamatsu: What does Super Monkey Adventure have to do with anything?!

Katsura: I'm sorry, Takeshi.

Takeshi

Katsura: I intended to return this game to you...

Katsura: Such sorrow!

Iwamatsu: And it's another game that was never returned to Takeshi!

Iwamatsu: Who's Takeshi?!

Iwamatsu: Is it the same Takeshi?!

A: Don't be too hasty, Katsura-san!

A: Have you forgotten your promise to Takeshi?!

Katsura: Not another word!

Katsura: Forgive me, Takeshi!

Iwamatsu: Hey! I can't tell if Takeshi is loved or hated!

Okita: The gig's up!

Okita: Katsura!

Okita: Turn yourself in!

Katsura: Shit!

Katsura: The enemy has learned of our plan!

Katsura: Then I have no choice!

Katsura: Onward, men!

Joi: Take this!

Joi: Super Monkey Adventure!

Iwamatsu: Why are you throwing cartridges?!

Iwamatsu: And how many copies do you have?!

Okita: They escaped outside!

Okita: Contact the rd Squad!

Okita: Huh? China girl?

Okita: Why are you here?

Kagura: Oh, the perfect sucker.

Kagura: He's a sadist, so he'd be a perfect customer.

Iwamatsu: First t*rrorists, now cops?!

Okita: A punching bag?

Kagura: Yup. You must be pissed about letting Zura escape.

Kagura: You can use him to blow off some steam.

Okita: It's not my thing.

Okita: There's nothing fun about hitting someone who wants to be hit.

Okita: But I love to see the contorted faces of people in pain.

Iwamatsu: You're twisted!

Iwamatsu: What's wrong with this guy?!

Iwamatsu: Is he really a cop?!

Okita: If he was an artful dodger instead of a human punching bag,

Okita: and he offered to pay me instead of charging, I might hit him.

Iwamatsu: That would make me a sick bastard!

Kagura: That's that, then.

Kagura: Pay up.

Iwamatsu: Huh?

Kagura: I'm telling you to pay up!

Iwamatsu: What?!

Iwamatsu: I'm supposed to pay him to hit me?!

Iwamatsu: I'm trying to make money here!

Kagura: So you come all the way out to the city,

Kagura: and then you turn around and go back

without even getting hit once?!

Kagura: Aren't you a punching bag?!

Kagura: If you have to pay for someone to hit you, so be it!

Iwamatsu: That would make me some kind of S&M freak who's paying to be punished!

Okita: Well, twenty grand will do.

Iwamatsu: Why is this happening?

Okita: Now say, I'll give you all my money, so stop hitting me.

Iwamatsu: I'll give you all my money, so stop hitting me.

Okita: Pretend like you're back in middle school.

Iwamatsu: That's my whole allowance.

Iwamatsu: Cut me some slack, man.

Okita: Now like you're a foreigner.

Iwamatsu: All the money!

Iwamatsu: But not the body!

Okita: I guess I'll let you go this time.

Iwamatsu: That was highway robbery!

Iwamatsu: Give me back my money!

Iwamatsu: Aren't you a cop?!

Iwamatsu: You want a fight?!

Kondo: Sorry.

Kondo: It appears that one of my men was upsetting you.

Iwamatsu: What?

Kondo: Man, he's so hopeless.

Kondo: Sorry!

Kondo: I must apologize, as his superior.

Kondo: So, please keep this quiet.

Kondo: Here, consider this compensation instead of a bribe.

Iwamatsu: Huh? Should a cop be doing this?

Kondo: Please! It's not a big deal! Just take it!

Iwamatsu: Uh, this is wrong.

Iwamatsu: Are you sure about this?

Kondo: It's perfectly fine.

Kondo: Anyway, please forgive him.

Kondo: I'm counting on your silence.

Kondo: Hemosoro suparami bachiguso nemosamu...

Iwamatsu: It's a spell of resurrection!

Iwamatsu: For what game?!

Iwamatsu: I don't need this crap!

Iwamatsu: It's a worthless piece of paper!

Takeshi

Iwamatsu: You again, Takeshi?!

Iwamatsu: How many of your games are floating around out there?!

Iwamatsu: Why did you even bother writing your name?!

Iwamatsu: Everybody must hate you!

