05x28 - Appetite for Destruction/Frame on You

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ That's how we show
our love ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪

- ♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud, Loud, Loud ♪

♪ Loud house ♪

- Poo-poo.

[all sigh contentedly]

- [slurps]
Ugh, no more pasta.

I can't eat another bite.

- Me neither. Wait.

[burps]
Made room for one more bite.

[munches loudly]
- I could nap for all eternity.

- Okay! Who wants
more parmesan?

all: I do!
Why not?

- Why you pushin' the parm
on us, Pops?

- My chef pen pal, Furio,
sent it to me from Italy!

[munches loudly]
Oh, this stuff is incredible.

But he sent me
way too much of it!

And he also sent me this!

[all gasp]

It's a priceless work
of art, huh?

No one eat it.

- [munches loudly]

[spits,
then chuckles nervously]

- Oh! It just.
Keeps. Coming.

Lynn's Table is havin'
a Cheese Week, everyone!

Parmesan for all!

- This is oatmeal, ding dong.

[crash]

[all gasp]

- Haha, yay!

- Lily! No climbing
on the parmesan!

- [growling]

- [yelps]
[all gasp]

Lily! That is
very disrespectful!

- We taught you not to be rude!

Okay, which one of you
taught her to be rude?

all: I don't know.
It wasn't me.

- [belching]
♪ A-B ♪

♪ C-D-E ♪

♪ F ♪

♪ G ♪

- Okay, okay.
That one was me.

And you nailed it!

[clattering]

- Who's in here?

- [yawns] It's the middle
of the ding dang night!

- [grunts]

[growls]

[both gasp]
- Lily!

How did you get out
of your crib?!

- Snaaaack!

- No, no, it's not
snack time, sweetie.

It's time to--
- Snnnack! Nowwww!!

- What is going on with her?!

She's supposed to be
the sweet one!

- We heard that!
- Not cool, Mom.

- Aw, come on!
- Sorry, kids.

[chuckles nervously]
Love you.

- No, no, no, no, no!

Wait--

Snack! Now!

- No, Lily.
You clearly need sleep.

And you have school
in the morning!

- Wait a minute. School!

Maybe that's where she's
picking up this bad behavior!

- [gasps]
That makes total sense!

Maybe she's got a new friend
who acts like this.

- [munches loudly]
[both gasp]

[evil laughter]

- [sighs contentedly]
Finally some peace and quiet.

[expl*si*n]
[yelp]

- Hmm. Fascinating.

[both grunt]
- [growls]

- Okay, first thing
tomorrow morning,

we march right in there

and find out who's ruining
our precious Lily.

- Snack, snack, snack.
Snack, snack.

- That won't work--whoa!

If she sees us there,
she'll know something's up.

We'll need to get creative!

[Geo squeaks]
[grunts]

- Whoa! Nice save, hon!

- You ready for a fun day
at preschool?

- So ready!
[squeals]

Did I tell you
they have a trampoline?

- Yes, sweetie.
times.

But remember,
the reason you're going

is to keep an eye on Lily.

You need to find out who's
encouraging her to misbehave.

- I'm on it, Mom!

- Don't forget
your lunch, Leni!

[grunts]
- [yelps]

[whimpers]

LJ! I got more parm for ya!

- Great job, class!

I'm so proud
of all your arts and crafts!

- Dr. S, look!

I made a painting based on this
scary dream I had last night.

There were some super
cute espadrilles on sale,

and they didn't have my size!

But I bought them anyway--
[splat]

- Lily! Audrey!
What did you do?!

[laughter]

[gasps]

- Looks like we know
who the bad kid is.

"Audrey...bad."
Case closed.

Leni, I think you've
earned yourself a break.

[giggles]

- Lily! Jackson!
Put down those juice boxes!

[evil laughter]
[children wailing]

- Jackson's bad too?

Ugh, one bedroom is not enough
space for all these dollies!

- Lily! Ellis!
This is not how we use tape!

[evil laughter]

- Ellis is bad too?!
I can't believe it!

[toys squeak]

- [grunting]

- This is worse
than we thought!

- Audrey, Jackson,
Ellis, Flynn, Max,

Tilly--cute name--
Joey, Monti, Solley.

- Every kid in that class
is a bad influence!

- Lily, stop throwing pans!

- [growls]
- Let's get outta here!

We're gonna have
to start wearing helmets!

[gasps] What if she's
stuck like this forever?

- [grunts]

[guzzles]

- Please, Lily!
I'm sick of this helmet!

I haven't seen my hair
in years!

My hair! My hair!
My hair! My hair!

- Honey, you're spiraling.
We still have time to save her.

