02x02 - Martha and Skits / Martha Plays a Part

[bunniefuu]

* Martha was an average dog

* She went... And... And...
(Barking, growls)

* When she ate
some alphabet soup *

* Then what happened
was bizarre. *

On the way to martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain,
and now...

* She's got a lot to say

* Now she speaks...

How now, brown cow?

* Martha speaks

* Yeah, she speaks
and speaks and speaks *

* D speaks anspeaks.

What's caboose?

When are eating again?

* Martha speaks...

Hey, joe, what do you know?

My name's not joe.

* She's not always right,
but still that martha speaks. *

Hi, there.

* She's got a voice,
she's ready to shout *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* Sometimes wrong,
but seldom in doubt *

* Martha will tell you
what it'all about *

* That dog's unique...

Testing, one, two.

* Hear her speak

* Martha speaks and speaks
and speaks and speaks and... *

* Communicates, enumerates

* Elucidates, exaggerates

* Indicates and explicates

* Bloviates and overstates

And...
(Panting)

* Hyperventilates!

* Martha-- to reiterate--
martha speaks. *

No, not a sectional!

That's a kind of couch.

That's a kind of couch.

That's a kind of...

Stage manager:
two minutes, martha.

Thanks.

Oh, hi.

You know, being a talking dog

Is a pretty unique
and one-of-a-kind thing.

Today's show features words
that are all about things

That are special and unique
and have outstanding talents...

Like me.

See if you can spot them all.

I'll see you
at the end of the show.

T.d.:
I don't know
why you don't like it.

It an excellent
drawing of a tree.

(Groans)

I was trying tdraw that.what?

It's thmost excellent drawing

Of a guy tossing a, a-a whatsis

That I've ever seen.

Discus.

Right, a discus.

But you just said it was an
excellent drawing of a tree.

It is; it's aoutstanding tree,
it's a perfect tree.

Wait,
how could it be both?

Why does it have to
be one or the other?

I once had a potato that looked
just like wayne gretzky,

And it tasted great.

Hmm.

Don't try to figure it out.

Um anyway, I brought something
that'll cheer you up.

(Barks)

...

(Panting)
t.d. Rescued him, but his dad's

Allergic to dogs,
so he can't keep him.

What's his name?

Skits.
Can we keep him?

Please, please, please?

Well, I suppose
it's okay.

Yay!
Yay!

But there's someone else you
need to discuss this with, too.

Helen:
martha, wake up.

We have a surprise.

It's a new little brother.

(Growling and barking playfully)

(Martha chuckles)

Hello.

His name
is skits.

What do you think?

Isn't he cute?

(Barking)

Sur!
Welcome home, skits.

We should get a toy
for skits to play with.

Ah, looks
like he's already found one.

(Gasping):
my rug.

(All calling and shouting)

Helen:
come back, come back.

Skits!

Whoa!

Aah!

(Mom gasps)

(Barks)

(Panting)

Yeah, you're right,
he's pretty cute.

He practically specializes
in being adorable.

(Barks)

Ah, when I was
skits' age,

I had an exceptional
amount of energy, too

(Barks)
no, not "sectional,"

Thhat's a
kind of couch.

"Exceptional."

It means
"different than the ordinary."

I mean I had more energy
than most dogs my age.

Mom:
where is my shoe?

(Barks)

(Gasping):
skits!

My sock.

He has exceptionally
good taste in clothing.

And furniture,
as well.

(Growling)

Dad:
skits!

Aw... Adorabe,
isn't he?

(Barks)

(Straining)

You shouldn't get
too upset with skits.

He's just a puppy,

And the world is his chew toy.

(Straining)

Whoa!

(Grunting)

Where's your sense of humor?

(Skits barks, helen laughs)

My soup!

Bad dog!

There are only two rules
in this house, skits.

Rule number one:
I'm...

The alpha dog,
and that means I'm the boss,

So what I say goes.

