03x02 - Boy Parts

[bunniefuu]

MAN: There it is.

Another one.

Every hook I baited with that jerk chicken got a gator.

It's the odor, I tell you.

You can blind the alligator, he can still hunt for food, but you block up his nose, he'll starve to death.

Yeah, but he'd die first from not being able to breathe.

Yeah, either way it's a death sentence.

We got a lot of skinnin' to do before sundown.

Come on, come to Papa, baby.

Yeah...

(g*nsh*t)

(bird warbling)

("Edge of Seventeen" by Stevie Nicks plays)

♪ Just like the white-winged dove ♪
♪ Sings a song

♪ Sounds like she's singing What the hell?

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh...

Don't look like Fish and Game.

Well, we're cooked if she already made the call.

We got $ , worth of fines here in the camp.

♪ Sounds like she's singing How can we help you, young lady?

♪ Ooh, baby, ooh, said ooh

This is wrong.

All wrong.

♪ Like a strand in the wind m*rder.

♪ In the web that is my own...

All rot and black.

This will not be forgiven.

What do you want, girl?

Why would you k*ll God's innocent creatures?

So they can be made into shoes?

You think she's one of them g*dd*mn PETA girls?

No, she ain't from PETA.

You should have stayed away, girl.

You play with dead things, you're more than likely to join 'em.

(music distorts, fades)

Not all dead.

(trilling)

(man yelling)

(screaming)

(muffled screaming)

(music resumes)

♪ Desire to please

♪ On the edge of seventeen...

(water gurgling, insects trilling)

(whooshing)

♪ La, la, la-la, la-la...

Rise and shine, ladies.

It's time for morning gathering.

♪ La, la, la-la, la-la...

I expect you both downstairs in five minutes.

Shall I come in this?

(sighs)

My God, get over it already.

He spent his summers volunteering for the United Way.

(knocking)

Oh. He should be canonized.

Fiona? I know you're home.

How can you be such a bitch?

Because I understand people, and that guy would have happily taken a turn on me if he had the chance.

No, that's bullshit.

He wasn't like that.

Those guys were his frat brothers.

It's guilt by association.

Open the door, Mother.

No, I don't accept that.

Look, for the sake of peace among roommates, I'm sorry I k*lled your boy candy, okay?

But given your black widow status, he was living on borrowed time anyways.

(knocking)

I'm kind of busy right now.

My God, what's that smell?

I, um...

I went to a Chinese doctor, he gave me some herbs to boil.

I know it's kind of pungent.

We're about to have our morning gathering.

I'm going to be going over the house rules with the girls, and I would like you to hear them.

Hmm. Sounds riveting.

(laughs)

I'll be down in a minute.

Now, listen up, Miss Pittypat.

If you scream, I'm gonna put you right back in the ground where I found you.

You understand? Hmm?

Yeah?

Help!

Shut up! Shut up!

(whimpering)

I want you to tell me right now how it is you're still alive after all these years and not some moldering corpse.

(phone ringing)

(shrieks)

Shh!

Shut up!

(phone continues ringing)

Jesus, woman, it's a cell phone, all right?

CORDELIA: Fiona? We're starting!

(sighs)

Now you just stay quiet, and when I get back, we're gonna continue our little chat.

(sighs)

And you better make it worth my while.

QUEENIE:

Let me get a , extra crispy,

Yo. The medium bucket is supposed to have eight pieces.

This one has only seven.

My name's not "Yo."

It's Queenie.

And you must have miscounted because I packed that bucket myself.

Well, you must have got a "D" in math 'cause there's only seven pieces.

Actually, sir, I got an "A" in math.

All of 'em.

Calculus, trig, advanced algebra.

Is that so?

Mm-hmm.

Look, I'm sure you're a genius.

Just give me an extra piece of chicken, and I'll be done here.

Look, Pencil d*ck, I'm not stupid, okay?

You ate that extra piece, and now you want a freebie.

I'd like to speak to the manager, stupid fat ass.

What did you call me? Get the manager!

I am the manager!

(gurgling and sizzling)

(screaming,

people gasp and murmur)

Help! She's b*rned me!

(man screaming)

(sizzling)

Did they send you to jail?

No.

There were lots of witnesses, and none of them had actually seen me throw the oil.

But it made the local newspaper, and that's how Miss Cordelia found me.

You didn't want to join us at first.

I grew up on white girl sh*t like Charmed and Sabrina the Teenaged cr*cker.

I didn't know that there even were black witches.

But as it turns out, I'm an heir to Tituba.

She was a house sl*ve in Salem.

She was the first to be accused of witchcraft.

