02x14 - A Visit from Lipschitz/What the Big People Do

[bunniefuu]

[ Gasps]


Chuckie:
first, it gets
really, really cold.

Then the grownups
start acting real nice

And smiling all the time.

And that's
not the worstest part.

One night...

He comes.

Who comes?

The scariest guy
in the world.

Santa claus.

Chuckie, you can't
be scared of santa.

He's big and fat and jolly
and gives you presents.

That's not what I heard.

Who's next to see santa?

Me! Me! Me!

Ooh...

Oh, oh.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

And how are you
today, little, um...

Angelica.

Angelica.

Why don't you tell santa
what you want for christmas?

I want a luxurious hair
cynthia doll.

Of course you do, and if
you're a good little girl...

A teenage
nuclear squad game.

Well...

A rocko mr. X

Smash-up doll,
a cynthia lunch box.

A pony and an emergency
surgical kit with stethoscope.

That's an awful
lot of presents.

I'm not
finished yet!

The most importantest thing
is a deluxe cynthia beach house

With real working hot tub,
satellite dish

Entertainment center,
and attached garage.

Yes, angelica, that's
a mighty long list of toys.

I don't know if santa...

If you're santa, how come
you don't know this already?

Well, uh...

Wait a minute

You're not the real santa claus.

You're a phony.

Hey!

Santa claus is a fake!

Run for
your lives!

[ Children screaming]

Wow!

Where'd you get
that neat box of toys?

From santa claus.

I thought he only
gave you stuff at christmas.

Nah, you just
got to know how to work him.

Cheer up.

Can you imagine
how upset angelica must be

Finding out
santa was a fake?

She doesn't
look upset.

Charles:
the manager gave her
practically every toy.

Do you think toys
can compensate for that?

She may be traumatized for life.

Hey, this is a bunch of junk.

They didn't give me
any of the stuff I wanted.

Even if she is traumatized,
she'll still have

A better christmas
than I ever had.

What do you mean, charles?

Didn't you have dinner

With family and presents?

When I was a kid, christmas
was always disappointing.

My best gift was a rubber glove
and a tongue depressor.

I'm afraid it'll be
the same for chuckie.

I wish I could reaffirm
angelica's faith in santa.

Betty:
I know.

Let's rent a place
in the mountains.

A real white christmas.

What a great idea.

We can chop down our own tree
and open our presents there.

I'll call the travel agent.

I'll buy
some lights.

I'll drink a couple
of quarts of eggnog

And fall asleep
in front of the tv.

Just my luck.

I get a whole bunch of toys
and not one of them is any fun.

What am I going to do with
a bunch of dumb old crayons?

And a reptar space helmet.

Great, just great.

I'm telling you, tommy,
that santa's a bad guy.

He's always watching you.

Keeping track
of everything you do.

In the night

He breaks in

With a big bag
of who knows what.

But he's got presents
in that bag.

Oh, sure, that's what
he wants you to think.

What's the matter with you?

Oh, nothing.

I just wish I could figure out
what to give lil for christmas.

Really?

What if you gave her something
for her favorite coloring book?

Like maybe... Crayons.

Yeah!

Where would I get
a great present like that?

Right here.

Gee, thanks, angelica,
what a pal.

Not so fast.

You can have them,
but it's going to cost you.

Cost me?

Not a lot.

Just your reptar doll.

My reptar doll?

But that's
my favoritest toy ever.

Can't say I didn't try.

Wait!

Okay, okay, lil's my sister.

[ Laughing]

Oh, boy, it doesn't get
any better than this.

Hey, wait a minute.

Maybe it does.

I know it's almost christmas

But don't you have anything?

Yes.

Yes?

No, I don't think tijuana's
the right location.

Poor angelica,
christmas is ruined forever.

Poor chuckie, I still wish
I could make christmas special.

If I could make it up to her,
make santa come alive again.

Yeah, but how?

Hey, I got an idea!hey, I got an idea!

You go first.

No, no, you.

Okay.

I'll dress up as santa

And come down the chimney
on christmas.

The kids'll
hear me, wake up,
come downstairs

And get a glimpse
of saint nick.

That's what I was thinking.

You were?

Yeah-- of course

We wouldn't have you,
we'd get a professional.

What's wrong with me?

I'm a good actor,
I got the title role

In wind in the willows.

Chaz, you were a tree.

I was the willow.

Forget it.

I'm hiring
a professional.

Hi, lil, what you doing?

Trying to figure out something
to give phil for christmas?

Yeah, how'd you know?

I'm your friend,
I know these things.

Now, think for a second.

What's phil's favoritest toy
in the whole world?

Hmm, his building blocks?

No, think again.

His pop-up book?

One more time.

His alligator
with the missing eye?

No, his reptar doll!

Oh, yeah.

What could you give him

To make reptar better?

Another reptar doll
to be its friend?

No.

