03x06 - Slip Slidin' Away

[bunniefuu]

♪ Ohhh ohhh ohhh ♪

(Mirah) ♪ we were
just a child ♪

New bag?

Mm-hmm. Chloé. On sale.

Chloé's never on sale,
you lucky bitch.

I love Chloé...

And bottega veneta...
And--

hermès.
Oh, hermès.

I'll miss hermès.

Ohh.

Is that tender?
Everything's tender.

(Exhales)
It's gone to my liver,
hasn't it?

I don't know, but we knew that
that was a possibility.

I'd like to readmit you to
the hospital, run some tests.

I can't. I can't go
to the hospital.

Lillie, I know that--
that this is scary, but--

I'm not scared. I have
stage iv ovarian cancer.

I've had
two courses of chemo,

three biopsies,
one hysterectomy.

I'm way beyond scared.

It's Milo.

I... can't leave him.

Your cat?

Lil-Lillie, I know that
you're attached,

but... (Chuckles)

He's my world.

I spent my life working
to make my design studio a go.

And it did, and it was great,
but... (Sighs)

I thought there'd be time
for everything else,

and there wasn't.

But I had Milo.

And now...
I can't leave him alone.

(Purring)

Well, um... okay.

I can find you
a cat Walker

or a sitter

or, you know,
a... whatever.

I--you... you need
to get back to the hospital.

I need to make sure
that Milo's okay.

I need to find somebody
to look after him...

(Sighs)
Somebody I can trust.

(Purring)

♪ And steady it with grace ♪

Dr. Bennett.

Our patients
are already here.

They're very excited
to start treatment.

I'm sorry.
Uh, do I know you?
Gabriel fife.

Dr. Fife,
director of the g.R.P.

Genetic research program.

Uh, where?
Here.

We don't have a g.R.P.
William hired me
two weeks ago.

You should keep up
with your office e-mails.
I didn't get an e-mail

because I'm the one
who's in charge of hiring.
William thought
we'd be good together,

professionally speaking.

I've designed a technique
that improves the success rate

for complex implantations
in various high-risk groups.
What techniques?
What high-risk groups?

Meet the donovans--
Curtis and Sally.

They're here
for embryo implantation.

We want to have
a dwarf baby.

And we're going to
give it to them.

(Sally) Dr. Fife's
been a godsend.

We've wanted children
for so long.

But a child like us.

Without selection,
there's about a 50% chance

they'll have a dwarf baby,
but with embryo selection

and isolating
the f.G.F.R.3 mutation,

it's guaranteed.

You guaranteed it?

I know it's odd
to some people,

people who see this
as a deformity or a disability.

But it's us.
It's who we are.

So when Dr. Fife told us
about you...

(Sally) We are so grateful
you're gonna give us a baby,

our baby. Thank you.

I just need time to review.

Dr. Fife, may I speak
with you outside, please?

(Clears throat)

I know we just met,

but I think
you need to be careful.

You don't exactly
exude the confidence

most people expect
from their doctor.

Confidence?
Just trying to be helpful.
No harm done.

Tell me. What can I do
to expedite this process?

Um, I just met you
five minutes ago...
Mm-hmm.

And I haven't agreed
to do any of this.

I am uncomfortable with
the idea of designer babies,

and frankly,
you say you work here,

but I believe
that you are mistaken.

William white hired me
to do exactly this.

This is his practice.
This is my practice.

Then you ought to read
your e-mails.

I'll schedule the implantation
for tomorrow.

Nice meeting you.

There was no e-mail.

I don't think I can move.

I can't get off the table.

Barbara--
please. I'm tired.

I want to stay here.

Tell Dr. Turner
I can't talk today.

No, you need to see her.

That's how you're fighting
your depression.

And you are fighting it.
You got here.
Jimmy had to drag me.

It doesn't matter.
You got here.

You did your biofeedback.
(Voice breaks)
I don't feel better.

Which is why it's important
for you to go upstairs,

so the therapies
can work in concert.

I know you're trying to help,

and I know
everyone's trying to help,

I just... (Crying) I'm done.
I want to die.

I don't know why you people
won't just let me k*ll myself

so I can stop
feeling like this.

(Sobbing)

So I said to him,
"you do smell, bad."

You said that
to the patient?
Yeah, I'm saying
what I think.