Rule number two: I need
my alphabet soup to speak,

So never touch my soup.

Got it?
(Barking)

I guess I'm going to have
to take charge.

(Gasps)

Uh-uh-uh, not in the house.

Not in the
house!

You need to go outside
to do that.

This way.

Your turn.

(Barks)

(Thud)

(Barks)

Skits?

Mom:
skits, not on my new rug.

He is extraordinarily speedy.

The people in that house
are exceptionally nice.

They give pats and treats.

This is where nelson lives.

Hes one super-bacat.

(Yips auestion)
yeah...

But nelson is
exceptionally bad.

He specializes in being sneaky.

He's...
(Gasps)

Run!

Ah, ts guy we bark at.

(Barks)

(Questioning yip)
why?

No reason, we just do.

(Barks)

(Barks)

So dogs just do two circles,

But I think
the full three is better,

Just to get
the lumpies out.

That's perfect.

(Door opens
and closes)

Down, down.

Aw...

There's two perfect
little doggies.

(Jake cooing)

All sorts of good stuff
falls from up there.

Wait for it.

Ready?

Are you watching, skits?

(Martha grunting)

(Barks excitedly)

(Grunts)

Wow!

That was a
stupendous catch.

(Whimpering)

Hmm?
What did I say?

He thinks "stupendous"
means "stupid."

No, no, no, no, no.

I would never call yone that.

Stupendous is... Stupendous!

(Whimpering)

It means "super."

Outstanding?

It means "really good."

(Barks and pants excitedly)

(Laughing):
whoa!

Skits, cut it
out, cut it out.

"Good" he understands.

(Dramatic music plays)

Drat that
courageous collie carlo.

He has an unparalleled talent
for foiling my plans.

I'll say.

Only, what's
"unparalleled" mean?

No time for definitions.

This isn't public tv.
We have to abscond instantly.

Mom:
helen, are you picking
up your clothes?

Yes.

(To self):
I am now.

(Gps)

My sock.

What's the matter with it?

Nothing--
skits didn't chew it.

Oh, he's moved on from socks.

He's decided to specialize.

Specialize?

You mean he only chews on
one thing instead of everything?

That's right, flying objects
are his specialty now.

He's an expert
at catching them.

(Grunts)
hey!

(Crashes)

(Growling):
grrrow up!

Wow.

That was fast.

Mom:
all right, ski, this is it.

Are you ready for your
first bowl of alphabet soup?

(Panting)

Here goes nothing.

I think it's working.

(Woofs)

Huh?

Try again, skits.

(Woofs)

Maybe he's not old enough.

Maybe he needs
more soup.

That's right.

Eat some more, skits.

You made sure every
letter was in there?

All .

Arf, arf.

(Sighs)

Oh, well.

I guess two talking dogs
was too much to expect.

(Groans)

Mom:
I think we have
to face it.

Martha es única.
She is unique.

T.d.:
One-of-a-kind.

Martha's the only
talking dog there is.

She's special.

Skits is just... Skits.

(Birds singing)

(Crickets chirping)

Helen:
skits?

Skits?!

(Owl hooting)

Martha:
he couldn't have gotten far.

I hope he's okay.

Helen: I hope he's
not mad at us.

(Crickets chirping)

Martha:
ybe someone will find him
and call us.

I don't know if he
even wants to come home.

I think we hurt
his feelings.

I think I have a drawing of him
we can use for a poster.

Hold it. Go back.

What is it?
There!

There's your poster!

Huh?
Get it?

That's how we'll find skits!

Oh!

T.d.:
"Flying objects
contest today.

In the park."

It's perfect.

All those flying objects
in one place.

They're his specialty.

If he doesn't come for that...

He may never come.

(Birds singing)

Everybody ready?

Here comes a long b*mb!

(Dogs barking)

Do you see
him anywhere?

No. Not yet.

(Barking)

(Grunting)

(Barking)

(Grunts)

(Barking)

Time for the last contest.