A reptar
sing-along record?

No.

I know.

A reptar surf board.

No!

A reptar space helmet, dummy!

Hey, that's
a great idea, angelica.

But where could I get
a reptar space helmet?

What a great trick, cynthia.

Phil's going to get a reptar
space helmet for christmas

But he doesn't have
his reptar doll.

And lil's going to get crayons

But she doesn't have
her coloring book.

[ Laughing]

I'm bad, cynthia.

Real bad.

He's bad, tommy.

Real bad.

I keep telling you, chuckie,
he's nice.

I just wish I could
catch him to show you.

Chuckie, that's it.

We'll catch santa and make him
tell us if he's good or bad.

But I don't want
to catch him.

Gather round, sprats,
I want to tell you

About santa claus.

Now, maybe you've heard
folks saying he's not real.

Just a fairy tale.

Well, it ain't the truth.

Saint nick is as real
as you or me.

All:
wow!

That's right.

I've seen him
with my own two eyes.

Really?

Yup.

Here's the point
of my story.

You see, santa may be old

But he's as sharp
as a toothpick.

And if you've been bad

You don't get that special doll
you wanted

Or that fine-looking
electric train.

Instead, you get a great big

Ugly lump of coal.

[ Gulping]

Of course

None of this applies
to any of you sprats.

You've all been good as gold.

Guess what, everybody?

We got a cabin.

Betty:
yeah! All right, dide.

Daddy?

Yeah, sugar?

Is it true that if
you're a bad little kid

Santa claus'll give you
coal instead of presents?

Sure is.

[ Gulps]

Sweet dreams, princess.

I don't care
what they say, cynthia.

That guy santa
can't possibly know

That trick I played
on phil and lil, can he?

Can he?!

Of course not.

[ Yawning:]
what a great trick I played.

Dumb old santa.

Great trick.

Can't know...

It's christmas!

Oh, boy!

And they're all
for you, princess.

Coal?

Coal?

Coal, coal, coal!

It can't be, it just can't be.

Santa's just a smelly old guy
in red pajamas.

There's no way
he could have known.

Man:
oh-ho, but I do.

I know everything.

Phil got a new reptar doll.

Lil got a new coloring book.

And what did you get?

[ Laughing]

Angelica:
no!

Huh, what?

What happened, sweetie?

Is it christmas?

[ Yawning:]
no, honey, not yet.

It was a dream,
there's still time.

I got to find phil and lil.

You'll see them later today
when we go up to the mountains.

Why don't you get some sleep
while it's still dark?

Hear that, cynthia?

There's still time.

We got to trade phil and lil's
presents back

Before it's too late.

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride

♪ In a one-horse
open sleigh, hey! ♪

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride

♪ In a one-horse open sleigh.

[ Barking]

[ Yelling]

Hiya, phil.

Hiya, lil.

Could I talk to you guys?

What did we do?

Oh, you didn't do nothing.

I just thought I could
do you two a favor.

What kind of favor?

Well...

Ah-ha.

There you two are.

Mama's taking you to cut down
your first christmas tree.

Drat!

Yow!

[ Dog barks]

You sure you want
to catch santa, tommy?

Maybe he'll
just leave us alone.

Chuckie,
don't worry, he's nice.

We got to check the whole house
for places to set santa traps.

[ Barks]

Doggie door.

Check.

Dining room windows.

Check.

Chimbley.

Chimbley?

You're right,
no one in their right mind

Would try to come
down a chimbley.

[ Someone talking on phone]

Jonathan, I am tired
of these endless justifications.

Mommy...

Can I go chop down a tree
with aunt didi?

Sure, hon, have fun.

Now, jonathan...

It's so nice you
could get away from work.

It is christmas,
the season of love and joy.

We must crush the competition

And crush them now!

Okay, I got the axe.

Great,
I got the permit.

Let's chop ourselves
a sapling.

When we get on the sled,
we can talk.

[ Smothered mumbling]

[ Dog barking]

How about this one?

Uh, too small.

How about that one?

Hmm, not enough branches
in the back.

Come on, dide,
a tree's a tree.

Just pick one.

That's it.

It's exactly the right size,
the perfect shape.

Isn't it cute?

Good choice, dide,
stand back.

What are you doing?

I'm chopping it down.

Oh, no, you don't,
not this tree.

Think I could talk
to you guys for a second?

Sure.about what?

About presents.

It all started

When the first present

Was given
by the pilgrims long ago.

Then everybody
started giving presents.

Even the easter bunny

Until santa slapped him
with a lawsuit.

What I'm trying to--

[ Screaming]

[ Grunts]

Charlotte:
I'm a problem-solver.

I just inherently
know what to do.

People call, I know the answer,
I was born with the talent.

Well, listen, I know more
than any lawyer.

[ Laughing:]
they're not afraid.

What, are you kidding?

They consult with me.

Is that right?

Hmph.

