05x50 - When Sleeping Under a Kotatsu, Make Sure You Don't Burn Your Balls

[bunniefuu]

Spring is here.

Gin Happy New Year!

Shin To all the people who helped us last year

Shin and all the viewers who watched this show.

Shin Yeah, if you wanted to sneak in a New Year greeting

at the beginning of an episode,

Shin you should have done it last week

Shin since the last episode was about New Year's envelopes.

Shin Hey!

Shin I can understand if you're too lazy to respond,

Shin but that doesn't make it okay to fart!

Shin That's plain rude!

Shin Hey!

Kotatsu

Gin Do you think it's possible that humans evolved from kotatsu?

Shin What are you talking about?

Gin Humans are drawn to kotatsu by DNA.

Gin Isn't there a mythical creature that looks like this?

Gin Maybe humans and kotatsu used to be one and the same.

Shin I've never seen anything like that before.

Gin And then evolution gave us what is now

Gin humankind.

Shin That's a pretty biased example to use for humankind.

Kagura So we're trying to reunite with the kotatsu!

Sa You've finally realized the truth!

Sa It's time to unite with me, Gin-san!

Shin I have a feeling this was devolution.

The End

Shinsengumi Station

New Year Greetings

Yama Gantan.

Yama Gantan?

Yama Gantan.

Yama Ganpan.

Yama Antan.

Yama Anpan!

Yama Anpan!

The End

Recycling CenterEarth Defense Base

Gin Hey.

Gin Excuse me, can you buy this off me?

A Cut it out already.

A This isn't a dump.

Gin I'm not sure what's wrong, but the thermostat isn't working.

Sa You have to be stronger!

Gin I can't switch it off the strong setting.

A I thought the last segment ended!

Gin Can I trade this for something kotatsu-like?

A We don't deal in human trade.

Gin Huh?

Gin Hey, you've got a nice one here.

A Wait, that's...

When Sleeping Under a Kotatsu, Make Sure You Don't Burn Your Balls

Odd Jobs Gin-chanSnack Otose

Shin Good morning!

Shin Huh?

Shin Again?

Shin They're so hopeless.

Shin Hey!

Shin You're going to catch a cold if you sleep under the kotatsu!

Shin Cut that out! It's a disgrace!

Shin You too, Sadaharu!

Shin It's the first episode of the new year, and you're just sitting around.

Shin Everything is within reach of the kotatsu.

Shin How lazy can you be?

Gin Shut up.

Gin I'm staying here because it's cold.

Gin What's wrong with being lazy on New Year's, stupid?

Shin You're lazy every single day of the year!

Kagura Pachi-boy, I decided to

Kagura marry the kotatsu.

Kagura I can't live without it.

Otsu Everyone, Happy New Year!

Shin The kotatsu doesn't want a bride who never moves.

Otsu Thank you for coming to my concert on such a busy day to show your supportapoop!

Shin Could you get out of there?

Shin The fridge is empty because we haven't gone shopping recently.

Shin We don't have food for lunch.

Kagura What? We don't need to go shopping.

Kagura I've got lunch right here.

Kagura Piping hot meat buns.

Shin Uh, that's disgusting!

Shin You're not supposed to use a kotatsu that way!

Kagura Fine, you don't get any then.

Kagura Gin-chan, where's the mustard?

Gin We have some,

Mustard

Gin but it's beyond the horizon.

Kagura Then I'll use the toothpaste.

Shin Enough already!

Shin Why do you have to be so lazy on the first episode of the year?!

Shin I understand the desire to be comfortable, but you're too comfortable!

Shin You've been like this ever since we got the new kotatsu!

Shin What if the little kids follow your example?!

Shin Can you pull it together?!

Shin Where's the plug?

Gin There isn't one.

Shin Don't lie to me!

Where is it?! Where did you hide it?!

Gin I said that there isn't one.

Shin Don't play dumb!

Shin If there isn't a plug, how do you turn it on?!

Gin There's no need to turn it off.

Gin Because

we're never leaving...

Shin S-Space...

Shin No, this is...

Shin This is a black hole!

Otsu That was "Your Brother is a ****"!

Otsu Thank you for listeningapoop!

All Thank you!

Otsu Does everyone love me?

All We love you!

Otsu Does everyone love me?

All We love you!

Otsu But the mothers in the PTA don't like this song very much.

Gin What are you doing, Pachi-boy?

Gin Cut down the racket.

Shin Wait!

Shin H-Hold on!

Shin Wh-What is this?!

Shin What's up with this kotatsu?!

Shin How is there a black hole under the kotatsu?!

Gin What are you talking about?

That's how every kotatsu works.

Gin Once you get under one, you can never leave.

Gin A square black hole that sucks

motivation from humans and grants pure ecstasy.

Gin That's what a kotatsu is.

Shin I've never heard that scary explanation before!

Shin That's not what I mean!

Shin There's something down there!

Shin I'm literally stuck now!

Shin Where did you find this thing, Gin-san?!

Anti-Evil Ward

Gin They needed to find a way to dispose of it, so they gave it to me for free.

