09x12 - The Line Between Godlike Games and Shitty Games Is Paper-Thin/Glasses Are a Part of the Soul

[bunniefuu]

Gintama,OP Card: Gintama

Slip Arc,OP Card: Slip Arc

Gin: Gintama Rumble?

Gin: What the heck is this?

Warning: Enjoy Gintama Rumble in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!!

Shin: What do you mean? It's an upcoming game.

Shin: Following the success of the Gintama board game,

Shin: Bandai Namco went all-out to make another game adaptation.

Kag: And it's an actual action game this time, as you can tell from the "Rumble."

Kag: It's got tons more money investedin it than the board game.

Gin: What's the point of making an action game when we don't have any special moves?

Gin: Talk about living in denial.

Gin: At least it was kinda cute when they made the board game in desperation.

Shin: Hey, quit complaining.

Gin: What's even going on with the rights? Don't you think this is weird, Bamco?

missing: ,Sugar Content

Shin: Our protagonist discussing our game is weirder, if you ask me.

Gin: True, we never really talked about it before.

Gin: Regardless of who made games about us or how badly they bombed,

Gin: we pretended not to notice.

Shin: Stop being rude, or we'll never get another game!

Gin: Besides, the licensed-game genre has always been a hotbed of shitty games.

Shin: They're not shitty! They're made with love and affection!

Gin: But if we don't produce a hit soon, sponsors might give up on the whole franchise.

Gin: That could lead to a reduction of cross-media promotions and merch

Gin: and ultimately affect even the anime.

Shin: Uh, the anime isn't really one to talk.

Gin: Talk about reckless, making an action game while we weren't paying attention.

Gin: It'll be in the bargain bin within a few months, no doubt.

Shin: Don't jinx it before the release! It's gonna sell like hotcakes!

Gin: I dunno about other Jump protags,

Gin: but as an adult protag, I'm gonna point out problems when I see them.

Shin: You're the biggest problem here!

Shin: I've never heard of a protag meddling in his franchise's merch!

Gin: I'm saying I can't just sit back and let Bamco handle it all.

Gin: In this day and age, any protag worth his salt has to oversee all the merch.

Gin: On that note...

Title: The Line Between Godlike Games and Shitty Games Is Paper-Thin

Sign: Bandai Namco

Sign: Lab A

Tama: Main system successfully infiltrated.

missing: ,Authenticating

Unlocked,Sign: Unlocked

Tama: Hacking complete.

Gin: Great. Let's fix up Gintama Rumble by ourselves.

Shin: Hey! What do you think you're doing right before the release?!

Gin: We're gonna do all we can to make a game that has a chance of selling a million.

Shin: Yeah, right!

Shin: Do you really think we're gonna get away with sneaking in here and doing whatever?

Shin: They've almost finished making a really fun game!

Gintama_Rumble: ,Gintama Rumble

Shin: People with no game dev experience should keep their noses out of this!

Gin: Don't be naïve.

Gin: Sure, it might be a fun game.

Gin: But I wanna ask Bamco this:

Gin: "Do you guys really want to score a hit?"

Gintama_Rumble,Sign: Gintama Rumble

Gin: If they were serious about it,

Gintama_Rumble,Sign: Gintama Rumble

Gin: this is what would happen, obviously.

Shin: Like hell!

Shin: Don't try to claw your way into a super-hit series!

Gin: There's a ton of them already, so nobody'll notice if we slip ourselves in.

Gin: Can't go wrong Tales-of-ing basically anything in life.

Shin: What the hell is "Tales-of-ing"? What kinda verb is that?

Gin: Ignoring our crude original work is fine.

Gin: We're totally up for Tales-of-ing off of them.

Shin: More like Tales of hitching a ride on their backs!

Shin: Talk about riding on someone else's coattails!

Tama: Roger.

Tama: You want to be carried one way or another.

Shin: Hey, Tama-san!

Tama: So switching to a fantasy RPG, basically?

Shin: Wait a sec! What about the "Rumble" part?