It's freeing.
I'm telling them what I think.

And you know what?
They like it.
Okay.

Hey, hey.
Anybody want a cat?
Whoa.

A temporary--
temporary cat.

Nice p*ssy.

Oh, don't be childish.
I'm talking about the cat.

It's not mine.
It's my patient's.
Okay.
Well, just be careful.

Single woman, living alone--
first it's one cat,

then you're staying home Friday
nights watching chick flicks.

Next thing you know,
you're living

with nine cats
and a bird.
It's not mine.

Why is catwoman so sexy,
but a woman with cats--

so not.
I think
you should keep the cat.

I think
it's a perfect opportunity

for someone with commitment
issues to work through them.

I'm saying what I think.
It's freeing.

Violet, I am glad that you're
feeling better. I am.

But, uh, I do not have
commitment issues.

Hey, Charlotte.
I bet, uh, you like cats.

I'm allergic. I just wanted
to give you ladies

a little "thanks for welcoming
me to the practice" gift.

I just got 'em.
Please. Not in front of the...

Cat.

(Exhales)

Cat sitters, L.A.

Cats don't need a sitter.

Haven't you ever had
a pet before?

Yeah, we had horses...
With trainers and riders.

Oh, and I had
a pet hermit crab once.

But the air filter was
very noisy, so I shut it off,

and he d*ed.
(Footsteps approach)

I'm escaping.
Escaping who?

My new director
of genetic research.

Ooh. Impressive. You guys
are going high-tech.

William is. He hired him...
Behind my back.

Wait. Aren't you
supposed to be in charge?
Yes, I am.

Is he good?

He's brilliant,
and--and he's know it.

And he's arrogant
and he's rude

and... he's in a wheelchair.

Oh.
And his patients
are little people.

Oh.
And they want to do
a selective implantation.

They want a little baby.

I, uh, I guess that leaves you
with a small problem.

(Chuckles)
Don't act like
you weren't thinking it.

Well, you're in charge, Nai.
Yes, I am. I am.

And genetic selection
is a line that I won't cross.

There you have it.
You just stand tall.

(Snickers and laughs)

I gotta go find Cooper.
He'll laugh with me.

(Laughs)

Why is there a cat in here?

(Sighs)

So if the snot turns green,

you're gonna have your mom
call me, right?

Yes. All right,
give me five.

Get outta here.

His fever spikes, call me,
but otherwise, he's fine.

All right, bye.

Problem?

Addison or Sam
giving you a hard time?

You need me
to b*at somebody up--

an o.W.G. Smackdown?

No patients.

Oh, well,
they'll grow to like you.

You're an acquired taste.
I did.

No patients, Cooper.
No people patients.

It's been two weeks,
and my practice is bombing.

It's embarrassing.
Charlotte--

Cooper, you got a boatload
of little snotty-head kids.

Go doctor 'em while I figure out
what I'm doing wrong.

I watch her all the time.

I... I don't even keep a razor
in my bathroom because...

I watch her,

but she stopped eating.

Barbara's never getting better,
is she?

Jimmy, depression is tough
to break,

and treatment is not fast.

Yeah, it's been over a year.

I mean, she nursed her father,
we canceled the wedding...

I love her, Pete.
I need her better.

Oh, hey. Are you going up
for your appointment?

No, i'm... I'm tired
of all the talking.

I'm tired of all the pills.
Um, it's not working.
Barbara--

Jimmy...

Barbara made a decision.

What decision?
Dr. Turner has a way

for me to get better,
to feel happy again now.

I'm gonna do
electric shock therapy.

This is not the treatment
we agreed on.

Well, the treatment
we agreed on isn't working.

She needs a shock
to the system, literally.

What?
What are you doing?

My--my job.

I'm adapting
to Barbara's situation.

I'm altering course.

By sending electrical current
through our patient's brain

and inducing a seizure?

That's a last resort.

It's not "cuckoo's nest."

There's no holding her down,
frothing at the mouth.

She's not gonna feel a thing.

It is accepted treatment.
She is desperate.

She wants to be better,
she wants to be better now,

and I can give that to her.
E.C.T. Is not a magic b*llet,
and this is not like you.

Well, I'm not like me.
You know, this is the new me.

Look, Violet, I know
the trial was rough on you.

You faced your attacker,
and that was--

freeing.
I'm free. I'm great.