Gin I really like the design.

Gin Isn't it nice?

Shin The design?

Shin There are a bunch of creepy wards everywhere!

Shin What was it she said?

Shin The previous owner used this kotatsu to seal King Something-lo.

Shin It sounded scary, so I just ignored her and brought the kotatsu home.

Shin Uh, you heard the scary part!

Shin You only left out the "Picco"!

Shin King Piccolo's in there!

Gin Don't worry, it's not King Piccolo.

Gin I think it was King Diablo.

Shin That's even scarier!

And you're missing the point!

Shin So what does this mean?!

Shin Have we been sealed inside this kotatsu?!

Shin It's not that you don't want to get out, you can't!

Shin What are we going to do?!

Shin We're supposed to spend

the first episode of the year sitting under a kotatsu?!

Kagura Not just the first episode.

We'll be spending the entire year here.

Shin That can't last!

Gin What's wrong with being lazy for a bit?

Gin Pachi-boy, this is our sixth year.

Gin We may be following the Sazae-san tradition of never aging,

Gin but I'm almost mentally.

Gin Mentally, I'm almost bald.

Shin Mentally?! You're physically bald!

Gin I'm tired of working this combover every week.

Gin Can't I just not worry about my hair for once?

Kagura Yeah, after six years, I've learned how to talk straight.

Kagura I'm tired of sounding stupid.

Shin That's crazy talk!

Kagura I'm tired of living a lie!

Shin Why are you bald?!

Shin Wh-What are you people doing?!

Shin You're supposed to be the main character and heroine in a Jump anime!

Gin Shut up. Don't be such a nag.

Kagura We took a whole year off so there

would be enough manga to resume the anime,

Kagura but now we're slacking again.

Gin When an episode in March

Gin is based on a chapter from the first issue of Jump that year,

Gin it's clear that there's a timing issue.

Gin We had two months to produce this episode?

Shin Hey!

Shin Stop it!

Shin That's a really delicate issue right now!

Shin You're not supposed to open that door right now!

Kagura They didn't plan ahead properly.

Kagura Any kid could tell you that a

chapter won't give you an entire episode.

Kagura The problem is when you have people

who don't plan ahead planning anime.

Gin Yeah, I'm getting sick of everything!

Shin Th-This is bad.

Shin They're losing all their motivation to the evil kotatsu!

Shin I need to get out of here before I go bald!

Shin Forget the animation quality, this anime is in trouble.

Shin I need to call for help!

Shin Somebody's here!

Shin Excuse me! Help us!

Shin We can't move!

Shin Please come in!

Zura What's that? Is something wrong, Shinpachi-kun?

Shin Katsura-san!

Zura This is pathetic!

Zura Gintoki, a warrior should not be living in squalor!

Zura You should be ashamed!

Shin Katsura-san, please listen to me!

Zura Silence! You can make excuses later!

Shin You've got it wrong!

Shin Listen to me first! Katsura-san, this is...

Zura It's not Katsura. It's Zura.

Zura Brr, I'm freezing.

Shin He went bald instantly!

Shin Hey! I told you to listen to me!

Shin Why are you immediately getting under the kotatsu?!

Shin And what's with that gross forehead?!

Zura Well, it's so cold outside.

Zura Too cold to be engaging in Joi activities.

Zura Though it's not just winter, since my body's starting to give out on me.

Zura My back hurts, my insurance doesn't cover anything,

Zura and I got weird monsters pestering me.

A trifecta of suck.

Shin Who is this old man?!

Zura Honestly, I envy you, Gintoki.

Zura I'm starting to think that I should have gotten a normal job.

Gin No, it's the same for everyone now,

Gin given the economy.

Shin Hey!

Shin When did this turn into a reunion for old geezers?!

Zura Sakamoto's the only one of us who's doing well.

Zura Takasugi went off his rocker.

Zura Though his family was always rich.

Zura So we work our entire lives and we're still worse off than those rich people.

Gin Pretty much.

Gin So we should go back to our kotatsu and rethink life.

Shin How do you go back to your kotatsu?

Shin Shouldn't you be going back to your hometown instead?

Zura But aren't you going to settle things with Takasugi?

Gin Takasugi? Who are you talking about?

Gin I've forgotten who he is since he never shows up.

Gin I'll just write some bad stuff about him on an online forum

and that'll be the end of that.

Shin How does that settle anything?!

Zura Yeah, if we bring him in, we'll have to

go through the trouble of a Joi past arc.

Zura Do you have anything in mind?

Gin Hell no.

Gin What about you?

Zura What actually happened in our past?

Gin No kidding.

Shin Shut up! Just shut up!

Shin You're not supposed to say that stuff!

Shin It's over!

Shin This anime is falling apart!

Shin Someone save us!

Otae Oh, why are you making such a racket, Shin-chan?

Kyu Did something happen?

Shin Sis! Kyubei-san!

Otae Oh, everyone's together for a New Year's party!

Shin What?! It's balding hell in here!

Shin Sis, stay away!

Shin If you get under the kotatsu, you'll never be able to leave!

Shin It'll take away all your motivation

and turn you into a shell of a heroine!

