01x10 - Vornicarn

[bunniefuu]

♪ MVA ♪
♪ MVA ♪

♪ Monsters vs. Aliens ♪

♪ It's us vs. them ♪

♪ Foe vs. friend ♪

♪ Brain vs. B.O.B. ♪

♪ It's a super-freaky job ♪

Oh, yeah, it's freaky.

♪ MVA ♪

♪ Monsters vs. Aliens ♪

♪ Monsters vs. Aliens ♪
[cackles]

♪ Monsters vs. Aliens ♪

♪ MVA ♪

x - Vornicarn

[Dramatic music]

[Gasps]

[Grunting]

Cannonball!

[Groans]

Ugh!

Ice, my old enemy.

Shall I help liberate
your frozen posterior?

Yeah, that'd be
awesome if you could...

Aah!

No more helping.

[Device beeps]
Field unit to mission control.

We are en route to the
site and awaiting orders.

That's a roger copy that
alpha tango zulu bravo bravo

bogey incoming over and out
smokey niner on your tail

good buddy microphone
microphone, check one check.

Is there any chance we
could talk to somebody else?

Sorry, B.O.B. is
kind of super excited

- about this mission control thing.
- I'm in charge!

Note the majestic sombrero I'm
wearing. It stands for leadership.

Yes, it's very becoming.

Now, do we get to know
what this secret mission is,

or are we simply hanging off the edge
of an ice shelf for the giggles?

Antarctica looks chilly. Brrr.

I'm having cocoa.

[Slurps]

Mmm, comfy.

[Chuckles]

Attention!

The following information is top secret.

Anyone without blue-level
security clearance,

initiate block-out protocols now.

[Sighs]

Bla la la la la la la la la.

At hours this morning,

a Manhattan-sized iceberg
split off the Antarctic coast,

- leaving a sheer cliff wall behind.
- That's just awful.

Dr. Cockroach, find that iceberg
and bring it to justice.

- No sheer cliff wall left behind!
- Forget the iceberg, B.O.B.

the problem is what's
stuck in the ice wall.

One unidentified purple pod.
Geoscan can only tell me two things...

it's been buried in that
ice for over , years,

and it ain't from mama Earth.

Wait, you made us fly all
the way down to butt-frozen

nowhere just to check
out some old space nugget?

No, I sent Dr. Cockroach
and Sqweep for that.

I sent you as payback for
what you did to my toothbrush!

Uh... I have no idea what you're...

♪ For a healthy, happy Link, ♪

♪ brush your scales
each time they stink ♪

[Continues brushing]

Both: Ugh.

[Sniffs]
Ugh.

Okay, that's tough but fair.

On our way, General.
[Beep]

[Device trilling]

Hmm.
Definitely alien in origin.

Awesome. So what's
the best way to smash it?

Rocks, right? They got
any big rocks around here?

What? This is a major discovery
of an ancient artifact.

Ancient alien artifact.

Lesson one: "Alien"
always equals "trouble."

No offense, kid.
I don't pick the targets.

- I just drop the truth bombs.
- As a man of science,

I feel compelled to give this
anomaly a full investigation.

However, as a proven
alien menace does exist,

should we really be touching that?

[Grunts]

It's cool, Doc. I got this.

Huh?

[Dramatic music]

Well, that's all kinds of weird.

Aah! My nose!
It got my nose!

Aah!

- Intriguing.
- Science settled.

Smash it! Smash it good!

[Grunts]
Ow!

Aah!

Ugh!

Release that nostril, ancient
nosehugging space menace!

Ugh.

Aah! Ugh!

[Grunts]

Ow! Ow!

Aah!
[Slow-motion scream]

Aah!

[Beeps]

Aah!

Yo, mission control,
any ideas on how to...

Aah! That's incredibly painful!

- We're working on it!
- I don't know.

Bla la la la la la la la la la.

[Groans]
Okay, really helpful, guys.

Push that button. Faster!
More urgency!

Now say, "and may the world forgive
us for what we've done this day."

