02x01 - Martha Speaks / Martha Gives Advice

[bunniefuu]

* Martha was an average dog

* She went... And... And...
(Barking, growls)

* When she ate
some alphabet soup *

* Then what happened
was bizarre... *

On the way to martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain
and now...

* She's got a lot to say

* Now she speaks...

How now, brown cow?

* Martha speaks, yeah,
she speaks and speaks *

* And speaks and speaks
and speaks... *

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

* Martha speaks...

Hey, joe, what do you know?

My name's not joe.

* She's not always right,
but still that martha speaks. *

Hi, there!

* She's got a voice,
she's ready to shout *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* Sometimes wrong
but seldom in doubt *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* That dog's unique...

Testing, one, two!

* Hear her speak

* Martha speaks and speaks

* And speaks and speaks
and... *

* Communicates, enumerates

* Elucidates, exaggerates

* Indicates and explicates,
bloviates and overtakes and... *

(Panting)

* ...hyperventilates!

* Martha, to reiterate...

Martha speaks!
* Martha speaks.

Greetings.

You are about to see
something unexplainable--

A talking dog.

Your friends may tell you

That a talking dog is as likely
as a worm lifting a piano.

(Worm grunting)

Ha-ha!
Your friends are wrong!

(Piano crashes)

Today's episode features words
about speaking-- words like...

(Loudly):
"shout"!

And (softly):
"whisper."

See if you can spot them all.

(Knocking on door)

Come in, truman.

How'd you know it was me?

What if I was the cat burglar?

(Growling)

It's okay, martha.

She thinks you're saying
a cat is coming over.

No, no, no.

A cat burglar!

There's one that's been reported
in our town.

They call them cat burglars

Because they slip into
your house and creep around,

Quiet as a cat.

You're next!

Don't shout.

I didn't shout.

(Shouting):
this is shouting!

(Barking)

Why don't you
have lunch at home?

It's too loud.

My house is all filled
with screaming babies.

It's always filled with babies.

Your mom runs a daycare center.

Well, you should be glad
I'm here,

Since you're so scared
of the cat burglar.

I'm not scared of the burglar.

Are too.

Am not.

Are too.

Am not.

Then why are you
eating dog food?

(Groans)

Dog food!

Yuck!

(Spitting)

(Groans)

Sorry about that, martha.

(Whines)

Why do you have to jabber
on about burglars, anyway?

I'm just expressing
my thoughts.

Expressing?

You mean your mouth is like
the express bus--

It hardly ever stops?

No.

When you express an idea, you
say or show what you think.

Anyway, it's not my fault
you're terrified of burglars.

(Knocking on window)

Ah! The burglar!

It's just t.d.

Mom, I'm going out
to play with t.d.!

Mom:
finish your lunch first.

I'm full.

There you go, martha.
Eat up.

See you later!

Mom:
I just want to let people know

The shop's having
a really big sale.

Uh-huh.

But what's the best way
to communicate that?

A sign, a mailing?

Is it time
for dinner yet?

Un momento, cariño.

Uh-huh, yeah.

How much would that cost?

Radio announcer:
tonight, the cat burglar
remains at large.

The identity of
this larcenous lightfoot?

No one can say.

I'm hungry.

(Laughing)

Just wait till
I'm finished here.

Come on, jake, eat up.

You can play when you've
finished eating, jake.

Now, come on.

Isn't it time
for dinner yet?

Soon as I'm done, martha.

(Gasps):
martha?!

Did you hear...

Did she...

Did martha
just...

All:
speak?!

(Jake coos)

Can you help me get dinner?

You... Uh...

But how did you learn to talk?

What happened?

¿Qué pasó?

Did this just
happen today,

Or have you always
been able to speak?

Helen:
what happened?

Quiet!

(Jake coos)

I'll tell you everything--
after dinner.

Dad:
have you always understood
what we people were saying?

You bet.

And what dogs
are saying, too.

Do dogs dream?

Day and night.