Iwamatsu: Your crap's scattered around the world like the Dragon Balls!

Yamazaki: I apologize for my superior's rude behavior.

Yamazaki: Please keep this quiet.

Iwamatsu: Hey, what's wrong with the cops here?

Kondo: Here, consider this compensation instead of a bribe.

Iwamatsu: No, enough of that already.

Iwamatsu: No more.

Iwamatsu: Hey!

Iwamatsu: I don't need any more spells of resurrection!

Yamazaki: Anpan anpan anpan anpan anpan anpan anpan anpan anpan anpan anpan anpan...

Iwamatsu: What is he trying to resurrect?!

Iwamatsu: What the hell?!

Iwamatsu: What does this mean?!

Iwamatsu: I have no idea, but I'm scared to death now!

Kagura: Hey, he's looking at us.

Iwamatsu: He just said something.

Iwamatsu: What did he say?!

Iwamatsu: Hey, am I going to be okay?!

Iwamatsu: Did he just curse me?!

Iwamatsu: Hey! Wait!

Iwamatsu: Is it really okay?!

Greater Edo Parking Lot

Meat Bun

Kagura: Sorry I couldn't help you.

Iwamatsu: It's okay.

Iwamatsu: I'll give up on being a punching bag.

Iwamatsu: I guess this town doesn't need one.

Iwamatsu: There aren't any nasty people in this town

Iwamatsu: who get pleasure out of hitting someone who doesn't fight back.

Iwamatsu: The people here tackle their problems

head-on and blow off stress by running wild.

Iwamatsu: I knew that the people in this town were strong.

Iwamatsu: I wanted to be strong like they were,

instead of working this creepy job.

Kagura: Really?

Kagura: It's too bad.

Kagura: I didn't understand the complicated stuff,

but I feel better now,

Kagura: since you let me punch you.

Kagura: I'm sure there are people who need you.

Kagura: Like, for instance...

Kagura: Over there.

Takeshi

Takeshi: I agreed to co-sign the loan

Takeshi: 'cause he promised to pay the money back,

and then he runs away.

Takeshi: I'm doomed to live a life where nobody ever returns anything to me.

Takeshi: I should have written my name on the money...

Takeshi

Iwamatsu: Is that... Is that...?

Kagura: I wouldn't say that everybody is strong.

Kagura: Some people are overwhelmed by their gloomy feelings.

Kagura: Your job isn't creepy.

Kagura: You should be proud.

Kagura: You're the only one who

can receive the fist of the injured soul who never has

Kagura: anything returned by the idiots of the Kabuki district.

Iwamatsu: I never truly understood

what it meant to be a punching bag.

Iwamatsu: My job wasn't to let other people hit me.

Iwamatsu: It was to accept their fists, their feelings...

Iwamatsu: Takeshi-kun, you can have me for a whole minute.

Iwamatsu: I'll help you forget all the bad memories.

Iwamatsu: How about it?

Takeshi: Gah! Pervert!

Kagura: Congratulations.

Kagura: Somebody finally punched you.

Iwamatsu: This doesn't seem right.

We Ended Kind of Early So We're Gonna Start the Next Episode (Take Two)

Kagura: Have you forgotten

Kagura: about the red kerchief?

Kagura: When we went to the bath in the neighboring town...

Gin: Hey, want me to drop you in the Kanda River?

Greater Edo Bathhouse

Gin: Don't forget that you fell asleep in the bath, almost drowned,

Gin: and destroyed everything in the process!

A: Adults are yen. Children are yen.

Men

Women

Kagura: Don't treat me like a child.

Kagura: I'm a woman now.

Kagura: Charge me another yen.

Gin: Shut your mouth.

Gin: Lady, I have the soul of a boy,

Gin: so how's for both of us sound?

Kagura: Gin-chan, please give me another yen.

Kagura: I want to have some coffee milk after my bath.

Gin: You can drink the water in the bath, you brat.

Shin: Huh?

Shin: Why are you here, Gin-san?

Gin: Commercial break finally ends and

they're treated to a shot of your ass.

Gin: Why are you here?

Shin: There was a special about hot springs on TV,

Shin: so Sis decided she wanted to enjoy a large bath.

Gin: You should have tossed her into a big puddle or something.

Gin: I figured I would have the place to myself.

