03x09 - Best in Show/Truman on the Ball

[bunniefuu]

* Martha was an average dog

* She went... and... and...
(barking, growls)

* When she ate
some alphabet soup *

* Then what happened
was bizarre. *

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain,
and now...

* She's got a lot to say

* Now she speaks...

How now, brown cow?

* Martha speaks

* Yeah, she speaks
and speaks and speaks *

* And speakWhat's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

* Martha speaks...

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

* She's not always right,
but still that Martha speaks. *

Hi, there.

* She's got a voice,
she's ready to shout *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* Sometimes wrong,
but seldom in doubt *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* That dog's unique...

Testing, one, two.

* Hear her speak

* Martha speaks and speaks
and speaks and speaks and... *

* Communicates, enumerates

* Elucidates, exaggerates

* Indicates and explicates

* Bloviates and overstates
and... *

(panting)

* ...hyperventilates!

* Martha, to reiterate

Martha speaks!
* Martha speaks.

Listen up, we've got
a big show today,

and everybody's got to be
on top of their game.

I want to see some real effort
and concentration out there.

Truman...
Yes, Coach!

Let's hear a
tongue twister.

Peter Piper picked a peck
of pickled peppers.

MARTHA:
Great!

Now get in there,

and I want
to see a winning show.

Your job is to watch
for all the words

that have to do
with competitions

and what goes into winning them.

Words like: "concentrate,"
"effort,"

"achieve" and "victory."

I'll see you at the end
of the show.

(growling)

(barking)

(growling)

No, you let go!

(growling, barking)

I am not beaten!

I'm just pacing myself.

You guys!

Why do you make
everything a competition?

(Skits yelps)

A competition?
What's that?

It's when you try
to b*at someone else

to see who's best, like you
and Skits with that toy.

I don't make everything
a competition.

Just the important stuff.

(Martha laughs)

Ha-ha! Victory!

(Skits barking)

(groans)

Monsieur Rudolphe is here!

Take one.

Take one.

(yelping, hooting)

(gasps)

(Skits barks)

HELEN:
Sorry.

Oh, I'm really sorry.

(gasps)

Monsieur Rudolphe must be
too long in the hot sun.

He thought he heard
your animal speak.

He did.

I mean, you did.

(gasps)

A talking dog.

Formidable!

You must enter
my dog show.

The winner will
get a medal.

Oh, a medal?

Can you eat it?

No.

Then what's the point?

The point is to show everyone
that you are the best.

We already know that.

Thanks anyway.

Come on,
Carolina's waiting.

You should enter!

You could be somebody!

You could be a champion!

(growling)

Martha, ¿campeona?

A champion?

Yup, that's what he said.

Hmm, you mean a champion,

like someone who's a winner,
someone who's the best?

Yeah, that's
what a champion means.

You don't think Martha
could be a champion?

Oh, sure, sure.

(Skits growling)

(growling)

Well, when I think
of a champion,

I think of a dog like...
François.

I think Martha
could be a champion,

too, though.

Sure, sure.

(gasps)
Hey!

You think Mrs. Clusky
would let me

enter François
in the dog show?

François?

But he's not even your dog.

I can be his handler.

It could be so much fun.

And you can help me.

You know so much about dogs.

We'd make
a really great team.

Well...

I'm going to ask her.

Qué buena idea!

That's a great idea.
Thanks!

You're... welcome?

(growling)

Where's
Carolina going?

Um, nowhere.

Hey, want to do something fun?

Sure, what?

I thought you said
something fun.

But don't you think

being in a dog show
could be fun?

What would I
have to do?

Just allow the judges
to behold that silky,

honey-brown fur,
that noble posture,

those deep brown eyes.

You're sure to win the prize.

Does it cost money to enter?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

A little.

How much is "a little"?

A mere ten dollars
to enter.

And five
for the shampoo.

Fifteen dollars?!

A shampoo?

No way! Right?

Hmm...

Helen, Helen,
right?

CAROLINA:
Bonjour, everyone!