This morning, I dreamed
I was being chased

By a giant meatloaf.

How come you can
suddenly speak?

Hmm.

Must be the alphabet soup.

Indeed, it was
the alphabet soup.

You see, alphabet soup is full
of the letters of the alphabet.

The letters go together
to make up words,

Words like "grsnkngg"...

As well as other words,
like "express."

When martha ate
her alphabet soup,

Something very mysterious
occurred.

Instead of going to her stomach,

The letters in the soup went
to martha's brain.

That's why martha
is the only dog

Who can communicate using words.

So don't try feeding soup
to your dog--

It won't work, unless your dog
is a cartoon.

And now back to the program.

I said, back to the program!

Ah.

Oh.

Yo, rinty!

Good dog.

How's that flea problem?

There's no such thing
as a talking dog!

Speak, martha.
(Barks)

See?

Just kidding.

I'd be glad to express myself
in human speech.

(Stammering)

What would you like me
to say?

(Screams)

Mom:
hello, mario?

I would like to order
some pizza.

(Doorbell rings)

Martha:
hi there.

(Gasps)

What do I owe you?

(Chuckling)

(Pizza thuds)

(Screaming)

(Dial tone)

(Numbers beeping)

(Phone ringing)

Hello.

I'd like to make an order.

Meat delivery.

But I didn't order
any barbecue.

(Panting)

(Whimpers)

Mom mentioned that
the fruitcake you sent

Wasn't fit for a dog,

But I thought
it was delicious.

Martha:
I've seen this program.

A giant reptile did it!

(All groaning)

There's a poodle
over on circuit street

I'd really like
to play with.

He's small,
but what a dog!

I'm sure you're
curious

About the early days
of my life.

Let me tell you something
about it.

I was born in
a back alley.

I understand cat,
but I can't speak it.

It's a nasal language, lot of...

Mama would tell us,
"you're dogs, not cats."

Kibble-- I really... I prefer...

Like, "here, boy,"

And I'm like, "hello,
I'm a girl dog."

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah...

(All groaning)

Martha,

Be quiet!

What's wrong?

You talk too much.

You never stop jabbering.

Sometimes I wish you
never learned to speak.

Wha...?!

(Whimpers)

Ah, a nice, quiet morning
at home.

Oh, martha.

It's great she can speak,
but there's speaking

And there's speaking
and speaking.

(Whispering):
helen...

It's great she can
communicate,

But does she have
to communicate so much?

It's like she has
to discuss and discuss...

Helen...

And it's not even a discussion,

Because when you discuss,

The other person gets
to express their opinion too.

You know what I'm saying?

I think you...

It's like she's
giving a lecture.

Doesn't she know
how annoying it is

To just hear someone jabber
on and on and...

Oops.

Class started five minutes ago.

(Jake cooing)

(Laughing)

(Cooing)

(Grunts)

What is it, jake?

(Coos)

Oh, hi, martha.

(Whispering):
I'd like to go, carolina,

But I'm kind of worried
about martha.

Ah, está bien.

Why are we whispering?

We're talking quietly
so she doesn't hear us.

(In normal voice):
you're whispering so your
dog doesn't hear you?

Shh! Not so loud.

Whisper!

We are so getting you out
of the house this weekend.

You didn't eat
your soup again.

What's the matter, martha?

(Sighs)

Guess we don't need this
anymore.

Do you think
she could be sick?

Maybe we should call the vet.

(Phone rings)

Hello?

Your dog won't say a word?

Ah! Kids!

(Exclaims)

Ooh, I've got an idea.

Why don't we all go out
and see a movie?

Wouldn't you like
to do that, helen?

I guess.

I think it's a great idea.

We could all use
some cheering up.

I'll call truman's mom

And see if she'll take jake
for a couple hours.

Martha, we're going out.

We'll be back later.

(Door closes)

(Sighs)

Oh, helen...

Cheer up.

This will be fun.

(Sighs)

(Snoring)

(Rattling in distance)

(Rattling)

(Glass breaks)

Hmm?!

