01x07 - Ain't Nothin' But a Pound Dog, parts 1 and 2

[bunniefuu]

MAN:
* Martha was an average dog

* She went... and... and...
(barking, growls)

* When she ate
some alphabet soup *

* Then what happened
was bizarre... *

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain
and now...

* She's got a lot to say

* Now she speaks...

How now, brown cow?

* Martha speaks, yeah,
she speaks and speaks *

* And speaks and speaks
and speaks... *

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

* Martha speaks...

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

* She's not always right,
but still that Martha speaks. *

Hi, there!

* She's got a voice,
she's ready to shout *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* Sometimes wrong
but seldom in doubt *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* That dog's unique...

Testing, one, two!

* Hear her speak

* Martha speaks and speaks

* And speaks and speaks
and... *

* Communicates, enumerates

* Elucidates, exaggerates

* Indicates and explicates

* Bloviates and overstates

and...
(panting)

* ...hyperventilates!

* Martha, to reiterate...

Martha speaks!
* Martha speaks.

You know, some stories
you just want

to tell in a song.

Fortunately,
I brought my guitar.

"Fortunate" means lucky,

so it's lucky for you
that I brought my guitar,

so we can have a song.

Unfortunately, I don't know
how to play it.

"Unfortunately" means
it's not lucky for you.

Fortunately, someone else
will be playing and singing,

so be sure to watch out
for all the words

that have to do
with things that are...

fortunate and unfortunate.

(blows musical chord)

MARTHA:
Well, I guess
I'm a pretty fortunate dog--

fortunate meaning
"lucky in life."

I have a home,

a family, a chewie or two,

but you never know
when you might go

from lucky to unlucky.

(pigeon cooing)

Aah! Hey!

Last week, I found out
what it's like to be unlucky,

so I wrote a song about it.

Uh, we'll get to that later.

For now, this is a story

about losing the most
precious thing of all:

your freedom.

You've got no right!

It's not fair!

Martha, you have to take a bath.

Get in there!

No, not the...
(whines)

...bubbles.

Martha, you're fortunate
to have a family

that gives you a bath
when you need one.

Having to do
something you hate

doesn't seem very
fortunate to me.

If you knew how many dogs
are all alone in the world,

maybe you'd appreciate
how fortunate you are.

MOM:
Helen!

Did you take out
the garbage yet?

I hear the truck
down the street.

Coming, Mom!

Come on,
let's dry you off, quick.

(giggling)

So, are you
fortunate

to have to take
out the garbage?

No, but Mom is fortunate
I take it out for her.

Okay, you're done.

I better hurry before the
garbage truck gets here.

Wait, you forgot my...!

I'll get
it later.

(sighs)

If you want something done...

(grunting)

(screams)

(sighs)

(bird twittering)

Noooooo!

It's okay, Mom--
the truck's still here.

(gasps)
No!

Stop the garbage!

Don't let them
take it away!

Stop!

Don't give him the garbage!

Whoa, how did you
get all wet again?

I slipped on the
slippery tub.

Stop! Come back!

Chasing after
garbage trucks.

That dog is acting
like... a dog.

After I cleaned her
and everything!

(auto-dial beeping)

(ring tone playing)

Animal Rescue--
this is Officer Kazuo.

An out-of-control dog?!

Chasing you?!

Covered in foam?!

Be right there.

(heavy metal
rock music playing)

Stop, my collar
is in there!

Turn off the machine, and
let me search for it!

(heavy metal
rock music playing)

Let's rock and roll.

My collar--

the thing that goes
around my neck!

Oh, good, can you
explain to him

that I'm searching
for my ...

(Martha's voice muted
by blaring rock music)

MARTHA:
Doesn't anybody here
understand human?!

What's that
stick thing for?

Okay, this is
where the song starts.

(upbeat country music playing)

* Well in this harsh old world,
you know *

* Luck can come
and luck can go *

* And you may think
that you're born free *

* But that's not how it works,
you see *

* 'Cause if you're caught
in the wrong spot *

* Then my friend,
you will end up in... *

* The pound

* The dog pound

* The animal shelter, that is

* The pooch hooch,
the doggy basket of steel. *

(dogs barking in distance)

(heavy metal rock music playing
through headphones)

You don't understand!

My collar got lost
in the garbage.

