05x06 - Fugitive Tommy/Visiting Aunt Miriam

[bunniefuu]

[Drumroll]

[Playful music]

- [Snoring]

♪ ♪

- [Grunts]

♪ ♪

[Kids giggling]

- [Clears throat]

And on this day,
your first birthday,

I, the elderest mcnulty,
pass down to you, teddy,

Our family's ball.

This very same ball
that has been in our family

Since I was only, uh...

This many

Will now be yours
to throw and catch and roll

Until another mcnulty is borned.

Do you accept
this responsibility?

- Uh...

Uh...

- [Crunching]

- Yeah?

- Then I now present you
with the ball.

Catch!

Come on, teddy.
You can do it!

Catch the ball!

- Hey!

That's mine.

[Both grunting]

[Wails loudly]

[All gasping]

- Hey, what's the--

- He took the--the ball,

And he knocked me--me--me down.

[Wailing loudly]

- Pickles.
- Pickles.

- Lasky, mcnulty.

- And that's checkmate.
I win again.

- [Sighs]

Careful, he cheats.

- So, lasky, I thought you were
gonna bring your rugrat today.

- I did.

He's right over there
with the other kids.

Now, come on.
Let's play already.

- Hold your horses.
I've got to get mine settled.

[Grunting]

What's with your queen there?

- It's that grandson of mine.

An angel, that gabriel,
except he's teething right now.

Just wants
to chew on everything.

Now, are we here to play,
or are we here to play?

- All right.
All right.

Okay, lasky, prepare to lose.

- [Giggles]

[Grunting]

[Sighs]

Uh, oh.
Hi.

[Ball pops]

[Air hisses]

Hey, why'd you do that
to your ball?

Hey.

- That's him.

He pushed me down
and breaked the mcnulty ball.

- But i-i-i, um, I mean...

I didn't do nothing.

- Hey, wait a minute.
Aren't you the pickles kid?

I would've expected
better from you.

- But i-i-i'm--

I couldn't have
broked your ball.

I'm just a baby.

- You know, popping our ball
must've been pretty tough.

Pickles might
be telling the truth.

- Yeah, it was that other kid,
that kid with the one tooth.

He broke your ball
when he bited it.

Then he bited the top
right off my bottle.

- Oh, yeah?

Where is this kid
with one tooth?

I don't see anybody.
- No, he--

- You just made the whole thing
up to save yourself.

You make me sick.

- [Grunting]

Listen, teddy.

I'm sorry your ball
getted popped,

But I didn't do it.

- Don't waste your breath,
pickles.

You're gonna stay right here
till you admit what you did

And say you're sorry
to my brothers

And to the mcnulties
that ain't even been borned yet.

- I'm not saying sorry
for something I didn't do.

And while I'm heres,

There's a kid out there who's
gonna pop the other kids' balls.

- Yeah, right.
Come on, guys.

Let's go play.
He's not going anywheres.

- Whoops.

Sorry.

What?

Are you here to play
or to look at my pretty face?

- [Sighs]

- [Grunting]

Whoa!

[Yelling]

- Hey, guys!
The ball popper's escaping!

[All yelling shrilly]

- [Groaning]

Oh, no!

[Yelling]

[All yelling shrilly]
- [gasps]

[All yelling shrilly]

- We got us a missing pickle.

I want a baby-by-baby search
of the whole playground.

- Uh--
what?

Hmm, that one-toothed kid
was here,

And he goed that way.

I just need something
to poke in here

So I can pull them off.

[Gasps]
I got it!

[Gasps]

- I found something.

Pickles must've dropped it.

- This is what
he must've used to pop our ball.

- I guess you was right.

It was pickles.

- [Gasps]

- He ain't over here.

- [Panting]

If only I had my screwdriver...

[Gasps]

The one-toothed kid--
he was here.

He must've went this way.

- Okay, these are all the ways
out of the park.

If we put a mcnulty
at all of them,

Then he can't get away.

- What about the potty?

- Huh, he could
be hiding in there.

- No, I mean
I need to go potty.

- Well, check for him
while you're in there.

- [Grunting]

[Dog barking]

[Dog barks]

- Attaboy.

[Dog barks]

- Scrappy!

[Dog yaps]

[Dog panting]

Timmy!

- He's still around here
somewheres,

But where?

- Now that
he's got the cuffs off,

He could be anywheres.

- [Gasps]
it's him.

I'll get you.

- Lookee there.

My sprout's
playing follow the leader

With the mcnulty boys.

- Yippee.
Check!

[Boys yelling shrilly]

- [Gasps]

[Panting]

Agh!

[Airplane engine roaring]

I mean it, timmy.

It wasn't me.
I square.

- Enough with your lying,
pickles.

You're coming with me,

And we're gonna tell everybody
you're a dirty ball popper.