Lily just needs to spend time
with other kids. Nicer kids!

- You mean like our kids?
- Of course not!

- We can hear you, Mother!
- Seriously, dude?!

- I mean toddlers, Lynn.

Royal Woods has
plenty of great kids.

I'm sure it'll be a breeze
to find a good friend for Lily.

[evil laughter]
- [screams shrilly]

Parmesan Lynn! Nooo!

- [gasps]

- Rita, I've got eyes
on a mother and child

in the cereal aisle.

The kid's dressed impeccably
with no signs of drool.

Rita?
Rita, what's your location?

- - .
I'm by the melons!

- [grunts]

[sobbing, then chomps]
- [yelps]

- Nope, Lily is not hanging out
with a biter.

[tires squeak]

- Huh. This one's mushy!
Discount for Scootsy!

[grunts, then gasps]
This melon has a face!

[screams]
- [yelps, then grunts]

We should go.

You would tell me
if I was mushy, right, Lynn?

- Mm-hmm.

- Okay, this one has potential.

Look how mellow she is.
I think she's meditating.

[toots]

- Ah.

- Ooh, that is
not meditation.

But, hey,
she's still in diapers.

I mean, that's just a normal--

Oh, my gosh, she's throwing it!
- Let's get out of here!

Boy, that kid had an arm.

- Oh, how lovely.

Thank you, Mother and Father,

for this delicious
fast food meal.

- Ooh, well,
what do we have here?

Calm. Behaved.
No diaper bombs.

both: He's perfect!
- Let's go talk to his parents.

I'll grab some parm
from Vanzilla.

It'll be an icebreaker!

- [growls]

- Hi, Lily.

We have a special playdate
for you.

- Hello, Miss Lily.
My name is Aidan.

- [sniffs, then licks]
- [gasps]

- And I made your favorite--
parmesan sandwiches!

That'll be all, Cliff.
[Cliff meows]

He's been helping
in the kitchen.

- Aidan is a very good boy,
so, you know,

just do whatever he does.

- Milady, do you want
to play alphabet blocks?

- [sighs contentedly]
Hear that?

- All I hear is
quiet, peaceful play.

Ha! It's so wonderful!

Ah, there.
That oughta stick.

- I guess all Lily needed
was another great kid

to bring out
her great kid-ness.

- And we are great parents
for figuring this out!

Ah, Lily's gonna be just fine.

Kids! Lily's home!

And she won the Nobel Prize
for good behavior!

Five years in a row!

[gasps]

And you bought me new pans
with your prize money?!

Oh, you're
the best daughter ever!

To us!
And my new cast iron pans!

[crash]

[yelps]

[both gasp]

- Lily! What happened?!

- Feeling dizzy.
So...cold.

- Miss Lily is a very bad girl.

- I having funnnnn!!!!

[growls]
- [moans in pain]

[both chuckle nervously]
- We're so sorry!

- Enjoy the apology parm!

Annnnd they're rolling it back.

And it's picking up speed!

[crash]
[both yelp]

- It's not the other kids.
We have the bad kid!

- Ugh, I can't believe Lily was
the problem this whole time!

- [growls]
[clattering]

- Rita, I'm so scared.

[loud metal music]

No! No, no, no, no, no!
- Stop! Stop! Stop!

- [evil laughter]

- We should've
seen this coming.

- Miiiiiine!

[both grunt]

- Lily! There's plenty
of cheese for all of us!

Be a gouda girl!
You're acting like a muenster!

[both grunt]

- What has gotten
into you, Lily?!

- [groans]

- Lynn! I know why
she's acting like this!

It's the cheese!

Too much cheese can really,
you know,

back up the plumbing.

- Ah! Of course!

And when that happens,
you get, you know, cranky.

- [growling]
[both yelp]

- I know what we have to do.

[timer ticks, then dings]

These triple-bran, fiber blast
muffins ought to do the trick.

- [sniffs] Ugh!

- I added chocolate chips.
I'm not a monster.

- [munches loudly]

[groans]
[stomach gurgles]

[toilet flushes]

- Feeling better, sweetie?
- Much better!

[kisses]
[both sigh in relief]

- I'm so glad
we have our Lily back.

- And I'm glad I convinced Flip

to take all that
ding dang cheese.

I sure hope parmesan Flippees
are a hit.

[slurps]
Ugh! They won't be.

- Look! I made a horsey!

- Ugh, thanks a lot, Lily.

I was gonna paint a horsey,
but you totally stole my idea!

[stomach gurgles]
[groans]

- Oh, no. I think
someone else might be...

backed up.

- I'll start
baking more muffins!

- And congrats
to our own Liam Hunnicutt,

whose cow, Daisy,
gave birth to a baby boy.