Gintama_Rumble,Sign: Gintama Rumble

Shin: That's the USP of this game, you know!

Kag: That won't be hard to work around. We can just name the protag Rumble or something.

Shin: Who? This will be a Gintama game, right?

Gin: Great idea. I really hate game protags who talk too much.

Gin: In order to provide the best immersion,

Gin: he should say nothing but "yes" and "no," like in DQ.

Gin: So Gin-san doesn't have to be the protag here.

Gin: The protag has no personality, only speaks when required,

Tales_of_Rumble,Sign: Tales of Rumble

Gin: and his name is Tales of Rumble.

Shin: But Rumble's dripping with personality!

Shin: Even if he doesn't say a word, his back tells the whole story!

Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan

Sign: Snack Otose

Gin: Rumble comes to Edo, joins Odd Jobs,

Gin: and rescues the kidnapped princess with us, is the story.

Shin: Who would self-insert into this rugged old man?

Shin: He's clearly the guy who normally kidnaps the princess!

Sign: Hello, Rumble. Welcome to Odd Jobs.

Gin: Hello, Rumble. Welcome to Odd Jobs.

Sign: Before you join, I'd like to know your affinity. Is that okay?

Gin: Before you join, I'd like to know your affinity. Is that okay?

Sign: I'm SI'm M

Shin: What happened to "yes" and "no"?!

Shin: How many things could you respond to with that?!

Gin: All an RPG protag needs to say is whether he's S or M.

Gin: That'd let him choose his size at the armor shop, too.

Text M: ,Which size armor would you like?

Sign: I'm M

Gin: Rumble's L-sized, though.

Shin: What's the point, then? The leather armor would be too tight on him!

Gin: Also, you recover HP at Starbecks, not inns, giving the game a modern, hip feel.

Gin: The options should come in handy there, too.

Sign: Would you like that in short, tall, or grande?

Shin: He can't order anything!

Shin: The grande and stuff is too trendy for him! He's freaking out!

Gin: Don't worry. HP might be difficult,

Gin: but buying rope and candles from the item shop will let you recover MP.

Sign: I'm M

Shin: That's Masochist Points!

Shin: Why is "M" the only choice you can make in this game?!

Shin: Hey! Who the hell would want to control such a gross protag?

Gin: Relax. It only looks so graphic because this is a cinematic scene.

Gin: Most of the time, he'll be super-deformed.

Shin: The protag is practically a corpse?

Gin: Games these days are too reliant on FMVs.

Gin: Graphics only need to be detailed in climactic scenes.

Gin: The rest of the time, they should be left up to the player's imagination.

Sign: Shinpachi: "Big trouble, Gin-san!"

Shin: What do you think you're leaving to imagination?!

Shin: What happened to the body? Are you saying that's a waste of resources, too?!

Sign: Someone kidnapped the princess.

Shin: Hey! Why're the glasses dragging a coffin around?!

Shin: Does it mean what I think it means?!

Kag: With that, we've got a full party.

Gin: Yeah. The four of them will now begin their adventure.

Gintoki_____Kagu,Sign: GintokiKaguraRumbleShinpachi

Shin: They've practically been wiped out from the start! Hurry up and visit the church!

Sign: A monster appeared.

Kag: Look, an enemy.

Rotten,Sign: Rotten Shades ()ATKDEFWORK

Shin: Why is everyone, ally or enemy, a corpse?!

Shin: Why is Hasegawa-san a monster?!

Gin: That's not Hasegawa-san. It's Rotten Shades ().

Shin: So Hasegawa-san, then!

Sign: Rotten Shades calls for backup...

Sign: Rotten Shades calls for backup... but no help arrives.

Sign: Rotten Shades calls for backup...

Sign: Rotten Shades calls for backup... but no help arrives.

Sign: Rotten Shades calls for backup...

Sign: Rotten Shades calls for backup... but no help arrives, obviously.

Shin: Somebody help him!

Sign: Rotten Shades is defeated.

Shin: What did he even show up for? All he's done is embarrass himself!