So, technically, I'm part of your tribe.

Is this where we all sing "Kum-Bah-Yah"?

Bitch, I will eat you! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey!

You guys have got to start taking care of each other.

We have enough enemies on the outside.

Ms. Foxx?

Yes?

Detective Sanchez, NOPD Homicide.

My partner Detective Stiles. What's this about?

We'd like to have a word with two of your girls.

When a movie star like you shows up at a sorority house, people are gonna pay attention to where you go and with who.

Lot of people saw you go into a back room with some of the guys on the bus.

What does that have to do with the bus flipping?

CORDELIA: These are teenaged girls.

How could they possibly do that?

This all seems so silly.

I'm just looking for someone who had a motive to hurt those guys, who could've screwed

with the brakes or the steering column.

Maybe whatever happened in that room was upsetting.

Shouldn't we have a lawyer here or something?

We're just talking.

Did you know any of those boys? Had you met them before?

No. We barely spoke to them that night. They took me in the back room to try to get me high, but I said no.

She's sober. Except vodka.

Madison has a wicked sense of humor.

But, in fact, she's come a long way with her addiction issues.

We're very proud of her.

Can I ask you why you visited one of the survivors in the hospital?

Um... I felt bad for him.

We-we just met him the night before.

He seemed nice.

He d*ed right after you left.

The doctors can't quite figure out how, but when we checked you out, we noticed that another boy you knew

d*ed in the exact same way right before you got here.

A boy named Charles Taylor.

(Zoe cries)

They g*ng r*ped her, and they got what they deserved!

How did you flip the bus?

Was it the wheels?

It was the wheels.

I have no idea what she's talking about.

I... Nobody r*ped me.

She's clearly lost her mind.

Madison did it. She can move things with her mind.

And I k*lled that assh*le in the hospital.

I have powers, too.

We're witches.

I'm sorry, Detective.

Zoe has clearly suffered some kind of mental break.

No! No, enough lying. It's over!

Everyone here is a witch. I'm so sorry.

Please don't send us to jail.

Nobody's going to jail. Girls.

Will you leave us, please?

Are you in charge here?

I'm Fiona Goode.

(laughs)

I'm in charge everywhere.

We're gonna have to take both of those girls in for questioning.

We'll try to keep this quiet, but that Madison girl...

Drink.

CORDELIA: Fiona, don't.

Come on.

Oh. Tough guy.

Come on, give up.

I'm barely trying, you know.

In about ten seconds, I'm going to turn the heat up in that chubby melon of yours, and I'm gonna turn your brains to scrambled eggs.

Frankly, it's been a hard morning, and I'd really rather not work up a sweat.

So come on. Just drink the damn water, will you, please?

This is totally...

Shut up, Delia!

Unless you want me to spit in a third cup.

(sighs)

Good.

Now, I'm going to need you both to turn over whatever information you've gathered on these girls and never speak about it to anyone ever again.

Are we clear?

Perfectly.

Do you think Fiona can fix it?

You're such a g*dd*mn idiot.

I can't believe you told them everything.

I'm supposed to be cleaning up my act.

When this gets out, I'm screwed.

Who cares? This is m*rder.

Like, multiple murders.

They're not gonna find any evidence that we messed with the bus because we didn't mess with the bus!

What did you do to that sh*t-d*ck in the hospital though?

Idiots.

Have you any idea what's going on out there?

Now, I forgave your ham-handed mass m*rder business with the bus-- overexuberance

of youth and all that-- but if you haven't got the g*dd*mn brains to know that when strangers come

asking questions, we close ranks, then I fear our line is truly at an end.

But they knew so much already.

I couldn't toast a piece of bread with the heat they were putting on you.

You are soft.

You're emotional.

You care what people think.

Now, if there's one thing you learn before leaving this place, it's that we, even the weakest among us, are better than the best of them.

Are we gonna get arrested?

You are missing the point.

Which is?

The point is... in this whole wide wicked world, the only thing you have to be afraid of... is me.

I was supposed to play a cat burglar in this movie once, but the funding fell through.

But not before I learned how to do this.

Hold that.

(grunts)

(clicks)

Madison, what are we doing here?

I'm gonna pay you back.

Pay me back?

For what?

I know what you did for me, dealing with that assh*le, so I'm gonna return the favor.

Stole it out of Foxxy's stash.

It's in Latin.

What is this?

Resurrection spell.

We're gonna bring your boyfriend back to life.

Oh, sh*t.

Guess that crash was even worse than I thought.

No, don't!

(gasps)

He's still kind of cute though.

Madison!

Guess they're trying to figure out where everything goes.

Can we please just get out of here?

