02x12 - Bad Hair Day/Dance Lessons

[bunniefuu]

[bell rings]

[children cheer]

[scream]

Ah!

[burp]

It's not fair.
It's just not fair.

Yeah, this whomps.

How come you guys
get to miss school and we don't?

Because the Young Inventors Fair
is an invitational exposition.

Means you gotta be invited.

It's a great opportunity
to show off exciting new ideas

from smart young minds.

So why's Spinelli going with you?

'Cause she needed a smart kid
to be her assistant.

-Want to make something of it?
-N-not at all.

May I be the first
to wish you success on this

and all future scientific endeavors?

[honking]

Come, Gretchen,
our colleagues await.

Girls.
They sure stick together.

Hey, everybody. That Mikey kid
is going for it again.

-Again?
-Hey, if he pulls it off,

he could get
in the world record book.

Let's motor.

[chattering[

[blowing]

Oh!

Looks like he's going to do it
this time.

He's gonna blow
the biggest bubble gum bubble ever.

[crowd] Blow! Blow! Blow!

Gentlemen, we're witnessing
history in the making.

Gus, alert the media.

[crowd] Blow! Blow!

Oh, bubble. How it feels?

[crowd] Blow! Blow! Blow!

Blow! Blow! Blow!

[groaning]

Blow! Blow! Blow!

[T.J.] No!

[expl*si*n]

Bubble go boom.

Meddling kid.

[gasps]
Mikey, your... head.

[boy] His whole head
is covered with gum.

[children laughing]

I tried to alert the media
like you said, T.J.,

but the best I could do
was this guy from the school paper.

This story pretty much tells itself.

It's one I've heard too many times.

I need a juice.

No! This can't be happening!

Come on, Mikey, You'll break
the bubble gum record next time.

You don't understand.
There won't be a next time.

There wasn't even supposed
to be a this time.

I'm not allowed to chew gum

because when I do, I do this.

When my mom and dad find out
that I got gum in my hair again,

I'm going to be grounded
for a whole year.

What about using ice on your hair?
I heard that works.

Tried it before.
It froze my brain.

-Cooking oil?
-Urban myth.

Putting a paper bag
over your head and then--

No, wait.
That's for hiccups.

I'm doomed!

Calm down, big guy.
We can fix it

so your mom and dad
will never know the differene.

-How?
-All you do gotta do is get a haircut.

But I spent all my money on gum.

I don't have enough left
to go to a barber.

You don't need a barber.
You got one right here.

Snippety-snip, problem solved.

Uh, Teej, can I talk to you
for a minute?

No offense, man,
but are you wack?

What do you know
about cutting hair?

Come on. I've seen Mr. Neno
do it a million times.

You comb, you cut,
you watch out for the ears.

So, Mikey, up for the haircut?

-I don't know.
-Trust me.

You're not going to hurt me, are you?

Couldn't if I tried.
These are safety scissors.

Now then, you just pull the hair
straight up and cut.

-Hey, that didn't hurt.
-Told you I know what I'm doing.

Now quit rocking the duck.

[snipping]

What do you think, guys?

Eh, I think
it's a little long on the left,

Like he's leaning to one side.

Good eye, vince.

[snipping]

Well, that's it.

You know, I'm not half-bad
at this haircutting thing.

In fact, if I was Mr. Neno,

I'd be packing up my clippers
and comb juice

and hitting the road.

There's a new barber in town
and his name is Mr. Teej.

[Mikey]
So it looks good, right?

See for yourself.
Gus, the mirror, please.

-You sure you're done?
-Show the man.

Could you step back a little, Gus?

I can't see my hair.

Ah!

-Was that a good "ah" or a bad one?
-You ruined my hair!

Careful, Mikey. You're awfully close
to hurting Mr. Teej's feelings.

Your feelings?
What about my head?

Come on, Mikey.
You're styling. Right, fellas?

-Yeah, man. It's-- What? Radical.
-Yeah, right.

No, really.
It's, uh, very cutting edge.

If I had enough hair on my head,
I'd probably get one, too.

Trust me, Mikey.
Everyone's going to love it.

[gasps]
I'm telling!

Not so fast, Randall.

First, you gotta tell Mikey
what a good haircut he's got.

-Are you kidding?
-You tell Mikey

his haircut looks cool, and I'll give you
my Senor Fusion number eight.

Number eight, huh? I need that one
for my collection.

OK. Why not?

Whoa, Mikey,
that's a great new look for you.

-You think?
-Sure. You look way cool.

In fact, I heard those guys
in the band Dogs Pajamas

just got their hair cut the same way.

Did someone say
Dogs Pajamas?