But this is not about me.

This is about Barbara
and what she needs.

Pete,
we have tried everything.

We've tried antidepressants,
acupressure, biofeedback,

exercise therapy, talk therapy.

Nothing's working.
Slow and steady is not working.

Slow and steady takes time.

You're the one
that's always preaching that.
Well, maybe I was wrong.

People deserve more, faster.

I asked you to help,
and you did. And thank you.

And now if you don't mind,

I am taking my new vibrator
and heading home.

(Car alarm chirps)

I want you
to press this button

whenever you have discomfort,
okay?
Lillie.

Dr. Montgomery,
this is Dr. Reynolds.

I'm Brian,
her new oncologist.

Addison. I did
the initial resection.

Morphine, huh?
The pain's worse?

Well, hopefully after the chemo,
it should start to subside.

I'm actually
not recommending that.

But if we can give her
a few more months, then...

I know you're a surgeon
and you like to fix things,

and Lillie told me
how good you are,

but I think it might be time
to let go.

I think that's not
your call.

No, it's mine.

I'm sorry, Addison.
You did your best.

I'm grateful.
But he's right. I've decided.

I think I was
holding on to my life.

But once you agreed
to take Milo,

there's no reason to anymore.

It's time.

(Knock on doorjamb)

Before you yell...

I want to start
with an apology.

I wanted to be here yesterday
to introduce you to Dr. Fife,

but my jet was delayed.
We had a deal, William.

Hiring was my responsibility,
and you went around me.

You knew that I would object
to his research,

his attitude
and ultimately, his hiring.

I was aware
that you might object

to some of his research, yes.
Okay, would object.

But he became available. There
were other people interested.

I had to make a decision.
Think of the potential.

Sickle cell, hemophilia,
cystic fibrosis--

his work has the ability

to change the face of medicine
as we know it.

That's what you and I wanted.
He has no moral center.

He supports eugenics.

He wants me to help him
design a baby.

That's what you do, Naomi,
when you weed out for disease.

You're afraid of the slippery
slope, but you're already on it.

Maybe, but I am not
skiing down it.

I'm not asking you
to accept him.

I'm telling you...
Find a way to make it work.

So there'll be a sedative
running in the I.V.

And once I hit the switch,
the current will move

from the left cortex
to the right cortex,

inducing a seizure,

which we will monitor
on the e.E.G.

How long will it take?
It'll be over
in a few seconds.

And you're not gonna feel
a thing.

A few days of observation, I'll
send you home a new woman--

a happier one anyway.

You ready?

I love you.

Okay.

(Clicks switch)

(Clicks switch)

Is that it?

That's it.

(Exhales)

Well... it looks like
I'm gonna have a cat

for longer than I thought.

Your patient...
Chose hospice.

She's refusing treatment
and she... is gonna die.

I'm sorry.

She's dying alone.

Do you have any chocolate?
We're all out downstairs. Hey.
Hey.

Yes, Sam. I ate it all. Do you
have any chocolate, please?

That's from Halloween.

Didn't go well?
Apparently I have the ability
to hire whoever I want.

So does he.
Doesn't mean you have to do
what fife's asking you to do.

It's still your practice.
Yeah, if he's being
such a jerk,

why don't you
just tell him off?
I can't. He's in that chair.

What? I-I know
it doesn't seem right,

but telling off a man who's...
(Mutters) It feels wrong. Can't.

Then I think you should go
to the little people.

No, I'm serious.
They're your patients now.

Talk them out of it.
If you think it's wrong,
then convince them.

You're right.

I'll convince 'em.

Go ahead. Take 'em.
(Chuckles)
(Mouth full) Thank you.

(Elevator bell dings)

Charlotte.

I understand you've joined
oceanside wellness.

Good for you.
It is... good for me.

It's allowed me to refocus
my priorities

on to patient care--

something my previous
administrative duties

prevented me from doing.

Well, it appears it all
worked out for the best.

(Ding)

Yes, I've got patients
lining up out the door.

Congratulations
on all your success.

(Woman speaking indistinctly
over P.A.)

Hi. I was just
keeping Jimmy company

while he waits for her
to wake up.

He's getting coffee.
She's fine.

It went off without a hitch.

Good. That's good.

Mm.

Hey. Hey, Barbara.
You're in the hospital.