(lock buzzes)

(dogs barking)

In you go.

Wait!

I don't belong here!

(lock buzzes)
This is all
a mistake!

I have a family!

(barking)

What do you mean, "That's
what they all say?"

(sighs)

I wouldn't
worry, mi amor.

She's been gone
longer than this.

Sure, she probably
got a job on the radio

or phone banking
or something.

You don't think she
feels neglected, do you?

Neglected?
Martha?

How could she be neglected?

Neglected dogs are dogs
who are forgotten

or not looked after properly.

You take good
care of Martha.

You wash her,
you groom her.

She's hardly
neglected.

(gasps)
Washed?

¿Qué pasa?

I just realized.

I never put Martha's
collar back on

after her bath!

She doesn't
have her tags on.

The animal shelter.

Hello, I'm calling
to find out

if you picked up
a talking dog today.

Sir, I can't check the records
at the moment, but...

a talking dog?

Yes, a dog
that can speak.

Human language.

Sir, is this some
kind of joke?

No, it's not a joke.

I'm looking
for a talking...

(dial tone)

I guess that's a no, then.

MARTHA:
So, there I was,
back in the dog pound,

just like when I was a puppy.

It was a harsh, gloomy place,

full of tough dogs
who looked like they'd

just as soon bite you
as sniff you.

Most of them, anyway.

I hoped I wouldn't
be there long.

(growling)

Uh, sorry, is there a problem?

(barks)

Uh, I'll only be
here one day or two.

I don't mean to
cause any...

(barking)

My name?
Oh, I'm Martha.

What's your name?

(barks)
Pops?

Hiya, Pops. Uh, what
are you in for?
(barking)

Turned out he had a story
that was pretty rough.

(country music playing)

MARTHA:
* Ol' Pops was a junkyard dog
so tough *

* Not a cat in the city
would touch his stuff *

* Protecting his master's junk
from harm *

* He was a one-dog junkyard
burglar alarm *

* But then his master
sold the yard *

* And bought a car

* And left Pops far...

* Behind.

And he was abandoned.

Left behind, all alone,
abandoned.

Then there was Miranda.

Her story was pretty bad.

* Her name was Miranda,
a Yorkie-poodle cross *

* She did her business outside

* 'Cause she knew who was boss

* She stayed out of trouble,
never got into scrapes *

* Till one day her owner said

* "Hon, you don't match
the drapes" *

* And she was abandoned

* Left behind, all alone,
abandoned. *

(whimpering)

Each dog's story
was harsher than the next.

Estelle's owners moved
to a building

where no pets were allowed.

Streak, Butterscotch
and Mandarin

never had an owner.

They were deserted as puppies.

(whimpering)
Pretty rough.

I know how you feel.

(barks)

What a harsh thing to say.

Of course, I've had it rough!

Why, just today,
I had to take a bath.

Well, uh,
with bubbles,

and... and
they get...

they get in your nose.

(barks)

Well, sure, my family will come

for me in the morning,
but I know

what it's like
to be abandoned

and lonely, too.

(barks)
But I do!

I was once in the
pound, too, you know.

What if I told you
I had a plan

to get us all out
of here together?

(all barking, yipping)

(barking)

Leave it to me,
Pops, I have a plan.

Okay, time to come up
with a plan.

(clinking)

If I could just figure out

how to make something heavier
fly across the room.

Hmm...

Hah!

Yah!

(buzzes)

I did it! Yes!

We're out! We're out!

We're... uh... (sighs)

There must be something
I've overlooked.

(barks)

No, no, no.
If I overlooked something

that means I didn't think of it,
or I forgot it.

(barks)

Yes, I overlooked the fact
that we're all inside cages.

Thank you.

(sighs)

There must be some way...

(grunts)

Hey, pigeon!
Could I please get your help

down here?

Push in the other side of this.

(cooing)

What's in it for you?

No wonder they call you
flying rats.

Wait! Uh...

My owner's neighbors keep
a -pound bag of birdseed

in their garage.

You let me out,
I'll get you in.

(cooing)

Thanks.
Now you better stand back.

Yes! I'm free!

(barking)

(tires screech)

(gasps)

Negative.

Pound break is under control.

Repeat: Under control.

I must say, this is
unfortunate timing.

(growls)

Pops!