Shin: Nice to see you, too.

Shin: You were probably going to peek at the women, right?

Gin: I'm not gonna pick a fight with Agnes.

Kondo: Oh, sorry!

Kondo: There's construction work being done on this bath,

so could you go somewhere else?

Gin: Hey, how did the gorilla find out?

Gin: I don't want to share a bath with him.

Gin: I'll probably catch some kind of disease.

Hijikata: You're the disease.

Hijikata: You can use the tepid kiddy bath over there.

Hijikata: It's probably your style.

Kiddy Pool Do not jump in.

Okita: That's the Hijikata-san we know.

Okita: A real Edo boy loves steaming hot baths.

Hijikata: Yeah, this ain't hot enough.

Hijikata: Load 'er up.

Okita: Here.

Hijikata: Hey!

Hijikata: Where'd you get leftover water from cooking yakisoba?!

Gin: I'll use this chance to wash the underwear I was wearing.

Gin: Saves money.

Hijikata: This isn't the Ganges River!

Kondo: Stop it, people!

Kondo: We're here to take a bath!

Kondo: If you're going to make a ruckus, leave!

Kondo: Otae-san can stay!

Gin: You're obviously not here to take a bath.

Gin: If you're looking for a quick cleaning, jump in a washing machine.

Gin: This is no place for dirty bastards like you!

Kondo: What was that?!

Kondo: I'll Vidal Sassoon your pubes!

Gin: Eh?!

Gin: I'll pluck out your ass hairs one by one!

Kondo: Get out!

Kondo: You're in Vidal Sassoon territory!

Gin: Fine! Let's take this outside!

Gin: I'll show you what tweezers can do!

Chibi: Whoa, this is a bathhouse?

Chibi: It's huge!

Chibi: I wanna swim!

Gin: Eh?! Swim?!

Gin: This isn't the pool!

Kondo: Only Vidal Sassooners are allowed here, kid!

Kondo: We booked the place!

Chibi: What? Booked the place?

Chibi: No way.

Chibi: I heard that everybody's allowed in a bathhouse.

Shin: G-Gin-san...

Shin: Th-That's...

Chibi: Papa, they said that they booked the bath.

Goro: What's that?

Goro: That's odd.

Goro: I heard that the bathhouse is a public place.

Goro: Brother, they booked the place.

Shiro: What? That's impossible.

Shiro: Brother Saburo said we could all take a bath here, right?

Saburo: Don't look at me.

Saburo: Well, Brother Jiro?

Jiro: Father, where's our eldest brother?

Dad: Beats me.

Hedoro: Hey. What are you all doing?

Saburo: Ah, Big Brother!

Hedoro: Huh?

Hedoro: The Odd Jobs members.

Hedoro: It's been a while.

Hedoro: It's me, the Hedoro next door.

Gin: He-Hedoro has multiplied!

Saburo: Uh, I heard that you booked the place?

Jiro: We're not allowed in here?

Kiddy Pool Do not jump in.

Both: Welcome!

Both: Enjoy yourselves!

Chibi: Yay!

Hedoro: I apologize.

Hedoro: It appears that we are imposing on you.

Kondo: H-Hey! Why is the Addams Family here?!

Kondo: You know them?!

Both: N-No! We never knew there were so many!

Hedoro: You see, my family's visiting from the countryside,

Hedoro: so I decided to bring them to a bathhouse

to show them what Edo's like.

All: Wr-Wring Edo to death?!

Hedoro: We don't take baths together on our planet.

Hedoro: I think it's dynamite to strip down and spend time together.

All: St-Strip down dynamite!

Gin: I-I don't believe it!

Gin: Th-They're finally moving to invade Earth!

Hijikata: I-Invade Earth?!

Hijikata: Impossible!

Okita: They're starting by taking over this bathhouse.

Okita: Damn monsters!

Kondo: We don't have time to argue about Vidal Sassoons and tweezers.

Kondo: We need to warn everyone!

Kondo: Run for it as soon as they get in the adult bath.

Hedoro: Yes, such a wonderful bath.

All: They got in the kiddy bath!

To Be Continued Next Episode

Next Episode The Bathhouse, Where You're Naked in Body and Soul

Hedoro: And so, we will continue this story next week.

#ED