Sign: Rotten Shades gets up and looks at you like he wants work. Will you give him a job?

Shin: "He wants work"? What's that supposed to mean?

Shin: Wait, is he gonna join the party? You can save the Rotten Shades?

Sign: I'm S

Shin: Somebody save him!

Shin: I don't see a choice to save Rotten Shades ()!

Gin: Games have gotten too indifferent to k*lling and looting, right?

Gin: You k*ll monsters for XP and open chests in strangers' homes for items.

Gin: By giving the players a choice in this scenario,

Gin: we want them to learn how much people sin in everyday life.

Shin: Can we really make kids play a game where they finish off a half-dead guy?

Gin: Our lives are being supported by countless deaths.

Gin: We wanna teach kids that through this game.

Gin: So the more Rotten Shades you k*ll, the more coffins you'll be dragging around.

Shin: We don't need any more corpses!

Shin: This is so depressing, it'll only make people lose motivation to play!

Sign: GintokiKaguraRumbleShinpachi

Kag: We lost HP.

Kag: What caused it?

Sign: GintokiJob: NEET

Gin: Looks like I got infected by NEET in the fight against the Rotten Shades.

Sign: Why is NEET a poison-like status effect?

Gin: It reduces the motivation stat to zero, preventing the use of items or heals.

Sign: ATKDEFMOTWALK

Gin: You also lose the energy to walk, so HP is gradually lost.

Gin: And eventually...

Text M Red,Sign: The party is wiped out.

Shin: NEET is way too scary!

Gin: Of course it is. Being a NEET is terrifying.

Gin: You know how a lot of people are goofing off after finishing their education lately?

Gin: We want to show them how important it is to work.

Shin: But you're not. All you're showing them is an absurd fear of NEETdom!

Enquiry,Sign: Enquiries

Gin: Don't worry. Those who are up for the fight will get another chance.

Sign: This is Hello Work. We can refer you to a workplace.

Shin: What? You come back to life at Hello Work, not a church?

Gin: So long as you never give up, you can start anew over and over.

Sign: Choose your new job.

Sign: S, pleaseM, please

Shin: Excuse me! In the end, S and M are the only jobs I can take!

Sign: Choose quickly.

Sign: Choose quickly.Could you hurry up?

Gin: Huh? The staff are acting weird.

Sign: It doesn't matter which.

Sign: It doesn't matter which.Come on...

Sign: It doesn't matter which.Come on...Man... This is a pain.

Text M Red,Sign: Hello Work is wiped out.

Shin: NEET is way too scary!

Shin: Why has it infected theHello Work staff, too?!

Gin: Sometimes, even Hello Work people don't wanna work.

Gin: I wanted to show the player that.

Shin: Do you wanna make them work or not?

Text M Red,Sign: Edo is wiped out.

Gin: At this point, all you can do is reset and start over.

Shin: Who was it that said you can start anew so long as you don't give up?!

Gin: Shaddup!

Gin: You think you can auto-revive when you're wiped out? Life ain't that easy!

Gin: Those of us who grew up on Wizardry

Gin: had to form another party to go recover our bodies once we got wiped out.

Gin: After all that trouble, we'd take them to the temple to revive,

Gin: but sometimes we'd fail and lose our characters forever.

Shin: Enough with your "back in my day" crap!

Shin: There's no way modern kids could deal with this masochistic design!

Kag: That's it. Making them reset is going too far.

Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan

Sign: Snack Otose

Kag: We can just make them form a new party to save us NEETs.

Sign: Welcome to Kabuki District, Rumblee.

Oto: Welcome to Kabuki District, Rumblee.

Shin: Rumblee?!

Kag: Rumble had a kid sister.

Kag: She's come to Kabuki District in order to save him.

Shin: I get it! Twin protags!

Sign: I'm impressed by your resolve to save your NEET brother.

Oto: I'm impressed by your resolve to save your NEET brother.

Sign: But this town is overrun with NEET now.

Oto: But this town is overrun with NEET now.

Sign: Rumblee,

Oto: Rumblee, can you really...