- Uh, I don't see how that...
- Leadership sombrero. [beeping]

[Grunting]

Engage, scientific method.

Hypothesis: Electric
shock will force release.

[Electricity zapping]
[Screaming]

What did I say about helping?

Whoa! Ugh!

[Screams]

You mustn't let it
reach the transport jet!

- It's our only way home!
- No... ugh! You don't!

[Grunts]

[Grunts]
Yeah!

Eat fist, you snot-sucking...
It's gonna explode, isn't it?

- Uh, probably.
- Take cover!

[Grunts]

- Link, are you all right, man?
- [Groans] Is it gone?

[Sniffs]

It appears the expl*si*n vaporized
whatever was in the pod.

Another alien thr*at
successfully smashed.

You're welcome, Earth.

Nice work, guys.

Aloha. Aloha. Aloha.

Careful, buddy.
I think I caught a little head cold.

Oh, then let me heal you
with the best medicine...

Laughter.

- Aah!
- Clear!

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Electricity buzzes]

Whoa.
[Gasps]

[Electricity buzzes]

Whatever comes out of that,
totally your turn to fight it.

Removing leadership sombrero.

Putting on combat sombrero.

[Electricity buzzes]

Va to the voom.

[Shouts]

Huh?

Welcome, my lady, to Earth.
We totally heart aliens.

But previously you claimed that
all aliens equal trouble, so... Aah!

Huh?

Ow!

Ooh!

[Sniffs]

Where? Where is it?

[Crash]
Where is it hiding?

[Crash]

- Where is the...
- Time out!

Who dare touches
the Spear of Sta'abi?

Stabby? That's you?

- Sta...abi.
- Staaabi?

♪ Sta'abi!
Ah, ah, oh. ♪

Okay. Good.
And I'm Susan.

See how we're being less rude now?

So maybe let's start with
what you're doing on our base.

I hunt the bloodthirsty
beast called...

The Vornicarn.

The Vorni...
What are we talking about?

- [Scoffs] You are useless.
- Less rude. Less.

Intercepted transmissions tell me

you have found a frozen Vornicarn egg.

Are you referring to a
purplish pod, about yea big?

[Groans] You, bug-man!
Where is the Vornicarn?

It is my destiny to...
[Grunts]

Good news, goldilocks.
I already popped that sucker.

So you can just relax,
perhaps with a warm,

choco-beverage and a kissing Link.

Friendship sombrero!

You popped the Vornicarn?

But you have the soft
belly of a farm animal.

[Laughs]
Farm animal. Moo.

Uh, Link? Inviting an alien
with poor social skills

and a glowy spear inside
our top secret base?

It's called building bridges, Suze.
It's what we do.

His policy on aliens seems
very inconsistent. Whoa!

Okay, so it's
chocolate, but it's hot.

And you drink it.
It's like, "what?"

Totally gonna love it.

Aah!

It's in the building! Save
yourselves after you've saved me!

[Whimpers]

Whoa, Coverton, chillax.
This is...

I know her kind!

They are savage, pitiless
warriors, not to be trusted.

See, she hunts even now!
[Sniffs]

It is impossible!

This backwards planet is no
challenge for the fierce Vornicarn.

That's how we do, boo.
rounds with a nosehugger,

and I walk away with
nothing but a head cold.

Excuse me.

Ah!

Okay, who didn't see that
one coming? Let him go.

Aah!

Aah!
[Gulps]

[Grunts]

[Grunting]

Oh!

[Growls]

Savage, you see.
Look at her, effortlessly fighting

all four monsters... at once.

I call that one for my team.

Aah!

Are we gonna kiss now?

[Screaming w*r cry]

- What are you...
- Did she just grind pepper in his face?

Ah, who can explain
the mysteries of love?

[Breathes deeply]

Ow!

[Grunts] Ow!

Ugh!

[Sneezes]

[Growls]

[All scream]

Hmm, the Vornicarn.

[Blows raspberry]

[Squeals]

[Groans]

[Blows raspberry, squeals]

[Groans]

[Program trills]

All right, scary lady. Spill it.

What exactly are we facing?

