04x11 - Patrol Dog Martha/The Crooning Crook Caper

[bunniefuu]

MAN:
♪ Martha was an average dog ♪

♪ She went... and... and... ♪
(barking, growls)

♪ When she ate
some alphabet soup ♪

♪ Then what happened
was bizarre... ♪

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain,
and now...

♪ She's got a lot to say ♪

♪ Now she speaks... ♪

How now, brown cow?

♪ Martha speaks ♪

♪ Yeah, she speaks
and speaks and speaks ♪

♪ And speaks and speaks... ♪

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

♪ Martha speaks... ♪

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

♪ She's not always right, but
still that Martha speaks... ♪

Hi, there.

♪ She's got the voice,
she's ready to shout ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ Sometimes wrong,
but seldom in doubt ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ That dog's unique... ♪

Testing, one, two.

♪ Hear her speak ♪

♪ Martha speaks and speaks
and speaks and speaks and... ♪

♪ Communicates, enumerates,
elucidates, exaggerates ♪

♪ Indicates and explicates ♪

♪ Bloviates and overstates
and... ♪

(panting)

♪ Hyperventilates! ♪

♪ Martha-- to reiterate--
Martha speaks. ♪

Detective.

Camouflage.

(eating noisily)

Pursue!

Stakeout.

Today's words are all about
detectives and police work.

See how many words
you can uncover

and I'll see you at the end
of the show.

Martha, look,

it's Officer O'Reilly.

MARTHA:
And he's got a dog!

Hi there!

(Skits barks)

What's the matter with him?

He's on duty.

Rascal's part of our K- unit.

You mean he's
a police dog?

Uh-huh.

We're just finishing
our b*at.

Unfortunately my partner
and I are going to be

in different
cities tomorrow.

You are?

Yeah, there's a big case
in Chicago.

They need a smart cop to come
help them cr*ck it.

You're going to Chicago?

Uh, not me.

Looks like I'll be
stuck patrolling alone

for the next few days.

Hey, you don't have
to patrol alone.

I could patrol with you.

Uh... really?

(groans)

Why not?

When you patrol, you go around
making sure everything is okay,

right?
Right.

I'm great at patrolling.

I patrol my yard all the time.

Watch.

Patrolling.

I'm patrolling.

Nope, no criminals.

All clear here.

Eh, I don't know.

Being a K- officer requires
special training.

But I'm the police force's
secret w*apon.

I brought in Louie Kablooie
and Jimmy Gimme Moore.

And I stopped that soup
spy ring thingy.

And the dogs that were robbing
the butchers.

Eh...

Please?

Please let me be a cop!
Please let me be a cop!

Please please please
please please!

Oh, all right.

Report to the station tomorrow.

We start walking the b*at
at : sharp.

MARTHA:
I can't wait to be
a police dog!

(television remote clicks)

HELEN:
Martha!

I was watching that!

Sorry, Helen.

No time for idle
television viewing.

I've got to be prepared
for my b*at tomorrow.

TV COP :
Police! Freeze!

TV COP :
Police! Freeze!

(Helen groans)

TV COP :
Police! Freeze!

(yawning)

(Helen groans)

TV is not going to teach you
how to be a police dog.

How can you say that?

Look at what I've
learned already.

Police! Freeze!

Yeah, but none of that
stuff ever happens.

Shh! The show's back on!

Someone's smuggling in
pineapples.

HELEN:
Like that.

No one smuggles stuff
into Wagstaff City.

Smuggling means
you sneak something in

that isn't supposed to be there,
right?

Right.

So maybe people
are smuggling things

into Wagstaff City
all the time.

Well, I hope not.

Smuggling food
would be really bad.

What could ever be bad
about food?

It could be really bad
if a bug was hiding in it.

What could an itty bitty bug do?

Eat all the crops.

Or the forest.

Especially if there
were a lot of bugs.

(gasps)
That's awful.

(yawning):
Yeah.

But like I said,

it'd never happen
in Wagstaff City.

But what if it did?

It won't.

Well, how can you be sure?

Just think, Skits--

there could be smuggled food
out there right now.

I don't know how I'll ever be
able to go to slee...

(snores)

(muttering):
Police! Freeze!

(snores)

MALE SINGER:
♪ Who's the dog ♪

♪ Who's on the prowl ♪

♪ Who sniffs out crime? ♪

FEMALE SINGERS:
♪ Martha! ♪

MALE SINGER:
You got that right.