KAZUO:
Hey, Pops!

Get back here!

Hey!

You behave yourselves!

How come we just abandoned
all those others back there?

(barking)

You'll never make it, Pops!

Up ahead, the woods--
he can't follow us there.

(tires screech)

Pops, we're leaving them behind.

Deserted! Alone!

(barks)

How can we enjoy
being free when...

Gotcha!

Please, let Pops go.

I can explain.

Hey, that's enough
out of you.

Uh, so you noticed
I can talk?

Shh! Did I ask for your opinion?

Pops, what are you doing?

Look, we've been
through all this before.

You break out,
the world is harsh.

You feel lonely and neglected.

And three weeks later,

you're back
at the shelter again.

Come back, Pops.

We'll find you
a real family to live with.

That a boy.

In you go.

Okay, listen up.

I know this place
gets a little gloomy.

But I'm trying to find families
for all of you.

Trying to escape
doesn't help anybody.

Could I just ask...

KAZUO:
We will discuss it
in the morning.

Good night.

(switch clicks,
door closes)

(pigeon cooing)

MARTHA:
Yes, the birdseed deal
is still on.

Peepers.

...after some words
from these words.

MARTHA:
The Deserted Hot Dog,

a story by Martha.

TD:
Illustrated by TD.

Once upon a time,
there was a little hot dog.

It sat upon the barbecue grill
getting nice and cooked

with all of
its hot dog friends.

TD:
Hi, friends!

MARTHA (with deep voice):
Hi, hot dog!

MARTHA:
But then something
unfortunate happened.

Dad took the hot dogs away,

but he overlooked
the little one.

The little hot dog was...
deserted.

Does that mean
I get dessert?

No, "deserted" means
you've been left all alone.

All your friends
have deserted you.

The hot dog tried
to catch up with his friends,

but it only fell on the ground.

Oh! What will I do?!

I'm all deserted and alone.

To be continued
later in the show.

(upbeat country music plays)

MARTHA:
* Well, it was morning time
in that big ol' pound *

* But none of those dogs
was a happy hound *

* They dreamed of slippin' past
the gates *

* But there they were,
back in their crates *

* And the saddest part of all,
you see *

* Was that every one
of those dogs blamed me. *

Morning, Estelle.
Morning, Miranda.

(whimpering)

(groans)
(lock buzzes)

Howdy, boys and girls!

Hey, why the long faces?

It's morning.

Say hello to a new day.

Or not.

Hey, new dog.
What kind of chow do you like?

Bark once for Meaty Bix,
twice for Waggy Wafers.

My name is Martha.

And I'd like Meaty Bix, please.

I'm Kazuo.
And let's try this again.

Bark once for Meaty Bix,
twice for Waggy Wafers.

I don't need to bark!
I can talk!

Look, can I just
phone my family,

so they can take me back
where I belong?

I'm sorry, dogs
are not allowed

to make outgoing calls.

Miranda, I know you adore
your Waggy Wafers.

(barking)

But you said you hoped

all the dogs would find
families.

I've already got one.

Kid, you have no collar

to prove that you belong
to anyone.

If I let you use the phone,

next thing,
all the dogs will want to.

Didn't anyone call here,
looking for me?

Oh, somebody did call,
about a talking dog.

But how do I know
you're that talking dog?

...four-five-eight-three.

Wait-- what if you're just
calling another talking dog?

Kazuo!
(phone line clicks)

HELEN:
Hello?
Hi, it's me.

I'm in the animal shelter.

Thank goodness!

Are you all right?

What were you thinking,

running out of the house
like that?!

Anyone who cares enough
to yell that loud,

has got to be your family.

(lock buzzes)

It's been a pleasure
having you around, Martha.

Kazuo, why is it so hard
to find families

for the dogs to belong to?

Well, I guess people
just don't know about them.

I wish there were some way
we could show the humans

how great these dogs are.

(door opens)

Martha!

Oh, thank you so much
for finding her.

It will certainly be nice
to get you home again.

Oh, but I'm not leaving.

What?!

I've decided I can't
leave at all,

if my friends have
to stay here.

I can't just
abandon them.

Maybe we could adopt them.

Uh, that's
a lot of dogs.

And a lot of
responsibility.

If you adopt a dog,
that means you're promising

to make them
part of your family.