The Vornicarn is a creature
of unbridled destruction.

Tireless, fast, strong,

No instinct other than
"destroy, eat, repeat."

I'm sorry. Could you
repeat that last word?

- Repeat?
- Yes.

- Repeat.
- Please.

- Repeat!
- Just the last word.

- Hamburger.
- I have no further questions.

I must hunt the Vornicarn.

Otherwise, it will be
very bad for your planet.

Don't be scared. This is Earth.
Link's got this.

Whoa!
[Groans]

I appreciate the warning, "Sta'abi."

But that tiny ball of fury
just landed itself smack-dab

in the heart of America's
finest alien defense citadel.

We'll have it contained by...

It's unstoppable and terrifying!
[Screams]

Round one to the Vornicarn, but...

[Crash]

Words cannot adequately
express the horror

I am feeling right now!

Cutting the power? Clever.

Fortunately, our boys are trained for...

My training didn't cover this!

[Screaming, crash]

I just peed.

[Sighs] Why?

Human evacuation complete.

Monsters, aliens, you're on your own.

That creature escapes
to the outside world...

- It won't, General. Seal us in.
- I know you'll make me proud.

But if you can't stop it,

well, that's what "emergency
base destruct" is for, right?

- Wait, what?
- Good huntin'!

Bye!

Love you!

Okay, lot of base to cover,

so we're gonna split into
two-person search teams.

Good. I do not trust so
many tiny muscles in a hunt.

- I take the fish-man as partner.
- Oh, yeah!

I'll hit the upper levels with Dr. C.

And I feel my intellect would
be most helpful if paired with...

[Groans]
Best friend hug.

Oh, look. Odd man out.

- I guess I'm with Sta'abi too. Yay.
- Just like an alien.

- Hmm.
- What?

[Clears throat]
Hmm? Hmm.

Whatcha doing?

Tracking?
Looks like you're tracking.

See how I'm sharing your interests?

I'm all about togetherness
and tracking and...

[Grunts]
[Groans]

Hunting skills, casual disregard
for the safety of others.

I must say, you're acing
the personality profile, Sta'abi.

Hey, third wheel.
Kind of trying to have some quality time

- with the lady here, you mind?
- Just getting to know my fellow alien.

[Chuckles]

Could you state your feelings on humans,

on a scale from disposable to delicious?

- Say what now?
- Oh, hush. Like you're human.

[Beeping]

[Rapid beeping]

Yah! Gotcha!

- Well, good for you, missy.
- Henry the janitor?

Aren't you supposed to be evacuated?

Bunch of frilly-drawered malarkey.

The only thing that needs
evacuating around here

is this clogged toilet.

Dang thing won't e...
Aah!

[Vornicarn snarling]

Aww, Henry's getting a swirly.

It has to be your call, Mr. President.

You're the only one who can authorize
an emergency base destruct.

- The monsters are still inside?
- Affirmative.

But this "Vornicarn" could get out
and terrorize the entire planet?

That is the moral quandary.

I'll understand if you
need some time to...

Do I get to press a big
red demolition plunger?

I suppose we could rig up a plunger
if you want to come down here and...

[Groans]
Down there?

Why can't I get one up here?

Uh, I don't really...

Margaret! Have somebody
wire me up a big red plunger.

I'll be in the Lincoln bedroom
watching videos of skateboarders

getting hit in the hoo-hoos.

[Sighs]
Four more years.

I have deduced that this is the
vornicarn's likely nesting spot.

- How you figure?
- The creature only recently hatched.

Therefore, one must think like a baby.

[Chewing]

[Gulps]
Got it.

Where do you want me to
cry and make a boomer?

I simply mean we
should look for the most

warm, soothing environment on this base.

Logically, the kitchen.
[Clattering]

We have located the baby.

[Growls]

That ain't no baby.
Friendship sombrero?

[Chomps, gulps]

[Vornicarn roars]

[Phone rings]

Yello?

Aah!
It's gigantic!

- Not a baby, not a baby!
- Hey, guys. It's B.O.B.

[Screams]
Oh!