Zoe, look around this room.

Okay, what do you see?

A tragedy.

I see potential.

Look,

nice legs over here, a great set of g*ns.

(chuckles)

I wonder if he's a show-er or a grower.

What's your point, Madison?

We take the best boy parts, we attach them to Kyle's head and we build the perfect boyfriend.

Is this just a joke to you?

No, it's a challenge.

All we have to do is follow this recipe.

Find me a saw.

How's the oven?

Ready for a bun?

(chuckles)

(chuckles)

I wish I could say yes.

You've been taking the Clomiphene as directed?

Yes.

And I was sure it must be working.

I had horrible cramps, hot flashes,

blurry vision...

Doc, what's the plan here?

She goes through hell and it doesn't even work.

Hank...

We've been at this for a year.

All I can do is stand around like an assh*le while you get sick.

Well, unfortunately, the fertility dr*gs don't come with any guarantees.

I'll send your blood to the lab and we can consider other options.

Like what?

Like in vitro fertilization.

(sighs)

Doc, can I have a minute alone with my wife?

Sure.

(door opens)

(door shuts)

Baby, if you want to try this, I'll support it.

But I don't get it.

I'm not ready to give up.

I should be able to have a baby just like any other woman.

I know it's horrible, but a lot of women do this.

When they have no choice.

(quietly): You have a choice.

If I start using magic to fulfill my every whim, then I'm just Fiona.

This isn't... a whim. This is about us having a family.

You don't know what you're asking me to do.

This kind of magic-- it's... dark.

It's about life and death, and I don't want to play God.

So you're gonna let Dr. Morrison play God instead.

(door opens)

Mmm...

(sniffs)

Doesn't that smell good?

(chuckles)

One thing

I'll give my daughter-- she can fry up a chicken leg.

I imagine you're... a bit peckish after spending years buried in a hole.

But then... you probably don't need to eat, being immortal.

Of course, sometimes we just like to do things because we enjoy them.

(chuckles) (mumbling)

Do you wish to speak?

What did you just say?

About what?

How long?

years.

Easy to lose track, I suppose.

That bitch.

That evil bitch.

Who?

Who did it?

I mean, they said you were poisoned, but... they obviously got that part wrong.

I was tricked.

By whom?

That black devil.

LAVEAU: A love potion.

I offer it as a gift.

(gasps)

(groans)

(grunts)

Louis?

LAVEAU (outside): LaLaurie!

Show yourself!

You think you and this rabble can frighten me?

I am Madame Marie Delphine LaLaurie.

And you're nothing.

Your feeble attempt at poisoning me failed, n*gg*r witch.

If I wanted you dead, you would be.

Where's my family?

Return them to me.

They never left.

Oh, my... God.

(crying):

What have you done?

Oh, dear God.

Oh, God.

What have you done?

God in Heaven.

(gasps)

(panting)

Oh...

God.

Don't think that they didn't suffer because they did, greatly.

But the fate that I have planned for you will make their suffering seem as a gentle sleep.

It wasn't poison that I gave you but something far worse.

My gift to you, Madame LaLaurie, was life everlasting.

Immortality was in that bottle.

Bring her!

(others shouting)

My God...

For your sins, Madame LaLaurie, you are damned to live forever.

To never know the release of sweet death.

To never reunite with loved ones in the realm beyond.

But instead to be alone, sealed up in your unmarked grave for all eternity, listening to the world go on

around you, even until that world is no more.

(cheering)

(sighs)

I'm sorry for your loss.

You want a bite?

I'm not hungry.

I need a bowl and some hair from his head.

(strikes match)

(gasps)

Okay.

Breathe in the smoke.

(both inhaling)

Aah!

(both screaming)

(gasps)

Give me your hand.

Blood is our sacrament.

Calpriziana, offina alta nestra, fuero menut.

Azazel, we submit to you body and soul, the lord of the underworld, we offer you our obedience

and everlasting devotion until death sanctifies this unholy union.

Did we just marry the Devil?

'Cause I don't know if I'm down with that.

(Madison screams)

Berald, Beroald, Balbin,Gab, Gabor, Agaba.

BOTH: Berald, Beroald,Balbin, Gab, Gabor, Agaba.

Berald, Beroald, Balbin,Gab, Gabor, Agaba.

Berald, Beroald,Balbin, Gab, Gabor, Agaba.

Return to the mortal coil!

Arise!

(both panting)

Well, that was a bust.

You sure you said the spell correctly?

Hey, I've been acting since I was five.

I know my lines.

I guess we're just not powerful enough.

Hey, I'll, I'll meet you in the car.

I, I left my phone in here somewhere.