I couldn't let you
adopt them all

unless I knew you could
really take care of them.

But how can we get people
to want to adopt all the dogs?

They just have to meet them,
that's all.

Then they'll adore them.

But how do we do that?

I know! We sneak into people's
houses at night.

And then when they wake up,
bingo-- they have a dog.

It's like Christmas.

But that doesn't mean
they'll be good families.

Like Kazuo said, people really
have to want them

to be a part of their family.

Hmm... I guess
you're right.

(TV theme playing in distance)

Hey, you're missing
International Icon.

Oh, who cares?
It's only a talent show.

Only everybody.

BOTH:
Hey, a talent show!

You let everyone know,

and I'll stay here
and make sure we're ready.

You really think
this will work?

Of course.
Oh, I can't wait to see the look

on those dogs' faces
when I tell them.

(whimpering)

(whines)
(groans)

(growls)
(grumbles)

Come on, guys.
At least give it a shot.

What other chance do you have?

Right, Kazuo?

I think Martha's plan
just might work.

(curious grunting
and whining)

Look, I can't guarantee
anything,

but with your help,

I think I can make this
a success.

I can't promise
it's going to be easy.

It's going to mean work.

Work, work, and more work.

Day and night.

But if we pull this off,
you're going out there dogs,

but you'll be coming back...

Well, you'll-you'll
still, still be dogs.

But you'll have families!

Yeah!

(barking)

(growls)

Hi. Would you like to come see
"Wagstaff City's Top Dog"?

It's the most amazing
dog show ever.

If you're lucky,
you might go home

with a devoted,
loyal pet of your own.

We move around a lot.

My parents say it'd be too hard
to take a dog.

Look, just come, okay?

I guarantee your parents
will change their minds.

You really think his parents
will change their minds?

Think they will?

I hope they will.

MARTHA:
Well, it was hard work,

but Helen and TD
delivered those flyers

to every dogless kid in town.

MARTHA:
* Some parents didn't want hair
on the chair *

* Some kids had trouble learning
to share *

* Some figured a dog
wouldn't mix with their pet *

* But we promised a show
they'd never forget. *

Only thing we needed now was,
well, a show.

Okay, guys, what we're trying

to do here is
get you families, so,

Streak, Butterscotch
and Mandarin,

somebody walks in looking
for a dog, what do you do?

(puzzled whimper)

Show 'em you're
affectionate, right?

Let's see you
be affectionate.

(all yapping)

Okay, okay, quiet!

Yapping is not being
affectionate.

(yaps twice)

Being affectionate means
being friendly, loving,

showing people
that you like them.

You know how to do that, right?

(barking, yapping)

Okay, a little
less affection.

The most important thing is
to show them what makes you you.

Your best qualities.
Pops!

How about you?

You want to show off
some of your stuff?

(growls)

(barks)

Okay, Wally,
show us what you got.

Maybe we need to review

what I meant
when I said "best qualities."

If you want to be adopted,
messy isn't going to cut it.

(whimpers)

No one comes into
the dog pound saying,

"Give me a really
messy dog."

Take it from me.

People want cute.

They want adorable.

Like the low wiggle.

It works like this.

You see the person come in.

They aren't looking at you.

Suddenly they turn, and pow!

(panting)
You turn on the charm.

See how I'm making my face
light up?

"I like you"--
that's what this says.

"I hope you like me."

You crouch low
to the ground like this,

then you start the wiggle
and move towards them.

It really helps if your back end
starts to get ahead

of your front end,
like this.

And then, for the big finish,
you show the belly.

(sighs)

Now, let's see all of you try.

(panting)

(all barking, yapping)

Oh, boy, this is going
to take a lot of work.

Pops, are you going
to try, at least?

(grumbles)

Pops?

MARTHA:
Eyes and tails.

Ears, eyes and tails.

Wagging! Come on!

I want to see wagging!

It was a long, hard night,
but come the morning,

that ragtag group was ready
to strut its stuff.

KAZUO:
Welcome, welcome to
the show of the year!

It's Wagstaff
City's Top Dog!

Look at all
these people.

We're sure to get all
these dogs adopted.

Let's not get our hopes up
too high, TD.

Kazuo has been
trying for years.

Are we ready?

I think so.

(rock music
drum intro plays)

KAZUO:
It's the afternoon
you've all been waiting for!