The proud mom had this
to say: "Moo!"

And now to Clyde McBride
with Clyde's Culture Corner.

- Thanks, Lincoln!

Girl Jordan is about
to break the school record

for the most books
checked out: a whopping .

And I'm being told
none of them have pictures!

- Whoa, whoa!
[both yelp]

- Uh, I'm getting
a breaking bulletin!

A suspect is in the principal's
office, in connection

with the stink b*mb thrown
at last night's dance.

We now go to Stella Zhau.

- That's right, Lincoln.

The student is inside
at this very moment.

Viewers, I'm going to try

and get a statement
from the suspect.

- Oh!

- [whimpers]
[both gasp]

[grunts]

[gasp]

[both gasp]
- Rusty?!

- [whimpers, then grunts]

I'm innocent, I swear!

- Did Principal Ramirez say
why she thinks it was you?

- She wouldn't tell me who,
but there were witnesses

who claimed to see me
throw the stink b*mb.

And now, I'm suspended
for a whole week.

- [wails] I hate havin' to
escort one of my baby birds

off property!

- Thanks for ruining our dance!

- Nice job, clown!
- Dance ruiner!

- This is a travesty
of justice!

We have to clear Rusty's name!

- This calls for an Action News
Team special investigation!

[dramatic music]

Okay, we start by interrogating
these so-called "witnesses."

- But how do we
find out their names?

- I can help you get them.

- Sorry, Miss.
Private news meeting.

- You guys don't recognize me?

These sweet moves
ring any bells?

[grunts]
Oh, yeah--ooh!

[grunts]
all: Rusty?!

- You ain't supposed
to be on campus!

- I had to come back
to clear my name!

Up till now, everybody
at school loved the Rustman!

Mainly 'cause
of my sick dancin'.

- Ooh, ah--
- Wait.

You said you could help us
get the names of the witnesses?

- Yep. I set up a meeting today

with an informant out
by the dumpsters.

- Hey! What are you doing here?

- As a substitute teacher,
you should be in class!

I'll show you where it is.
By the way, I love the heels.

- Go, meet the informant!

She goes by the name
"Midnight Goose."

- Psst. Honk, honk, y'all!

- Hi, Meryl.
- Shh! It's Midnight Goose.

- We've got the names.
Let's roll!

[whistle toots]

- Coach Keck!

- You were a chaperone
at the dance last night

and claimed to see Rusty
throw the stink b*mb!

- But, uh, weren't you
across the gym?

And, uh, ain't you
severely near-sighted?!

- You betcha!

But I saw the whole thing
with these new specs.

Right down
to Rusty's pearl cufflinks.

Yep, never miss a thing now.

Like the ball headed at Zach.

[toilet flushes]

- Paige! You claim
Rusty threw the stink b*mb,

but are you sure?!

- Uh, well, I was recording
Christina and me

working on our
"Ooh Girl" harmonies

and I got this
in the background.

[off-key]
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, girl ♪

- Yo, everybody!

I'm the one who just threw
that epic stink b*mb!

- Pfft, that could be anybody.

- This is
Rusty Spokes, daaaawgs!

- [chuckles nervously]

- Admit it, Chandler!
You're lying about Rusty.

- Yeah! Let's see some proof!

[excited chatter]

[splat]
- Yeah!

- Oh, it's not lookin' good
for Rusty.

But I just know, deep down
in my gizzard, he's not guilty!

- Hey, g*ng.
Sorry I'm late.

I had all these papers
to grade.

- Um, you know you're not
actually a teacher, right?

- This little guy
begs to differ.

Faculty lounge key!

Been loadin' up on
free sugar packs all dizz-ay!

- Bad news, Rusty.

All the witnesses
were actually credible.

- Plus, Chandler has a video
of what looks like you

throwing the stink b*mb
last night at : .

- Guys, that proves
I didn't do it!

I wasn't in the gym
at the time!

I ran to Flip's
to get more cologne.

- Flip!
He can confirm Rusty's alibi!

[whistle toots]

- I'm waiting!
- Again. Not a teacher.

- [growls]

[front door bell chimes]

- Flip's got "no comment"

about the skunk meat
allegations!

- No, we're here to--
skunk meat in what?

- Taquitos.
That'll be bucks.

Flip's chargin' to answer
questions from reporters now.

Nothing's free, chiefs.

- [growls]

- Fine. We've got enough money
for one more question.

Flip, was Rusty--

- [munches loudly]
How much are these skunkitos?

- bucks,
plus for the question!

- Oops.

- Aw, man. I'll never be able
to clear my name!

- The Action News Team
never quits!

We just need a solid clue.

