05x40 - We Are All Hosts, in Capital Letters

[bunniefuu]

Shin What? You're going to quit being a host?

Kyo Yes, I'm going to quit and open a plastic model shop.

Kyo I already have the perfect name.

Kyo Plastic Kyoshiro.

Shin Uh, what are you talking about, Kyoshiro-san?

Shin That wasn't funny. Who's going to recognize that reference?

Kagura Yeah, you should open a Mini WD store called Dash Kyoshiro instead.

Shin Nobody's going to recognize that one either!

Kagura What's wrong anyway?

Kagura You're the number one host in the Kabuki district.

Kagura Is the silicon in your nose starting to crumble?

Kyo I feel like I've hit a wall,

Kyo so I wanted to invite the members of

Odd Jobs to be my final customers.

Gin Hold on. Has all the plastic surgery damaged your brain?

Gin If the head is too light, the car will rise on sharp turns

Gin and you'll fly off the track, so you'll need side rollers...

Shin Stop talking about Mini WDs!

Shin Hachiro-san, what happened?

Hachi Do you know Madame Yagami?

Kyo Hachiro!

Hachi She's said to be an Edo-born socialite, and something of an enigma.

Hachi A tip of her glass and the balance of power in this town crumbles.

Hachi Whoever controls her controls the night streets.

Hachi She descends like a goddess of fortune in the dark

Hachi and leaves wealth and riches in her wake.

Hachi But she never visits the same town again.

Hachi A goddess of the night.

Hachi And a few nights ago,

Hachi the Madame visited Takamagahara.

Shin What? Isn't that great?

Gin Like when a pro Mini WD racer shows up at a local tournament?

Shin That's kind of hard to relate to.

Hachi However, the Madame had a message

for us when she left.

Madam I'll be back next week at the same time.

Shin Huh? Th-That's terrific!

Shin You secured a promise from someone who

never visits the same place twice!

Hachi No, this is not a good thing.

Shin Huh?

Hachi The Madame is aware that she

has the power to completely reshape a town.

Hachi Which is why she shuns every club,

even the ones she takes a liking to.

Hachi When the Madame says that she will be returning,

Hachi she intends to ruin us.

Hachi Tomorrow, she will no longer be a goddess of fortune,

Hachi but a goddess of death.

Shin Wh-Why?!

Shin Did something happen to upset her?

Hachi We're talking about the most powerful socialite under the sun.

Hachi I would assume that she didn't like some aspect of the experience.

Shin So you don't actually want to quit.

Shin You just think that this place will be shut down.

Gin Speaking of which, I don't see any other hosts around.

Hachi Yes, they're all too scared to work.

Kyo I'm very sorry.

Kyo Our failure will ruin the entire town.

Kyo But while I've given up on the club,

I won't let her ruin this town.

Kyo I swear on my pride as a host.

Hachi But how are we supposed to entertain the

Madame when everyone's gone?

Kyo Nevertheless, we must do

what we can to curry the Madame's favor.

Gin How many?

Both Huh?

Gin How many dashing, young men do you require?

Gin And...

Gin Are you positive that she's rich, boss?

We Are All Hosts, In Capital Letters

Gin Listen up!

Gin We're going to scout the Kabuki district for

Hunks of the Zodiac to take on the Madame!

Gin Everyone ready?

Gin Just do it!

Both Sparkling!

Shin Okay!

Shin My life is yours.

Kagura Consider it done.

Gin Ignore anyone below a Bronze Saint.

Gin Ideally, we want Silver Saints.

Kagura Excuse me! I have no idea what that means! Whoo-hoo!

Gin In other words, we don't want anyone uglier than Isao Hashizume,

Gin and anyone more handsome than Makoto Fujita is too handsome,

Gin so reject them too!

Shin You just eliminated the majority of the human race!

Shin What's the difference between bronze and silver?!

Gin In other words,

Gin make sure you don't bring any Gold Saints

Gin like Masaharu Fukuyama or Shun Oguri.

Gin They'll make us look bad and scare the customers.

Shin So you want us to bring ugly people?!

Gin Just go!

Kyo Uh... Excuse me, Odd Jobs.

Kyo I appreciate the help, but this isn't such an easy job.

Kyo Looks are only a starting point.

Kyo Hosts must have personalities that draw people to them.

Gin So you're saying that I'm all looks and no substance?

Gin Just a pretty face?

Kyo Uh, I never said that.

Kyo And I never said that you were particularly handsome.

Gin In other words, it's what's inside that counts.

Kyo E-Er, I guess...

Gin And that's what we're focused on.

Madao Gin-san, I heard you had a job for me.