Aha.

(Dial tone)

(Numbers beeping)

(Phone ringing)

Emergency operator.

(Barking)

Operator:
what is this, some kind of joke?

(Dial tone)

(Cat burglar chuckling)

Nice.

(Barking)

Huh! Guard dog, eh?

You know what I do
to guard dogs?

I give them something
to eat.

(Burglar chuckles)

Dumb dog.

Lucky for me you like
alphabet soup.

What a great movie.

Oh, it was.

Can you believe what
happened in the middle?

(Gasps)
what?

(Police radio transmissions)

Got you at last.

Dad:
what happened?

We caught the cat burglar
in your house.

Our house?

That's right.

Luckily,
we got a call.

Some lady
named martha.

Well, good night, folks.

Mom:
you mean...

Martha is the one who...

Good dog, martha!

All:
good dog!

You're so right.

I'm sorry I said I wished
you couldn't speak.

It's okay, I forgive you.

Now, how about a nice long walk?

Did I ever tell you
about the time

I chewed up that rubber ball?

Let me tell you,
it was something else.

I thought...

Okay, you know your line?

Yeah.

I say, "I did it."

That's right, only maybe
exclaim it more.

Exclaim?

It means you speak suddenly and
loudly-- "you're on my foot!"

Oh, I am?

No. I was just exclaiming.

Okay.

So, exclaim it.

I did it!

Maybe it would be better
if you mumble.

Mumble?

You mean,
(whispering): I did it?

That's whispering.

Mumbling's more like you don't
open your mouth too much.

(Mumbling):
I did it.

Perfect!

Ready?

On with the show.

Mrs. Cluskey, remember I told
you a dog ate my homework?

I did it.

It was delicious!

(Gasps)
and informative.

Hello? Is she okay?

She'll be fine.

Singers on tv:
* the what do you know show *

* The place to go

* For listeners in the know...

* With nigel.

Nigel:
good morning.

You're listening
to the what do you know show,

Where listeners call in and
offer their advice and opinion.

This morning we've
been talking about money.

Gah... Advice?

Why would anyone
listen to a show

Where people tell you
what to do?

I like hearing
other people's advice.

It's nice to get
their views and opinions.

Want my advice?

Don't listen to that hooey.

Shh.

It's imperative for my young,
developing mind

To listen to informative
programs like this.

Martha:
hey, it's a beautiful day.

Why not go outside and throw
a stick around?

Why not... Play?

Just a suggestion.

(Sighs)

Helen:
martha!

What?
(Groaning)

I need your opinion.

Should I wear this or this?

What difference does it make?

Beats me.

But I'm going to the movies
with carolina.

She says how you look
is a big deal.

I think you look great
right now.

Yeah.

You look like... You.

That's not good enough.

Carolina says...

Fashion is not about looking
like you.

It's about looking
like everybody else.

What's wrong with this?

When you get to be my age,
you'll understand.

Probarte este!

She's trying to persuade me
to think about fashion now

So I'll be ahead of the pack
when I hit sixth grade.

I disagree.

I'd encourage you to wear
whatever you want.

I agree with truman.

Come on, martha.

I really need your advice.

Please, please,

Please?

Okay, don't plead.

I suggest that shirt

With those pants.

Well, if you say so.

Thanks.

How can you know
what goes with what?

I thought dogs
couldn't see colors.

Colors?

What are colors?

Singers:
* the what do you know show *

* The place to go

* For listeners in the know...

* With nigel.

Nigel:
and we're back and taking calls.

Let's hear your opinion.

Here I am!

Listen!

I love this program!

They've got great fashion
advi... Ay-yi-yi!

What are you wearing?

What is it?

(Whispering):
that's so last year.

(Gasps)

Nothing.

Nada.

Let's just go in
that nice, dark theater.

Two, please.

(Girls giggling)

Hey!

Just because she dresses weird
doesn't mean she's weird.

What are you doing?

I'm defending you.

Defending me?