Everything went well.

How are you feeling?
Oh, I have a headache.

But there's nothing pressing
down on my shoulders anymore.

I f--

I feel...

Lighter.

(Laughs)

Hi.

Wow. Look at you.

Look at that smile.

I missed that smile.

Barb?

I'm sorry.
Uh, do I know you?

Mild, temporary memory loss is
a common side effect of e.C.T.

Mild? She doesn't remember me.
She looked right through me.

The memory loss
should resolve in time.
And until then, what do I do?

Do I remind her of things

or do I have to keep
my distance?
Look, I-I know
this is scary, Jimmy.

But don't expect her
to react to you

the way she has in the past.

But you can talk to her,
jog her memory.

That may help.

Okay, Violet.

Cards on the table--
how bad is this?

I don't know.
I don't know, Pete.

I mean, it's rare, but sometimes
the memory loss is permanent.

But she seemed good--
her attitude.

I mean, that's a good sign,
isn't it?

It is not a good sign.
That's his fiancée,

and you're saying
she might never remember him?

She's happy. That's good
for her. But what about him?

I told you
not to rush into this.
I will fix this, okay?

I will.

Once we start down the road
of choosing characteristics

for our children,

I don't--i don't know
where that ends.

It's not something
that our practice does.

I do want to work with you.
I do.

But, um...

Your daughter?

Uh, yeah.

She's very pretty.

She looks
just like you.

(Chuckles) Thank you.

You know, I-I-I never really
see the resemblance, but, uh--

of course you don't.

You take it for granted--having
a child that looks like you.

But what if someone had told you
you couldn't have your daughter,

your own daughter,
who's like you in so many ways?

Even if you don't select
for dwarfism,

your child will be
a part of you.

What do you see
when you look at me?

I...

It's a hard question for
a tall person to answer...

(Chuckles) Because all you see
is the dwarf.

No. No, I don't.

When I look at Curtis, I see
an accountant, a husband,

and those things
are what our friends see.

If we have a child
who's 5'10",

they'll look at him the way
other people look at us.

What if you had a 50/50 chance
of having a white baby?

Would you want a white baby?
N--it's not the same thing.

It is. You'd love
that white baby,

but every day, people would
question whether she was yours.

They'd whisper like they'll
whisper about our tall child.

Would you want that
for your child?
We're not asking you
to clone us.

We're just asking
for what any other parent

would come in and ask for.

We want what you have.
How is that crossing a line?

You going to stand there
all day

or do you have
something to say?

In the wrong hands,

genetic engineering can have
terrible consequences.

So while you are here,
I'm gonna be the gatekeeper.

That means I set the limits.

If there's gonna be
any slippery slope,

I'm gonna be the one to decide
just how far we slide.

So you're in
with the donovans?

Yes.

Well... don't expect me
to thank you

for doing what's right.

(Pixie lott's
"way the world works" playing)

He is just...
He's a little man.

(Laughs)
I'm sorry. Wheelchair or no,
he is a little man.

Oh. What...

What is this?

(Laughs)

It's a Christmas angel.

You can take
your kitty caroling.

We're outta here.

Um, th-- (laughs)
This isn't her cat.

This is, uh, for a temporary cat
she's taking care of.

So no caroling.
Okay.

But thank you.

Okay, this place is insane,
all right?

We are in retail purgatory.

All because I'm trying to do
a good deed for my patient?

Let's... let's go over here.
This--this looks safe.

Oh, cute bag.

That's a cat carrier.

Really?
Yeah. What, you think Milo
would like it?

I think
Lillie would like it.

♪♪♪

(Cooper) Charlotte?
Aah.

♪ Yeah, will I wait here
on you? Yeah ♪

Oh, what are you doing?
Pipes weren't right.
Need to redo 'em.

Charlotte...

Damn it. (Sighs)

Cheap tools.
How can I work like this?

♪ All I am learning is,
I'm so tired... ♪

What do you want, Cooper?

You want me to say
I screwed up?

Okay. I screwed up.

You didn't want me to do this,
and William white thinks--
doesn't know you.

You are not heartless.

I saw him...

In the elevator.

Ow.

I humiliated myself.

I stood there...

And I lied to him,

told him everything was great
and that I was great.

(Inhales sharply)

And he knew I was lying.

He doesn't matter.