♪ Who's got a nose
for trouble? ♪

♪ And if you're in a jam ♪

♪ She'll get there
on the double ♪

FEMALE SINGERS:
♪ Martha!
Martha the dog! ♪

MARTHA:
Woo hoo!

MALE SINGER:
♪ She's tough on thugs ♪

♪ but still likes hugs
from Helen ♪

(funk music plays)

♪ She's a real tough cop ♪

♪ At that she's tops ♪

♪ She don't like yellin' ♪

♪ No. ♪

FEMALE SINGER:
♪ No she doesn't ♪

That's better.

MALE SINGER:
♪ Give that dog a donut ♪

TV ANNOUNCER:
In tonight's episode:
The Smugglers.

Got any smuggled food in there?

(scoffs)
In Wagstaff City?

Oh, right, silly me.

Have a good day.

The coast is clear!

(sawing)

Let's get cracking.

(sawing, buzzing)

(loud buzzing)

(gasp)
I was wrong!

People do smuggle things
into Wagstaff City!

Oh, no! Martha, look!

MARTHA:
No!

(loud thud)

What a horrible dream.

(both gasp)

Oops.

Police! Freeze!

Uh, is there a problem, officer?

Oh, no problem.

Except for a little speeding.

Oh. Sorry about that.

I'm running late for school.

(clears throat)

All right, all right,
I'll slow down.

Sheesh.

I'm afraid that's not
going to be enough.

I'm going to have
to give you a citation.

Citation?

You mean, like a piece of paper
that says I broke the law?

Like a speeding ticket?

Uh-huh, 'fraid so.

Uh...

Grab a notepad and write your
citation down, would ya?

What do I have to pay
as my fine?

Mmm... five bones.

I'm guessing you don't mean
five dollars.

Nope, five tasty
biscuit bones.

I'll put them on
the shopping list.

(yawns)

What's the matter?

Up late fighting crime,
Officer Martha?

I couldn't sleep.

I was worrying about
smuggled food.

Martha...

There's no smuggling
in Wagstaff City.

But-But what if there was?

(giggles)

Helen, this is serious.

The security of our food
is at stake.

It sure is.

(gasps)
Police! Freeze!

(surprised whine)

Step away
from the bowl.

A policedog's job is never done.

Smuggling?

Never happen
in Wagstaff City.

Well, how can
you be sure?

Because planes and boats from
other countries don't come here.

Oh.

Morning.

(sniffs)
Wait a minute.

I smell a rat.

Of course you smell a rat,

we're at the dock.

It's loaded with rats.

No, I mean something doesn't
smell right.

It smells like a rutabaga.

Rutabagas?

Oh, uh, not around here.

We don't have any of those.

(sniffing)

That's it!

Police! Freeze!

(rat squeals)

Martha! Leave it!

Officer Martha-- heel!

Whoa!

Come out with your hands--
I mean paws-- up!

Martha, there's
nothing in there.

You're right.
It's here.

I have to apologize
for my partner.

It's her first day
on the b*at.

Okay, let's go.

I'm telling you, something
smells fishy!

Of course it's fishy,
you're by the river!

The river's full of fish.

No, not that kind of fishy.

Fired?! You can't fire me.

I've got no choice.

A K- cop can't chase
rats on the b*at.

It's a matter of security.

People could've been hurt.

But I wasn't
chasing the rat.

I was chasing the food
the rat was carrying.

K- officers don't eat
on the b*at, either.

I wasn't going
to eat it--

it's a root vegetable after all.

It was a rutabaga,
it wasn't a sausage.

I was going to inspect it.

Aw, come on.

You're not really going
to fire me, are you?

I can't believe
I got fired.

How many jobs have I had?

Firedog,

radio host, telemarketer--

I've never been fired
from any of them.

I bet Helen won't pay
her speeding ticket

when she finds out
I'm not a cop anymore.

(sighs)
Bye bye, bones.

(sniffing)
Hey, it's that smell again.

(growl)
!
The smell from the docks.

And it's coming from that truck.

Follow me, Skits.

There it is!

MARTHA (gasping):
The captain of the ship!

Quick! Hide!

That dog almost
blew our cover.

Yeah, when she said
she smelled a rat,

I thought for sure she'd
nosed out the rutabagas.

Lucky for us, people think
there's no smuggling

in Wagstaff City.

(laughter)

MARTHA:
Those rutabagas could be risky.

We've got to warn the police.

And the truck was full
of risky rutabagas!

Okay. Thanks for the tip.

Run on home now, Martha.

No! Listen!