They're only our favorite
alterna-hop swing band ever.

T.J. gave me a haircut
to look just like them.

-[both] Two, please.
-Gentlemen, grab a duck.

[both] You look just like them.

Let's show off and tell people.

You cover the West playground,
and I'll take the East.

Guys, I think I found my calling.

Whoa!

T.J. did it
just like Dogs Pajamas.

Cool. What's he charging
for one of those puppies?

Sam and me just gave
a couple of comic books.

I'm there.

[snipping]

[snipping]

[clanking]

Normally, it's three ducks,
no waiting.

But you can see
how busy we are.

I'll pencil you in
for later this afternoon,

but I can't make any promises.

What if I give you my copy
of Senor Fusion number two?

Number two?

I'll see what I can do.

I think
you missed a spot.

I suppose you think
you can do better.

As a matter of fact,
I do.

-Mr. Vince, I presume?
-Call me Vincenzo.

[rock music playing]

Payment is due
upon services rendered.

But all my good junk
is in my desk.

I'll keep an eye on your sister
until you get back.

Hurry, Bradley.

Hey, Teej, think about this.

We've got the Ashleys at our mercy.

We could really make them look bad.

Vincenzo, need I remind you
that we are professionals?

We always do our best

regardless of who happens
to be straddling the duck.

Check.
Three Mikeys coming up.

Sorry, but Mr. Teej and Vincenzo
are completely booked.

You should have called.

But I have to go
to my cousin's wedding

and I want to look my best.

Well, I hear the Huffler kid's
giving his version of the Mikey

behind the dumpster.
Why don't you go see him?

-But I want the real Mikey.
-Sorry. Bye now.

I can't believe it.
We're actually turning away business.

-Only one problem, Teej.
-What's that?

What happens when everybody
figures out these haircuts whomp?

What are you talking about?
They're OK.

Besides, the first rule of business
is to give the people what they want,

And today they want the Mikey.

I don't know. What if some bigger kid
gets one of these haircuts,

realizes they whomp,
then decides to kick our butts?

Ah, come on.
What bigger kid would possibly want

one of these stupid haircuts?

[Bob] I'd like an appointment.

Everyone would like
an appointment,

but Mr. Teej and Vincenzo
are booked till August.

So why don't you just go home

and get your mommy to give you
the bowl treatment?

[Bob] Oh, I think
they'll find the time for me.

-K-King Bob?
-Out of my way.

But you can't go back there.

[Bob] You two, barber boys.

Oh, hello, there,
King Bob, your highness, sir.

What can we do for you today?

-I want a haircut.
-A haircut?

That's right. My mom's going to make me
get one anyway,

So I've decided to get one from you.

-Oh-oh.
-This haircut of yours,

the Mikey they call it,
has swept the playground.

At first, I didn't like it,
but my advisors assured me

it was the coolest thing around.

They said I'd look
just like the guys from Dogs Pajamas,

so I want the same thing,
only different.

[gulp]
Different, your majesty?

But everybody loves the Mikey.
It's the latest trend.

I lead.
I do not follow.

Now give me a King Bob,
and make it snappy.

-You take this one, buddy.
-No way.

I only do the Mikey.
You're the stylist.

-Yeah, but what if I make him--
-Enough talk.

Let the royal cutting begin,
and don't screw it up.

-OK, how about we do it together?
-Deal.

You do one side, I'll do the other.

[chattering]

-Oops.
-What did you say?

Uh, nothing. Looking good,
your royal hairness.

-Mama.
-[snipping]

OK, your majesty,
I believe we're... done?

Your side looks
like it got caught in a blender.

I know. I was nervous.

Well, mine's not much better.
Nice knowing you, Mr. Teej.

-Well, what do you think, sire?
-Advisors?

Well, out with it.
How great do I look?

-It's excellent, your excellency.
-A haircut fit for a king.

Gnarly, my Liege.

Behold! I am trim!

-[children cheer]
-[sigh]

And so it is, we live.

Let's get out of here
while the getting's good.

-Get out of what?
-Get out of nothing.

We're in the hair business for keeps.

Say, how much
do you think they charge

for one of those
red-and-white poles?

In honor of my new haircut,
I proclaim a royal procession.

[children cheer]

[playing kazoo]

[cheering]

He's so stylish.

It's the newest rage
among the royals.

But remember, we had it first.

It's so refreshing

to have a king
who understands fashion.

Well, Teej,
looks like we did it.

Yep. We're rich and famous,
and you wanted to run.

Hey, you know the beauty part?

In four weeks
when everyone needs a trim,

-We start all over again.
-[laughing]

What's so funny?