Yeah, standing up for you.

Taking your side.

Just because it looks like she
got dressed with a blindfold on

Doesn't mean she couldn't be
fashionable if she wanted.

Stop defending me.

Just 'cause it looks

Like her closet threw up
all over her doesn't...

And we're back
with the what do you know show.

Our telephone lines are open.

We want to hear your opinion.

Today's topic: your money
and what to do with it.

Martha from wagstaff city,
the topic is investments.

What do you suggest?

Martha:
well, whenever I have
anything valuable,

I just bury it
in the backyard.

The backyard?!

Sure.

I know where everything is
and where to find it.

Plus, I can get to it
whenever I want-- day or night.

Of course your stuff gets
a little dirty,

But you can always
lick it off later.

I want to talk
to that caller now!

You wanted to speak with me?

Manager:
I did.

Now look, I've heard some crazy
opinions over the years,

But burying valuables
in the yard?

Uh... Well, that is...

I tell you it's about
time someone called in

With decent advice!

My grandfather buried
his money in the yard,

Then used it to buy
this station.

That's wonderful.

Martha, I have
a little proposition

I'd like
to discuss with you.

Excuse me?

I'm martha,
the new host.

End of the hall.

Thanks.

I've got it!

I was thinking about it
all during the movie.

We'll give you a makeover!

A makeover? Really?

But I kind of like
this outfit.

(Girls chatting)

It's colorful.

Look, the hokey hoe-down
is at the end of the month.

We'll show everyone
your new look then.

The hokey hoe-down?

(Grunts)

Ah.

Aah!

(Thud)

Martha (over loudspeaker):
ow!

¿Qué pasa?

That's weird.

I thought I heard martha.

Like your dog would ever be
allowed in a radio station.

Please!

* The what do you know show *

* The place to go
for listeners in the know... *

* With martha.

(Feedback)

Hi. This is martha,
your new advice hound.

I'll be taking your calls and
offering my views all afternoon.

Ah, forget the gym.

I'm convinced the best form
of exercise is chasing a stick.

When company comes, jump up!

Shake your fanny!

Sniff them up and down.

Oh, and give them
lots of kisses.

They love the kisses.

Show the belly.

That way they know
you're friendly.

You meet someone new,
just lie down on the ground

And show them your stomach.

Cats-- not to be trusted.

If you're feeling
a little queasy

Or you have an upset stomach,

I recommend eating
a bunch of grass.

That always makes me feel
better.

If you're not sleeping well,
it's usually the mattress.

Stand up and walk around
in a circle three times,

And then plop down.

Let me encourage you all
to give it a try.

Mom, do I look like a doof?

Claro que no!

You have a great style.

You look like un artista.

But I don't want to look
like an artist.

I just want to look
like everybody else.

Your mom's right.

I wish there was some way
I could...

You know, with the...
What's the word?

You know, where you try and make
somebody believe

What you're saying?

Persuade?

Yeah, persuade.

I wish there was some way
I could persuade you

That you look great.

(Sighs)

I'm going to carolina's.

Gee.
I better get ready for work.

Martha (on radio):
and I don't believe in brushes,
for hair or teeth.

Let the fur fly and give me
a good old biscuit.

How's it going?

Any of my clothes
fit you?

Did I just hear my dog?

I didn't hear
any barking.

Come on out.

Let's take a look at you.

Ta-da!

(Sighs, groans)

You think this is hopeless?

No, I don't.

What makes you say that?

You just groaned.

I didn't groan.

Uh-huh.

You went... (Groans)

Okay, so I groaned.

But that doesn't mean
all is lost.

What you need is
something trendy.

And I know just where
to go for the latest thing.

This is the latest thing?

Someone recommended
them on the radio.

People have been begging
for them all week.

Pleading.

What if I don't like it?

Fashion isn't about
what you like, helen.

It's about what
other people like.

Ours is not to reason why,
ours is but to obey and buy!

(Chewing):
here.

It's better
than brushing.