Something smells rotten,
I tell you!

Uh, maybe it's you?

Oh, uh, that.

(laughs sheepishly)
I can't help it.

I had to take cover
in some garbage.

There's something wrong
with those rutabagas!

Okay, okay.

O'Reilly, go check it out or
she'll never stop hounding us.

I am not a hound.

But I am part pit bull.

O'REILLY:
Not "hound" as in a dog breed;

"hound" as in you're bugging us.

(gasps)
That's it! Bugs!

They're in the rutabagas!
I heard them chewing.

Well, what do you know?

Ready, partner?

Really? I get to say it?

Police! Freeze!

(excited laugh)

O'REILLY:
I'm sorry I didn't believe you.

Ah, that's okay.

If those bugs had gotten loose,

no telling what damage
they could've done.

You deserve a medal.

A medal would be nice.

But I can think of
something better.

And then Officer O'Reilly
took me to a donut shop.

He said it was a reward for
protecting the security

of our entire food chain.

(questioning growl)

Security?

It means keeping something safe.

Like when we bark at strangers
to keep the house secure.

Soup's on.

Hey! That's a no
parking zone, Mister.

I'm going to have to
give you a citation.

(Jakey starts to cry)
No, no, no...

(wailing)
!
Don't do that.

Jake! Please don't cry!

For the security
of our ears!

Okay, okay.

I'll let you off with
a warning this time.

(stops crying)

I'm such a pushover.

Which reminds me,

I haven't paid for my
citation yet.

I love being a cop.

HELEN:
"Curious Crystal was in
a pickle, all right!

"The : from Piscataway would
be barreling down the tracks

"in a jiff.

The girl detective was surely
in trouble this time."

A detective is someone whose job
is to find out things,

like clues, to solve a mystery.

"She had to give Winky
the secret danger whistle!"

"She whistled with
all her might.

"Winky's ears went up.

"'Bow wow!' he bellowed
and leapt out the window.

Dogs don't go "bow wow."

We "woof," we "arf,"
we "yip," but "bow wow"?

I've never heard of it.

Martha, can we
finish the book?

Go on, I'm loving it.

I'm on the edge of my tail.

HELEN:
"Winky raced to
the train tracks,

"chewed through the ropes

"and freed Curious Crystal
in the nick of time!

"They hightailed it
to the police station

"with the evidence.

"In minutes, Inspector Pinkus
had caught Carnation Kelly

"red-handed!

"Curious Crystal and Winky
had done it!

"They had put a stop
to the Carnation Caper!

The End."

Wait, that Kelly guy
was stealing capes?

I thought he was
after the diamonds.

Not a cape, a caper.

A caper is a plan to try
to steal something

or commit a crime.

Each of these
Curious Crystal books

is about a
different caper.

Curious Crystal &
the Emerald Crab Caper,

Curious Crystal & the
Mysterious Cottage Caper--

I wish I were a kid
who solved mysteries.

You'd be great at that.

You could be Heroic Helen.

And I'd be Sparky, your
crime-sniffing sidekick.

Okay.

But first we need
a mystery, Sparky.

Let's check
the kitchen.

The mysteries will
taste better.

Look for anything strange and
I'll put it in my notebook.

Uh-huh, hmmm...

(gasps)

Look at that calendar.

Tomorrow's date is
circled in red.

So?

It could be the date a crime

is going to be committed.

By... the Red Heart g*ng!

That's our calendar.

I don't think any criminals
use our calendar

to plan their crimes.

Oh, hey, crumbs.
Let's follow them.

Martha, there are
no mysteries here.

And even if there were,

you'd be eating
the evidence.

I'm trying to find out
what the criminal stole.

I think it's apple cobbler.

Aha!

And the master thief was
sitting in my chai... oh.

(laughs sheepishly)

Actually it was a peach cobbler.

Let's go outside before

we discover what else
the master thief stole.

Okay.

Hey, this might
be something.

Someone must have dropped it.

"The Whistler"?
Who do you think that is?

Someone who whistles?

(Helen gasps)

"You've been warned!!"

Who's been warned?

Are we being warned?

What about?

What's going
to happen to us?

Beats me.

But Heroic Helen and Sparky
are about to find out.

We are?

Hmm, the handwriting
is very distinctive.

Okay, this is our first clue
and it's going in the notebook.

Is this another clue?

It's a muddy footprint.

HELEN:
Weird, there's only the print
of the right shoe.

It's almost as if whoever
made it were... hopping.

Maybe The Whistler
is a hopper.