Time to find out who will be
Wagstaff City's next top dog!

And here's your host, Martha!

Thanks, folks, for
coming out today.

Now, no time to waste.

It's time for this show
to go to the dogs!

MAN:
Aw!
GIRL:
That's so cute!

(crowd murmuring and laughing)

(gasping)

I'm sure you all know
what "loyalty" means.

A dog who's loyal is one
that's always your friend

and takes care of you
no matter what.

Well, they don't come

any more loyal
than Wally.

A full-bred
English pointer,

Wally is so
loyal, he nearly

lost an ear protecting his
last owner from a wild bear!

Whoa!
(crowd gasps)
Cool!

Is that all true?

Uh, mostly.

(panting)

Can we please
adopt him, Dad?

It can't be that hard
to take him on a plane!

HELEN (quietly):
Wally!

MARTHA:
A Frequent Flyer dog
for the family on the go!

Yes!

Oh, thanks, Dad!

MARTHA:
She's elegant!

She's stylish!

But is she devoted?

Well, if devoted means

"someone who is going to love
you for a long, long time,"

then that's Estelle.

Right, Estelle? Go!

Good girl.

And a poodle
has hair, not fur,

so there's no fuzz
on the couch.

(laughs)

What does every human dream of
in a dog? Affection!

(barks)

And as you can see, Butterscotch
here is about the most adoring,

affectionate...
Oh, a puppy!

Oh, he's mine!
No, he's mine.

BOTH:
No, he's mine!

Please, stop fighting.

There's more
where she came from.

Oh, he's adorable!
Oh, he's so cute!

I love him!

That's about it
for our show.

You'll find the adoption forms
in the lobby.

Thank you all for coming, and...

Martha, you forgot
someone.

Pops? Do you want
to come up here and be adopted?

(grumbles)

Oh, it looks like we have
one final contestant--

Pops!

How about we have
a big hand for Pops?

(applause)

Pops may look fierce,

but he's as loyal,
affectionate

and devoted
as any dog here.

(crowd murmuring)
WOMAN:
That dog doesn't look
very friendly...

MARTHA:
Wouldn't anyone like
to take him home?

Sweetheart, we don't
need two dogs.

Anyone?

(moaning)

Ah, no, I don't
want that dog.
(crowd murmuring)

KAZUO:
I'll adopt him.

Kazuo?

Pops, you and I go back
a long time.

It wouldn't be the same
around here without you.

You could still be here
during the day,

but at night,
you could come home with me.

You wouldn't have
to sleep in a cage.

What do you say, old guy?

Want to be my dog?

(panting)

(visitors cheering)

MARTHA:
* So that's the way
it all turned out *

* And it's strange to think
we ever would doubt *

* That Pops would ever
find the home *

* He'd waited for so long

* And as for me

* Well, you can see...

Okay, but I
won't enjoy it.

Aw, no, not the bubbles!

* ...That I'm the very same dog
I used to be. *

TD:
And now for the thrilling
conclusion of...

MARTHA:
The Deserted Hot Dog.

As you recall
in our last episode,

the little
abandoned hot dog tried

to catch up with his friends.

TD:
Oh, what will I do?

I'm all deserted and alone.

MARTHA:
Just then,

something fortunate happened.

"I just adore hot
dogs," said Martha.

TD:
Does that mean
she thinks we're a door?

No, "adore" means
"I like them a lot."

And she ate the hot dog.

It went down her throat...

Whoo-hoo!

MARTHA:
...and into her stomach,

where it joined
all the other hot dogs.

And they had a big party.
The end.

TD:
The moral of the story is--

if you're a lonely,
deserted hot dog...

MARTHA:
Come see Martha!

So, did you catch
all the words about

being abandoned and neglected
and adopted and adored?

Here are some
of those words again.

Neglected?
Martha?!

How could she be neglected?

Neglected dogs are dogs
who are forgotten

or not looked after properly.

If you adopt a dog,
that means you're promising

to make them part
of your family.

Being affectionate means
being friendly, loving.

Well, that's our show.

I'll be moseying along now.

See you next time!

To dig up some more fun words
and games, visit pbskids.org

or check out your local library
for the "Martha Speaks" books.

Skits, when I said "dig,"
I didn't mean in the yard!