Sign: Rumblee,can you really...

Sign: save your brother?!

Oto: save your brother?!

MADAO_Hazard,Sign: MADAO Hazard

Voice: MADAO Hazard.

Shin: It turned into a completely different game!

Kag: Act Two, Tales of Madao Hazard,

Kag: is a survival-horror game set in a Kabuki District taken over by NEETs.

Shin: Why have NEETs turned into a resident evil biohazard?!

Kag: The player must cut through wave after wave of NEETs.

Shin: What happened to the girl who came here to save a NEET?!

Kag: The objective is to reach NEET Rumble!

Shin: Rumble's totally become the last boss!

Sign: Oh, no. Shinpachi's been completely consumed.

Shin: What do you mean, "consumed"? Just how terrifying is the NEET virus?

Sign: Shinpachi... Rumble...

Kag: Shinpachi... Rumble...

Sign: Don't give up! There must be a way to make them work!

Gin: Don't give up!

Gin: There must be a way to make them work!

Shin: How come you two get to be Rumblee's party members and I don't?!

Sign: Fire that thing into their asses. It'll send them flying all the way to Hello Work.

Mad: Fire that thing into their asses.

Mad: It'll send them flying all the way to Hello Work.

Shin: Hey! Why's the NEET who caused all this showing up now like he's here to help?!

Sign: However, there's only one work slot open.

Mad: However, there's only one work slot open.

Sign: Unfortunately, one of the two will beerased along with the NEET virus.

Mad: Unfortunately, one of the two will be erased along with the NEET virus.

Shin: Say what?!

Sign: Press A for Shinpachi-kun.Press B for Rumble.

Mad: Press A for Shinpachi-kun.Press B for Rumble.

Sign: Press A for Shinpachi-kun.Press B for Rumble.Now, choose one!

Mad: Now, choose one!

Shin: H-How are you supposed to choose—

Sign: I'm S

Shin: You too?!

Shin: In the end, all three NEETs got wiped out!

Shin: Can both siblings only speak in S and Ms?!

Shin: How the hell were they raised?!

Kag: There you have it.

Gin: Pretty good.

Shin: Like hell it is!

Shin: This game has nothing to do with even the G of Gintama!

Shin: And what happened to the stuff about the kidnapped princess, anyway?!

Gin: The princess doesn't exist anymore. Everyone turned into a NEET.

Shin: Just how half-assed is this story?!

Tama: Shinpachi-sama...

Tama: The kidnapped princess, and the slain Rumble and friends...

Tama: There's one way to recover them all.

Shin: Really, Tama-san?

Tama: The princess is fine.

Tama: Funnily enough, she escaped the NEET outbreak because she was kidnapped.

Tama: She was being held c*ptive by terrifying monsters

Tama: in a world where no living person can ever set foot.

Shin: D-Don't tell me...

Tama: Yes. In order to gain tickets to the afterlife and save the princess,

Tama: Rumble and g*ng risked their lives and separated their bodies and souls.

Tama: Their new forms showed no traces of the time they spent as MADAOs.

Tama: History would come to know them as...

Super_MADAO_Brot,Sign: Super {\c&HEE&}MA{\c&HFFD&}DA{\c&HFDFC&}O {\c&HC&}Brothers

Shin: Forget recovering anything!It just made an even bigger mess!

Shin: Are you seriously going to start a third act at this point?

Shin: How many coattails are you people gonna crap on?!

Tama: But they've found work as plumbers now, and the princess will be rescued, too.

Tama: Everyone will be saved.

Shin: Not Bamco!

Gin: Okay, fine. We'll move on to a guy named Bamco Lord van Damme as the protag and—

Shin: Enough!

G: So we can either go with something like this or the action game showed before.

Sign: Gintama Rumble Pitch

G: Which should we release, President?

Bandai_Namco - Copy,Sign: Bandai Namco

Prez: I'm S!

Tae: Take care.

Shin: Uh, something seems off.

Title: Glasses Are a Part of the Soul

Sign: Zoff's Eyewear

Zo: So, what kind of glasses are you looking for?