Whoever made this footprint
came from there...

...and is heading that way.

Let's pursue it, Sparky.

Wait a minute.

That footprint... it's huge.

He could be a monster.

Can't we pursue
The Whistler from home?

That wouldn't
be a pursuit.

If you pursue someone,

you follow them
so you can catch them.

Okay.

But I liked it better when we
were pursuing the peach cobbler.

MARTHA:
The footprints are getting
fainter and fainter.

HELEN:
The mud must be wearing off
the sole.

(sighs)

We've lost the trail.

(clomping)

It's him! Hide!

It's getting closer.

TD!
(screams)

You were making
the footprint,

so you're The Whistler!

Okay, who are you warning and
what are you warning them about?

Huh?

He's not The Whistler;
he's just TD.

What are you doing
with that thing?

I got this mop stuck
in my Dad's boot.

I thought walking around
might loosen it up.

Here give me a hand.

(both struggling)

Who's The Whistler, anyway?

We don't know yet.

But we're going to find out.

(groans)

Right after Heroic Helen
changes her clothes.

HELEN:
There goes our
muddy footprint clue.

It was a red herring.

A red herring?

I thought it was
a mop in a boot.

A red herring is something

that throws the detectives
off the trail.

It seems like a clue,
but it's not.

How many clues do we have left
in the notebook?

Just one.

There's no way we're going
to find out

who The Whistler is from that.

Something's bound
to turn up.

(sighs)
Litter!

People should really
learn to pick...

Hey, wait a minute.

It's a list of stores.

The butcher, grocery store,
dry cleaners...

They've all been crossed off
except for that last one:

the flower shop!

And that handwriting
is very familiar...

Excuse me,

but I believe that's mine.

Silly me, dropped it
when I was getting a yogurt.

Oh, do you happen to know
the way to the flower shop?

It's two blocks down
and make a left.

A talking dog!

Well, how curious.

Much obliged.

Martha!

When was the last time
you saw someone

wearing a monocle and
a top hat in Wagstaff?

Well, there's that guy
on the peanut jar

and then there's the card
we found...

(gasps)
He's probably The Whistler!

Let's follow him!

He vanished.

He was asking where
the flower shop was.

I bet that's
where he's headed.

If we hurry we can
b*at him there.

(humming)

Mom! What
are you doing?

Oh, sorry, but I need them
for an order.

But you're ruining our stakeout.

Steak? Out?

Steak out where?

A stakeout is when you hide
and wait for someone

to show up so you can see
what they're doing,

like if they're up
to no good.

Mom, we need to
have a stakeout

if we're going
to catch a criminal.

What criminal?

He wears a top hat
and a monocle

and he's called
"The Whistler."

Ooh, he sounds terrifying.

Actually, we don't know for
sure that he's a criminal.

But he did want to know
where the flower shop was.

Well, if a man in a top hat
and monocle comes by

and tries to whistle at me,
I'll let you know.

In the meantime, could you take
a break from your stakeout

and pick up a chicken?

I'm making your father's
favorite dish tomorrow--

arroz con pollo.

Okay.

Hey, maybe we can have
a stakeout at Karl's

and have real steak with it.

Here you go,

and a little brisket because
you're my last customers.

Thanks, Karl.

I'll just lock up
behind you.

Since those recent robberies
in the neighborhood,

you can't be too safe.

Robberies? What robberies?

Didn't you hear?

The dry cleaner,
the grocery store...

Why, I was robbed last week.

And it was right after
my birthday, too.

Talk about a
birthday surprise.

Do the police have any
idea who it might be?

No, but they're calling
him "The Gentleman."

A witness said that the robber
was very well dressed.

Enjoy the chicken.

MARTHA:
I was afraid Karl
was going to say

that they were looking for
someone called The Whistler.

But what if The Whistler
is The Gentleman?

He was really well dressed,
remember?

Hmm... this is all going
in the notebook.

I just know that guy
is up to something.

Come on.

MARTHA:
Why can't we have
the stakeout inside,

like we did yesterday?

It's easier to run
to the police from here.

As soon as we see him,
you hotfoot it to the station.

(gasps)
There he is!

What if he just wants
to buy some flowers?

HELEN:
Then why isn't
he going inside?

MARTHA:
Forget calling him
The Whistler....

More like
Professor Butterfingers.

MARTHA:
Okay, that did
look suspicious.

He must have thought
that Mom saw him.

I bet he comes back later.

Now's our chance.

Get the police!

I'm on my way.