Hurry up.

(door opens)

(door closes)

sh*t.

Tough luck, bitch.

I'm so sorry, Kyle.

None of this would have happened if we weren't at that party.

My life has just been so out of control lately.

I wish I could have kept you out of it.

(door opens, Zoe gasps)

Who's there?

What the hell?

Oh, Jesus Christ.

(clang)

What the hell are you doing here?

(snarls)

(growling)

Kyle, no, no!

(indistinct chatter)

Aah.

You're not used to having a... white woman in your chair, are you?

I'm not used to having a white woman in this neighborhood.

Uh-uh, there's no smoking in here.

Most of that is real hair, more precious than gold.

We buy it by the pound.

Mm-hmm.

(hip hop playing over stereo)

(laughs)

Yeah, yeah.

(stereo clicks off)

You look good, little mama.

All right, you get going home now.

I was just finishing.

All right, you all go home, too.

I'll finish this one myself.

(distorted speaking)

Stop.

Stop it.

I don't like it, stop.

Stop.

You okay?

Too much noise.

(distorted speaking continues)

You think too loud.

It... is bothering me.

Just get out.

What the...?

Oh, who are you?

Out of my way, sl*ve.

Who you calling a sl*ve, bitch?

Yo, who is this stinky old ...?

So, have you owned this place long?

What do you think?

I think, when they say good black don't cr*ck, they're not wrong.

What's your secret?

What's yours?

Your manicure cost more than my rent.

Woman like you wipes her ass with diamonds.

She don't just end up walking in here for hair extensions.

My, my, my, aren't you perceptive?

You know exactly who I am and what I'm capable of, just like I know exactly what you are, witch.

I can smell the stink of it on you.

Well, I didn't expect you to like me.

(chuckles)

I mean, after all, your kind and my kind have been going after each other for centuries, though it is kind of like a hammer going after a nail.

Everything you got, you got from us.

Tituba.

Voodoo sl*ve girl who graced us with her black magic.

She couldn't tell a love potion from a recipe for chocolate chip cookies if she had to read it.

You made her a sl*ve.

Before that she came from a great tribe-- the Arawak.

She learned the secrets of the other side from a , -year-old line of shamans.

Necromancy-- she gave it to your girls of Salem.

A gift repaid with betrayal.

Please.

You want to tell me that some illiterate voodoo sl*ve girl gave me my crown?

Well, maybe you haven't heard the news about civilization starting in Africa.

We're more than just pins in dolls and seeing the future in chicken parts.

You've been reading too many tourist guides.

Speaking of tourist guides--

no more spray--

I have been to St. Louis Number and I have seen the tomb of Laveau, seen the fat tourists

from Little Rock to Hackensack drawing crosses on the bricks, making wishes to the bones

of Marie Laveau.

(chuckles)

Little do they know, all they have to do to get their wishes granted was come down here to the Ninth Ward

and get their hair braided.

And what is your wish, witch?

I want what you have, whatever it is that has kept you young all these years.

(laughs)

The hammer wants the nail's magic.

Oh, that is rich.

Yeah, and you're going to give it to me because I have something you want.

You could offer me a unicorn that sh*t $ bills, and I'd still never give you more than a headache.

Boys.



Hurry, get, get it, put it out. Stop!

I don't like it.

(fire extinguishers spraying)

But we'll be in touch.

Such a lovely place you have here.

It's nice to see you doing so well after all these years.

I mean, maybe in another century... you could have two sh*thole salons.

CORDELIA: Jam tibi impero et principio maligne spiritus! Ut confestim allata et circulo discedas, absque...

MAN: You think it's gonna work?

Jesus, Hank, you scared the sh*t out of me!

You shouldn't be in here.

You okay, baby?

It's all going to be all right.

I just... I need to concentrate.

Just give me minutes, okay?

Whatever it takes.



(both laugh)

(door closes)

(water dripping)

CORDELIA: Absque omni lisione cujuscunque creature vel reiet ad locum a justissimo tibi deputatum in momento et ictu oculi abeas...

(gasps)

Krek creeteo mav kaas kataan.

(gasps) Say it.

Krek creeteo mav kaas kataan.

(moaning)



(Cordelia moans loudly)

(cr*ck, whooshing, moaning continues)

(moaning)

(moaning continues)

(Hank moans loudly)

(both panting)

(crickets chirping)

(both groan)

(door closes, gasping)

(Kyle groans loudly)

Kyle? Kyle!

(groaning) Kyle!

(truck horn blowing)

I know... I know you know something's wrong.

Maybe this is too hard for anyone to hear, but... Kyle, you d*ed.