Charlotte:
I don't know
why I should bother.

I have better things to do
with my time.

Are you kidding?

I can't leave that office
for one minute without--

Of course I know what to do, I
know what to do with everything.

I pay you and I pay you plenty.

[ Barks]

Yow!

Didi:
dinner!

[ Everyone murmuring
in appreciation]

You think those traps
will work, tommy?

Chuckie,
you worry too much.

[ Dog barks]

[ Whines]

Charlotte:
tell personnel

To replace it
with a santa claus

I mean, a sanity clause.

Suppose a kid tried to make up
for doing something bad

But couldn't.

Would santa
still bring her coal?

Oh, angelica,
you're such a good little girl.

I don't know why
you have so many questions

About bad children.

Oh, isn't that cute?

[ Yawning]

Time to put the young'uns
to bed.

Oh, no.

Chuckie?

Must... Stay... Awake.

Must...

[ Snoring]

Chuckie!

What is it?
Is santa here?

No, you almost went to sleep.

Oh, tommy, I'm awake.

Oh, no, chuckie.

Phil and lil are asleep.

Chuckie!

[ Snoring]

I guess it's up to me.

I'll just
make myself comfy

While I wait.

[ Yawning]

[ Snoring]

♪ Joy to the world,
the lord has come ♪

♪ Let earth
receive her king... ♪

Something I learned
is to be a self-starter.

Everywhere I am today
I have done myself.

Why did I do it?

Why did I take
phil's reptar doll?

Why did I take
lil's coloring book?

Wait till they get
a load of this.

Is this "the santa experience"?

Just calling
to confirm the act tonight.

Great!

[ Snoring]

I tried to be good, cynthia

I really tried.

The holidays can be a depressing
time of the year.

You said it.

Don't let this special
time of year become a nightmare.

Call - - -yule
and talk to someone who cares.

- .

Cogs unlimited.

Um, may I speak
to santa claus, please?

Huh?

I need to talk to santa,
it's very important.

I think maybe
you got the wrong--

Let me talk to santa!

All right, this is santa claus.

How can I help you?

Hi, it's me, angelica.

Hello, angelica.

I wanted to find out if I'm on
the good list or the bad list.

Hmm, let me check
with one of my elves.

Ah, yes, angelica,
you're on the...

Oh, yes, you're on the bad list.

Thanks for calling.

It's over, cynthia.

My future as a kid is over.

[ Panting]

Whoa.

Ho, boy, that santa guy
must be in good shape.

[ Yelling]

Chuckie, our traps.

Come on.

Wow, it was only
your dad, tommy.

For a minute there,
I was getting really scared.

I thought it was santa.

I'm glad it was--

[ Yelling]

What are we going to do, tommy?

[ Muffled yelling]

[ Screaming]

[ Gasping]

[ Screaming]

Chuckie, chuckie, wait.

It's okay, chuckie.

It's just me.

Huh?

Mmm...

Oh, chuckie.

Everyone:
aww...

That's not santa.

That's just chuckie's dad.

There is no santa.

I'm saved!

[ Doorbell ringing]

Santa!

[ Gulping]

Problem with the chimney?

Oh, santa.

Won't you come in?

Merry christmas, tommy.

Phil, lil...

Aren't you guys
up past your bedtime?

Merry christmas, chuckie.

Still think I'm so scary?

Ah, angelica.

A deluxe cynthia beachhouse
with real working hot tub

Satellite dish, entertainment
center, and attached garage.

I didn't get a lump of coal.

You know, sometimes
trying to be good

Is as important as being good
in the first place.

Well, got to go.

Another million children
on my list.

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

Well, since it's
almost morning anyway

Why don't we all
open our presents?

Gee, thanks, lil.

A reptar space helmet.

A box of crayons.

What's wrong, lil?

I gave... Never mind.

You mean you...

Did you trade angelica
your reptar doll

Just to get me
these crayons?

And you traded
your coloring book

To get my reptar
space helmet.

Thanks.
Thanks.

[ Clears throat]

Merry christmas.

My reptar doll.

My coloring book.

Both:
thanks, angelica.

Eww, baby germs.

You know, tommy,
you were right.

Santa isn't such
a bad guy after all.

I told you.

Hey, drew,
you were right.

A professional santa
was better.

Am I ever wrong?

[ Phone rings]

This is drew pickles.

Mr. Pickles,
this is barney stevens

Of the santa experience.

I'm on my car phone,
my car skidded off the road

And I can't make it.

Can we reschedule?

Mr. Pickles?

You can't make it?!

I hate christmas.

Who was that?

Wouldn't you know it?

The guy I hired to play santa
can't make it.

[ Jingle bells jingling]

Drew, who's that?

What a great house.

I wonder if there's a car
in the attached garage?

[ Gasping]

Angelica,
is that a lump of coal?

Santa:
ho, ho, ho.

Merry christmas.