Maybe we should go back
to the scene of the crime.

- I arranged to get us in.

Honk. Honk.

- Honk, honk, y'all.

- Guys, somebody hid this
under the bleachers.

[gasps]
Stink bombs!

And these mints.

- Hey, those are from
my dad's suit shop!

He hand-makes them. They taste
like real, artificial mint.

- So whoever threw
the stink b*mb at the dance

went to Duds for Dudes...

- To rent a white suit,
like the one Rusty wore,

so they could--
all: Frame him.

- That means if we check
the rental records,

we'll have our culprit!

- My dad keeps
his records here.

- The truth must be
in here somewhere.

We just have to find it!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- I found
the suit rental sheet!

- Huh, three guys from school

rented white suits
for the dance:

Chad, Dirk, and Jordan!

- Oh, I couldn't have
thrown the stink b*mb.

I have a super-sensitive nose.

Stinky stuff makes me puke.

- Sounds suspicious to me.

- Hmm. I have an idea.

- Boy! My piggies sure do itch!

I tell ya,
plowin' the onion field

with my feetsies
got 'em all ripe!

- Oh, gracious me!

What will I do with all this
tuna fish I left in the sun?

- [retches]

- Huh, I guess
Chad wasn't lying

about his sensitive nose.

One suspect down.
Two to go!

- I was in the gym bathroom
when the stink b*mb went off.

Mr. Bolhofner was showing us
how to wrestle a bobcat.

It shredded my suit!

- Pfft, anything
could've done that.

- Attention, students: don't
forget today's pep rally!

Oh, and there's a bobcat
on the loose.

Don't just stand there,
Bolhofner.

Go get it!
[bobcat growls]

- Guys, you know
what this means?

- Yeah. He's definitely
not getting his deposit back.

- No, it means
two suspects are cleared.

We know who the culprit is!

- [yelps]

- Confess, Boy Jordan,
ya snake!

You rented a white suit
so you could throw

the stink b*mb at the dance
and pin it all on Rusty!

- Um, what are you
talking about?

I didn't rent a suit
for the dance.

Andrew and I went
in cat onesies.

all: Aww!

- Rusty's dad must have
written it down wrong.

Maybe it was another "J" name.

James? Jason? Jackson?

- Or maybe it wasn't even
a "J" name,

which means
it could be anybody!

- I hate to say it,
but we failed.

I'm really sorry we couldn't
clear your name, Rusty.

- Thanks for trying, guys.

I'll just stay in disguise
until the end of middle school.

Hopefully, I'll get used
to these heels.

[grunts]

- Three, two.
[mouths] One.

- Today's top news story:

turns out Liam's baby boy calf
is actually a girl.

When pressed about the error,
Liam's Mee-Maw said,

"My bad, y'all.
It's hard to tell."

- You guys!
I know who framed Rusty!

Principal Ramirez, meet us
at the lockers immediately!

News team, follow me!

- This better be good.

We had just cornered
Bolhofner's bobcat.

- Can you keep it down?
I'm giving a pop quiz.

Hey, what's going on?

- I know who the actual
stink b*mb culprit is!

Girl Jordan!
[all gasp]

- Of course!
There are two Jordans!

- That's absurd!
I didn't do it!

- Oh, no?
Then open your locker.

- Fine.

[all gasp]

I am as shocked as you are!
Who put this in my locker?

That's what you should
be investigating right now!

[sighs] Okay.
It was me.

I framed Rusty.

- [gasps]

[both gasp]

- But why, Girl Jordan?

Why'd you do the Rustman wrong?

- Because I was mad at you.

Rusty and I were
home ec partners.

It was our final project:
sponge cake.

It was flawless, until...

- Check out
the Rustman's newest moves!

[grunts]

- [gasps] No.

It was the first F
I ever got!

I knew I had to get him back!

[growls]

I rented the same style
white suit

Rusty wears
to every school event.

I found a red clown wig.

I even studied his voice.

- And they were like,
"No way you could eat

that entire hoagie, dawg!"
[laughter]

- [as Rusty]
Daaaawg.

That's when I knew
I was ready.

[excited chatter]

[splat]
[evil laughter]

I'm really sorry.
I went way too far.

- Well, I'm sorry
about the cake.

- You can go ahead and suspend
me, Principal Ramirez.

- Do you have
to suspend Girl Jordan?

Can't we just call it even?

- Okay, I won't suspend her,

if you do me one favor
and keep teaching.

It's just so hard
to find good subs these days.

- [gasps]
You got it!

[nasally]
All right, everybody.

Back to class,
or it's a week's detention!

Whoa!
[grunts]

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way
we show our love ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line
to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with kids ♪

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