Kyo Huh?

Kyo This is worse than I expected!

Kyo And is he wearing paper?!

Kyo Hold on a second.

I want to meet Jang Geun-suk.

Kyo Wouldn't he considered a Cardboard Saint?

Madao This isn't cardboard.

Madao Look, I also used newspaper and colorful t-shirts.

Madao It's kind of like a suit.

Kyo No, it's not.

Kyo And your necklace is somebody's Tanabata wish card.

Madao Sorry, boss.

Madao I was aiming for a hosty, flashy look.

Kyo Uh, do you understand what it means to be a host?

Gin He may not look like much on the outside,

Gin but he's a hard worker on the inside.

Gin Like a J Leaguer.

Gin Welcome aboard!

Gin Look, he's even sporting a sponsor on his back.

Aomori Apples

Gin And he's got bling around his neck.

Gin And we're planning a shotgun wedding with Rosa!

Kyo U-Uh, Odd Jobs?

Kyo We work in the service industry, so I need someone more...

Gin Don't worry. I've got it covered.

Gin I happen to know this handsome fellow who works in the service industry.

Gin And I'm not talking about one of those metrosexuals

Gin that are all the rage these days.

Gin This one's a real macho...

Otae Did you just call me macho?!

Shin Sis!

Otae Shin-chan, explain yourself.

Otae I came because you told me

that Hideyoshi's lost treasure had been found!

Shin Y-You've got it wrong, Sis!

Shin I was saying that we could obtain wealth

that would rival Hideyoshi's lost treasure,

Shin so just bear with us.

Otae Shut your mouth!

Otae Why should I dress up like a man and work at a host club?!

Kagura See, she's so manly.

Gin Listen to me, Otae!

Gin There isn't much difference between a hostess club and a host club!

Gin The only difference is the gender!

Gin Which means you're already a host...

Kyo P-Please calm yourself, Otae-san.

Kyo You have it all wrong.

Kyo I thought that the top hostess in the Kabuki district...

Otae Huh?

Kyo ...would be able to introduce us to some handsome men.

Kyo Since you must be very popular with the guys.

Otae Huh? O-Oh...

Otae Please, Kyoshiro-san!

Madao Boss!

Otae Handsome men?

Otae I suppose that I know a few.

Otae Who should I choose?

Otae This is so difficult!

Kondo Oh, Otae-san. Did you need me for something?

Shin And here comes someone who was never invited to the party!

Shin Why is he acting like we begged him to come here?!

I want to punch him in the face!

Kondo I understand, Otae-san.

Kondo You didn't want to ask me to be a host

Kondo because you didn't want to risk losing me

to some other girl, right?

Kondo I saw it all transpire.

Shin Nothing like that ever happened!

Shin How long have you been watching us, you stalker?!

Kondo Don't worry. Nobody can steal my heart.

Kondo Isao will forever be your personal hostalker.

Host + Stalker = Hostalker

Shin Nobody would want you as a personal host.

Gin Hostcar?

Gin Hey, guys.

Gin This guy wants a host's car.

Gin We can have him carry our stuff.

Kondo Wait! That's not what I said!

Kagura We've got enough people now.

Kagura Let's head back, boys!

Kyo U-Uh, excuse me.

Kyo I would like everyone to take an aptitude test.

Gin Aptitude test?

Kyo Yes, since a host's job is to chat with girls.

Kyo I would like all of you to talk to girls and bring them to the club.

Kyo You can pretend that you're trying to pick up the girls.

Kyo At first glance, hosts may appear to operate solo,

Kyo but that's only when customers request you by name.

Kyo Temporary help typically plays a supporting role.

Kyo In other words, teamwork is critical.

Kyo Show me that you can cover for each other's mistakes

and accomplish your job.

Kyo Is that their target?

Madao Oh, excuse me.

Kyo He bumped into her to create an excuse to talk.

Girl Oh, no. I wasn't paying attention.

Madao Uh, excuse me...

Madao I believe this dropped from your back.

Madao Feather.

Kyo Uh, you're the one who just dropped everything!

I want to meet Jang Geun-suk.

Kyo The suit fell apart when he bumped into her!

Kyo Somebody help him!

Kagura Oh, sorry.

Kagura That belongs to me.

Kyo How is that supposed to help?!

And that feather was yours?!

Madao Uh, she looks more like an angel to me.

Kagura No, I'm the angel.

Madao Well, can you prove it?

Kyo Don't you people have more important things to be talking about?!

Shin Hey! What are you people doing?!

Kyo Crap! It's the police!

Kyo They can't pick up girls now!

Shin Why not use rock, paper, scissors

Shin to decide?