He's not coming back, is he?

Oh, you tried
your best.

T.d.:
Martha?

Are you going to play?

You might as well.
You might win.

I'll win, all right,
t I won't enjoy it.

(Barking)

T.d.:
Everybody ready?

This is the big one.

It's for the golden disc.

(Barking)

Okay, here goes!

Go! Go!

Go?

(Barking)

Is that...?
It looks like...

Helen & .:
Skits!

Huh?

Skits!

Uh! Ow! Hey! Aah!

Watch it!

Ouch!

(Clattering)

(Whimpering)

Yay!
Yay!

Skits, you came back!

We were so worried
about you!

What a catch!

It was extraordinary!

I'd say it was way better
than ordinary.

Yeah, yeah, that's
what I said-- extraordinary.

Extra ordinary!

That's better than ordinary.

Excellent!
Exceptional!

(Barks)

That's right.

Or stupendous.

All right,
smart dog!

Okay, go long!

(Barking)

Martha:
ah, nothing like a warm bowl

Of alphabet soup
back in your own home.

Right, skits?
(Barks)

That's okay.

You don't need to talk.

You have your own unique way
of doing things.

You're the one and only,
one-of-a-kind skits.

A specialist
in flying objects.

(Barks)

(Dings)

Martha:
superpooch!

In today's adventure,
superpooch,

Using her exceptional
sniffing skills, discovers...

(Sniffing)

...half a liverwurst sandwich

Trapped at the bottom
of a garbage can!

Then, with tremendous effort,

Superpooch leaps into action!

(Glass clinking,
martha yelling)

(Thudding)

Mom:.
What was that?

Sensing danger,

Superpooch whisks
the poor sandwich to safety.

Seeking refuge behind the sofa,

Superpooch employs
her most important skill...

Mom:
oh, no!

Martha!

...making herself
nearly invisible!

Mom:
where are you?

You're in trouble, young lady.

We're trapped!

This is horrible!

Shh! I think
we'll be safe.

There might be spiders
up here, or bats or...

Mold.

(Creaking)

Shh! I thought I
heard something.

(Footsteps approaching)

Hmm, nothing.

Got you!

(Yelling)

(Thudding)
aah!

Oh!

Truman?

You guys, was
just pretending.

But if I was a kid
that scared easy,

That would have
been terrifying.

When you grow up,
you should be an actress, helen.

Martha:got a gift.
Gift?

How come she gets a
present, and I don't?

No. Truman means "gift"

Like when you're naturally
good at something,

Like being a talking dog.

Or being a terrific itcher
of itchy spots.

You think you might be
an actss someday?

No way! They asked us to sign up
for the school play this week,

And I said
I'd be the ticket-taker.

Really? The school play?

What's it about this year?

I don't know.
Something sciencey.

The solar system, I think.

Hey, don't you want to
show off your talent?

You're the expert
at showing off.

I like to stay
in the background.

Which reminds me...

I'm supposed to meet t.d.
To paint backdrops for the play.

See you guys later.

Halley, wait up!

No wonder
you'ra comet!

You're an extraordinarily
fast walker.

Aren't you excited?

I think
it's excellent casting.

What?
'Cause we're related.

I'm a big ball of gas.

You're a little
ball of gas.

I don't...
It's perfecto.

We're cousins
in space, too!

See you around
the solar system,

You little
comet, you!

Make way!

Star coming through!

We're cousins in space?!

Hey, halley,
congratulations.

Okay, what is with everne
today?

Myname is helen, not halley.

Haven't you seen
the bulletin board yet?

Bulletin board?

The all-grades
school play, remember?

The cast list just went up
a few minutes ago,

And we're all in it.

Aah!

Helen:
but there's got
to be some mistake.

I don't want
to be in the play.

Oh, you mustn't
be modest.

Your mother told me
you have many talents.

Talents? What do you mean,
talents?

All the things you do so well!

You draw, you paint,
you sing, you act!