William white doesn't matter.

♪ Trying to keep us apart ♪

I can't fail twice.

I don't have it in me.

♪ Gimmie just a little break ♪

♪ I'm so tired, I'm so tired ♪

I can taste things again.

And when I look outside,
the sky is blue...

Like indigo or cobalt
or... sapphire maybe.

I'm sorry. (Laughs)

It's just, um,
everything feels so... new.

That's great. That's--that's
exactly how it's supposed to be.

Um, from the work
we've done so far,

I can see that your ability
to form new memories is intact,

so I'm gonna ask you
some other questions, okay?

Uh, what's the name
of your high school?

Monklands high.
Prom date?

Eddie Parker. Great prom.
Romance in venice.

Wow.
That--that's impressive.

I didn't think anyone
remembered their prom theme.

It was great.
We did it by this pool

with these giant
papier-mâché gondolas.

(Chuckles)

I think I remember because...

My dad told me
so many stories about venice.

He went there with my mom
on their honeymoon.

Can you tell me
about his illness?

He--he was just sick
for such a long time.

And he tried to hang on
until...
Until the wedding?

What?

What wedding?

To Jimmy.

You and Jimmy
were going to get married.

I don't know.

I'm sorry. He--he seems like
a really nice guy.

I-I really wish
I could remember.

She remembers
nothing about Jimmy.

She remembers
everything else--everything.

Memory loss from e.C.T.
Is not that specific.

Then what is it?
I think the e.C.T. Worked.
I think it unblocked her.

I think we got to the root
of her depression.

I think the problem is Jimmy.
Something happened with Jimmy,

something so bad
that she blocked it out.

Good morning, Nai.

Hey.

Oh, I hear you hired
a new doctor.

Whatever.

I'm sorry. No, yes.
A-A doctor has been hired.

And he's great,

and everything's
going to be great.

If you could erase
bad memories,

do you think everything
in your life would better?

Yeah. There's some things
in my life I'd like to erase.
Yeah, wouldn't we all?

Oh, um... say the thing.

Oh. Okay.

Violet is not ready
to come back.

Do not get your hopes up.
Do not push. Wait.

But she's better.
She's freed or something.
Do--do you want me
to say the thing again?

Yeah.
Okay.

Violet is not ready
to come back.

Do not get your hopes up.
Do not push. Wait.

Okay. Thanks.

Okay. Anytime.

White may have hired you,

but you work for me,
and as long as you do,

you will not withhold
information from me.
Exactly what's the problem?

The embryos that have
the marker for dwarfism--

they have a mutation that
the other embryos don't have.

It's called v.H.L.
I know what it's called,
and children born with it

have a 40% chance
of developing cancer

by the time
that they're in their 20s.
It's a nonissue.

It's cancer.
And in 20 years,
if these children develop it,

my gene therapy treatments
will allow me to cure it.

No one can guarantee that.
I can. I did.

What do you mean, you did?
I told the donovans.

They want to go ahead
with the implantation.
They'd rather have a sick,
dwarf child

than a tall, healthy one?
Mm-hmm.

The non-dwarf embryos
don't have the mutation.
I told you, it's a nonissue.

Oh, you--i have been
walking around here

trying to be polite to you,
but that is it. I am done.

You are the most egotistical,
pushy, boorish little man

that I have ever met.
Good for you.

Excuse me?
You got over your fear
of the wheelchair.

That usually takes people
a few months,

but you? Less than a week.
I'm impressed.

Now if you can just get over
your fear of little people--
shut up!

Shut up, you stupid,
horrible, stupid... jerk!

Oh! Okay,
that was kinda lame.

(Mutters)
We're still doing
the implantation.

No! No, we are not.

Okay, we're gonna try
something different.

Um, hey, Jimmy,

describe the last fight
you had with Barbara.
Our last fight?

We don't fight.
Well, come on.
All couples fight.

It doesn't have to be
a big thing.

It can be small even.

You were always so sad.

I-I didn't want
to upset you anymore.

Well, how--how about you,
Barbara?

I-I don't want you
to think about Jimmy,

but just describe the last fight
you had with anyone.
Um...

Um, I don't know.

Well, like Violet said,
everyone fights.

It's not that. It's just...

I'm sorry.
I know you want me to remember,

and I want to remember...
Good things.

But to start talking
about fights?