I should tell Mom
that help is coming.

"You've Been Warned.

Music and lyrics
by Mack Guffin."

DAD:
Helen!

What are you doing here?

Mr. Guffin hasn't
shown up yet, has he?

Mr. Guffin? Who's that?

I'd show you his card,
but I lost it.

Wait, is this it?

Oh, you found it.

(whispering):
Come over here.

It's an anniversary surprise

and I don't want
your mother to see us.

So that's why there was a
red heart on the calendar.

CHIEF:
Let me get this straight--

a man in a top hat
and a monocle

named The Whistler is planning
to rob the flower shop?

Right.

Although he could also be
calling himself The Gentleman.

The Gentleman, eh?

And why should we take
your word for this?

Because I helped you put away
Louie Kablooie

and Jimmy Gimme Moore?

And the spy ring thing
with those crooks

who were breaking into
the museum and...

seriously, do I really have
to go through this every time?

She's got a point.

All right, we'll check it out.

Here you go.

I hope we didn't
mess things up.

Not at all.

In fact, I had no idea
I was being followed.

You're quite
the detective.

Well, to work.

(doorbell rings)

Can I help you
with something?

Are you Mariella Lorraine?

Yes.

(police sirens wailing)

O'REILLY:
Now just hold it
right there!

No! Don't do it!

(whispering):
It's a surprise!

♪ I'm falling for you ♪

♪ There's nothing I can do ♪

♪ Even if it means
my breaking heart is scorned ♪

♪ Your love I shall pursue ♪

♪ I'll stick to you like glue ♪

♪ Darling, you've been warned ♪

Happy anniversary!

(whistling same tune)

Oh, Danny!

You remembered!

See, it was just a man who
delivers singing telegrams.

Wait a minute,

could you tell me what stores
have been robbed recently?

The butcher shop, the grocery
store and the dry cleaners.

Why?

Did someone in all those places

recently celebrate something,

like a birthday?

You got me.

Well, Karl at the butcher shop
had a birthday.

I wonder if he and the other
stores all got singing telegrams

the day they were robbed.

I think The Whistler is
The Gentleman!

Hey, look!

He's unlocking
the window.

(growls)

Oh, drat.

That's how he did it.

He must have opened
the windows at all the stores

while he was delivering
singing telegrams

so he could break in later.

(growls)

Police! Freeze!

Oh, dang.

Well, Helen,
you were right.

It was the handwriting
that tipped me off.

This is the card The Whistler
gave my dad

to tell him what song
he was going to sing

for Mom's anniversary.

And this is the list of stores
that the criminal robbed.

The handwriting matches.

Great detective work, Helen.

HELEN:
Hey, we actually did it, Sparky.

We solved the
Crooning Crook Caper.

Bow wow, Heroic Helen.

Bow wow.

Hey, check out this song!

(surf rock music playing)

♪ When someone's chasing you ♪

♪ That means you're being
pursued ♪

♪ Be it friend, foe or animal ♪

♪ Be it gal or a dude ♪

♪ If you're the one
who starts pursuing ♪

♪ You might run
until you're blue ♪

♪ Across the yard
or across the city ♪

♪ Or to Timbuktu ♪

♪ You're not through yet ♪
♪ Through yet ♪

♪ You must pursue and pursue ♪
♪ Pursue and pursue ♪

♪ Until you've caught the thing
you're chasing ♪

♪ Caught the thing
you're chasing ♪

♪ Hey there, I see you! ♪

Gotcha!

(song ends)

Catch the words about
policing and detection?

Let's see some of them again.

If you pursue someone,

you follow them
so you can catch them.

When you patrol,

you go around making sure
everything is okay.

Security?

It means keeping something safe.

See you next time.

I'm off to do some detecting.

Martha, you've got to stop
following the meat delivery man.

It makes him very nervous.

(laughs sheepishly)
Sorry.

♪ Who's that dog? ♪

♪ Who's
that dog? ♪

♪ Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. ♪

That dog is Cameo.

Come on, Cam.

My name is Mark.

Cameo is an agility dog.

An agility course is made
for training.

Cameo is good at agility

because she's very, very, very,
very, very intelligent.

I think I should show you
how good she is.

Let's have some fun.

♪ ♪

At Canine University, my mom
helps people train their dogs.

I suggest that you go there.

(laughs)

This sequence
is jump, tip it.

Okay.

Jump!

Tip it!

She is very, very, very,
very, very, very, very,

very, very, very wonderful.

♪ She's that dog... ♪
♪ Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. ♪