Zo: Normal ones like these.

Zo: I broke them while half-asleep.

Zo: All the trendy stores are too expen—wait, don't take it the wrong way!

Zo: It's fine. We place more importance on visibility than appearance.

Zo: Glasses take the place of their wearer's eyes to see things.

Zo: They're a second pair of eyes.

Zo: Why don't you try these?

Zo: They have a bit of a rock style, though.

Shin: Uh, is this really rock?

Zo: They're called the Curr Sedd Glasses.

Shin: Curr Sedd Glasses?

Zo: These will let you see through all the world's truths clearly and distinctly.

Shin: Clearly and distinctly?

Zo: Indeed.

Zo: All of nature and creation, clearly and distinctly.

Shin: Uh, this goes beyond clearly and distinctly.

Shin: I'm clearly and distinctly seeing things that I shouldn't be seeing.

Shin: "Curr Sedd Glasses"?

Shin: These are just cursed glasses!

Guardian_Spirit,Sign: GuardianSpirit

Vo: Guardian spirit.

Shin: It started analyzing things!

Sign: Guardian spirits are spiritsthat follow a person or other entity and protect them. Also known as tutelary deitiesor guardian angels.

Sign: Guardian spirits are spiritsthat follow a person or other entity and protect them. Also known as tutelary deities or guardian angels.-Extract from Vikipedia

Shin: It just copy-pasted from Vikipedia?!

Shin: Why can I see guardian spirits? These glasses are no joke!

Shin: And I can't unequip these cursed glasses!

Shin: That geezer!

Shin: What the hell does he think he's sold me?!

Shin: He'll pay for this!

Shin: Th-The store's gone...

Shin: No way.

Shin: Was that store itself an otherworldly eyewear store?

Shin: What am I to do?

Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan

Shin: Gin-san!

Shin: Please help me!

Gin: What?

Gin: I can't deal with all this noise so early, man.

Gin: What is it? You see something scary?

Sign: One word and you're dead.

Shin: N-No, it's nothing.

Shin: There was a huge one here, too!

Shin: Gin-san has one crazy guardian spirit!

Gin: What's wrong with you? Do you wanna be k*lled?

Shin: I-I'm sorry. Please don't k*ll me.

Gin: Seriously, what's gotten into you?

Shin: Spirit, nothing! That's practically a monster!

Shin: Has this thing always been by Gin-san's side since the anime started years ago?

Gin: I'm busy as sh*t this morning, y'know.

Gin: I have so much to do, even an extra arm wouldn't be enough.

Shin: But you're using six arms!

Shin: Your guardian spirit's helping you with your morning stuff!

Gin: You should hurry up and get ready, too.

Gin: We're being forced to take part in the neighborhood sports meet.

Spirit L,Sign: Chew well.

Spirit R,Sign: What about rice?Want a normal serving or large?

Shin: What're you, a mom?!

Shin: And what does this look like without the glasses?

Gin: Oh, the miso soup moved.

Shin: A guardian spirit was behind the moving miso soup phenomenon?

Gin: I need to take a dump.

Shin: That's how the morning call of nature worked?!

Gin: Huh? Hey, who forgot to flush their poop?!

Shin: The unflushed poop was a guardian spirit's?!

Shin: I-I had no idea

Shin: that they were supporting our lifestyles this way.

Shin: But who knows what'd happen to me if I exposed this?

Shin: Anyway, I can't believe Gin-san had such a rugged guardian spirit.

Shin: No wonder he's so strong.

Shin: Is he an ancestor of his, or some god his family worshiped?

Text L,Sign: Guardian Spirit Asuraman.

Voice: Guardian Spirit Asuraman.

Spirit Text L,Sign: Guardian Spirit Asuraman.Sakata Gintoki's guardian spirit.The spirit of Ginnikuman erasershe got from capsule machines as a kid.

Shin: He was a Ginraser spirit?!

Shin: What the hell do you mean, an eraser's spirit?!

