01x06 - Ruthless Tommy/Moose Country

[bunniefuu]

[ Gasps]

Didi:
oh, what did I do with those?

Where are they?

Did I leave them up here?

Or could they be under here?

No.

Oh, where are they?

Tommy, sweetheart.

How did youget those?

Oh. Anyway, pop--

Stu's glued
to his workbench

So I was hoping

You wouldn't mind
watching tommy.

I was planning
on training

For the decathlon
this morning.

Thanks, pop.
You're a prince.

Have fun
with grandpa, tommy.

Sure, sure, go on.

Take an old man
for granted.

When I was her age

We didn't have
half-price sales.

Had to walk miles
to the store

And pay full price
when we got there.

Good idea, scout.

Take a nap and keep us
both out of trouble.

Announcer:
and now, fish time.

The old fishing network presents

Swimming downstream

The touching story
of a young salmon who dared

To be different.

[ Snoring]

[ Squeaks]

[ Car pulling up]

Man:
this must be
the joint.

Number , right?

Yeah, right.

Number .

Say, it don't look like
no millionaire's mansion.

Looks can be deceiving.

Millionaires are weird.

Hey, what is this-- a setup?

Where's the parents?

Who cares?
Just grab him.

[ Whimpering]

Quick! The ransom note!

"...bring a million smackers
in unmarked bills

"To elm street.

"P.s.: We mean it

"And we're
very big criminals.

"Just ask around.

Love, bob and mike."

[ Slobbering]

[ Yawning]

Third time they've shown
that salmon story

This week.

[ Grunting]

Dag-blasted newspaper.

Gets heavier every day.

Too many conflabbed ads,
if you ask me.

[ Sighs]

Need my reading glasses.

Drat!

Can't tackle a newspaper

This heavy

Without a little java.

[ Bawling]

The kid's
making me nuts.

I'm trying everything.

He ain't biting.

Try singing a lullaby.

Geez. I got to do
everything around here.

Okay. Here it goes.

♪ Hush, little baby,
don't say a word ♪

♪ Papa's going to buy you
a mockingbird. ♪

[ Bawling]

Maybe you need
something more visual.

Okay, kid

Put all your diapers
in this bag

And don't try anything.

[ Bawling]

You're scaring him,
genius.

Take that thing off.

Okay, I got
another idea.

Give me a banana.

What for?

According to this baby book

I lifted last week

Kids love bananas.

Now, give me one!

Open up the hangar, kid,
so the plane can fly

Right in.

[ Bawling]

Da!

Hey, what about this ball
here on the floor?

[ Squeaking]

[ Stops crying]

How about that?

I did it.

I bet I'd make
a pretty good father.

This kid
weighs a ton

In case
you're interested.

Oh, stop
your bellyaching.

It's only
two more floors.

[ Sighing]

Home sweet home.

[ Bawling]

Oh, no.
What now?

Here you go, tiger.

Try one of these.

[ Crying]

I don't get it.

The book says
it always works.

Books don't
know nothing

And neither do you.

The kid wants milk.

Don't take no rocket scientist
to figure that out.

Luckily, we got some.

Yeah, but what we don't got
is a baby bottle.

I can rig up one
out of the ketchup bottle.

I'm real handy
with stuff like that.

This I got to see.

[ Cooing]

Hey, hey,
where did he go?

Uh-oh.uh-oh.

We've been had!

That little thief
nabbed the rubies!

How can you accuse
the little tiger?

He's just a baby.

A baby impersonator,
you mean.

So what do you think?

He had his partner
waiting outside

In the getaway stroller?

Okay,
you're so smart

You tell me
where he went.

[ Splashing]

Oh, no!oh, no!

The rubies!the rubies!

Bad baby!

What are we
going to do now?

[ Cooing]

Oh, no.

I ain't putting my hands
in there.

Well, I ain't
doing it.

I did it last time.
Look, I got a little cut
here on my finger.

Fine. You can put
a cut in there.
No, you can't.
You put yourhand.

My hands
are my life.
My hands are more
than my life.

They're my death
if I put them in there.

I'll hold
your elbow.

[ Vacuum cleaner whirring]

I'm telling you,
we need a plumber.

The cash!

[ Whirring stops]

The poor tyke's
traumatized.

Forget the kid.

How do we get
the money?

I know.
Turn it on in reverse.

[ Coughing and choking]

I can't see nothing.

Who turned off
the lights?

Hold on to me!

Look out!

I can't...

Where's the kid?

Uh-oh. Don't look now,
but our million smackers

Is about to go
out the window!

Quick! Grab him!

[ Both yelling]

[ Crashing]

This little monster

Is ruining our
beautiful friendship.

Look at him--

Sitting there
plotting his next move.

You're right, mikey.

There must be an easier way
to make a million smackers.

Amen to that.

[ Snoring]

[ Door opens]

I was just resting my eyes.

Wait till you see
my little laser oven, pop.

How's tommy?

Sleeping, I suspect.

Hasn't made a peep
all afternoon.

Good. What's this?

Must be the newspaper bill.

"Dear ronald thump..."

[ Doorbell buzzing]

Please, take him back.

We learned our lesson

And we're very sorry,
mr. Thump.

Who were those guys?

[ Screaming]

Watch out!

[ Both yelling]

I hate
when this happens.

You're in trouble--

Running a red light

Destroying public property.