I... I've discovered peaches
and the smell of lavender.

And I'm just...

I'm so happy.

I don't want to go back.

Barbara... please.

You have to try.

We were in love.
You loved me.

I'm sorry.

You seem so nice.

But...

(Inhales deeply)

Can I have some more jell-o?

So how did you
hear about me?

Uh, well, I-I saw you
at a seminar.

Great.

There's really no need to be
nervous, Mr. Parker.

Whatever issue you have,
we can talk about it openly.

It's the only way
I'm gonna be able to help.

So... how can I help?

(Exhales)

I love my girlfriend.

And I want her
to be happy...

Satisfied.

I understand.

But I'm just
a little too quick on, um...

Pulling the trigger?
Well, that's a common problem.

There are many possible
explanations and treatments.

We will get
to the bottom of this.

And I can guarantee you,

you and your girlfriend
will be satisfied.
Great. That--that's great.

That--that's why I went
online in the first place.

But the more I read,
the more freaked out I got,

then someone in the chat room
suggested you, and, um--
I thought you said
you saw me at a seminar.

Right. After the seminar,
I went to a chat room.

I wasn't supposed to mention
the chat room.

Exactly what chat room
are we talking about?

Uh, we don't allow animals
in here.

I'm kidding.

Oh.
I'm impressed.

With this? It is
pretty fabulous, isn't it?

No, that you'd bring a cat
for a visit.

It's very nice of you.
Oh.

Maybe you're a cat person
after all.

I know you think
you're paying me a compliment,

but I don't think so.
(Clears throat)
No?

Oh, actually I was hoping
it would flatter you enough

that you'd have coffee
with me.

You're asking me out
on a date

as we walk to our
terminally ill patient's room?
I'm an oncologist.

I'm always walking to
a terminally ill patient's room.

I ask where I can, when I can
or I'd never get to ask.

Yes, to coffee.

Okay.

Ah, you know what?

Can you just hold this
for a minute?
Sure.

Hey, Milo.

Hello, Milo.

There we go.
How's his hair?

Perfect.
Okay.

(Meows)

Okay, bud.

I'm sorry.

She's afraid.
Of course she's afraid.

She's feeling good.
She's feeling better.

She doesn't want to lose that.
So how do we break through?

We don't.
That's it?
She's blocked out Jimmy,

you think there's
a big mystery about him,

and we just give her jell-o?
She found
a magic b*llet, Pete.

And what about Jimmy?

If you're right about him,
he could be dangerous.

If not, then is it fair that he
suddenly becomes nobody to her?

I wish I could forget.
I wish I could...

Find everything bad that
happened to me and yank it out.

I can't. She can. I'm not
gonna take that away from her.
You're the one
that pushed her

to get the e.C.T., Violet,
and now she's damaged.
She's better.

I don't buy that.

And if you're not gonna get
to the truth, I will.
Pete, d--

Barbara... we need to talk
about Jimmy.
Is something wrong?

Pete, let her rest.
What's wrong is your memory.

Now I know you've been through
a lot and you're feeling better,

but e.C.T. Does not--
Pete--

e.c.t. Does not completely erase
one person from your memory

and leave
everything else intact.

That's not the way it works.
Th-then...
I don't understand.

If you're blocking Jimmy out,
there might be a reason--

a real reason,
not an e.C.T. Reason--

something he did.

Something that--that--
that you're burying.

Something that--that you've
buried so deeply

during the past year

that it might be hard
to talk about.

If Jimmy did something
to you, if you're scared,

we can help protect you.
You can tell us,

and no matter how bad it is,
no matter how awful,

we'll make sure
he never hurts you again.

(Laughing)

I'm sorry.

Was there something funny
about that?

(Laughing) No, the idea
that Jimmy is dangerous.

(Continues laughing)

You know him. He's...
(Continues laughing)

What?

(Inhales deeply)

Nice.

You remember Jimmy.

I-I woke up feeling better.

I smiled, and then I saw
Jimmy walk through that door,

and I didn't want
to smile anymore.

I couldn't just tell him
to go away

after everything he's done.

But I remember
you telling me

that e.C.T.
Can cause memory loss,

so I suddenly realized,
I could forget him.

And then I wouldn't
have to hurt his feelings.

Wouldn't it have been easier
to just tell him?

You're--
you're engaged to him.