Spirit Text R,Sign: He got seven Asuramans, so he threw away six. The vengeful malice of the six formed a spirit that plots to exact revenge on its host when it gets the chance.

Shin: This is no guardian spirit! It's just a vengeful ghost!

Sign: Toilet

Gin: Hey, we're out of toilet paper!

Spirit Text R,Sign: Special ability: making minor things disappearwith its eraser.

Shin: That's some petty revenge!

Gin: Shinpachi! Bring me some TP!

Sign: I'll k*ll you if you bring it!!

Gin: You there, Shinpachi?!

Gin: Hey! TP!

Shin: Sorry, Gin-san, but your guardian spirit has no intention of guarding you.

Gin: We're out of toilet paper, Shinpachi!

Gin: Wake up, Kagura!

Gin: Bring me toilet paper!

AA: Quiet. Forget that, bring me booze.

Shin: Who the hell is this dude?!

AA: Hup.

Sign: Guardian Spirit Alchu.

Voice: Guardian Spirit Alchu.

Sign: Guardian Spirit Alchu.Kagura's guardian spirit.The spirit of a p***monthat's super popular with kids.

Shin: What do you mean, Alchu? What is it, a ripoff?!

Sign: A miraculous monster born from a collaboration betweena drunkard and the P***chustuffed toy Kagura made asa poor child who wanted tobe part of the P***mon fad.

Kag: No! My P***chu!

Shin: That drunkard looks familiar!

Shin: Actually, the spirit looks just like him, too!

Spirit Text R,Sign: Swore absolute loyalty to theshochu that gave birth to him, stays with it, and protects itat all times.

Shin: He's just an alcoholic!

Gin: Kagura! TP!

AA: Oh, shut up.

AA: Gimme a sec. I'll go call Master.

AA: Master, shochu on the rocks.

Shin: Not a master bartender!

AA: Wake up, Master.

AA: We're out of shochu, Master.

Shin: Who wakes someone up like that?!

Kag: Ew, something stinks!

Shin: Is that why she always wakes up in a bad mood?!

AA: Master, get me sake.

AA: Sake, sake. Sake, okay?

AA: Sake, Sakay...

Kag: So sleepy...

AA: ...kay.

Kag: I wanna pee...

AA: ...kay.

Kag: Going to the bathroom...

Spirit Text R,Sign: Since alcohol is his primary sourceof energy, he's always requestingmore sake from his master.

AA: ...kay.

Shin: The 'kays were coming from you?!

Shin: That wasn't a verbal tic? It was just the ramblings of a drunkard?!

Kag: Hey, somebody in there? Tell me...

AA: ...kay.

Kag: What the heck? There's no response...

AA: ...kay.

Shin: Oh, I forgot about Gin-san.

Spirit Text L,Sign: Guardian Spirit TP Knight

Voice: Guardian Spirit TP Knight.

Why are you a spirit now?!

Spirit Text R,Sign: The ill-will over a lack of TP andnobody bringing it to him brings this spirit of Sakata Gintoki to life every morning.

Shin: You turn into a spirit over no paper? You do this crap every morning?!

Spirit Text R,Sign: While wandering to Matsu**to Kiyoshi fortoilet paper, it also walks Sadaharu ashis makeshift guardian spirit.

Shin: You were the one walking Sadaharu?!

AA: Take care of him.

Shin: My ass! You guys are totally useless!

Sign: Kabuki District Sports Meet

Oto: Thank you all for taking time out of your busy schedules to be here today.

Sign: Kabuki District Sports Meet

Gin: Jeez, why do old men and cabaret girls have to race one another?

Shin: Old men and cabaret girls would be one thing...

Shin: But all I'm seeing is a great underworld w*r!

TBC,Sign: To Be Continued

Title: Guardian Spirits Are Alsoa Part of the Soul

Shin: You know, this isn't even the right season for a sports meet!

TextR: Taking part in a big sports meet

TextL: while listening to Jingle Bells has its own charm.

TextR: But what becomes of Pachi-boy's glasses,

TextL: which have turned into something quite bizarre?