Oh, boy.

What's that?

You won't believe this.

Hello, tommy.

And how's mommy's
little sweetheart?

Did you have a nice time

While I was gone?

I brought something

Just for you, tommy.

He probably needs
a little stimulation

After such a quiet day.

Here, tommy.

[ Squeaking]

[ Bawling]

Nummy nums.

That's right.

Nummy nums.

Oh, come on, tommy.

I know you're hungry.

Really, honey

You've got
to eat something.

Look, mommy likes it.

Mmm... Mmm...

Yum, yum, yum.

Ah, the great outdoors.

Working in the yard
really makes you feel

In tune with nature.

Nature?

You call that mudhole nature?

I'm not finished yet, pop.

I got to put the trees in.

Trees? You call
those twigs trees?

Why, where we lived up
in moose country

We didn't bother with anything
smaller than a mighty redwood.

I don't remember
any moose back home.

Stu, don't forget.

We've got phil, lil,
and chuckie coming soon.

Stu:
we got to get going.

I got to get more mulch.

It's such a nice day.

Why not set up
the playpen outside?

Grandpa can keep an eye
on them there.

Fine by me.

Somebody's got to teach
these youngsters

The difference between
a forest and a philodendron.

...and there we were, just me
and your great granddaddy

Hunkered down

In the shadow
of an enormousbull moose

Just a hair bigger
than this house.

Well, maybe he wasn't
as big as the house

But he was certainly bigger
than the garage.

Anyhoo, the whole pickles clan

Had moose for breakfast,
lunch, and dinner

The remainder
of the great depression.

Now, that was realfood--

Not like that green mush
you've been eating.

And just what did that moose
look like, you say?

Well, I just happen to have
his picture right here

In my wallet.

Here he is.

Tons

Of bull moose!

Sometimes, I can still
taste that fella.

Yeah.

[ Snoring]

He's asleep.

Now's our chance to go out

And find the moose
grandpa was talking about.

Yeah.yeah.

There's no moose
around here, tommy.

How do we know for sure
if we don't look for one?

Yeah.yeah.

We can't go look for one.

This is the same kind
of playpen I've got.

Chuckie:
there's no way out.

Wait. I've got an idea.

[ Yelling]

Phil:
hold chuckie's hands.

[ Yelling]
whoo!

Watch this.

[ Squeaking]

[ Squeaking]

[ Grunting]

Come on, tommy,
you're too heavy.

Whoa!

[ Tommy grunting]

Oh!

[ Squeaks]

Tommy:
wow! Moose country.
It's not a moose, tommy.

It's just a bug.

No, not that.

That.
Come on, chuckie.

We're going to find us a moose.

Chuckie:
I don't know, tommy.

I don't think
this is such a good idea.

[ Gasps]

What is it?

Maybe a moose lives here.

Who goes in first?

Not me.not me.

I hope it's not a footprint.

[ Barking]

Lil:
yuk!

Oh!
Oh!
Oh!

Lil:got ya!
[ Phil laughing]

[ Chuckie laughing]

What's this?

Looks like
chocolate spaghetti.

Only it's... Dancing.

Let me see.

What's it like?

[ Gulping]

It doesn't taste too much
like chocolate spaghetti

But it dances all the way down.

Me next.
Me next.me next.
[ Belching]

Wait a minute.
Chocolate spaghetti's okay

But we're looking for a moose.

Maybe if we're real quiet,
we can sneak up on one.

[ Grunting]

Humph!

[ Gasps]

[ Gasps]

A moose!
A moose!a moose!
How do we catch it?

Dig a big hole.

No. Use a net.

Hole!net!

Uh-oh.hole!

Phil:
net!

Run away!

Chuckie:
help!

Help!

Chuckie?

Get me out of here, tommy.

We got to hurry, chuckie.

There's a moose coming.

Tommy, there is no moose
in your backyard.

Now, will you please
get me out of here?!

[ Grunting]

What's with this water?

Tommy:grandpa!
[ Sputtering]

Menka, menka!

Turn this thing off!

You okay, chuckie?

Am I okay?

Am I okay?!

First you talk me into
breaking out of the playpen.

Then you leave me in a hole.

Then you get me all wet

And for what, huh?

A moose?

I don't see any moose.

Where's the moose, tommy?

Where? Where?

There!

Wow.

[ Bell ringing]

Spike?
Spike?
Spike?

Huh. Some moose.

Stu:
open the door, didi.

This fish fertilizer
weighs a ton.

[ All gasp]

[ Snoring]

Huh? What?

Everything
under control?

All quiet
on the western front.

Say, it didn't rain or anything
while you were out here, did it?

Not today. No.

Well, I guess
I'll take a nap.

Say, didi, did I ever tell you
about the time me and my pappy

Bagged a great northern
bull moose?

How big was he, you say?

I happen to have
a picture of him

Right here.

Let me see that.

This is an insurance
calendar, pop.

Well, maybe it isn't
his actualphoto

But he was just as big.

Sure, pop.

Bigger, in fact.

Sure, pop. Bigger.

[ Grumbling]

I told you there was no moose
out there, tommy.

I wonder why spike
dressed up like one.

Yeah.yeah.

Maybe he was trying
to tell us something.

Like what?

Yeah, like what?

Maybe that we all may have
to go a little bit further

To get to moose country.

Yeah!yeah!

Oh, no!