The growth spurt.
Now the hunt truly begins.

Wait, you knew this was coming?
Why didn't you tell anyone?

Let us you and me get alone time now.

- I am totally on board with that.
- What? [Screams]

What do you have in mind, baby?

[Groans]

Aah!

Oh, good, Sta'abi.

I think we were probably
smooching or something,

and somebody hit me in the
back of the... Wait a minute.

After the growth spurt,
the Vornicarn will be starving.

You're using me as bait?

Ha! He already has a taste
for your nose insides.

[Growls in distance]

This is officially the fifth
worst date I have ever been on.

[Screams]

Hmm?
Oh, my.

Backstabbing and sacrificing
one of the monsters?

Oh, dear Sta'abi,
you just nailed the job application.

[Chuckles]

I can't believe I trusted you

and sort of wanted to
write a rap song about you.

Ha, I knew this was a stupid planet.

[Growls]
Yeah, well, lesson relearned.

Alien always equals trouble.

- I'm afraid I do not concur.
- What?

Sqweep!
[Vornicarn snarling]

Aah!

- No!
- Aah!

Aah!

[Grunts]
Hey, buddy.

B.O.B., cut me loose, so
I can hug you, you big mug.

- B.O.B., Link, what's going...
- Whoa!

[Vornicarn snarling]

Come no closer, beast.
For you shall face... [Screams]

Tongue tag, you're it.
Whoa!

[All grunting]

Whoa!

[All grunting]

Let them go!

[All grunting]

No! The Vornicarn is mine!

Aah!

[Roars]

She's going one-on-one
with that thing?

She will be annihilated.

[Vornicarn growling]

Bad Vornicarn! Heel.

I said, "heel."

[Roars]

Speak.
[Roars]

- Good Vornicarn.
- Is she training that thing?

And go only on the papers, Vornicarn.

- I'm gonna go with yes.
- Wait, we can go on papers?

Hello, porta-potty.

Sit, Vornicarn.
Sit. [Vornicarn growls]

This... is... not... sitting!

This is the greatest
moment of my presidency.

Margaret, play something inspirational.

[Hip-Hop music]
Aww, yeah.

Mr. President, we should
probably check to see if the

monsters had any luck before
exploding our own base.

Too excited. Somebody
give me a countdown!

Start with ten...
No, six. I can't wait!

Six, five, four, three, two...

[expl*si*n]

[Snarling]

What in the...

Consider yourself domesticated.

[Vornicarn purrs]

General Monger, wait.
That's the Vornicarn.

- It's like some kind of alien pet to her.
- It's all in my report, sir.

I still get to blow up
the base though, right?

Ow! Darn it, Margaret,
that really stings.

I want a debriefing,
and I want it brief, golden girly.

The Vornicarn is
galaxy's best hunting beast.

When I learned that one
hatched on your planet,

of course I came at light speed.

And you could not, perhaps, have
told us this from the beginning.

But then you would not have
been so whiny cry baby scared.

The Vornicarn likes fear.
You cannot fake that.

Yeah, you wouldn't wanna, you
know, be fake about anything.

Wow, that came out bitter.
On purpose.

All right, then.
Unauthorized training activity over.

Time to hitch a light beam
back to "off my planet," pronto.

It will be my
pleasure to leave this...

Impossible!

It's a message from
Sta'abi's home world.

She has been ordered to stay on Earth

by special request of
the galactic council.

How wonderful and unexpected.

[Chuckles]
[beeps]

To place another call
to the galactic council...

[Grunting]
Be quiet.

It will take much training to keep
from turning soft on this planet

of stuck-out bellies and
thumb-sucking Presidents.

Welcome aboard.

Do you have any warriors
to spare for carnage practice?

Where's that kid with the red tag?

- Are you quite all right, old friend?
- Mixed feelings.

Sure, she's devious and conniving,
and her dog tried to eat me.

But I've learned today that
aliens can have good qualities too.

Mm-hmm.

Like the way her eyes light up
when she goes berserko.

Ooh, la, la.
[Sighs]

Victory sombrero.