(with French accent):
The winner has arrived!

So, why are
you guys here?

Are you going to enter Martha
in the competition?

Sure, why not?

Just for fun.

Well, Mrs. Clusky gave me
some money for François.

Ah, merci.

Thank you.

But $ is a lot to spend
just to lose to François.

(grumbling)

Hey, cuz, ¿qué pasa?

Do you think
I'm criticizing Martha?

Um, a little.

No, no, no.

Martha's great.

(baby talk):
It's not her fault
she's not a champion

like "widdle" François.

Monsieur Woo-dolphe--

uh, Rudolphe-- said Martha's
a champion, too, right?

Well...

Of course, but Martha
would never b*at François

in a dog show,
right, Monsieur Rudolphe?

Uh, it is
a complex question.

The only way
to know for sure is to...

enter both dogs
in the competition.

Only then will you know
who is the best.

(whimpers)

What are you doing?

I need to find another
stinking dollar

to enter you
in that stinking contest.

(gasps)
Contest?

Now there's a contest, too?

Contest, competition--
same thing.

They're both when you try
to b*at someone,

so you can be the best.

But I thought you said

you already knew
I was the best.

I do, but some
people don't.

(thump)
Ow!

Aha!

But I don't care what
anybody else thinks.

I only care
what you think.

I know, but I just can't stand

the way Carolina talks
about you.

Are you certain Martha
can win the contest?

I mean, this is all
the allowance money

I have in
the world.

Oh, I... I cannot give
an official statement.

But I can practically guarantee

that Martha will have a victory.

A victory?
You mean she'll win?

Exactement.

That is exactly what I mean.

Ten dollars, right?

To enter, yes.

To win...

uh, perhaps it
would be better

if she had
a shampooing.

But you said she...

Well, it's not required.

Just, with this other doggie,
François, in the competition,

it is going to be very close.

DAD:
Five dollars?!

To shampoo a dog?

That's ridiculous.

Dad, Martha needs
a professional shampoo

if she's going to win.

Uh, losing's okay, too.
(nervous chuckle)

Dad, please?

I'll work extra hard.

I'll do whatever chores
you want-- promise!

I'll pay you back.

(sighs, grumbles)

But I don't need
a prize.

I'll just swallow it
or lose it

in the backyard
somewhere.

Hi, cuz.

What are you doing here?

I ask myself the same thing.

Ah, Mademoiselle Martha!

Eh. Doomed.

You're really going
to enter her

in the competition?

Stop saying that!

You're always
putting Martha down.

Well, you are in for a surprise!

François is the one
who's going to lose!

Helen, I don't want you
to be my rival.

I'm not your rival.

How can you stand here
and call me your rival?

I'm not your rival.

What's a rival?

Rivals are people
who are trying

to b*at each other
at something.

And I don't want us
to be rivals.

I'm not being your rival.

I just want Martha to win.

And I want François to win.

Then I guess maybe we
are rivals.

(Martha coughing, spitting)

Help!

What are you staring at?

Quit it!

Come on, Martha,
we need to get ready.

Ow!

Ow.

Ow. Ow.

Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-
ow-ow-ow-ow!

Ow!

Ow.

What happened?

It's boring.

Yeah, but why did you say "ow"?

It's so boring it hurts.

(sighs)

Now, Martha,
come on.

The contest
is tomorrow.

Don't you think it's
worth practicing

just a little
bit more?

(sighs)

Oh, all right.

But if I win,
I know what I'm doing

for the rest of the week.

What?

Nothing!

(dogs barking)

Good afternoon,
mesdames et messieurs

and dogs of
all shapes and sizes.

Welcome to Monsieur Rudolphe's
dog show.

It's a wonderful day
for a competition.

Ready?

Let's go!

(applause)

This is a poem
I wrote about bones.

(clears throat)

"How I love the crunch
of the leftover bones

that I get for lunch."

(applause,
murmurs of approval)

If all the contestants
will please line up,

I will begin the awarding
of the prizes.