- [Squirming]

[All gasp]

- [Yelling]

- He's getting away!

- [Gasps]

[Ball pops]

[Air hisses]

Hey, kid.
- Yeah, what do you want?

- Um, well, you know...

You got me in lots of trouble,

And you shouldn't bite
other kids' stuff.

It's wrong.

- Oh, you don't know
what you're talking about.

This tooth hurts worse
than diaper rash.

It's driving me crazy.

- Well, that don't mean

That you can go around
hurting other babies.

- There he is!

[Cackles]

We got you now, pickles.

- No! You don't understand.
This isn't--

- And I didn't hurt that kid
with the ball.

He fell over.

Yeah, I just wanted his ball
'cause this--

This tooth, it hurts so bad.
I had to bite something.

- Hey, that's the kid
who must've done the popping.

- And he's got that one tooth,
just like pickles said.

- Hey, pickles wasn't lying.

Let's get him!

- Uh-oh.

- You guys, no!

- Wait!

We can't be too mad at him,

'Cause--'cause I got a tooth
coming in too,

And it does hurt really bad.

[All gasp]

[Laughter]

- That's check and mate.

[Chuckles]
I win.

- You win?
I'll tell you what you won.

Cheater of the century,
that's what you won.

- [Chuckles]
you can't prove anything.

- Danged if I can't.

Why, three of those pawns
are checkers.

- Told ya.
He cheats.

[People yelling on tv]

[Reptar and thorg roaring]

- Hey, there's no prize in here.

[Phone ringing]

Hello.

- Louis?
It's your cousin miriam.

I know it's short notice,

But I got my regular poker game
this afternoon,

And myra zuckerman's out
with something intestinal.

How'd you like to be a fourth?
- Not me.

The last time I played cards
with you, you cheated.

Besides, I'm watching
the kids today.

I can't play.

- Oh, it's probably
out of your league anyway.

We play for very big money.

Sometimes the pots
can get up over $100.

- Well, if your pots
are that big,

Then I guess I could
bring the kids along.

I'll see you in 15.

Kids, we're gonna
go visit aunt miriam.

- How come your aunt miriam
gots big pots?

- Um, for cooking stuff,
I guess.

- One time,
my mommy and daddy taked us

To something called a potluck,

And everybody bringed
different food.

- I wonder what
your grandpa's gonna bring.

- Let's go, kids.
Time's a-wasting.

- I guess he's bringing us.

[Doorbell rings]

- Oh.

[Smooches]
tommy, you cutie-pie.

You're getting
to be such a big boy.

I'm glad you could make it, lou.

Come on in and meet the girls.

- Now, you kids play nice

While grandpa lou takes your
aunt mims for all she's got.

[Chuckles]

- Hey, guys.
Look at all the pretty stuff.

[Laughter]

- Your aunt miriam and her
friends sure are funny looking.

- [Laughs]

- Oh, hello.

- You're sure you can handle
a pot this big, louis?

- Don't you worry yourself
about me, mims.

- They're talking about
that big pot again.

- Whatever
they're gonna cook in it,

I don't think I want to eat any.

- Me either.

- What a handsome young fellow.

- Reel it in there, sheila.

This old fish ain't gonna
be tugging on your line.

Now, let's play cards.

- How come their skin
is all saggy?

- I don't think these
are regular grandmas at all.

- I think
they're alien grandmas.

- But if they're alien grandmas
and not real grandmas,

Then what are they gonna cook
in their pot?

- Hi, guys.
What you doing?

Whoa!
Ow.

[Laughs]

Hey, aren't these ladies nice?

- [Chuckling]
lou!

Is that your hand on my knee?

- What are you talking about?

My hands are right here.

- Well, who do we have here?

- That's chuckie.
He's my grandson tommy's friend.

- Well, he is just adorable.

Now, look at this one, flossy.

Couldn't you just eat him up?

[All gasp]

[Smooching]

[Chuckie giggling]

He's absolutely delicious.

- Oh, no.
They're gonna eat chuckie.

- [Giggles]

- But your grandpa wouldn't
eat chuckie, would he?

- He probably doesn't know
what's going on.

Oh, that happens a lot.

- All right, you ladies
have stalled long enough.

Quit fussing with the kid,
and let's play cards.

- Look at the little sprigs.
They're bored.

Didn't you bring them
any toys to play with?

Well, I'm gonna get the babies
something to play with.

Mmm, aren't you
the sweetest little thing?

- Shouldn't
we better tell chuckie

They're gonna put him in the pot
and eat him for lunch?

- We can't do that, lillian.

He'll turn that funny
white color and start crying.

- Phil's right.

We'll have
to save him ourselves.

- Wow, these ladies
really like me.

- They sure do, chuckie.
[Laughs nervously]

- Here you go, kids.
Have fun.