Kyo You're joining in?!

Kyo Why do you people keep striking funny poses?!

Kagura Okay. We'll use rock, paper, scissors to determine who the feather belongs to.

Girl Um, I'm not an angel.

Shin Just do as we say.

Girl Um, I'm in a hurry.

Kyo Hey! You're scaring her off!

Madao Well, you should just give it a try.

Girl As I've been saying...

Otae I'm not an angel!

Kyo You too!

Kyo What was the point of this entire exchange?!

All We're sorry!

Kyo It was nothing more than a sham!

Gin What is with those people?

Gin There must be something wrong with them.

Girl You're absolutely right.

Girl Oh, I'm sorry.

Gin No, don't be.

Gin I'm the one who approached you.

Kyo C-Could it be?!

Kyo This is the main event?!

Girl Th-Then I'll be going now!

Gin Ah, please wait.

Girl Huh?

Kyo So the entire sequence was one giant accident designed

Kyo to create an opening in her heart?!

Gin You dropped this. It's not a feather.

Girl Huh? This is...

Gin I-I'm sorry.

But I would love to

Gin talk with you again.

Gin Well, if you happen to have some time,

feel free to drop by.

Gin As luck would have it,

I'm always available since no one ever asks for me.

Kyo And he used a subtle invitation instead of a direct one

Kyo to soften the bad rep that comes with being a host!

Girl S-So you're a host.

Gin No, I might be the devil.

Kyo And then he shows his wild side?!

Girl U-Um, I-I might visit your club then,

Girl just to see what it's like, I guess...

Gin I invite you to Takamagahara, a refuge for angels.

Kyo He landed her?!

Kyo They were able to recover from that horrible beginning!

Kyo No, this was all part of their plan!

Kyo Maybe... Just maybe they can pull it off!

Gin The club is nearby, so allow me to escort you there.

Gin It wouldn't do to let an angel get her feet dirty.

Girl You're too kind...

Kyo They may be able to put up a fight against the Madame!

Gin Now.

Kondo Vroom!

Gin Please get on.

Gin What's wrong? You've never seen a hostcar before?

Kondo Vroom!

Gin It's a comfortable ride.

Gin Down, boy.

Gin Hey, stop it.

Gin Hold up now.

Gin You're going the wrong way!

Dream Castle

Gin Come on now.

Gin This is a completely different kind of refuge.

Gin Seriously.

Gin Oh, well.

Gin Let's go inside for a bit...

Shinsengumi

Girl Help! Police!

Girl That host is very weird!

Toshi What's wrong with you?

Gin What's wrong with you?

Kondo Yeah!

Both We're just your average weird hosts!

Kyo Uh, I asked you guys to bring customers.

Kyo Why did you get yourself arrested?

Gin Boss.

Gin We would have landed two or three girls

if it wasn't for these rotten cops.

Gin Ain't that right, ISAO?

Kondo GIN is absolutely right.

Kondo Cops are getting so a**l these days.

Kondo It's getting hard to live in this town.

Toshi You're in charge of those cops!

Kondo That's ancient history.

Kondo I've abandoned my position and prestige for Otae-san

Kondo to start over from the bottom of society as a hostalker!

Okita Kondo-san, I think you'll be starting from the Jomon period.

Toshi We're leaving.

Toshi If you want a job as a car, you can be a patrol car

that helps keep the streets safe.

Kondo Hosts also keep the streets safe!

Kondo If we don't do anything, that Madame will ruin this town!

Okita What are you babbling about?

Kondo GIN! Help me out here!

Kondo This club will be in trouble without its ace!

Kondo Whitebeard and Luffy won't stand for this!

Gin Just feed him one banana a day.

Gin If he still runs slow, have him hold his own banana.

Kondo No!

Kondo I'll be turned into a circus show gorilla!

Toshi Stop struggling and come with us!

Kondo Boss!

Kyo Uh, could you wait a moment?

Kondo Boss!

Kyo No, I wasn't talking to the gorilla.

Kyo This could very well be...

Kyo This could very well be it!

Takamagahara

A What? Really?

B You bet!

Otae Ladies, do you have any plans tonight?

Otae If not, why not drop by Takamagahara,

the refuge for angels, to rest your wings?

A Huh? Takamagahara's open again?

B I heard that they were closed because a bunch of hosts quit.

C Yeah.

Otae The club has reopened with many new hosts.

A Really?

B But the new hosts are probably ugly.

C I bet.

Otae Absolutely not.

Otae The hosts here are all handsome men

Otae selected from all over Edo.

Otae I promise that they will make this a very magical night.

Okita Welcome.

Toshi To New Takamagahara.