Can-can you remember that?

You know, you were on a bus, and-and there was an accident.

Sort of. (gasps)

Like, it wasn't your... it wasn't your fault.

Okay, none of it was your fault.

We tried to put you together the best we could, and-and...

(guttural yelling) Then we brought you back from the other side.

(guttural yelling) No! No, stop! Kyle! No! Kyle!

(tire squealing) Stop!

Look, okay, may... maybe it would have been better for you to stay dead. I don't know.

But I couldn't forgive myself if I didn't try.

I forgive you.

(Zoe screams, tires squeal, Kyle yells)

Even though you drew me out here.

(Zoe pants loudly)

Turn around. (gasps)

Make a right.

ZOE: Do you really think that's going to work?

I know it will.

This stuff is the sh*t... literally.

Louisiana swamp is full of Spanish moss and alligator dung.

Amazing healing properties.

Mother Nature has an answer for everything.

Healed me when I was b*rned alive.

You are Misty Day.

You're the witch Cordelia was telling us about.

Everyone thinks you're dead, but, of course, you're not.

You have the power of resurgence.

The power of resurgence.

I like the sound of that.

We have so much to teach each other, Zoe.

Maybe we do. I always knew there were others like me, but I had no idea how to find you.

And then today I was meditating in the woods when my heart started racing, and my teeth started vibrating.

Something was calling to me.

I had no idea what it was, but... I knew I had to follow.

Your magic called me there.

And I'm so grateful.

Now I'm not alone.

♪ She rings like a bell through the night ♪ ♪ And wouldn't you love to love her? ♪ ♪ She rules her life like a bird in flight ♪ ♪ And who will be her lover?

Who sings this?

Who sings this?

♪ All your life you've never seen... ♪

Fleetwood Mac.

Stevie Nicks is my hero.

That's Stevie Nicks from American Idol?

It's Stevie Nicks.

"The White Witch."

The only witch before you I've ever known.

She's an actual witch?

Listen to the lyrics.

♪ She rules her life like a bird in flight ♪ ♪ And who will be her lover?

This song was her anthem.

♪ All your life you've never seen... ♪

Doesn't it just... penetrate your soul and tell the truth about everything you ever felt in your whole life?

Yeah. Totally.

♪ Will you ever win?

Um, I really should be going.

Going? What do you mean?

My school-- I'm sure they're wondering where I am.

♪ Rhiannon...

I just have to figure out where to take him.

He can stay here with me.

I'll heal him.



(gently groaning)

And then, when you come back, he'll be good as new.

♪ Dreams unwind, love's state of mind... ♪

Hey, you'll come back, right? Hmm?

(Kyle groans softly)

LAVEAU: And clean your station, baby girl, 'cause I am sick and tired of them old boxesof Popeye's and Coke cans.

(indistinct chatter, door opening)

(door closes)

You ain't never gonna believe who's back.

(low growling)

We got some business to attend to.

(growling)

(bellowing)

(birds singing)

They haven't changed the names of the street signs.

You're lucky you didn't get run over.

You know, the world has sped up a bit since you went down in that hole.

(mutters)



I'd be trampled by a herd of elephants, it wouldn't make a spit of difference.

They defaced my home with a plaque.

"The House of Madame LaLaurie. An historical site."

My home-- a museum of horrors.

People have always celebrated the macabre.

You're not remembered fondly, but I guess that beats not being remembered at all.

I was a woman of my time.

Hmm. That is a crock of sh*t.

You've got a mean streak wider than your backside, or a sickness of the mind.

Either way, if ten of the hundreds of things I have read about you are true, then you deserved every minute down there under all that dirt.

They took my babies, you know?

Hung 'em in a straight line right up there.

My husband, too.

Him, I didn't care about.

I'd been planning on k*lling him for weeks.

Poison in his buckwheat.

Well, you'll forgive me if I have trouble feeling sorry for you. I don't care what kind of a monster anybody says I am.

I loved my girls... in my own way.

Even the ugly one.

The moment she came out of my belly, she was a shame to me.

She had the face of a damn hippo, but I loved her just the same.

Hell is real.

I've seen it down in that box.

Time disappears.

The only thing that's left is what's in your mind's eye.

And all mine saw were the faces of my girls.

Forever.

Well, maybe it's better.

At least in death, you can't disappoint the ones you love.

Are you a witch or something? Why?

Well, I was hoping you were.

Then maybe you'd know how to k*ll me.

(laughs) Oh, I may k*ll you yet, but not today.

But you run away again, and it's back in the box for you, understand?

Yes, ma'am.

Good. Let's go home.

(birds singing)

(horn honking)