- [Laughs]

Hey, look at me, guys.

I'm soup.

[All gulp]

- Read 'em and weep, girls.

Three jacks.

- Not so fast there, cuz.

Three queens.

- You're cheating.

- Oh, quit being a sore loser,
louis.

He was always a sore loser.

- 'Cause
you were always cheating.

- And his memory's
starting to go too.

But don't worry, louis.

You just prattle on
while I go get us some food.

Come on, kids.

Want to help
your old aunt miriam

Find these nice ladies
something to eat?

- No, chuckie.
You can't go.

- Why not, tommy?

- Uh, um...

Because your shoes are untied.

- But my shoes
are always untied.

I'm gonna go help aunt miriam.

Bye.

- What are we gonna do, tommy?

- We got to save him.

- Okay, kids.
These snacks are for you.

Especially you, chuckie.

You're my best little helper
and a bit too skinny,

I might add, but no worry.

Aunt mims will fatten you up.

- Oh, no.

They're gonna make chuckie fat
before they eat him

So there'll be enough
for everybody.

- What do we do?

- We can't let him
eat that food.

- Mmm, these have jelly
in the middle.

- What's the holdup, lou?

Are you in or out?

- All right,
enough with the chatter.

Just give me another 50.

- Miriam, I thought
you put food out.

- I did, darling.
It's right...

Gosh, those munchkins
must've had some empty bellies.

Well, I'll just get some more.

- That should do it.

- Hey.
What happened to all the food?

- Uh, we ate it all, chuckie.

- Boy, you guys
must've really been hungry,

But that's okay.

I'll just get you guys some
more snacks from the kitchen.

[All gasp]

- There's my little helper.

You kids really
gobbled up those snacks.

No matter, aunt miriam will
just whip up some more cookies.

[Sack rips]

Oh!

- [Coughing]

- Oh, dear.

- Oh, no.

- [Coughing]

- We might be too late.

I think she's getting ready
to cook him.

Quick, we have to get him
out of there.

- [Mumbling]

- Now, where did he go?

- [Grunting]

Why'd you drag me out of there?

Aunt miriam needs me.

I'm her little helper.

- Uh, we wanted
to play hide-and-seek,

And you're our bestest hider,
chuckie.

So all three of us
are gonna look for you.

- Okay...
This is kind of weird.

I don't think we ever played it

With three lookers
and one hider.

Hey, you guys are peeking!

You're not even counting either.

- One...
- Four...

- Peanut...
- Party...

- Nine...
- Seven...

- Pony...
- Puppy...

- Lookee, girls.
All the same color.

- Oh, sheila, that's so pretty.

- Isn't that pretty, lou?

- You're dealing off
the bottom of the deck.

Ooh, you're all
in this together.

- Louis, I'm surprised at you.

- All right, then one hand,
winner takes all.

What do you say we settle this
once and for all, mims?

- You're on, louis.

Ladies.

Both: we're in.

- Come on, we got to stop
chuckie from getting cooked.

- Now, whoever wins this game
gets the whole pot.

Right, ladies?

- Oh, no.

That means the winner
gets to eat chuckie.

[Both gasp]

- What are we gonna do?

- Well, my grandpa
would never eat chuckie.

So we're gonna have
to make sure he wins.

- How do we do that?

- Uh, I think the winner

Is the one who gets
most of those cards.

We got to get as many
as we can for my grandpa.

Now, give me your cards,

And I'll give them
to my grandpa.

- You guys aren't supposed
to be hiding.

You're supposed to be looking.

- No, chuckie, not now.

You got to go back and hide.

- Why?

- Um, well, um...
You see...

- 'Cause the grown-ups
are gonna eat you.

- What are you talking about?

- These ladies want
to put you in their pot

And cook you for lunch.

- That's the craziest thing
I ever heard.

They just like me.

- Nuh-uh, we heard them talking,
chuckie.

They said you was delicious,
and they could eat you up.

- But they--
they was just being nice.

- Oh, yeah?

Then why'd they put out
all these pots and pans?

- For us to play with?

- And look at your shirt.

- Well, she just said--
she said that--

She said she was gonna make...

Cookies.

Agh!

I don't want to be eated.

I probably don't even taste
very good.

[Sobbing]

- What's wrong, scout?

- Louis, you cheated.

- What are you talking about?

What--i--those...

You framed me.

That pot is mine.

I'm taking it and going home.

Come on, kids.

- It worked, guys.

Grandpa won the pot.
Chuckie's saved.

Both: yay!

- ♪ I'm not gonna be eated ♪

- Look, lou, no hard feelings.

So I cheated you 60 years ago.

Now we're even.

Can we count you in
for next week?

- How's thursday?

Didi and stu will be out
for the night

So we can play at my place.

[Person yelling gibberish]