Okita You won't be getting any sleep tonight, my little p*ssy cats.

Toshi We're gonna have a HOT and COOL party here.

Toshi Here we go!

Toshi Let's party!

All Okay!

Toshi Hell no!

Toshi Why are we partying?!

Toshi When did Kondo-san turn into Harley Gorillason?!

Kyo You definitely fit the part.

Kyo My eyes haven't failed me.

Kyo Please.

Kyo I need your help to protect this town from the Madame.

Toshi Screw that.

Toshi Samurai do not fool around.

Kondo The Shinsengumi are obligated to protect this town,

Kondo so this is our duty!

Toshi I don't think it's our duty to wear handles on our heads.

Kondo This is an order from your chief.

Kondo We're partying all night!

Toshi There's a party in your head every single day!

Okita Now, now. Calm down.

Okita Get yourself a drink,

Okita TOSHI.

Toshi Don't call me TOSHI!

Toshi And why are you already entertaining customers?!

Okita I'm not sure what this is about,

but I've figured out how this works.

Okita I just have to trick dumb b*tches into giving me money

while I eat and drink for free.

A Aw, SOUGO is so mean!

Okita Sorry. I wasn't talking about you.

Okita Because you alone are special.

Both Excuse me! Another bottle of Dom Perignon!

Toshi He's a natural!

Toshi This job was made for him!

Toshi He's shining in all his evil glory!

Kyo Well, in any case,

Kyo I'll be serving the Madame.

Kyo The two of them will be my help.

Kyo The rest of you will be help for the help.

Shin Why would you need help for the help?!

Shin Even the Beatles didn't use that much help!

Gin Screw that!

Gin I'm not going to be reduced to help for them!

Gin He basically looks like Shinpachi without the glasses!

Kagura Yeah!

Kagura Yeah, if Gin-chan dyed his hair black, they would look the same!

Both My face isn't that dumb!

Shin What?!

Gin You're getting a cocky because you rose two places

in the third character poll.

Gin I might not be so popular in D,

Gin but in D, everyone wants me!

Shin Could you stop fighting?!

Shin And what does D have to do with anything?!

Gin I don't need any lip from the

person who's miraculously placed th three times in a row!

Toshi Fool. You're lucky the author sucks at drawing.

Toshi In D, you would look like Yo Oizumi.

A hairball!

Shin Calm down, Hijikata-san!

Shin What's so bad about Yo Oizumi?!

Toshi Shut up, Hat Trick!

Gin What?! In D, you would look like Daisuke Sakaguchi!

Shin That's me!

Toshi That's bullshit! Even his glasses look like the number !

Shin All glasses look like the number !

Shin Cut this out now!

Shin Eight is for my name, my glasses, my th place...

Otae Please. Stop fighting.

Otae Everyone should get along.

Otae Teamwork is important for hosts.

Kyo You're absolutely right.

Kyo We need to work together to satisfy the Madame.

Kyo If you follow my instructions, we'll be fine.

Kyo I normally don't need help,

so I'll try to do as much as I can myself.

Kyo Otae-san, we'll send the customers home at PM.

Kyo I want every person on standby for the Madame.

Otae Er, you don't want any other customers around?

Kyo Yes, is there a problem?

Otae Sorry, I thought you wanted some excitement,

Otae so I invited a lot of people.

All Ooh! It's been so long, Kyoshiro-sama!

Saigo Thank you for the invitation.

Saigo You must have really missed us.

Agomi Kyoshiro-sama is so happy that he's foaming at the mouth!

Agomi I love it!

A Fabulous!

Shin It's the Saigo trannies!

Saigo Hey, Otae.

Saigo Is it true that you're footing the bill?

Otae Yes, we're going all out to celebrate the reopening.

Shin Uh, nobody gave you permission to do that, Sis!

Saigo Okay! We'll be drinking 'til morning, Kyoshiro-sama!

Shin Wait! Kyoshiro-san!

Otae Enjoy yourselves.

Kyo H-Help...

Madao The Madame isn't even here and he's already asking for help.

Kagura No, he's literally asking for help,

Kagura as in "oh my god help me please," so we can ignore him.

Shin We can't ignore him!

Shin And the Madame is about to come!

Shin We haven't even started,

Shin and Kyoshiro-san has already been hunted down by the monsters!

Kyo Help...

To Be Continued

Next EpisodeGirls Like Vegeta, Guys Like Piccolo

Gin Next time

All Girls like Vegeta, guys like Piccolo!

Uninvited guests keep showing up!! Madame Yagami also arrives!!

GIN and the other hosts must make do without Kyoshiro. What will happen?!