(Laughs weakly)

Last week's ratings are great.

Where is this martha?

It's time I met her
face to face.

End of the hall.

Woman:
oh, mr. Steinglass,
your meeting is starting!

Oh, all right.

T.d.:
What do you mean
you're not going?

You have to go.

It's the hokey hoe-down!

I don't have anything
to wear.

All my clothes look dorky.

You've been hanging out

With your cousin carolina again,
haven't you?

(Spits)

You shouldn't encourage her.

Encourage?
How do I do that?

By making her feel like she's
some kind of expert

And taking her suggestions
on stuff like clothes.

(Sneezes)

She's right, though.

I dress like a dweeb.

I disagree.

Look, I'm going.

And remember what happened
to me last year

When I decided to come
in a cotton-candy suit?

Hmm, I wonder
where t.d. Is.

Ah!

(Birds squawking,
t.d. Yelling)

Even if you don't
like your clothes,

At least they won't
get eaten by birds.

That's true.

You can't let a little thing
like total public humiliation

Stand between you
and a good time.

Well...

Can I persuade you
to at least bike over with me?

If you don't like it,
you don't have to stay.

Oh, all right.

If you're going to plead.

Ha! And you know what?

I know exactly
what I want to wear.

I don't care if carolina
doesn't like it.

I like the way it looks.

Is it just my opinion,

Or has this whole town
gone wackadoodle?

Grass-flavored shake!

Get your grass-flavored
health shake!

Get them while they're dewy!

(Helen signs)

I know just what
my cousin will say.

You look fabulosa!

Wha... What happened
to you?

Like it?

It's the latest look.

I love your collar.
Thank you.

This is the best
hokey hoe-down ever!

That radio lady martha
is going to be here.

I'm glad you finally found
the right look.

But this is what
I wore before, remember?

You said it was...

Announcer:
attention, everybody!

She's here!

It's time to bring up
our special guest,

Wagstaff city's very own
advice hound, martha!

(Cheering)

Martha?

What's your dog doing
up there?

Get out of the way, doggie!

Martha is coming!

Hello, everybody.

I'm martha!

(Crowd gasps)

That's martha?!

Oh, well, what the heck?

(Laughs)

Two grass shakes, please.

It's great to be here.

And you all look great.

You're... That's...
You mean...

Carolina!

If you want my opinion,

You can look as good as I do
just by being yourself.

Announcer:
throughout the ages,

Mankind has developed myriad
ways to communicate.

From smoke signals to modern
devices such as the telegraph,

The telephone
and text messaging,

Man has developed ever more
efficient ways to communicate.

Not to be left behind,

Man's best friend has developed
his own system of communication.

Watch.

This signal means, "feed me."

This pup's pose pleads,
"feed me!"

And this fellow exclaims,
"hi. I like you.

Feed me."

Some dogs have developed

Their own, more sophisticated
manner of communication.

Hi there.

I'll have two double
burgers, a hamwich,

And five orders of fries.

Anything to drink?

Announcer:
communication marches on.

Ah! Did you catch all of today's
words about communication?

Let's see some of them again.

Helen:
it's great she can speak.

But there's speaking, and
there's speaking and speaking.

(Shouting):
this is shouting!

It's like she has
to discuss and discuss...

Why are we whispering?

Because when you discuss,

The other person gets
to express their opinion too.

You know what I'm saying?

When you express an idea,
you say or show what you think.

Good-bye.

See you again.

To dig up some more fun words
an

* I like soccer

* And I like songs

* I like when everyone
around can sing along *

* La la la la la

* I like apples
and kazoos *

* And I like
outside things to do *

* And I like you, too

What do you like?

I like swimming.

I like to draw.

I like baseball.

I like stories.

What about you?

* What do you like to do?

* Everyone has
their own song *

* They can sing

* With their own
special stories *

* And favorite things

* Something within us

* Makes each voice unique
when it sings *

* La la la la laa

Sing with us!

* La la la la la
la la la la la la *

* Whoo hoo