You're exceptionally
talented.

You'll be a superb
halley's comet.

My mother?

Mm-hmm. She phoned
yesterday and said

You wanted to be
in the play.

But I don't!

I just want to tear tickets.

Your mother said
you'd say that, and that I

Shouldn't
believe you.

She also said to pick up
some dobiscui

The y home--
e frted kind.

Frosted?

Martha.

Martha:
oh, I can't wait to find out

What part
helen's got in the play.

Whatever it is,
she'll be outstanding.

(Barking)

No, "outstanding" doesn't mean

Helen has to stand outside.

It means
she'll be super-duper great.

Helen:opening)
martha!

(Door closes)

Uh-oh.

I thought
you'd be happy.

You'll get to show

What an actinexpert you are.

Expert?! An expert is someone
who's really good at something,

But I've never done
a play in my life.

That doesn't mean
you won't be fantastic!

Maybe my dad will write a note
to get me out of it!

The all-grades school play!

Excellent!

I tell you, helen, there's
nothing like performing

To help develop poise,
diction and timing.

But dad, I can't perform
in front of people.

I just don't have the ability.

Can't you write a note saying

I'm getting a tonsillectomy
or something?

Now, now. You just
need a little practice.

You'll get the
knack of it.

Helen (sighs):
I got to get out of this.

Carolina:
get out of it?!

It's your chance to shine!

Like your cousin, the sun.

But I don't
want to shine.

I just want
to disappear.

Helen, relax.

There's nothing to it.

All you do is
say your lines

And try not to trip
on the furniture.

(Thudding)
whoa!

Ooh!
(Cra)

What? You've never seen
the sun set before?

(Piano playing)
*it's halley's comet
flying by *

* Haven't seen you in a while

*Me, oh, my!

Helen?

That's your cue.

Oops.

* That light in the sky
is not an asteroid *

(Piano stops)
*or plane or
a kite or a... *

Too early.

Wait for your cue, dear.

(Laughing)
(laughing)

* ...seen you in a while

* Me, oh, my!

(In w voice):
* I'm a small, frozen mass

* Whose orbit is elliptical

* They used to think I was a
sign of things apocalyptical *

(Whispering):
is that our cue?

I couldn't hear.

Those look good.

Really?

Dogs like carrots?

I do. It's a gift.

I'm an eating machine.

(Softly grunting)

Martha?

You're not going around

Begging for food
again, are you?

Uh, no. Martha wasn't begging.

I'm just really full.

So, how do you like performing?

I just can't get
the knack of it.

Snack?
Don't mind if I do.

Not snack-- knack.

Nap? Oh, no thanks.

Not sleepy.

Knack! Like when you figureut

An easy way
to do something hard.

(Chomps)

Mmm.

I wish I had a knack
for eating carrots.

Why don't you
order up a burger?

I'm an expert
eating those.

I'm going to tl mrs. Clusky
I quit.

But helen!

You can't give up
after only one rehearsal.

Martha's right.

I can't believe I just
agreed with your dog.

Look, acting
is easy.

Trust me, I'm
an expert.

This is my seventh
all-grades school play.

Yeah, but it's thfirst time
you've had any lin to say.

How hard can it be?

It's pretend!

Pretend you're un
cometa, a comet.

Be that ball of
ice and dust.

Dust doesn't
get nervous.

But I'm a kid.
And I do.

Helen, you don't
get nervous
when we're

Pretening stuff
in the yard, do you?

No.

So, what if I came to rehearsal,

And you do your performance
for me?

I guess.

It's perfect!
You can't fail,

Because I think everything
you do is terrific.

*

*

*

(Thud)

Martha:
aw.

Excellent!
Outstanding!

You're really getting the
knack of this stuff!

* It waxes and wanes,
but always the same *

* The moon we see each night

* It's not made of cheese

* No little green men,
but it's quite a lovely sight. *

Now, don't be nervous,
helen.

You're going
to be outstanding!