Oh, Helen, I don't
want us to be rivals.

I don't care about
this dog show at all.

Me neither.

I don't know why
I got so carried away.

(Rudolphe clears throat)

RUDOLPHE:
And the winner

for best poodle goes to:

François!

Victory!

I-I mean, not
that I care.

The prize for best talking dog

goes to: Martha!

Woo-hoo!

Yeah!

Not that it matters.

(both laugh)

The prize for best dog
named John

goes to: John.

"Best dog named John"?!

(dogs barking in distance)

"Best brown dog"?!

What kind of award is that?

Hey, this medal
is cheap plastic.

There's something funny
about this competition.

Where's Monsieur Rudolphe?

I want my money back!

Hey, where'd he go?

tires screech)
There he is!

He's trying
to get away!

(clamoring)

Looks like we were fooled.

This is your fault, Ed.

My fault?!

I knew there was something fishy
about that man.

He was just after our money.

This medal
is fake!

Quiet!

Quiet! Quiet! Quiet!

What's all the fuss about?

I mean, everybody got a medal,

so everybody won.

This just proves
what I've thought

for a long time:

every pet is special
to someone.

And isn't it worth it to find
out what great pets we have?

To me, that's the only kind
of competition to enter.

(murmurs of agreement)

Oh, Martha!

Heck, it's even worth
getting a shampoo for.

What's with the leaves?

Carolina's helping me do chores

to pay back all the money I owe.

I can't believe
I got so competitive.

Me neither.

From now on, I don't ever
want us to be rivals again.

(yawns)

Do you mind if I stop?

I think I've raked
the most leaves.

Uh-uh! I did!

How can you say that?

I raked way more than you.

HELEN:
No way!

I was raking
and raking.

(Martha screaming)

Martha!
Martha!

Quick, let's see who can
pile the leaves up the fastest

so we can do that again!

Now, that's a competition
I can really get into.

(chuckles)

MARTHA:
And that tennis ball
is going high and wide,

but holy mackerel...

...she makes
the catch!

Wow, Martha, that was great.

Can I try?
Can I throw the ball?

Sure.

Can you go inside?

I'd like to toss the ball
to Martha alone.

Um, sure.

I have to do my
homework anyway.

Skits, too.

Huh?!

Uh, okay.

Skits.

(door closes)

Is she gone?

Yeah. Go ahead.

Throw it.
Throw it to me.

We're not tossing the ball.

We're not?

I have something important
to discuss with you.

What is it?

I can't explain it here.

Walk slowly out
of the yard with me.

Act naturally.

Martha, I have something
I want to show you.

It's a book
about hoboes.

Ah.

From what I can gather,
they ride trains and eat pie,

frequently with a dog.

Ride trains and eat pie?

TRUMAN:
Frequently with a dog.

That sounds like fun.

Really?

Would you like
to be hoboes with me?

It would mean riding on trains
and sleeping in dirt.

Sounds like fun.

Eating squirrel soup

and sleeping in dirt.

MARTHA:
Count me in.

TRUMAN:
It means sleeping in dirt--

sleeping in dirt
and hardly ever taking a bath.

Music to my ears.

When do we start?

(sighs)

What's the matter?

I was kind of hoping
you'd talk me out of it.

Ah, no.

Sounds great to me,
Hobo Truman.

(chuckles)

All right,
I'll get my harmonica

and some baggy pants.

Uh, how long are we
going to be hoboes for?

I need to be home before dinner.

Martha, this is forever.

Forever?!

Weird.

Yesterday, he asked me about
how you join the Pony Express.

He said he was scared of horses,

but he thought
ponies would be okay.

That's strange.

Why would he even
attempt to ride a pony?

Tempt?

No, "attempt."

It means to try something
that's hard to do.

Like attempting to understand
what Truman's up to?

Exactly.

He asked me how you
join the circus.

I thought he meant
when he grew up.

The circus?! Truman?

Yeah.

I reminded him he's
frightened of tigers.

And clowns.