And for the life of me,
I-I can't figure out why.

When I was depressed,
he--he seemed fine.

And he took care of me,
and I really appreciated that.

But after the e.C.T.,

it's like the lights
in my head went on,

and... what was I thinking?

No wonder I was depressed
for such a long time.

Don't you think
your father's death

might have had something
to do with that?

Yes, of course.
He liked Jimmy so much.

He used to tell me
all the time,

"Barbara, Jimmy--
he's such a nice boy.

He wouldn't hurt a fly."

Sometimes, i--ugh!
I want him to hurt a fly.

You get it. Jimmy's that guy--
that guy at the bar

that you go home with
at 3:00 A.M.

Because the guy you really
want to go home with

went home with somebody else.

Telling him--
it just seems cruel.

I want to spare him.

Isn't this better?

(Footsteps approach)

I just told off a man
in a wheelchair,

and it felt so good.

I may be going to hell,
but I am taking him with me.

What's wrong?

Lillie d*ed.

I'm sorry.

(Voice breaking) Alone,
in a tiny room by herself

without family,
without friends...

Addison,
you're not dying...

And you're not alone.

I know. I have you...

And Sam...

Yeah.

And this practice.

But... god, I am alone.

And I don't know if it's me

or if I have some bad Karma
because I'm a cheater,

but every man I meet,
it's either the wrong person

or the wrong time.

Even the oncologist--
Lillie's oncologist.

He asked me out.

Brian Reynolds?
He's cute.

Yes. I said yes.

But I can't, Nai.

I'm a mess.

I'm too screwed up to date.

Ugh. And this damn cat
keeps staring at me.

What the hell
were you thinking?

Hey, Dr. King.
I'm with a patient.

A real patient.

Not like that guy you sent me,
the one with the...

You met him in a chat room.

My mom doesn't let me
go into chat rooms.

Your mom's right, unless you're
supervised by a grown-up.

I'm a grown-up--
no, he isn't.

I was trying to help.
Don't. I don't need
your pity patients.

(Curtis) Your hesitation

has nothing to do
with the second genetic lesion.

Let's call this
what it is.
Yes, let's.

Uh, which is what?

You won't do the implantation
because you think we're freaks.

You're prejudiced
against little people.

There is nothing I would rather
do than give you what you want,

but not like this.
But it's the only way
for us.

I understand
what you want--
look at you.

How can you
possibly understand

what it's like to be laughed at,
to never fit in?

You're tall and beautiful
and successful.

I was fat.

As a kid, I... I was fat.

I don't mean to suggest
that it's comparable,

but everyone has
their own scars to bear.

We all have
our insecurities,

and--and they're painful
and--and persistent,

and they're ours.

I don't want to compare
painful anecdotes with you,

I'm just saying, is in some
small way, I do understand.
A small way?

Oh, you know it is really hard
to avoid using words

like "big" and "small"
and "short" and "tall."

We try to say things nicely,

but you--you know,
the fact of the matter is,

I wasn't just fat.

"Fat" is the nice word
for what I was.

I was huge.
I was massive.

Six summers of fat camp.

My whole adolescence
being made fun of.

I have heard every single joke--
"lard-o," and "fat ass"

and, uh, "dumbo"
and "elephant" and--

in our group of friends,

a tall child will be "lurch"
or "giant" or "Godzilla."

But if he's healthy,
he'll survive it.

I did. You did.

But I cannot implant
a sick embryo.

No matter
what Dr. Fife promises you

about future breakthroughs,
I cannot do it.

But what I can do is help you
to have a healthy baby.

And whether he is tall
or--or medium or small,

when you hold him in your arms,
he will be yours.

And you'll love him.

Isn't that
all that really matters?

That's what I can give you.

Are you Dr. Montgomery?

The hospital told me
I'd find you here.

I'm Iris.
Lillie's second cousin Iris.

Oh, uh, yeah.
Please... come in.

I'm so sorry
for your loss.

I didn't realize
that Lillie had any family.

We weren't close.

But Lillie called me, asked me
to make the arrangements,

wrap up the loose ends.

Is there anything
that I can do

or do you have
any questions?

Lillie told me
how kind you were.

She told me you offered
to care for Milo.

She wanted me to thank you.
I was glad I could help.

She didn't want to impose
on you any further.