What if I forget
my lines?

(Gasps) or my tail!

I forgot my tail!

Don't worry!

I've got you covered.

I know all the lines.

Hey! What're you
doing back here?

Dogs aren't allowed
in the school.

Go home, now!

No, wait!

Helen needs me!

Oh, dr.

Uh-oh.

How am I going to get in there?

Aha!

* It waxes and wanes,
but always the same... *

I don't know what
you're so worried about.

You have mucho talento,
so much talent.

You're really a superb
little actress.

You've got a real gift.

Thanks, carolina.

But I wish I had
someourage, too.

Hey, where's martha?

They're almost
at my cue.

I can't do it without martha!

(Panting)

(Grunting)

(Piano playing)

(Grunting):
I'm gonna...

*

* That light in the sky
is not an asteroid *

* Or a plane or a kite
or a high-flyin' void *

* It's halley's comet
flying by *

* Haven't seen you in a while

* Me, oh, my!

(Piano stops playing)

(Audience murmuring)

(Grunting)

(Piano playing)
(clears throat)

* I'm a small, frozen mass

* Whose orbit is elliptical

* They used to think
I was a sign *

* Of things apocalyptical...

Chorus:
* of things apocalyptical!

(Cheering and applause)

All:
and now, the moment you've
all been waiting for,

The star of our solar system...

The sun!

(Gasps)

Oh, no!

Carolina's frozen.

She's got stage
fright!

Somebody do
something.

Martha:
* I am the sun,
the only one *

* That's in our
solar system *

* There are no more
planets left around *

* Unless the scientists
missed 'em! *

(Cheering and applause)

(Overlapping chatter)

That was excellent,
you two.

Now, aren't you glad
you did the play, helen?

Mmm, it was okay,
once I got the knack.

But that was my farewell
performance.

I had no idea

You were such an expert
actress, carolina.

Your line readings
were outstanding.

And I loved you imitating
martha's voice.

(Laughs)
what I want to know is,

How did you talk
without moving your lips?

I had a lot of help
from martha.

Can you tell us why

We should give you a part
in this commercial?

You ve any
unique talents?

Unique talents?

Yes, some special skill
that only you have.

Something you can do
that no one else can.

I can talk.

That's a unique talent.

Anything else?

Anything else?
What more do you need?

I mean, a dog
who can talk!

Think of it!

The very idea boggles the mind.

It begs the most fundamental
questions

Of consciousness and reason!

It touches on the sublime!

It's, it's incredible!

It's awe-inspiring!

Mmm.

Hire the kid who makes the noise
with his armpit.

(Flatulating sounds)

(Sighs)

Show business is so unfair.

Hi, welcome back.

We, let's look at some of
the highlights of today's show.

"Specialize"?

You mean, he only chews on one
thing instead of everything?

No, "outstanding" doesn't mean
helen has to stand outside.

It means she'll be
super-duper great.

"Expert"?!

An expert is someone who's
really good at something!

But I've never done
a play in my life.

So that's our show.

See you next time!

To dig up some more fun words
and game

* I have a dog,
and his name is art *

* He likes
to answer questions *

* And I have to say
he's pretty smart *

* I asked him

What do you call the thing
on top of a house?

He said...

Roof, roof!

* And the dog says

* Roof, roof, roof

* All day

* I have a cat
named mrs. Bee *

* A born and bred
aristocrat *

* She's always having
friends to tea *

Once she burned her tongue,
and she said to me.

Me-ow, me-ow!

* And the cat says

* Meow, meow, meow

* And the dog says

* Roof, roof, roof

* All day

* I have a bird named
tweedle dee *

* She loves to answer riddles
like this one *

Why did the chicken
cross the kitchen?

She said...

To-weet, to-weet.

Oh, I get it!

* And the bird says

* To-weet, to-weet, to-weet

* And the cat says

* Meow, meow, meow

* And the dog says

* Roof, roof, roof

* All day

* Whoo hoo