You don't think he's trying
to run away from home, do you?

Why would Truman
want to run away?

Maybe his parents
got a cat.

That would
make me run away.

But Truman
likes cats.

So maybe
they got a bear.

Why would they
get a bear?

To scare away
the cats.

(sighs)

I'm worried.

If he really wants
to run away,

why hasn't he said
anything to any of us?

It's nothing.

Trust me, he'll
go half a block,

see a bug, and run
home screaming.

Hey, look!
He's right over there!

MARTHA:
He's going
into the library.

There he is.

(gasps)
He's looking!

Hi.

Oh, hi!

I just happened to be here

looking for a book
about, um, something.

And here it is!

Tractor Repair Made Easy.

Oh, goody, they have it.

See you later.

Wow!

This guy is really mad
at this whale.

TD, this is no time to
start learning things!

Come on!
Whoa!

CAROLINA:
He's attempting to swing a rope
over his head.

Oops.

I guess he's thinking
of joining the rodeo.

I still don't understand.

Truman's got a great family,
great friends.

Why would he want
to run away?

It's weird.

Speaking of weird,
this book is great!

This guy does not
like white whales.

(sighs)

It's time to get
to the bottom of this.

Truman, do you
have a minute?

I have to return this
book to the library.

I'll walk with you.

Truman, what is all this with
hoboes and rodeos and circuses?

Are you planning on
running away?

Well, not if
there's clowns, no.

Is something
bothering you at home?

No.

Why do you ask?

Because you want
to run away.

Oh, right.

Nah, it's just this
thing at school.

Softball.

We're supposed to have our
first actual game tomorrow.

Softball?

But softball's fun!

It isn't when you can't catch.

Oh.

I tried to explain it
at practice.

Everyone has things they can do
and can't do.

I can't catch.

That's just a fact.

And I'm okay with that,
because when you think about it,

there are very few things
in life

that depend on having an ability
to catch really well.

So I'm happy with me,
even though I can't catch,

and I think you'd save yourself
a lot of frustration

if you accepted it too.

Truman, everyone's waiting.

Get out on the field.

(sighs)

(bat cracks)

(whimpers, groans)

KIDS:
Truman!

I tried to warn you!

I'm okay with the fact
I can't catch.

I accept it.

But everyone else has
a problem with it.

Have you tried
practicing catching?

This morning.

It didn't work.

Well, you have
to have patience.

Patience means you're willing
to wait for something to happen.

Like being patient
and waiting for dinner

or being patient and waiting
for flowers to grow.

The softball game is tomorrow.

I don't have time to be patient.

Hmm.

What about being a gold miner?

You know,
I could go dig in caves.

Caves have bats.

Ugh.

Truman, I'm sure with
a little bit of effort,

you could be
a great catcher.

Effort?!

You're saying if I try
really hard, I can do it?

Yeah!

You just need to give it
a little extra effort.

And I know just who could
give you some lessons.

Who?

Don't worry, I'll teach you
to catch in no time.

First lesson.

Watch this, Truman.

Go, Skits!

Okay! Toss it!

See, it's all about being
friends with the ball.

Friends?

That's right.

The ball
isn't your enemy,

it's your friend.

And when you see your friend,
what do you do?

Um...

You jump all over
and lick him.

Well, well... it's what I do.

You're happy
to see him, right?

Look.

Here he is,
your friend.

Pick him up.

TRUMAN:
Um...

You're worried about
the slobber, aren't you?

Uh, no.

Ugh.

MARTHA:
That's it.

Stay under it!

Stay under it!

TD:unting)
Wow!

This story is
really long.

And I have a bad feeling
about this whale business.

I probably shouldn't
have attempted

to read it at my age.

Then stop reading!

I wish I could.

Now watch.

(panting)

Good, Martha.

Truman, your turn.

Ready?

Not with your mouth,

Truman!

It's a joke!

I'm joking.

Oops.

Next lesson:

Concentration.

To catch the ball,
you have to concentrate.

Let me see you
concentrate.