Otae You should have told me sooner!

Shin Huh? Who is that?

Shin Where did that old man come from?

Otae I'm sick of this.

Otae Why do I only get brief appearances?

Otae What do you take me for?!

Shin Sis?!

Shin You've already mastered that style?!

Shin You're more like an old man than a real old man!

Shin And why won't any of you listen to me?!

Kyu T-Tae-chan!

Shin Kyubei-san! You're the only one who can help us!

Shin Please do something!

Kyu Man and woman. We can finally be together

Shin How?! You're both old men now!

Kyu I screwed up!

Otae Now, now.

Otae Forget about men and women and just relax.

Shin You're nothing more than an old man now!

Kyu But strangely enough, I feel satisfied

Kyu A kotatsu is a mysterious thing.

Kyu If I can be under the same kotatsu as Tae-chan,

Kyu it doesn't matter if I'm a man or a woman.

Shin I just said that you're an old man!

Otae I don't think I care about reviving the dojo anymore.

Shin The kotatsu has nothing to do with our dojo!

Otae Honestly, I'd given up around the third year of the anime.

Otae On the dojo and on my brother.

Shin Why do you look so happy as you slander me?!

Kagura Yeah, it's not easy to be unmarried with a kid at that age.

Shin I'm not her kid!

Kagura He said he would help you revive the dojo,

Kagura but he just stands around while his sister works at a cabaret club.

Shin Could you stop badmouthing me?

Gin I've heard that he spends his time fooling

around at some kind of odd job.

Gin He's like a cancer.

Shin Aren't you my boss?!

Gin Why would you want to learn about samurai?

Gin That's so general.

Gin It's like a person who says he wants to be a musician

Gin and performs on the street instead of auditioning.

Shin What's wrong with performing on the street?!

I'm gonna k*ll you!

Kagura You'd be better off just sitting under a kotatsu.

Otae That's right. Just kick back and relax.

Shin It's no use! The situation's only getting worse!

Shin Isn't there a savior out there to help?!

Kondo Shinpachi-kun, you don't need to worry.

Kondo You aren't the only ones relaxing.

Shin You were down there?!

Shin You two can't help! You need help!

Shin These are the characters who are always failing!

Sa I'm getting tired of being a stalker.

Kondo It's time for us to graduate.

Shin Did you forget that you just popped out from under the kotatsu?!

Sa I've worked so hard to win his love.

Sa I did everything humanly possible.

Sa But I've finally noticed that there's

been someone else waiting for me.

Shin Nobody's waiting for you.

Sa Once I realized that, I lost interest.

Kondo Yeah, I know what you mean.

Kondo Then the tables are turned.

Kondo We've always been on the pursuing side.

Kondo It feels weird to be pursued.

Shin Nobody's after you!

Shin And why are two bald people engaging in girl talk?

Zura I see, so we're tired of pursuing and being pursued.

Zura Yes, I learned that lesson the hard way.

Zura When I close my eyes, I can remember

the days spent in pursuit and being pursued.

Shin Uh, Katsura-san, you've only ever been pursued!

Shin You've always got the cops on your tail!

Zura Then let's forget everything and relax.

Shin Why are you acting like you're not a criminal?!

Kondo That's right. We are no longer Shinsengumi and Joi.

Kondo Starting today,

Both we're lazy bums.

Shin That's not touching at all!

Shin You're both just failing at life!

Madao Oh, everyone's here.

Gin Hey, you're late, Hasegawa-san.

Madao Sorry, sorry.

Shin Why are you bald before you even got under the kotatsu?!

Shin You didn't have any motivation to begin with!

Shin And what do you mean he's late?

Shin Is there some way for lazy people to communicate with each other?!

Gin Okay, now that everyone's here, let's relax.

Shin What the hell is this?!

Shin Why do you have to act like this in the first episode of the new year?!

Shin This is an anime.

Shin You're supposed to move.

Shin I'll k*ll you.

Kagura Oh, sorry.

Gin Uh, you're breathing on me.

Sa Sadaharu-kun, could you move over a little?

Kondo Wait, there's no room over here.

Sa Oh, sorry.

All We can't relax.

Shin No shit!

Gin Leave!

Gin You're taking up all the space so I can't even turn over!

Gin I bought this kotatsu so I could relax!

Gin Why are you people trying to relax in someone else's home?!

Madao You always get to relax!

Madao Why don't you leave?!

Sa Excuse me! This is Gin-san's home!

Sa Outsiders should scram!

Kagura You're also an outsider!

Kondo How about we get rid of this dog first?!

Otae We should kick the gorilla out first!

Gin Stop whining, freaks! None of you paid for this!

Zura You didn't pay anything either!

Kyu I can't even get out of here!

Kyu What's wrong with this kotatsu?!

Zura Oh! Stop pushing!

Gin Outta the way! I wanna relax!

Gin Huh?

Gin What were we doing?

Gin Hey, Shinpa—

Shin I'm too lazy to say anything.

Odd Jobs Gin-chanSnack Otose

All Sorry.

Next TimeUntitled