Who dares laugh in my presence?

You people.
You-- You--

-You look all goofy.
-[laughing]

The heck you say?

No, Spinelli's right.

Your hair,
it looks like crop circles.

[laughing]

No, no, no. You're wrong.

See, we all look
like that band, Dogs Pajamas.

Are you kidding?
I just saw those guys on TV.

They got hair down to their butts.

[laughing]

[screaming]

[murmuring]

But they told us
these haircuts were cool.

-Who told you?
-[silence]

[thud]

-[nervous laugh]
-[both] See ya!

-After them!
-[crowd roaring]

Gee, you think
we should help them?

Sure, as soon
as my hair grows back.

[yelling]

Say it! Say it!

-What did I Miss?
-The kid with the desperate expression

just dropped
the "g" word on Spinelli.

He called her a girl?
Poor guy.

Say it while you still got teeth!

But you are a girl.

That does it!
Huh?

That's the seventh time I've caught you
scrapping this month, Spinelli.

Know what that means?

The other kids
just aren't getting it?

It means I'm calling your parents!

-[gasp]
-Big whoop.

[man] For the love of Mike,
Igor's got a foreign object!

That's no foreign object.
That's a wrench.

[Flo] Oh, Ashley,
can you come here for a minute?

Yeah, yeah, I'm coming.

I don't know, Dad,
but I'm beginning to think

that wrestling might be fixed.

Perish the thought, sweetie.

Uh... But right now we need to talk

about the wrestling
that you've been doing at school

And what we're going to do about it.

I've enrolled you in dance class.

Dance class?
But that's for girls.

You are a girl, honey.

Besides, it's not a punishment.

It's to help you manage
your extra energy. Look.

-See? It helped me.
-Dad!

Nope, I'm standing behind your mother
on this one, Pookie.

And what if I refuse?

Then, fixed or not,
there will be a moratorium

on wrestling shows in this house.

But, honey, "Grapple Mania"
is right around the corner!

-Bob!
-A moratorium?

Hey, I can live without the wrestling
for a while.

Till you're 21?

[ballet music playing]

[Russian accent] Is like this.
Otherwise, hernia.

New girl is where?

Come now out,
little Ashley, please.

[Spinelli] The name's Spinelli
and I'm not coming anywhere

in these loser 'tards.

If I have now to come
and use Russian army carry,

-I will.
-[Spinelli] You wouldn't.

With the mark
and the set and the--

[Spinelli] OK, OK, I'm coming.

-[giggling]
-Nice boots.

The better to kick you with, bun-head!

Her name's not bun-head.
It's Megan,

-just like mine.
-And mine.

You know, you bun-heads
sort of remind me of someone.

Hear that?
We remind her of someone.

-Oh!
-[all] Ludicrous.

-That tears it!
-[woman] Ah!

The small with the two-fists type.

Yes, are you just what I'm looking for.

-For what?
-We see. Follow.

The rest of you, work.

Spinelli, you remind me of little dancer
known by me in old country.

Yeah?
What's she doing now?

Ah! This I tell in time,

but now I'm thinking finally,
might be partner for Mikhail.

Mikhail. Who's Mikhail?

I show. Mikhail!

-Yes, Mademoiselle-- Spinelli?
-Mikey?

Ah, you are familiar.
Is good.

Mikhail,
show her the stretches.

Mikey, what are you doing here?
You hardly ever get in trouble.

Oh, no, Spinelli,
I'm not here 'cause I got in trouble.

I'm here 'cause I want to be.

You see, dance is both
my blessing and my curse.

Huh?
What are you talking about?

It all started years ago.

You might not believe this, Spinelli,
but when I was a baby,

I was sort of big for my age.

-Honey, I'm home! Uh-oh.
-[stomping]

-Daddy!
-No, Mikey, no!

[Mikey] Somehow my parents
got the idea

I might not be graceful enough,

so they enrolled me
in dance class.

At first, it was great.

The trouble started
when Mademoiselle set me up

With a partner.

-[stomp]
-Ah!

You see, I had big feet.

Then Mademoiselle had the idea
of making me official spinner.

[crash]

That didn't work out too well, either.

Then Mademoiselle wanted
to make me a featured soloist.

Apparently,
performing wasn't for me.

So that's where I am today.

Mademoiselle says
I'm a great stage manager,

but just once,
I'd like to get out there.

I'd show them
you don't have to be skinny

to soar like an eagle.

I got an idea, Mikey.
I'll be your partner.

-Really?
-Sure.

You can't hurt my feet
while I'm wearing my boots,

spinning fast
is one of my favorite pastimes,

and there's no way
you can knock me down

if I jump up
while you're landing.