Concentrate?

You can't see that.

When you concentrate
you think really hard.

You can't see my thoughts.

Yeah, but you can see it
in your face, like this.

Let me see you concentrate.

Um, okay...

Like this?

Hmm.

No, concentrate harder.

Harder? Like...

Um...

This is hopeless.

Shh! I'm trying
to concentrate.

(sighs)

Okay, ready?

Um... but...

Great, 'cause here
it comes!

MARTHA:
Get under it!
Get under it!

(whimpering)

(whimpering)

I did it!

I caught it!
I caught it!

Oh.

You know how
to catch it.

Now hang onto it.

Here it comes!

(grunts)

I have a bad feeling
about this.

This could really turn me
off reading for good.

Excuse me.

May I?

Stay calm,
but concentrate.

If you grab it, it'll
just bounce out.

(whimpering)

Keep your hand soft

and let the ball drop into
the pocket of your mitt.

He'll get it.

Ya verás!

(laughs)

HELEN & ALICE:
Yay!

TD, Truman's game
is starting.

Just a sec.

This is not looking
good for the whale.

Where's Truman?

I don't see him.

Over there.

Here goes.

(gasps)

Calm, calm...

I caught it!

I did it!

Yeah!

Good job, Truman!
Way to go!

You did it!
See?

That's how it's done.

Yeah!

I caught it!
Who got the out?

I got the out!

Right fielder Truman,

MVP and catching pro!

Yeah!

Truman!he ball,
Come on, Truman!

HELEN & ALICE:
Throw it home! Throw it!

Come on, Truman.

Throw?

(grunts)

(sighs)

Sounds like all
that extra effort

really paid
off, Truman.

Now I just have to get
some throwing lessons.

Eh, can't help
you there.

No hands.

I can.
It's easy.

Come on, let's go
to the park.

This'll be fun.

(sighs)

When is throwing ever going

to be an important skill
to have?

I'm never going to need it
in real life.

In real life,
people carry things,

they don't toss them around.

Well, I, for one, am all for
people throwing more things.

Martha's right.

Make an effort, Truman.

Come on, throwing lessons
are starting now.

(Truman groans)

He won!

The whale won!

Awesome!

This is the greatest book ever!

Guys?

Oh, well.

Hmm.

Moby d*ck.

Gotta tell people about this.

I might even help
make it famous.

Mr. Astonishing
and Captain Thrill here.

I'm Captain Thrill.

We're here to discuss
achievements.

An achievement is when you
set out to do something

and succeed.

Especially after trying
really hard.

Today, Mr. Astonishing
is going to attempt

to achieve a feat
of daring.

I am going to try
to check out a library book.

Using his enormous powers
of concentration,

Mr. Astonishing looks for
a book he'd like to read.

Aha!

He patiently waits his turn
to check out the book.

This card belongs
to someone named TD,

not Mr. Astonishing.

Psst! It's me.

And he succeeds!

Quite an achievement!

Great work, team!

You really got all those words
out there.

Let's look at the highlight
reel, shall we?

Truman, I'm sure with
a little bit of effort,

you could be a
great catcher.

Effort.

You're saying if I try
really hard, I can do it?

Let me see
you concentrate.

Concentrate?

When you concentrate,
you think really hard.

Why would he even attempt
to ride a pony?

Tempt?

No, "attempt."

It means to try something
that's hard to do.

Good work, g*ng!

And we'll see you
next time.

Bye!

To dig up some more fun words
and games, vis

* Who's that dog? *

* Who's
that dog? *

* Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. *

That dog is Bert.

We're at Children's Hospital
Boston.

Bert is a volunteer
with the Pawprints program.

He enjoys coming to see the kids
because he gets to be petted

by a lot of children.

He's a friend.

MAN:
I think that it makes them feel,

for a little bit, like they're
not in the hospital

and they can take their mind
off things.

Bye, Bert!
MAN:
He gets to have

little doggie treats when we get
back to the office.

* He's that dog... *
* Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. *