It wasn't her way.

I've come to take Milo
home with me.

(Laughing)

(Laughs)

(Continues laughing)

Ex-exactly what do you find
so funny?

I'm sorry.

It's the fact that I
dreamed up this huge trauma

that turned out
to be niceness. (Laughing)

The fact that somebody could
dislike somebody else so much

that she'd pretend
not to remember him...

It's not funny.

Oh, I wasn't, you know,
I wasn't gonna tell you this,

but I actually--
I thought that... (Laughs)

I thought that Jimmy
might have k*lled her father.

Oh, it's sad, isn't it--

the lengths we go to...
People?
Sad for Jimmy.

Oh, poor, nice Jimmy.

We have to tell him.
This isn't right.

You want to break his heart
more honestly?

'Cause either way, Barbara
doesn't want to be with him.

Is that how it is for you
with me?

No, don't answer that.

Just don't say what you think,
for once.

I don't want to know.

Come on, Pete. We're just...

We're laughing.

We're having fun.

So... we lie to Jimmy.

We lie to Jimmy.

You're
a very persuasive woman...

But not a particularly
far-sighted doctor.

Science is about progress.

And ten years from now,

these kind of choices
will be commonplace,

with or without your approval.

There are limits
to what we should do.

And I guess here,
you get to decide.

You don't like me.

No. No, I don't.

I didn't like you either.

You're beautiful,
gorgeous, really,

and very,
very annoyingly tall.

But the fact that you were
a big, giant fatty

makes me like you
just a little bit now.

There are chinks
in that armor.

Is that supposed to be
a compliment?

Uh, actually, yes.

But don't feel too good
about it.

You got what you wanted today.

But the donovans--they didn't
get what they wanted.

And I'll call you
after I get the results

of the C.T. urogram.

(Man) Okay.

Hi.
See what I did there?

I didn't barge in
and start yelling.

I waited for you to finish

because I respect you
professionally.
Well, yay for you.

And that wasn't
a pity patient.

That's what, in doctor circles,
is called a referral,

the proper response to which is,
"thank you, Dr. Freedman,

for referring me
this interesting case."
Oh, I'm sorry.
Thank you, Cooper.

Thank you for making me feel
like a failure.

It's not bad enough that
I failed at pacific wellcare.

Now my boyfriend's

wrangling me patients
off a bondage chat room

because he doesn't believe
I can get them on my own.
Oh, you know what?
Shut up. Shut up.

You can't reinvent yourself
overnight. It takes times.

And you can't do this all on
your own, and you don't have to.

You're part of a couple now.
We do things together.

You help me. I help you.

Admit it. You need me.
I'm awesome.

So this referral
you sent me,

you met him
on a bondage site?

Think there were
other people on that site

who could use a sexologist?
Say I'm awesome.

Answer the question.

Maybe I will...
If you say I'm awesome.

♪♪♪

So I'm just gone?

Erased?

I'm just supposed
to walk away?

I love her.

You love who she was,

Jimmy,
and she loved you, too.

But...

Memory is a funny thing.

Memory and emotion get
all wrapped up with each other,

and sometimes it's hard
to pull them apart.

♪♪♪

(Woman) ♪ and maybe... ♪

She's happy now.

You did this.

This isn't the way
it was supposed to be.

No, no, it isn't.

I wish we could offer you more.

But... all you can really do

is try to be happy for her.

♪ If I ask... ♪

Try and move on.

♪ Don't turn away ♪

♪ I know, I know... ♪

Addison?

It's Sam. Are you okay?

Come on in.

Oh. I thought you said
it was an emergency.

He's hiding underneath
the couch, I think.

I can't get him to come out.

I've tried the--the nip,
the squeaky toy, the cat boa.

And then I tried this.
(Buzzes)

Okay, that is wrong
on so many levels.

No, he took
a couple swats at it.

Why won't he come out?
Because it's nasty,

and because he doesn't
feel like it.

He's a cat.
That's what cats do.

Sort of takes the fun
out of it.

Okay. Let's try this.

♪ One day ♪

♪ you'll look just to see ♪

Cat whisperer.

(Laughs)

Look at...

So I take it he's staying?

Yeah.

I'm keeping him.

I... have a cat.

Okay.

To crazy cat ladies.

To catwoman.

Hmm.

(Laughs)

♪♪♪