-So, what do you say?
-Spinelli, you're the greatest!

OK, now let go.

-Ah!
-You OK, Spinelli?

That was great!
Do it again!

-[groaning]
-[laughing]

[laughing]

[groan]

[russian tune]

All of you
have worked very hard,

Especially Mikhail and Spinelli,

And so I have wonderful surprise.

Next friday,
have arranged a performance

for very special audience.

These costumes
are for dancing in, not for playing in.

At last, my debut. This is so exciting.

Who do you think we're dancing for?

Probably a bunch of rich stiffs.

You see? Hard work has paid off.
I am proud like I was for--

-That little girl in old country?
-Exactly.

And so that's what is meant
by the birds and the bees,

and thank you for your
thought-provoking question, Gordie.

-[bell rings]
-OK, have a nice weekend.

Oh, oh, I almost forgot.

Next friday, we're all invited
to a very special dance recital.

[stammering] Dance recital?

It's going to be performed
by the students

of Mademoiselle Povlova's
Salon for Independent Movement.

Won't that be exciting?

[high voice] Look at me.
I'm Mademoiselle Povlova!

[iigh voice] No, no, no.
I'm Mademoiselle Povlova.

[laughing]

When will that woman learn that
all representational dance is dead?

Yeah. [snorts]
Dance is for nerds.

Oh, yeah? Well, for your information,
I take dance.

-[gasp]
-What are you talking about, Mikey?

You heard me. Dance is great.
It's like poetry for the body.

In fact, I'm in
Madame Povlova's dance class.

And you know what else? I'm going to be
in that dance recital next friday.

-You?
-Dancing?

In a recital?

[laughing]

Don't you have something to say
about this, Spinelli?

[laughing]

Hey, Mikey, come back.
We were just kidding.

I can't do it, Mikey.
I just can't do it.

Yeah, I kind of figured.

It's just-- I spent too much time
on my tough rep

to blow it all in one afternoon.

I mean, if I dance, I'd have to leave
a trail of 5th-grade teeth

from the jungle gym to the backstop

just to make them quit laughing.

Sorry, Mikey.

[sighs]
Yeah, well, it's OK.

I'm sort of used to stage managing.

I've gotten pretty good at opening
and closing the curtains.

[Spinelli] Hey, Mikey?

Anyway,
thanks for everything, Mademoiselle,

but I got a rep to protect, so here.

I see.
Well, you are free to do as you wish.

In a way, I am sad
I no longer live in a country

where the talented
can be taken from friends and family

and forced to do
what they are good at.

Yeah, well, sorry. I better go.

Now remember, no laughing.

Yeah, Mikey's our pal.
We got to stand by him.

Even if he is practicing
an art form of no meaning

to the contemporary audience,
right, Spinelli?

Yeah, right.

Thank you
for your reception of warmth.

There is change in program.

"Wings of Trouble" pas de deux
has been canceled.

Please enjoy now rest of show.

Isn't "Wings of Trouble"
Mikey's dance?

Maybe they canceled it
'cause Mikey can't do it right.

Poor guy. He'll be crushed.

[ballet music playing]

Oh, man. Mikey's lucky
they canceled his act.

He'd have looked like an idiot.

Oh, brother.

-Hey, where's Spinelli going?
-Guess she couldn't take it.

Break a leg out there... for me.

[Spinelli] Yo, Mikey!

Let's get this show
on the road, shall we?

Well, at least Spinelli
made a clean getaway.

Yeah, she's probably home
watching "Grapple Mania " by now.

[applause]

In very exciting turning events,

"Wings of Trouble"
is back on program

and will be performed for you now

by Mikhail
and beautiful Spinelli.

-[gasp]
-Did she just say Spinelli?

[ballet music playing]

[techno music playing]

Whoa.

[cheering]

[whistles]

-Give me your autograph, Spinelli.
-No, me!

I want Mikey's.

Mikey, Spinelli.

You guys rocked
the western world today.

I hope that sounded as cool to you
as it did in my head.

It sounded just great, Gus.

Oh, Pookie,
you were wonderful!

You danced like a butterfly
and stung like a bee.

Mom, dad,
what are you guys doing here?

Your instructor called us
and told us to come.

But I don't get it.

Mademoiselle, how did you know
I was going to dance?

Remember little girl
back in old country?

-Yeah.
-Little girl was me.

I, too, had to learn that...
How you call it? Rep?

...wasn't as important
as friends I loved.

Uh, well, I better go get Mikey
and, uh, warm down.

Come on, big guy.

Hmm. Perhaps there's hope
for new country, after all.

[bell rings]